Women of Rubies
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Toddy Rosiji: 4 Signs You Are Better Off As Friends With Him

Sometimes the line between like and love can be hard to distinguish. We’ve all been in that one relationship with a guy where all the pieces fit together perfectly.

He was charming and smart and funny and sweet and you get along like gangbusters. But in spite of all of this, there was a little voice in your head wondering…

“Would we be better off just as friends?”

Let’s get one thing straight right now: There is nothing WRONG with friendship.

Friendship is dope as hell and really rewarding for the people in it. How can you tell if he’s a perfect boyfriend or better off as your bud? There are lots of different signs, but we’ve pulled together the big ones to help you out.

Here are 4  signs you and your boyfriend are better of just as best friends

  1. You can’t imagine a future together.

You’ve been dating exclusively for a little while now. So it’s natural you stop to think about the future.

Not so natural?

Maybe you just can’t picture it. Or you don’t like what you see. You like him a lot, maybe you even love him, but when you think about making a life with him in it you draw a blank.

2. You love him but not that way.

When your friends talk about how much they love their boyfriends you get worried. Sure, you LOVE your boyfriend, but you aren’t on cloud nine or anything.

He’s a great guy, you take care of each other, you’ve got a lot of common interests. But it doesn’t seem like the storybook love affair true love is supposed to be. That’s because it isn’t … it’s true friendship.

3. You hate living with him.

You guys have been living together for a while and… You can’t stand it. It’s not that you each have quirks and need to get used to each other.  It’s that you aren’t compatible as living partners romantically.  You’d be better off as buddies, hell, even as roommates.

4. You want to open the relationship up.

Your relationship is going just okay. You have sex, and it’s also just okay. You don’t want to break up because it feels like there’s no real reason to. But you want to open up the relationship so that you can meet new people. Boredom and dissatisfaction in your relationship is not a sign you should open things up.

It’s a sign you’re dating a friend and not a lover.

 

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#Interview | “I love to see successful industrious women hang out” – Oluchi Harrison

Oluchi Harrison is a multimedia
personality with a passion for
connecting industrious women from
diverse industries. She founded the BayLife Travel & Tour company, the first Nigerian all female tour company, with the sole aim of uniting women of different spheres of life, empowering, growing ,mentoring while still having fun.

With a sassy and lively personality, her experience span through a variety of professional services which are, Radio presenting (OAP), TV Presenting, Red Carpet hosting, News Anchoring, Reaction videos, Interviewing, Writing, Scripting and Production Assistance for organizations like EbonyLife Television, Flytime Televsion, First Bank of Nigeria amongst others.

Speaking with Women of Rubies, she shared her journey.

Childhood Influence

My childhood didn’t exactly prepare me for what I do now. I like to think I prepared myself. Growing up, I used to say I wanted to be a chattered Accountant, because I loved seeing my mum dress up and get out to work daily. But I was much more creatively inclined. I was great at Art (This was a Business for me in my first/second year in the university. I’m still a pencil artist today at my leisure), I loved designing and creating things, I was also a face model, I danced and sang a lot as well, I learnt how to sew in home economics and my mum bought me a sewing machine as a gift, then I started knitting sweaters & making beads in my second year in high school – I’d make beaded jewelry, bags, flower vases and the likes. I’d make some for my mum and sell some ( I started making money for myself in high school even though I didn’t need it). I was that kid that was into almost everything, but there was one thing I did effortlessly, I talked. I didn’t just talk, I talked like I was on TV! I’d take some of my textbooks and read it like I was reading the news. I remember doing this with my cousin in different accents, practicing how fluent I was on each accent (both Nigerian accents – Igbo, Yoruba & Hausa – and international accents) – this was in my first year in high school. At my second year in high school, I knew I wanted to study Mass Communication – I used to say I wanted to be a ‘Mass Communicationist’ (lol) until I learnt it was ‘Mass Communicator’. At my second year in the university – studying Mass Communication, I auditioned for my first radio job and I got it, and that was the beginning of my media career.

Inspiration behind BayLife

Honestly, I just love to see successful industrious women hang out (lol). BayLife was born out of the idea to connect the industrious women in my life. If there’s one thing that drives me, it’s seeing another women thrive! The success of another confident woman – it gives me this rush and puts a smile on my face. And I realized in the course of my life and in my line of work that I have had the privilege of meeting some really industrious women who work so hard and hardly have any time for self care.

I was also one of those women and even when I wanted to hang out, I didn’t want to be surrounded by just anybody, I wanted to be surrounded by women who had the same drive as myself, women who would inspire me, women who could understand me, women who could reason on the same level or even higher levels.

And I found out that there were quite a number of women in this same category. I thought about the magic that could come out of these women from diverse industries and my mind could not contain it. At first, it was just going to be a Girls Time Out with the industrious women I knew, who really needed a break from all the hard work to focus on self care, then it became more than just that, it became a unification of the strong force that industrious women are together, it became Magic, it became The BayLife.

On choice of career

I actually didn’t choose it, the career chose me. I was good at a lot of things at the time, but that was what I could build a career of. I was actually an OAP at a radio station when I got invited for a photoshoot at Philip Trimnell’s photography studio. I believe I mainly stood out because of my blonde hair as Philip Trimnell, who is the owner of Music Africa TV, checked out my Instagram (@theiboblondie) and figured I was in radio and then called me to audition to be the presenter for Music Africa TV and that was how I landed my first TV job. I later went on to start my own YouTube channel (The Ibo Blondie) before contracting to FlytimeTV as a presenter. Of course, in between these were other jobs that came up.

Feedback so far on the recently held Baycation event in view of the International Women’s day, impact made.

The Baylifeng on a cruise – Sup With the Queen

The ‘Sup With The Queens’ IWD 2020 Cruise was everything the BayLife is about and more! We had Lawyers who had other businesses, Filmmakers, Bankers, Copy/Creative writers, Business Executives, Civil Servants, Business owners / Serial Entrepreneurs, Stylists, Singers, Media Personalities, Women with NGOs supporting women, Talent managers and more!

The support from women led organizations as well as Nafisa Atiku and our speaker of the day, The Unstuck Mentor, Banke Sotomi, who is a Life & Executive Coach, was overwhelming. It was blissful to watch these industrious women come together to share ideas and opinions, support each other, learn from the amazing Life Coach and share their experiences, all while sipping on some wine having a good time.

Do you think female Media Personality are given enough room to soar?

I believe there are more females in the media as a matter of fact. What we need is more informed media personalities in general because a lot of people this days believe they do not need any training to be on air personalities – they believe it’s just about speaking and looking good.

Challenges 

Professionalism is a major key and under that is a whole lot. Productions (studio & red carpet) sometimes do not come out right due to some unprofessional decisions, which may include not having a productions assistant or a runner and everything that makes for quality production.

You are the official red carpet host for First Bank event, how do you feel being a voice in such a reputable organisation?

I feel privilege to represent such a reputable organization. The FirstBank of Nigeria prides itself in making room for young professionals to soar and being a part of this goal is an honor.

Projects and other activities?

I am majorly working on The BayLife, steadily working on ways to make us better. We have been working on a project, Girl Up! which creates an avenue for industrious women to let their hair down after a month long stress and network in a relaxed atmosphere. This project was supposed to be launched this Easter but we have now postponed it due to the pandemic at hand. We have some Baycations coming up which includes: Girl Up! Cape Verde which is the highlight of the Girl Up! project, Baycation Dubai (Expo 2020) which is an amazing mix of business & pleasure and much more. The new dates of these Baycations would be announced as soon as it is possible to travel again.

What makes you a woman of rubies

I believe my desire to see women prosper in their chosen profession, working alongside their male counterparts and not in competition – this is the passion that founded the BayLife.

Advice for young women out there who want to have a voice in the media, Kindly share some success nuggets to encourage them chase their dreams?

First things first, you must have it in you! It’s important to know that you are fit for the role role you want. It’s just like asking Michael Jackson to be an engineer – he might do it, but may have not been as successful as he turned out. Now when you find that you have it in you, the next step to take is to get properly trained. Don’t just be a TV girl, be an informed journalist/broadcaster, know the job, learn everyday, and the sky will be your starting point.

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14-YEAR-OLD SPELMAN STUDENT WHO MADE HEADLINES MAKES DEAN’S LIST IN HER FIRST SEMESTER

The culture cheered for 14-year-old Sydney Wilson earlier this year when she made headlines for being one of the youngest students admitted to Spelman. Now we’re celebrating the successful completion of her first semester. 

Wilson has a full course load filled with classes like Population Biology, Big Questions Colloquia and African Diaspora & The World, but she’s managing it all. She’s ending the semester on the Dean’s list with a 3.76 GPA, a huge accomplishment for any college student, much less one just entering their teenage years. 

Wilson’s parents first noticed her superb academic abilities when she was in the second grade. By the time she was 10-years-old, she was enrolled in high school and by 13-years-old she had officially applied to Spelman.

She began courses at the elite historically Black college and university this fall, living on campus just like any other college student. She majored in biology, a career path she hopes will lead to being able to cure illness in humans. And now, she’s finished her first semester with flying colors. 

Wilson spoke to Because of Them We Can about how she’s been able to manage it all saying, “There have definitely been some ups and downs but the ups certainly outweigh the downs. It was a little hard in the beginning being away from my family but luckily I got to see them often. I am now able to see how the semester has impacted my life, refined my character and gifted me the ability to see things from different perspectives.”

She said she’s really looking forward to next semester now that she’s more settled in. And we’re looking forward to continue cheering her on! 

Congratulations Sydney! Keep reaching for the stars!

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MOTHERS ARE SLEEP DEPRIVED FOR THE FIRST 6 YEARS OF PARENTHOOD

No one expects to get a ton of sleep when they have a newborn at home, but most of us believe that we’ll get more sleep when the kids are older.

New research suggests that’s a myth that sets parents up for frustration because parents (particularly mothers) are still sleep deprived four to six years after bringing a baby home.

The study examined the sleep patterns of 4,659 German parents who had a child between 2008 and 2015 and found that parents’ sleep duration and satisfaction don’t recover to pre-pregnancy levels until the first child is in first grade.

Parents of older children often feel like they shouldn’t be as tired as they are since they no longer have a baby at home, but this study proves that sleep deprivation doesn’t end when your child starts sleeping in a big kid bed. It continues, and we can’t address the problem if we don’t acknowledge it.

“While having children is a major source of joy for most parents it is possible that increased demands and responsibilities associated with the role as a parent lead to shorter sleep and decreased sleep quality even up to 6 years after birth of the first child,” says Dr. Sakari Lemola, of the Department of Psychology at the University of Warwick.

And moms get less sleep than dads, a trend that starts right away and lasts until elementary school. Researchers found that in the first three months after a baby is born, mothers sleep on average one hour less than before pregnancy. In those first three months, dads lose out on about 15 minutes.

“Women tend to experience more sleep disruption than men after the birth of a child reflecting that mothers are still more often in the role of the primary caregiver than fathers,” says Dr. Lemola.

By the time the kids in the study were 4 to 6 years old the moms were still missing out on about 20 minutes of sleep, while dad’s sleep deficiency remained steady at 15 minutes below the pre-kids duration.

“We didn’t expect to find that, but we believe that there are certainly many changes in the responsibilities you have,” Dr. Lemola told The Guardian, explaining that kids may stop crying at night as they grow up, but they may wake up feeling sick or due to nightmares, and that stress related to parenting can also keep parents up at night.

First-time parents lose the most sleep compared to more experienced parents, the research notes, and in the first one and a half years of a child’s life, breastfeeding moms lost more sleep compared to bottle-feeding moms.

It may seem kind of bleak to think that you’ll still be losing sleep when your child is in kindergarten, but it’s important for parents to know this so we can set realistic expectations and give ourselves grace when we need it.

You can have a 4-year-old and be almost as tired as you were when they were 4 months old. It’s okay if you need to sneak in a nap today, or if you fall into bed tonight with your mascara on.

There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing wrong with your kiddo. It’s just a part of parenting.

The good news is, parents don’t get more sleep deprived the more kids they have. Whether you have one under six or three under six, you’re still only going to lose 20 minutes.

If you are feeling really sleep deprived, don’t be afraid to ask your village for help. If your partner, co-parent, a grandparent or trusted babysitter can stand in for you overnight, let them help you and get the sleep you need.

One day your kids will sleep through the night, but it’s okay to ask for help until that day comes.

Source: Motherly

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“I DON’T ALLOW ANYTHING LIMIT ME FROM GOING FOR WHATEVER I WANT”- ADURAGBEMI AKINTEPEDE

Aduragbemi Akintepede is a nineteen year old undergraduate of Law at Olabisi Onabanjo University. She started writing at the early age of nine and published her first book, a play at the age of fourteen. She has also authored “New Cheese,” a memoir and “Late Last Year,” a short story.

Aduragbemi has a passion for writing, campaigning for women and child rights, acting, teaching and humanitarianism.

One Good Turn” which is her first published book is currently on Ogun State Ministry of Education Science and Technology’s Approved List of Textbooks for use in Junior Secondary Class Two, Literature-in-English text for 2019/2020 academic session in schools across the state.

She shares her inspiring story with me in this interview.

Childhood Influence

My parents are educationists, my dad used to be a civil servant at the Ministry of Education, Science and Technology while my mom is a teacher. So, as a little child, I had access to books early. While growing up in primary school, my dad used to have lots of books hanging around the house and some on shelves. I read “Eze Goes to school, Mayor of Casterbridge, Merchant of Venice, Things Fall Apart and books by Wole Soyinka which I didn’t understand but always kept reading. They informed my early writing and I started writing my version of stories as they came to me, in drama, firstly on the plain back of A4 papers not in use anymore at home, then, later I progressed to notebooks when I was admitted into secondary school.

My love for the female gender also grew from my home too. I have two siblings and they are both girls. So, we’re three girls. Our experiences while growing up as children made me love and appreciate femininity. That made me drift more towards the female gender, identifying with their struggles, empathizing with experiences of adult females around me, having a great feeling of joy when females around me are excelling and achieving feats.

My writing journey

I discovered that I love imagining stories and writing them out. Like I said, I started with drama, writing out dialogues. It was fun. Allowing my imagination run wild, writing things I felt should come after another. I had a friend in Junior Secondary Class One then who I write with on notebooks. I wrote my first play in Primary Four. I wrote the second with her. I had graduated to writing stories on notebooks. I would sit with her during break or after exams and start writing. It was our way of playing. Suggesting a plot of action, creating our characters to suit it. Making the dialogue flow. Everything was fun to us.

My friend left my school after our Junior Secondary education. In Senior Secondary Class Two, with the help of my parents, I was able to publish my first book, “One Good Turn Deserves Another.” A publisher advised them to let me publish my stories, so, my play was worked on and I became an author at fourteen.

Started at age 9 and publishing my first book at 14

Looking back, I must say that the journey so far has been God’s special grace. I am not the most creative or talented among my peers, I am still a budding writer but so far God has helped me to transition from then till now. When I started out, writing was a childhood hobby and I had the desire to make great impact, do great exploits even at my young age and that childhood dream is still driving me and I hope younger ones and adults alike can read from me and know that age can never be a determinant or barrier to success.

Being a Government endorsed Author at 19

I must say that being a government endorsed author at such a young age is an incredible honour for me and I’m still in awe of it. I should be the youngest author on the entire list of recommend texts for secondary schools in the state and I feel so honoured. It is also a great encouragement to me and to fellow young people that your age notwithstanding, you can be anything you set your mind to become.

My passion for women, child rights, humanitarian work and it’s Impact

I am passionate about women and children. For women, I recognize and can relate to their strengths, struggles, challenges and flaws.

We have single mothers in our society, we also have women who are married yet single in the actual sense because they bear the entire responsibilities of the home or are denied of marital bliss, love and affection. Naturally, I have a sense of empathy for them and it breaks my heart when I hear sad stories about women being abused, sidelined, going through one pain or the other.

I have always been passionate about the reading culture, mostly for teenagers because I feel it is declining in my generation and it is important to start with the little ones.

I did a revision to my first book early this year shortly before it was adopted by the Ogun state government for Junior Secondary Class Two. I ensured I included lots of vocabularies in it, some of which I learnt myself during the course of writing. It also has questions for each Act in the play. All of these were put in place so that as much as students are reading the didactic part of it with morals being instructed into them, they are also adding to their wealth of knowledge and usage of new words and can also attempt questions on what they have read.

My Goals

I intend to have a book drive in primary and secondary schools firstly in Ogun state where it is a recommended literature text, then, extend it to other states. I also intend to partner with brands mentioned in the play such as Bigi Drinks, Mentos Sweet and Nestlé as well as foundations owned by youths to have book reading sessions, talks, acting out of scenes from the book and also donating books to schools in indigent areas where students cannot afford to buy notebooks not to talk of literature texts.

Other Projects and Activities

I am also a member of organizations which give me platforms to reach out to these category of people I’m passionate about. I belong to Junior Chamber International Nigeria (JCIN), Jesunpadabo Charity Initiative which is a Christian missionary intitiative where people are fed with both the word of God and material needs too, Our Little Gist Foundation where we reach out to the girl child. By God’s grace, I am an executive member of these organizations and my activities in them always bring me a step closer to my dreams.

Balancing it all

I am a Law student in my third year, I don’t really have to give a detailed report to my parents on my academics because they trust me well enough to balance it all. However, I am accountable to my elder sister who is a medical student and also to an older friend of mine. They monitor my grades and academic progress. So, because I know I’ll have to give them a detailed report at the end of every semester, I ensure I perform well.

I also have people who do not cease to remind me to balance everything together. I have seniors in my Law faculty who commend me for doing well in other areas and also urge me to excel in my academics, so, I can be given a platform on my valedictory day to talk about school and my writing as well.

Personally, while following my passion, I always remind myself that I must excel in other areas too. So, I always try to create a balance, write or carry out other activities during semester breaks or periods I don’t have school work to do. I attend tutorials too almost every weekend and so far I have been excelling greatly in my academics.

Challenges

I am a young writer and as much as I really love writing. Most times, I lose interest in finishing up a story I’m working on. I keep procrastinating or waiting for inspiration. So, far, the knowledge that I am to take the first step- start writing, even if I feel inspired at the moment or not has been of great help. It is more like a farmer who keeps waiting for the sun to come out before setting out, he will definitely fail.

I also have a particular person, my older friend whom I mentioned earlier, Lanre Omodele who really keeps me in track. He gives me deadlines to finish up a story I have lost interest in or been procrastinating.

On Giving up

No, there hasn’t. I am passionate about everything I do and that drives me. There are times I feel discouraged or have low moments but there has never been a time I felt like giving everything up. When I’m down, I turn to God for strength, allow myself to drop my fears and worries at His feet and walk into His rest. My parents have also been very supportive. They help out in almost all areas and are fully involved in every process; writing, editing, publishing and marketing. The immense support and sacrifices of my family, adults who believe in me and youths alike keeps me going.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I feel so honoured to be a Ruby Woman and I feel that what makes me a Woman of Rubies is that I don’t allow anything limit me from going for whatever I want and also the courage to always do things afraid. I also feel that my desire to impact and impart younger generations, to be an epitome of the saying, “it is never too late or too early to start something new or achieve great feats,” makes me a Woman of Rubies.

Dear Young Woman….

For young women who are hesitant to take a leap of faith even while being afraid, I will advice them with two of my personal quotes from my second book, a memoir, “New Cheese” which goes thus:

“Work on self discovery and dare to be a new, better and positive version of you than you were yesterday.”

“Embrace you, assess you, celebrate you and above all, love you everyday to know you deserve the newest cheese out there!”

 

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LOUISIANA WOMAN BECOMES POLICE DEPARTMENT’S FIRST BLACK FEMALE MOUNTED PATROL OFFICER

Black women are out here diversifying the #BlackExcellence portfolio! 25-year-old Catari Jackson just became the Shreveport Police Department’s (SPD) first Black woman in Mounted Patrol, the Shreveport Times reports.

 Jackson has been a patrol officer with the SPD for four years. When she transitioned departments to Shreveport’s downtown area, she was informed that she would be going to “horse school” as a training requirement for officers in that area.

Jackson didn’t know she was literally blazing a new trail. While completing her four-week course to get certified in Mounted Patrol someone told Jackson, “Um, have you noticed you’re the first?” The thought never crossed her mind. Jackson spoke to the press saying, “It’s a great feeling…God placed me here to be an example for other young women.”

Photo courtesy of Emily Enfinger/The Times

The image of Jackson in uniform and with her horse is a welcomed one. After a Shreveport Police group on Facebook shared photos of the new members of the Mounted Patrol, the ones featuring her received a plethora of likes and shares. 

We’re excited for young kids and other women in Shreveport and beyond to see this type of representation. Congratulations Catari! We wish you and your horse, Rock, the best in your new endeavors!

Source: BOTWC

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“MY HIJAB IS MY IDENTITY” – NIHMATALLAH AKASHAT, LAWYER & TV HOST

Nihmatallah Akashat is a Lawyer, Wife , Mom and one of the beautiful faces on popular daytime show “Your View”. The graduate of Law from the Lagos State University; stands out daily with her Hijab on our screen, reflecting the beauty of inclusion and showing us that the hijab is not an hindrance in anyway to women fulfilling their God given purpose.She shares her inspiring story and the challenges of being an influential figure in this interview.

Childhood preparation

Nothing prepared me for this career path. This is because I didn’t plan to be a tv host. However, I had always been opinionated and my expressions accommodated by my dad especially. This gave me an edge at my very first audition. I had something to say about all the topics I was thrown because I had been encouraged to have an opinion about everything. I watched Yourview from the beginning and hoped they will consider having a Muslim co-host. So I will say, I was inspired because I was a Muslim and Islam was not being represented well at the time I joined.

My Hijab Identity

My hijab is my identity. Without it I cannot appear in public among non family members. It is a religious covering yes, but for me it’s about functionality. Also part of the program setting is to have women from different cultures and beliefs on a show. We are glad to reflect that and show the world that every woman regardless of their ethnic background and religions counts.

Still a Lawyer

Yes, I am still practicing law. I am now managing partner cynosure practice barristers and solicitor. A law firm I co founded in 2016

Being  a wife, Mom, TV Host and managing it all

It is the grace of God and setting of the right priorities. Family first and most pressing career need next. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the show or the firm. I have a support system also to help with my children and a very supportive husband.

My Inspiration

The life of the Prophet Muhammed is my inspiration. Even though he was a great leader he related and was touched by the ordinary people. I made it my model and it’s worked for me. I am inspired by the realistic success stories of ordinary people.

Challenges

Yourview has made me very influential but not yet rich however it gives the impression that am both rich and influential. This have made a lot of people come to me for help for every single kind of problem. Infact my pro bono cases are more than I can take. This is a major challenge for me. I am  constantly, trying to say no . It’s very hard to explain to people that your job isn’t proportional to your bank account. sometimes.

On giving up

A few times I have felt like giving up. Especially, when it concerns family. However, I am patient with the situation and find the will to continue again.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I think that will be the fact that I am resilient. I am a fighter. I don’t give up.

Advice to aspiring Muslim TV host

My advice to  aspiring Muslim tv host. Trust yourself and be unapologetically Muslim. You can achieve that by acquiring a balanced knowledge of your religion and any other discipline of your choice. The confidence comes from the knowledge and the acceptance of your way of life which is Islam. Sell your religion wherever you go by being an ambassador of Islam.

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YEMI ALADE RELEASES ANTICIPATED ALBUM “WOMAN OF STEEL”

Yemi Alade exhibits amazing dexterity, vocal power, emotional precision, and smooth transitions on her fourth studio album “Woman of Steel”.

She experiments successfully with a Latino vibe in “Give Dem”, while Afrobeat numbers like “Vibe”, “Nobody” and highlife gems like “Yeba”, the provocative Duncan Mighty duet “Shake” give the album that unapologetic African tone expected from the renowned Mama Africa. “Steel” boasts a modern remake of Angélique Kidjo‘s classic “Wombo Lombo” christened “Shekere”, with the iconic multiple Grammy Award winner.

In “Home”, Yemi promises to follow her love interest to the ends of the world. She sings about unrequited love on “Nobody”, assuring her love interest that no one will love him the way she does. She dives deep into the African-highlife with Nollywood mega-star, Funke Akindele on “Poverty”, rejecting the “disease” while also stressing that she is working really hard to be the richest possible version of herself while proclaiming prosperity and good health. In true Yemi Alade fashion, she also includes a Swahili version of “Poverty”.

“Woman of Steel” is Alade’s fourth studio album following “Black Magic”, “Mama Africa”, and “King of Queens”.

 

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5 SELF LIMITING BELIEFS THAT ARE HOLDING YOU BACK FROM SUCCESS

Why do we often   blame situations or other people when you don’t reach our targets?

Perhaps you are are the one  holding yourself  back from achieving success or, if you possibly limit your results because of what you believe?

Limiting beliefs have a way of creeping up on us; they reveal themselves in different ways. Even if we think our beliefs all support us, a limiting belief can often rear its ugly head just when we least expect it and completely stop us in our tracks or make things feel harder than they actually could be.

What is  a Belief in this context you may ask?

It  is simply a feeling of certainty about what something means. The reason it can feel so certain is because it’s a story we have been telling ourselves throughout our lives unconsciously looking for proof of its truth. We find plenty of proof because that’s what we are looking for and, the more proof we find, the more certain we feel. This means we can either create more potential, or more limitation depending on what the belief actually is

Here are  5 of the most common self-limiting beliefs you need to be aware of and some practical tips to assist you to move through them

1. I Can’t

This is one of the most limiting beliefs you can imagine, because it gives no opportunity of you being able to do what you are telling yourself you can’t. The more you repeat this statement, the more you begin to believe it. Your unconscious mind is always listening and it responds to what you are telling it. Some people have even described this response as physically feeling blocked.

Even if you are just using this phrase to excuse yourself from doing something for someone else, then find another way of saying it, for example “I am unable to do that for you right now”.

There is no such thing as, “I can’t” and this is because you always have a choice. You can do anything you set your mind to and even if you don’t have the skills yet, then you have the ability to learn those skills. If you truly believe you can’t at the moment, then add the word “yet” to the end of your statement to create more potential.

  1. I Don’t Have Time

When you repeatedly say the same thing, you start to believe it and this means you will never find the time to do what you want. Holding on to this belief can keep you stuck for years.

When you start to see time as it really is which is just a social construct, you empower yourself to create a belief that works for you instead of against you. There is a simple and practical way you can do this:

Making a few simple tweaks in your own behavior, you will notice that you “always have enough time”, it’s just your choice as to how you use it, and you can begin to nurture that new belief.

3. I Am Not Good Enough

This is probably the most fundamentally limiting belief and it’s one that most of us can attest to having been at the mercy of at some point in our life.

We are always good enough and that’s the reason why we are here. We are good enough for each person, situation and opportunity that presents itself. Yet at some point in our life when our safety and certainty was threatened, we chose to believe that wasn’t true.

Because of this experience and what we decided to believe, we run patterns of behavior that are designed to protect us. When we are about to do something that will stretch our capabilities, we have a little voice that warns us of danger and tells us we can’t do it or we shouldn’t do it. This means we can often get in our own way and miss out on those opportunities, relationships and situations that can help us achieve what we want.

4.  I Will Be Judged

We can often hold ourselves back from doing new things because we are afraid other people will judge us and see us as lacking in some way. Remember, we often focus on our fear; and the more we focus on this, we will see more examples of people judging us.

You have no control over what others think or feel and most of the time, they don’t think anything about you at all. They are more concerned with what they think or feel about themselves, just like you are.

If you feel judged by other people, it’s more often than not just a reflection you see of your own thoughts and judgments about yourself

When fear of judgment comes up for you, ask yourself “Where am I judging myself right now?” Remind yourself that no matter what outcome you get, just the fact that you are showing up and giving things a go means you are always more than good enough, and that deserves acknowledgment.

  1. I Am Not as Good as Them

This is a self-limiting belief based on comparison. When we compare ourselves with others, it can really freeze us in our tracks.

This very limiting belief has become more prevalent since the upward surge of social media. It can cause us to waste precious energy, feeling we don’t have what it takes.

If you find yourself comparing and feeling emotions like jealousy, loss of confidence, annoyance or self-consciousness, then you can bet your bottom dollar this belief is playing out unconsciously.

Remind yourself that we are all different. This means we all have unique personalities, a range of different strengths and natural talents. It also means we all have different traits that require development. No one does everything perfectly and this is why we can all easily compliment each other in different ways.

There is no less than or more than, there is just difference. Just because they do it differently to you, doesn’t mean you are not as good as them; it just means you are unique and that is a good thing.

The Bottom Line

Identifying and acknowledging your self-limiting beliefs is the first step in taking back your own power. Blame can keep you stuck for years and over time erodes your self-esteem and can even cause you to go backwards.

True sustainable success is achieved from the inside out, by making the choice to work on your own belief system. It’s vital you weed out any beliefs that are limiting you in any way. This is the way to true empowerment and success, where you will open up your full potential and over time you will notice your life will become limitless.

Source: Lifehacks

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“​AS A WOMAN YOU​ HAVE TO BE DOGGED IF YOU WANT TO GO INTO ACTIVISM​​”​ – ​O​​NUGHA​ ​ROSEMARY​

Onugha Rosemary is a passionate educator and serial humanitarian, she alongside her wonderful team educate and support vulnerable children living in slums across Lagos.​ T​he graduate of Applied Microbiology from Ebonyi State University advocates for quality education, reduced poverty by education and empowerment of women in the society.

Rose who is also a food vendor, has been involved in teaching and raising role models as well as carrying out humanitarian activities with  marginalised children  by donating  school materials to aid easy learning as well as coaching them on the needs of education not withstanding their immediate communities.

In her words​:​ “I intend working with urban and rural slum kids by making sure that each one of them have the privileged of attending basic education and as well acquiring the needed skills to survive as an individual​”.​

The serial Humanitarian shares he inspiring story with me in this interview.

Growing up

My childhood and environment prepared me for what I’m doing now. Growing up in a community where we had hoodlums and sex workers as neighbours made we know who and what I don’t want to be like.

I had several occasions where I was sent out of school because of fee. These are few things children in slums and undocumented areas go through, when asked why you are at home, my parent could probably say I’m not feeling too good.

My environment made me very ambitious because I really wish I could change a lot of things, it made me who I am, it made me have a picture of who I want to be. It made me aspire for greatness.

It was quite unfortunate that I didn’t grow up having role models, I only grew up having people I didn’t want to be like and seeing situation I’d never want to be in.

My passion for the vulnerable and less privileged  in the society

I discovered that most times when interventions, outreaches, sensitizations, quizzes, debates are being carried out the children living in the slums are being exempted. They miss out on a lot of opportunities and empowerment programs because of their environment, as a matter of fact, people and even government hardly remember that they exist. I’m trying to be their voice, to give them hope and as well motivate them to be their best versions of themselves irrespective of their present environment.

Every child matter notwithstanding their environment and their background.

Working directly with slum kids

I believe all children should have an equal right and access to education.

During my research I discovered that about 40 to 50 percent of children living in slums do not have  basic education. And this can further be a disaster to the society in the future. I thought within myself how do I stop this trend and reduce the level of illiteracy in Nigeria? This also formed the basis of my outreach. As we know, education reduces poverty and it has been noted that the level of poverty in the slum is in high rate. To tackle poverty, disease, ill vices in the society and to create jobs and be employable, educating the slum kids is the best shot.

Reception

Most times I go to these communities, I’m been looked down on, like what has this small girl got to offer us. But at the end of the visits  both the children, school owners and their parents are always grateful and they have a different mind set of what education is about.

My Inspiration

Like I said earlier, my environment inspired me. My parents as well especially my late father. He was able to raise us in a godly manner with the help of my mother. Until this moment, I can’t explain how my parents did it that we never took after the environment or joined the bad gangs. Till this moment is bewildering. Honourable Buumba Malambo from Zambia also inspires me she built a home for vulnerable children, orphan in her community as well as educating them.

Also, the founder of La Roche Leadership foundation Mrs Osoba, she is a humanitarian with a golden heart, she is also a member of the Global Goodwill  Ambassador.  she has a library in her foundation that enables children to read to fun and examination. She also donates educational books to different government schools. She supports humanitarian workers to create more impact in the society.

Dr DiPillar Richard who is the founder of Global Goodwill Ambassadors worldwide, he unites humanitarian workers around the world with the goal of making our world a better place. We also have the opportunity to network with other humanitarian workers outside the country and as well learn from them to create a greater impact in the society.

Reward

The greatest reward is the reward of fulfilment. Been able to create an impact in the lives of these kids. Also, when I joined the Global Goodwill Ambassadors network worldwide. When I got featured in a newspaper as well. Those are the rewards for now.

Challenge

One of the challenge is getting funding for projects which is the most challenging. Another is my gender, people tend to think that as a woman you have less to offer, especially going to the slums where they believe that women are not supposed to be educated but they can either fish, farm or trade and also help out at home. It’s challenging having to change their mind set and showing them women role models in all fields. That’s why we need more women to engage in both science and politics, because the society has made them believe that some profession are meant for a particular gender. 

On giving up

Yes, sometimes when I have ideas written down and want to implement them but  not been able to because of some situations like funds. For instance, I visited a community in Alimosho Local Government Area of Lagos State and discovered that there is no secondary school in Abaranje and Okerube communities. These two communities only has  primary education, we can imagine what happens to the children after the primary education. Most of them that their parents can’t afford a private school are either seen roaming about, hawking, some have even joined hoodlums and some others not too good gangs. 

As individual​s​ and government trying to reduce the crime rate, illiteracy and poverty in the society, education should be the number tool to help curb the menace. I have a temporal solution to educate children in that community pending when the state government will erect a proper school and classroom for the community.

Being a food vendor and serial Entrepreneur

My food vendor business is new and I’m still looking out for more clients, so combining it  with my humanitarian work is not really stressful. Because we do mostly in bowls, for meetings and office packs. I have people that can help out in both my humanitarian work and my food business, so I can take an order to deliver meals today and as well go for my outreach the same day. It’s just a matter of planning and having volunteers to assist.

Being a Woman of Rubies

Been able to impact lives, giving hope to children living in slums and undocumented areas and been able to empower women. A woman of rubies is a woman that is a role model in her society.

For women in the development sector

You have to be dogged if you want to go into activism as a woman, people will sometimes look down on you and make you feel you are making a mistake doing what you are doing. Sometimes you might even get a threat on your life, you will go to some places that you would be turned down but don’t give up because a lot of people are looking up to you and would also like to trade on the path. Giving up means you have succeeded in making people looking up to you to loss focus.

There’s always light at the end of the tunnel and you’d be surprised to know many lives you’ve been able to impact with your works.

Activist being appreciated

Activist are not appreciated enough, that’s why we need to create more awareness to show the impacts of our activism and how our activism has made changes in day to day life.

One thing I wish I could change in the education sector

I would like to change the conventional ways of teaching and as well change the mind set of our tutors. Some of our schools still teaches with the same methods our are parents were taught. Education has evolved from been a normal classroom teaching to incorporating our day to day activities into mathematics and all subjects.  Children should be able to mix fun with learning. Games, and life skills should be incorporated into teaching. If children are guided to express themselves and not been imposed, educational system would have a dynamic and drastic turnaround in Nigeria. Education should not only be maths and English, children should be given the space to be innovative and creative.

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