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How To Leave a Toxic Relationship

Learning how to leave a toxic relationship is never as easy as saying, “Hit the road, Jack!” – especially not when you are in love with your partner.

If you’ve been in a toxic relationship, you know exactly how emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting they can be. But if a toxic relationship is so taxing, why is it so hard to leave?

In this article, you will find out why it’s difficult to leave a toxic relationship and how to leave a toxic relationship for good.

How to Know if You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Sometimes it’s hard to know whether you are in a toxic relationship or not. It is often because of the manipulation involved in partner -toxicity.

Another reason why it may be difficult to admit that you’re in a toxic relationship is that there isn’t any outward abuse. Your partner may not hit you or cross any obvious sexual boundaries,[1] but that doesn’t mean you’re in a healthy relationship.

Making a pro/con list can be a helpful first step when learning how to leave a toxic relationship.

Pros might be that your spouse makes you laugh, you enjoy the same hobbies, and you love them.

But, what are the cons of being in your current circumstances?

When you make out this list, it’s important, to be honest with yourself. Does your partner do any of the following?

 

  • Doesn’t give you privacy
  • Cut you off from friends/family/finances
  • Prevents you from attending school or work
  • Is controlling and jealous
  • Makes all the decisions in your relationship
  • Pressures you into things you aren’t comfortable with
  • Makes “jokes” or criticizes you
  • Is unfaithful
  • Talks down to you
  • Destroys property
  • Sends threatening text messages
  • Invades your privacy (checks your phone/social media/follows you)
  • Threatens to do something horrible if you leave the relationship
  • Gaslights/acts like the things they are doing are not a big deal

If these toxic behaviors remind you of your spouse, this may be the wake-up call you need to take action and get out of your dangerous relationship.

Why Do People Remain in Toxic Relationships?

One of the main culprits is oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone in your body that releases during moments of intimacy. This could include making love, holding hands, kissing, or even cuddling with someone.

When oxytocin is released, it causes you to be more trusting of your partner, even when trust is not warranted. This sneaky little hormone is also guilty of promoting bonding, which can make it feel impossible to leave your spouse, even when you know they aren’t good for you.

In addition to the effect of oxytocin, here’re 5 more things that make leaving a toxic relationship difficult:

1. Abuse Weakens You Emotionally

Emotional abuse can be devastating to everyone, leaving the individual weak without self-esteem, making starting afresh a difficult decision to make.

2. It Can Be Life-Threatening

Leaving a toxic relationship can be dangerous, leading to all sorts of consequences, even death. Research shows that a toxic partner kills a larger percentage of women in weeks after leaving a toxic relationship than when they remain in the relationship.

3. The “It Will Stop Mindset’

Society has ingrained in us a “don’t give up on anything” mindset in which people follow even when they recognize it might result in something catastrophic. That mindset is also followed by having the thought that the abuse will stop eventually.

4. Social Pressure

There is always that social pressure from friends, family members, etc., to want a relationship – this pressure only makes the situation worse.

5. Social Reaction

People often don’t want to admit to anyone that they are going through a hard time, which cuts across relationships. People in toxic relationships don’t want to admit the kind of abuse they are going through because of fear or shame of being blamed or judged.

 

The Effects of Emotional Abuse in a Toxic Relationship

1. Fear

This is a constant concern or awareness of danger. You start to have trust issues with anyone you find yourself with that building a relationship becomes issue overtime.

2. Shame

You don’t feel free to interact with anyone who knows what you have gone through like Friends, family members, etc., which often can result in loneliness.

3. Confusion

Your mind consistently wonders, and you seem to lose concentration and cant focus on a particular task.

4. Drugs or drinking

Abuse often results in excessive use of drugs and drinking. Thought that it could take away the pain is a delusion.

5. Suicide

When the pain and trauma get too much, it can often result in the party taking their lives.

6. Sleep trouble

You don’t get to enjoy sleep as you are supposed to. Thoughts and anxiety become the order of every moment.

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship

1. Know That You Deserve Better

Months or years of being told that you’ll never find anyone better than your spouse can wear on you, and you may even start to believe it. But this isn’t true.

Tearing down self-esteem and self-worth is what abusers do to keep their victims trapped in the relationship.

Let “I deserve better!” become your daily mantra. Remind yourself of your worth every day.

You’ve tried your hardest to make your relationship work, but sometimes love is not enough, and you need to move on for your own mental and physical wellbeing.

2. Build a Support System

The emotions you go through for a toxic breakup are much the same as going through a breakup of a healthy relationship. You will feel conflicted, lovesick, relieved, depressed, and more.

Leaving a toxic relationship is especially difficult if you have been financially reliant on your ex – but don’t despair!

Instead of focusing on why this will be hard, focus on building a support system you’ll need when you take the plunge. Research shows that friend and family support during trying times lowers psychological distress.

Having a support system around will make it easier for you to move on.

3. Be Firm About Your Decision

Breakups are hard, no matter what the circumstance is. You’re leaving a life that you’ve grown accustomed to, and even if you know the relationship is no longer safe, it still sucks, leaving the life you’ve built for yourself.

There may be times when you are tempted to get back with your partner, but stand firm! You deserve a partner who loves and respects you.

Do not give your ex any false hope of getting back together. Be firm in your decision to leave the relationship and don’t budge.

4. Cut Off Contact

One of the biggest times for how to leave a toxic relationship would be to cut off all contact with your ex once you’ve broken up.

 

Keeping in contact with your ex opens the door for you to get back together. Plus, seeing your ex across social media will make the memory of the relationship feel fresh in your mind. Here’s what to do when you experience that.

Instead of dwelling in the past, focus on the future, keep yourself motivated. Delete your ex from social media, block them on your phone, and find ways to avoid seeing them in person. These actions will make it clear that you want nothing to do with them.

5. It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken

If you’re at the point of breaking up, you’ve likely tried all of the tricks to get your spouse to change their toxic ways.

Maybe you went to therapy, took a relationship class, or made date nights a priority – but nothing worked.

Your partner is not going to change, and it’s important to remind yourself of this often.

You did everything you could to help them and reason with them, and it didn’t work. Do not expect miracles after a breakup.

Even if an abusive ex changes their ways, it is likely only due to the shock of the breakup. If you got back together, their likelihood of returning to their toxic behaviors is incredibly high.

Learning how to leave a toxic relationship is one thing, but following through with it is an entirely different story. If you are having trouble leaving an abusive or toxic partner, reach out to a trusted friend, family, or call/text/chat with an abusive relationship support line like Day One.

Source: Lifehack

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Biodun Da Silva: If It Looks Toxic & Feels Toxic Then It Is Toxic… Get Out Of That Relationship NOW!

The most vital component of any relationship is the aspect of give and take. For any relationship to function efficiently, there has to some kind of mutual exchange. The absence of this exchange breeds discord which eventually leads to toxicity and, in most cases, dissolution.

“We teach people how to treat us” – Dr. Phill.

We are all created to live dependently; dependent on food for sustenance, clothing for coverings, housing for protection from harsh weather conditions. As much as we don’t like to hear this, humans depend on humans to survive. The success of our life endeavours is contingent upon developing positive relationships with people from all spheres of life.

Physical and emotional dependency is very vital to our overall well-being in life in more ways than one. Human relationship and co-existence is a highly complex and extremely volatile topic. We are cognitively wired differently. It is not a one-size-fits-all kind of conversation and one of the key elements to peaceful coexistence is to understand this.

The need for dependency is why we are in a relationship, be it a business, cordial, or marital relationship. The most vital component of any relationship is the aspect of give and take. For any relationship to function efficiently, there has to some kind of mutual exchange. The absence of this exchange breeds discord which eventually leads to toxicity and, in most cases, dissolution.

A symbiotic relationship exists in almost every aspect of life. Give the earth seed, it will give you fruit in return. When a spouse gives his partner love, care, and attention, he expects all those, and more, in return. When you are vulnerable and divulge your concerns to a friend, you expect that it will remain confidential. A fetus depends on its mother to be incubated and successfully carried until it is birthed. A symbiotic relationship is also a significant factor in business transactions and in civil society.

Understanding that we are wired differently and having respect for other people’s genetic composition, taking cognizant of whom you entrust your life to, and being aware of the courtesies you extend to others are the first steps towards avoiding toxic relationships.

Irrespective of how carefully we avoid toxic relationships, there will be situations where we will encounter people who love to take without giving. They abuse privileges, takes loyalty for granted, and develop a sense of entitlement. So at what point do we draw the line? How do we untangle our emotional and physical dependency from such situations, think rationally, and find a path out of a toxic relationship?

The first step towards finding a path that leads to freedom is to identify what a toxic relationship means to you and how that relationship has impacted your life. Then place value on and prioritize your self-worth. How much are you worth to yourself? People treat you based on how valuable they perceive you to be.

You can be cheap or expensive, there are no in-betweens and if you price yourself cheaply, then you will be susceptible to all kinds of devaluation which will gradually seep into and affect other areas of your life. You also have to recognize what you can and cannot stand for, and what you desire out of life. Trust me when I say human tolerance can only take you to an extent. But most importantly, you will be doing yourself a total disservice by wallowing in toxicity in the long run.

Our relationships with people have the tendency to define us but we have the capacity to change the narrative as to how we want to be treated. Anything below our expectations will breed contempt, which will then lead to self-doubt and may eventually impact our mental health negatively. It is vital to find ways to detach or reduce our emotional dependence on people we are in relationships with.

This can be done by being confident, knowing your self-worth, building your self-esteem, potentials, practicing self-love, and loving yourself enough to walk away when it gets toxic.

Never allow other people’s inability to own up to their inadequacies overwhelm your progress or your sense of accomplishment. People will never hesitate to bring you down if you give them permission to.

Remember, we are wired differently, as a woman, your partner may not see the toxicity he is dishing you. You may even tell him you are uncomfortable with his behavior and he’ll tell you the feeling is mutual and he wouldn’t be wrong. Know where you belong, search yourself, find your peace of mind, and run with it.

Source: Bellanaija

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11 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship

Two days ago a sister shared a very sad story of how her toxic Ex- husband set her up with another man in a bid to break and destroy her. She’d gone all the way into the relationship before she realized it was all game and no love.

A toxic relationship has the ability to surface in any type of relationship such as with a significant other, a child, a parent, a co-worker or even a best friend. For your mental and physical health, it is essential that you get rid of toxic relationship situations in your life as quickly as possible.

It is important to keep your eyes open to red flags as toxic relationships can have serious and severe consequences. Some of such consequences can be to your long-term health.

Once you get rid of toxic relationship circumstances, your life will quickly begin to head in a positive direction, your self-confidence will return, you will begin to succeed at work, your other relationships will return to ones of positivity and you will feel happier each day.

Here are 10 signs that you need to get rid of toxic relationship people in your life:

1.CONTROLLING TENDENCIES

Do you feel as though you cannot express your opinions without this person having a bad emotional reaction? They will attempt to control the way you think, as well as the things you do and the people with whom you spend time. They will also make fun of you to make you feel bad.

Some ways to break free from such individuals is to create a support system, ask for help, establish goals to get rid of toxic relationship circumstances and follow through in the end.

2.YOU FEEL THREATENED

You can feel threatened in a number of ways. You might feel threatened to lose your identity. You might feel threatened by a third party in a jealous manner. Or, you might feel threatened in a more dangerous manner. If you ever question your safety, get out immediately.

You should never be made to feel intimidated or threatened in a physical manner. This is unacceptable, and you should tell someone. Do not hesitate to involve the authorities.

3.SO MUCH DRAMA

Too much drama is not constructive and results in a toxic relationship. Examples of excessive drama include game playing, an open-ended relationship status, wondering eyes, not cleaning up after one’s self, being jealous, constant gossiping, neediness and emotional unavailability.

A little drama can be directly related to passion; however, if the drama never stops, it is likely unhealthy and time to walk away.

4.ISOLATION

If an individual wishes to remove you from all other relationships in your life, this type of isolation is toxic. The person will do everything in their power to remove you from your support system so they can control you even further.

It is important to be mindful of whether or not it is you or your partner trying to isolate you from the people in your life. Some people unknowingly disappear when they start a relationship without influence from their partner, and this is not necessarily toxic.

5.EVERYTHING IS A COMPETITION

A toxic relationship based on competition is often found in work relationships and friendships; however, they can also occur in romantic partnerships and with family members. These people never actually listen to you and they will constantly try to one-up you in every aspect of your life.

6.POWER STRUGGLE

It is possible that you are both contributors to the toxicity of the relationship in some way. This is the result of a power struggle by both parties. When a person feels powerless in a relationship, they will often lash out in a demanding way as a method of overcompensation.

This dynamic can occur in all relationships from a child and a parent to interactions between co-workers. Sometimes, the reaction is based on another person attempting to control the other; whereas, in other circumstances, the lashing out is a self-imposed powerless feeling.

7.YOU ARE EXHAUSTED

An unhealthy relationship can be entirely exhausting. You might feel depleted and emotionally drained from arguing, walking on eggshells or hoping you do not encounter the toxic individual.

These people can be anyone from a co-worker who constantly tries to undermine or demean your accomplishments or an in-law who likes to cause trouble. If you are simply exhausted from speaking or encountering these people, you are likely in a toxic relationship.

8.LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Are you typically a confident individual in most situations, yet with that certain someone you often feel bad about yourself after you spend time together? If so, you need to get rid of toxic relationship people who give you low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem in a relationship can cause you to perceive the relationship differently than its reality. It can cause you to behave differently than normal and even make you paranoid or insecure

9.BELITTLING

Belittling may not seem like a big deal; however, it absolutely is a big deal and should be dealt with as soon as possible. When someone is intentionally, or unintentionally, putting your down, it is not okay.

This type of toxicity is typically regarded as emotional and psychological abuse. Abuse does not have to be physical to cause lasting damage and should never be tolerated.

10.SELF-SABOTAGE

You or the other person in your relationship may be deliberately or subconsciously sabotaging the relationship for a number of reasons. Someone may feel the relationship has run its course. They may feel highly insecure about the relationship. Or, it could be a reaction to past experiences.

11.LACK OF TRUST

Trust is difficult for some people. Whether you have been wronged in relationships in the past or you have a feeling that the person in your current relationship is not trustworthy, you cannot move forward if you do not have trust.

Esther Ijewere™©

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NICKI MINAJ SPEAKS UP ON TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Nicki Minaj who is currently in a relationship with fiancé Kenneth Petty is revealing all about love and her past relationships.

In a series of tweets, she talks about the need to offer “sound advice” to any woman in a toxic relationship instead of judging.

 

 

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