Marriage pressure is one of the biggest challenges folks in their 30’s face. If you have experienced this, then this article is for you.

“Simisola, buy balloon na and do photo-shoot for your birthday”, Tayo said.

“Limme, I’m not buying balloon”

“Why nau? Buy jor so that we can post fine pictures on Instagram”

“Please you people should not go and display my age on my birthday on Instagram o”

Simisola’s 30th birthday was in a couple of days and she was sure her friends would want to announce her cross over to the world of the thirties. But Simi was vehemently against it. Tayo bullied, scolded and bashed her but she maintained her stand that she didn’t want a public announcement of her age. She just wasn’t ready for the questions friends and family would ask.

“So Simi, err… time is no longer on your side o, when are you getting married?’

Aunt Dayo her mother’s eldest sister had called her a couple of days ago full of praises. “SimiSimi peperempempe Peperempe, How are you my dear, your birthday is coming up soon o, Awon brother nko? when are we going to meet them, you are not getting younger o, don’t let your looks deceive you. Abi is there a problem? Shey you will come to my house let us discuss it. Plus Joke, that my friend, her son is back from the States, very fine boy….”

Her Mom had also called her to get ready for deliverance in her church soon.

Poor Simi, she’s beginning to think she has a problem and must marry the next man available.

So many ladies are in Simi’s shoes right now. The pressure from family, friends and the society is insane! Why are we like this sha?!

Society will force you to get married because according to them you are now “ripe for marriage”, saddling an otherwise good woman with a lifelong handicap.

We look upon a young unmarried lady as though she’s suffering from a vile disease just because she’s not married. A lady over the age of thirty soon becomes the butt of ridicule, accusations and meddling, by those around her. Of course there are many reasons a woman could remain unmarried – failed relationships, attitude, exposure, etc.

A lot of times people assume it’s because she has a bad character – in cases when it is, rather than ridicule them, why not help build and mold such women to be better.

Marriage is not the beginning and end of life. I have no doubt its meant to be beautiful and meaningful because it is God’s mandate, but only if you are in it for the right reasons with God’s leading, then it will be fine. Maybe not perfect but it will be fine.  Please don’t make marriage seem like the highest possible achievement a woman can ever have.

There are so many young, impressionable women out there, what advice are we giving?

Be a better woman so God can send the right man your way or you better hurry up and marry the next available guy because time is no longer on your side.

We need to realize that at the end of the day titles are meaningless where genuine feelings are nonexistent.

Stop worshipping the RING! Nigerians also need to change the mentality that the life aim of every woman is to be married and have children. Don’t get me wrong please, I am definitely not in support of the “You don’t need a man team” Hollup! Lol. I definitely need a man, but biko, please, let us marry for the right reasons, not because we want to please friends and family.

No be so? Please advise Simisola.




ChinyereDistinguished Lydia Anoke is a certified NLP Practitioner and the author of the fast-selling book, “SINGLE, FRUITFUL, FULFILLED”, a book that addresses most of the challenges/questions in the heart of Singles, and empowers them to live whole and productive lives.

She is the Steward of the SFF COMMUNITY – a Community with the mandate to raise a generation of whole and productive youths who live fruitful and fulfilled lives in all spheres of life.

She is also the Founder of Kompendia Concepts, a one-stop company for copy-writing, ghost writing, editing and publishing of books and articles.

ChinyereDistinguished is an intentional young lady with a burning desire to live out all that God has deposited in her for the benefit of mankind and ultimately for His Glory. Through her numerous write-ups on different platforms – blogs, social media and books, she is able to fulfil her passion of helping young adults to overcome self-limiting doubts, take full responsibility for their decisions, and hence, live a life of Excellence without limits.

She is a sought-after Speaker especially on topics relating to Singlehood, Self and purpose discovery, personal development, writing.

Read her exclusive interview with Women Of Rubies below:


My dad always gave us books and compelled us to read them. Most of the things I learned and do today are things I read from books or magazines or other forms of written materials.

These books exposed me to different cultures, lifestyles and mindsets beyond that of my immediate environment.

Also, being a Pastor’s child put me and all my siblings in the spotlight from the word go. It wasn’t something I was comfortable with while growing up, but it prepared me to know that there are always eyes watching my every move. That made me very conscious and helped me deliberately cultivate integrity as a lifestyle; so my life in secret is congruent with my life in the public.

I didn’t understand how important that was until more recently when I started sharing my story on social media and even in my books. Now I have people who I didn’t know were watching, leave comments that collaborate my story.


My name is Chinyere Distinguished Lydia Anoke and I come from a family of 9; 2 parents and 6 siblings. My parents are clergy – my dad is a Bishop and my mum is a Pastor. From the above description, you can tell that I was raised in a Christian home and that forms the core of my beliefs and values.

Professionally, I am a Content developer and an Editor even though I studied Computer Science in the University of Nigeria Nsukka. In fact, I spent 5 long years studying the 4 year course, and eventually graduated with a 2’1.

However, I left the ICT field when it fully dawned on me that I was struggling to comprehend basic programming concepts. At this time, I was working as a Software Test Analyst with Wema Bank. My job role was to detect potential bugs in systems starting from the document stage, but I ended up detecting more grammatical errors in the Business documents that I was given. I advised myself and left before my ‘poor ICT sense’ caused some havoc. Fortunately at that same time, I got a Content Development job offer from Mavis Computel Limited, so I gladly resigned.

Afterwards, I took some online courses aligned with my interest and natural flair for writing and editing. Today, I run my own Content development and editing firm – Kompendia Concepts, where we help writers and authors refine their writings to be precise, concise and professional, to enable them communicate better and connect easier with their audience.

Socially, I am passionate about helping young adults overcome self-limiting doubts, take full responsibility for their decisions and actions and ultimately, live a life of excellence without limits. Gradually, I am achieving this one step at a time through my numerous write-ups on blogs, books and the social media.


My book, “SINGLE, FRUITFUL, FULFILLED”, popularly known as the SFF Book, is a detailed guide on how to make the most of Singlehood. We live in a society that is so marriage-oriented that a lot of times, children, especially female children, are made to believe that their sole purpose in life is to marry and give birth; or at least, have a man in their lives, even if she is the side-chick or 4th wife.

The SFF book is divided into four major parts.

I: Who is a Single? – This explains what is means to be Single; not just an unmarried adult.

II: Why do you want to get married? – Marriage of course is a good thing and a God-ordained institution. However, this section of the SFF book compels the reader to pause and question why he/she wants to get married… the motive, the mindset and the preparedness for marriage.

III: What to do before “I Do” – This section enlightens and empowers the reader with the four critical things to do before marriage.

IV: Dealing with SFF Challenges (loneliness, anxiety, pressure, etc.) – Just like every other phase in life, Singlehood has its unique challenges, so this section of the book addresses some of these challenges. Beyond addressing them, it also equips the reader with the right tools with which to handle and overcome their own peculiar SFF challenge(s) which may not be written in the book.

The SFF book is an easy and essential-read for all Singles. It is also highly recommended for anyone who desires to live a fruitful and fulfilled life, and as well support others to do same, regardless of their marital status.
You can find some testimonials about the SFF book on http://bit.ly/SFFfreeDownload You can also download the first two chapters for FREE with that link.


Even though I had always fantasized and desired to write a book, I never imagined that I’d write a book for Singles. But as they say, God takes your mess and turns it into a message; that it exactly what happened with the SFF book and the entire SFF Vision.

I was engaged to be married in 2015. Traditional and white weddings were scheduled for 5th and 12th December, respectively; unfortunately that never came to be. At this time I was already desperate for marriage because we were (un)consciously groomed by both our immediate families and the society at large, to believe that the deadline for ladies to get married is age 25. So I was determined to marry at that age, even though there were so many red flags in my relationship.

I had turned 25 in October 2015, so when my wedding couldn’t hold in December, my anxiety skyrocketed. I had already told most of my close friends about my wedding plans, plus we had already booked some vendors. Imagine my embarrassment each time my friends called to ask “how far?” I felt worse when 2016 came and some of my friends who weren’t even in relationships when I was planning my wedding, started getting married.

Fast-forward to October 2016 when I was going to turn 26 and my plans were still falling more apart rather than coming together, I cried desperately to God: “Father, it seems you have forsaken me. Another Christmas is approaching and I’m still single!” And He replied, “Chinyere, I see you.” Then He started showing me so many things that were wrong with both my relationship and my mindset about marriage. I had stopped desiring marriage; I was desperate for it to obtain the idol status of MRS.

Long story short, that relationship had to end the following month. Then God gave me the SFF Vision – to enlighten, encourage and empower Singles with the right mindset about singlehood and marriage. It started with an SFF interview Series on my blog. The second part is the SFF book. Now we have an SFF Community where we groom Singles. We also have the MFS (Married, Fruitful and Satisfied) part of the SFF Vision which is focused on married folks; this part is still in the pipeline for now.



The SFF Community is an online platform where we are raising a generation of whole and productive Singles. Singles who are committed to:

– Make the most of Singlehood.
– Take full responsibility for their lives – where they are today and how they want the rest of their lives to play out.
– Be people of influence wherever they find themselves.
– Change the negative narrative about Singlehood.
– Re-write the negative marriage stories we have today with their power and exemplary marriages when they get married.

It is basically designed to help and support Singles to live fruitful and fulfilled lives before and after “I Do”. Every month we work with a theme, and then discuss sub-topics aligned with that theme throughout the month. We also bring in expert facilitators for each topic of discourse, if we don’t have any capable facilitator within the community.

For instance, our theme for April was “Understanding singlehood”. In May and June, our theme was, “The Single and his Emotions.” And in this month of October, we are discussing “The Single and his finances.” We also read a book or see a movie aligned with the theme for each month.

The SFF Community is currently run on whatsapp and we take in new members at the beginning of each month.


First, SFF is not a female thing, it’s for both males and females. This is why when we launched the first part of the SFF Vision – the interview series; we got 5 males and 5 females to share their thoughts on the topic: Is it possible to be single, fruitful and fulfilled? This is also why the SFF community is for both males and females, because at the end of the day an SFF lady needs to marry an SFF man for both of them to successfully graduate into the MFS life – the Married, Fruitful and Satisfied life.

So while waiting for marriage, both the lady and the gent need to practice Part 3 of the SFF book – what to do before “I do”:

– Explicitly define what being Single means to them. Until you define a thing rightly, you cannot treat it right, even if that thing is yourself. This is the first step to being single, fruitful and fulfilled.

– Take responsibility for their individual lives. You cannot effectively take responsibility for others – a future spouse or kids, if you are not responsibly taking care of yourself as a single.

– Manage their relationships. You cannot effectively manage a lifelong relationship with a future spouse and in-laws, if you are not currently managing your (in)formal relationships well.

– Find fulfillment. This is the most interesting part. A lot of people suspend fulfillment, waiting for marriage to happen first. Then marriage happens, and it’s still not there so they wait for the kids to arrive, and so on. Truth is marriage does not give fulfillment neither is fulfillment tied to any one or any achievement. It’s something you find and cultivate NOW.

All these are explained with practical steps on how to achieve them in the SFF book.


Initially when I started the SFF Series and the SFF book, some people accused me of preaching against marriage and all. So the initial challenge was resistance to the message. But with consistent sharing and more details, a lot more people now understand what it is about and are buying into the vision.

The second challenge which I am still facing is getting the SFF book into more hands. Some people complain about the cost is high, which I believe is affordable. The SFF hardcopy is N2,000, while the SFF e-book is available in 2 options: buy from okadabooks at N1,000 or have the PDF sent to your email at N1,500.

So I’m praying to have sponsors who will buy in bulk and distribute; and also for opportunity to speak on bigger platforms from which I can reach more Singles and share the SFF good news with them. So far, I’ve mostly spoken to the youth arm of different churches and some online youth platforms where I am invited to speak.



Most of my other projects are still in the pipeline. First, I’m planning an SFF hangout for Singles within Lagos where we can have a relaxed fun meeting to gist and learn. Proposed date is last week of November, though I haven’t made a public announcement yet.

I’m also working on my new book – Turning 28: My journey to true Singlehood, which will be launched in December.

I’m also working on an online course for Singles – Single, Fruitful, Sought-after (SFS); and an online course for writers and authors – The Profitable Author. I have noticed that a lot of writers publish their books/articles and then keep mute about them. Every article is an asset that can generate social and financial capital for the writer, so I’m putting together how to exploit this revenue option in an online course for writers.



The testimonials! My God! Nothing brings me more joy than when someone sends a message or puts a call across to express how my book or posts have helped them make a positive decision, take a bold step or just see things in an entirely new light.

One typical example is a Facebook friend, Blessing Best. We connected last year via Facebook when I was doing my book pre-launch campaign; she was one of the first people to pre-order. Once in a while, she’d ask me for some advice or the other. Then late last year, she sent me a message that the SFF Book gave her clarity on her own calling and today she runs a community for Singles with focus on Love and Relationships. Each time I see her progress and success, it makes me smile.

Some others have started their businesses, some have published their own books, which they’d been afraid to publish, some have left relationships which were not helping their destinies and so many other testimonies.


In 5 years time, I see the SFF Vision as a Global mindset. I see a scenario where people will organize SFF groups and clubs using the SFF book as guide. I see my Team and I being invited to different nations across the globe to speak on how to live a whole and productive life before and after marriage.

I see organizations and individuals sponsoring their staff and loved ones to take the SFS course and other SFF materials.

As an Editor and writer, I see Kompendia Concepts as a sought-after brand for the elite, to handle all their content, editing and publishing works.


Yes, especially in running the SFF Community. I’ve never wanted to be at the forefront of any movement. So sometimes when people are not active in the group, leave the group or it appears that all my efforts are not bearing any fruits, I feel really discouraged.

Mercifully, God always inspires one or more persons at that instant to send a heart-warming message or call to express how the SFF Community has been a blessing to them even though they’ve been ghost members.

These days, such hardly gets to me. I have learned that God is the Founder of the SFF Community and I am just the Steward, so I daily pray over what He has given to me and trust Him to bring the results and increase.


My parents; when I look at how much they have invested in me, I am fired up to be better and help them to enjoy their old age.

Jesus Christ; when I reflect on how He loves me shamelessly and desperately looks out for me to help me be all He wants me to be, I’m fired up to make Him proud of me.

My younger siblings – Mmeso, Victor and Chisom; I’m challenged to be the best I can be in order to help them reach their individual Zeniths faster, so they don’t waste as much time as I did, trying to figure out a lot of things.



A Woman of Rubies is a treasure and an asset, I believe. She is one who lights up her environment with love and her commitment to help others become better. I am all these and more, so I am a Woman of Rubies.



The theme for this year’s International day of the Girl is – With her: A skilled girlforce. And what I’ll like to share with every girlchild is this:

You are complete.

God has given you all the spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, psychological and social capacity that you need to excel in life.

Develop your skills, deploy your potentials, read, read, read, believe in God and believe in yourself, cultivate a personal relationship with God early, surround yourself with positive-minded people and finally, take small steps of faith towards achieving the dreams in your heart; clarity comes from doing, not from over-analyzing.

You can get my book, “Single, Fruitful, Fulfilled” from the following platforms:
1. Okadabooks – bit.ly/SFFonOkadabooks
2. RovingHeights – http://bit.ly/SFFonRH
3. Konga – http://bit.ly/SFFonKonga

Blog: www.distinguishedlives.wordpress.com
Instagram: @chinyeredistinguished | @kompendiaconcepts
Facebook: ChinyereDistinguished Anoke | Kompendia Concepts
Twitter: @CDistinguished
Email: chinyeredistinguished@gmail.com | kompendiaconcepts@gmail.com