It was a women-only meeting, one of those organised by the women leader (usually the Head Pastor’s wife) to empower other women. 

The agenda on this occasion was to inspire attendees to be more. To unlock potentials and harness their strengths.

I cannot remember what led to this conversation or the question that followed. However, I remember quite vividly how this beautiful unassuming woman stood up to ask a question, the question that changed the course of the conversation for that day and opened my eyes to the reality of some other women.

I call it a question because even though she presented it factually, I ‘decided’ it should be for her, a question. It was the most dramatic statement I had heard by then.

She said and I quote ‘When we get to heaven, our husbands will ‘face’ God on our behalf. Men will give account for the women-folk because they are our heads.

Saying I was dumbfounded is putting it extremely mildly but as one of the major participants of the event, I painfully had to snap out of my reverie. I mean, how beautiful will it be to carelessly dump my failures on HIS head at the end of time, I may as well start now. It will indeed be convenient to say the reasons I haven’t met deadlines and delivered or accomplished to the measure of expectations is because of a man/my husband.

Where ever this woman got her idea from, I may never know and honestly,  it is irrelevant. The fact that she ‘lived’ (hopefully not anymore) with this idea carefully balanced in her head is what baffles me till date. I haven’t stopped wondering how many more women live with such ideas as this.

I may not even be as keen as talking about the end of time but I am so interested in how much influence, authority and rule we give men over us. Some ideas are as short changing as they are deadly.

To think we are not living up to the measure of our talents because ‘only men’ are expected to be talented is mind bugging. 

An able bodied woman refuses to add value to herself because she believes women do not need to. Only men do. How lazily ridiculous! What books are you reading? What companies do you keep? Where do you get your ideas?

Snap out of the day dreaming for one, it is a bad dream and two, you are designed to do more; be more.

You may not be looking at making history like Michelle Obama but you need to be an example to the generation coming after you. 

Stop shortchanging yourself with ridiculous excuses. 

Stop applying the bible out of context.

Stop letting in junk.

Guard your heart with all diligence.  These are the issues of life that we are talking about.

Whilst both men and women go through depression, it becomes a lot more amplified in women because of a number of reasons/causes. Below are some of them;

Changes in hormones. Onset of puberty may bring about these changes which in turn may be accompanied by other growing-up issues like identity crisis, parental conflicts, added responsibility to shoulder at tender ages while the male counterparts seem to yet enjoy blissful ignorance etcetera.

Menstruation also comes with its snag; anxiety and irritability for the larger percentage of women.

A study even shows that 3-8 percent of women suffer a particular kind of disorder-severe depression 1-2 weeks before their cycles (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. PMDD).

While some women may not have been diagnosed yet and some others do not know a disorder as this exists, it doesn’t assuage its presence or intensity.

Off the top of my head, I can count quite a number of women who would have to take some medication or even stay few days in the hospital during their cycles. This deals in no small ways with their mental health.

On a more personal note, I have lost count of how many times I have been in the middle of a conversation and I have had to drift into my own world mentally checking if my clothes are soiled or I could still take on one more hour of chatter.

Social Causes and the need or the pressure to live up to societal expectation is another huge cause of depression for women. The emotional built of women make them more likely to rehash negative events, worry over finances, worry over relationship issues, have a teetering work-life balance, loss of a loved one etcetera.

Where the male counterpart would be able to snooze or fall into a deep sleep in a matter of minutes, sometimes seconds, women  will naturally take longer. For some, until the t’s are crossed and the i’s dotted, their minds will be in a state of unrest.

Pregnancy and the super dramatic way it’s hormones changes a woman’s erstwhile planned and packaged life is another huge reason.

So much happens in pregnancy or during the attempts at getting pregnant that I may not be able to adequately articulate in this write up. Take for instance the early pregnancy miscarriage scare or even the outright miscarriage.

Post partum depression is another cause. For some, no amount of preparation for the imminent change is enough. Some would experience crying spells and others would be angry or generally irritable. Aside the hormonal fluctuation side to Post partum blues, it can be as a result of birth complications, breast feeding problems etcetera.

It’s been said that depression is twice as likely to affect women than men.

The call is to look out for ourselves and our loved ones.

A bubbly spirit does not mean a happy spirit. It may actually be a cry for help.

Symptoms to watch out for include;

Loss of interest. This could be in new activities or even those that were formerly pleasurable.

Persistent feelings of exhaustion and tiredness. Goes hand in hand with loss of interest.

Forgetfulness. When that friend or you begin to ask the for the same details repeatedly, it is time to look inwards as their may be a greater problem.

Unhealthy sleep life. Sleeping too much or insomnia- the inability to sleep.

Unhealthy appetite. Too much or too little.

Irritability, worrying, absentmindedness.

And the final one, suicidal thoughts or attempts.

Whatever the stage or symptoms or the cause is, woman, know that you are not alone!

Taking your life may seem like a very good deal to you but take a minute to think over yourself, see the people whose lives may be ruined by your actions. Your action may just go on to cause a ripple effect. You succeed at the suicidal attempt, your loved ones fall into depression because of you, they then take the same route, and their loved ones and their loved ones and on it goes.

You see it doesn’t solve anything.

Speak up.

Accept an embrace.

Do not go into any shell.

Believe you are not alone

And together we will beat this!!