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It’s interesting that some of our educated African brothers and sisters (African-Americans included) are ignorant of the reality of depression, even when we experience it. We worry more about what our kinsmen, friends, colleagues, and neighbours would say, rather than find ways to help ourselves, our loved ones or that stranger; crying out for help.

Son: I am depressed, Dad.

Dad: God forbid! It is not your portion!

Son: What does that even mean?

Dad: Rebuke it, Son! Depression is not for us. We are Africans. It’s a term oyinbo people use to seek for attention.

Son: I have been feeling depressed for weeks, Dad.

Dad: Biko, don’t let anybody hear you say that nonsense again. Tufiakwa! Abomination!

The next morning, this father found his only child in a pool of his blood, with a blood-soaked suicide note on his bedroom floor. All the signs were clearly there, just like in many cases.

***

Not many people experiencing depression express it or seek help. The question remains: how many people are attentive to these signs? How many people offer help?

There are several triggers for depression. Each trigger depends on an individual’s experiences, lifestyle, and/or thought-process.

There’s no shame in feeling depressed. It is not an abomination or a sin against God or Allah. Depression is real, as real as you can feel your breath under your nose. It is as real as the pain and emptiness it comes with.

Depression is a poison that can numb you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Who can relate? Say I.

You don’t have to have experienced depression to know it is real, or show empathy to someone experiencing it.

Depression literally kills many people on a daily basis. It does not discriminate, just like death. Even children as young as seven feel depressed. Many children and teens have committed suicide because they were depressed. No one is immune to feeling depressed. Many “normal people” have lived it too. They all felt depressed: lost, empty, alone, scared, and hopeless.

We need to educate Africans and families that depression is not a taboo. We need to be open to new information to better ourselves and wellbeing. There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of to say, “I am depressed,” or “I need help.” It’s interesting that some of our educated African brothers and sisters (African-Americans included) are ignorant of the reality of depression, even when we experience it. We worry more about what our kinsmen, friends, colleagues, and neighbours would say, rather than find ways to help ourselves, our loved ones or that stranger; crying out for help.

All the signs are there. They are always there. We just have to pay more attention. When we are the ones experiencing depression, we should find the courage to talk to someone. Bottled emotions are like time bombs that will eventually explode. Rebuking “depression in the name of Jesus” is like rebuking the blood dripping on your face from a cut. You see the blood, you wipe it clean to treat the cut, and then ask God for healing, or you call your doctor for antibiotics. Being ignorant of the fact will simply make the cut/bruise prone to infection.

We need to know the difference between ignorance and foolishness. Being educated doesn’t equate to having common sense.

August Strindberg said, and I agree: “There are poisons that blind you and poisons that open your eyes.”

Depression is poison that can either blind us or open our eyes. It is like death slow in coming, if/when not taken care of.

Love can certainly help cure depression. Agape-kind-of love.

After all is said and done, what we tell ourselves takes root in our minds, therefore, controls our emotions and steps. Easier said than done, right? But, when being strong becomes our only way to survive, we start to see things differently, and we become the best of us … eventually. No doubt!

About Nkem

Nkem DenChukwu is a bonafide creative writer and filmmaker. In 2019, she became Houston Literary Awards – Reader’s Choice Winner. She delved into the arts of filmmaking and creative writing in 2012, and has since then, written 7 inspirational books for children, teens, and young adults. Nkem has produced 14 indie films in Texas. In 2018, she was featured in Forbes (Digital Edition) while five of her creative verses have been featured in Oprah Winfrey Magazine. Nkem was a Huffington Post Contributor. For more details on Nkem DenChukwu’s work, visit www.nkemdenchukwu.com

At one point or another, we all burn out. It wouldn’t be wrong to think that plopping yourself down on the couch for a few days would leave you feeling recharged. You may not know this, but physical fatigue can have more to do with mental exhaustion than the exercise you’re getting that day.

Below I’ve listed some effective ways to recharge your mind when it starts feeling burned out.

1. Change up Your Routine

It really can be hard to not fall into a routine. Every day you’re doing the same thing over and over, but breaking up that routine can be a really good way to kick that mental exhaustion. Make a point to challenge yourself to do something totally new once a week.

I mean, if you’re feeling really enthusiastic, try doing something new once a day. It can be something really simple. Instead of taking your usual way to work, take a different one that may be more scenic.

Think about activities that you enjoy that really feed your soul and start doing them. When your mind is opened to new ways of thinking and perceiving, you tend to be much happier overall.

2. Keep a Journal

Keeping a journal is a great way to relieve stress and get it all out on paper.[1] It can be really helpful down the road because it gives you the opportunity to look back and reflect on the progress you’ve made in your life.

Journaling also jolts your creativity, builds confidence, boosts comprehension, and encourages you to follow through with goals. It shouldn’t be something that makes you put pressure on yourself, you don’t need to have an entry for every day either.

Write down what comes to mind, you’ll feel such a release when you’ve finished. Make it a priority to write in your journal a few times a week. Eventually, you’ll find writing to be an outlet for recharging your brain.

3. Meditate

You may have seen this one coming. There are so many articles and people out there who rant and rave about the benefits of meditation, but it truly works. Roughly 80 percent of doctor visits are for stress-related issues. A lot of money and time can be saved if you learn to practice self-care through meditation. It can reduce stress, boost immunity, improve sleep, and can quite possibly increase happiness.

4. Re-evaluate Your Relationships

Having relationships is very important, but it’s even more important to really be mindful of how healthy they are.

You may find that you have a few toxic relationships in your life. It may seem difficult to end these relationships because often times you grow to be comfortable in them. Sadly, dysfunctional relationships may become a ‘normal’ part of life and you may not realize how mentally exhausting they can be.

Take time to be mindful of all your relationships. It’s crucial to once in a while reassess and decide whether they are adding value to your life and well-being. In toxic romantic relationships, you can become extremely mentally drained when you’re  putting energy into something that just may not be right.

People who are mindful of their relationships typically tend to be more confident in their own judgment.

5. Get Some Exercise

Exercise isn’t just beneficial for your overall well-being, it’s helpful for when you’re feeling drained as well. You don’t need to get a gym membership to get activity in.

We’re all busy, I get it, but setting aside just 20 minutes a day can really make all the difference. Multiple studies have shown the value of exercise in boosting your concentration and mental focus.[3]

With a daily 20-minute intense workout, blood flow to the brain increases and you improve your mood, creativity, and memory.

Ditch Your Ego, Be Mindful of Your Soul

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. This can get confused with doing something that brings you a sense of achievement. That feeling of achievement won’t always necessarily bring you joy.

Spending a few extra hours at work to get things done can be productive but powering through can really burn you out. Allow yourself to buy the shoes you’ve been wanting to buy for weeks, or take a spontaneous weekend trip with friends or your significant other.

In the grand scheme of things, our time on earth really is short. Whatever it may be that you choose to do, do it because it truly brings genuine joy to your soul.

Source: Lifehack.org

 

We all know what anxiety can feel like; it can be utterly debilitating and soul-destroying. Many of us are familiar with the pounding chest where you feel your heart is about to explode. Your face flushes or goes suddenly quite pale. You can feel the blood draining from your face.

The panic inside you says: “People are going to notice you experiencing this. Get out of here!” And the stinging fear of embarrassment and humiliation can overwhelm you to the point of tears.

Such experiences can be completely terrifying. We often want to stop feeling these symptoms altogether, however we need to recognize that in many cases, experiencing anxiety actually serves us well.

Our brains are biologically wired to help us survive. What’s happening here however, is our innate fear response has become hyper vigilant in a way that no longer serves us. It’s working in overdrive when we perceive (often subconsciously) there is a threat to our safety but there may not actually be a physical and real threat.

There are strategies you can use to regain control but you will need to consciously learn how to manage anxiety and reduce the emotional, mental and physical experiences you’re suffering.

1. Work with a Professional to Identify and Get Familiar with Your Triggers

Your experience of anxiety will be different to the next person and the next person after that. It’s important to recognize that the specific prescription of tools and techniques that work for you will be different to how they work for someone else.

Spending time to recognize patterns and common features of your anxiety should be a primary step in your management and recovery plan.

Despite popular belief that we need to go back to the root cause of how and why your anxiety started, it’s important to know that sometimes significantly traumatic events and/or experiences are better contained in the box with the lid on. In other cases, accessing the catalyst can be a lengthy and experience and near impossible.

Working with a qualified and trained mental health professional can greatly help you to gently and safely assess and determine things which can derail you. Doing so will not only help you protect your emotional and mental health, but add a greater sense of control in mapping and identifying graduated steps to work through as a treatment plan.

Look to partner with a supportive, empathetic trained professional in your corner who can see risks and help you develop suitable tailored action plans to manage and reduce symptoms that trigger your symptoms. You’ll increase control of your own progress, and your growing confidence can exponentially increase your recovery than trying to go it alone.

If you can’t access face to face or group workshops, online therapy (e.g. Better Help or Talk Space) is becoming much more widely available. There are options available for everyone.

2. Have Breathing Techniques up Your Sleeve

The mistake often made by those in the throes of experiencing heightened symptoms, is trying to recall specific ‘helpful’ thoughts to eradicate the unhelpful ones in that moment. This doesn’t work very often. It’s like trying to open the door of a front loader washing machine just commencing a spin cycle to put more laundry inside!

If your symptoms are highly intense, such strategy is unlikely to succeed. Your mind is the washing machine, by the way.

The way we breathe has incredible power beyond simply inhaling oxygen and expelling it from our lungs. The rhythm, pace and depth all have significant calming and healing effects on us.

Neuroscience documents that by switching focus to managing your breath halts certain neurons sending panic signals throughout your body.[1] The result is calmer physiology.

Making it your job to calm your breath first helps reduce intensity of those tangible symptoms screaming at you.

We breathe in two ways: through our thoracic region and through our diaphragm. The latter is the one you want to focus your attention to:

  1. Place your non-dominant hand, palm down flat over your chest and place the other just under your ribs on your diaphragm.
  2. Either close your eyes or drop your gaze to a 45° angle and choose a spot to loosely focus on.
  3. Draw a breath in through your nose, gradual, slow and smooth as silk for three counts.
  4. Hold the breath for a split second.
  5. Purse your lips and expel your breath again for 4 or 5 counts, slow, smooth as silk. Control the exhalation.

The next breath cycle, you may want to breathe in for three counts and exhale for five counts. Practice this for at least 5 cycles or at least till you start to notice you are physically calmer in some respects.

If you suffer from panic disorder,[2] you can initially feel increased panic or anxiety doing this technique. Stop and practice again a little while later. You need to switch focus from thoracic (chest) breathing which is common during panic attacks, to diaphragmatic breathing.

Don’t wait until you’re in the heat of the moment to try putting the technique into effect. Practice during a time when you are calmer so your brain and body develop a familiarity of the process and what a reduction in your symptoms feels like.

Like a competitive sport, you practice off the court so that when you get on the court, you’re well familiar with what you need to do. You only need to press the proverbial button and let a more automatic, practiced process wield its magic. Practice.

3. Learn Grounding and Distraction Techniques Which Give Your Mind Something to Do

Such techniques are distractions. Do they get rid of your anxiety? Unlikely. Do they help to cope with and reduce the intensity of your symptoms? Yes, so that you can recalibrate yourself to a more organized mental state from which you can engage cognitive exercises that challenge and reframe unhelpful thoughts.

If you’re never thought games such as eye-spy would ever come in handy in your adult years, here is news for you!

Start with the letter ‘A’ and look to name everything you can see around you starting with ‘A’. Move on then to the letter ‘B’ then ‘C’ and so on. Search as far, wide and deep as you can looking for objects that start with your letter of focus.

Or, use colors. Work your way through the colors of the rainbow sequentially identifying as many things as you can that showcase that color. Fully immerse into the exercise and give your mind something to focus on. Spend a few minutes to do this.

A tangible grounding technique is to focus on what you have physical contact with. Pay attention to the sensations; how your bottom touches and squishes into the chair or your back muscles press into the back of your seat.

How do your feet feel in your shoes? How do your clothes feel against your skin? You’re tasking your mind with an activity which decreases capacity for it to focus on your present symptoms of anxiety.

4. Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Professor Jasper Smits and Professor Stefan Hofman have conducted extensive research into the most effective treatments for managing adult anxiety. They published findings in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry from an extensive meta-analysis which revealed CBT to consistently have strong impact in the treatment and management of anxiety.[3]

CBT involves addressing, challenging and reframing negative thoughts and re-shaping unhelpful behavior. A task-based, practical approach is applied to help clients recognize maladaptive thinking and habits, learn more helpful and positive ways to behave and think; and in turn, transform their symptoms.

For individuals to really experience benefit, undertaking regular applications of doable homework exercises is most effective. CBT is highly effective but requires individuals’ regular commitment.

Expect to work with a mental health professional on a weekly basis for three to four months. Find someone who won’t just give you homework sheets (that’s lazy therapy) but is closely attuned to providing you with good education, comfortably assess any resistance to change, and be able to modify and adjust exercises that best enable you to do them.

You won’t just experience a reduction in your symptoms because you develop such strong self-awareness and self-monitoring skills. You’ll learn mental skills that will strengthen your resilience and propel you further forward toward goals of how you want to feel, think and behave.

5. Try the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)

EFT which involves applying light repetitive pressure to meridian points, is becoming increasingly documented as an effective symptom reduction technique for anxiety.[4] Also known as ‘tapping,’ anyone can learn to self-administer it with the guidance of a practitioner.

In collaboration with professional associate Gary Craig, Clinical psychologist Dr Roger Callahan[5] developed a simple yet effective self-administered process where individuals self-apply pressure to acupressure points on their body.

Using techniques from neuro linguistic programming and thought field therapy, individuals consciously lean into degrees of discomfort concerning their thoughts, feelings and physical symptoms.

Best learned under instruction and support of an EFT practitioner or trained professional, you initially apply mindfulness to consciously become aware of your anxiety symptoms – thoughts, feelings and physical sensations.

As you tap, you gradually start to experience relief and reduction in your symptoms. However, remember the level of impact felt will differ and progress at different rates from one person to the next.

Research shows that the positive effect of tapping is long lasting, particularly for anxiety disorders and post traumatic stress. It is becoming used more widely for other mental health challenges including weight loss, grief and loss, low self-esteem and confidence.

6. Use Imagery to Help Manage Anxiety

This is such an under-utilized but very powerful mechanism of our brain when it comes to directing our thoughts and behavior in a way to serve us, particularly in the context of anxiety.

Our brains are neuroplastic. We can train and rewire them to work better in our favor, yet we often live the majority of our day unconsciously by default.

Think about how many times you have day-dreamed today. When your tummy starts growling just before lunchtime, can you easily hook into images of what you want to satiate your hunger?

Often we engage imagery without thinking, but guided imagery is a key technique that helps with the reduction of anxiety with diagnoses of PTSD, social phobia and performance anxiety.[6]

Your brain’s amygdala plays a key role in emotional regulation[7] and hence those emotions connected with perceived fear responses when you feel anxious.

Imaginal exposure therapy (vividly imagining the feared object, situation or activity) works to dampen amygdala activity and reduce the intensity of emotions experienced in anxiety. You have the advantage of visiting memories in a safe, controlled space interspersed with grounding/relaxation, and gently exposing your mind’s eye to that which you feel anxious about. Starting this process should be done with a trained professional.

7. Ensure Relaxation Techniques Are in Your Toolkit

Being anxious is exhausting. For those who suffer from general anxiety, your stress response mechanisms are constantly running, so you need to learn how to tell your body to relax.

Having a couple of meditative instructional relaxation apps you can instantly access through your phone should be on your list of essential management strategies.

In your choice of apps and relaxation techniques. consider choosing one which engages as many of your senses as possible. The more physical feedback you’re directed to notice a reduction in your physical symptoms throughout the relaxation exercise, the more likely you will stick to it and be motivated to repeat it.

Progressive muscle relaxation should be in your anxiety management toolkit. This method directs you to focus on noticing the different feeling between active tension and resulting relaxation when you release the tension of a muscle. Sequentially working through muscle groups in the body from head to toe, your mind is directing and telling your body to become calmer.

You need to be sensible with this one where you might be recovering from an injury or be at risk of developing a physical injury. Certainly avoid this exercise (and meditation) whilst driving.

Again, practicing this one at regular times throughout the day gives your brain and muscles a mental blueprint to relax such that it will be more effective in anxiety-provoking situations. Because you can also feel immediate tangible differences, it can boost your confidence earlier than starting with exercises that are purely cognitive.

The Bottom Line

Reviewing your diet and exercise regime is a given. Reducing caffeine intake, processed food and improving physical movement you engage in daily has incredibly strong impact and makes the strategies above even more effective when you do them.

However, for you to get a strong handle on how to manage and reduce your experience of anxiety, you’re going to have to develop a commitment to regularly applying changes.

If you don’t know where to start, get in touch with a therapist. Your first step is to develop a strong awareness of what you’re experiencing and what could be triggering it.

When you know and understand more, you can do far more in the pilot seat to land your anxiety back on the tarmac and potentially never let it take off from that runway again.

Author: Helen Dasilva

Last month, popular Nigerian Artiste Harry Song opened up on his battle with depression and cried out for help, while many mocked him for speaking up as a celebrated figure, one woman reached out to help him find his path and walk him through his healing process, that woman is Oyinkansola Alabi , popularly referred to as the Emotions Doctor, the Lead Researcher and Lead Facilitator of EMOTIONS CITY, an Emotions Coaching and Consulting Firm. The company works with leaders of various arms of Government and NGO’s as well as Business and Institution leaders at all levels, using original, home grown research and principle based methodologies.

She is one of Nigeria’s clearest and sought after high impact trainer. She has trained tens of thousands of executives who desired to achieve a high level of Emotional Intelligence.

The Cornell University trained Human Resource Executive, Certified Life Coach, Cognitive Behavioural Specialist, Licensed Emotional Intelligence Practitioner, only female six seconds network leader in Nigeria, is also the convener of the first ever Emotional Intelligence Week in Nigeria and arguably in Africa .Oyinkan also serves as an ordained Pastor under the astute leadership of Pastors Taiwo and Nomthi Odukoya.

In celebration of World’s Mental health week, Oyinkan shares her inspiring story with me in this exclusive interview as she highlights the cause of the recent increase in depression and her determination to give hope to those who are hopeless and on the verge of giving up.

Childhood Influence
In retrospect I think that my childhood prepared me for what I’m doing now because 2 months before I was born my father had stroke and that life altering experience introduced me and my family into a flavor of poverty and scarcity.I grew up faster than my peers because I had learned how to take responsibility for my existence.

I also promised myself that I was going to be the best version of what God created me to be despite my financially epileptic background. I must also admit that one clear value my parents transmitted to me was the yearning for knowledge.

I remember my father taught me how to read by giving me a book to read every week and when I was done reading he gave me a gift. I initially read because I wanted a gift but I later read to a point where I outgrew the gift. I knew I was consuming knowledge for my own good.

Oyinkansola Alabi

Meet Me!
I am the voice of your unconscious calling you to embrace your greatness. I amA soul who is passionately consumed by the vision to help adults take responsibility for their mental health and emotional stability.I desire to help as many people as possible in every state, every country, whatever gender, marital status, sexuality, religion, move from a place of emotional instability to a place of emotional stability, a state of unhappiness to a state of happiness. I am that soul who craves to help you increase your productivity, happiness and help live a life of fulfillment want you to know that we are not on earth to work, pay bills and die, you are here to enjoy your life.

Inspiration behind Emotions City

My desire to help people move from a state of pain into a state deep happiness and fulfilment ignited my desire to launch Emotions City.We actually launched the Youthmax Academy earlier which is arguably the first Emotional Intelligence Academy for Millennials in Africa.Then we started receiving training requests from Professionals and corporate organisations who had been informed of our unparalleled value and results. The essence of Emotions City is to help people live the best version of their life.We desire to help people reduce their pain, We desire to give life where death looms,We desire to reduce the number of hopeless, helpless, depressed and suicidal souls in Nigeria.We are also the only mental health facility in Nigeria who offers round the clock coaching and therapy service. While others close for the day, our midnight listeners are willing to listen and resolve emotional distractions.

Impact

I think that the results of my impact are in the quality of souls that I have been able to raise. I daily engage a principle I heard a while ago that, it is better to train a child than to repair an adult. I think it’s true because a number of professionals are repairing adults which in itself isn’t bad but I think we can become more proactive by raising kids instead.Raising kids is proactive, repairing adults is reactive.To this end, we have created sub units under the YOUTHMAX Academy called the Child and Teen max Academy. It’s been proven that it’s cheaper to raise than to repair. A broken soul at best will be remoulded but never restored to default setting. Only God restores.

Balancing it all

I doubt the concept work life balance exist, I think what exists in reality is work life integration. I integrate my life by living and existing one day at a time. I deliberately refuse to engage in emotional labour where I worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself, My duty is to prepare and plan. So my responsibility as a Coach, Pastor, Public speaker and Mum are going well. I am not perfect but I am getting better at it daily.

Work Challenges

I am in a field plagued my men. Men who have been programmed to think it’s their birth right to lead. Men who support other men and will choose other men before they remember women exist. They do this not because they hate women but because they have been scripted to reach out to other men before women.The second interesting challenger is fact that some clients feel entitled to your time and expertise. They feel it is your responsibility to serve them for free once they reach out to you. Most of them haven’t been trained to take responsibility for their mental health. They have been trained to request for freebies so once your invoice welcomes them to reality, they freeze and some resort to emotional blackmail. This really doesn’t bother me because I am aware I can’t help everyone. I will only help those I desire to.

Other Projects

We are collaborating with some international organisations to help develop revolutionary products. We will disclose them in due time but for now, we are concentrating on making Emotions City the one stop centre for emotional intelligence training and solution.

Reward

My greatest reward are the evidence of changed lives. I am not on earth to be rich or be wealthy. I am here to help souls embrace their inner divinity. I am also aware that resources will be provided while being consumed by my passion.

Emotions City in 5 years
In the next five years, we will have moved from being just service providers into products manufacturers and global thought leaders. Are you wondering how? We will share details when we can.

Never giving up
No I have never thought of giving up. My noble goal is addictive enough to consume me. I however get tired and when I do I reach out to mentors, friends and family members. I must admit that I am blessed with beautiful relationships that service my existence.

Women who inspire me

Models like Oprah, Serena Williams, Maya Angelou, Bimbo Odukoya inspire me to do more. These souls lived / live for humanity.

Being a Woman of Rubies

One familiar truth I am aware of is that I am authentic.I am true to my soul. My public and private life are in sync. My words and actions also align.I think my authenticity and my voice are what makes me a woman of rubies.

Nigerians & Awareness to Mental health

Nigerians need more awareness and clarity on mental health. A good number of us actually think mental health is only for people with psychological issues.We haven’t fully come to terms with the fact that there is no health without mental health.

Cause of increase in Depression
The word is becoming more complex. Culture is changing. Economy is worsening. The rules of parenting, relationships and success are being redefined. Social media is brewing envy and jealousy.

These complex engagements are ultimately climaxing some emotionally unstable adults into a state of unhappiness, hopelessness, helplessness, self esteem issues, inferiority complex etc. Once all of these states set in and your internal affairs are more disempowering than empowering. You will question your existence. Once you feel you are not good enough, nobody cares about you, the world will be better without you.Suicide becomes attractive. Suicide is however not an option. There are at least five other options you can embrace and we can show you how at Emotions City.