Marriage - Women of Rubies

In Interviews&profile January 27, 2018 By Editor

I BELIEVE THE MARRIAGE INSTITUTION IS UNDER ATTACK -SIJU YUSUF, AUTHOER- HAPPILY.EVER.AFTER.LIFE

Siju Yusuf is a relationship counsellor and writer whose articles have been featured in several online publications and websites. She currently works as a social media influencer and a contributor for several marriage and women based online magazines.

She is passionate to see people live out God’s plan for their relationships and marriages. Her debut book Happily. Ever. After. Life, is a book on actualizing the fiery happily ever after life is targeted at unmarried partners and married couples.

She loves to listen and share real-life experiences with friends. She runs a blog where she typically shares her personal experiences in mundane every-day life, with the aim of identifying to her diverse audience and inspiring hope. She is married and blessed with a son.
In this interview Siju shares her passion and the reason why the increasing rate of divorce and bad marriages inspired her to write a book. In her words “I believe in relationships, I believe in marriages, I’m a big fan for love stories and happily ever afters”

Childhood Influence
I talked a lot as a child, I talked so much my parents said I would ask from time to time, ‘Am I talking too much?’ I guess my parents noticed the strength of a communicator in me and they encouraged me. They answered almost all the questions that I asked. They also invested in novels. I read a lot as a child and I remember writing a novel at 9 where I used big words like ‘Soliloquize’. I cannot remember in what context now. My friends thought it was too big to be relevant.
Also, I remember as a child, I loved giving people a sense of being, a sense of belonging. I seemed to always have the right words to cheer people on so even though I talked a lot, I also listened a lot, which are both key to what I do now.

Meet Me!
I am Siju Yusuf. A writer, a social media influencer and a passionate women health (psychology) activist. I have two masters degrees; one in human relations and the other in media and communication. I am an optimist and very passionate about drawing virtue even from mundane things. I am a wife and a mum, most importantly, I am a child of God. House flies are my greatest phobia (lol).
My Passion
I inspire. I speak. I write. I write on topical issues to influence rational thinking with the aim of inspiring a better people.

Why I wrote “H.E.A.L”
Happily. Ever. After. Life, all about? In 2016, I woke up with a burden on my heart. There seemed to be so much divorce in the land and I knew the marriage institution was under heavy attack. Happily Ever After life is a book that marries real life experiences with the biblical illustration of marriage. It aims to help readers align, re-align to the intent of God concerning and also to wake up to the lies as postulated by the devil in this age. It’s available on amazon in ebook and paperback and a must have for every family especially newly weds.

Culture of reading as a challenge
The challenges are age-long. Interestingly because of my background, I tend to have majority of my audience from my home-country, Nigeria. The general belief is that Nigerian’s would rather watch than read. We prefer visual to textual. I am quite happy though that this is fast changing and more converts are arising. Writers are also finding new ways of interpreting graphics into texts.

Quitting the banking sector for Media…
Interestingly, the move was not something I planned for. I knew it would happen, but not at the time it did. I was on my one year maternity leave when I returned to my first love (writing). It is safe to say many things happen when our minds are freer. I was on the phone to my life coach when she said ‘Siju, your maternity leave ends in a few months, why don’t you write something?’ I remember that night, when I ended the call, I wrote 19 full articles. It was as if I had been unleashed. After my leave. I tried to go back to banking (for the money) but obviously God has other plans. I don’t regret it one bit. A lot has happened since then that would not have happened if I was still a banker. My life has been much more impactful. Purpose has been redefined and I am maximising potentials.

Other Projects & Activities
There is HUG Initiative. A non-profit organisation established to support people psychologically and materially. I run a blog and also contribute on other blogs.

Greatest Reward
Thank you! The look of fulfilment and the gratitude in the words ‘Thank you’ is enough to push me to do more.

Where I see my brand in 5 years
I honestly cannot put into words the visualised 5 years. The vision is beyond me. The feat that I have achieved today is not something I would have thought of a few years ago. I know the vision is big and we are very prepared for whatever is ahead.

Not Giving up
Giving up is relative. I have felt dejected sometimes but never to give up. I am driven not by physical strength but by psychological awareness. I am quite aware about the strength of our minds. Whatever is cooked in that space channels the course of our actions therefore, I pay a lot of attention to what happens there.

Inspired by Purpose
The realization that I am supposed to live purposefully and to impact others. There are a lot of women I admire their strengths. Too many to mention.

What makes me a woman of Rubies
Crisp. My renewed mind.

Final words
My message for women most times stems from the obvious, the patriarchal nature of the world we live. Rather than fight this fact, rather than expend energy on unnecessary debates, let us renew our minds. The freedom women seek starts from their minds.

In self development May 3, 2017 By Editor

FEYI OKUPE : MARRIAGE WON’T SOLVE YOUR LONELINESS

Hi Ladies,

It’s another Saturday, lots of weddings to attend and someone out there might just be feeling left out because it’s not their turn, or they might be feeling left out because they don’t have a “Bae”, whereas this shouldn’t be the case. To buttress my point, I’ll say this….

“Marriage doesn’t solve your Loneliness, so don’t rush into Marriage because you are lonely. There are so many Lonely-Married people and you don’t want to be one of them.”

You see, I have heard a lot of singles ladies say they are lonely because they are not in a relationship like some of their peers, some of them also feel the solution is to get married but I disagree because Marriage is not the solution to loneliness. I have heard of many cases where a Wife is so lonely and lacks companionship in her home, despite being married and living with her spouse. So, please ladies, don’t rush into marriage because it’s trending or because you attend weddings every Saturday and feel like it’s the next achievement on your bucket list. Marry because you are ready and because you are fully prepared for what it entails. Trust me, it’s beyond a 6-hour event, so please prepare. If you feel lonely, get busy. Get involved in productive activities, go on holiday, hang out with good friends, watch a movie; read a book and work on your purpose. Enjoy the free time you have now and maximise it. Don’t let your age / family pressure you. Relax, be patient; you will get married at the right time according to God’s will.

Have a blessed / restful weekend. ❤️????

Feeyi Okupe

In self development March 3, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

AKUDO ABENOGWE-ADEBAYO: ON CRUMBLING MARRIAGES…DON’T LIVE A LIE

Marriages are falling apart and that is no news. What is news is the way and manner at which the institution is breaking. Our forefathers clearly understood the purposes of marriage and placed optimum values on the marriage institution. These days, however, people have little or no respect for marriages.

I think people are more in love with the idea of getting married than the married life itself, and I stand to be corrected. Do you know the level of planning, excitement etc that women especially put into their wedding? The hair must be right, the makeup great, the outfits perfect, the venue wonderful, the food and drinks amazing, the music and entertainment outstanding. In fact, everything must be perfect. However, little or no plan is put into the marriage on how to face the expected challenges that comes with it. What often happens is that after the glitz of the ceremony, the day breaks and the challenges comes, you see the couple falter and give up even without trying.

Truth is, marriage is as hard as life. Life is hard, but you see us trying to survive and conquer all odds to be successful in life. But we hardly make such efforts to survive our marriages and conquer all odds to be successful at it. We give up and use every available excuses to defend ourselves. I will try to analyse the various angles to the recent breakup of the marriages of Tonto Dikeh and Ubi Franklyn, the best way I can, bearing in mind that there are three sides to a story, your side, my side and the truth.

Ubi Franklyn fell out with his acclaimed girlfriend Emma Nyra and went public with gory details about her, painting her black and him white. In the same process, he got engaged to Lilian Esoro and they went ahead and got married. Lilian Esoro was matured enough not to speak about Ubi and Emma Nyra’s controversy, but she married him because they were in love right? After their grand wedding, Lilian and Ubi would put up happy pictures and cryptic words showing them living their lives on social media. Meanwhile, there were were already cracks in the wall, and it finally happened few months after the birth of their son.
Lilian walked out of the marriage citing almost the same issues that Emma Nyra claimed she went through in her relationship with Ubi.
My question is, why make so much effort to show a façade on social media when it’s not the reality of that marriage?

Now, Tonto Dikeh got married to Olakunle Churchhill in a secret wedding that shocked everyone. While I gave kudos to her for managing to keep her relationship out of the public until they wedded, I was mostly impressed that she seemed to have turned a new leaf. What with all the inspirational and almost spiritual messages she would often post on her wall, her fans were ecstatic for her. I got a bit worried when she would post every little thing about her marriage on social media. She would write epistles on special occasions and eulogise her husband, calling him all sorts of nomenclatures and praising God for giving her such a loving husband. I felt that all was not well, and that it was a desperate attempt to cover up something and create a different picture from reality.

And suddenly the cookie crumbled, now Tonto is singing a different song. There has been accusations and counter accusations from both parties, the husband whom Tonto used to paint as a demi-god has now become the devil himself. The most funny of them all is Tonto’s recent claims that she lied on social media to paint her husband in a good light. That is absurd because we didn’t ask you if your husband was a saint or not, we didn’t even need to know if he was the perfect husband or not period!

A lot of responsibility of the marriage is placed on women, especially christians. This is because we are homemakers, we are builders, we are shapers. Remember that the Holy book says ‘whoever finds a wife finds a good thing’. It didn’t say a woman will find a husband. It is the man that will find a wife, and she will be a good thing to him.

Make no mistake ladies, we have roles to play in our men’s lives. We have the power and ability to build, shape and make our homes into what we want it to be. We shouldn’t give up on them just because there are issues, rather we should help them get the help they need as the case may be and if that doesn’t work we would know we tried our best.
Don’t waste so much energy displaying perfection on social media, and to the world… instead of building your home. It should be the other way round. Ask God for the ability to forgive all wrongs, conquer every challenge and survive the odds in marriage. Don’t live a lie; if your spouse sees your effort in making the marriage work, he/she will join you and you will both make sacrifices for the good of the home.

My 2 cents, see you next week.

Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo is a multiple award winner, with over 8 years in the media industry. She also hosts (Love Moments With Akudo) and is CEO of SATT Media, a content and media marketing company. She blogs at Akudosworld.
She is married with two adorable kids and loves Jesus with all her being. She is a TV addict, loves dancing and traveling, and a lil gossip now and then. Follow her on twitter@akudoabengowe or instagram@akuabengo

http://akudosworld.blogspot.com.ng/

About Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo

In self development January 31, 2017 By Editor

KEMI AMUSHAN : WHEN HE DUMPS YOU WITHOUT NOTICE

So I’m going to tell you a little story about a friend of mine called Pomi. She is actually the only crazy friend I have, the Ying to my Yang, my other mischievous half. Lol.

So she met this guy recently…actually they’ve known each other for a bit over two or three years. But didn’t get very close until recently. Clearly there was some clear flirt vibes going on because he always invited her to his apartment, they went out a few times together, checked on each other a lot, spent nights in each others apartment…oh did I mention they stayed in the same compound? Yes they did. So one day, he drops this bomb: “I’m really not interested in a relationship right now.” WTH?

Now you know for a fact there was sexy energy between the two of them no doubt. But what really happened? I still ask myself that question every time I think about how fast the relationship came crashing down in just a month.

What happened? What exactly was the plan here because left to me, he was just playing games with Pomi. So I really thought about it long and hard and I came to these conclusions you are about to read below and only one of those is the truth.

When a man tells you he’s not interested in a relationship, it might really be true, but it might not. He might be playing one of 5 “cards” here…

* The Pity Card

He’s telling you he’s not interested, just broke up, etc., because he hopes to get some tasty-sweet woman-sympathy. It’s an attention thing. Trust me.

Playing this card might even get him some “poor brokenhearted baby” sex. Which could develop into regular bootie calls.

WARNING. You probably already know that women tend to hope that bootie calls will turn into a deeper relationship. Men don’t. So just let him be. Leave him alone.

*The “Screening for Bootie Calls” Card

This one is a version of the truth. He’s not interested in a “relationship,” but he is interested in sex. Just go back to the above warning.

* The “I’m in Control” Card

He tells you this in case he might want to date you.You’ve backed off, so now he gets to call all the shots if he decides he wants to.

* The “Easy Exit” Card

Once he’s told you he’s not interested, he can freely make a play for you, and you’re all off-balance. He’s definitely now in control. So if you date for a while or even sleep together, and then he decides he’s ready to move on, he has a ready-made exit excuse. He can quickly and easily put all the responsibility for “misunderstanding” on you. For example, “Hey,” he can casually say, “I told you I wasn’t interested in a relationship.”

*The Truth

Yes, some guys say it because it’s true and some guys say it because it’s true, then change their minds and decide to date. So how do you respond to his “I’m not interested” speech? Simple, take him at his word. Assume he’s telling the gospel truth, and leave him alone. This means you move forward with your life, immediately. Date other men and don’t put your universe on hold in hopes that something might develop with this guy. Don’t behave like his girlfriend or his bootie call. Be clear that if he’s interested in dating you, then your outings have to be actual dates, not “let’s watch a movie at my place then have sex” or “I need to fill some social gaps” or “you’re the only one available, so why not.”

You’re worth so much more than that. Okay?

To your happiness. Cheers.

Source: Guardian