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I try to stay away from sensitive issues to avoid triggers, sadly I can’t sit this Sylvester Oromoni issue out.

The 12-year-old who was killed at Dowen College by his seniors for allegedly refusing to join a cult group

My motherhood hormones won’t let me turn the other cheek on this case.

His dad’s account of the situation as revealed in the interview with Punch is heart wrenching 💔

They tortured and de-humanized Sylvester Oromoni.

Nobody should be treated that way.

Poor boy, he would have wished someone teleported and saved him from those wicked humans.

I have not been myself since I watched that video, it re-opened old wounds, especially when I was falsely accused of theft in the University & tortured.

I know I have shared that story many times, but it’s a part of my life that killed & awakened another part of me.

The torture & humiliation – I can’t forget.

Torture could make you wish for de.a.th.

The chants of “Oju ole re” as me and my friends took the walk of shame to the shrine we were taken forcefully to prove our innocence….

The look of disgust from onlookers as we walked down to Ijebu Igbo road….

I repressed my emotions for years, and blamed myself instead for following my friends to Bisoye’s apartment in Oru, Awa -Ijebu, that year.

From the moment I confronted my repressed emotions, I became overly ⚠️ cautious when I visit people & my threshold of pain doubled up.

I thought I was some hero for many years because I’d rather keep silent than confront situations, even when I was unhappy. I”d woman up…

I didn’t go for therapy…nothing.

Just went about my life till the wound re-opened after another episode of violence & psychological abuse.

I’m shaking writing this…no worries I’m good.

When I have the courage to confront situations, I become empathetic almost immediately.

I had a safety concern at home the other day, and instead of calling the police immediately, I focused on my luck of getting out of the situation.

I felt pity for the human who could have hurt me.

It shouldn’t be so, but it was a denial and numbing stage I’ve gotten used to.

I went about my day, and woke up at 5.37am, processed what had happened the previous day, and realized I should have called the police immediately.

I should have gotten this human arrested, she could have hurt me badly if she had a sharp object.

Self-blame kicked in again.

Trauma & Torture can mess your whole system up, no matter how many therapy sessions you go for.

Let’s not even talk about the PTSD jab that puts you in fear and flight mode constantly.

You are easily startled and frightened.

The pain lives rent free in your head.

You may experience very strong feelings of anxiety, sadness every now and then.

You are healed, but the reality of being human or hearing other people’s story triggers you.

You don’t want to be grateful at the expense of another person’s pain too. Perhaps that’s what I feel towards Sylvester’s death.

I have experienced other forms of pain in life, even worse than the false theft accusation, but that experience is hard to forget.

Perhaps it’s the residue of the torture, and the reality that those boys could have killed us, and made it look like an accident.

The sight of armful objects they kept as last resort if we didn’t confess.

All for what? N22k gold chain.

They were cult boys too.

I wish I slapped the day light out of Bisoye when she begged after we were vindicated, but I just wanted to go to our hostel, and get away from the humiliation.

They said I should always wish her well, but Karma won’t. That’s on what goes around.

Perhaps I need to document this in a book for closure.

For those asking us to take it easy on the boys who killed Sylvester, I hope you never experience what that little boy suffered.

I pray your kids never find themselves in that kind of situation.

I pray your kids never experience bullying and torture.

I hope they are not hiding their experience from you, because you don’t pay attention to them.

I pray you never lose a child 🙏🏿

I pray you don’t raise bullies who would become menace to the society.

Don’t ever judge a pain you’ve not experienced.

There are many people living with different childhood traumas, experienced at school or their home.

Some of us have mastered masking our pain just to look the part society demands, even when we are standing with our broken parts.

Justice must be served! Not just for Sylvester alone, but to encourage silent victims of bullying in our schools to speak up and break the silence.

I said I was “good” at the beginning of this write up, I’m triggered actually, but I’d check in with my therapist.

Therapy….I’d address on another post.

I just had to get this off my chest 😩.

May Sylvester’s soul rest in peace 🙏🏿 🕊

#Justiceforsylvester #dowencollege

2020 ended leaving me feeling emotionally exhausted , even while I consciously detoxed at intervals through out the year, When  I laid my head on my pillow on December 31st ,  I felt I used up all my energy, and I could hear  my body screaming “Slam the brakes, Esther”. I listened….only to wake up on January 1st to the sad news that a friend passed away due to Covid19.

This is my situation, but truth is we all get emotionally exhausted at some point in our lives. It is normal to experience an overdose of one emotion or another and deal with their hardship and struggle, and only through this experience can we truly see the beauty of life. But when the emotional exhaustion turns into a perpetual experience of negative emotions, it isn’t healthy anymore.

Emotions are the driving forces that build our character, and they give flavor to our lives. The more we understand emotions, the better we can deal and nurture them. The ability to deal and nurture our emotions and the emotions of others is called emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the capacity for identifying the signs of emotional exhaustion. It is natural to be emotional, show emotions to oneself, and share and express them to others. It is a crucial part of the individual’s personal and social development.

But can we really recognize our emotions in a way so we don’t get entangled by them—in a way that we get emotionally exhausted?

The Meaning of Emotional Exhaustion

Emotional exhaustion is the state when negative emotions overwhelm the present moment—in any aspect of life—over and over again,. Today, emotional exhaustion is closely linked to emotional labor, which when poorly managed results in being burn out

However, emotional exhaustion can also be an outcome of social, familial, friendly, or intimate relationships.

Regardless of the source, when you repeatedly feel the following:

  • Worried
  • Bored
  • Anxious
  • Unworthy
  • Unhappy

This increases the emotions of becoming even more:

  • Frustrated
  • Fearful
  • Doubtful
  • Angry and
  • Annoyed

And you reach a state of being emotionally exhausted—a state of dullness, confusion, and tiredness.

“Repeatedly” means daily. Every day, deep inside of you, there is the feeling of one or few of the above-mentioned emotions, overwhelming your present moment, playing a part in your daily activities—robbing a significant amount of your physical and mental strength and vitality.

What Are the Symptoms?

The symptoms are subjective or objective indicators that you feel within yourself. The first symptoms feel mostly like:

  • Tiredness – a subjective indicator that you feel somehow exhausted (physically or mentally), which at the same time might also be true that you’re not if your statement has the inclination of complaining.
  • Boredom – an objective indicator that gives you the unpleasant feeling of not knowing what to do—being disengaged from positive emotions, feeling dull, and empty.

Further symptoms would be the constant feeling of being unworthy of the things you do or unhappy with the things you do, regardless of your accomplishments.

Feeling constantly tired (physically) and disconnected from what is going on around you is a symptom that you’re emotionally exhausted. These symptoms lead inevitably to a behavioral pattern that evolves into a chronic habit of complaining. This leads to the objective signs of emotional exhaustion, which impacts professional and social life.

What Are the Signs?

The signs of emotional exhaustion can be detected through speech, tone of voice, body, and facial movements. Normally. they are to be detected by an outside observant like a professional or a loved one—any trusted person with an understanding of how emotions work.

Here are two things we need to do to identify the signs (as well as the symptoms) of emotional exhaustion:

  1. Improve self-awareness for more precise detection of the signs (the same goes for the symptoms as well);
  2. The openness to share our situation, feelings, and emotions with a trusted person—an observer with enough competence on the subject matter who can inform us about any signs of emotional exhaustion.

3 Signs of Emotional Exhaustion

The signs of emotional exhaustion are hidden in your emotional expression, and they show through your mood and the way you react and manage your emotions.

When lacking self-awareness, the most efficient way to identify the signs of emotional exhaustion is to seek professional support or ask your loved ones to have a closer look at your behavior, your reactions—like body posture, facial movements (micro-expression), and verbal or non-verbal expressions.

I know, it is not easy to share such personal feelings and weaknesses with others. But one thing that we must understand is that we are all interconnected, and our personal growth is dependent on communication and interrelation with the people around us. And that applies especially when things go wrong.

If you don’t open to your closest, how can you nurture your positive emotions and express positive qualities and virtues to others?

Self-awareness detects emotional exhaustion. As a meditation teacher, it is my daily business to analyze, study, and share my opinions about emotions. The meditation as the fundamental element of reviving the self-awareness can help to manage this whole subject matter.

My research in this field has proven that we can detect signs of emotional exhaustion once we objectively experience the following moods:

1. You Feel Tired Very Quickly and Very Often (Physical Exhaustion)

It is nothing but natural to become physically exhausted after performing physical activity. After a rest, the body recovers, recharges strength, and replenishes energy. Usually, in this condition, you have the stamina and the resilience to absorb many of the below-mentioned signs. But once the physical exhaustion becomes chronic, the body cannot replenish its energy that easily. That’s when you will feel fatigued.

2. You Lose Interest in Engaging in Daily Activities

Chronic tiredness results in a mood that expresses demotivation, idleness, annoyance, and frustration. These are signs of emotional exhaustion—showing no motivation, no vitality for engaging in or exploring new things in life.

3. You Feel Insecure, Incapable, and Unworthy

The need for isolation arises and you reach a mood where you feel insecure. Doubtful and anxious, you begin to question your capabilities and your self-esteem sinks lower and lower. The cocktail of these feelings and moods creates so much confusion, resentment, and sadness up to a point of complete emotional exhaustion—a state of burn-out.

How to Prevent or Get Over This Exhaustion?

One organic way to recover from emotional exhaustion: Meditation. I meditate alot .

  • Prevent the development of emotions—in other words, learn to identify the emotion before it arises and cut its process of evolvement. For example, the feeling of boredom leads to annoyance, and that leads to rejection, irritation, frustration, and so on.
  • Once a negative thought arises and creates a destructive feeling, it is a sign that negative emotion is about to erupt. The idea here is to disrupt the creation of this process and exchange it with a constructive mental and physical activity.
  • As emotions are the result of the unconscious repetition and acknowledgment of feelings that are supported by the constant creation of thoughts, it is imperative to understand that the root cause of emotional exhaustion is found in the creation of these thoughts.

Final Thoughts

One thing worth remembering is that no human being is spared from the turmoil of emotions. You, me, and everyone else suffer and enjoy the effect of the emotions that we create for ourselves.

The above technique sheds light on how you can identify, understand, and move through the whole spectrum of emotions to get over the emotional exhaustion and achieve emotional balance. This way, you can safely experience being the victim as well as the beneficiary of your various emotions.

Know that emotions are there to be analyzed and understood, not only to be enjoyed or avoided. Embrace them, handle them, and don’t get lost in them.

Stay Safe, Stay Safe and keep your thoughts positive in 2021!

Living life is a constant work in progress for each person, but that doesn’t mean that you should get so caught up that you neglect showing yourself love. Break down the walls preventing you from self-love, and enrich your life. Here are 6 ways I have learnt to show myself love, you should try it too.
1. Tell Yourself What You Love About Yourself
Many times, we get caught up in everything around us that we forget to remind ourselves just how awesome we are. Our own disappointment, acceptance, patience, and love that we have for ourselves will always reflect what we show others.
2. Accept Imperfection
One of the most worthwhile things that we can do for ourselves is to give up on being perfect, and start the journey to become our true selves. The best part of that journey is to return to feeling peace within ourselves. This peace comes from training your mind to process life as it actually is, rather than what you think it should be.
3. Know That the Approval of Others Doesn’t Matter
Oftentimes people greatly value having the approval of others, even when it isn’t clear exactly what would gain their approval.You should instead focus on doing what is right for your own self, disregarding what others will think. You do not need anyone’s permission to be happy.
4. Bring Distance Between Yourself and Those Who Bring You Down
Worry less about the people in your life that are not worrying about you. You should surround yourself with those who inspire you, respect you, love you, and support you.
5. Make the Changes You Know Are Necessary
When you know that you want to see changes in your life, you will need to do things that you’ve never done before. Aim to stay away from the things that tear you down, and gravitate toward the things, activities and thoughts that fulfill you in the way that you want.
6. Let Go of Your Past Self
A part of life is that good people like you will sometimes make bad choices. Sure, past mistakes make up who you are today, but they do not define you. It is never too late to move on from them – dwelling will only lead to hurt.

“Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children. 

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Twitter & IG : @Estherijewere

LinkedIn: Esther Ijewere

Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

Staying happy they say ensures good health. But, is it that easy to stay happy today in the world of stress, anxiety and depression? Well, they are a part of everyday life and it is normal for each of us to have a bad day some times. So, do not just let your spirits down with such days, and focus more on staying happy. Here are few quick tips that will help you relieve all your everyday stress

1. Do what you like to do – Keeping in view the busy schedules, it is quite natural, that most of us tend to get lazy by the end of the day. So, the best way to be happy is to do what you like, for instance you could hit the gym, or could join a dance class.

2. Head out, meet people– Do not just while away your weekends. Plan out short trips, or throw a party at home. Meeting new people, will relieve your tensions and anxiety, keeping your mind at peace.

3. Talk to your loved ones- It is important to let out your problems in order to get a solution to it. Have nobody who will listen to you? Talk to God, he listens.

4. Ensure proper sleep cycles – I am bad at this myself, but it is very important to keep your mind balanced, in turn playing a big role in helping you to be happy. Sleeping properly will get you happy morning, and a good start of the day, is always a good sign.