Women of Rubies
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THOUSANDS MARCH ACROSS SPAIN TO PROTEST VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

Protesters took to the streets in Madrid, Barcelona, Sevilla, Valencia, and Bilbao, reflecting how the fight to stop violence against woman has become a national cause in Spain.

“We are here for all those women who have been murdered, in Madrid and in Spain. We are taking it very personally,” said Rosa Orea at the Madrid rally.

Since 2003, 972 women have been killed by their partners or ex-partners in Spain, 44 of those so far in 2018, according to government figures.

“The situation has changed for our generation, but we have to keep fighting, because this (violence) happens more than it seems,” said Sofia Serrano a Madrid student.

Violence against women has been a key political cause in Spain since 2004 when new laws were introduced against the crime.

Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez on Sunday reinterated his government’s “commitment” to eradicate violence against women and “culture” of sexism.

Credit: Pulse News

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LAGOS RECORDS 667 DOMESTIC AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE CASES IN 3 MONTHS

Of the number, Alimosho Local Government Area has the highest number which was not diclosed.

Mrs Titilola Vivour-Adeniyi, the Coordinator of the DSVRT, disclosed this on Thursday, October 18, 2018, at Roundtable with NGOs organised by the
European Union-sponsored Rule of Law and Anti-Corruption (RoLAC) Programme.

She said:

“The number of reports from the *6820# platform from July to September were 667.

“There were 179 domestic violence reports, 201 sexual abuse reports, 143 reports on child abuse and 144 actual cases.

“The local government area with the highest reports is Alimosho followed by Kosofe, Ikorodu and Ikeja.

“From July to September, the DSVRT attended to 442 clients, 41 of whom were male and 401 female.

“The statistics of the ages of the clients from zero to 17 years was 27; clients of ages 18 to 45 years were 378 and ages 46 years and
above were 37.”

Vivour-Adeniyi noted that the purpose of the roundtable with the NGOs was to create a synergy between the organisations and the
DSVRT in fighting gender-based violence.

“We need a forum to share our successes and challenges as well create a centralised database of NGOs,” she said.

Also speaking, Mrs Jibola Ijimakin, the Coordinator of ROLAC, highlighted the purpose of the organisation which is to implement
the work of the justice sector in Nigeria.

“This is to be done in collaboration with key Nigerian institutions and partners. The purpose of ROLAC is to enhance good governance in Nigeria.

“This is to be done by contributing to the strengthening of the rule of law and curbing corruption, reducing impunity and improving
access to justice for women, children and persons with disabilities,” she said.

Ijimakin noted that ROLAC conducted an assessment of the implementation of the Domestic Law in Lagos in June and realised it had
low level of partnerships with NGOs.

She added that the meeting was to bridge the gap between ROLAC and the NGOs.

“The assessment was to note the priority areas the ROLAC should support.

“One of the key findings was that we needed to have more collaboration with NGOs beyond the DSVRT to share information with
NGOs about what we are doing,” she said.

In her address of welcome, Mrs Biola Oseni, the Director of the Directorate of Citizens’ Rights, said the roundtable  was to highlight the importance of NGOs in tackling the scourge of domestic violence in Lagos State.

“In its response to Sexual and Gender Based Violence, DSVRT has taken cognisance of the fact that the NGOs are the first port of call
for most survivors due to its mien.

“We are therefore not oblivious of the roles NGOs and Civil Society Organisations play in addressing issues of domestic violence
in Lagos State and indeed Nigeria.”

Oseni said the Lagos State Government intended to create a directory of NGOs that respond to Gender-Based Violence.

“It is our earnest desire that after this roundtable there would be an improvement in synergy between NGOs and DSVRT.

“We hope to also create a directory of NGOs that provides Gender-Based Violence Responses in the state,” she said.

Credit: pulse.ng

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“I LET ONE HUMAN BEING MAKE ME SO LOW THAT I DIDN’T EVEN REMEMBER WHO I WAS. I WAS SCARED TO GET IN THE STUDIO” -NICKI MINAJ

The fear of getting into a studio was one of the troubles Nicki Minaj had to deal with in an abusive relationship which caused her to lose confidence in herself.

This is captured in her “Queen”documentary which is yet to have a date of release.The rapper dropped two teasers on her IG on Tuesday, both talking about her experiences as a little girl who was exposed to domestic violence and a bad relationship.

In one of the clips, she recalls rushing in to protect her mum from a father who is reportedly abusive.

“I let one human being make me so low that I didn’t even remember who I was. I was scared to get in the studio. I didn’t believe in myself,” 35-year-old Minaj mentions while talking about an abusive relationship

Spending time away from New York helped her handle this challenge. In Miami she recorded ‘Coco Chanel’ and ‘Good Form’ both captured in her August album “Queen”.

Credit: Pulse

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE : LIKE NATURE’S GENTLE TOUCH, IT’S TIME TO SPEAK UP 

I got an invitation to a walk against  domestic violence recently. Being that I have always stood against this vice, I was very happy to find out that others were as irritated as myself by the evil of domestic violence. What pleased me most was that this particular walk was backed by Natures Gentle Touch, Nigeria’s leading haircare brand. 

It turned out a very worthwhile experience. It was not the first time I would be walking against the social vice, neither would it be the last. What made this experience special and left fond memories with me and I guess most of the participants is that it was championed by a business, not just a corporate body but a Nigerian business.

This is very striking because in this part of the world, it is a known fact that the subject of domestic violence is one that the vast majority are pretty uncomfortable to discuss, no, not openly. Family and friends offer support and tend to encourage victims to endure, while suffering in silence. This is why it is rare to find a company willingly staking its head to freely talk against it. Why this is so, remains unclear. But the decision by Natures Gentle Touch to initiate discuss on the ills of domestic violence has indeed given a new twist to the issue, lending it a corporate backing  Aside leading in the walk against the social vice, the company I learnt also partnered on a film project titled “Omoye”, a movie on domestic violence which has generated lots of buzz in the public. This is highly commendable and something every other business should consider. The corporate world needs to get involved in the fight against this aberration. Like Natures Gentle Touch, we all need to speak up to defeat it!

While domestic violence is the violation of fundamental human rights, the prevalence of this social aberration is alarming and frightening as well. Available statistics on domestic violence in Nigeria shows there is no signs of it lessening. Infact it is believed that as many as two thirds of Nigerian women experience physical, sexual and psychological abuse at the hands of their husbands or partners. Shockingly, a huge number of pregnant women are reported to go through this horrible experience.

Though the issue of domestic violence isn’t only restricted to women, (there is a growing number of cases of violence against men), they are the most affected given our dysfunctional cultural system that places the man above the woman. Violence against a wife is seen as a tool that a husband uses to chastise his wife and to correct her. To make matters worse, even some of the victims, don’t see anything wrong with it.

I recall sometimes ago while I was a Corper. I had a roommate who shared her horrible experiences with her then boyfriend. According to her, this guy for simple reasons as her not picking his calls, would verbally abuse her and even beat her.  Infact forceful sex became his way of making up with her, and surprisingly, this girl saw all of this as a sign of love.

Another story plays out in a church. A pastor had called on the men who beat their wife to come out for deliverance and here you had this man who decided to come forward and be delivered from what he believed to be an abnormality. He was quickly stopped by the wife, who felt ashamed and inadequate.

Domestic violence takes many forms including physical, sexual emotional and mental. The commonest forms being rape, acid attacks, molestation, battery and corporal punishment. Unfortunately these cases are under reported because of the unwillingness on the part of victims to talk about their experience, largely due to shame or fear.

And this is where the big challenge lies; the need to encourage victims to speak up and get help. As with all evil, it is important we continue to create awareness about the menace of domestic violence, possibly shout it on the roof top, because truth be told, domestic violence affects not just the victim but everyone collectively and most importantly children who watch the acts being committed. It predisposes them to trauma and other psychological problems throughout their lives and eventually they also most of the times become abusers as well, hence the cycle continues.

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“REAL MEN DON’T BEAT WOMEN” – PETER OKOYE OF PSQUARE TAKES A STAND AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Singer, Peter Okoye has taken a public stand against domestic violence amidst the heartbreaking stories that have been emerging of women suffering abuse from their supposed loved ones.

“But seriously some men can fall hand. Next time if you want to beat or hit a woman, please try beating me Peter Okoye, Anthony Joshua or Floyd Mayweather, then you will be called a reeeeeeeeaal Man. Baboons! #StopDomesticViolence #RealMenDontBeatWomen #WomenAreNotPunchingBags #whereIsThelove,” he wrote on Instagram. Preach, Peter!

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“THE VEIL HAS FALLEN OFF” – OLORI WURAOLA OGUNWUSI TAKES A STAND AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Olori Wuraola Ogunwusi, wife of the Ooni of Ife, has taken a public stand against domestic violence. According to her;

“Domestic abuse/emotional abuse are fast becoming a norm in our society. Decades ago it was okay for women to bear the burden and remain mute about the pains and effects of being victims. Not today.
The veil has fallen off and the shame of what the world will think has been replaced with solidarity, empathy, and unity. Together we can all lend a helping hand and support our sisters, mothers, aunts, friends in saying No to domestic violence and abuse. By remaining silent, we are doing a great disservice to victims and their families. #Saynotodomesticviolence #NoMore #SilenceisDeadly”

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“BE A PROUD WOMAN AND DON’T ALLOW THESE STUPID MEN TO USE YOU” – JOHN NJAMAH SAYS TO WOMEN FACING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

In the wake of another Nollywood actress’ marriage breaking on the grounds of domestic violence, actor/filmmaker John Njamah advices ladies to wake up. According to him;

“Women!.. why can’t our women learn!?.. it seems the more you advise them the more difficult it becomes for them to comprehend.. Gosh!!.. we need to introduce social media classes so that these women nd the younger women to come will understand how not to throw their entire lives out there… now all they want to do is SLAY and splash photos on insta when the home front is not so rossy… and when the STUPID women beater do their thing, you come crying to us.. THE HAND WRITING HAS BEEN ON THE WALL FOR YOU TO SEE GIRL… but no!! U must marry that man that has plenty money, or that footballer that can splash u with ur greedy needs.. or that politician that takes u on trips around the world.. and Batters you in the process. But you will rather stay in the marriage becos of the shame it mite bring you when the rest of the world knows how it is for you , with all the lies you hav told in the past. Honesty!!.. this false life is getting too much on our women..( especially my sisters in the entertainment industry)..live you life!.. work hard!!. Be a proud woman and don’t allow these stupid men to use you!.
NOW YOU WANT US TO PITY YOU!.. YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON URSELF GIRL!.. there is a strong need for us to talk to our women.. over the past 2 years, domestic violence cases has risen to 65%. YOU ALL NED TO BE CAREFUL.. and to those IDIOTS!.. those women beaters that call themselves men, those MEN that don’t have shame, those “men” that are heartless enuff to raise their hands and beat a woman to pulp remember that you hav daughters, sisters and mothers too.. its a vicious cycle nd it will come back to you.. WAKE UP GIRLS!!… WAKE UP!! #domesticViolence”
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YEMISI WADA : IT IS TIME TO REMOVE THE CLOAK OF SHAME!

When the slap landed on her face, even before Abiola could process the pain or feel that her jaw was shaking, the first thing she did as usual was to look around, to see who saw what happened.

The only person she saw was Tosin – their daughter.

Oh, she thought, that’s okay. It’s only our daughter.

Little did she know that years and years after she had died, that was the same thought floating through Tosin’s mind as she was being slapped and pushed out of a moving car by the man she let beat her too. This was before she hit her head on the curb, died.

Chidinna looked at his father with disgust, as he introduced him to yet another business partner. His father, meanwhile, looked at him with pride. His son, the one who has just graduated cum laud from Harvard University. He had ensured that his sons did not go to school in Nigeria. He did this to separate them from their mother’s influence. He did not like the way they, especially Chidinna, went to her defense any time he disciplined her with a few slaps.

He needed them to be men and to see that women need to be disciplined and set right like children.

Chidi glared at this brute of a man, wishing he could strangle him. Just the night before, he had heard his mother scream and the sounds of breaking glass in their bedroom. It took his two brothers and the maid to stop him from going there.

That morning she came out, checking to see who heard, who knew she was being beaten up. What a brute of a man.

Tonight Chidinna cannot understand what’s happened. He’s weeping because Ada his wife is curled into a ball after receiving the beating of a lifetime from him. All because she disgraced him at dinner. She didn’t know the right meals to prepare for his Harvard friends. She was not enlightened like him. She was just very drop deadly beautiful.

He also did not like the way she tantalized the men at the dinner like a common whore. They tore off her clothes and stripped her naked with their eyes he could see. She was taunting them, he could see. Why? Why would she do that? To him, why?

Little did they know then, that beating had ruptured her womb and she would never be able to bear a child.

Little did Ada know that despite several apologies and gifts and beatings later, she would be thrown out as barren and Chidinna would father 4 children from 2 more unfortunate women who see the outside product only, the fine, rich Harvard graduate – not the damaged, dangerous creature he really is.

Sir Shina Peters is on the stage; he’s showering praises on Agbesegbe, the Cocoa magnate who’s showering him with Naira. The money is flowing. The big boys are gathering, the big girls are throwing down. The spoilt under-achieving newly married son of renowned Lawyer and politician is in the crowd.

Due to his drug habit he does not have 2 bundles of Naira to rub together, but he too wants to be noticed. He wants to belong. He looks on to the sweet innocent who is dying to go home to nurse their newborn baby. ‘Do you have any cash he asks?’ ‘For Shina? Hell no. All I have is what I got from my mum this afternoon and it’s for the baby’s pampers and SMA’.

She looks to see, even before the pain sinks into her brain. Who is looking? As he twists her ankle, to wrench her wallet from her. Oyinade cannot help it, tears pour out of her eyes as the pain sinks in. She still checks at whose looking.

As she does, she sees Adewunmi has left the party after his spraying spree- leaving her behind. How does she leave this party and get back to their house?

She sees the catering van packing up. She recognizes their logo, they are based on the Island. She can trust these ones who don’t know her and Adewunmi. She begs for a lift.

When news surfaced the next day, a trailer had flattened a van belonging to a catering outfit killing all on board. Oyinade’s parents do not even give the news a glance. How were they to know their treasure, whom they had trusted into the hands of the renowned lawyer was amongst those flattened in the disaster?

Later on when all checks are done, the renowned lawyer and his wife sort their son out. Oyinade’s parents cannot even get access to their grandchild. Oyinade was their only child.

Whilst you still have life, whilst you are still whole, before you look at who is watching or who knows, LEAVE. It is more honourable to leave than to stay.

You are more valuable to your children both male and female if you leave than to stay. On this 21st day of January as we walk with women for their rights, say NO MORE! Enough is Enough. No more concealers, No more excuses, No more shades #nomoreshades

 

About Yemisi Wada

Yemisi Wada is a Lawyer and a Business woman. She has decided she has reached a stage in life where she likes to do what gives her Joy. She has just produced the Crime Series ‘Lasgidi Cops Serious Crimes Unit’ and last year when she turned 50 decided to start up a Blog where she can mentor younger ones on the realities of relationships and life.
She also loves giving back and has a Foundation for Street Children called the Haven for the Nigerian Child Foundation.
She is married and has 5 children. She blogs at www.namsblog.com.ng

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