Depression - Women of Rubies

In Interviews&profile April 1, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

CHUKWUNETA OBY: VICTIMS OF OUR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE…

Sometimes, all a lady seems to just want is a husband material, the type of man that comes with the right values, etc.

Then, when such a man seems to come her way, she realizes that he is a husband material quite alright, just that he lacks that “swag”, that sexiness, that “fine boy” edge…that excites. And he ends up being roundly abused!

Therefore, a man who has only treated a woman well ends up being paid back with ingratitude. All these and more have simply taught me that some of us are simply victims of our emotional damage. When a man is not mean to them and has not treated them badly… they don’t feel complete. Playboys seem to hold a permanent magnet of sorts on them. A decent guy is not easily appreciated by them.

Even after going through a harrowing experience in the hands of a man that has been mean to her, as soon as she catches her breath…she finds her way back to him-for more experiences.

The proclivity towards bad boys has a strong hold on most women. Yet we all know that it takes stability of (attitude) for a relationship to succeed…anything contrary leaves a trail of heartbreak and tears behind.

There are men that deafen one’s hearing with “wife material requests” but the moment a decent lady comes their way-they get bored faster than fast and begin to yearn for the wild ones. People, to whom “goodness” is lost on, get their kicks from being saddled with unpleasant characters.

One of my friends had been on my neck to help find him a wife.

When it seemed to me he was serious enough, I decided to show him some pictures of a few friends that are still in the singles market.

I didn’t bother asking him too many questions about the qualities he wants in a lady because experience has taught me that some of them can tell you all you want to hear-just to impress and make you conclude they’ve got their heads properly screwed on their shoulders-even when their body language is pointing to the things (freaky in nature) that are left unsaid.

So, I decided to come to my own conclusion by watching him. I observed that CHARACTER was not in the picture (yet) for him and he bluntly confirmed my worst fears by telling me that once he is OKAY with a lady’s looks-he can easily tolerate her character…

Interestingly, his past failed relationships have a similar trend (IN YOUR FACE looks –amongst the ladies), judging from the pictures of his EX (es) that he showed me. My only worry is that he continued to let LOOKS be the sole determinant of his choice of a marriage partner.

I expected him to veer from this norm for once and see if he can get a different outcome. That is my opinion, though!

He has made his choice and I have never stopped praying for the success of that “setting” because my humble neck is seriously at stake here-should anything go awry. I am the one that’s going to receive “you are siding with him/her’’ bullets from both sides, when things get out of hand and one has to intervene.

However, if you find yourself frustrated that all your niceness has not yielded results in your love life, please don’t fall prey to the mentality that you have to give up “being good” to attract someone.

Being less than yourself won’t fulfill you. Also, perish the thought that whom you love should love you back. Actually, no one owes you their affections because you feel you are good. Everyone’s heart is theirs to give at their own discretion and it cannot be demanded.

A friend once said: “Most Nigerian ladies don’t appreciate a good or gentle man because most times 99 per cent of men and women carry the baggage of the last bad relationships to the new one. They already expect the worse even before it happens. Yes, experience is a good teacher, but we stick more to the past and destroy the present and future in our relationships. Another thing is the attitude of “I will get and take what I can immediately first and forget about tomorrow’’. A wise man once told me and I quote “life and happiness is a journey and not a destination.”

But, this concludes it for me: ‘’Nigerians take everything as a destination, our life, our job, our family and love life, all as a destination. The situation in Nigeria has also changed the dynamics of relationships, most guys see women as commodities and women see men as opportunity to get and better their lot. We should look at relationships as a selfless venture for the one we love.’’

In self development January 26, 2019 By Editor

“I’VE BEEN RAPED TWICE AND BATTLED DEPRESSION ALMOST HALF OF MY LIFE” – TOPE DELANO

32-year old Nigerian journalist, Tope Delano has just shared a very touching story of how she’s been raped twice, survived post partum depression and how she’s lost almost everyone she loves.

According to her, ‘I was molested between ages of 7 and 11, raped twice, battled depression almost half her life, dealt with post-partum depression, lost 4 persons in a space of 1yr 5 month’.

Follow her story below…

Credit: LIB

In Interviews&profile January 25, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

ENTREPRENEUR CREATES DOLL COLLECTION TO HELP BLACK GIRLS OVERCOME DEPRESSION

TiffanyJ, an artist and entrepreneur, suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts when she was young. So, in hopes of helping young Black girls that are battling depression, she has created an avenue to boost their confidence and self-esteem through a new superhero doll called “Super Beauty”.

At 12-years old, TiffanyJ started to experience depression that is considered common to young Black girls. At 14-years old, she realized that she can share her feelings through songwriting. But by the age of 24, she became self-employed and became the author of her first published book titled It All Starts With Me: An Interactive Guide To Discovering Self and Loving.

Through her book, she shared her own experiences and gave some advice to those who have been battling depression like how she used to be. She also held an annual Beauty, You Are Boot Camp. It was such a great advocacy and she saw that she can do more to reach more.

“For a while, I had been on a mission with self-esteem advocacy, but that book did not reach the audience and mentees I had that were young girls,” she told Black Enterprise.

Now, she has created Super Beauty Pep Talker, a speaking doll that says positive and inspiring messages such as “Nobody Do Me Better Than Me.” She hopes to let young Black girls know that they are unique and beautiful.

TiffanyJ hopes to sell the Super Beauty Pep Talker in Wal-Mart and other retail store chains.

In self development January 24, 2019 By Editor

PRINCESS SHYNGLE NARRATES HOW TOYIN ABRAHAM STOOD BY HER DURING HOSPITAL RELAPSE

Princess Shyngle has taken to Instagram page to shower praise on Nollywood actress, Toyin Abraham for standing by her side when she had a relapse.

The news of her alleged suicide attempt and hospital relapse broke the internet in November 2018.

In her IG post, she narrated how Toyin left her movie set in Ibadan to visit her in Lagos when the news broke that she was in the hospital.

“I had a relapse and got admitted last month in Lagos, this angel @toyin_abraham saw the news online left location and drove all the way from Ibadan to lekki immediately, rushed to the hospital just to see me and to make sure I was okay ❤️ toyin was literally in tears and was praying for me ❤️ @toyin_abraham I just want to say Thank you for being a big sis to me, thank you for always being there for me, thank you for guiding me, thank you for encouraging me and always putting a smile on my face ❤️❤️ I love you so much and I promise to never let you down @toyin_abraham ❤️ you’re definitely an angel sent from above to watch over me and protect me ❤️❤️ God bless you my gorgeous big sis ❤️❤️❤️ @toyin_abraham please help me thank this gorgeous angel for me Y’all ❤️❤️” she wrote.

It

In self development January 21, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

NEW RESEARCH SAYS SEMEN MAY ACTUALLY TREAT DEPRESSION IN WOMEN

In a recent study conducted at the University of Albany, a psychology professor and his team found that the absorption of semen by the female body correlates with fewer symptoms of depression.

The team conducted anonymous surveys of 300 female students.

Each participant completed a survey about her intimate activities including frequency of intercourse, last intercourse, and how regularly the participant uses condoms. Participants also completed the Beck Depression Inventory.

The Beck Depression Inventory, or BDI, presents a person with 21 questions that gauge their level of depressive symptoms including:

mood

negative outlook

feelings of guilt

self-dislike

social withdrawal

difficulty functioning

Responders rate each question as it applies to them. The rating scale per question ranges from zero to three, three being the most intense experience of the symptom.

The total score can be as high as 63, higher scores again correlating to more severe depression. When the team compared participants’ BDI scores to their intimacy habits, answers about condom use stood out.

According to lead author Gordon Gallup, women who never used condoms in penetration scenarios showed significantly lower scores on the Beck Depression Inventory (BDI) than their peers who always or usually had their partners wear protection.

In developing this conclusion, the team made a point of adjusting for potentially relevant variables such as: relationship status use of other contraceptive strategies frequency of partner intimacy.

Among all variables, condom use correlated with the most clinically significant difference in participants’ BDI scores.

ALSO READ: Why Nigerians are the most depressed in Africa

The research team believes that the correlation between condom use and depressive symptoms may result from the interaction of biological material.

Gallup theorizes that upon penetration, the female partner’s internal tissues absorb some of the fluids that the male partner produces.

It is possible, the team suggests, that a woman’s mood and feeling state may change in response to this absorption.

The study’s sample size is relatively small and there are a number of unanswered questions surrounding the results.

Still, Gallup and his colleagues believe that the connection between improved mood non-use of condoms warrants further investigation.

The team cautions women and their partners not to take these findings as a motivation or an excuse not to use condoms.

Gallup has issued a statement to remind the public that protection from infectious diseases and the prevention of pregnancy should take precedence over an attempt to make use of these findings.

If you found this article interesting or surprising, please remember to SHARE it with your family and friends on Facebook!

Source: Higher Perspective

In self development January 15, 2019 By Editor

NIGERIANS ARE THE MOST DEPRESSED IN AFRICA – WHO

Condition contributes to 800,000 suicide deaths yearly

From being some of the happiest people on earth, Nigerians have slumped to the rank of the most depressed in Africa. This was the conclusion contained in the latest figures released by the World Health Organisation (WHO), which show that Nigeria has 7,079,815 sufferers of depression, that is 3.9 per cent of the population.Also, 4,894,557 Nigerians, that is 2.7 per cent of the population, suffer anxiety disorders. The country is closely followed by Ethiopia with 4,480,113 sufferers, that is 4.7 per cent of her population; Democratic Republic of Congo with 2,871,309 sufferers (3.8 per cent); South Africa with 2,402,230 sufferers (4.6 per cent); and Tanzania with 2,138,939 sufferers, that is 4.1 per cent. Seychelles has the lowest number of depressed persons with just 3,722 that is 4.0 per cent.

Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide, and a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease, according to WHO. Depression can lead to suicide, which is the second leading cause of death in 15 – 29-year- olds globally. Consequently, the condition can lead to more suicide cases in the country.

In the African region, close to 30 million people suffer from depression.

The global body gave the figures in a report released ahead of the World Health Day (WHD) today titled “Depression and Other Common Mental Disorders: Global Health Estimates.”

WHD, celebrated on April 7 every year to mark the anniversary of the founding of WHO, provides a unique opportunity to mobilise action around a specific health topic of concern to people all over the world. The theme of 2017 World Health Day campaign is depression.

According to the WHO report, depressive disorders and anxiety disorders are two main diagnostic categories of common mental disorders that are highly prevalent in the population.

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems.

The WHO noted that at a global level, over 300 million people are estimated to suffer from depression, equivalent to 4.4 per cent of the world’s population and nearly that number again suffers from a range of anxiety disorders. It, however, noted that since many people experience both conditions simultaneously (comorbidity), it is inappropriate to simply add these two figures together to arrive at a total for common mental disorders.

The WHO noted that the consequences of these disorders in terms of lost health are huge.

Depression is ranked by WHO as the single largest contributor to global disability (7.5 per cent of all years lived with disability in 2015); anxiety disorders are ranked 6th (3.4 per cent).

According to the global health agency, depression is also the major contributor to suicide deaths (about 800 000 per year).

Why are Nigerians most depressed in Africa? “The number of persons with common mental disorders globally is going up, particularly in lower-income countries, because the population is growing and more people are living to the age when depression and anxiety most commonly occurs,” the WHO explained.

Who is most likely to get depressed? “Although depression can and does affect people of all ages, from all walks of life, the risk of becoming depressed is increased by poverty, unemployment, life events such as the death of a loved one or a relationship break-up, physical illness and problems caused by alcohol and drug use,” the WHO noted.

To address the issues of depression and anxiety disorders, the Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH) has introduced LUTH-Suicide Research and Prevention Initiative (SURPIN) and its “ONE 1 MORE DAY” campaign aimed at reducing suicide deaths.

Consultant Psychiatrist and LUTH-SURPIN Coordinator, Dr. Raphael E. Ogbolu, told The Guardian yesterday: “SURPIN has hotlines (09080217555, 09034400009, 08111909909, 07013811143) through which members of the public seeking help can reach us. The main target groups are those at risk of suicide and are contemplating an attempt, those who have survived an attempted suicide and therefore may be in critical physical condition, and those who are bereaved by the suicide of a family member, because they themselves also then become at risk.”

According to the WHO, the health condition affects people of all ages, from all walks of life, in all countries. It causes mental anguish and impacts on people’s ability to carry out even the simplest everyday tasks, with sometimes devastating consequences for relationships with family and friends and the ability to earn a living. At worst, depression can lead to suicide, now the second leading cause of death among 15-29-year-olds.

Yet, the condition can be prevented and treated. A better understanding of what depression is, and how it can be prevented and treated, will help reduce the stigma and lead to more people seeking help.

Credit: Guardian

In self development January 4, 2019 By Editor

“I FACED DEPRESSION, I BATTLED IT AND I WON. YOU CAN WIN TOO” -KAFFY

Dancer Kaffy has taken to her Instagram page to encourage everyone and anyone battling depression.

She revealed that she has battled depression and she won.

She wrote:

Please DO NOT BE PRESSURED . A lot is a lie . A lot is a manifestation of what they want to be . A lot is from insecurities.A lot is from depression not all smiley faces are happy faces.
Depression is real too many lives lost .
I faced depression I battled it and I won . You can win . First thing to do is not to let people define your happiness. We all have our races ,our paths are different ,first to do no mean last man standing o. If anyone run past u ,do better than you or have anything u want and don’t have , just wave and say “I will catch up” see ya later”. Your process is important don’t be in a hurry if u do you would lose the ammunition, the instruments u need to sustain the greatness and happiness you pursue.
#kaffynodeylookyatime#kaffygoneedyadime

View this post on Instagram

Please DO NOT BE PRESSURED . A lot is a lie . A lot is a manifestation of what they want to be . A lot is from insecurities.A lot is from depression not all smiley faces are happy faces. Depression is real too many lives lost . I faced depression I battled it and I won . You can win . First thing to do is not to let people define your happiness. We all have our races ,our paths are different ,first to do no mean last man standing o. If anyone run past u ,do better than you or have anything u want and don’t have , just wave and say “I will catch up” see ya later”. Your process is important don’t be in a hurry if u do you would lose the ammunition, the instruments u need to sustain the greatness and happiness you pursue. #kaffynodeylookyatime #kaffygoneedyadime

A post shared by Kafayat Shafau-Ameh (@kaffydance) on Jan 3, 2019 at 12:45am PST

In self development November 28, 2018 By Editor

“THE INDUSTRY WAS HOSTILE.. I THOUGHT OF DROWNING MYSELF IN THE 3RD MAINLAND BRIDGE” – MO’CHEDDAH

The talented rapper/singer and fashion designer soon exited the scene at a point when she was seen as the next big thing.

In a recent edition of the Dang Monologue, Mo’Cheddah opens up on her career, her battles and how she wanted to take her life at some point.

”I have been active in the music industry since I was 12,” she said, ”When I say actively, I mean going to the studio…I always knew what I wanted to do… Music was my life, it was what I wanted to do and It was easy for my parents to support me.

The day I recorded ‘Won Beri’, my life changed in an instant. I was 16 and the lady that was supposed to record the song didn’t show up, so they asked me to come record this thing pending the time she shows up, so I entered the booth and sang but nobody thought it sounded that good, until Sauce Kid [now Sinzu] came and asked, who sang this hook.

I didn’t need to be in the video, but Clarence Peters was like, the whole of Nigeria has been asking who is she and that changed my career.

She speaks on the part of the industry she wasn’t prepared for

”I was brought up to be very honest, to be very proud of my emotions, brought up to make my own decisions… I was coming from a naive, God-fearing family and I went into the world of adults and I was thrown into a jungle and people didn’t care if I was 16, they attacked me.

The industry was hostile… I would be performing and they would turn off my microphone because the A-list artist doesn’t like me. I didn’t get it, i didn’t know there was hate… I never knew hate…

There was one day I looked at my Mum and told her ”You taught me everything about love but you did not teach me to hate.” I don’t know why she did not, but the truth is there is hate in the world, so I went into the industry thinking everybody loved everybody. I didn’t understand that hate.

The day I won the Channel O award, that was around when Twitter came out and people I knew started dragging me online. People started asking why I won the award, people starting questioning me and carrying stories around me.

How do I meet a legend and I kneel down to say hi to her and she is like ”Get off me”, a woman I have looked up to for years, the industry was hostile.”

What broke me?

”What broke me was that when I left my label… people chose to pick sides and obviously it wasn’t mine.

I will never forget I was in my bedroom and I broke down. It was a week of shows and I was at home for that day, the next day I was to go to Ghana and I got a BBM that you had to come to the studio right now.

I just wanted to lay down, I was to go to Ghana the next day to record and perform, I just wanted to lay down… and it all dawned on me at that moment that I wasn’t living and even if I got to that place I was going, I will be so sad and miserable.

I was crying and I told my then boyfriend, [my husband now] and I told him I didn’t want to do this anymore.

There was a big family meeting and I told my Mum to get me a lawyer… so I have known these men since I was like three, I have known them, they were amazing to me and they came for me because of money, at that time I was 21 and I was fighting a legal battle with people I called my brothers.

That was when I knew the world was really messed up, that was when I knew I was on my own. I was poor, I won’t say I was depressed because I was famous and poor because my parents didn’t teach me to value money. I will be on a bus and someone will look at me like Mo Cheddah, why are you on a bus?

On depression and contemplating suicide

”I felt as I had failed, especially because I had thought that business will pick up. They had so much hate for me, they started bad-mouthing me to people to companies, to producers, so I was kind of blacklisted, so you know all that time people were saying, where is Mo’Cheddah, nobody wanted to work with me because they hated me and they wanted to do everything in their power to ruin me and I felt God forsook me, sadness consumed me.

I googled ”there is this darkness inside me” and I saw a lot of people had it, they were talking about depression.

The only reason I did not kill myself, first I didn’t know how I will kill myself. I thought about it so many times… I thought of drowning myself in the 3rd Mainland bridge, at times I wanted it to be quick, so I will be praying that God should just kill me.

All I had to do was understand that as long as I was at peace with this person, every other thing will be OK. I live to be happy.” she concluded.

See the concluding part here:

Credit: pulse.ng, Dang Monologue

In Career Gems November 26, 2018 By Editor

24-YEAR-OLD BUSISIWE WHO WAS RAPED FROM AGE 10 BY HER COUSIN OPENS UP ABOUT HER STRUGGLE WITH DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE ATTEMPTS

A 24-year-old South African woman, Busisiwe Mhlongo has been battling depression and PSTD as a result of repeated sexual abuse by her uncle’s son.

Taking to Facebook on November 22, Busisiwe, opened up for the first time and narrated how her uncle’s son had raped her vaginally and anally from age 10, when she was in grade 4 to grade 6. She didn’t tell anyone because the young man threatened to kill her with Ratex (rat poison)

Photos: South African woman who was raped from age 10 by her uncle

Ever since the incident, Busisiwe had been struggling mentally and emotionally and tried to take her own life several times. Read her story as she shared on Facebook below.

Some of my family members will be shocked but hey I am tired of keeping this secret because it is making me to be sick but here it goes My Name is Busisiwe Mhlongo and I am 24 years old… born in 1994/09/18 ♥?… in 2004 I was staying at my Uncles house in Harding,KZN..his First born son (we call him Sphamo) who was 17/18 years at that time would call me to his room and rape me (I was 10 years old).. this started when I doing grade 4 until I was doing grade 6, around June because that’s when I had my periods for the first time but he did Rape me Vaginally and anally. he did a lot of things that I wouldn’t like to re-iterate here.. I stayed with someone who sexually abused me and I didn’t tell anyone because he said he was going to kill me with Ratex. I kept that secret until this year cause I was struggling mentally and emotionally, Back in February I attempted to commit suicide, overdosed pills-in April I overdosed pills again- In June I starved myself hoping to die- in August I overdosed pills again- in September I attempted to jump out my Res but the security saw me and I couldn’t cause he said Jump I will catch you- in October I started cutting myself from my hand to my elbow and if I feel like the razor isn’t sharp enough I would get another one- I did it until it was beyond my control and I was admitted and of course Psychiatry Ward was my ward,stayed there for weeks and was diagnosed with depression and PSTD….Generally if you know me- I am a Happy person and I love everything about everyone, to be diagnosed with depression was heavy for me and the medication is just too much. My mom and my other family members are aware of this now that have done drastic things. I have never got a call from my cousin say he is sorry. What he did to me was damaging physically, emotionally and sexually. He robbed me my childhood and virginity, I will never be able to know what it’s like to be a child because of the things he did to me, he used a baby oil so that his penis would go in, he would put baby inside me so I can be “wet for him”. He did it for 3 years and he was never satisfied. I have been struggling to even wake up in the morning and eat, let alone to trust a man, I am struggling to believe that I will be fine because depression is not a fly by night thing I am living with depression and PSTD…………. I have lost everything you can think of and if I win this battle – it’s game over for my cousin! I am coming for everything and I know this wil be a lot of drama but I am not going to protect a rapist…

Credit: LIB

In self development November 21, 2018 By Editor

OYINKANSOLA ALABI: DEPRESSION, ITS SYMPTOMS, AND CURE

During a Q&A interactive session

with Women Of Rubies, Emotions Doctor, Oyinkansola Alabi, shed more light into depression, its symptoms, and cure.

She said:

*Depression feeds on rumination and a pre-occupation with self. It can also progress from a state of cluelessness, hopelessness, depression, suicidal thoughts and then suicide.

*Social media has amplified insecurity and esteem issues. However, social media is a double edged sword. You decide its cause and effects. It can either empower or disempower you based on your
relationship with it.

*Anger isn’t equal to depression. You can control anger by deploying a tool called the PAUSE THERAPY. Always pause before you speak, while you speak, and after speaking to be sure you just made sense. Practice this pause therapy for at least six seconds daily.

*Quite a number of depressed souls are aware. However, you can slide
into depression without knowing. You can become unhappy, discont,
clueless, or hopeless.

*Stay away from disempowering thoughts. The truth is, we are all
STORYTELLERS and our life responds or reacts in the direction of our
stories, internal communication, internal representations and
conversations within.

*Understand that happiness is intrinsic not extrinsic. If we depend on
external interference as a source of happiness, we may never be happy.