W.TEC is now accepting applications for 2019 She Creates
Camp. The camp will hold in Lagos, Kwara and Anambra states from July –
September 2019.
The She Creates Camp is a W.TEC initiative designed to help
Nigerian secondary school girls (13 – 17 years) develop an early interest in
computer science, information technology, and related careers.
The She Creates Camp holds both residential and
non-residential camps across the nation with a mix of hands-on technology
workshops, career talks excursions and leadership exercises, which endeavors to
build strong, intelligent and focused young women, well-prepared for living and
working in an increasingly technology-driven world.
At the camps, we aim to mold young girls’ psyche, give them
a positive image of technology, related fields, and opportunities while
bridging the knowledge and skill gap between boys and girls in their career
paths.
Partners and supporters included are Google.org, Oracle,
SAGE Foundation, MainOne, Swift Networks Ltd, Kenneth Dike Memorial eLibrary
and Laureates College – Lagos.
Evaluations of previous camps show enhanced leadership
skills, creativity, problem-solving and communication abilities in our alumnae
as a result of attending the camp.
Camille Schrier was crowned Miss Virginia 2019 at the end of June, and for the talent portion of the competition, the 24-year-old biochemist showed off what she does best: Science.Schrier demonstrated the catalytic decomposition of hydrogen peroxide, a reaction that occurs when hydrogen peroxide comes in contact with a catalyst like potassium iodide, which Schrier used in her presentation. As she mixed the chemicals, large spouts of colored foam came shooting out of the beakers onstage, delighting the audience and obviously impressing the judges.
“Keep an eye out,” she said as people cheered, “Because science really is all around us.”
After her big win, Schrier said she hopes her onstage experiment helps change the conversation around talent and what it means to be a beauty queen.”I am more than Miss Virginia. I am Miss Biochemist, Miss Systems Biologist, Miss Future PharmD looking toward a pharmaceutical industry career,” she said in a release. “Now was the time for me to create a mind shift about the concept of talent by bringing my passion for STEM to the stage. To me, talent is not a passion alone, but also a skill which is perfected over years of learning.”
Schrier is a graduate of Virginia Tech and is currently a Doctor of Pharmacy student at Virginia Commonwealth University. In keeping with her passion — and talent, — Schrier’s platform issue for the competition was opioid abuse awareness and drug safety.As Miss Virginia 2019, Schrier will compete in the Miss America Pageant in September.
A 39-year-old formerly incarcerated woman is making people believe in second chances after graduating with her PhD — and using it to create a pathway for other returning citizens to find meaningful jobs.
Yolanda Perkins grew up middle-class in Clewiston, Florida, where she says that her parents gave her and her siblings everything that they needed — including the opportunity to attend college. However, in 2004, while her friends were seniors receiving their degrees, Perkins was caught stealing credit cards from a workplace mailroom, leading to sentence in federal prison.
“I was facing 25 to 30 years and at the suggestion of my attorney,” she tells Yahoo Lifestyle. “I pled guilty to possession of stolen mail and in exchange, they dropped the credit card fraud charge.”
At the time, Perkins was just 24 years old and ended up being sentenced to three years in federal prison — a terrifying reality that she didn’t want to face. When she was denied her request to be on probation, or enter a military boot camp, she tried to take her own life.
“I didn’t think life was worth living, and I tried to commit suicide,” she says. “I just didn’t see my life as livable anymore.” Thankfully, the attempt was unsuccessful, and Perkins ended up surrendering herself to prison. And although it was a “hard transition” it provided her the opportunity to reset her goals and put her energy toward making them happen.
“The entire time that I was incarcerated, I always kept a journal,” Perkins shares. “And one of the things that I would always write while I was incarcerated was about how I would graduate college because I didn’t finish. I felt incomplete.”
Perkins explains that while there were plenty of critics who suggested she wouldn’t be able to accomplish her goal after prison, there was one fellow inmate who helped her realize how much time she had in prison and how to use it wisely.
Throughout her three years, she was transferred to two other facilities, where she engaged in learning programs and listened to speakers who sparked her interest in public speaking. Still, once she finished her sentence and was moved to a halfway house, things didn’t pan out as Perkins had expected.
“I knew that I was ready to hit the ground running when I got to the halfway house… I just knew that it would be so easy — that’s just what I had said to myself,” she explains. “But none of that happened. Instead, everything totally opposite happened.”
Her felony record made it difficult to land a job, as did her caseworker, who Perkins says told her, “the closest that I would get to working in somebody’s office is if I was cleaning it.” With the help of a friend, she eventually landed a job at Goodwill where she had a boss named Becky whom she came to call her second mom.
With Becky’s encouragement, Perkins went back to school to finish her bachelor’s degree and eventually pursued her first master’s degree, which she completed in 2010. All the while, she connected with and married her husband, Dwight, and became pregnant with their first child in 2012.
Still, it was difficult to move beyond the part of her life that she had come to feel so ashamed of — until she wrote her first book.
“While I was pregnant with my son, I was on bed rest and I wrote a book. And it was that book that I wrote that opened up doors,” she said. “Although I had been out of prison, and I had served my time, I was still on probation and I still felt like there was a hold on me. So I was still kind of embarrassed. But once I wrote the book, it became like an outlet for me. It allowed me to be transparent.”
The book, titled Consequences, was based on Perkins’s own story — which she only revealed upon the book’s release. In that moment, she says, she realized that there were others in her community who were suffering in silence from the obstacles that many formerly incarcerated people face — specifically, not being able to gain employment.
Throughout the next couple of years, Perkins continued to build her family and her career by having another baby, staring a company called Swimmie Caps and ultimately making the decision to pursue her doctorate degree. All the while, she was helping formerly incarcerated men and women find jobs, which eventually informed her dissertation.
Dwight, Bella, Dwight III and Yolanda Perkins. (Photo courtesy of Yolanda Perkins)
“There were multiple points that my dissertation was rejected because I was still trying to go around the issue of not even highlighting anything about incarceration,” Perkins says of her realization that her past was an important part of improving her work. “I need to focus on something that’s important to me, and that means a lot to me. And it was about incarceration. And then from there, I had to identify what about incarceration. So then I chose to focus on the success rates.”
Through her early research, Perkins determined that a lot of works had focused on men — so she aimed to fill that gap. “I just wanted to showcase that women can be successful after prison,” she says. “Life is not over after incarceration.”
Now, she’s an example of just that. After graduating with an additional master’s degree and her PhD from Nova Southeastern University on June 14, she showcased her difficult journey in graduation photos taken by a friend and photographer, Heather Sperrazza.
“I did not anticipate the pictures to look the way they did, but she was able to express that, yes I was incarcerated but I never stopped even after that,” Perkins says.
Perkins graduated from Nova Southeastern University with her PhD on June 14. (Photo courtesy of Yolanda Perkins)
Perkins’s story gained more attention as a result of her unique graduation photos, as well as an audience fit for her next business venture: an app for formerly incarcerated people that focuses on finding employment more easily.
“I want to stop this cycle,” she says. “I want to be able to provide a one-stop shop for returning citizens. I want it to be able to provide active resources.”
The idea, which she plans to roll out this fall after gaining funding, goes beyond connecting with companies actively hiring formerly incarcerated candidates. It also aims to ensure that candidates who have been isolated in prisons have the means to even put together a resumé, so ultimately, somebody can get a second chance just as Perkins had.
While working to bring that dream to life, however, Perkins says that she’s keeping busy raising her children, Dwight III, 8, and Bella, 6, in addition to running Swimmie Caps and preparing to release a second book. At the end of the day, however, the 39-year-old has to remind herself that acknowledging her past and the struggles that she faced is all a part of moving successfully to her future.
“It’s a part of me, it’s a part of my life,” Perkins says, “and I have to talk about it.”
The first time I heard the term ‘bullshit rules’, I remember thinking to myself ‘wait, bullshit what?’ BULLSHIT-RULES. You know what they are? They are these set of unwritten rules that the world expects us to live by but when you really break them down, you find out that the rule is really just bullshit. So Vishen Lakhiani (Founder of MindValley) decided to term them Bullshir-Rules and I’m going to attempt to whole idea to you.
Man, by being is programmable and I’ll tell you what I mean in a sec. If you strip down the things you generally hold to be true, to be your beliefs – you will notice that most of the things you believe are not a result of your conscious or rational choosing. You have grown to believe many things through programming, imitation and indoctrination. You basically believe a lot of things because you were told at some point in your life that that’s just how life is.
This would have been alright if the beliefs passed on were consistently beneficial, but this is not always the case – matter of fact, it rarely is.
As infants we are born without beliefs, with no real concept of right or wrong, good or bad. Society tells us what is acceptable and what is not. Culture determines what length a boys’ hair should be, parents dictate who they expect us to be friends with, and what they think we should study. Religion is clear on who makes a satisfactory spouse and who does not.
If you really really think about it, we are largely a product of our programming, yes there are exceptions but by and large many of us are still living the lives that someone somewhere told us to live.
“We have taken our definitions of what is acceptable and what is not from people other than ourselves imagining that they know more about our lives than we”.
Now I understand the place of parents, teachers and others in authority over us and they are very much needed but we must not be oblivious of the fact that it is very easy for them to pass on their beliefs to us; whether these beliefs are necessary for our growth or not. To be really honest, a lot of their beliefs are bullshit and you really need to chuck them, hold on to what serves you only.
The thing with beliefs is that they are fact. Whatever you believe becomes ‘fact’ for you so it is possible that you can live your whole life living someone else’s beliefs and experiencing the life that goes with it. How uncool.
If your beliefs aren’t even yours, then are you yourself at all? Makes you wonder why there’s so many people running around with no sense of identity, no knowledge of who they are. They have relied on others to decide who they are and therefore who they can become – it is a tragedy really.
But NOT today!!!
Today we are crushing all bullshit rules and making up new rules to replace them. I do apologize for all the swear words in this post if it hurts your senses, there are just a few more to come and we’ll be done – I promise.
To attempt a definition – a bullshit rule is a belief about yourself or life that you have always believed to be true even if it isn’t necessarily. It’s mostly negative and a result of unintentional or intentional indoctrination. Here are a few bullshit rules we need to get rid of today.
Bull-Shit rule 1
To make money, you have to work really really really hard. Hard work is important but don’t get stuck thinking that unless you sweat and toil, you cannot have the success or the money you want. Just look around you, too many examples to be a fluke.
Bull-Shit rule 2
To be a happy and successful woman, you need a man – Nobody should ever NEED anyone other than themselves to make them happy. You don’t NEED anyone, you might want ‘em because really what would life be without men…heheehe..
Bull-Shit rule 3
I need to go to school to make any money – Education is important, but you do not always need the four walls of a room to learn. You 100% percent need education but it does not have to come in the form of a college degree. Your knowledge is not less valuable just because it didn’t come with a certificate. You feel me?
Bull-Shit rule 4
She is less of a woman because she did not physically birth a child – This is bullshit and that’s all I’m saying about that.
I know how sensitive this is and I say it with utmost consideration for all concerned but it’s just not true and it’s painful to see people feel less than themselves for something they have no control over. This one pains me on a personal level. Chuck this BS rule quickly.
Bull-Shit rule 5
Money is the root of evil – if you believe this then you will stay far away from money. How do you think something is evil and keep trying to get it? It’s counter-intuitive. Money is great, its what you do with it that makes it either evil or good.
Bull-Shit rule 6
I can’t make money from doing what I really love – oohhh, watch me and you can too. Might take a little time and cost a lot but it is possible. There are too many life examples for it not to be possible.
I can go on but where’s the fun in that? Get in on the gist and let us know what bull shit rules you will be chucking today. Remember if it doesn’t serve you, chuck it. *singing* …bad energy stay far away…
About Olachi Olatunji
Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’
I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.
I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.
I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.
I am not a member of this church, and sadly I only heard about them after the allegations against their founder started.
I woke up Friday morning to several posts, reposts and reactions (good and bad) on social media, all of them about Busola Dakolo’s four-part interview, during which she recounts the rape incidents (yes incidents, plural – it happened twice) she suffered from Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo, the Senior Pastor of COZA Ministries, one of Nigeria’s mega protestant churches.
This issue of rape/sexual assault, especially on the heels of the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, is met with mixed reactions whenever it comes up. It’s either the survivor is immediately believed and has a lot of people supporting him/her, or the allegations and stories are met with flat out disbelief, and then some people proceed to call the survivor all sorts of names. Victim blaming commences, and the survivor ends up being shamed into silence and regrets ever speaking up. Then there are those that are sort of on the fence about it, who first try to make sense of the story by asking as many questions as possible before they decide who and what to believe.
When I saw the interview itself, I wasn’t that surprised. I sort of saw it coming, because her husband, Timi Dakolo, had previously spoken out about the issue of rape/sexual abuse by pastors, and had called out this pastor specifically, several weeks ago. Busola herself had also put up a peculiar post on Instagram just yesterday that I took to mean something big was coming.
The issues surrounding sexual abuse and rape, its prevalence, lack of justice/punishment for the perpetrators, report time, consent, and the culture of silencing and shaming of victims are currently being addressed across all social media platforms, and are perhaps a topic for a different day. However, some of the reactions to Busola’s interview that I have seen are what have me riled up.
Not surprisingly, a lot of people cannot bring themselves to begin to process or fathom that a religious figure (pastor, priest, bishop, nun, etc.) could ever engage in such shameful, criminal (and sinful) behaviour. Crazy, right? But I understand it because:
1. Cognitive dissonance: psychological conflict resulting from incongruous beliefs and attitudes held simultaneously (Merriam-Webster dictionary). This is usually for friends and family of the perpetrator, or those that hold them in high regard. 2. Some people have sadly undergone the same abuse, and are not ready to acknowledge what happened to them. 3. Some people have unfortunately tied the basis of their faith and spirituality to these religious figures, and so acknowledging or believing such allegations will shake their faith. This is what I want to address today.
We are all human beings. Men of God included. Yes, they might read/understand the Bible more than others. Yes, they are charismatic and know how to get a message across. Yes, they might be able to get spiritual revelations, or possess certain gifts of the Holy Spirit. But, at the end of the day, they are just men. In fact, if anything, they are in a better position to be the perpetrators of such sexual misconducts. Why? Because, among many reasons:
1. Rape is about power, and they possess tremendous power. 2. They believe they will get away with it, because for so long, they have. 3. Rape, sometimes, is a crime of opportunity, and between the adulation and undue attention they get from their followers, the opportunity will present itself somehow, and they will take advantage of it.
I am not a member of this church, and sadly I only heard about them after the allegations against their founder started. So, I sympathise with anyone whose world seems shaken by this. But, please, let us all remember that these people are only human beings like you and me. They are not God, they are only a mouth-piece, and no one is above sin or mistakes. Please, please, please, do not let your faith in God be shaken by this.
I am Catholic, proudly so. And yes, the Catholic Church has had its own share of sex scandals that spans centuries, especially involving the sexual abuse of younger boys by priests. I have also had my fair share of abuse and molestation from religious figures that occurred when I was much younger (sometimes in my own home), and I only recently opened up to my family and friends about it. And no one had no clue.
When we are able to see past their titles and positions, one thing is clear: sexual assault/rape can happen to anyone, by anyone, anywhere, and at any time. Hopefully, when we all come to this realization, we can better prevent, manage and tackle these issues so that they don’t keep happening, and so that the perpetrators don’t go unpunished.
I commend Busola for speaking her truth. It takes a special kind of courage and bravery to speak up about something like this, especially considering her status in the society, and being a mom of three not-so-young kids. I hope she is able to find healing and peace from this. Also, kudos to her husband, Timi, for standing by her and putting himself and his reputation out there for the greater cause.
I sincerely hope that as a country, we are able to finally hold powerful people accountable, and that this man is brought to justice. And if indeed there is a different side to this story (I highly doubt it – this is not the first allegation against him), then said pastor should come out and tell it.
“They’re not familiar with the [black] hair,” she told 60 Second Docs. “I saw that this might be something where I can empower them.” The documentary has been viewed more than 3.5 million times since its May 15 premiere, according to Popsugar.
She started the company in 2010 with three clients. Since then, she’s served more than 500 families. Swint offers several styles ranging from $40 to $150. She also hosts workshops for parents who want to learn how to do their children’s hair.
“I saw the need for this kind of service as more whites and other non-black families adopted black children,” Swint told Oak Park in March. “A big misconception a lot of blacks have about whites adopting black children is that they don’t care about these kids and that’s just not true.”
Laura Basi, mother to a pair of twins, is thankful for Styles 4 Kidz because Black hair resources are scarce in her country.
“I want to learn how to care for my children’s hair and this is the best place for me to learn how to do that. I live in Batavia where there’s not any place I can take them for hair care,” Basi said. “Adopting these two has been a positive experience for my family. We adopted them when they were five days old.”
The organization also allows Basi to socialize with other parents.
“I know soon it will be time to send them to school and that is something my husband and I are discussing now,” she continued. “I know there are things I won’t be able to relate to when it comes to blacks and that’s why I am learning as much as I can, from as many people as I can.”
The kids are also enthusiastic about their new hairdos.
“We’ll go there and give them haircuts and braid hair. You would be amazed how much self-confidence these children gain once their hair is looking good,” said Swint. “Seeing the smiles on their faces when we leave is a wonderful feeling.
Twins, Tia and Tyra Smith recently graduated from Chicago’s Lindblom Math and Science Academy with 4.0 GPAs and secured the title of co-valedictorians.
The 18-year-old sisters each excelled in 12 Advancement Placement courses, including U.S. history. In fact, they both juggled five AP classes in their final year of high school.
“I was like, ‘No, I’m not approving this. That’s not a stress level I’m comfortable with,’” Lindblom guidance counselor April Weathers told the Chicago Sun-Times.“What did they get? Straight A’s.”
For their senior year, Tia and Tyra launched two major projects at Lindblom: the academy’s first Black history, student art-featured gallery, titled “More than 28,” and a community health campaign for kidney disease.
Both sisters credit their achievements to hard work, encouraging one another and consistent communication with teachers.
“I think we’re successful, because of ourselves and because we’ve worked together throughout all these years,” Tia said. “I think it makes sense to do this together.”
Though they both will be studying theater this fall, Tia will attend Duke University while Tyra will enroll at Northwestern University.
Both have been awarded a total of $5 million in scholarship funds.
“Their achievement did not come as a surprise because we’ve been working with them at a very early age,” the sisters’ mother, Lemi-Ola Erinkitola, told Good Morning America. Erinkitola is an educator, author and founder of The Critical Thinking Child, which provides consulting and tutoring services to children, educators and families.
“It was very, very emotional and goes beyond just the title. It was the fact that they can share that platform together and a memory they can carry throughout their journeys in life.”
While neither sister knows exactly where their path will take them, Tyra said she has her eyes set on “be[ing] happy,” and Tia wants to dive into the world of theater, making it “more accessible” for the masses.
As the first Black, transgender and disabled model signed to a major model agency, Elite Model Management, Aaron Philip just landed her first full spread feature with Paper magazine.
A post shared by aaron philip (@aaron___philip) on Jun 24, 2019 at 7:10am PDT
Gracing the cover donning a fluorescent feather boa, the 18-year-old model is one of seven features for this month’s issue celebrating Pride and was interviewed by iconic supermodel Naomi Campbell. Philip, who was born with cerebral palsy, is very vocal about the representation disparities on the runway.
“As of right now, I’m one of two physically disabled models in the entire industry,” she told CNN in February.
“The fashion industry has only known one type of body, and one type of marketable figure for so long. (But) now we’re entering this time, and this climate, where all types of bodies want to be pushed forward and celebrated —not only celebrated, but be seen as desirable and marketable.”
She adds that the marginalized should not be responsible for amplifying their voices when others could advocate on their behalf.
“But it’s just the way of getting to where you need to be,” she said. “So I’ll do it. And hopefully I’ll do it so that other girls in my position don’t have to.”
Philip’s presence on social media has garnered much attention with a total of 120,000 followers on Instagram and Twitter.
“Honestly when i get scouted/discovered by a modeling agency it’s OVER for y’all!,” she tweeted in 2017.
Since being signed to Elite, Philip has remained booked and busy with several featured profiles and brand marketing campaigns including Dove, Sephora and Teen Vogue.
Kidpreneur Alex Hopkins and her mom, Patrice, have curated a box that delivers self love and serves as a launch pad for self-awareness and self-esteem programming for girls across the nation.
Alex and Patrice Hopkins, founders of Confident Girls
Founded in 2016 by mother-daughter duo Alex Hopkins and her mom Patrice, Confident Girls is a plant-based company committed to the empowerment of young girls, through education and positive self-care. Confident Girls is excited to announce the release of its new subscription box, Confident Crate. Confident Crate offers a fun yet empowering monthly subscription box, that caters to a young daughters’ uniqueness along with fun surprises for the entire family to enjoy. The box contains 2-3 full-sized beauty products and an additional 3-4 curated items with a new and unique overarching theme each month.
Confident Girls is represented through a vibrant mix of characters named Jadira, Alex, Shima, Aja, and Andraya. These characters are loosely based on the characteristics, imagery, and personalities of Alex, her two sisters, and her two cousins. The Confident Girls characters represent the diversity that encompasses the Hopkins family.
Studies show that by the age of 6, girls gain awareness of their body image. By late elementary school 50% of girls develop a negative body image, and 78% by the time they reach seventeen. This lack of self-esteem has lifelong consequences. Girls who are raised with confidence are more equipped to handle stressful situations, exhibit a more positive attitude and have the ability to positively influence others and seek leadership roles in their community. The creation of Confident Crate allows us to bridge this gap and accomplish three key principles: the importance of self-care, seeking diversity in everything we do, and most importantly instilling in young girls all over the world the belief “that confident girls look like me.”
When asked about the importance of this crate Alex states, “Confidence to me is the courage to do something that other people are afraid to do. One of those things is being yourself and doing what you feel is right. Starting Confident Girls with my mom we hope that we can give people the courage and confidence to stay true to themselves.”
The Confidence Girls mission is to create a supportive environment that brings girls together. Alex and Patrice were so touched when girls and their mothers, having seen the characters on their skin care products, would approach them saying say, “Wow, there is a girl with red hair. She looks like me!”
“Representation matters and all girls need to see the best representation of themselves,” said Patrice, who serves as the company’s COO.
Alex is not only the CEO of a successful skincare line for her and her peers, she is also an honor roll student, star on the soccer field, and a county champion in track and field for her middle school. Patrice uses her M.ED in Special Education to create a curriculum for their educational programs and workshops which focuses on self-care, mother-daughter relationships and enhancing their vision of building the self-esteem of young girls all around the world.
For more information about Confident Crate, Confident Girls products or programming, visit www.confidentcrate.com
For you, your argument might be that the lady is giving you confusing signals, and I agree that some women do that. But even then, no woman ever wants her freewill to be overridden. You have an obligation to respect that.
At different times in the last month alone, I have spoken with men who, during the conversation, have said, “When a woman says no, she means yes.”
You have heard that statement, no doubt. In fact, you are possibly one of the millions who believe it because, after all, women don’t know what they want. When men and women were created, why did it take so long for a woman to come on the scene, if not that they weren’t originally intended? What that means, of course, is that women don’t have as much anything as men, including freewill.
Ordinarily I wouldn’t be so bothered about statements like this, except that more than a few men have repeated the sentiment around me, which is really bothersome. That and the sad news about rape I’ve been hearing lately.
Women are raped and nobody enforces the law to protect them. But we force them to live with the consequences long after the incident. Do we really think that little of women?
When anyone – male or female – makes a statement like “When a woman says no, she means yes,” that person is propagating rape. See, people would have you believe that this statement applies only to instances where the man has a disagreement with the woman. They will say that when a woman says she wants to be left alone, what she is saying is the man shouldn’t go anywhere, that he needs to intensify his apologies. That is a big problem, however, and as well-meaning as it sounds, it is flawed. Highly so.
If you have been in enough disagreements, you can tell that staying, when someone has told you expressly not to be there, is fodder for aggression. What often happens is instead of abating the tension, the offender’s presence incites more anger. Why incite someone to aggression when you could easily walk out and talk about it at a more appropriate time? And let us not pretend that this is different, because it is not.
Unfortunately, religious leaders preach messages like this, too, which poses problems, because beyond petty disagreements between couples, they blur the lines and start to take statements like that to mean women are not intellectually sound enough to decide for themselves.
Can you see the problem here? Taking a word with a very direct meaning to mean something else, which is very consistent with how rapists think. Look at the recent abhorrence that happened in Abuja with policemen raping women. What if those women were prostitutes? Is that to say that a woman who chooses to earn her living sleeping with men is okay to be raped?
Well then, we might as well pass it into law that raping prostitutes is legal since we’re being all morally smug.
Freewill is the key here, and with it comes choice, as such no is a word that must never be negotiated.
Every time I think about the privilege of my humanity, one of the things I’m most thankful for is my ability to choose. But the world operates with such tyranny that one wonders if the infinite intelligence that put the power of choice in every human being didn’t know what it was doing when it did that. We have a world full of the effort to control people: sexual trafficking, domestic labor, war and all that sort. But the mandate was for everyone to dominate, not even over each other but over the earth.
When you say that a woman doesn’t really mean it when she says no, you take her for a fool. You take away the power of her freewill and give other people the permission to do the same. When you conveniently misinterpret her, you send her an unconscious message that her assertion carries no weight. Sadly, you then resort to blaming her when someone with as skewed a perspective as yours takes advantage of her. You didn’t invent the English vocabulary, so why give the words another meaning than originally intended?
For you, your argument might be that the lady is giving you confusing signals, and I agree that some women do that. But even then, no woman ever wants her freewill to be overridden. You have an obligation to respect that.
Irrespective of what a woman’s body language says, no means no. You must show a regard for her when you hear what she is saying, and respond.
