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SELENA GOMEZ SPEAKS ON THE ‘SCARIEST’ MOMENT OF HER LIFE AND HER BATTLE WITH ‘MENTAL HEALTH’

Selena Gomez is speaking out about her hiatus from the public spotlight and mental health journey.

About a year ago, the singer went off the grid as she announced she would be taking a break from social media and later checked herself into a facility for help with her mental health.

Gomez has now opened up about what she called the “scariest” time of her life and her decision to finally seek help while receiving the 2019 McLean Award at the McLean Hospital’s annual dinner held in Massachusetts.

In her acceptance speech at the award ceremony, she said; “I think that we are better when we tell the truth and, so, this is my truth. Last year, I was suffering mentally and emotionally, and I wasn’t able to stay all that kept together. I wasn’t able to hold a smile or to keep things normal. It felt like all of my pain and my anxiety washed over me all at once and it was one of the scariest moments of my life”.

Gomez then explained that after she sought out help, doctors were able to give her a clear diagnosis, which she said was both terrifying and a relief. “Terrified, obviously, because the veil was lifted, but relieved that I finally had the knowledge of why I had suffered for so many years with depression and anxiety,” the actress explained.

With her new knowledge, she said she felt equipped to face it head-on. And while it is still an ongoing battle, Gomez admitted that she is in a much better place a year later.

“After a year of a lot of intense work. I am happier, I am healthier, and I am in control of my emotions and thoughts more than I’ve ever been. So, I’m very happy about that” Gomez went on to say that while it isn’t easy to share her story with the world, she knows that others will benefit from hearing it.

 

 

Credit: LIB

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HOW IT FEELS TO BE ONLY SINGLE ONE IN YOUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

Everyone who has an inner circle of friends knows exactly how amazing it could be to belong to a tight-knit group that’s bonded by everything except blood.

You share memories, interests, laughs, history, lows, highs, successes, defeats and your life could literally be moving in the same speed.

Y’all are graduating around the same time frame, making career moves, dating, falling in love, marrying, going through life’s motions at the same pace…

…Or not.

Sometimes, there’s that one person who’s moving in all other aspects except when it comes to love and relationships. If you’re that person in your own circle of friends, this must be how it feels, right?

1.  Pressure to get a boo

Knowingly or unknowingly, lowkey or highkey, the pressure to date and get a partner will start to mount on you. It’s either your friends are doing it with their comments made as jokes, or you internalise the fact that you are the only single person and start to pressure yourself to get involved with someone/marry.

2. They’ll try to match you with people

One sure thing to expect is that even when you are clear that you are not interested in dating or getting emotional with anyone, one or more of the people in your circle of friends will try to match you with a man or woman who they think will be good for you.

3.    Some may say awkward things

There is also the possibility that the jokes and the ribbing you’ll be getting from your friends for being single will start to rub you in a wrong way. Some of the jokes may be carried too far, or may just start to annoy you as they get repeated over and over again.

4.   Hanging out with them may not be so easy anymore

Every one of them likely has family commitments now. If they are not married, they’ll likely have a date with their partner and you would not want to be the third wheel joining in on those dates.

That’s one more dilemma to deal with when you are the last single person in your circle of friends.

5.   Some may intentionally stop being friends with you

In a situation where you are the last single person in your group of friends, don’t be surprised if some of them begin to avoid you because they feel you no longer belong together, or due to fear that you would snatch their partner.

 

 

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THE PROBLEM WITH FAKE IT TIKE IT

“Fake it ‘til you make it’ is a common phrase in today’s culture, which implies you should just do it—whatever it is—whether you feel like it or not, and let your feelings jump on board later. While this might be a decent work ethic in theory, the question remains—is it ethical? And more importantly, is it Biblical?

The definition of the word “fake” literally means “counterfeit.” Inauthentic. When you invest time into pretending to be someone you’re not, or feeling something you don’t feel, you’re using up any available mental and emotional space that could be used for authentic, genuine connections instead. It doesn’t seem like a smart trade. So, when you “fake it ‘til you make it,” you’re essentially relying on your own confidence and self-esteem to sustain you, rather than your identity in Christ

Called to Be Real, Yet Conforming to His Image

On the other hand, there’s certainly some truth to the concept of acting now, and letting your feelings catch up later. This is an impasse I’ve been praying through for a while and is a topic a friend and I have been discussing at length lately. We both feel the same way—convicted about the whole concept of “fake it ’til you make it.” We’re both genuine people, and the dynamic of faking it—for however good a cause—feels wrong to us, even bordering on lying. Yet, we know there’s a certain tension between doing the right thing, regardless of our feelings, when it comes to obeying the Lord.

We have to be careful, because the other end of this spectrum thinks “Well, I don’t genuinely feel this way about X, so I won’t even try to feel otherwise.” Maybe you don’t “feel like” forgiving someone that hurt you, or “feel like” loving that difficult-to-love person, so you attempt to justify disobedience. That’s edging dangerously close toward the concept of obtaining a license to sin, which Paul specifically forbids in “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?” (Romans 6:1-2 ESV) You’re never excused from obeying the commands of the Bible because you don’t feel like it.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

True Strength Comes from God, Not an Illusion

True Strength Comes from God, Not an Illusion

But the real meaning of the phrase “fake it ‘til you make it” isn’t usually in regard to lying, or even directly going against the Word of God—rather, it’s founded in the attempt to force something by our own means and effort. Whether that “something” is fame, status, respect, love, forgiveness, or confidence, it’s steeped in striving in our own power—and that effort will fail us every time. We’re not perfect, and we never will be this side of heaven.

Yet, it goes against our flesh to admit weakness. Our society thrives on the illusion of having it all together, but that’s not reality. It’s a distorted mirror, one that reflects the inner brokenness of our spirit in need of Christ. True strength is found in recognizing the Strong One, and giving Him glory.

“Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:30-11 ESV)

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Uncover Your True Motivations

Uncover Your True Motivations

When you’re tempted to “fake it ‘til you make it,” what is your heart’s motivation? Are you trying to become more successful? Boost your own confidence? Climb the corporate ladder? Impress a man? If you’re feeling pressure or the urge to fake it, then odds are, you aren’t motivated to grow closer to the Lord and be further sanctified in Him at the same time.

Odds are, instead, you’re acting out of fear, insecurity, or doubt—which is acting out of the flesh. Resist the temptation to do so and walk in the Spirit. The Holy Spirit is authentic, and according to His word, He won’t lead us astray. “If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:25 ESV).

Stay close to Him and His Word, and you will put to death the desire to make much of yourself. “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30 ESV).This command isn’t just to exalt God—it’s also for our good.

As sinful humans, we’re not meant to bear the weight of glory. When we strive to further ourselves, be it at work, in relationships, or even in ministry, we typically end up only hurting ourselves. We get stuck in the same exhausting pattern of effort, failure, defeat, shame… effort, failure, defeat, shame…We fall for the lie that we can “fake it” and eventually “make it” or “mean it” or “feel it.” When that feeling never comes, we blame ourselves, and maybe try a littler harder. But it still won’t work. Why? It’s not supposed to. We’re not meant to be self-reliant.

Photo Credit: Pexels/Daria Shevtsova

Lean into the Blessing of Weakness

Lean into the Blessing of Weakness

We do, however, live in a world that applauds self-sufficiency. I can’t help but think that perhaps some of our struggles—some of the areas in which we feel less than and incapable—are actually gifts from the Lord. “Thorns,” as they were, to remind us of our need for Christ. If we were Super Mom or Wife of the Year or Employee Extraordinaire all the time, we wouldn’t cry out for the Lord to change us. To fix us. To mold us and conform us to His image.

No, instead, we would be relying on ourselves and bragging on our own ability, rather than clinging to and boasting in the Lord alone. Maybe “that Thing” you keep wishing your feelings would change about is a blessing in disguise—a blessing to guide you into deeper communion with the Lord and dependence on the Gospel to overcome what you can’t change.

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9 ESV)

Photo Credit: Pexels/Simon Robben

Truth Shines in a World of Fake

Truth Shines in a World of Fake

Not only do we live in a world that applauds self-sufficiency, we live in a world that celebrates fake—fake images on Instagram, fake body enhancements, fake smiles and fake laughs and fake self-image. Why would we, as believers in Christ, continue the charade? Why not instead shine the true, authentic, genuine love of Christ on those around us, and onto our problems?

Maybe our feelings toward That Thing won’t change overnight, but if they do, we know it’ll be the grace of God conforming us further to His image. We’ll give Him glory for the work He’s done, rather than pat ourselves on the backs for “grinning and bearing it” one more day. We’ll praise Him for His provision and mercy rather than stress-drink or stress-soak in a bubble bath. We’ll give Him the honor where honor is due, with all humility.

So don’t worry about “faking it ‘til you make it,” sweet sister. Being fake isn’t your goal. Making it isn’t your end game. Living freely and authentically in Christ as He finishes what He started in you, is. “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6 ESV).

Betsy_headshotBetsy St. Amant Haddox is the author of fourteen inspirational romance novels and novellas. She resides in north Louisiana with her newlywed hubby, two story-telling young daughters, a collection of Austen novels, and an impressive stash of Pickle Pringles. Betsy has a B.A. in Communications and a deep-rooted passion for seeing women restored in Christ. When she’s not composing her next book or trying to prove unicorns are real, Betsy can usually be found somewhere in the vicinity of a white-chocolate mocha. Look for her latest novel with HarperCollins, LOVE ARRIVES IN PIECES, and POCKET PRAYERS FOR FRIENDS with Max Lucado. Visit her at http://www.betsystamant.com./

Source: I believe

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ACTRESS, LILIAN AFEGBAI INVITED TO GIVE HER FIRST SPEECH AT THE UN

Actress, Lilian Afegbai was invited to speak by the African Children Talent Foundation to speak on child education at the ongoing United Nations summit in New York on Wednesday.

I am honored to be speaking at the UN today, on the importance of child education in Africa and the role of the entertainment industry in showcasing talent in African countries……
Thanks to @actdfng for this opportunity.

 

She also shared a video of her speech at the UN.

 

 

 

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10 THINGS EVERY HUSBAND SHOULD BE DOING FOR HIS WIFE

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25 NIV).

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard work. It takes deliberate effort to follow through on the vows we make on our wedding day. No matter how well prepared we think we are for marriage, we aren’t—not until we begin to walk those vows out. Whether you’ve said, “I do,” recently or you’ve been together for decades, you can count on one thing—your lives will be full of for better or for worse.

So how can you keep your marriage strong in the better and build it back up in the worse? Love your wife more than yourself. Push your needs aside and instead of asking what she can do for you, ask, “What can I do for her?” The list I’m offering next is only meant as a springboard to answer that question. God knows your wife and your marriage. He put you together, and He wants you to stay together. Ask Him to reveal her heart, then pay attention to what He shows you.

1. Touch Her

Most women crave affection outside of the bedroom. In the beginning of your marriage, you probably didn’t even have to think about holding her hand or rubbing her back. The longer we’re married, the more absent our touches can become. Jobs, kids, and financial stress can take priority over focusing on one another.

But even though life gets busy, her need to feel loved by you hasn’t changed. Look at it from her side—the day you married her, she became off-limits to every other man. Any affection she receives only comes from you. That’s a privilege, not a chore. She’s yours to take care of and love. You get her in ways no one else can have her. Don’t withhold something she needs; make touching her a priority. An unexpected hug can be worth a thousand I-love-you’s. Try it and see.

2. Show Her Respect

When you first met, I’ll bet you asked her where she wanted to eat, what movie she wanted to see, or what she thought about her future. When you knew she was the one, you probably saw her as a partner, an equal, and someone to talk things out with. Her opinions mattered.

Now that you’re married, remember that. Keep listening to her, and value her input. Consider her needs even if you don’t understand them. Remember, she’s just as invested in the life you’re making together as you are, and she wants to feel as if she’s standing by your side instead of walking behind you.

3. Carry Her Burden

We get married for a lot of reasons, but one of them is that we don’t want to go through life alone. There’s something appealing about that picture of growing old and gray together. Part of that appeal comes from having someone else to shoulder your burden.

When life weighs her down, step in and bear some of her load. Give her a chance to rest—emotionally, physically, spiritually. Be there for her, and when it comes time to return the favor, she’ll be strong enough to be there for you.

  • 1. Touch Her

    4. Speak Her Love Language

    It’s true that women and men show and receive love differently, but I don’t think it’s about gender as much as it’s about personality. Not everyone speaks the same love language. Chances are, the things that make you feel appreciated and wanted won’t always make her feel the same. When you cart the kids around to give her a break, your heart’s in the right place. But if she really needed you to bring her flowers to feel loved, you’re going to go through a lot of effort to show your devotion and be left disappointed.

    Stop, drop, and roll. Stop and pay attention to what makes her feel cherished. What makes her feel like she’s your number one. Drop what you’re doing if it doesn’t match up. Then roll with what you discover. If you’re not an observant guy, cheat. Ask her what she needs. Yes, she may be irritated that you couldn’t figure it out, but she’ll also be touched that you cared enough to try.

    5. Let Her Be Herself

    You fell in love with your wife for who she was, whether you met her in high school, college, or after. Maybe what first made you fall was her sense of humor, the way she wore her hair, or how you felt when she smiled at you. And you never wanted her to change.

    But people do change. Life brings experiences and circumstances along with responsibilities. And we have to adapt, good or bad. Plus, we want to grow as people, and God is pruning us to be our best. Encourage her to pursue new interests, make new friends, and change her style. Love who she was yesterday and be excited for who she’s going to become tomorrow.

    6. Give Her Space

    When you get married, you naturally spend most of your time together. You live in the same place, have a lot of the same friends, and go to the same events. But even though you’ve merged your lives together, you both still need space. Give her time to be alone, but also give her the space to do the things that are important to her, even if they don’t interest you. If she feels good about who she is alone, she’ll be able to be a stronger partner when you’re together.

    7. Treat Her Better Than a Stranger

    Test yourself this week. Watch how you interact with people you’ve just met. Are you polite? Considerate? Do you answer questions patiently? Listen to their opinions? Check yourself when you’re angry? Now compare that behavior with how you act around your wife.

    It’s been said that we treat the people closest to us the worst—because we feel safe in our relationships to express how we really feel. Expressing ourselves is fine, but we have a choice in the way we go about it. Why not take the gift you give strangers just for being strangers and offer it to your wife?

    8. Expend the Effort

    Whoever tells you marriage is an equal partnership hasn’t been married long—or ever. Not only don’t the numbers come in at 100/100, but they rarely come in at 50/50. Marriage, like life, tends to move in uneven cycles. It’s not fair; it will never be fair. But the bottom line is that you expend the effort it takes to keep the relationship going or you don’t. Your marriage works or it doesn’t. It’s good, bad, or neutral. That’s where your control lies—in what you choose to do.

    If you love your wife, don’t be satisfied with mediocre. You didn’t walk down the aisle thinking you’d be roommates who barely speak. You wanted better—go after it. Even if she’s given up, chances are once she sees you putting her and your marriage first, she’ll jump in and do the same.

    9. Ask Questions

    At first, learning about her feels easy. You want to know her favorite food, the movie she’s seen the most, what she wants to do with her life. Getting married opens a new stream of questions as you learn to live together and make life plans.

    Eventually the newness wears off and the questions taper. You’re worried about what you need to accomplish at work, checking things of your honey-do list, meeting your financial obligations, and your world isn’t in sync with hers the way it used to be. Stop letting her drift away and start asking her questions. Show her you care about what’s going on when she’s not with you.

    10. Be Still and Pray

    There’s a time to ask questions. And then there’s a time to just be quiet and be there. You can’t always fix everything, even if you want to. But you’re not out of options when it feels like everything’s falling apart.

    Don’t beg her to tell you what she needs. Pray.

    Don’t argue over things that will destroy your marriage. Pray.

    Don’t push your ideas on her. Pray.

    And don’t give up. Ever. Just pray.

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A PRAYER FOR WHEN YOUR HEART IS HEAVY

Sometimes, when burdens overwhelm us or times feel hard, we just need to be reminded that we’re not alone in this journey. Maybe the struggle has seemed too hard for a long while now. Or you feel like you’re just stuck, and tired of trying to keep moving forward.

Maybe it’s difficult to see what God is doing, or how He could ever use this situation for good in life. It may be that you’ve found yourself right in the middle of the desert, in the fire, in the flood of hard times; and though you know God is with you, it’s hard to even feel His Presence anymore. Other times, our hearts are so heavy for those we love, and we don’t even know what to do or what to pray. Fear and worry can be tough enemies to battle. They seek to chase peace far away, leaving the uncertainties of the future looming over us, dark and big.

God’s words give strength, purpose, and grace in whatever we might be facing. They alone can bring inner calm and security, that nothing else in the world can give.

A Prayer for When Your Heart Is Heavy:

Dear God,

Thank you for reminding us in your Word that we do not face the storms alone, but you are always with us. Whispering calm. Speaking peace. Bringing rest to our souls.

This world feels like a hard place some days; it’s hurting and broken. We pray for those who are facing deep losses right now, for the times that grief has covered us all. Please comfort us through the painful seasons, surrounding those we love with your huge peace and the reassuring presence of your Holy Spirit

We confess our need for you. We ask you to forgive us for trying to figure everything out on our own, for not trusting that you are more than able and powerful to work on our behalf. Forgive us for picking back up what we already determined to lay down at your feet. Give us the ability to trust you more, give us hearts that find rest in your presence. Give us the wisdom to seek peace and pursue it, remembering that it’s only to be found in you.

Thank you for the promise that your yoke is easy, and your burden is light. Thank you that you care for us so incredibly and that the peace of your loving presence guards and protects our hearts and minds in you. Thank you that we never have to walk in fear or live constantly in these overwhelmed cycles of worry and stress.

Help us to keep our eyes on you, and to see when another soul around us needs to be encouraged. Help us to be faithful to carry one another’s burdens, remembering that we’re all in this life together, and there’s such great power in unity and love.

Thank you that you are the soul refresher, the One who brings us rest, lifts our burdens, and gives peace. Thank you that you renew our strength and encourage our weary hearts. Thank you that you know our needs before we even ask you, that you know our thoughts, and all that troubles us today.

We ask you to please bring us into seasons of refreshing from your Spirit, that you would draw us closer to your presence as we seek to follow you. Help us to remember what’s most important in this world, and what’s not. Teach us to hold on to what matters, and to better know how to let go of what doesn’t.

Thank you for the gift of Jesus and the freedom He brings. For no matter what we go through in this life, or what we’re up against today, we never have to be shaken. You hold us secure, and we’re kept safe with you.

We love you Lord. We need you today, to once again lift from our hearts this heaviness and constant burden, as only you are able. And help us to find rest and hope in you again.

In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

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10 WAYS TO BE A HAPPIER MOM

When your baby is catapulted into the world, you can’t help but feel joy. You echo the words of Leah in Genesis 30:13, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” But those first moments of bliss are quickly tried by crying infants, sleep deprivation, and all sorts of challenges.

According to a Barna study, eight in ten moms feel overwhelmed by stress. Only nineteen percent of moms report being extremely satisfied as a mom. You know if you hang your happiness on your children’s behavior, you may have to wait a while before you can break into a wide grin.

But there is good news. If you can tap into the joy that comes from obeying Christ and being in his presence, you can be a happier mom no matter what is happening. Happiness (pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness) is actually something you can increase in your life by your thoughts and actions. Here are ten ways to help you be a happier mom:

1. Discipline With Action, Not Tone

You’ve probably yelled this before: “How many times do I have to tell you…” Most likely, you were the one at your wits end while your child was unmoved. Instead of using long explanations or threatening tones, use actions and consequences that will stop your child in his/her tracks. For instance, when my daughter dawdled at breakfast (again), we simply took the food away and served it for lunch. No fanfare or emotion necessary.

2. Drop the Guilt

Don’t fall prey to the victim mentality that makes you feel like a loser all the time. Notice your negative self-talk and seek to turn your bad guilt into good guilt. Bad guilt says “I’m no good” but good guilt says “I did something wrong and I need to fix it.” Focus on the things you can fix and stop expecting perfection from yourself. Failure is an event; not a person.

3. Do Less for Your Kids

Are you still packing lunches for your sixth grader? It’s time to stop. Don’t do for your children the things they can do for themselves. Whether it’s tying shoelaces, homework, or washing dishes, we need to give our kids increased responsibilities as they get older. It will not only make you saner as a mom, it will prepare your children well for independence and adulthood.

4. Pray with Other Moms

The Lord God Almighty stands ready to hear and answer your requests for your children. Make prayer a regular part of your mom life. To add accountability and power, invite another mom to pray with you weekly for your children. You can visit www.MomsinPrayer.org to see if there is a group of moms praying for your child’s school.

5. Focus on the Yes

Motherhood can feel like a big NO. “No, don’t touch that.” “No, I can’t go. I have to watch my kids.” Instead of putting the emphasis on no, find places to emphasize the yes in motherhood like, “Yes, let’s have some fun.” “Yes, let’s do that service project as a family.” “Yes, let’s save up for a family vacation.”

6. Listen to Your Body

Remember what you hear over and over on flights? In case of emergency, place your own oxygen mask on first, and then help your children. We often sacrifice our health because we’re busy with our mom duties. Make sure you listen and respond to your body. Get a good night’s sleep, exercise regularly, and eat healthy foods that will act as fuel.

7. Streamline Your Family Activities

Is your schedule running you ragged? Do you regret saying yes to soccer, baseball, piano, and gymnastics? At your next opportunity, choose less. Perhaps have your children do the same activity to lessen your drive time.

8. Have a Game Plan for Screen Time

The average child age 8-18 spends more than seven hours per day looking at screens. If you don’t have a game plan, it’s just too easy for free time to get gobbled up by mindless screen time. Use technology to bring you together as a family with activities like Friday night movie night and Skyping family members.

9. Seek a Mentor

If you want to learn how to cook, you learn from a cook. In the same way, if you want to learn to be a happier mom, you find a happy mom. Take this mom out to coffee and ask her to share her secrets. It’s extremely helpful to have a trusted advisor who can pray with you and answer questions about what’s happening with your kids.

10. Remember Your Blessing

In the day to day race of motherhood, we can forget how fortunate we are to have kids in the first place. Psalm 113:9 says, “He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children.” Imagine what your life would be like if your kids were taken away. Be grateful for your children each day.

 

Which of these ten ideas resonates with you the most?

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Family Life Today, The 700 Club and Turning Point with David Jeremiah. Arlene and her husband James live in San Diego with their three children. Visit Arlene’s website at www.ArlenePellicane.com.

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GINA SMITH:10 LIES SATAN WILL USE TO ATTACK A STRONG MARRIAGE

Spiritual warfare is the tactic Satan uses to distract, destroy, and cause us to stumble. If we are children of God, he knows he can’t have us. But he will do whatever he can to hinder what God wants to do in and through us. Why? Because he hates God and he hates us.

Not only does he hate Christians, he especially hates the marriage between two believers. He’ll use every weapon he has to attack strong marriage and delight when they crumble.

Why does Satan hate Christian marriage?

Christian marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. It is a platform for the gospel. “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church,” Paul writes in Ephesians, about marriage. The enemy knows that if he can destroy our marriage or put it in a state of constant conflict and confusion, he will hinder the kingdom-building work God wants to do in and through us.

In marriage, most of the battle takes place in our heart and mind. The enemy knows the subtle lies he whispers in our ear can quickly do a lot of damage.

Here are 10 lies that the enemy whispers in our ears in his attempt to tear down a strong Christian marriage:

Lie #1: Your Spouse Is Meant to Satisfy Your Deepest Longings

“Your needs aren’t being met. They are being ignored. You deserve better than this. Your spouse is not making you happy or putting you first.”

Truth: The only one that can truly satisfy and make me happy is God. No person has the ability to meet all my needs or satisfy my deepest longing.

Lie # 2: If You Don’t Have the Energy to Invest in Your Relationship, That’s Okay

“You are so tired. You don’t have the energy to invest in the relationship with your spouse like you used to. Besides, you are married! You don’t need to do that anymore. They don’t appreciate it anyway and they don’t do much for you either.”

Truth: My spouse is a gift and I need to make it a priority to invest in the relationship. God can give me the strength I need, even when I am tired, to nurture our marriage relationship.

Lie #3: You Can Still Grow in Your Marriage without Intentionally Trying

“I know you haven’t had much time to talk with your spouse lately, but your brain needs a break! You are mentally exhausted. Take some time and scroll through Facebook for a little bit. Oh! Wait! And you need to catch up on your favorite show! Hello Netflix!”

Truth: We never know how much time we have, and we need to make the most of the time we are given. The Bible tells me to “redeem the time” and to live a disciplined life. I need to be careful I don’t waste time.

Lie #4: Date Night Isn’t Something You and Your Spouse Need to Prioritize

“You are so busy! You have to get the kids to school, and then you have all this work to do. And you probably should be more involved at church. Date night can wait.

Truth: It is important that I take time, on a regular basis, to evaluate and prioritize. My marriage is most important, and I need to make time for it, even if it means I can’t be committed to a few other things.

Lie #5: Marriage Is about Making Each Other Happy

“You deserve to be happy and you could really use some romance in your life. You need someone who will meet that need! You should really think about leaving if things don’t get better soon.”

Truth: Marriage is not about my happiness. It is a picture of Christ and the relationship to His church. It is meant to point others to Him. Yes. Romance is nice, and is a part of marriage, but I need to be committed to my spouse and to the covenant I made.

Lie #6: You’re Owed Something Out of Marriage

“You have the right to do what you want to do. You work hard and you are owed something. You work all day, and you deserve to rest. You deserve to be appreciated! You deserve a break from the kids.”

Truth: My life is not my own. I am called to serve my family and have a calling on my life to faithfully obey God regardless of how I feel.

Lie #7: A Budget Is Restrictive and Your Money Is Yours to Spend as You Want

“Don’t worry about budgeting. Why even try? Plus, you need a bigger house and your kids need a bigger yard. You need to be in a nicer neighborhood. You can get a part time job to finance it if you need to.”

Truth:I need to learn how to be a good steward of all that God has given me. I don’t need all that the culture says I need. It’s more important that I use my funds wisely and responsibly, and that I be generous with what I’ve been given.

Lie #8: That Person’s Husband/Wife Has Something Mine Doesn’t

“Don’t you wish that your spouse was more like your friend’s spouse? I bet he doesn’t play video games all evening or work late. If your spouse had a job like his, you’d be able to do so much more!”

Truth:Comparisons are not wise. I need to continue to pray for God to work in my heart and in the heart of my spouse and pray that we would learn how to best serve and encourage each other, being content with what we have been given.

Lie #9: Your Spouse Is the One at Fault, Not You

“You are not at fault! He doesn’t realize how he comes across or that the way that he talks to you causes you to respond that way. He is the one that needs to change, not you!”

Truth:I am responsible for how I respond, no matter what my spouse does or says, and I will be held accountable for my actions.

Lie #10: You’ll Never Change (And You Don’t Need To)

“You can’t help it that you act this way. It’s the way your parents were. You learned it from them. You will never change.”

Truth: No matter what my parents did or how I grew up, I do not have to choose to repeat any negative behavior. With the help of God, I can do what is right and honor God with my words, and actions.

No matter how strong our marriages may seem, none of us are immune from these lies and, in a moment of weakness, we can fall prey to believing any and all of them.

We need to remember that our love for God should be what shapes and motivates all that we do and say in our marriage. Our posture should be one of servants, not demanding, entitled rulers. When God is elevated, when he sits at the center of your thoughts and life, you will be aware of the fact that only he can meet your deepest longings and needs. Your marriage, although it can be a blessing here in this life, does not exist entirely for our happiness alone, but for God’s purposes.

What lies have you let slip into your marriage recently? What can you and your spouse do this week to reconnect and remember what is true about marriage?

Gina Smith and her husband have served on a Christian college campus as the on-campus parents for over 20 years. They have lived on the campus where they homeschooled and raised both of their children. In her spare time she loves to write and recently authored her first book, “Grace Gifts: Practical Ways To Help Your Children Understand God’s Grace.” She also writes at her personal blog: ginalsmith.com.

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DEBBIE LARRY IZAMOJE: ARE YOU CONSIDERING A CAREER CHANGE?

My girls and I were having dinner, and after laughing about everything from fashion to family, the subject of career transitioning came up.

Fola raised the topic—not for the first time—and this time she desperately needed answers from us. We honestly thought she would follow her passion for baking, and “give daddy his law degree” as she had always said she would. Imagine our shock when she told us four years ago that she had decided to work at her uncle’s law firm. I’ll never forget how loudly we laughed when she joked that her child couldn’t live on cookies alone.

Our other friend, Bimpe, had successfully transitioned from owning and running her fashion business for years to becoming one of the best business strategists in the country. Bimpe’s voice was the loudest during this conversation, as it had every right to be. We all watched her handle her transition gracefully, how she sometimes had to delete comments by entitled people who had heard rumours about why she closed down her business. But she was soaring in her career, and that’s all that mattered.

Here are a few lessons on career transitioning that Bimpe shared with us, and will be helpful if you’re in a similar stage in your life.

Keep an open mind
This is a crucial season for you and your loved ones. Before you take that leap into a new career path, be open to the opinion of others, especially those who have transitioned before, or currently work in the industry you seek to join. Be open to asking and answering very tough questions. We didn’t spare Bimpe or Fola these questions, so I doubt your loved ones will. When people give you answers to your questions, ensure you’re not defensive.

Enhance your skills
A career transition can be one of the most humbling experiences ever. You’ll most likely find that some of the skills you have will not come in handy in the future. In order to be very effective in your new industry, ensure that you take a break to enhance all needed skills. Do it at your own pace; there is no rush. You may want to start out with a quick online search, a course, or take on a whole degree if that is needed in your new field. You should also consider an internship position to learn for a few months. Just ensure that you’ve evaluated your past experiences and measured it with what you now seek. Mentorship can also not be over-emphasized. Get a mentor or friend in this field who can help guide you.

Be sure you’re doing it for the right reasons
A career transition is a big deal. It’s important that you do not limit yourself, but it’s also important that the big decisions you take in life are well thought out. You have to look inward and question your motive. Why am I changing careers? Will I look back in five years and regret this decision? Should I seek counsel? The biggest reason for your career change should be fulfillment. Although I understand there are times where life just happens, still, always be fuelled by other desires that are not monetary.

Don’t hold back
Sounds like a contradiction, right? But life is too short to be doing anything that doesn’t give you fulfilment. You just have to take the jump. Do it afraid. There’s only so much analyzing you can do, at some point, you’ll have to just try it and see if it’ll work out. You’ll never know if you don’t try, and if you do try and it doesn’t work out, then at least you can tell the world that you’re great and trying new things and experiences.

About Debbie

Debbie Larry-Izamoje also known as The Entrepreneur’s Best-Friend is a Nigerian Entrepreneur. With Certificates in Innovation and strategy from Harvard University and user innovation from Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), Debbie is passionate about assisting entrepreneurs which is why she founded Image Boosters , a digital agency that specializes in Digital Marketing, Social Media Management, PR & Communications. She is an author of 2 business books and was for 25 under 25 SME and recently recognized as by Trek Africa as outstanding entrepreneurship personality of the year. www.debbielarrryizamoje.com www.imageboosters.com.ng Twitter and Instagram: @dee_larry @imageboosters_ Email: contactus@imageboosters.com.ng

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FARIDA YAHAYA: HEY STARTUPS, DON’T MAKE THESE MISTAKES IF YOU ARE TRYING TO ATTRACT INVESTORS

Discussing too many ideas is a red flag. For example, saying that your company intends to land one major customer, and then saying that you intend to land ten bigger ones at the same time shows you lack focus. Why? Because investors would rather have you record a huge success on the first one before hopping onto others.

Getting early stage investment can help new and existing startups worry less about short-term issues such as overhead costs, and help to focus on areas such as gaining competitive advantage, customer retention rates and expansion.

However, for entrepreneurs who aren’t savvy at the game, they could make mistakes that could prevent them from getting funds to expand their businesses. As the founder of a growing hair care solutions brand, I have made some of these mistakes in the last 6 years, and I learned these lessons the hard way. So let’s get into those mistakes and how to avoid them in the future.

Lack of Focus
Investors don’t like to waste their time and money. Therefore, when pitching to them to get funding, pass your message across clearly and keep it short and sweet. Additionally, since their main focus is to get returns on their investments, make sure that you explain the strategic plans you’ve put in place that would help you generate leads and bring in revenue. However, don’t make unrealistic claims or say things that aren’t related to the topic.

Likewise, discussing too many ideas is a red flag. For example, saying that your company intends to land one major customer, and then saying that you intend to land ten bigger ones at the same time shows you lack focus. Why? Because investors would rather have you record a huge success on the first one before hopping onto others.

Underestimating Your Competitors
Don’t make the mistake of telling potential investors that your business has no competitors. Saying that automatically translates to telling them that a market for your business doesn’t exist.

No matter the type of products or services you offer, your business has either direct or indirect competitors. For instance, if you intend to produce luxury cutlery and kitchen appliances when no one has, it’s safe to say that you don’t have direct competitors since there isn’t any other business offering the same product. However, your indirect competitors are other companies also producing affordable cutlery and kitchen appliances.

Additionally, don’t say horrible things about your competitors. Don’t make them look like they aren’t doing anything right, because the truth is if they aren’t doing it right, they won’t remain in business.

A Long/Boring Business Plan
When pitching your business to investors, one of the major items they’d ask for is your business plan. Don’t go to presentations submitting a 70 to 100-page business plan. Those are too many words, and most investors just want to see how your solution can guarantee a return on their investment. Likewise, your revenue model shouldn’t be shallow, It should adequately convey your plans for your business’ success.

Based on my experience, I’d recommend that your business plan shouldn’t exceed 10 to 15 pages. If it’s a pitch, it shouldn’t be more than 10 slides.

Not Understanding Your Metrics
Want to scare off investors? Don’t understand your metrics and you’re good to go. You should be able to know how much it would cost you to acquire a customer or cost of delivering the product and marketing. Knowing these metrics would give you an idea of the amount of money needed to fund or expand your business. Additionally, understanding your metrics would help you and your team work purposefully towards setting and achieving your business’ growth goals.

Being Overconfident
Investors have experienced successes and failures; and they can sniff a lie from miles away. While investors expect you to be an expert in your business, they don’t expect you to be a Jack of all trades. Instead of touting yourself as a know-it-all, acknowledge your investors’ experience and let them know that while you are knowledgeable about your business, you welcome their suggestions and ideas about other areas of your business.

Excess Focus on Product Features
Strictly focusing on your products and their features when raising funds for your business isn’t a great idea. Sure, while you need to sell your products and their features to potential investors, you also have to clearly communicate that you aren’t just selling a product or offering a service. Let them know and show them that you’re building a customer-centric brand.

Without strategic marketing, a great team, financial literacy, emotional intelligence and efficient operations, your business won’t survive, even if your products or services are gems.

Likewise, let investors know if your products have a special feature, and make sure that you communicate clearly how you’ll ensure it isn’t copied or reproduced, such as patent protection or copyright.

Poor Forecasting
Nothing puts off investors more than an unrealistic goal. When you aren’t authentic, you lose credibility. Most business owners make the mistake of exaggerating their financial projections, metrics and market size.

Don’t say it would take competitors five years or more before they can reproduce your products; because when investors carry out an investigation and discover that your claims are far from the truth, you’ve blown your chances. Period!

Instead of falling into this, sell your execution and your value proposition.

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