self development Archives

In self development May 25, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Ijeoma Thomas-Odia: Creating House Rules For Kids

Let’s face it: sometimes our homes can be stressful and chaotic, especially when we have children. The first step to making your home a more peaceful place is by setting house rules. Co-founder MumsAloud.com and parenting enthusiast, Tina Ok said.

House rules are important for many reasons. The first and most important is to help everyone in your household get along better, and make family life more peaceful. Another reason is for predictability. Children thrive on routine as it keeps them safe and helps them know what to expect. Having rules teach children to know exactly what is expected of them always. If there are no rules, it’s difficult for children to know how to behave.

“It is important to have house rules as they reduce power struggle and ultimately reduce the number of times we have to shout for something to get done. House rules can start at any time; for younger ones, you start by showing them what is expected of them. As they get older, you can include them in creating a house rule and remember that after a while they won’t seem like rules anymore, as it becomes what everybody expects and does automatically.”

Tina stressed that it is key to be mindful that the house rules can change especially as they get older. An easy way to set the rules will be to look around the house and identify “problem” issues that you may find yourself struggling with and having to shout about so often. Make sure it is something they can relate with like throwing school uniforms on the floor after they return from school and you having to tidy up the trail after them or leaving food crumbs on the table after eating or talking to each other rather than shouting at each other among others.
Brainstorm the problem areas with them. Ask them something like: “what is it that mummy shouts about most of the time?” They will remember this and it will help you come up with a list. Then ask them how they think they can help mummy shout less often around these problem areas. And because they are involved in coming up with solutions, it will be easy for them to remember rather than impose some random rules on them.

Make sure the rules are simple and easy enough for them to follow. Help them understand that, as a family, just like parts of the body, when they do their part it becomes easy for parents to do their part.
She added that other ways to come up with house rules could be around three main areas:

• Firstly, protection from harm (don’t go outside to play without telling any adult first, as it may be too dangerous out there. Don’t play near the kitchen when I am cooking, as you may get hurt from fire, sharp objects.

• Secondly, taking care of things (keep your toys away after playing with them so they don’t get lost and you become miserable, make your bed when you wake up, keep your clothes in the laundry basket after taking them off so that they can get washed).

• Lastly, showing respect for other members of the house (no fighting with your brother or sister as they can get hurt).

Make sure you explain the rules and the reason why it is necessary for everyone to adhere. When they understand the reason for the rule, they are most likely going to cooperate in implementing it. When you have put it together, confirm that everyone is happy with it. Then, print it on a piece of paper and place it where everyone can be reminded of it, and everyone means that adults, too, are not exempted.

Remember, when you model following the rules with your children, they will have no choice but to take after you.

Photo credit: Fantastic Services Group.

Source: Guardian

In self development May 24, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Nike Folagbade: Ladies, 3 Ways To Become Approachable By Men

For a long time, I kept turning men off with my hard look. I wasn’t always smiling. A long face became a default and this made some men stay away. I had few people who approached me to correct me but I always felt they didn’t know what they were saying.

Ladies, do you want to be more approachable?

These days, a lot of men complain that it’s difficult talking to some girls because they either get shunned or don’t even bother approaching due to what they sense from afar.

I decided to write on 3 quick tips to make you more approachable among many other tips.

Can you just smile? That was what a man told me as I came out of the bank some weeks back. I wondered if it was his business to frown but the more I frowned, the more he said, “Please just smile”. But I thought about it later on that he must have had the boldness to tell me while some ignored me because I didn’t smile. It’s not easy for men to approach ladies but your smiling face and open external attitude can reduce the fear in them.

Smiling increases good life and good health too. Please smile.

Look smart, classy and bright: To be sincere, I’m visual and I like it when people look good. This morning, I approached a lady and said, “Your gown is fine.” She didn’t hear me well, so I repeated it three times for her to notice and she smiled back and said thank you. Who no like better thing?

Looking good enhances a friendly environment and attention. Looking hot is different from nudity.

I was bad with my dressing before I got married and it made me less attractive. I shared so many wrong things I did in my book; “How I Got The Ring”. It took a lot of conscious effort, research and intentionality for me to get better.

There is a part of you that enhances your beauty, enhance it well. I have soft and nice lips, but at least, I can add a touch of wet lips or lipstick. Please don’t use lipstick to get a man if you will not use it after marriage.

Looking good is first from the mind so it has to reflect. You may look good and still not be approachable; you need to add the smile I mentioned above.

Be humble and respectful: The only way to make a man feel a little comfortable when he approaches you is by responding to his little “HI or Hello” with a courteous response. It speaks a lot. Don’t just treat people like they are nothing.

The fact that he is shorter than you want doesn’t mean you should ignore him. Be nice, you may meet again. The fact that he wasn’t in a car doesn’t mean he is not valuable either. You may be surprised at where you will meet him later on. Be careful to create a good impression even if you don’t attend to his offer.

Not all friendships should become intimate relationships so build other kinds of relationships intentionally.

What are the other ways to become approachable?

I know we have a lot of them, do tell me some.

About Nike

Nike Adedokun Folagbade helps singles build healthy relationships via break up, dating and relationships coaching.

Her goal is to help many singles recover from heartbreaks, attract and keep the right partner and build healthy relationships.

She has been featured in numerous magazines, newspaper, television and radio programs like Channels, The Punch, Business Day News, CoreTv, The guardian, City fm, Happenings Radio amongst others.

Her Facebook group, The Right Partner Community is targeted at helping one single at a time achieve their relationship milestone. She blogs at www.nikefolagbade.com and can be reached via adenikeadedokun@gmail.com or hello@nikefolagbade.com

In self development May 24, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Underestimate A Classy Lady

You may be deceived by her poise and elegance. You think that underneath it all, she may not be firm or be able to put her foot down. But don’t be fooled. Classy women are women of substance. Although their exterior appears seamless, they can very well be spitfires.

Here’s why:

She’s passionate about what she believes in

Classy women are adamant about what they feel is right and wrong, and will express their point of view. What they won’t do is demote the opinions of other well-meaning people–-they use their emotional intelligence to build bridges with others.

She knows how to set boundaries

They won’t hesitate to make their needs crystal clear and will speak up in order to get what they deserve. They don’t get bogged down with minutia and know how to use the word “no.”

She’s calm under crises

Even when they’re dealing with stressful situations, classy women know how to maintain their cool. People may wreak havoc and act out of sorts, but under pressure she conserves her energy and puts it to good use.

She’s selective about her priorities

They’re choosy about what they focus their attention on – not because they don’t care about others’ concerns, but because they know what takes precedence. If they have a deadline to meet or an emergency to handle, the less immediate things can wait.

She doesn’t have to do it all

They aren’t afraid to delegate what they don’t have time to do, after all they’re only human. The ability to ask for help is a sign of their strength and knowledge of self. They’ll never see this as a weakness.

Source: womenworking.com

In self development May 24, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Toddy Rosiji: 4 Signs You Are Better Off As Friends With Him

Sometimes the line between like and love can be hard to distinguish. We’ve all been in that one relationship with a guy where all the pieces fit together perfectly.

He was charming and smart and funny and sweet and you get along like gangbusters. But in spite of all of this, there was a little voice in your head wondering…

“Would we be better off just as friends?”

Let’s get one thing straight right now: There is nothing WRONG with friendship.

Friendship is dope as hell and really rewarding for the people in it. How can you tell if he’s a perfect boyfriend or better off as your bud? There are lots of different signs, but we’ve pulled together the big ones to help you out.

Here are 4 signs you and your boyfriend are better of just as best friends

You can’t imagine a future together.

You’ve been dating exclusively for a little while now. So it’s natural you stop to think about the future.

Not so natural?

Maybe you just can’t picture it. Or you don’t like what you see. You like him a lot, maybe you even love him, but when you think about making a life with him in it you draw a blank.

2. You love him but not that way.

When your friends talk about how much they love their boyfriends you get worried. Sure, you LOVE your boyfriend, but you aren’t on cloud nine or anything.

He’s a great guy, you take care of each other, you’ve got a lot of common interests. But it doesn’t seem like the storybook love affair true love is supposed to be. That’s because it isn’t … it’s true friendship.

3. You hate living with him.

You guys have been living together for a while and… You can’t stand it. It’s not that you each have quirks and need to get used to each other. It’s that you aren’t compatible as living partners romantically. You’d be better off as buddies, hell, even as roommates.

4. You want to open the relationship up.

Your relationship is going just okay. You have sex, and it’s also just okay. You don’t want to break up because it feels like there’s no real reason to. But you want to open up the relationship so that you can meet new people. Boredom and dissatisfaction in your relationship is not a sign you should open things up.

It’s a sign you’re dating a friend and not a lover.

In self development May 24, 2020 By Women of Rubies

6 Beauty Hacks Using Shea Butter

Shea butter is a kind of butter that comes from the seeds of the fruit of Shea (karite) tree and is quite rich in Vitamin A, E, and F. Shea butter is used for many things but we are going to be focusing on some of the ways it can be used to achieve a beautiful and supple skin and hair.

Shea butter as a skin moisturizer: Shea butter contains natural vitamins and fatty acids which nourishes, moisturizes, and make the skin glows. It also restores moisture to dry skin.

Shea butter as a sunscreen and tanning cream: Shea butter contains antioxidant properties and provides UV protection (SPF 6) to prevent and heal sunburns.

Shea butter for eyelashes: Apply shea butter to your eyelashes to make your lashes thick, full, and healthy.

For hair: Shea butter is a natural conditioner for hair. It softens hair, seals in moisture, defines curls, conditions scalp, and alleviate dandruff. Shea butter also enhances hair growth.

Shea butter for healing scars and wounds: Shea butter contains anti-inflammatory properties e.g lupeol cinnate, which prevents the development of tumors. Also, due to its high content of vitamin A, it is effective in promoting healing of skin allergies like rashes, eczema, burns, stretch marks, etc.

For Make-up: Apply shea butter to your face before applying makeup to make it last longer. It can also be used as a lip balm as it nourishes and makes the lip supple and soft. To make your eyeshadow last longer, dab a bit of shea butter on your eyelid before applying eye shadow. Shea butter can also be used as a makeup remover. It is also the best eye wrinkles remover!

So why not incorporate Shea butter to your daily beauty regimen!

credits: google.com

In self development May 21, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

FREE – The Journey Of Six Women Through Sexual Molestation To Healing

FREE was launched virtually in Lagos on Wednesday, 13 May 2020 at 3pm on Zoom.

FREE is a book by Debola Salako-Kupoluyi that exposes sexual molestation in children, its effects and provides a guide to healing through transformational tools.

The book FREE was inspired by God and the essence is to bring change to the next generation by shining a bright light where few others dare to go.

Free reveals how six successful women were sexually abused when they were children. It highlights precautions that could be taken to avoid sexual abuse in children and emphasizes the importance of parenting. The book FREE is real and powerful – it would leave you in awe of the potentials that the human soul has to endure pain and rise to great heights.

FREE is for people of all ages and more specifically written for children, teenagers, their parents/guardian and anyone at all who has suffered the ugly acts of sexual molestation and its effects.

The author is in partnership with Cece Yara Foundation and Mantle of Mordecai (MOM) foundation to provide professional counselling, treatment and ongoing support to children who are victims of sexual abuse helped through FREE.

As part of the commitment to eradicating childhood sexual molestation, 25% of proceeds from the sale of FREE would go to Cece Yara foundation. Its mission is to prevent child sexual molestation through community empowerment and support. Also, 25% to Mantle of Mordecai (MOM) foundation. Its mission is to enhance the value of life of children by ensuring that they get quality education. The proceeds will be used to sponsor the education of a child who is a victim of sexual abuse.

The e-copy of the book is now available online on Amazon Kindle and Okadabooks. Hardcopy preorder is also ongoing, and it will be ready for distribution within three weeks.

See link to order e-copy or preorder hardcopy https://linktr.ee/Freebydsk

Twitter, Facebook and Instagram: free_by_dsk

In self development May 20, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

“Don’t Pretend You Made It on Your Own, Speak the Truth If You Were Helped“- Aderonke Enoabasi

Fashion entrepreneur, Aderonke Enoabasi had a question and answer session on her Instagram page and while answering her followers questions, she urged business owners to share the truth about how they started their business and not mislead the younger ones.

She wrote,

“At age 19, I started selling Okrika bra, I failed. At 20, a lot of people took advantage of my naïveness and the hunger to just wanna work. At 21, I started selling bags and accessories. I made so much gain.

At 22, Mummy gave me money to learn make-up at House of Tara. I did makeup business till 26. At 26, I started fashion business till now, I’m 27 going on 28. Business is fine, I’m learning. I own RHONKEFELLA, I’m still learning but I feel fulfilled.

I always preach something, no one owes you anything. After secondary school, I didn’t get admission into the university on time so I’ve always had the urge to work. At age 19, after my Okrika bra business failed, I thought the business wasn’t for me so I dumped the idea and I started to look for office work.

So many people took advantage of me. Some along the line would tell me, shebi you know you’re beautiful. You know the rest of the story! Did I fall for those story line? Once or twice I did and once they had me, they dumped me.

I have met people who will never help or invest in you. I have also met people who will rather give you fish than teach you how to fish. So, if you find someone who helps you or finances your idea, please don’t lie or take the glory.

If you are handed money and you don’t work hard or smart with that money no matter how little or big, it will not amount to anything.

We all need HELP. As much as we strive to be independent, it’s okay to ask for help. If you can do it yourself go ahead but if you get help, be proud to say you did! It takes nothing from your success story, enough with God help me tales.

God won’t come down, he will send people to help you. Let us be more truthful to the younger ones. It’s okay if you don’t feel the need to speak about your journey but if you must, please speak your truth, don’t “LIE”.

May God bless everyone who has invested in my IDEAS! They made RHONKEFELLA a reality. God bless the “BOYFRIEND “ but most importantly, God bless IYA RONKE! My mum has come through a zillion times…”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BlvVvu0nRn1/?taken-by=therealrhonkefella

Source: Woman.ng

In self development May 20, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Enitan Facos : Is He In Love With You? Here Are 6 Ways You Can Tell

One of the greatest feelings a woman can ever have is a man’s true love. Though your boyfriend may take time telling you he is in love with you, chances are he already has through his actions. That’s what happened to me. I knew my husband was in love with me by the way he paid close attention to all my needs. He genuinely cared to hear about my good days and my bad days. Moreover, I didn’t have to ask him to do something for me. He just knew. He loved spending time with my family and me. And he said “I love you” first.

For the most part, women are quicker at expressing their emotions to their partners; meanwhile, men take a longer time. You may assume that your boyfriend is not in love with you because he has not verbally expressed his feelings or revealed the three words all women love to hear. But take a close look at his gestures, his mannerisms and how he looks at you. The love he has for you is in the tiniest details.

Here are six ways you can tell the man you love is in love with you, too.

Shows interest

When your boyfriend starts to ask you in-depth questions about your likes, dislikes and future goals, he is in to you. He wants to learn everything about you. He sincerely cares.

Delicate touches

He grabs your hand gently during a walk in the park or at a family gathering. He caresses your hair softly. He hugs you for no reason at all. He affectionately touches your face as he stares at you. Sometimes just sitting at home watching a movie and cuddling on the couch speaks volumes.

Spending time together

When you find your boyfriend spending less time with his friends and more time with you, he is in love. He is not giving up on his friends; he simply chooses to spend as much time with you as possible. His priorities begin to shift.

Does anything for you

He doesn’t care what it takes, but he will make anything possible for you. He may not necessarily be interested in the things you are interested in, but he makes the effort to take part. He doesn’t mock what brings you joy. Perhaps you love a particular musician, and he doesn’t. But he surprises you with two concert tickets – one for you and one for him.

Meeting his family and friends

As old-fashioned as this may sound, when a boyfriend introduces the woman in his life to his family and friends, he is serious. He has hopes to take the relationship to another level. His feelings are deeper than you know.

Talks about marriage and children

If your boyfriend inquires about your feelings on marriage and children and expresses his thoughts on the matter, chances are he’s been thinking about a future with you. And if you both share the same feelings about marriage and creating a beautiful family together, love exists.

Says those three special words first

He tells you “I love you” before you do. It doesn’t matter when or where he says it. All that matters is that he wants to say it first.

Again, it’s easier for a woman to share her innermost thoughts compare to most men. Many men have a hard time verbalizing their feelings even though they do love you. However, through their positive actions and attentive ways, you will know he is in love. Give him time and you’ll hear “I love you.”

In self development May 20, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Esther Ijewere: 10 Ways To Revive Your Positive Energy

Positive thinking is a mental and emotional state of mind that focuses on the good and expects positive outcomes. Staying positive can be tough. Positivity can start to wain when you are bombarded with a succession of negativity, failures, disappointment and heartbreak.
Every challenge you face withdraws from your energy, resilience and a little bit of your faith. Once your positive energy is depleted, pessimism slowly begins to creep in and take hold.

If you want to stay positive when facing challenges and negative situations, here are 10 things you can do to help revive your positive energy:

1. Perform random acts of kindness

Finding ways to put a smile on the face of others affects you just as much as it affects them. It takes the focus off of you and your problems and allows you to be a positive force in the lives of others. Doing good for others makes you feel good. It lifts your mood, improves self esteem and self-worth and it serves as a small distraction from your current challenges.

2. Take a mental break
Exhaustion is the silent killer of positivity.Learn to take breaks when things get overwhelming. Do something that gives your mind a break from whatever challenge you are facing–and that could just mean taking a nap.

2. Develop an attitude of gratitude
Noticing and appreciating the positives in our lives is a great way to lift your spirits and provide yourself a mental boost. Start to practice gratitude by being thankful for the simple things in life.

4. Laugh
Laughter truly is the best medicine for most of what ails us. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. Find a way to laugh–often. Watch a comedy, spend the evening with your crazy friend who knows how to keep you in stitches.

4. Hang around with positive people
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” The bottom line here is our behavior and thought patterns mirror those we hang around. Choose carefully who you allow into your circle.

5. Look for the silver lining immediately
Trying to force optimistic thinking amidst emotional turmoil or a bit shocked usually don’t work that well.
Training yourself to look for the lesson and find the bright spot not only eases the burden a little, it also slowly begins to transform your entire thought process.

8. Breathe deeply
Breathing exercises help expel toxic air from your body and refills your body and more importantly–your brain with fresh air. It clears your mind and allows you to regain mental clarity. One moment of clarity at the right time can change everything.

9. Don’t dwell on negativity
Avoid dwelling on downers. Downers bring you down!
Focusing on negatives isn’t just unpleasant, it also makes you less effective in tackling other tasks you face. Negativity produces more negativity.
Bad things happen–try not to replay them over and over and fixate on un-pleasantries. Play positive scenes in your mind instead.

10. Engage in positive self-talk
Talk to yourself. Tell yourself things are going to turnaround and will work out in the end.
Say it out loud. Speaking what you believe out loud reinforces and strengthens the message. You say it and hear it simultaneously.

Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children.

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Twitter & IG : @Estherijewere

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Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

In self development May 18, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

#MondayMotivation: 4 Ways To Deal With Negative Vibes At Your Workplace

It’s important to point out that not all ‘bad’ feelings are bad. Sometimes, being angry, sad, unhappy, or stressed is a healthy and natural reaction; you should not go out of your way to suppress, ignore or bottle up your feelings. But if you experience these emotions on a frequent basis they can become chronic and even addictive. That is when healthy negativity turns into toxic negativity.

Here are four ways to deal with negativity at your workplace;

1. Stop Blaming and Start Learning

Next time something goes wrong, don’t point the finger of blame. You’ve probably heard the saying that whenever you point a finger at somebody, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Instead of blaming, first take a look at what you could have done differently to react to – or entirely avoid – the problem you’ve experienced. In most cases you will find there is always something you can do differently or better next time. Learn from your mistakes, adapt, and grow!

2. Stop Complaining and Take Ownership

Instead of complaining about a problem, do something about it. Does the guy in the next office constantly interrupt you? Are you not getting the recognition you deserve at work? Don’t complain to your friends or co-workers. If it bothers you enough to complain about it on a daily basis, then take action and make changes. Ask the guy to stop interrupting you or send you an email instead. Talk to your boss about a raise or a change of duties. Just do something. And if nothing works and you are still unhappy… maybe you have a much bigger decision to make.

Sometimes there is a fine line between complaining and simply communicating about a problem. A good general rule to go by is if you tell somebody about a problem more than once, you are complaining. Doing it daily will make it a chronic activity that is very poisonous to you and others around you.

3. Practice Random Acts of Kindness

One of the most effective negativity antidotes is to do kind things for others and feel the positive energy that comes with that. Next time you see a mom struggling with her baby trying to open a door, run over and open it for her. Help somebody carry something up the stairs. Pay for somebody’s parking meter or their lunch in the drive-thru. Leave a $20 bill in the bible in the hotel room. All of these simple little things can add up to you feeling really good about what you did. That positive energy can cut through the foulest of moods.

4. Build Positivity into your Organizational Culture

Make a positive, helpful and healthy attitude part of the mission, vision and values of your company. Hire people who light up the room when they walk in and bend over backwards to help others around them. Work with clients who love to do business and who are passionate about what they do. Work with vendors who care about their work as much as you care about yours. Make ethics a key ingredient of your cultural formula and enforce a strict moral code. Help others when in need and celebrate your victories loudly!

Negativity is weaker than you think

When you’re in a bad mood, it may seem that the dark cloud will never go away. But you’d be surprised how easily you can change your mind and mood if you put your heart into it. Try following a few of these tips (and share them with others!) over the next few weeks and see if the overall spirit and attitude of your workplace improves.

credit: www.nine10.ca

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