In self development July 7, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Wunmi Adelusi: Here’s How To Leverage Your Personality For Growth

What is that thing you do effortlessly? What do people keep coming to you for? Which area is your opinion most sought? Are you the go-to person when it comes to party planning/gathering people together/ starting conversation?

For the longest time, I thought and believed my personality could be a hindrance to my career growth. I lived that myth out for a while before I realised that my personality was mine to harness and leverage on. We have allowed the phrase “this is how I am” dictate to us what we can get out of our environment. Well, that ends now!

Research shows that your personality – whatever type that might be – can be your greatest asset if you just understand how to use it to your best advantage.

There are two broad personality types: the extrovert and the introvert.

An extrovert is known to derive his/her energy from being around people. Most times, they are externally stimulated, love talking, and sometimes forget when to stop. They are usually very sociable and can use their natural friendly nature and confidence to create rapport for effective team building.

An introvert, on the flip side, feels drained when surrounded by a lot of people. They love their me-time and their space, they can be reserved, and often not the best talkers. So they get to channel most of their energy into observing their environment, listening, reading, and writing – basically things that allow them express themselves when alone.

Recently, a friend of mine did an Instagram poll that showed that extroverts have more mentors/sponsors than introverts do. Now, I strongly feel the personality is not precisely what holds us back from putting ourselves out there, instead it is the thought of how bad we could be if we try. And my question is, why not?

I have observed that not everyone who has remarkable career growth or visibility is an extrovert. Somehow, these people have just mastered the art over time, and if we don’t, we could hate on these people for a really long time.

So how can you leverage your personality for growth without losing your authenticity?

Self-awareness

You cannot address what you don’t know, so you need to, first, identify your personality. Who are you? How best do you like to express yourself? In fact, a quick way to this is to take a personality test. There are numerous tests out there, a google search would help.

Identify and maximise your strengths

Your strength looks best on you because it is yours. What is that thing you do effortlessly? What do people keep coming to you for? Which area is your opinion most sought? Are you the go-to person when it comes to party planning/gathering people together/ starting conversation?

That is a pointer to what you can forge within your organisation. You could start with showing up for volunteering opportunities. For an introvert like me, it could be doing peer reviews for your colleagues. Don’t let what people say stop you from owning your strength.

Be consistent with your unique selling point

The best way to master an art and get the result is to be consistent. That is how that thing can be your trademark. People who suddenly seem to be known in this age are those who have been consistent with their craft, whether people watched or not.

So when your favourite supervisor is not the one championing that extracurricular activity at work, would you still volunteer? Do you give your best to writing reports to the boss as well as sending a mail to your subordinate?

Being consistent requires discipline – discipline to say ‘no’ or ‘yes’ as occasion demands.

Recognise when to step out of your comfort zone.

Because each personality is most comfortable in its area of strength, we can get lost there, that is why it is crucial to know when to step out of that zone. As an extrovert, you should know when to stop talking and give others the chance to do so.

As an introvert, you should know when to speak up, particularly when you attend meetings. That is when to brace up and say something from your reservoir of knowledge gained from observing, listening, or reading. That’s when to showcase that you understand all that’s been said, even if its just reiterating someone else’s point. Even when it requires you to do more work, no one gets recognised by doing only their job description, be willing to do extra.

How have you been leveraging your personality type in the workplace?

About Wunmi

Wunmi is an experienced finance specialist with outstanding academic and professional achievements. She is a mom of two boys. Currently, she works in the Financial Services Industry. Spurred by the desire to inspire young professionals, she started an online community of millennial employees where she shares relevant information aimed at building, empowering, inspiring, supporting and promoting employees to thrive in their careers.

In self development July 7, 2020 By Editor

Nkem Ndem: Keeping Secrets Could Actually Save Your Relationship

Anyone who has ever been close to me will tell you one thing: I hate secrets. Communication is a huge deal for me in any kind of relationship. Even though I grew up being told to keep secrets from people, as a way to protect myself, experience has made me understand that sharing thoughts, feelings, deepest fears, dreams and struggles is key to building an open, honest and healthy relationship.

Of course, not everyone feels completely comfortable engaging in self-disclosure… even when it comes to the people they are closest to, or are even intimate with. There is always the strong need to protect one’s interests, avoid confrontation, conflict or manipulation, and of course, the fear of losing the person completely.

Then again, there are secrets…and then there are secrets. For instance, not telling your girlfriend that you still stalk your ex or even stalk their own ex on social media, or not admitting to how much time you waste doing random, unfruitful things like playing online games, window shopping or even picking your eyes or nose, may not necessarily count as major secrets. No one will necessarily give you the side eye if you keep any of these little secrets from your partner as they are more like innocent little blips and do not directly affect the other party.

However, withholding information that directly affects or concerns the other individual or omitting any information that reveals the core of your identity, thus keeping your partner from having a complete picture of you (flaws and all) definitely constitutes as keeping a secret.

NKEM SAYS: KEEPING SECRETS COULD ACTUALLY SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Anyone who has ever been close to me will tell you one thing: I hate secrets. Communication is a huge deal for me in any kind of relationship. Even though I grew up being told to keep secrets from people, as a way to protect myself, experience has made me understand that sharing thoughts, feelings, deepest fears, dreams and struggles is key to building an open, honest and healthy relationship.
Of course, not everyone feels completely comfortable engaging in self-disclosure… even when it comes to the people they are closest to, or are even intimate with. There is always the strong need to protect one’s interests, avoid confrontation, conflict or manipulation, and of course, the fear of losing the person completely.
Then again, there are secrets…and then there are secrets. For instance, not telling your girlfriend that you still stalk your ex or even stalk their own ex on social media, or not admitting to how much time you waste doing random, unfruitful things like playing online games, window shopping or even picking your eyes or nose, may not necessarily count as major secrets. No one will necessarily give you the side eye if you keep any of these little secrets from your partner as they are more like innocent little blips and do not directly affect the other party.
Continue reading on www.Womenofrubies.com link in bio #Womenofrubies #relationship #secret

Some of these secrets are usually linked to unpleasant topics such as money troubles/finances, job situation, fidelity or issues related to past or present mistakes.

Keeping secrets certainly indicates a lack of certain elements including trust, authenticity, and real intimacy.

However, it appears secrets could also help breed these same elements. I recently hung out with some colleagues, and during our discussions, the topic of keeping secrets in a relationship came up.

One of the guys raised a point that early in a relationship, it can be difficult to know just how much to reveal to the other person and so secrets become necessary to protect the growth of that relationship. He confessed that he had recently been introduced to a girl with whom he had been started dating for just about 1 month. He explained that on their last date, she had asked him how he raised the money to start his business. And rather than telling her it was savings he made from the time he was a yahoo boy, he told her he got financial support from his friends and family.
According to him, he was protecting the relationship as it was still at its blueprint stage and he was not yet comfortable disclosing the sins of his past.

Again, he wanted her to get to know him and fall in love with him for who he really is before sharing all that information with her. His submission was that just as no parent tells a child the whole truth, people in relationships should accept the ongoing need to edit their full reality to ensure trust and intimacy are forged. His situation also suggested that until you reach a certain comfort level, whereby you are both in it for the long haul, you are probably better off keeping a few things under wraps.

Sometimes when we meet someone new, we get drawn into the fantasy world where we believe that we have found “the one” and so we do all we can to build a foundation of trust. We forget the fact that relationships, especially nowadays, are volatile at best, and we turn our personal life into an open book, killing our relationships before it even gets the chance to thrive.

Surely, keeping certain dark secrets and revealing them in small doses and at appropriate times in relationships may be in everyone’s best interest. Chances are that you are not even the only one keeping a secret or two. You may be shocked later on, when you find out what your partner is keeping also under wraps.

Do you agree or not?

About Nkem Ndem

Nkem Ndem V. is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for online writing(web content and blog) and editing, screenwriting, ghost writing, copy proofreading and book reviews. With a degree in Mass Communications, Nkem has been working as a freelance writer since 2011 and has collaborated with several organizations including Jumia, SpiceTV Africa, and Bella Naija. Also, she works part-time as an English language tutor to prep candidates for EDEXCEL IGCSE, TOEFL or IELTS. Check out her Instagram page @kem_dem. Also, she tweets with the handle @ndemv and can be contacted via email: nkemndemv@gmail.com.

Source : Bellanaija

In self development July 7, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Wuraola Ademola-Shanu: You Need a Social Media Detox! Yes, You!

If you feel like social media has taken over your life, if it preoccupies your mind, or if you find yourself constantly and habitually reaching for your phone, these might be signs that it’s time for a break.

Technology was meant to serve us. We create things, like social media, to make our lives better so we can have more control over the limited amount of time we have every day. But is social media actually improving our lives? Or have we become slaves to our own creation?

How often do you reach for the phone first thing in the morning and check your Twitter notifications? How often when you’re on vacation are you more concerned about taking the perfect Instagram picture than enjoying yourself? How often are you locked in an internet argument on Facebook? A social media detox gives us a bit of clarity into this.

The amount of mental energy we give our phones, specifically social media, could be put to much better use.

Social media, in its inception, was harmless fun. Now, it has evolved to be part of our daily lives. It’s how we consume most of our information, and it influences everything from elections to public discourse.

But social media is not real life. As much influence, or seeming influence, it has, it’s a curated and selective sample of what’s actually going on in the world.

What Is a Social Media Detox?

A social media detox is a conscious elimination of social media use and consumption for a set period of time. Generally, most social media detoxes are 30 days, but some people do 7 days or even a year-long social media detox.

Why Take a Social Media Detox?

If you’re here or you’ve been thinking about taking some time off of social media, you should probably do it, and that should be reason enough.

If you feel like social media has taken over your life, if it preoccupies your mind, or if you find yourself constantly and habitually reaching for your phone, these might be signs that it’s time for a break.

How to Do a Proper Social Media Detox

Tell people

The first step to taking a social media detox is to tell people.

Tell people you interact the most with that you’ll be offline for a while. This will do a few things.

First, it will keep you accountable. If you’re back within a few days Tweeting or posting photos, the people you told will hopefully call you out on it. This will help you stick with the detox.

Secondly, it will let people know you haven’t disappeared if you wind up sticking with it. Most people won’t really care, and some may not even notice (don’t take it personally!).

Delete the apps and block the websites

The next step is to delete the social media apps from your mobile devices, especially your phone. This step is required. I can almost guarantee you that you will not succeed if you keep the apps on your phone during the detox, or you try to rationalize to yourself that you’ll only check them once a week.

For this to work, you’ll need to disconnect completely. If that seems too hard (or even impossible), try a shorter detox.

You may also want to install an app or tool on your computer that can block out social media websites for you.

Plan what you will do during your detox

The last step is to plan what you will do during your detox and actually fill your time with the things you plan to do.

You may wind up surprised at how much time you’ll find during the day that you otherwise would have occupied with your social media habit.

If possible, try to replace your social media habit with something that doesn’t involve technology. I suggest this because using your phone or laptop to replace a digital habit isn’t really productive.

Some suggestions include:

Reading
Spending time with friends and family
Learning something new (language, hobby, skill)
Working on a side project or business
Exercising, gym, yoga
Meditating and practising mindfulness

But if you need to replace your digital habit with a more productive digital habit, here are a few suggestions:

Download Kindle on your phone and read books during downtime/boredom instead of looking at social media
Listen to podcasts or audiobooks
Write
Take an online course
You can sneak in some bingeing on Netflix.

Benefits of A Social Media Detox

It breaks the social comparison cycle

For example, if everyone you know is getting married and having babies but you’re still single, you may end up feeling isolated and lonely. This can even lead to serious depression for some people. Break away from this unhealthy cycle by taking a break from social media so that you can reconnect with all of the awesome things in your life.

You’ll stop feeling competitive

Even if you aren’t aware of it, social media brings out your competitive side. Each reaction and comment is a measure of how popular a particular post is, which can make you strive to outdo others and even yourself.

This type of competitiveness is not healthy, and it can cause anxiety and depression. Take a mental health break by stepping away from social media for a while!

It’ll improve your overall mood

The amount of time you spend on these sites is directly related to whether or not you feel stressed out or happy.

In other words, if you’ve been feeling highly anxious, stressed out or depressed, this is a good time to take a social media detox. It may feel weird at first, but your overall mood should begin to improve as you stay away from Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites.

You’ll reconnect with the real world

Sadly, people who spend a lot of time on social media sites report feeling lonely and isolated in real life. They are also more likely to suffer from a weakened immune system.

The good news is that even if you’re an introvert and uncomfortable with a lot of in-person interaction, you can boost your mood by simply going out in public. Take yourself to your favourite park or restaurant if you prefer to be alone. You could even go to a movie or concert.

You’ll stop obsessing over your past

Leaving social media behind for a while can give you the space you need to stop obsessing and actually move on with your life. Make sure that when you do return to social media that you take the extra step of blocking exes or anyone else who it pains you to see online. You can also tweak your Facebook memories to remove certain items so that you stop being reminded of them.

The first step to a successful social media detox is merely trying it. Even if you’re hesitant or unsure if you can do it, try it for a weekend. See how you feel after 2 or 3 consecutive days of being off of social media.

Like how you feel? Try a week and slowly progress to a full month.

About Wuraola

Wuraola Ademola-Shanu is a copywriter, content creator and content strategist who help professionals, consultants and business owners align their stories with their ideal clients, refine their sales funnels and expand their online reputations. She is also a proofreader. You can connect with her via her IG page @thecopywritingchic

Content source: Bellanaija

In self development June 27, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Everything You Need To Know About The Murder of Olamide Alli

On June 22nd Nigerians woke up to the news of the gruesome murder of Girl Child advocate and social entrepreneur Olamide Alli, who was killed by the father of her kids.

Olamide up until her death was very passionate about issues affecting the girl child, and used her Pearl Academy Platform to create awareness and advocate for them. A shining star who wanted to change the world.

The initial news that was sold to the media as motive behind her murder was Infidelity, and questions surrounding the paternity of her second child. It was later discovered that the news was an attempt to throw in the victim card for the deceased husband who also killed himself after murdering his wife-to-be.

A Facebook user who claimed to be an Insider shared her side of the story below;

To set the records straight, the Late Olamide didn’t have a child outside her relationship, the so called Femi who his real name is Chris Ndukwe, a serial killer that kills his lovers escaped from Phc where he tried to kill his ex who he threw down a two storey building some years back but fortunately the babe survived and has been relocated to Canada by her family. He happened to lie to Olamide she met him and fell in love in her second year, had a child for him then when she finished school a second one came.

Her parents are like you guys are in love why not tie the knot and wedding was fixed for next month. Olamide lives with her parents. The so called Femi asked her to come and visit with the kids. Olamide went with her nanny not her sister like the blogs reported. On Sunday he sent his security man around 10 to get him tape which the guy did. In the evening he asked Olamide to come join him in the room, he was almost drowning a bottle of Hennessy XO, he put on music very loud and tied her to the chair and taped her mouth, used a plier to remove her braids one after the other, then he plucked her eyes, stabbed her 11 times before she died, he then drank two bottles of sniper and killed himself.

The knife he used, found at the crime scene

The nanny came knocking on the door and no response she went to call on their neighbor who called the estate security they came in and called no response they called the Mobile police in the estate to come they broke the door and saw the horrible sight.

Now this so called Femi moved into that house 3weeks ago as he was planning to settle down with her. To set the records straight a paternity test is being carried out by her parents. Because the said kids all look like their dad but her parents want to set the records straight. Femi’s family have been alerted and they are on their way from Enugu today. I wonder why blogs won’t verify news before they publish. This gist is first hand from Olamide’s family.

May her gentle sweet soul rest in perfect peace. So this guy is mentally sick and this is not the first time he has attempted to kill his lover. He isn’t alive to testify, that’s quite unfortunate. This guy is a serial killer, we need to be alert now the days are evil. A lot of danger lies ahead for so many, so many people are bipolar and mentally sick. Always investigate people before delving into a relationship, times have changed seriously now. Let’s all trade cautiously.Shalom.
Adaeze ©” .

Social Entrepreneur Ife Durosinmi Etti ,who was also close to Olamide while she was alive, have set up a Trust fund that will be monitored by First Bank Trust Fund, to raise funds for the 2 kids the couple left behind.

Rubies Ink Initiative for Women and Children, and it’s projects @womenofrubies and @walkagainstrape will also be donating to the trust fund, and we hope you do same too.

Here is the donation link; https://dashboard.flutterwave.com/donate/se8ahuslz2yn

In self development July 7, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Esther Ijewere:15 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Two days ago Girl child advocate Olamide Alli was gruesomely murdered by the father of her kids, he plucked out her eyes, took out her braids with pliers and stabbed her 11 times, then killed himself afterwards.

The relationship which was started when she was 17 years old was described as toxic and controlling by many who knew the couple when they were alive.

Many women have been programmed to endure abusive relationships, an age long tradition of keeping face and suffering and smiling that make many women redundant or send them to their early grave.

However, Domestic Violence is a two way traffic, as men also suffer violence in relationships, but ego and societal perception of being seen as weak make them endure.

Three years ago there was a popular case of a lawyer who stabbed her husband thrice in the back and several times on his private part. Some tagged it a crime of passion while some women came to her defense , but I won’t support such irresponsible act, just because the culprit has the “W” tag. No justification for violence of any kind!!!!

Man or Woman no one deserves to die in such a way.

We nee to continue advocating for the rule of “Walking Away”, and stop telling people to manage abusive relationships, you are saving them from being killed or stopping them from killing out of psychological torture.

Abusive relationships are unfortunately very common. They come in forms of physical abuse and emotional abuse, in which both are equally as devastating.

Most are just pushed under the rug, in hopes their partners will change, out of fear of their partner, thinking it is just a momentary reaction or thinking it is completely normal. Abusive relationships are definitely unhealthy, and should not be continued. An abusive partner normally will never change, no matter how much they claim they are going to.

Here are signs you are in an abusive relationship and why you need to walk away ;

Being treated as a property or sexual object

2.Others see the abuser as a very nice person and the abuser acts very pleasant and loving between acts of violence

Denying the seriousness of the violence and /or blaming it on circumstances like stress, anger, partners behaviour, drugs, alcohol or other reasons

4. Constant jealousy , calls and/or surprise visits.

5. Controlling and/or treating you like a child such as interrogating intensely, tracking location, having to ask permission to go places or try new things, keeping all the money, and asking for receipts and proof of what you’ve been up to

6. Unrealistic expectations of perfect behavior and treatment

7. Isolation from family, friends, cars, phones, jobs, and/or the public

8. Name calling, degrading, and/or humiliating

Manipulating your emotions and making you feel like you’re the problem

10. Easily insulted, angered, or saddened

11. Feeling fear, nervous, unsafe, trapped, or hopeless

12. Forceful sex

13. Blaming others for mistakes

Arguing constantly and quickly.

Feel free to add other signs you know, remember nothing is worth losing your life/or going to jail for.

Walking away cost you nothing , just tell your legs to receive common sense before your hands get you in trouble.

“Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children.

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Twitter & IG : @Estherijewere

LinkedIn: Esther Ijewere

Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

In self development June 22, 2020 By Editor

Tale Alimi: 5 Tips To Business Growth

One of the most common desires I hear from business owners is that they want to grow their business. They are tired of going round in circles or things being stagnant for a long time. For some, growth means increasing their business revenue, for others, growth means opening new branches or increasing their customer base. I have noticed that growth is harder for businesses that have achieved some amount of success and have coasted in a certain level for a while. The reason this is the case is that they do not want to change a winning formula or rock the boat.

The fast pace of technology development has rendered a lot of formerly successful products obsolete; from typewriter’s to fax machine, to the cassette player and even to the floppy disk(remember those?). Most of these companies achieved a level of success and stayed there. They were not willing to step out of their comfort zone and make the required changes that would lead to growth and other more agile players took over their market share with new products. Albert Einstein defines Insanity as ‘doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result’.
As a business owner or if you are part of a business that needs to grow or go to the next level, you need to step out of your comfort zone. You can start with baby steps and then take bigger steps with time. Here are a few tips on stepping out:

Take risks
This is a scary concept for a lot of us because by the very meaning of the word ‘risk’ it signifies uncertainty. It connotes that the outcome is unpredictable and can either have a positive or negative impact. I am an advocate for taking calculated risk and putting your leg in the water gradually and this is a necessary step to grow in business. This could mean introducing a new service or product to a small segment of your customers and testing the response before scaling it up.

Learn new things
Knowledge always fuels growth and most successful people are committed to continuous learning and improvement. Don’t only learn about things that are happening in your industry, learn from other abstract or unrelated things and you would be surprised where inspiration would come from. One of the ways I get inspiration is by watching cartoons with my son; the amazing characters that Disney and Pixar create seem to always have a message for me about life and business.

Explore
This is an extension of learning new things. It is looking at new ways to do the things you usually do. I met a lady some time ago who has built a successful business around sugar free cakes because she decided to explore a way to bake cakes that people could enjoy without packing on the calories. So my advice is look at your current process, product and services and find new ways of doing things.

Fail forward
Failure is a word that has a negative connotation to a lot of us, but I have learnt that failure is a perspective and true success cannot be achieved without some failure. I like John Maxwell’s advice to fail forward; which means let every failure be a learning experience that would move you forward. A famous quote by Robert F. Kennedy is: ‘it is only those who dare to fail greatly that can achieve greatly’. So instead of letting the fear of failure hinder us from moving forward, the goal should be to learn from our failures and grow through them.

Find your genius
I believe everyone has an inner genius and your inner genius is unleashed at the point where you let go of inhibitions and fear and embrace your true creativity. We always refer to some people as ‘geniuses’, but the truth is that everyone is capable of being a genius at something – if they are willing to hone their skills and put in the necessary work required to create genius standard.
You need to step out if you want to grow and this can only happen when the discomfort of being stagnant overshadows the fear of stepping out. I would like to also recommend this article: 3 success habits that changed my life to provide more inspiration.

About Tale Alimi
‘Tale Alimi is the CEO of Tale Alimi Global; a premium business coaching and strategy consulting boutique focused on helping progressive and forward thinking SME’s take their business from small to scale. She is the author of Uplevel-find your niche, share your story, build your tribe and profit from your passion(www.talealimi.com/uplevelbook). She has a Masters in Business Administration from Lagos business school, a certificate in personal coaching from the coaching academy UK. Visit her website to learn more:( talealimi.com.com). Get daily business inspiration when you follow her on twitter (http://twitter.com/talealimi) and Instagram(https://www.instagram.com/talealimi).

In self development June 22, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

5 Psalms For People Who Struggle With Anxiety

Anxiety and depression are two words that I desperately wish were not in my personal vocabulary and experience. But, they are. God allowed me to walk through several years in the valley of the shadow of death and now that I’m on the other side of it, I believe He had my good in mind. I believe He taught me things in the valley that I could never have learned on the mountaintop. I believe that He wanted to prove to me that I truly am never alone, though I felt it many times. I believe He wanted to teach me that my feelings do not equate truth. God wanted to show me parts of Himself that I might never have known otherwise.

My season of depression is over for now; however, the anxiety can creep in, often unannounced, and leave me reeling. Sometimes the fear is so thick that I just know if I reach out my hands I can touch it. Sometimes the fear and anxiety keep me awake at night.

I know I’m not the only one that struggles. God has taught me much on this journey and I hope that these verses and these words will remind you that you also aren’t alone, you aren’t forsaken, and the God of the universe loves you. He longs for you to trust Him even through seasons where we don’t understand what is happening around us or in us.

For me, praying God’s Word in particular has been one thing that has helped me my heart so much. Sometimes in the depth of despair we don’t feel like we have the words to pray. So, instead, God gives us His own word and we pray it back to Him. We want to be close to God but don’t know how. His Word provides that closeness and nearness of Himself. He gives us Himself through the gift of His Word. His Word can be your lifeline, friend, don’t take it for granted!

Here are some of my favorite verses to pray when I’m struggling. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

Psalm 23 – This passage is so well known to most people, but don’t overlook the profound truth and comfort this Psalm brings to us just because you’ve heard it many times before. Speak the words to God:

“God, You are my shepherd, I lack nothing. You make me lie down in green pastures, You lead me beside still waters, You restore my soul. You lead me in paths of righteousness for Your name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me! Your rod and your staff, they comfort me! You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in Your house forever. Amen.” Psalm 23:1-6

Psalm 27 – This Psalm is one of my life verses. I’ve struggled a lot with people pleasing which I think leads to anxiety so often. Wondering and worrying and becoming fearful of what others think or what they might do or say about us. We can’t live in that place! We must preach the gospel to ourselves and remind our hearts the The LORD alone is our light and our salvation!

“God, You are my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? You are the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked come against me to eat up my flesh, my enemies and foes, they stumbled and fell. Though an army may encamp against me, my heart shall not fear!” Psalm 27:1-3

Psalm 34 – I like to think of this Psalm as the Psalm for the brokenhearted and fearful one. God love the brokenhearted, you know. And we are all broken, by the way.

“I will bless You at all times, Your praise will continually be in my mouth. I sought You, Lord, and You heard me, You delivered me from all my fears. When we look to You we are radiant. Your angels encamp all around those who fear You and You deliver us. Help me to taste and see that You are good, oh Lord. You say I will be blessed when I trust You. Those who seek You lack no good thing.” Psalm 34:1-10

Psalm 61 – Isn’t it encouraging to read the words of David, a Bible hero, who struggled like we do? That may be one of the reasons the Psalms are my favorite place to camp in God’s Word when I’m struggling. I especially like Psalm 61 in the New King James because of the word “overwhelmed.” I have spent seasons living in an overwhelmed state. When I find myself there, I pray these words:

“Hear my cry, O God; from the ends of the earth I cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you are a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy…” Psalm 61:1-3

Psalm 91 – Psalm 91 is another Psalm with such comfort that helps us learn how much it truly impacts us when we abide in Christ. Psalm 91 tells us that when we abide or dwell in the shelter of the Most High, we can REST in His shadow. He gives us rest from our worry, from our fears, from our anxiety.

“You are my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:2

When the anxiety sets in, repeat some of these verses out loud. Speak them to God. Memorize His Word. Cling to these truths. Repeat to the Lord, “I trust You, I trust You…” and when we abide in Christ, the peace that passes all understanding begins to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4-6

Did you catch the beautiful truth in that passage? Prayer brings peace. When we are anxious about anything we are instructed to take it to God – with thanksgiving even! And then? Then, the peace of God, which we may never understand, will GUARD our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Prayer brings peace. Prayer gives us more of Jesus. And that is just what we need in our moments and seasons of anxiety: more of Jesus.

Note – If you or a loved one struggles with anxiety, depression or any mental illness, please reach out for help! Tell someone, a friend, a spouse, or your doctor. There is help, hope and healing available for you! Do not suffer alone.

Candace Crabtree is just a broken mama thankful for grace and new mercies every morning. She and her husband live in East Tennessee where they homeschool their 3 kids. Candace also enjoys teaching piano, coffee, good books and blogging at His Mercy Is New. On her blog she shares encouragement for weary women from God’s Word along with resources for learning to pray the Scriptures.

Source: I believe

In self development June 22, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Ene Abah: Fighting Sexual Violence Is Our Collective Responsibility

We work far from home, away from our families, under a lot of pressure. People easily get vulnerable and have so much pent up energy inside of them. In places like this, stories of sexual misconduct are not uncommon, so finding ways to protect oneself is always necessary. At the time these incidents took place, there was a certain fear that came over me and I wondered if there might be another incident as I saw these men every day. Unconsciously, I paid more attention to what I wore around the house. Society has a way of inculcating the idea in women that they are responsible for incidents of sexual assault or abuse. These incidents seemed trivial and I didn’t have much reason to speak about them.

Before asking, he warned me by saying I have something to ask and I hope it won’t offend you. I told him to go ahead. Then he asked me if he could take me in his arms (direct translation). I immediately said no and moved on to talking about something else. We were watching a programme on TV and the question came out of nowhere. This conversation all happened in French and the French language can seem unnecessarily intimate sometimes. We lived together, he was one of my flatmates. I reckoned he just wanted a hug but the way he asked, it came off as a bit creepy to me. Sometimes, you click with people and feel comfortable enough to hug each other, it never crossed my mind to hug this colleague.

One day, like every other time, I took a walk with another colleague, which was a normal thing. This one was my buddy, we got along very well. He was one of the ones I was comfortable with and would hug every now and then in greeting. He was quite excited on this day and was chatting away. When we got to the spot we wanted to reach, the view was beautiful. I stood admiring it then I felt someone hugging me from behind. It could only have been him as the other people around were not close enough. I was slightly confused as I stood there. Someone hugging me from behind suggests a few things to me. Unsure of what may have followed, I broke the contact by suggesting that we take a selfie. It worked. Afterward, he posed for me to take photos of him, and at that moment, I said a silent prayer to God, “please let there be nothing more, let it be that his excitement got him carried away”. As we walked back, we talked as usual but before we could go far, he apologised. He said he was sorry if his action made me uncomfortable. I was relieved and said it was okay especially as I didn’t want to walk back in awkward silence. Then I chided myself for not saying ‘if it happens again, that’s when we would have a problem’. But I think he was smart enough to know that.

I like to give people the benefit of doubt until they prove me wrong. In scenario A, I think the guy simply wanted a hug. Who knows, he may have been missing home, but I was not going to give him any ideas or take the place of his wife. In scenario B, I worked very closely with this person for over a year before this happened. If he were hitting on me, it would ruin everything at work. In the light of #metoo, were I to voice out any of these, it could have people’s fathers and husbands out of work. Which I would hate to be responsible for.

You might wonder why a hug is such a big deal. We work far from home, away from our families, under a lot of pressure. People easily get vulnerable and have so much pent up energy inside of them. In places like this, stories of sexual misconduct are not uncommon, so finding ways to protect oneself is always necessary. At the time these incidents took place, there was a certain fear that came over me and I wondered if there might be another incident as I saw these men every day. Unconsciously, I paid more attention to what I wore around the house. Society has a way of inculcating the idea in women that they are responsible for incidents of sexual assault or abuse. These incidents seemed trivial and I didn’t have much reason to speak about them.

I am lucky not to have any rape stories but I equally live in some sort of fear. I am a front-line worker, I work in the humanitarian world. This means we work in places where there is conflict/war. We work in rural areas and in the most insecure places to assist vulnerable people. We have to interact with people from armed groups and there are always some who have little or no respect for order.

The last time I was given a post-rape kit, I was told how to use the contents in case of rape while I’m out on the field. I was also given condoms as part of the kit. My colleague made light of it when he explained that were I to be faced with rape, I could try to talk the potential rapist into using the condom by saying I have HIV. I could see that that was his way of trying to make us at ease while he was struggling to have such a difficult conversation. I laughed at some point to help him but then the female colleague I was with shared a glance of understanding. The world has come to that point, so I always have my condoms in my bag since I’m on the field often! I try not to think of possible rape scenarios while I’m on the field, but it is one of the many risks that come with my job.

Sexual assault, abuse, violence has been on the rise in our dear country, or maybe we are just becoming conscious of how bad the situation is. It is infuriating to know that the perpetrators commit these acts and walk free. I think of how these women might have felt in the moments of their abuse and all I can think of is fear. Fear paralyzes the victim, it makes the victim shut up, it encourages self-blame and so many other things. For those who are unable to speak out, the burden is very heavy! It takes a lot of courage to speak up and we need to create an enabling environment for victims to feel safe, to come forward, and then necessary actions should be taken. Shaming rape victims, when they speak out, should not be condoned at all.

Society needs to stop covering people up because it only enables rapists. A wife trying to save her marriage, a sibling trying to protect a sibling, making excuses for the rapist… all these need to stop! This cover-up only sets the breeding ground for more rapists. We cannot get tired of speaking about this issue. We have a collective responsibility to call out and punish rapists, and to protect vulnerable people/victims when they eventually speak out.

About Ene Abah

Ene Abah is an adventure lover, naturalista, food lover, travel lover, writer and is particular about sending positive vibes to others. Some of her interests are in writing, travelling, reading and generally enjoying life. Ene’s writing has been published in Top Chic magazine, Imbue magazine and on Imbue’s website. She blogs at http://belletammy.blogspot.com.ng/ Follow her on Twitter @tammyabah and on instagram @belle.tammy

Source: Bellanaija

In self development July 6, 2020 By Editor

Five Things You Must Do If You Wear Makeup Everyday

Wearing makeup everyday without removing them properly tends to block skin pores causing constant breakouts and blemishes that dull and age the skin giving it a lackluster appearance.

For days when there’s no need to wear makeup, the skin should be cleansed, moisturized and left to breathe but if you must wear makeup, ensure to remove every bit of it and replenish the skin of the stripped moisture.

For ladies who tend to wear makeup everyday or often, note that these listed bits should be done often.

1. Deep cleansing

After using a makeup remover, take the residue off with a deep cleansing astringent or a facial wash that totally gets rid of leftover makeup to make sure the pores are thoroughly clean and closed.

Whether you wear a lot of makeup daily or every other day, this step is extremely important.

2. Exfoliation

Exfoliation essentially helps to reveal newer, softer skin by getting rid of dead skin cells that build up over time. When dead skin cells are not removed, the skin pores get blocked, it loses its shine and brightness so this is an essential part of skin routine and especially when you wear makeup often.

This can be done weekly to ensure the skin is not unnecessarily stripped of moisture.

3. Facials

Getting regular facials done by professionals is a must do periodically to make sure the skin stays in great shape. Opt for facials specially tailored to suit your skin; a professional is always in the best position to do this.

4. Serum (For rejuvenation)

In between getting the skin cleansed, treated catering to it overnight is also a must. Make sure that after the washes and cleansing every night, it’s replenished using products that work on it (the skin) even while you sleep.

5. Sun Protection

Whether you wear makeup daily or periodically, ensure you have sun protection always. Use moisturizers, makeup etc with enough SPF (sun protection).

Credit: pulse.ng

In self development June 22, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

#MondayMotivation| 7 Ways To Deal With Overbearing Clients

What is your best tip for dealing with overbearing customers/clients?The following answers are provided by Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC), invite-only organization comprised of the world’s most promising young entrepreneurs. In partnership with Citi, YEC recently launched StartupCollective, a free virtual mentorship program that helps millions of entrepreneurs start and grow businesses.

1. Use Your “Spa Voice”

I have this thing I’ve always used — whether it’s for angry friends, bosses or teachers — called my “Spa Voice.” I soften my speaking, acknowledge what they’re saying and don’t raise my voice in a way that could be at all misconstrued. Doing this not only calms them down, but allows you to have the upper hand against their complaints as you’re giving them no fuel for their fire. – Rob Fulton, Exponential Black

2. Kill Them with Kindness

The customer is always right, especially with a consumer facing product like ours. You sometimes get overbearing and demanding users, who either nitpick or are just not happy with anything you do. I find it best to agree and listen. Most of the time they are unhappy or disjointed about something that’s happening in their personal life and they are taking it out on you. So just grin and bear it. – Joseph DiTomaso, AllTheRooms

3. Just Start

Even if it’s small, just taking the first step with them is the most crucial part. – Wade Foster, Zapier

4. Keep Communication to Email

Unless it can be solved with a lightning quick phone call, keep the communication with the customer to email. Have an auto-reply only to that customer notifying that you check email three times a day, at 9 a.m., 12 p.m. and 4 p.m. This will manage their expectations and give them time to figure out the issues themselves. – Adam Stillman, SparkReel

5. Fire Them

I’m not one for customers that are overbearing and take up way more time than they should. If you’ve pulled all the stops and worked with them to the point of insanity, it’s time to fire them. In the beginning you can’t do this. But once you develop stronger relationships you can choose. Sometimes it’s not worth your mental capacity to deal with overbearing customers. – John Rampton, Host

6. Set and Enforce Boundaries

Just because someone calls you on the weekend doesn’t mean you have to answer the phone. Just because they email you at night doesn’t mean you have to respond right way. If someone acts inappropriately in a meeting or call, politely excuse yourself. And don’t be afraid to end the relationship if you need to. Clients like that can poison your whole business. – Mary Ellen Slayter, Reputation Capital

7. Be Assertive and Reassuring

Be honest about the work and intentions, all while being assertive to highlight that you won’t be pushed around. You have to be clear that you have expertise and experience in your work and reassure them that the end result will come out as planned. – Stanley Meytin, True Film Production

Credit: www.under30ceo.com