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self development

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I was at a wedding last Saturday. I love weddings, I think it’s romantic in a way. I was exceptionally happy because this wedding was a testimony and a proof that God never abandons his own. At some point, none of us – including the bride – was sure about the wedding anymore. We had almost given up because everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong.

Imagine a scenario where the wedding has been planned, the dates fixed, cards printed, every necessary item bought and then the wedding didn’t hold. That was exactly what happened, and it was traumatising to say the least. I won’t go into much details because I respect the privacy of the people involved. One thing I learnt from the whole thing though is that ‘what will be will be’ – if only the people involved are determined to make it work.

I believe that there is a woman for every man and vice versa. How and when one will meet his soulmate is entirely in the hands of our creator. My friend had gone through hell in the hands of men, and every time she gets hurt, I’d remind her that she was yet to find her soulmate. The search continued until one day she met ‘him’ her soulmate.

Everything clicked from the get-go. You could tell they were headed for the altar, and when he proposed, I smiled and said, ‘but I told you so’. When the wedding plans were hijacked and the couple were faced with all sorts of oppositions, she came crying to me. I reminded her that nothing good comes easy.

My friends, na so I turn to marriage counsellor oo. She would call me at odd hours, heartbroken and almost giving up. We would pray together and I would drop some words of advice. Honestly, every wedding period comes with its own peculiar challenges and that is why the couple need to be steadfast, prayerful and honest with each other at all times. That way, they can form a united front and face the challenges squarely.

Eventually, tired of the whole thing, the guy suggested a registry wedding, which seemed like a smart thing to do as that would calm all frayed nerves and soften all opposition. The notice she gave me was so short, literally less than 15 hours, but I was determined to make it – especially since I was going to be the witness at the occasion.
I moved every other thing I had to do that day and went to the registry to support my girl and I am happy everything turned out well. Seeing how gorgeous my friend looked, and how she and her husband smiled into each other’s eyes was enough consolation for the stress they have both passed through.

It’s such joy to marry someone you love. I believe that love is a key ingredient in marriage, and one needs lots of love to go through the institution of marriage. As I made a toast to the couple at the lunch table, I gave them a few words of wisdom and shared some of my experiences with them. The other guests, especially the married ones, also shared their own experiences at the table.
One thing I could tell was that this couple were determined to be happy against all odds and I couldn’t help but wish them all the best.

That being said, last Wednesday was my wedding anniversary. I must say I was spoilt beyond my expectations *wink*. We also took out time for a little tete a tete. Having such conversations is healthy for a relationship because it helps both parties to be on the same page and also recognise and appreciate the sacrifices each one is making to make the relationship work.
Marriage is not just a union, it’s also about selflessness and sacrifices and a mix of the good and bad. We can only pray for more good times and less bad times.

Source: Bellanaija

Someday, women will be paid the same as men for doing the same job. That day, judging from recent news, may not come any time soon.

Some of it, if not much of it, is the fault of employers. But is there any fault on the part of women?

An article from The Atlantic suggests that some women, particularly of older generations, may have inadvertently fed certain stereotypes about women in their quest to work in a man’s world. The story examined two women worker archetypes: the ideal and moral “Righteous Woman” and the catty and divisive “queen bee.”

The righteous Woman is an ideal based on the idea that since all women face sexism, they should be willing to fight for and form alliances with other women. However, the queen bee is based on the idea that women “just can’t get along” and comes from the thought that there is just something about a woman that will cause her to sabotage other women for her own gain, according to The Atlantic.

The two depictions, seemingly at odds, have in common that they perpetuate the double standard that conflict in the workplace and out between men is normal but between women is not, according to The Atlantic. This, despite studies that show men engage in female-associated, passive-aggressive behavior such as gossip and exclusion about as much or even more than women.

Other research suggests that queen bee identities emerge when a woman, who previously thought her gender was irrelevant to pay or performance, experiences gender bias and sees that coworkers view her as a woman instead of a person, The Atlantic stated. So to set herself apart, this woman adopts more masculine speech about herself, putting down other women in the process.

The Atlantic noted that a woman strongly identifying as a woman increased the likelihood of helping other women, as opposed to distancing herself from her gender.

Judith Williams, the global head of diversity at the file-sharing website Dropbox, told Black Enterprise that women should think about getting sponsors and mentors, which are people who will speak up for them when they’re not present and who will vouch that they have the capabilities to get a job done.

She also said that while there may be some basis in catty stereotypes of women, she suspects a lot of it is just based in perception.

Arianna Huffington, editor-in-chief of the Huffington Post, also gave some of her thoughts on how women in the workplace can be there for each other in a Huffington Post blog.

She said it’s important that female coworkers be there for each other, “not just during the big moments of obvious success or failure, but in all the small ways in which the workplace culture isn’t there for them.”

Huffington also tied the full integration of women in the workplace to the redefinement of what success means, getting away from money and power as markers, which indirectly if not actively advocates burnout and instead promote wellness of body and mind.

“You shouldn’t have to lose yourself to advance yourself,” said Huffington.

 

On a new episode of “Discovery with Glory”, the vlogger gets candid about friendship.

She says”

“Friendships add to the quality to our lives. Good friends tell us the truth, they make us laugh, keep us entertained, keep our secrets and help us stand when we can’t. Learning to celebrate our friendships and the roles they play in our lives is important. Over the years, I have made lifelong friendships and have seen just how important the roles my friends have played. That’s why I have come up with this list of 6 women we should all have as friends. Off course this list isn’t exhaustive, so please feel free to add your list in the comments section. You could also celebrate your friend today by sharing this video with her and letting her know which role she plays in your life or asking them to tell you which role you play!”

 

I am a young girl and I refused to run after men for money, rather I choose to work hard for all I want. How does that make me a boring person? What is so wrong in being different?

I am a young woman and I choose to use my brain, more than my beauty. How does that make me a dumb person? What is so wrong in being different?

I am a young, single mother because I choose not to cut short the beginning of a new generation through abortion, rather I choose to brave it all by keeping and raising my baby. How does that make me wayward, dishonest, and worthless? What is so wrong in being different?

I am a career woman in a male-dominated field and I choose not to be intimidated, rather I choose to stand firm and unshaken by intimidation and oppression. How does that make me arrogant and stubborn? What is so wrong in being different?

I am a woman ripe enough for marriage and I choose not to bow to society’s pressure and jump at any available man, rather I choose to wait for the imperfect but right man for me. How does that make me a foolish person? What is so wrong in being different?

I am a wife and I choose not to sit down all day at home waiting for ‘oga’ to come home and give me money for ‘maggi’, rather I choose to work side by side with ‘oga’ to bring in money to our family’s pocket. How does that make me less submissive? What is so wrong in being different?

I am a mother and I choose to not sit down and watch my children go hungry because our ‘daddy’ is selfish and not responsible enough to cater for our children, rather I choose to all sort of odd jobs to feed and clothe my kids. How does that make me wayward? Why am I being tagged as a ‘prostitute’ all because I go out all day and bring in money in the night? What is so wrong in being different?

I am a married woman but I choose to not sit and die as a result of the physical, emotional, verbal blows, I take everyday from ‘oga’, rather I choose to leave to save my life and sanity. How does that make me foolish, wayward, and insane? Why I’m I being mocked? What is so wrong in being different?

Alas! I have realized that people judge you, not because you are different, but because they themselves are not bold enough to break out of their comfort zone and be different for a change!

Alas! I have realized that you can never please everybody. You can never be happy while trying to please everybody! Only the Creator can be pleased! Be you, for you!

 

-Written by Lydia Oladejo.

 

 

As the world commemorates World Cancer Day, we join hands together with everyone who has felt the blight of this horrible disease. We continue to hope for a cure and pray that this scourge will be eliminated.

As a community, Women of Rubies chooses to join the fight against cancer and its deadly effects. In that light, we are proud to announce that On Air Personality, Adenike Oyetunde is launching Amputees United – an initiative to provide support for amputees.

Adenike is a cancer survivor who continues to live her life like it’s golden. We shared her story in 2016. {Click here if you missed it} Adenike lost her right limb as a result of cancer but she has managed to live a full and wholesome life – inspiring people daily through her story.

Through Amputees United, she plans to provide support to amputees. She writes about life has been in the 11 years since her diagnosis and the amputation of her right limb.
***
It has been eleven full years of living without the use of my natural right limb. And I’m wondering what if?

Honestly, I guess you’re wondering if I ever just hoped it all never happened.

I had, earlier on in my journey asked, what if? What if it never happened? What if it was all a dream, a very scary one too.

Yes, I had wished it was a dream. I had prayed to be woken up from that dream, but that hasn’t happened; at least not yet. I’m never shy of stating that. Oh please, don’t come at me with your ‘Christianese’. I miss my leg. I wish they were still together. I wish my hour glass frame *sneezes* was all together coordinated…See shape now!

What if, I never had to undergo the gruesome experience during chemotherapy?

What if my hair never had to fall?

What if my mum didn’t have to be humiliated, because, this one neighbor had made fun of her only child having one leg now?

What if I didn’t have to meet that one scary doctor, who I still believe may have had an interesting fetish, where all his girlfriends have one condition or the other? He clearly wanted to add me to his list.

What if I did I didn’t have to burden my friends to always pick me up, or drop me off after classes?

What if everyone didn’t have to scream at me, the first day I got on a bike?

What if the doctor who told me it was cancer, had been just a little nicer?



What if I didn’t have to watch my dad (my hero) cry, after we were informed?

What if we didn’t have to believe the hospitals weren’t sure with the diagnosis?

What if I didn’t have to waste so much time, and money moving from place to place, hoping the solution will come?

What if we didn’t have to finally see my leg get as large as a basketball, simply because we refused to amputate it?

What if we had the money to fly me abroad? Would my leg have been saved?


What if the government provided subsidized cancer treatments, and we didn’t run out of money as a family?

What if I didn’t need blood transfusion and that ex didn’t say no to donating blood?

What if it didn’t cost so much to have a limb made for me in Nigeria?

What if these limbs were as good as they look, at least, a number of them, now; back when I needed one?

What if I wasn’t denied access into banking halls, because of my prosthetic leg?

What if I didn’t get the stares, I didn’t get the many questions?

What if I didn’t get the – are you sure you will get married like this? Can you get pregnant?

What if I didn’t have to wear an attachment daily – my limb?

What if, after eleven years, I wasn’t just tired of wearing my limb?

What if you or your loved one, have been recently told that the only way out, will be to amputate that limb?

What if I didn’t have to fight the battle for my mental sanity all alone, by myself; for so many years unending?

I wouldn’t want them to go on this mental journey alone. I will love to help them wage through the storm, because honestly, I went through this, that I may help them on their journey.

We at the AMPUTEES UNITED INITIATIVE would love that you allow us hold hands together.

Let’s hold hands till you come to terms with your new reality.

Let’s hold hands, so you don’t have to suffer depression.

Let’s hold hands to inspire one another.

Let’s hold hands, so they know we can, despite our journeys.

And for this, my – what ifs, aren’t as valid, as they once seemed.

Please send us an email if you’ll like to join us on the journey. (Amputees ONLY) Please send your emails with your contact and stories.

Source: Bellanaija

The inspiring story of a new bride, Sarah, has been trending on social media since Saturday. Sarah is a 60-Year old bride who waited 30 years for “Mr. Right”. She never compromised on what she wanted and two years ago, her Mr. Right walked into her life.He proposed in 2016 and  the couple got married on Saturday.

The bride’s wedding dress vendor had quite an interesting story to share about meeting Sarah.

She wrote:

60 years old and a first time bride, as in she’s never been married…Dang! She looks good at 60!!….#goodgenes #healthyliving…I remember the first time we met and she told me her age…I was like #hollymolly!!! #abasi mbok…..#unbelieveable ……she went on to tell me how she’s been waiting for ‘Mr. right’ since when she was in her 30’s and he never came. And so two years ago, he finally appeared and proposed in 2016 …..#God is good…#delayisnotdenial. My dearest aunty Sarah…I celebrate with you and may God bless your union…. from @bridesnmoreikeja…. #itsnevertoolate….. more pictures of our youngest and latest bride in town coming

See more beautiful photos from the wedding below.

Picture credit : Bellanaija

Are you an entrepreneur in Nigeria, here are 7 funding programs you should know.

For many entrepreneurs around the world, access to financing is a major concern. In “Listening and Learning for Success – What Nigerian Women Entrepreneurs Need,” I describe the needs of women entrepreneurs in Nigeria. Amongst the top issues discussed, was finding methods to reduce the costs associated with doing business in Nigeria and the need for competitive interest rates on loan products. Many young entrepreneurs in Nigeria feel that they cannot start a business because they do not have access to the capital required, and those who have started a business feel that there is little to no access to capital to expand or move on to the next level. It is important to highlight the grants, competitions, and prizes available to entrepreneurs around the world. Some of these funding programs are annual, while others are a one-time event. This article aims to inform entrepreneurs living in Nigeria of seven (7) funding programs to know. Some of these government programs and private organizations seek to increase accessibility, equality, and transparency by supporting the growth, development, and sustainability of businesses in Nigeria.

  • The Government Enterprise and Empowerment Program (GEEP) – GEEP is an initiative of the federal government of Nigeria and Bank of Industry. The GEEP program offers a no-interest loan scheme with a one-time 5 percent administrative fee for costs. GEEP to date has disbursed 23,400 loans to artisans, traders, farmers and entrepreneurs across 13 states. You can make GEEP part of your success story by applying for funding here. http://www.boi.ng/marketreg/
  • The Lagos State Employment Trust Fund (LSETF) – this is an initiative of the Lagos State government. The mission of the fund is to create employment and wealth for all Lagosians. The fund wants to target 100,000 small to medium-sized enterprises (SMEs) by 2019. Through the fund, entrepreneurs receive a loan at 5 percent interest rate per annum. It is also important to note that 20 percent of SMEs in Nigeria call Lagos home. Participants of this program have received funding as high as 5 million Naira.
  • The Made in Nigeria Business Challenge (MINC) – this is an initiative of the Senate President, Bukola Saraki’s office. The challenge was created to promote nation building and to celebrate everything uniquely Nigerian. The ‘Made-In-Nigeria’ challenge provides entrepreneurs with locally sourced products a platform to connect with government officials, agencies and an opportunity to discuss how the Senate President can continue to support entrepreneurial efforts through policy changes and legislation.
  • The Tony Elumelu Entrepreneurial Program (TEEP) – is an initiative by the Tony Elumelu Foundation that provides a $5000 seed capital to enterprising young people with good ideas. TEEP requires its program participants to attend an intensive business training and mentoring course. To date, the program has reached a total of 51 African countries with an investment of over $ 4 million.
  • LoftyInc Capital Management (LCM) – is an initiative of Idris Bello and partners. The firm recently announced the launch of a new $25 million fund for African entrepreneurs, which will focus on early stage Africa-facing enterprises that leverage technologies to create social impact and tackle big problems.
  • The AWP Network – founded by Mary Olushoga is a platform powering business success for African entrepreneurs. The platform helps you to turn your ideas into a reality. What can you expect from visiting the site, you can: read a story about an entrepreneur, attend an event, learn how to apply for various business grants and competitions, how to pitch, write a business plan, create a pitch deck and be connected to experts from around the world.
  • Omojuwa Small Business Support Fund (SBS) – is the initiative of Japheth Omojuwa, chief strategist at Alpha Reach, the small business support fund provides grants ranging from 50,000 to 120, 000 naira to business owners in need of funding support. The purpose of the fund is to help young Nigerian entrepreneurs starting a business, it also provides existing businesses with the additional cash flow to move forward. The fund recently disbursed over 2 million naira to over 30 businesses. In addition, will help awarded entrepreneurs with website development services, media and professional support as well as business development training from volunteers.

Have more programs, organizations or firms that we should know about? Please share, email: mary (at) awpnetwork.com

Hello WORrior! Today is #WomanCrushWednesday and our Woman Crush is actress and singer, Stella Damasus.

Stella Damasus was born on April 24, 1978. She is from Benin city, Edo State, Nigeria. She is a Theater Arts graduate from the University of Lagos.

She started her career as a singer in Lagos State where she used to work as a studio session singer at Klink Studios owned by filmmaker, Kingsley Ogoro. She made her debut into Nollywood movie industry in 1992, in the film Abused. She shot into stardom with the movie Breaking Point, produced by Emem Isong. She has starred in over 60 movies.

Stella Damasus is the co-founder of 12radio and hosts two podcast shows. She has won a number of awards including, AMAA Awards, NEA, Golden Icons Academy Awards, etc.

 

Women Of Rubies celebrates you, dear Stella Damasus!