Skip to main content

Women of Rubies

Connect with us

Facebook Instagram Linkedin X-twitter Youtube
Menu
Become a Member
Menu
Join the Community
Category

self development

Category
In self development By

AKUDO ABENOGWE-ADEBAYO: ON CRUMBLING MARRIAGES…DON’T LIVE A LIE

Marriages are falling apart and that is no news. What is news is the way and manner at which the institution is breaking. Our forefathers clearly understood the purposes of marriage and placed optimum values on the marriage institution. These days, however, people have little or no respect for marriages.

I think people are more in love with the idea of getting married than the married life itself, and I stand to be corrected. Do you know the level of planning, excitement etc that women especially put into their wedding? The hair must be right, the makeup great, the outfits perfect, the venue wonderful, the food and drinks amazing, the music and entertainment outstanding. In fact, everything must be perfect. However, little or no plan is put into the marriage on how to face the expected challenges that comes with it. What often happens is that after the glitz of the ceremony, the day breaks and the challenges comes, you see the couple falter and give up even without trying.

Truth is, marriage is as hard as life. Life is hard, but you see us trying to survive and conquer all odds to be successful in life. But we hardly make such efforts to survive our marriages and conquer all odds to be successful at it. We give up and use every available excuses to defend ourselves. I will try to analyse the various angles to the recent breakup of the marriages of Tonto Dikeh and Ubi Franklyn, the best way I can, bearing in mind that there are three sides to a story, your side, my side and the truth.

Ubi Franklyn fell out with his acclaimed girlfriend Emma Nyra and went public with gory details about her, painting her black and him white. In the same process, he got engaged to Lilian Esoro and they went ahead and got married. Lilian Esoro was matured enough not to speak about Ubi and Emma Nyra’s controversy, but she married him because they were in love right? After their grand wedding, Lilian and Ubi would put up happy pictures and cryptic words showing them living their lives on social media. Meanwhile, there were were already cracks in the wall, and it finally happened few months after the birth of their son.
Lilian walked out of the marriage citing almost the same issues that Emma Nyra claimed she went through in her relationship with Ubi.
My question is, why make so much effort to show a façade on social media when it’s not the reality of that marriage?

Now, Tonto Dikeh got married to Olakunle Churchhill in a secret wedding that shocked everyone. While I gave kudos to her for managing to keep her relationship out of the public until they wedded, I was mostly impressed that she seemed to have turned a new leaf. What with all the inspirational and almost spiritual messages she would often post on her wall, her fans were ecstatic for her. I got a bit worried when she would post every little thing about her marriage on social media. She would write epistles on special occasions and eulogise her husband, calling him all sorts of nomenclatures and praising God for giving her such a loving husband. I felt that all was not well, and that it was a desperate attempt to cover up something and create a different picture from reality.

And suddenly the cookie crumbled, now Tonto is singing a different song. There has been accusations and counter accusations from both parties, the husband whom Tonto used to paint as a demi-god has now become the devil himself. The most funny of them all is Tonto’s recent claims that she lied on social media to paint her husband in a good light. That is absurd because we didn’t ask you if your husband was a saint or not, we didn’t even need to know if he was the perfect husband or not period!

A lot of responsibility of the marriage is placed on women, especially christians. This is because we are homemakers, we are builders, we are shapers. Remember that the Holy book says ‘whoever finds a wife finds a good thing’. It didn’t say a woman will find a husband. It is the man that will find a wife, and she will be a good thing to him.

Make no mistake ladies, we have roles to play in our men’s lives. We have the power and ability to build, shape and make our homes into what we want it to be. We shouldn’t give up on them just because there are issues, rather we should help them get the help they need as the case may be and if that doesn’t work we would know we tried our best.
Don’t waste so much energy displaying perfection on social media, and to the world… instead of building your home. It should be the other way round. Ask God for the ability to forgive all wrongs, conquer every challenge and survive the odds in marriage. Don’t live a lie; if your spouse sees your effort in making the marriage work, he/she will join you and you will both make sacrifices for the good of the home.

My 2 cents, see you next week.

Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo is a multiple award winner, with over 8 years in the media industry. She also hosts (Love Moments With Akudo) and is CEO of SATT Media, a content and media marketing company. She blogs at Akudosworld.
She is married with two adorable kids and loves Jesus with all her being. She is a TV addict, loves dancing and traveling, and a lil gossip now and then. Follow her on twitter@akudoabengowe or instagram@akuabengo

http://akudosworld.blogspot.com.ng/

About Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo

by
Keep Reading
In Career Gems By

HARVARD FOUNDATION HONOURS RIHANNA AS HUMANITARIAN OF THE YEAR

Rihanna received the 2017 Harvard University Humanitarian of the Year Award at Harvard University’s Sanders Theatre yesterday, on February 28, 2017, in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Rihanna was honoured because of her work in her native island of Barbados and the charities she has founded over the years, the Harvard Foundation for Intercultural and Race Relations.



During the ceremony, Rihanna thanked the university for the honor and delivered an inspiring speech.

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

OLAMIDE BALOGUN: 6 GOOD LIFESTYLE CHANGES TO ADOPT

Hello again everybody.

This month I am going to give you tips that will be useful. This is an excerpt of one of the seminars I have given. At the end there is also a testimonial from a mid fifties lady who has been on two of our challenges. Our challenges really try to replace bad lifestyle habits with good lifestyle habits. They are simple and very doable. We have another 30day challenge starting on the 1st of March. Email me at olamideb@awakenlifestyles.com if you want to join. Remember if you want to go fast, go alone; If you want to go far, go in a group.

1.Drink water

Our bodies are made up of 50-75% water and this decreases as we age. Besides helping us lose weight, water helps nutrition work, ⅔ of the water in our bodies is intracellular (inside the cells) and ⅓ is extracellular, which circulates between cells and inside organs, supplying nutrients and excreting waste.
Research shows that obese people who drank 2 cups of water before each meal over a 3-month period lost 5 pounds more than those who didn’t. 1 year later, the water drinkers had kept more of that weight off.

2. Sleep
How much you sleep AND the quality of your sleep will affect nearly every aspect of your daily life, so it’s important to get the sleep you need every night. Proper sleep is critical for stress management, weight and overall health.
Inadequate sleep leads to an increased chance of developing obesity by 23% with just 6 hours of sleep per night and 50% with just 5 hours per night, and 73% with 4 hours per night.
Lack of sleep disrupts circadian rhythms and can lead to inefficient body regulation of energy balance, metabolism, and appetite.
Abnormal leptin and ghrelin levels – hormones that tell your body “I’m full, stop eating” – can go away with too little sleep.
Said simply: Sleep more, eat, and weigh less! Strive for 7-8 hours of sleep each night.

Stress:
Increases The Hormone Cortisol and makes our bodies crave carbohydrates and increases appetite
Makes our bodies store fat around the midsection

We can gain weight even if we don’t eat more due to stress
Contributes to Major Illnesses like heart disease, depression, obesity and poor mental health

3. Exercise
Physical activity is defined as any bodily movement produced by skeletal muscles that requires energy expenditure.
Examples of exercise. Walking, jogging, cycling ,dancing , swimming.

Physical inactivity has been identified as the fourth leading risk factor for global mortality causing an estimated 3.2 million deaths globally.
From a health standpoint, exercise can be more beneficial than simply being at a healthy weight.
Besides burning calories, exercise is also important because when you exercise your body releases endorphins, which make you feel good and motivate you to eat well, do your job well and simply be happy
A growing body of evidence has shown that normal weight couch potatoes are more vulnerable to all causes of death, especially heart disease, than overweight people who exercise
Exercise for an exercise goal, not for a weight goal
Strive to be active at least 30 minutes every day to help keep your body strong and lean. Remember it doesn’t have to be expensive.

4. Eat Right
Feel empowered by putting the most nutrient rich foods in your body. When you focus on how good you feel when you fuel yourself with the best foods you will continue to be motivated to eat these foods.  The benefits from skin health to weight loss, and all that’s in between, will follow.

Eat Real Carbohydrates not processed food. Replace refined carbohydrates like bread, pasta, cereal, with complex carbohydrates like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and legumes. Complex carbs are also packed with antioxidants that help reduce inflammation in the body.

Eat healthy fats.
A common misconception is that fat should be completely eliminated. In reality, we could not live without fat. The body utilises dietary fat for energy, healthy hair, skin, nails, vitamin absorption, and normal everyday bodily functions. Good fats promote several health benefits such as protection against heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer’s, depression and it can reduced blood pressure and lower cholesterol. Choose sources such as nuts, seeds, fish, avocados, and extra virgin olive oil.

Eat lean protein
Our bodies require protein to continuously renew and replenish our cells, stabilise our blood sugar, and give us energy.  Our bodies are literally made out of the amino acids that make up protein in our food.
Many foods contain protein, but the richest sources include animal products like meat, dairy, eggs, and fish as well as plant sources like beans, quinoa, nuts, and seeds.
Fruits and vegetables are high in fiber, which slows digestion and promotes stable blood sugar levels.

Eat Breakfast
By eating a hearty breakfast, you’ll give your metabolism a jumpstart and be in better control of your cravings.
When we miss our first fuel of the day, we are often hungry by mid-morning and more likely to engage in mindless nibbling, snacking, overeating, and over compensating for any calories “saved” by skipping breakfast.  Studies repeatedly show daily breakfast consumption is associated with maintaining a healthy weight.

Eat at regular times
It’s important to balance your food intake throughout the day to help maintain normal blood sugar and decrease the chances of binging when hunger strikes.
Keep track of what you eat. Try to avoid frying foods by learning how to roast or bake, and eat more raw foods to boost flavor and cut calories. Also try experimenting with herbs and spices to reduce salt intake. The healthiest foods are those found just as nature intended – whole and unprocessed. When was the last time you saw an ingredient list on a stalk of vegetable or a fresh fish

5. Live Deliberately

Our surroundings impact our mental and physical healthy. Improve your work and home environments:
■ A clean and organized work space increases employee productivity
■ Keep a clean and organized bedroom
■ Have a designated place for everything
■ Label items and folders
■ Use plants to help circulate air

6.Nurture and pamper yourself

Treating yourself to something special can have great emotional and physical impact
Time spent caring for yourself is valuable: massage, bubble bath, manicure , etc.

It is obvious that many things need to be in sync for us to be in optimum health. Don’t worry, it is like driving. When you don’t know how to, it seems difficult but when you know how to, it is very easy. These are general guidelines and the specifics may differ from person to person.

Testimonial from KI
Where do I start? I guess back to 2013 with my Cambridge diet. So I had a nice round happy face and weighed 92kg. A comfortable size 18 and then shirts started gaping at the bust line and skirts began to get snug and would ride up and crease all day long. Had heard of Cambridge but thought, too drastic!

However I really needed to shed the weight, so I dove in. Good results, because 6 months later, I was 75kg, my target weight. And down to size 14 and happy as a lark. This was April 2014. I could swear by Cambridge and mocked everyone who put the weight back on. I told them to eat right…but did I know what eat right was? I had dropped a few bad habits, but did I really know what was bad for me?? I thought bread, cakes, sweets….I was right, but didn’t know the whole story.

So come October 2016, I was 79.6kg. Praised myself though that I had done well to keep of the 17kg that I’d lost but couldn’t seem to shed the 4.6kg. Tried all kinds of diets, would drop 1kg put back 2Kg. Yo-yoed for a while. Got myself the Cambridge products and couldn’t seem to muster up the will power past 1 week. Had tossed out all big sizes, so dilemma! My size 14 clothes were tight. The first 2-3kgs you gain, your clothes are still fine. I was up almost 5kg and miserable.

So my lifestyle change started when I received the GET.IT.TOGETHER 30 day weight adjustment challenge flyer. My motivation? I needed to lose weight – 5kg. I’d seen LB’s physical change and believed something must be right here. I also liked the idea of weight adjustment…not diet!

So along came the 1st lesson, before takeoff…No flour, no sugar. I have preached that to everybody who cares to listen. That’s the starting point and we can keep whatever weight off by simply cutting out on these two “killers”.
Week 1 menu and after the 1st week I weighed in minus 2kg. Compared it to my Cambridge plan, then I weighed in minus 2.7kg but no food…only porridges, shakes and soups.

I was thrilled to high heavens. Because that 1st week, I had era, I had sweet potatoes, I had salads, chicken, fish, boiled eggs/omelets! And lost 2kg! First real diet where I was eating and losing weight. I was hooked.

My work takes me all over the place, hotels, flights…and complained to LB that the weight wasn’t dropping off as I hoped. Got my next vital lesson. Sleep! Nothing is going to happen if I didn’t get enough sleep…if I didn’t drink enough water….and throw in some physical exercise. Not to mention eating your food fresh!
I have since made so many adjustments with the varied food plans, cut out all the processed food, and seasoning with garlic, salt and ginger. Throw in the lifestyle seminar and that’s a real winner.
What more can I say? I’m down to 71.3kg after 2+months and I’m heading to a new target 70kg, to get my BMI as close to Normal as possible.

LB has been a super health coach, listening, advising and helping us make the necessary adjustments. The most fun part is get on your scale and take a photo of your weight! You can’t cheat…it’s distant coaching and I’ve encouraged a number of people to get on the challenges and they can see, feel and are living the results.

Olamide Balogun

About Olamide Balogun

Olamide Balogun (LB) is a wife of one man , a mother, a mentor and personal coach, a Human Resource consultant,
a minister of God, a friend , a confidant and many more. She trained as a lawyer and now runs an HR Consulting firm and manages furnished offices to let. LB spear headed the registration of an NGO that has adopted a school with over 2000 children in premises that has no water, electricity or toilets. LB has a passion for imparting knowledge and also for wellness and optimum quality lifestyle. Follow me at catapultbylb.wordpress.com

Source: Bellanaija

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

CHIDIAIDI MADUMERE: ARE YOU CONSIDERING SPONSORSHIP MARKETING FOR YOUR BUSINESS? 6 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU DO IT

In today’s world, a CEO or business owner needs to scrutinise how their marketing spend is impacting on their overall business growth.

Buying signage at the Olympics can be exciting. You get to go to the games, entertain customers, but does the investment translate into more business? Being a title sponsor at a polo charity event can make you feel good, but are you able to leverage it effectively? Or how about sponsoring a music event? It’s great music and fun times, but does it help the bottom line? If you are simply putting up a sign and you don’t have the time to devote to leveraging the event, then it’s a waste of money. You may as well kiss your hard-earned cash goodbye.

Since 2008, sponsorship marketing (sports, arts, cause or event) has slowed due to the economy and as more businesses question what they get for their investment. The focus of any marketing spend, including sponsorships, should be the “Return on Investment”.

1) What is your target audience and what types of activities are most appealing to them?

Knowing this will help you determine the type of sponsorship program that makes the most sense for your firm or brand. For example, if your firm manufacturers a product that is mostly used by moms for their children, then look for activities that appeal to those moms. In some cases, although the mom is the purchaser, the person who actually uses the product is the child or the spouse. In this example, you need to focus your sponsorship spend on your end user and they will influence the purchaser (mom). Or in the case of business to business, your target may be the person who signs the contract for your firm’s services or it might be the person who place the orders.

2) What type of marketing sponsorships does your competition engage in?

Evaluating how your competitor is spending their marketing budget will help you better understand the playing field. It also provides you insight on whether key sponsorship opportunities are still available. Typically sponsorships have a “non-compete” clause when it comes to companies in the same industry.

3) What is your overall marketing communication plan for your business & where does sponsorship marketing fit into it?

You should create a strategic plan each year, which should include your brand’s communication objectives.  During this process, you should be able to determine whether a sponsorship fits into your short and long term plans.

4) What are your specific sponsorship objectives?

It is critical to determine your objectives up front and ensure everyone is aligned. Your objectives might include driving awareness for your products or services, increasing your firm’s community involvement (CSR), capturing sales leads, increasing brand loyalty, driving retailer traffic, etc.  Every objective should be measurable and include specifics around timing and deliverables.

5) Which sponsorship program best supports your brand or business?

Evaluating which sponsorship program to pursue should be done in conjunction with your overall business / brand and sponsorship objectives, your target audience alignment with the sponsorship audience, the sponsorship cost, how you can effectively activate the sponsorship across channels (i.e. consumer, retailer, sales force, distributor and internal teams), and how the event can be leveraged to build the business over the short and long term.

The sponsorship you select should build equity in your brand (or business).  Ideally you should look to identify a space that your brand (or business) can “own” that aligns with your equity message.  For example, Nike sponsors top athletes across the globe, which supports their brand message of inspiring athletes around the world.

6) What is the sponsorship’s Return on Investment?

At the end of the program, it is critical to evaluate the return on investment based on the established sponsorship objectives.  This analysis can be done internally, or through an outside marketing research firm specializing in sponsorship evaluation.  Some metrics to analyze include: sales activity, lead generation, lower customer acquisition cost, attitudes toward the brand or firm, response to sponsorship or event related promotions or ads, and TV logo exposure, if applicable.

The key to managing sponsorships is ensuring you get the “best bang for the buck”, while minimising risk to your brand or business. So, whether you are a title sponsor for a major event, or a smaller sponsor at a local event, setting your objectives, ensuring you have the right sponsorship partner, leveraging the association beyond just a sign, will yield better business in the long run

About Chidiadi Madumere

Chidiadi Madumere is the CEO/FOUNDER of Black Purist Media Limited, an integrated communications agency with a team of expert consultants offering a 360 marketing communications solutions and professional writing to individuals, start ups and global companies within the Sub-Saharan African Market. 

Follow: @blackpuristmedia
Email: chidiadi@blackpurist.ng, 0909 999 1035, www.blackpurist.ng

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

ESTHER IJEWERE : EMBRACE YOUR FREEDOM

Freedom is an amazingly powerful part of life. Some of us have it all and some of us wish we had more, but we all have the most important freedom of all.

According to Dr. Viktor E Frank , “The last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” –

How often have you stopped to think about how free you are?

Today and everyday forward, I encourage you to embrace what we have at our fingertips. Make the below a part of your everyday life and allow yourself to live freely.

What makes us, as humans, free?

We are free to smile, laugh and play to our hearts content.

We are free to have an idea and create a career out of it.

 We are free to spend time with the people we love.

We are free to read and learn and to use our knowledge to teach and help others.

We are free to be as healthy and treat our bodies with as much respect as we want.

Every person in this world is free to choose their thoughts. We are all free to choose the meaning we give to life’s occurrences. No matter our circumstances, however wonderful or terrible, no one can take our freedom to choose our reactions to what life throws our way.

Life will not always go right. In fact at times it may feel like it’s gone terribly wrong. That’s all part of the journey. It is during these crucibles that it is on each of us to choose the meaning that most serves our life situation.

Choose your thoughts wisely. They are the only thing that can’t be taken away.

What do you do to feel free on a daily basis? What empowering meanings do you give to your experiences? Share in the comments section below.

 

Twitter & Instagram – @estherijewere

Facebook – Esther Ijewere

Email: Esther@womenofrubies.com

 

 

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

#WCW: CELEBRATING THE QUEEN OF VISUALS, KEMI ADETIBA!

Hello WORriors! Today is #WomanCrushWednesday and our Woman Crush is the fierce, talented, and extraordinary Kemi Adetiba!

Kemi Adetiba is a Filmmaker, Music videos, and television director. She was born in Lagos on January 8, 1980.  While growing up, she headlined two nation TV commercials for detergent brand, OMO. She started out professionally in the media world as a radio presenter with Rhythm Fm 93.7. She switched over to producing and presenting shows on television, including Studio 53, Temptation Nigeria, Soundcity TV, and Maltina Dance All. She got interested in filmmaking and enrolled into the New York Film Academy to hone her skills.

Kemi’s short film Across a Bloodied Ocean was screened at the 2009 Pan African Film Festival and National Black Arts Festival. Her very first feature film, “The Wedding Party”, a Nigerian romantic comedy film, got premiered opening night, at the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF), as the opening film of the City-to-City Spotlight, on September 8, 2016, and  also premiered on November 26, 2016 at Eko Hotel and Suites in Lagos. The film is a total groundbreaking film.

She has also directed lots of award winning music videos including, Last Bustop -Niyola, My Darling -Tiwa Savage, Sitting On The Throne -Olamide, Anifowose -Olamide, Toh Bad -Niyola, Tease Me -Wizkid, If I Die -Dagrin, Aduke -Tjan, Ekundayo -TY Bello, Today Na Today -Omawumi, among others.She has also been nominated and won lots of awards.

Women Of Rubies celebrates you, Kemi Adetiba. Keep winning!

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

TAMMY KYNE : 8 QUALITIES THAT MAKE GUYS FALL IN LOVE WITH WOMEN

Being beautiful is undoubtedly important, but it isn’t everything. A girl who is not so good-looking still can have many guys falling for her. The secret to attracting guys is not just being beautiful, as it definitely requires more than that.

The following traits make women desirable in the eyes of men:

  1. Your dress sense

Boys love women who are well-groomed, so take advantage of this. Girls often are confused about what to wear on their date so that their guy won’t be able to resist praising them. Wear something that is tasteful and looks great on you whenever he is around. A girl with a good dress sense knows how to look beautiful, as well as casual.

The common belief that whoever loves you won’t judge you is not true always. Wouldn’t you feel disappointed if your guy dressed in an untidy manner?

2. A tempting fragrance

Let your fragrance work for you when you say goodbye to him with a hug. Guys love it when their girl smells great. Spray the perfume on your wrists, around the neck, behind the ears and under the collarbone to ensure your fragrance lasts.

You can wear different fragrances on different occasions. Buy a variety of perfumes and see which works best for you. Luckily, you don’t have to step outside your home to buy them. With several fragrance e-stores available, you can grab great online deals on perfumes. Purchase an invigorating perfume and make it hard for your crush to resist the attraction.

3. High emotional IQ (EQ)

Being a girl, it is often expected that you will have deep emotions. That doesn’t at all mean that you fill your eyes with tears every time you hear a sad story, though. A woman with a high emotional IQ (also known as EQ) can encourage and inspire her man whenever he needs motivation. She will say the right things at the right time, instead of creating unnecessary drama.

4. Smile a lot (of course, not unnecessarily)

Guys go crazy for a girl’s smile. Your smile should be genuine and sweet. Don’t force a smile- otherwise, your guy may think of you as a freak. Also, when you are with him, give him all your attention and laugh at his jokes. Show him that you are happy with him. He will do the rest.

5. Debate with him and don’t lose it

An attractive, vacuous girl will be interesting only for a few hours. Most men want a girl who possesses knowledge of world affairs and can debate with them logically. Genuine guys actually love it when you show them that you have a high IQ.”

6. Don’t be judgmental

If you don’t like something about your crush, you can share your honest opinion with him. At the same time, don’t insult him for it and don’t make an issue of it. Having an opinion is good but being rude or negative about it is not appreciated.

7. Don’t show him that you are all his

Even if you want him very much, let him work hard for it. Don’t try too hard to please your guy, because otherwise he will take you for granted. Spend time with him and make sure that he starts liking you too before you express your love for him. Knowing how to make a guy chase you works wonders in your favor.

8. You should be passionate about something

Having a hobby and being passionate about it impresses guys. Girls with hobbies such as surfing, golfing, and driving really make men crazy for them. The common belief that says ‘men cultivate hobbies, women cultivate relationships’ is not true anymore.

9. Be kind to others

Needless to say, this is very important. Talk politely to everyone and be warm to others. This is important not just for impressing your guy, but also for the sake of humanity.

Source: Lifehack.org

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

CISI EZE: EVERY WOMAN IS A PROSTITUTE

“I knew that my profession had been invented by men, (…) men force women to sell their bodies at a price, and that the lowest paid body is that of a wife. All women are prostitutes of one kind or another.” – Nawal el Saadawi’s “Woman at Point Zero”.

Prostitution is “engaging in sexual activity with another person in exchange for money or other valuable goods.” Prostitution is sex trade. It is between two parties. Why do we denigrate only one party?
If there were no buyer, would there have been a seller? This goes both ways.

Society grooms girls to see romantic relationships as a source of income while teaching men to see income as a source of romantic relationships. We should not pretend an AVERAGE Nigerian girl does not go into romantic relationships for money.

Some guy once tweeted about a girl he asked on a date. It turned out the girl asked for “hair money” before the date.

“I’m broke,” a girl says.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” her friend asks and goes on to say, “My boyfriend does not miss it. He sends me 40k every month.”

How did having a boyfriend become an occupation? As I often say, Prostitution, like blue, has several hues.

Having sex with my boyfriend, a man that pays for my weaves and all that, does not make me different from that woman that sleeps with different men to get money to pay for her weaves and all that. Is it because she sleeps with different men? (Are humans naturally monogamous? If you are bringing in religion into this, aren’t we all fornicating? Is it not the same eternal damnation?  People that claimed they went to school still believe “the vagina gets loose” after “too much sex”. Really, they should read and re-educate themselves.)

Most men believe it is their duty to cater to their ADULT girlfriends and wives. I am yet to understand why a physically fit adult has to cater to another physically fit adult. I could easily decide to get married this year – I’d call any of the men that think they are in love with me and I’d say I’m now interested in getting married and become a trophy wife. Does a boy, my age mate, have the same choice? Would he not face ridicule for being a trophy husband? I live in a society where a girl tweets, “What is your role as a boyfriend if you can’t provide everything your girl wants?” Do we hold girls to the same standard?

One of the foci of gender equality, a.k.a feminism, is getting rid of double standards in all aspects of human life. People, regardless of their sexes, should be held to the same standards in ALL aspects of life. Until we get rid of the double standards in respect to how the sexes view romantic relationships, I am afraid female sexuality would remain a currency.

Women should stop feeling entitled to men’s money – we should stop viewing romantic relationships as moneymaking ventures.

Men should stop feeling responsible for women. They should stop seeing money as a way to “find love”.

There is no point getting sanctimonious in the presence of sex workers if we believe men are obligated to cater to women while women are to be catered to. That would make us hypocrites.

P.S.
I love you… but you are a prostitute if your main aim in that romantic relationship is to make money off your “bae”.

You enable prostitution if you feel you NEED money to get love, affection, and sex from a woman in the guise of “romantic relationship”. “I need money to impress her…” Bro, swerve!

P.P.S.
The Functionalist School of Thought in sociology believes prostitution is beneficial to society. You could read that up on your own. Often, I ask myself what makes prostitution different from plumbing. They both render services. Is it because of sex? What is this thing about sex?

P.P.P. S.
Do you look down on sex workers because “it is morally and spiritually wrong”?  Do you realise you have a habit that is “morally and spiritually wrong”? It could be that you’re signing into the office at the wrong time. A lie is a lie even when coated with white. So, calm down. If sex workers want to go to hell, let them go to hell in peace. Are they affecting you negatively in any way?

P.P.P.P.S.
I am in awe of women that have put a price on themselves – they have not let people put a price on them. Cheers to every woman that has understood society has made our sexuality a currency. Do you think it is easy sharing yourself with people? All that courage! At times, I wish I could bend myself in a way I would not mind trading my sexuality with a man for money. Men seem to have more money. Cher Dieu, mais pourquoi! Those of us not trading our sexuality for money should start asking ourselves if we lack business acumen.

Photo Credit: Jason Stitt | Dreamstime.com

Cisi Eze

About Cisi Eze

Cisi is a freelance writer and 2D animator. To kill boredom, she reads anything and everything in sight. Cisi wants to bring positive social change in Nigeria by provoking people to rethink and reconsider certain beliefs they have clutched to their chests like it were a medal. She aims to do this through every form of art at her disposal. Cisi lives in Lagos, Nigeria

Source: Bellanaija

by
Keep Reading
High paying jobs in Canada
In self development By

KEY CHALLENGES FACED BY MODERN FEMALE LEADERS

Being a female leader in the modern day comes with its own unique set of challenges. Many of the challenges come from other people, the society and female leaders themselves – how we navigate through these issues is very important in a modern world

Being ‘too’ aware of gender: Most female leaders walk into leadership positions being overly aware of their gender as a barrier. I dare say there are great leaders- period. Gender is not a pre-requisite to great leadership. Female leaders need to embrace their knowledge, skills, diversity and just lead.  No apologies for being great individual.

Society Definition of Success: There is an enormous pressure to perform well while in a leadership position because of the societal pressure that suggests that everything the female leader does is representative of the female gender.  The pressure also implies that the female leaders’ actions determines how much opportunity other women get.

Clare Booth Luce once said ‘If I fail, no one will say she doesn’t have what it takes. ‘They will say, ‘Women don’t have what it takes. Society needs to start accepting women as capable to accomplish anything. Success should not be dependent on what gender you are.

Reality of Other Responsibilities – Work versus Family: Female leaders wear multiple hats: the wife hat, motherly hat, the sister, the child and so on. Dealing with the pressure of raising kids and having a stable career is a real issue female leader’s face. Women arguably have greater demands outside of work competing for their attention. Generally, women tend to compete better at the junior levels. However, as they progress to middle levels with heavier work demands and higher travel frequency, they tend to leave to focus on family or pursue part-time work or other endeavors. Another challenge is the ability to get attractive career opportunities inspite of maternity breaks. The effect is that the pool of female leaders for top jobs gets smaller.

Stereotyping and Leadership Style: Female leaders are often referred to as stereotyped. They can be accused of being / called emotional when it may just be being passionate and on the other hand a risk of being perceived as being overly controlling and confrontational. As Forbes recently noted, “Studies show that assertive women are more likely to be perceived as aggressive and that women usually don’t ask for what they deserve. When they do, they risk being branded as domineering or, worse even, “ambitious.”

Being Authentic – in a different element: In a predominantly male environment, female leaders are faced with male dominated discussions that makes them feel odd and may lead to being treated differently. There is a lot of distractions to make female leaders dwell on what makes them different meanwhile everyone is judged by their results. Female leaders are however still faced with the need to stretch their experience from a functional background to a broader base.

Limited access to Female Role Models and Female Leadership Groups: Many people prefer to have mentors of the same gender because they tend to understand the challenges most commonly faced. Sometimes, the needs of women from their mentors also tend to differ from the needs of men. There is a need for more encouragement, a role model to follow, and someone who have faced similar challenges to talk. Also female strong social networks also represent a tremendous, untapped opportunity that can be leveraged on.

Globalization: Mobility is very key in a modern world. Female leaders are faced with challenges that comes with relocation as they move higher. Globalization presents many new barriers for women.

The reality is that, historically, men have been the ones to define ambition and leadership in the business world but women have come a long way into being represented in top leadership. What make a female leader strong will remain the natural abilities that is brought into leadership — a concerted/collaborative style, ability to multi-tasks, a talent for listening, and a natural ability to manage interpersonal relationships – what will keep it going on top of this skills will remain the ability to being authentic to oneself.

Supports Leadership Programs can provide:

Platform for Leadership Coaching

Bringing out the authentic side in leadership.

Navigate through adjusting into a new culture with my move to the UK from Africa.

Staying ahead despite multiples roles at home and at work.

Abimbola Siyanbola is a Director with a Global Multinational FMCG. She is very passionate about transformation initiatives that will support young leaders build confidence and leadership capabilities to succeed in a dynamic world. Abimbola likes to write, travel, watch a boxing or a football match.

Source: Mrsceonaija

 

 

 

 

 

by
Keep Reading

©2026. WomenofRubies. All Rights Reserved.