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STEPAHNIE DAILY: BEATING OR CHEATING: WHAT IS A DEAL BREAKER?

First of all, I think this question is ridiculous! None should be acceptable in a relationship.

However, I’ve been noticing this question trending on a couple of platforms and just recently, someone asked me the same question.

It’s quite sad that women are mostly on the receiving end of this. Statistics show that women are most often the victims of domestic violence in relationships, and they are also the ones who get cheated upon most times. The fact that this question is even being considered in the first place goes a long way to show that we as women need to do more in empowering ourselves financially. We must also build our confidence and self-esteem, and tell ourselves (including our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends) that we shouldn’t just wholeheartedly accept such undesirable treatment simply because we are women.

I do not really want to go into a rant about this, but this is how I feel.

How about you? What are your thougths on this topic?

Source: http://www.stephaniedaily.com/beating-or-cheating-what-is-a-deal-breaker/

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5 FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO WERE REJECTED BEFORE ACHIEVING SUCCESS

Many times, we think that famous and successful people achieved success overnight or that they got it handed to them on a platter of gold. That’s absolutely wrong! In most cases, people who achieved success failed several times before. What makes them stand out however is the fact that they did not give up even after being rejected.

Today, I’d like us to encourage ourselves with the stories of these 5 famous people, with the hope that their remarkable stories would inspire us:

  • Walt Disney was fired from the Kansas City Star in 1919 because, his editor said, he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”
  • Oprah Winfrey was fired as an evening news reporter because she couldn’t keep her emotions from her stories.
  • Elvis Presley was told by the concert hall manager at the Grand Ole Opry that he was better off returning to Memphis and driving trucks.
  • Henry Ford went broke five times with his early businesses which all failed.
  • Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was four, and couldn’t read until he was seven.

Today, their success stories are being celebrated all over the world because they dared to try again.

Do you have any other success story you want to add? How do you encourage yourself when you’re feeling rejected?

 

Source: http://www.stephaniedaily.com/5-famous-people-who-were-rejected-before-achieving-success/

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234 FINANCE: STEPS TO CONSIDER BEFORE EXPANDING YOUR BUSINESS

It is a rule of thumb that most African start-ups fail within five years of operation. Not all businesses around the world thrive for up to two years, and the recorded 80% start-up demise has been as a result of failed or inadequately structured expansion. In other words, most businesses within the sphere of ‘failed start-ups’ (Small and Medium Scale Enterprises – SMEs) missed it at the point of expansion, folding up after only a few months into a seemingly good business venture.

Clearly, it appears that almost every start-up is gearing towards expanding their business. It is a venture that most entrepreneurs look forward to. However, there are underlined rules to this game and essential considerations to be made.

Certain realization should accompany management’s decisions when considering moving a business to the next level, or when it comes to expansion –  either by the introduction of a new line of product and service, or an extension of an existing one.

Essentially, adequate research, planning and proper implementation are the backbones of any successful expansion consideration for small businesses.

The first reality that entrepreneurs must come to terms with, before embarking on any form of expansion, is that it is not automatic, neither is it a free meal ticket to financial boom and freedom. The notion of making quick money or more profit, must be suspended for a while.

It is also important to undertake a thorough investigation of the new course, the clime, the target market, cost implications in all ramifications: financial capability and readiness, production, location and equipment, if need be.

It is usually advisable to undertake the expansion in stages, because over-enthusiasm and unfounded theories by entrepreneurs in small and medium scale enterprises have led them to liquidation.

Expansion involves increased overheads, and if your business cannot cushion the effect internally, it can lead to an untimely fold-up. A thorough analysis and understanding of all factors involved in the process is important, in order to withstand unforeseen or anticipated challenges from competition, target market, market trends etc.

Finally, a good internal management culture and sustainability structures must be in place… in case the project becomes more successful than the company can handle.

Furthermore, a concrete internal system for checks and evaluation must be in place to measure progress and correct errors.

Are you ready to proceed with this?

Photo Credit: Gstockstudio1 | Dreamstime.com

About 234Finance

234Finance.com is an online hub that promotes African Entrepreneurship. We provide free resources, share opportunities and events that entrepreneurs can benefit from and thrive in Africa’s tough business landscape.

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Source: Bellanaija

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TAMMY ROSIJI : 9 SIGNS YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP

Even if you hit a roadblock in your relationship, these 10 tips will tell you if you’re on the right track.

Crisis can come upon couples unexpectedly and rattle even the most solid of relationships. No matter how smitten you are with your honey, doubt may creep into your mind, clouding your vision of a perfect match. So how do you really know if this relationship is right for you? Here are a few ways to find out:

  1. Moral support

When your friends and family want to see you and your partner together, there is something to savor. Sometimes outside perspective is needed to see things you are too close and emotionally invested in to appreciate or view clearly. Don’t base the value of your relationship on the opinion of others, but listen to the voices you love and respect.

  1. Fair fights

When a fight does break out, it’s a clean one. Your arguments work toward resolving issues and solving problems while still appreciating each other’s feelings and needs.

  1. New issues

Your issues are new issues. Past problems actually get worked out and don’t come back up to bite you. Old resentments don’t get brought up in new arguments, and old dirt doesn’t get thrown around in current conversations.

  1. Hard work

You’re both willing to put in the work. You jump into action without skipping a beat, and you work on an issue until it’s over. No hesitations.

  1. Growing together

You and your partner are evolving together emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Growing closer is easy and a natural course of your relationship.

  1. Major change

You are both naturally changing for the better because you are happier being who you are this new way. Not because he asked you to change, and certainly not to keep him. Maybe you never wanted children, and now you can’t wait to be a parent with your partner. Or maybe he always needed his space, and now being away from you feels incomplete.

  1. Life partners

You don’t see yourself or your life without him. And you know he feels the same way.

  1. The L-word

“Love” rolls off the tongue effortlessly. You can’t imagine not saying it; that would hurt too much. You need to say it, you want to say it and it brings you joy. And it’s the same for him.

  1. Spiritual connection

There’s just something cosmic that pulls you two back together when you drift apart. It’s unexplainable. But it’s there. And it’s always for the better for both of you.

Love is blind

You don’t see anyone else as a potential partner, and you’re not interested in building any kind of connection with another. No one comes close to the amazing person you have. Physical attraction may pop in and surprise you, but the desire for intimacy or emotional connection doesn’t develop.

Knowing when you are right where you should be can be difficult in the midst of it. Hindsight may be 20/20, and if you’re the type that doesn’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, keep your eyes open and see what blessings you have in your love. Let this list encourage you to keep going and keep the faith when the road gets rough and blue skies go gray. You can build a beautiful home for yourself and your family when you appreciate everything and everyone in it.

 

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4 WAYS YOU ARE UNKNOWINGLY DESTROYING YOUR WIFE AND KILLING YOUR MARRIAGE

What you don’t know CAN hurt you. These five things are hurting your wife and killing your marriage.

It’s tough being a man these days. Modern men are expected to be sensitive, caring and in tune with their feelings; while at the same time they’re still expected to be strong, protectors and able to fix anything that breaks. Men can’t be too sensitive or they’re not being good enough protectors. On the other hand, they can’t be too protective or else they’re not being sensitive enough.

As men, we try to navigate this balance between being caring and being strong. And because it can be such a fine line, there are a lot of times we fail. And there are things we do that are hurting our wives and killing our marriages. Here are five:

  1. Not providing the basics for the family

As a man, it is your responsibility to provide for your family, regardless of whether or not your wife works. Sometimes this means working a few overtime shifts so your kids can sign up for that baseball league. And sometimes this means biting your lip when your boss is being a jerk because you need the stability for your family. But it makes it all worth it when you come home at night and see the smiles on everyone’s face.

  1. Pessimism

Ever since you were a kid, you were taught to, “Man up,” and, “Don’t cry,” just to accept the fact that bad things just happen in life. While this is good advice sometimes, your wife also needs you to be an optimist. Your relationship will need to rally from all kinds of challenges, failures, hurt feelings and health problems. Your wife doesn’t need someone to tell her to stop crying, she needs a shoulder to cry on.

  1. Withholding physical affection

Yes, men do this, too. Physical affection is more than just sex. It includes giving her hugs before you leave for work, holding her hand in the aisle at the grocery store and pulling her close to you when you’re watching a movie on the couch together. If you’re withholding these things from her, you’re withholding physical affection that she thrives on. The affection you try to show inside the bedroom will never make up for the physical affection you show her outside the bedroom.

  1. Putting other things first

Of the hundreds of girls you knew and dozens that you dated, your wife was the one you picked to spend the rest of your life with. She needs to know that you still pick her. Every time you check your smartphone when you’re out together or every time you come home late from work without calling you’re sending her a message that she’s not important to you. Consequently, she wonders if you still care about her as much as when you first got married.

Your work is important, but don’t forget what you’re working for. Remember that there’s nothing on your phone that’s more important than what’s going on right around you.

Lastly, Not speaking her language

Women need to know they are loved and that you are grateful for her. You think you’re showing love by going to work every day and bringing home a paycheck, so most of the time you don’t do much more than that (except maybe on Valentine’s Day).

But, she needs more than that to see your love and she needs you to show her that you’re doing it all for her. So take a little extra time and do something special. Send her a couple texts during the day or bring her home some flowers from the grocery store. You might be surprised at the reaction you get.

Source: Familyshare

 

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CISI EZE: THE CHOICE TO STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Your body has become a canvas of red, blue, and black.

Your mind has become a wasteland wrecked by cruel words that fall like hail.

Yet you stay!

You’ve built an altar to that which loathes you (…)

My mind says I should make this a poem.

Loving someone that hates you is stupid, not romantic. Toni Braxton’s “Let It Flow”, which was one of the soundtracks of the movie “Waiting to Exhale”, is very apt for people in abusive romantic relationships.

It goes:

“You see the thing ‘bout love is that it’s not enough if the only thing it brings you is pain. There comes a time we could a make a change. Just let go. Let it flow. Everything is going to turn out right… We all demand respect, but we can’t get respect without change… Sometimes love can work out right; sometimes you’ll never know. But if it brings only pain in your life, don’t be afraid to let it go.”

When Toke Makinwa published her storm-raising memoir, some of us read it and blamed Toke for staying in an abusive relationship. They make it seem as though walking out of an abusive relationship is as easy as eating ipekere. People are stuck in Stockholm.

Emotional Stockholm syndrome is a real thing; however, people that trivialise mental health will dispute this.

Then again, some people romanticise abuse. If you are in doubt, listen to the lyrics of Niyola’s “Toh Bad”. The song goes: “But sometimes it kills me – the kind of things that you do. I’m trying not to cry. Tears are hard to fight. It is hard to let you go (…) I’ve tried to run away from you baby. How can I live without you?”

Well, for starters, there are several reasons, varying from person to person, that explain why people – men and women – stay in abusive romantic relationships. Unfortunately, love is not one of the reasons. Other sinister, negative emotions make us stay. When you consider these factors (emotions), you might not be so quick to victim-blame anyone in an abuse romantic relationship.

Below are few reasons that explain why women stay in abusive romantic relationships:

The first is fear. Fear clips your wings before you know you have the ability to fly. Some of us in abusive relationships are scared of the unknown. The concept of starting anew with someone else could be petrifying. Something about change, a break from routine, is quite daunting. The married ones among us begin to fear what society would say. Society places such importance on marriage, and when your marriage fails, it sees you as a failed woman. There is fear of financial security, too. Not having personal financial strength could hold back a person from leaving an abusive relationship. It could be that he/she gets certain benefits from the abuser.

In a twisted way, imagining our lover in someone else’s arm could stir jealousy in the pit of our stomachs, and we just stay to see if we can it better. Also, feeling we have invested much into a romantic relationship makes us try to make it work. “We have come so far and I just can’t quit. I can’t leave a house because the windows are shattered. I have to stay and fix it.” That is what some people say. But houses are not people. You can fix a house; you cannot fix a person.

Pity is another factor that contributes to people staying with abusive partners. Lover goes on to quote Chicago’s song. “If you leave me now, you’ll take away the biggest part of me. Baby, please, don’t go”.  Abusers are manipulative. They know the right things to say to guilt-trip us into staying with them. We pity them and feel obligated to stay behind because they make it seem as though they have built their world around us.

At times, it could be that a woman is “dickmatised”. The sex is just so good and she does not want to leave. It happens. Talk about toxic, chemical romance.

People in abusive relationships believe they stay for love, but in the real sense, dark emotions are at play. Leaving is not always easy.

Then again, should we feel pity for women that DECIDE to stay in abusive relationships? From the onset, your sixth sense would tell you the person is bad for you. Tell-tale signs float before your eyes. Watch the way they react to other women, especially sex workers. Asides that, it could be that they are manipulative. They seek to control you, too. The prospective lover shows signs of misogyny – talks down your achievements; patronises you; doesn’t listen to you and respect your perspectives; asserts masculinity to the point it stifles you (that is if it is a heterosexual love affair); sees you as a body, not a mind; becomes too possessive. You can’t miss these signs. You don’t stick your finger in fire when you know it is hot, right?

For me, the best we can do for loved ones in abusive romantic relationships is to drag them out of it, because they are not thinking straight. In fact, at that point, your words are like water flowing into a sieve.

Leaving is hard – it is going to hurt so bad, but we all have to leave toxic relationships for the sake of our sanity.

P.S. This post refers to all types of abuse – physical, emotional, and sexual.

P.P.S. Many types of relationship hurt us. They could be romantic, filial, business, or platonic, you name it. There is no point staying in situations that don’t favour us. Maybe we are scared to leave out of fear of the unknown. But “if you never try, you’ll never know”.

P.P.P.S. Men are also victims of abuse in different relationships, but society seems to dismiss and mock men that speak up; hence, men are compelled to suffer in silence, not vent their pain. We need to stop ridiculing men that speak up. Having a penis doesn’t mean one should suffer in silence. Men should be vocal about their issues.

P.P.P.P.S. I’m in an abusive relationship with Arsenal. Why haven’t I left? I don’t even complain about the club anymore because it doesn’t make sense. I mean, I can quit, but I have decided to remain. There is Chelsea and Barca, but look at me. Why do I keep hurting my feelings by myself? Kanu Nwankwo that made me fall in love with Arsenal is no more there, but here we are.

 

Cisi Eze

About Cisi Eze

Cisi is a freelance writer and 2D animator. To kill boredom, she reads anything and everything in sight. Cisi wants to bring positive social change in Nigeria by provoking people to rethink and reconsider certain beliefs they have clutched to their chests like it were a medal. She aims to do this through every form of art at her disposal. Cisi lives in Lagos, Nigeria

Source: Bellanaija

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FEYI OKUPE : MARRIAGE WON’T SOLVE YOUR LONELINESS

Hi Ladies,

It’s another Saturday, lots of weddings to attend and someone out there might just be feeling left out because it’s not their turn, or they might be feeling left out because they don’t have a “Bae”, whereas this shouldn’t be the case. To buttress my point, I’ll say this….

“Marriage doesn’t solve your Loneliness, so don’t rush into Marriage because you are lonely. There are so many Lonely-Married people and you don’t want to be one of them.”

You see, I have heard a lot of singles ladies say they are lonely because they are not in a relationship like some of their peers, some of them also feel the solution is to get married but I disagree because Marriage is not the solution to loneliness. I have heard of many cases where a Wife is so lonely and lacks companionship in her home, despite being married and living with her spouse. So, please ladies, don’t rush into marriage because it’s trending or because you attend weddings every Saturday and feel like it’s the next achievement on your bucket list. Marry because you are ready and because you are fully prepared for what it entails. Trust me, it’s beyond a 6-hour event, so please prepare. If you feel lonely, get busy. Get involved in productive activities, go on holiday, hang out with good friends, watch a movie; read a book and work on your purpose. Enjoy the free time you have now and maximise it. Don’t let your age / family pressure you. Relax, be patient; you will get married at the right time according to God’s will.

Have a blessed / restful weekend. ❤️????

Feeyi Okupe

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REMI KYNE : 7 WAYS TO APPEAR MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN YOU ARE

It doesn’t take much to be more attractive right now. You may feel that there’s little you can do to change how attractive you are. However, there are small changes that anyone can do with little time and effort that can influence the way people perceive how attractive you are.

Do these 7 things to make people think you’re more attractive than you actually are.

Avoid small talk

Experiments have been done that compare people who talk about surface issues with people who talk about deeper topics. These studies show that people who talk about themselves, their beliefs or their passions believe that their partners are more attractive than those who discuss the weather or other shallow subjects.

Eye contact

When you meet someone new, note what color their eyes are. You will look into their eyes just a bit more than you normally would. That extra eye contact can make you appealing to the other person.

Personal hygiene

There’s no accounting for what a good shower can do for your attractiveness. You smell better, your hair looks nicer, and it shows that you value yourself. Also, don’t forget to brush those teeth, trim that beard, and use deodorant. These things will do wonders.

Hand gestures

People rate those who use hand gestures as more engaging and confident, characteristics that are valued. Use hand gestures to up your attractiveness.

Dress well

You might not have control over how your nose looks (barring any plastic surgery related modifications), but you can decide what clothes go on your body. Believe it or not, what you choose to wear has a great effect on the level of your attractiveness. In fact, even if you’re not a particularly gorgeous gal, people will think you’re more attractive if you dress well.

Smile

People who smile are rated as more attractive than those who don’t so if you want to be better looking, just show those pearly whites.

Play hard to get

At least for men, this can be a useful tactic. Studies show that women are more likely to be interested in men when they can’t figure out whether or not he’s interested in them. It’s hypothesized that this is because women think a lot about the guy while trying to figure out if he likes them. Because she is thinking so much about the guy, the she concludes that she must like him.

Smell good

Having a nice scent triggers people’s brains to make you seem more attractive over all. A small spritz of perfume or cologne can make you seem better looking.

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MEET ASANDIA BASSEY HOGAN, FIRST FEMALE CHAIRPERSON OF CALABAR MUNICIPALITY

Asandia Hogan is poised to become the first female chairperson of Calabar Municipality. She is the first woman to ever vie for this position.​

Born on August 25, 1981, Asandia Bassey Asuquo Hogan is a mother, wife and businesswoman from Ikot Nsisuk, Ward 6 of Calabar Municipality, who was able to carve out a niche for herself in the fashion industry.

According to a popular social analyst, Asandia brings a fresh outlook to the politics of Calabar municipality and Cross River as a whole. Her youthfulness, and background in both the private and public sector for the past 20 years comes to bear. Her boisterous ideologies about life could be that fresh breath that Calabar municipality needs.

Calabar, the capital of Cross River State, is the tourism capital of Nigeria. Administratively, the city is divided into Calabar Municipal and Calabar South LGAs. Everyone knows there is something about Calabar. They just can’t really place it, but they know it. There is something about the people and their food. Asandia is a true-to-type Calabar woman.

Asandia’s bold bid to take the reins of Calabar politics has prompted questions from different quarters. How thick is the line between fashion and politics? Doesn’t she look out of place at the corridors of power? Wouldn’t her swing to politics destroy what friends, fans and family have always known her to be? Could she possible bring some style to the government quarters owing to her background in fashion designing?

She did not just find herself in politics, as many would assume. She has been a member of The People’s Democratic Party (PDP) since 2008 after she came back from studying Marketing and Public Relations (BA) in England. Her mother has a political history of her own too; she was the PDP Deputy Woman Leader South-South political zone till her death in 2001.

Social analysts believe that her strength lies in her being an astute business woman, wife and mother. These roles she juggles effortlessly, lends credence to her suitability for the job. As the first woman to ever vie for this political seat, she has garnered the support of feminists, humanists, rights groups, the youth and other similar groups. This has already become evident in the kind of support she has been getting across different social and political platforms.

 

 

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WENDY JESSEN : 12 REASONS WHY’ I CHOOSE LIFE

Suicide is not an option, because there are better alternatives. Find your reasons to live and seek professional help as needed.

Depression and poor mental/emotional health are the main contributing factors to suicide and suicidal thoughts.

Suicide isn’t something anyone should consider and it needs to be addressed from a perspective of hope; that things will get better, people do love and care about you and that there are many other options.

Suicide should never be an option. Getting healthy by seeking professional help is what really needs to happen.

Healing our inner scars will alleviate those thoughts, feelings and tendencies.

  1. There is always hope

Life really does suck sometimes, and other people’s behaviors and choices affect us. As a survivor of sexual abuse, I can see the ripples in my life from being violated and hurt as a child. Sometimes we think the only way to stop hurting, to stop feeling the weight and pain left in the wake of abuse, is to leave this life behind. But it’s not true. That’s a lie Satan wants us to believe.

Because of our Savior Jesus Christ we can heal, and we can stop feeling the pains of abuse.

We have hope.

We have options.

2. We are not what happened to us

We are loved by God who knows who we are and what we need. We can use His love and all other resources available to find peace and heal. You’re never alone.

Put these reasons in a prominent place and refer to it when you’re struggling and continue to add to the list. There are always reasons to keep living. And if you can’t find one, ask someone close to you to help you see all the reasons why you are needed.

Here are just 12 reasons I choose life over suicide

My six children (who could really count as individual reasons), who are not perfect, but are incredible little humans.

My patient husband, who is also not perfect, but tries hard and loves me despite myself.

My faith in God.

I have goals I want to complete before my life is complete.

I’m stronger than I think I am.

My close friends who enrich my life and encourage me to keep going.

I have overcome a lot to get where I am now.

I refuse to let the actions of others control my life.

Without pain, I couldn’t experience joy. If I’m in pain, I know joy is around the corner.

I want to help others know they’re not alone.

I like progressing and improving and I can’t do that without being alive.

Suicide would be letting a lot of people down- my family, my friends and myself. And, of course, God who doesn’t want any of us to give up.

What are your 12 (or more) reasons to keep on living? Write them down! Share them with a friend! Remind yourself frequently of every reason you have to stay alive.

Don’t give up, my friends. Suicide is not the answer. It will get better, you will overcome; you will heal. You are stronger than you know and you have so many people on earth and in Heaven rooting for you, cheering you on. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to cry out in prayer. You are loved. Don’t give up. You have many other, much better options. Reach out and seek help.

Please, if you are having suicidal thoughts and/or actions, seek help from a professional, or a friend or family member who will take you seriously and assist you in finding the professional help you need.

Source: Familyshare

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