Interviews&profile Archives

In Inspiration July 14, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

“I Was Inspired To Start Girlsaide Because Of The Cases I Saw As A Medical Student”- Dr. Abosede Lewu

Dr. Abosede Lewu is an Obstetrician and Gynaecologist(@naijaobgyndoctor), Development Practitioner, Girls and Womens right and education advocate and an aspiring author. She is the founder of Girlsaide Initiative , an NGO focused on girls, women and underserved communities. Girlsaide Initiative is currently implementing several project around sexual and reproductive health and contributing towards achieving the SDGs.

Abosede has over 15 years experience on adolescent based issues with her interest and passion spanning back to her undergraduate years. She was a member, secretary and vice president of Action Group on Adolescent Health (AGAH) under the Campaign Against Unwanted pregnancy during her undergraduate years.

She actively serves as a facilitator, volunteer and mentor to several young people with numerous organizations.

She is a Mandela Washington Fellow (Young African Leadership Initiative) a flagship program by President Barrack Obama recognizing Young Africans showing leadership skill and improving lives and their communities.

She is an alumnus of University of Maiduguri, where she graduated with Honours.

She is continuously learning with various certifications such as Nonprofit Executive Program: Mendoza Business School from University of Notre Dame USA, Community health for all through Primary Health Care from John Hopkins University and Basics of Health Economics from World Bank Institute. She is a Member, West African College of Surgeons and Member, National Postgraduate Medical College.

She is happily married with children.

She shares her inspiring story in this exclusive interview with Esther Ijewere

Growing Up

Yes, my childhood definitely did. We nearly lost our mother during childbirth of one of my younger siblings. As a kid then, I saw the doctors that saved her as angels that gave me back my mother and really wanted to be able to do the same for other families. Growing up was interesting, we are 5 kids, I am the second born and first daughter, my parents were civil servants and we travelled a lot due to my father’s work, this had made me make friends all over the country. I am also one of those lucky girls, my father and mother raised us to be ambitious and fearless, growing up, i never saw myself as someone that could not do anything i set out my mind to do

Inspiration behind Girlsaide Initiative

I was inspired to start girlsaide because of the experiences and cases I saw as a medical student and medical doctor. Young girls and women presenting with life threatening and sometimes, life taking complications that could have been prevented.

I also noticed a disconnect between parents and their adolescent daughters and decided to create a platform that allows the girls, women and the communities they live in to thrive.

The Journey so far

It’s been enlightening and challenging at the same time. I have learned and stretched beyond my greatest imagination. It has also become an amazing platform for me to meet a lot of changemakers nationally and internationally.

It has evolved to include projects such as ‘Get a Pap Campaign to reduce Cervical Cancer, to Keep All Mothers Alive project to prevent maternal and perinatal deaths and our COVID19 response. Some others focused on parents with adolescent daughters girls and those leaving to obtain higher education. We keep evolving to address issues affecting our niche. It has made me more of a development practitioner

Being an Obstetrician , Gynecologist, Girl child advocate, wife and mom , and managing it all

Sometimes I can’t explain how I juggle all but let me try. Once you realise balance is in constant motion, you do what is most important at each time.

So sometimes you have to prioritise being a mother and a wife above all, then sometimes you have to prioritise your work and your calling.

I also enjoy an amazing support system on the home front and my whole family, we plan together even before rolling out. This gives me confidence that when balance seems to be tilting towards work, they are in good hands. Shout out and thank you to my Hubby and the whole family. I also have an amazing inner circle of friends and team members. The advocacy and community work we do has become a team work and that makes sharing of roles and duties easier and more effective.

There is also my ultimate joker, the God factor, he is my ultimate muscle

Inspiration behind @naijaobgyndoctor platform , and it’s impact since inception

It still boils down to my experiences. People call me everyday on different health challenges, myths, avoidable complications and I am always surprised by how much misinformation that is out there. Also with the mass migration of health workers to outside shores, the number of specialists to people population is getting lesser. How about people that cannot access me directly or other doctors. I decided to give it a try.

The impact in this short time across my social media platform has been amazing. I have been able to provide consultations, referral services to women and families. I am also actively engaging influencers to demystify and educate through healthy conversations around health and well being.

I also noticed a lack of support for women who have had miscarriages, stillbirths or lost a child and launched RAINBOW BLOOMS to support them. The uptake of that has also been phenomenal.

The Society and it’s level of awareness on issues centered around adolescents, and the right of the girl child

Society is not as well informed as it should be on adolescent issues or girl child issues. Most of this results from the underestimation of their minds and capability and not realising that youthfulness is a strength.

Another issue affecting this information is that some people are not willing to embrace the fact that the roles, dreams and aspirations of girls have changed so they will rather keep upcoming girls uninformed so as to maintain status quo.

Things are however changing, it may not be as fast as we hope for but there is a forward movement especially with organisations like yours and ours and other advocates continuously pushing the conversations that engage adolescents and girls.

On young girls who need a listening ear, but scared to open up

A problem shared is a problem half solved. This really frustrates me especially with regards to their reproductive health and cases of drug abuse. When girls get into trouble, only few have the confidence and the kind of relationship it takes to walk up to their parents and guardians to talk to them instead they go to their friends who don’t know so much. I implore them to please speak up. The fear you have is not as big as the trouble you can get into with wrong advice. Deliberately seek out your parents to also build a solid relationship with them, as young girls, they may not believe this, but they are not your enemy, don’t lock them out. If this does not work, look within your family and find a responsible confidant

Challenges of being girl child advocate

Sometimes, you meet people who feel that the girl child issues have been talked about too much and we should all move on. A stronger challenge comes from the gate keepers of culture and tradition who want things to continue as they are, girls not going to school, marrying them off young, ostracizing teenage mothers, not paying attention to their menstrual health etc. This can be frustrating especially when they are women.

The challenge of explaining and defining the real meaning of feminism and gender equity is also there.

3 women who inspire you to be better and why

My mother; She inspires me through her intelligence, resilience, love for God and her forgiving spirit, she is truly a gem

Mrs Amina J Mohammed

Deputy Secretary General of the United Nations. She has been an exemplary Diplomat and politician. I admire her greatly and all she has achieved and represents

Mrs Folorunsho Alakija

She is a ceiling breaker, she has excelled and achieved global recognition in a tough field. She also gives back a lot through her foundations and programs

There are many more women who all inspire me to reach for the stars

Being a Woman of Rubies

I am a woman of rubies because I am innovative, solution oriented, not observing rather I am actively working to provide solutions to problems affecting my gender and community

Nuggets on how Girls can protect themselves during the Pandemic

Protect yourself from COVID19 by practicing all safety measures; stay home, wash your hands, use cloth masks when needed, maintain social distance. Protect yourself from dangers that can arise due to COVID19; don’t succumb to negative peer pressure, don’t experiment with bad stuff just because you are at home and bored. If you feel unwell speak to your parents and guardians, please do not self medicate for any condition you may be experiencing. This too shall pass.

NAIJA OBGYN DOCTOR is a health service provision entity that focuses on women, all health services related to them especially sexual and reproductive health.

CALL TO ACTION

I want to use this opportunity to call on the government at all levels, private sector leaders and philanthropists to make investment in health a top priority and know that only healthy citizens can create and maintain wealth and build the economy.

Follow on IG @naijaobgyndoctor

Follow on Twitter @NaijaObgyn

In Editor's Choice June 24, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

“I Created The HERfessions App for Women Who Want To Flee Abusive Relationships- Osasumwen Edobor

One of the many reasons why women stay in abusive relationships is due to lack of information on where they can go, where to report, and how to leave without “Poking the bear”. The pandemic has in no little way birth an epidemic of incessant cases of Rape and Domestic Violence. A situation that is fast becoming the order of the day, with different hashtag trends to help bring it to the fore.

Osasu Edobor is one of the women on the frontlines advocating for victims of Domestic Violence, and using her voice and resources where it matters.

Osasu is a social development expert with over twelve years’ experience as a gender advocate infusing new media and technology to propagate gender inclusion. She is the Curator of HERFESSIONS mobile app, an anonymous online platform for survivors of sexual violence to access resources, group support, information and ultimately a community to work-out the journey to recovery.

She holds a Master’s degree in Managerial Psychology from the University of Lagos, a 2016 African American Institute Scholar with a certificate in Social Sector Management from the Enterprise Development Centre of the Pan Atlantic University, Lagos, and also a 2018 Mandela Washington Fellow with a certificate in Civic Leadership from Rutgers University, the state of New Jersey, USA.

She previously worked as the Programme Director of the Bimbo Odukoya Foundation where she facilitated the provision of GBV intervention schemes such as a temporary safe house for survivors of Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse, and gender responsive programming for young people. Prior to full switch into the development space, she worked in Media and Advertising producing family content and branding, whilst volunteering with numerous non-profit organization.She is versatile, exploring the boundaries of social development via her organization. She shares her Inspiring journey and recent feat with Esther Ijewere in this exclusive Interview.

Childhood Preparation

I grew up in a family of 5 girls and an only brother, my father despite wanting a boy or two didn’t spare us. We did everything a man would do around the house, it did not help that he was an Engineer, so we lived by the rule Maintenance culture. This however was a huge contrast to what we saw in extended family. It toughened me, to see family members, being victimized. The high point of growing up was watching my mother turn her biology lectures to sexual reproductive health conversations and continually counselling girls my age and building self esteem in as many as sought her help in our neighbourhood.

Inspiration behind HERfessions

I had run a shelter for domestic violence and sexual violence survivors and for the women it was a great concern that we couldn’t maintain therapy for them, as it became next to impossible to get them to come back physically. We thought that by providing an online platform of engagement, It minimized the physical movement, helped to build a community for much needed support

The Journey so far

It has been rewarding, fulfilling and hectic all wrapped in one. Whilst one delights in the increased awareness, and heightened knowledge of self worth in Women, the lags of poor enforcement of law makes seeking Justice the path of a rabble rouser, which is a cape I wear proudly.

Working in different sectors across board, and pitching my tent in the GBV sector

Indeed, with my career start in Media, I saw that the Women were portrayed continually as objects of enjoyment instead of human beings capable of great things. Pivotal to my switch was a volunteer training I involved myself with in the Makoko axis of Lagos, despite it been an empowerment initiative, I found I engaged with quiet a number of battered women, who were helpless and lacking in knowledge of how to pursue Justice.

That spurred me to build a career in Non profit management with a huge focus on Gender based Violence, despite having held jobs that spoke to Civic Education, Sexual Reproductive Rights, Education, Health to name a few.

Being a fellow of different development organisations

As an avid knowledge seeker, two fellowships stand out for me. At the Enterprise Development Center, Of the Lagos Business School, were I partook of The Social Sector Management, and most recently as 2018 Mandela Washington Fellowship, a exchange program facilitated by the US Government for young exceptional African leaders. These fellowships opened a network of people, resources and allies, whilst also ensuring I garnered skill that were best practice.

HERfessions helping to nab an abusive man

Indeed it was a great achievement for us as an organisation. The perpetrator in a brazen act had beat up his spouse and posted on a social media bragging about the ability of the police to effect an arrest against him. been the tool that social media is it received a lot of attention, as well as the speedy intervention of the state. He was charged to court and the legal process of ensure the safety of the survivors is still underway.

Nigerians knowledge of the GBV Sector

We have a long way to go in first domesticating the laws that will protect women and girls across the country, and a longer road to change the narrative and culture of impunity towards women. Whilst some states have done extensive work, there is need to ensure the advocacy done is implemented through laws institutionalization and enforcement. As a Country, we need to begin to engage all facets of endeavor to change the narrative attached with to rape, domestic violence or sexual violence in general. Sexual Violence is perpetuated in any environment where there is power. We must ensure we have systems that can check power, be it at the office, church, mosque, market, home, school, or community. We must engage the media (with special reference to Africa Magic) to tell better stories, tell corrective stories that can shape a culture of zero tolerance to Gender Based Violence.

Why I created the HERfessions App

The HERfessions mobile app is a great resource for women and girls available on playstore. It is an anonymous platform to receive support and find help to deal with all forms of sexual violence, available on playstore now.

– Also in commemoration of the June 19th (elimination of sexual violence in conflict) and the recent epidemic of several rape killings on your girls, we have through out Cast project launch a series to address men with the hashtag #menchangingthenarrative series.

Challenges as an Advocate

People’s general assumptions of you been a rabble-rouser , particularly as a young woman, one continual contends with people who do not value the work been done. the greatest really is the ingrained culture in women who do not believe when issues escalate, the governments help can be sort via the Police. Asides this, the grave challenges of systemic failure in pursuing justice, is a sad tale every advocate can attest to. Finally, justice comes at a great cost. We need structures that make leave abusive situations easy. structures like Shelters, Half-way homes, Cost of therapy, and legal fees, Whilst Advocates continually gives this services at no cost to the Survivors, there are huge cost, that most offset, for justice( and healing) to be served. It is my earnest appeal that individuals begin to make it a part of their life style to support a charity with Donations or volunteer their time or skill for social good. I must reiterate it is rewarding work.

Being a mental health advocate, counselor, Convener of an inspiring platform and managing it all

Contrary to what people say, you can’t have it all. I didn’t start on this journey today, it’s been over a decade of building my work, harnessing low hanging fruits, and just doing work that I love. I can be described as a multi-potentialite, which comes with it nuances of creativity outburst and continual personal critiquing. I live by two personal philosophies – To thyself be true and live one day at a time. I am not under any pressure to impress or shine, I do what i set out to do and I pace myself always.

What I have found works is – do you genuinely, peace always follows. I am not in competition with anyone.

Other projects and activities

The Intersection of my work is Gender based violence, with a great link to mental health because there is a great need for . We however use the medium of technology and new media to deliver our messages. With the HERfessions App, it was us anticipating difficulty in movement of survivors due to varying reasons (which was foresight considering the COVID-19 pandemic). Our services also include engaging survivors physically through the TEHILA series, a replica of the conversations on the mobile app.Via new media, we use our social media platforms to push narratives that empower the woman via our storytelling mediums. It is our belief that to change the culture of silence, we must subliminal affect the minds of our community via its music, movies, and entertainment. This gave rise to our CAST project- a commissioned theatrical performance we use to teach and educate in public domain such as markets, Malls, and gatherings.

Being a Woman of Rubies

Primarily I am passionate and dogged in my belief that women can be better and treated better. Women must believe in themselves enough to thrive and collaborate

Vital nuggets for the Girl child during the Pandemic

The conversations have always been screwed to what girls should do, whilst that is both responsible and one-sided, I would add that girls need to invest in protective skills and gadgets. Learn how to defend yourself, own a pepper spray. In addition I would like to address the men folk and say ; NO is a full sentence. Self-control is achievable.

To women afraid to walk away from abusive relationships

Walk away, you will find help. I found that for advocacy to work, we must continually repeat one message. You are worth of love, Let yourself Live, so Leave.

Women who Inspire me to be better

Michelle Obama

Prof. Dora Akunyili

Leymah Gbowee

Kindly download the App Here HERfessions App

In Interviews&profile June 23, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

“I Was Sexually Abused By My Uncle From Age 7”- Dr. Timi Oyebode, Therapist

Dr. Timi Oyebode is the Founder/ Head Counselor at Attitude Development International, an Organization focused on promoting Professional Counseling & Counseling Education in Africa. She is the provost ADI Counselling School Lagos. Timi is a Seasoned, Passionate and Certified Professional COUNSELOR with over sixteen (16) years’ experience working with individuals, couples, and families.

Her focus is on Emotional Wellness, Self-Discovery, Trauma, Abuse, Addiction and Sex Recovery Therapy which had made her connect with various persons at different levels of need. She runs a Yearly Retreat for Couples, Emotional Empowerment Sessions for women, Mentorship Forums, Counseling Outreaches to Prisons, IDP/Refugee, rehab Camps and a vibrant Counseling Clinic.

Dr Timi Oyebode has a Ph.D., M.A. and PGDE in Counselling. She holds a Master Practitioner Certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and Trauma Recovery Therapy

She is a chartered Mediator & Conciliator with Institute of Charter Mediators &Conciliators (ICMN), member of International Association of Counselling(IAC), Member Counselling Association of Nigeria (CASSON), Member Association of Christian Counselors in Nigeria and President, African Network of

Professional Counselors. She is passionate about mental health, people having access to Professional Therapy work and also helping Counselors and Psychotherapists particularly in Africa to get a good grip on their practice.

She is a speaker at International and national conferences, trainings, meetings, TV & radio on Trauma and recovery. She shares her Inspiring journey in this interview.

Childhood Preparation

Yes there are so many things in my childhood that prepared me for what I do now including being a victim of trauma and child sexual abuse. Today as a survivor, I just want to see others live life free and fulfilled. I am the eldest of 3 and only girl of my parents, grew up in Ibadan Oyo State and had all the security of an ideal family until tragedy struck first with sexual abuse and then the death of my father when I was 9 years old. Actually the earliest memory of my sexual abuse was at age 7 with one of my uncles, this continued even after my dad’s death to include rape, abuse and sexual violation from other relatives and spiritual leaders as well.

I was traumatized, depressed and suicidal… although my immediate family members weren’t aware of many of my struggles as a young girl with low self esteem, battered mindset and oppressive nightmares. At some point, I started struggling with sexual choices like porn, masturbation, homosexuality etc. I knew I needed help but was lost on where and how to get it.

In October 2000, I had an encounter and my journey to healing, restoration & recovery began. In 2003, I was in for my first trial at therapy and I knew I needed to make this happen for some other hurting souls. Emotional wellness and healing is our rights. So after my first degree in English language, I went for a 2nd degree and PhD in Counselling.

Inspiration behind ADI Nigeria

After working with Real Woman Foundation (Pst.Nike Adeyemi) for over 7 years as Head Counselor, I knew that there is a huge gap to the availability of professional mental/ emotional helpers and counselors, in Nigeria. Hence, the burden was laid on my heart to fill that void.

ADI was birth to aid the availability and promotions of therapeutic help, professional counseling and counseling education in Nigeria and Africa at large.

To enable those who desire to acquire training in the help professing but have little or no access to the western world where this is readily available.

The hope of bringing therapeutic help (as a means to deal with emotional and mental problems) closer to Africans was the paramount inspiration.

Being an Emotional wellness, trauma and self- discovery expert, with 16 years experience

Though it had been quite a huge task to make our people accept and appreciate professional counseling, I can still say boldly, the journey had been engaging and fulfilling. The ability to stand in the gap for many, bring healing, hope and restoration to victims (families, couples, individuals) of trauma, abuse and addiction had indeed been worthwhile.

Also having to see and hear the testimonies of many trained and professional counselors from ADI who are being able to confidently meet the emotional and mental needs of people in their communities while fulfilling their own dreams and desire is incomparable. Counting the number of clients including victims of Depression, Trauma, Divorce, Suicidal Tendency, Anger, Addiction, Anxiety etc, who daily comes into our counseling centre and leaves with smiles on their faces, makes the journey indeed worthwhile.

Being a member of several organisations, the roles I play and how has it impacted me positively

I am a registered member of various counseling bodies both home and abroad; including Counseling Association of Nigeria (CASSON), Association of Christian Counselors in Nigeria(ACCNIG), Christian Counselling Educational Foundation(CCEF), International Association of Counselling (IAC), Institute of Chartered Mediators & Conciliators(ICMC) and African Network of Professional Counsellors (ANEPCO). I am involved in all the associations, volunteering and actively serving in varying capacities.

I am the present President of Africa Network of Professional Counsellors, an organization focus on empowering counselors and psychotherapists across Africa, or working with Africans. Our primary goal is to be a rallying point and voice of reasoning/ professionalism for Psychotherapists & Counsellors across Africa

Why oppressed and damaged people sometimes do same to others

There are so many damaged, wounded or traumatized people in our world. Trauma means ‘wound’ – an inner/emotional wounds that plaques an individual, often due to an earlier or childhood abuse, oppression or damages and while there are various symptoms exhibited by victims of trauma, Dr. Cranes gave us about 9 responses or reactions associated with victims, amongst which is Trauma pleasuring.

Trauma pleasuring- a response which shows a victim of trauma taking pleasure in the pain caused to them and even seeing the pain in others gives them pleasure or momentary ease from their own pain. Hence it seems as if the initial victim is enjoying the pain or enjoys seeing others go through the same pain he/she went through. This is also known as sadistic personality disorder (SPD) in which, an individual display cruel behavior and enjoys inflicting pain on other. In other words, the suffering of others gives pleasure and observing that suffering feels good.

It is a form of mental illness often traceable to childhood trauma and those who exhibit this character are better perceived as ‘unwell’ rather than ‘wicked’ and should be encouraged to seek trauma therapy to aid their recovery.

Wellness nuggets for women who don’t know when to take a break and detox.

Keeping our emotional well-being balanced is no easy task… especially for women. Pressures and life demands can sometimes make it all hard to figure out. However, being able to manage your emotions and have healthy relationships with others is vital to your emotional wellness.

To every woman out there, struggling to keep it all together. Here are my advice

Know yourself. Know your thoughts and be able to identify your emotions and feelings. Take time to identify your triggers and know when to take a break. Get to know your emotional-self better, a visit to a counselor or use of self-help personality/temperament assessment online and even journaling of daily thoughts can help you.

Be positive. While we all get in a bad mood once in a while and there is nothing abnormal about that, constantly maintaining a negative attitude will only eat away at your internal happiness. If you keep this mind-frame long enough, nothing will ever seem like a good situation when you only focus on the bad. Noticing how often you think or say negative things is the first step towards having a positive attitude. Then, work on limiting the amount of negative thoughts and speech you use every day. If you need help with this, try keeping a journal or asking a friend or family member to point out when you are being a “Negative Nacy”.

Ask for Help. If you are suffering from emotional distress, it’s okay to ask for help. There are no prizes handed out for who can bury their emotions the most. It doesn’t make you stoic or strong to keep the emotional turmoil all to yourself. Talking to someone you trust can be enough to ease the negative emotions brought on by a bad day. If more help is needed, seeking the advice of a mental health professional doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you are strong enough to to take care of your mental health. And if you aren’t sure of where to find them, contact us at ADI Counselling.

Keeping Boundaries. Establishing boundaries with people in your life will contribute to your mental well-being. While it’s best to be nice to others in your life, there will be times when they cross the line and it’s up to you to tell them what is and isn’t acceptable for you. For example, it doesn’t make you a bad person to tell your neighbors that they should give you a call or a text instead of coming over unannounced. Advocating for yourself and your emotional needs will keep you from feeling overwhelmed by other people’s expectations and behaviors.

Self-Acceptance. Sometimes the expectations you set for yourself are more than the expectations others have for you. It’s okay to give yourself a break and let the self-judgment and self-doubt go. You won’t ever feel at ease in the world or with yourself if you are constantly talking negatively about yourself. If you wouldn’t let a stranger call you “stupid”, “ugly”or “not good enough” then you shouldn’t let yourself say those things. Just like with negative thoughts in general, becoming aware and then learning how to manage negative self talk is key to learning how to accept yourself.

Challenges

The major challenge we had over the years is getting Government approval and local accreditation… as the various government ministries claim their scope doesn’t cover what we do. After 5 years of requesting we finally got Lagos State to give an approval. It had also been challenging to make people view counseling as a career and that these professionals need to be paid for their services. People struggles to accept the need to pay for therapy. They feel it should be free.

Another challenge is access to resources and materials to aid and support our African professional counsellors.

Other projects and activities

I am a regular invited speaker at conferences& religious meetings.

I am an author

I run a quarterly mentoring forum

I run a periodic emotional empowerment meeting for women

I run a yearly retreat for couples

I run counseling and emotional wellness outreaches to schools, communities, prisons, IDP & Refugee camps.

Being a Woman of Rubies and more

I am a survivor, a pillar of strength, a conqueror and a woman on assignment… my life goal is simply to bring others out of the dungeon of pain and trauma to living life free, full and fulfilled.

For those who just walked out of abusive relationships

You are a survivor, the person who misused you never knew your worth as one of the best humans life could offer. So it’s not your loss but his/her. Engage is some good self-love routine, find purpose and commit yourself to it. Go into therapy and begin your journey into recovery.

The journey to healing may take a while and often better not walked alone, so be patient with yourself, get support and life would smile on you soonest.

For those who need certification

If you desire a certification in professional counseling or wants to know how to run a therapy business or just want to acquire more skills in Counselling. If you need to see a professional counselor or needs help to deal with marital problems, teenage problems, emotional problems, trauma, addiction etc

Do not hesitate to contact us at ADI Counselling Centre, 25 Ladipo Kasumu street off Tinuade street opposite FirstBank Allen Ikeja, Lagos.

You can follow her on FB, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter as: @TimiOyebode

In Interviews&profile June 19, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

“I Want To Be A Ray Of Hope For People Living With Disability”- Jennifer Ibrahim

Someone once said the only disability is a matter of perception, If you can do just one thing right, you’re needed by someone. This what beautiful Jennifer Ibrahim represents. A woman who has not allowed her physical outlook define or limit her greatness.

Jennifer Ibrahim stopped schooling in Jss3 due to her health issue. She was diagnosed with Sickle Cell Anaemia which led to her inability to walk again. She is into poultry business which caters to the intricate needs of persons which special needs.

Jennifer is very humane, passionate about humanity, widows, orphans and physically challenged.Her interest in this special category of people stems from their inability to meet there basic needs, and because she knows how it feels to be in need and to be caged by the body , She is a ray of hope for them

Her vision is to open a Foundation (Jenny Home of Hope Foundation) to give hope to other physically challenged persons. Jennifer shares her inspiring Journey with me in this Interview

Childhood Preparation

No, my childhood did not in anyway prepare me for who i am and what i do now because at my childhood i never thought of been physically disabled or even been an inspiration to people. My childhood was full of life and fun,I was living very healthy and not knowing what a sickle cell person is. I had the the dream of becoming an actress right from childhood, the business minded person i am now started right from childhood. I could buy sweet and biscuits just to sell to my classmates, like i was very free from sickness, far away from hospitals. I could walk distant miles just to get food items because i love to cook and i was very engaged and busy not until age of 13.

Inspiration behind my Business

Like it is I’m my first response, I like to do business and so i had to go into it. I had gone into other businesses before this poultry such as “Chin-Chin selling, Aya selling and selling of slippers shoes”. But in all of it, there had not been much gain and i wanted better income so as to be independent financially and to help myself and even people around me.

I sold my laptop at the rate of #15,000 and thought it wise to invest wisely other than spending it causally. Then the idea of the poultry business came in and for a start i had to buy 50 birds.

The Journey so far

Hmmmm, it’s been tough, heartbreaking and discouraging but i expected all of it though it’s stressful cause you could imagine me in my condition trying to ensure that i meet customers demand especially the dressing of the chicken and delivery.

I started with 50birds but had a lost of 11 birds which was heartbreaking. The second set of chickens was 80 and all survived of course that was very encouraging and the present is 100 birds but still growing up for now,so you see it’s been challenging all the way but for the fact that been a business minded person is part of who i am,I have to keep pushing and considering the fact that the income is better than other business i have been into.

My passion for causes centred around physically challenged persons

Well for now i have not done something big in that area but as the saying goes “Charity Begins At Home”. I am trying my possible best to make maximum impact in my community, like giving out food items to my few friends here that are physically challenged and sharing Bible passages as well. I am also not too mobile but i have been able to hold a program early this year tagged ” Divine Meals” which was designed for me to eat divinely with physically challenged and less privilege. I intend to do more with the grace of God on me.

My Foundation

The inspiration behind the foundation came October 2018 while i was reading a Christian Motivational book, and then my life began to change for better. I had the name “Jeni Home Of Hope Foundation” of which i believed it was not me but the Holy Spirit. I started picking interest in things that concern physically challenged and their welfare. In as much as i desire to do the needful ,i also need finance to help and is why i really need the business to help work this out

Government and provisions for persons with disability

Considering the fact that i don’t really go out, but for the few persons have heard from and the news i go through,most help comes from Non-Governmental Organization and less from Government. The only Governmental help and assistance i have heard is through the ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development which help both disabled mothers and children. Aside the ministry, it’s difficult to have the Government help or assist the less privilege and vulnerable, but NGOs today are doing greatly in the aspect of assisting physically challenged. We’ve heard of NGOs giving out wheelchairs,taking responsibilities of a person’s medical treatment and even giving out food items to less privilege. Also want to use this medium to thank NGOs all over the world,I appreciate your good works.

My advice to the physically challenged trying to navigate in life

To never give up even through trials and challenges, Giving up should never be an option. Strive hard because its not easy and as the saying goes “There is always a light at the end of the tunnel”

Build anything you have passion for so it would pay you at the end,in order to avoid been dependent.

Finally,always remember never expect ease from life cause life is a test and you don’t expect test to be easy.

Challenges I experience as an advocate for disabled persons

The primary and main challenge is discouragement from friends and even family.As an advocate one gets to be asked “Can you make it”? Do you have what other warriors that are well known and celebrated have? Do you have the finances?

There are always the discouraging voices i hear as am advocate for the disabled and trust me i always feel down in my spirit and discouraged. But getting to know the story about warriors who are now advocate,i got to understand that i don’t need much to be an advocate, I just need a made up mind.

Women Who Inspire Me to Be Better

Joni Eareckson Tada:

After reading Joni’s story,i woke up from my sleep and had to stand on my feet .I made up my mind to be somebody in life not minding when i will walk. Joni’s story turned my life from been carnal to been spirit filled and now i can say ” I am up to do the best i am called to do”

Muniba Mazari:

Muniba as the iron lady of Pakistan is one person’s life story that keeps me going. After all medical reports that Muniba can’t be the artist she wanted to be ,she picked up courage which made her the motivational speaker that she is today.

“Joni’s story woke me up and Muniba’s story has made me a moving train”.

Mummy Folusho:

Mummy is physically fit but I’m inspired by her works,she is one of my inspiration because i have come to realise what been an advocate means. Her advice is inspiring, her help and also concern towards the physically challenged is so much inspiring.

Being a Woman of Rubies

1) In my weakness i find strength

2) I hold myself with a high esteem

3) I am not just a warrior but a conquerer as well

4) I am special and unique in my own way

5) And lastly God on my side, i am a victorious advocate

Support for Persons with Disability during the Pandemic

Even before the pandemic, Government have not been fair with people living with disability. But in view of the pandemic, the Government have tried so far in reaching the less privilege and i appreciate them for that. Now the question is what then happens after the pandemic? Are the palliatives just for the period of the pandemic or will the aid extend even after all this happening?

I will love the Government to extend their aid even after the pandemic because a lot out there need their help in terms of medical issues.

In Interviews&profile June 17, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Circumcised Women May Have Low Libido – Elohor Ovite

Leading and trending Nigerian sex therapist based in Abuja, Elohor Ovite, has identified that women most prone to low libido are women who were circumcised while adding that the uncircumcised too are not immune.

Speaking in a recent interview the sex therapist, who is also the Chief Executive Office E&E Skincare, posited that most Nigerian women have sexual problems but not too disposed to discussing it or seeking help.

She said, “Most women have sexual problems, a lot of women actually, but they won’t say it. As I said, a lot of them shy away from the conversation. Men also do not help matters in telling the women they, (the women) have problems. This is because they either do not want to kill their ego or make them feel bad.

“In matters of sex, everyone wants to have the mindset that they are giving their partner the best, but when you tell someone they aren’t, it becomes a problem. From my experience, most women suffer low libido or sex drive. Other sexual problems in women range from vaginal weakness, looseness, vaginal infections, vaginal dryness etc. Many factors may be responsible for the problems and one of them is circumcision. In fact, circumcised women tend to have a low sex drive and may need my product, Kayanmata to start enjoying blissful sexual life again.”

She added that with Kayanmata, she has been able to help many women get out of their sexual gloom.

“I am into Kayanmata business, this business deals with problems that concern women mostly. Most women have issues in their marriage and relationships that could be easily sorted out by this product but they don’t know. These products are purely herbal, no side effects at all, in fact in seeing them alone you know these are all-natural products from herbs. But most women still shy away from their problems.

“Sex is very important in a relationship and marriage but most people ( women ) especially would act as if they are not interested in having that conversation. Kayanmata is a Hausa word, meaning ‘Women’s things’. They are herbs used to enhance sexual pleasure. Kayanmata is the same as aphrodisiac, anything that is used to stimulate sexual pleasure,” she explained, saying women who have used the herbs have amazing story of love and fulfilment to tell.

“Kayanmata are natural products which could be in form of fruits, herbs or even seeds that help in resolving sexual issues, creating intimacy and love between women and man. With Kayanmata, we have products that help in different ways, such as vaginal tightener, which helps to tighten loose vagina caused by something else, say childbirth or natural causes. We also have products like sweeteners, that are lubricants that make a woman very wet and sweet.

In Interviews&profile June 16, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

“Don’t Be Ashamed To Discuss Sex Education And Boundaries With Your Kids – Dr. Nimi Ekere

“Says Social Media made people more aware of Child Sexual Abuse “

The Coronavirus has in no little way made the world appreciate frontline workers more, people who defy odds to stand in gap and keep the society safe. Dr. Nimi Ekere is one of such unsung heroes, working tirelessly to keep us safe. She is a trained medical doctor and a consultant Family Physician. A Fellow of the National Postgraduate Medical College of Family Physicians. She is a life coach, mentor and teacher who is extremely passionate about children and young people, walking in the right path to achieve their full potentials.

She is also very passionate about effective and intentional parenting. Her Foundation, Ekom Charity Foundation mentors’ young people and also cares for the less privileged in the society. She is also the founder of Smile and Shine Children’s Foundation which is a non-profit organisation for children, aimed at preventing child sexual abuse, providing the needed help and support as well as emergency care and treatment with adequate follow up and rehabilitation for victims( children) of sexual abuse. She is the author of a collection of books that teach children and parents all they need to know about child sexual abuse. They include; ‘Some parts are special’ for children aged 2 to 5 years, ‘Setting boundaries’ for elementary schoolers’ , ‘Sparkles at dawn’, for teenagers and young adults and ‘Into the light’ for Parents and guardians.

Dr. Nimi Ekere is also a well sought-after public speaker, and happily married with kids. The inspiring Doctor who is a sought after online for medical and parental advice, shares her journey with me in this mind-blowing interview.

Childhood Preparation

I grew up seeing my mother care so much for others. My mother literally lived for others, especially the indigent. Up till now she still pays fees and house rents for people that are in need. She taught us how to love people, show empathy and go the extra mile for others. Even if I have a warm and calm personality, I can say that the act of giving, showing love and generosity to others were things I saw my mum do, so it became a part of me. My dad on the other hand, made me love to write. He would buy newspapers like Concord, punch and magazines like NewsWatch, prime people etc. and would hand over to me after reading as I would insist, I had to read them. Afterwards, I started to write articles and then I started to write short stories. I would take a wooden spoon and stand on front of the mirror and just talk. I liked Oprah Winfrey and I thought I could talk like her. Looking back, I think my childhood truly did play a significant part in what I am doing today albeit subtly.

Inspiration Behind Ekom Charity Foundation

I have always loved children and young adults. I had always known I would mentor children and since I also have a heart for humanity, I decided to start Ekom Charity Foundation years later to mentor young children and care for the less privileged, especially women. We go to schools to teach children about charting a good course for their lives. They are taught to avoid peer pressure, drugs, all forms of vices and we counsel them too. The foundation also does free medical outreaches and health campaigns.

So far, we have carried out numerous free medical services for the less privileged. We have organised events like Christmas parties in slums with Santa Claus giving wonderful gifts to the children. Most of these kids had never had a Christmas party in their lives and the excitement on their faces remain indelible, to say the least. I am deeply passionate about children…maybe this is because I am the first child.

Smile and Shine is new, and it was started because I had and still have a burning desire to end child sexual abuse. I had seen children become medically and psychologically traumatised because of CSA. Some became suicidal and one of them. Even committed suicide. I have seen parents lose their children to the deleterious effects of CSA. I have also seen people blame the victims or survivors rather than give them the help that they deserve while the perpetrators walk the streets like heroes. I want to stop this.

I want to be able to help children not to get abused in the first place and in the sad event that they get abused, that help is proffered and these children are subsequently reintegrated back into the society and become healthy adults regardless. I want to also break the silence that is attached to CSA. I call it the “don’t tell anyone” phenomenon which is common in this part of the world. I believe that if victims are allowed to speak up, help would come faster and so, healing would also be faster and long lasting.

The Journey So Far

It has been an emotional journey for me, financially tasking and truly time consuming but it is worth every step. As long as a child gets help and never goes back to that experience, I am so happy and fulfilled. I would need collaborations from the government as well as other NGOs as sometimes, the children need more than the emergency medical and psychological care. They could need to go to a safe place as their “homes” might be unsafe for them. We also need justice to be served as the perpetrator should ideally get prosecuted. Again, this would require collaborative efforts from the legal angles and law even agencies.

Being A Medical Doctor, Life Coach, Teacher, Wife, And Mom And Managing It All

It really isn’t easy, but I thank God for the strength and wisdom. I work hard and try my best to give my best at anything I do. I do not joke with my role as a wife and mother. I do well to take care of the Homefront because I believe that your home should be a prototype of what you want to see in the society. So, I spend time with my husband to train our kids. I try to spend time to teach them, support, and nurture them on the right path. It is not surprising that they are always get the best behaviour awards in addition to their outstanding academic awards. I owe it all to God. I also have a supportive husband who is my best friend and stands in just well when I have to be away caring for patients, teaching or mentoring children and young people.

Book Publication

I have published four books for Preschoolers and young children, older children and preteens, teenagers and young adults and parents. So, I have a collection of books for the family on how children can prevent sexual abuse and how they can build a formidable relationship with their parents. The book for parents is an exposé on child sexual abuse. Everything a parent must know; from red flags to tell tale signs and how a child and the family can get help when an abuse occurs, including when and where to get help. Additionally, it also gives practical steps on how a parent- child relationship can be built and sustained. It is indeed a must have for the family.

The Epidemic Of Sexual And Why We Should All Be Involved

I would like to state here that child sexual abuse has always been here with us. Social media has helped a great deal to make people more aware of the menace called CSA. If it appears to be on the rise, I will say that the state of the economy could be contributory. Parents have to work so hard and the child are left in the hands of their nannies and relatives who may even be the abusers. Also, a lot of parents are not friends with their children. Having a good reputation with your child and instilling the right values in them is a step towards preparing CSA. A child who needs to seek validation from external sources is a vulgar child at risk for molestation. Also, parents need to start early to teach their children sex education using age appropriate words and terms. All these are contained in my books.

On Parents Who Hardly Have Time For The Kids

Create time for your kids. No one can take care of your children better than you. No maid or relative can care for your kids better than you. And this is not only for mothers, even fathers should be involved in raising the children. Both parents need to spend time to speak with their kids as often as possible and build a good relationship with their children. Your children should be able to tell you anything without the fear of being judged or criticized.

Being A Medical Doctor And Children’s Advocate

I think it is easier for me because i am taken seriously. The children open to me and tell me things they can never tell their parents and because I create an enabling and confidential environment with them, it makes it lot easier for me. They tell me I am their role model and some even say they want to be doctors when they grow up. I would say that being a doctor makes the walk somewhat easier.

Women Who Inspire Me To Be Better

My mum, Mrs. Joy Raymond; She is an amazing woman who set the pace for what has become my lifestyle today. She is generous, kind, selfless and really caring. All these qualifies I see in myself and I truly thank God for a great mother.

Oprah Winfrey- I love her love for humanity and like I said earlier, I had dreams of being on TV as a child because of Oprah.

Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya was something I admired greatly. I think she was a great woman and I really loved her family values and all she stood for. I still listen to her messages. She inspired me so much.

Being a Woman Of Rubies

I would say that I am a go- getter and once I put my heart to a cause that I think is right, I go all out. Again, I am touching lives, which is what God requires of me as a Christian. I think these and more make me a woman of rubies.

On Protecting Kids From Sexual Abuse During The Pandemic

Make your children your friend. Let them not walk on eggshells when they relate with you. Make sure you call from work to check up on them from time to time. Installing a CCTV would also be of great help. Do not be ashamed to discuss sex education and boundaries with them. Also talk to their caregivers or nannies. Let your children know how to say no to untoward behaviours and advances. Also educate the nannies about your expectations, do’s and don’ts and boundaries.

To place an order for my book , send an email to books@nimiekere.com or send a WhatsApp message to+ 2347038829374

In Interviews&profile June 15, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

“For decades Men Have Been Told To Make The First Move” – Didi Edet, Lagos Matchmaker

Didi Edet is a United States certified and award-winning dating coach in Nigeria. She has been matchmaking for over 7 years but got her certification from the United States in 2015.

The platform Lagosmatchmaker was created as a need for privacy in this dating age. It is a privacy-focused matchmaking platform for singles over 25years to meet like-minded individuals. It has now been extended to every location in the world so we also have clients in Belgium, Dubai and More.

She has her first degree in Economics from the prestigious Howard University and her masters in international strategy from the University of St. Andrews, Scotland. She also works as a statistician for National Bureau of Statistics and has previously worked as a strategist for NEXIM Bank and a data analyst with Debt Management Office. She decided to go into matchmaking as it is a platform that she is passionate about.

How did you start with lagosmatchmaker?
The platform was created to match single individuals above 25 years but with a huge focus on privacy. I did take a couple of courses in a bid to get certified to be more knowledgeable in this area of expertise.

What is the difference between online dating and using a matchmaking platform?
A matchmaking platform comes with support that an online service might not be able to provide. The platform works manually too so you do get to communicate with actual humans that can give you their perspective on things and not an automated service.

What expectations do your clients have with meeting other single individuals?
They do expect the best. Some expectations are reasonable and some are so out there which is what we call the search for the unicorn. With the new age and availability of options, people don’t put in as much effort to get to know a person and at the slightest view of imperfection, the person wants to move on to the next single individual. The process involves us being transparent and clear on giving dating advice to the clients.

What are some of the challenges you have encountered with a new line of business in Nigeria?
I have encountered a lot of challenges. The fact that matchmaking is fairly new to Nigeria in the business sector means there is no blueprint or previous marketing plan to follow.

This was a major challenge to learn how to market and educate the mass about what we do and the process. We are privacy-focused so we have to explain to clients that we don’t have pictures posted of individuals. Things are done manually which doesn’t make the process as efficient but it leads to better results and we are highly focused on the results.

Another major challenge was getting good staff. That took about a year to find the perfect people that understand the job, get them a little bit of training and it’s been a blessing to have people who genuinely care about the clients as I do.

Another challenge is explaining to people what we do. Some people think we give relationship advice which is not what we do. We focus on the dating aspect of life because this is an area I have been certified in and also as a single individual dating, things in this aspect are fresher to my understanding. We are linking individuals together and that’s it.

Why are you manual in your process instead of automated like everyone else?
Being automated like everyone would be less work for us. I would not even need as much staff in an automated service but we found out after moving from automated back to the manual that our results were higher. It’s just different when you can communicate with a person that talks you through the process and tries to understand the difference between what you want and what you need.
The manual process allows to be like a friend to you introducing you to our other friends and rooting for it to work out.

What are the types of people on the platform?
We have a huge variety of people from various locations and various status. We have singles that have never been married, divorced, widowed and more. Our client base can be described as the working class that may not have a lot of time for social activities so outsource a part of their social life to us.

Can clients see pictures of people before they meet them?
Our platform is privacy-focused so this means privacy is our highest priority. We don’t circulate or post pictures of members. However, we can exchange pictures of members with the permission of that party. We have had a lot of successful matches with this formula so we know it’s something that works for us.

Will they have an unlimited number of people to meet when they sign up?
No, you will have a fixed number based on your membership level and this was done to make people take their matches seriously because, in a situation where you have unlimited matches, we have seen people abuse that by finding little excuses to not give the person a chance because they feel there are a million more at their beck and call so they are not as intentional with their choices.

Is this strictly online?
No, we have an office located in the heart of Lekki and it’s open for enquiries but we have found out that majority of our client base are busy, so we are more efficient with the online network and work faster that way.

What advice would you give to singles out there?
I feel everything you want in life can be achieved if we put the effort into it. If you want a job, you get qualifications and make the effort to apply for it. I feel effort should be applied to dating too as opposed to sitting and hoping for things to magically fall in place, I feel if you want love, but the effort to search for it. We are here to make that an easy process.

Can you tell us more about yourself?
I am a certified dating coach with Lagosmatchmaker. We focus on connecting singles above 25 years and letting them enjoy the dating process. We do not divulge into the relationship aspect which is a bit broader. We focus on meeting an individual, having a first and second date.

Why did you go into matchmaking?
Lagosmatchmaker is a privacy-focused matchmaking platform for like-minded individuals and was birthed out of the need for privacy in certain aspects of our lives like dating. A lot of my friends I spoke to wanted to be able to search for a date without leading with who they are.

In this age of Internet fraud, how can one trust online matchmaking?
I don’t think there is any worry with internet fraud with Lagosmatchmaker because it’s not strictly an online matching platform. We do have an office located off Admiralty way, Lekki, Lagos where clients can come in and discuss the process if they so wish. But we discovered that a lot of people don’t have the time which is why a lot of our work is done online.

Who qualifies to consult a matchmaker? And can you be consulted?
Anyone with a busy schedule can consult a matchmaker. I always say it’s the same as outsourcing cleaning or cooking because you don’t have the time to do those things yourself. The same way matchmaking is a service that helps the busy people who have little or no time to socialize and meet someone at their convenience.

Why are men shying away from making the first move?
I would not say men are shying away from making the first move. Men for decades have been told they alone could make the first move but in this new era, women are now able to make the first move so you might find an increase in the number of women searching for a man. Because it’s new and it’s effective than having to choose a spouse out of just the ones that choose you. These days, you can make a choice rather than choosing from your available option.

How should a woman react if she loves a man but feels the man should make the first move?
I would tell that lady to make the move herself because I do believe in communicating what you feel as opposed to being quiet and hoping in some magical way, he should know how you feel.

What are those things that should be put into consideration before going into marriage or a long term relationship?
I stay on the dating aspect of life, not the relationship aspect as I am exploring that myself. Relationships are too broad to try to understand so I rarely divulge into actual relationship discussions or advice.

Any individuals, single and trying to find love can participate. Unlike @lagosmatchmaker that is very focused on privacy, @lmmmixer.ng Is more visible.

The minimum age on the platform is 25yrs. We have currently had an increase in the number of older clients that have signed up. We have a lot of females ages 40 to 55 and males ages 45 to 65. We aim to help everyone find that happiness that comes with companionship.

In Interviews&profile June 15, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

“One Of The Most Difficult Things To Do Is Leading People”- Kolajo Blessing

“Breaking the glass ceiling” is one the best things that came out of Hillary Clinton contesting for Presidency. A tag line she often used during her campaign, to encourage women to take charge and squash their limiting beliefs. Kolajo Blessing is one of such women! She has not just broken through the glass ceiling, but also encouraging other women in her generation to do so.She is the first Female President of OOU Literary and Debating Society and also the first Female President of VeeCee Success Stories, a position she holds in a bid to share stories of young women and men alike, as an undergraduate of Olabisi Onabanjo University. Blessing is also an excellent writer and a great spoken word artist. She recently wowed people with her craft on Instagram when she did spontaneous spoken word session about Slay queens. The double President shares her inspiring journey with me in this interview.

Childhood Preparation
My childhood days prepared me a lot for what I do today, and the things I will still do in the future. I remember growing up was not so fun for me because I took interest in what my age groups do not enjoy doing which was reading literary texts, so I spend more of my time with imaginary characters in novels. My daddy would trek down to the bookshop to buy storybooks for me every weekend, which I would finish reading before he comes back from work, and that was at the age of seven. I enjoyed watching the news, too, which has served as a platform for my exposure because I grew up in a rural environment.

Being the President of OOU Literary and Debating Society and first female president of Veecee Success Stories
If I’m asked I will say one of the most difficult things to do is to lead people. It was difficult waking up to the reality that there are a set of people looking up to me in many aspects, having to think that any bad decision I make affects many others. Having to do all this, along with achieving my academic vision and personal development, gave me a tough time. However, the experience I had has shaped and moulded me into a better person; leadership isn’t easy but it’s worth it.

Being a student and managing my role
Time management and setting priorities. I denied myself of a whole lot of things; I scrapped my fun time totally and fused it into my creativity. I do not attend impromptu programmes, neither do I go for unnecessary visits. My schedule was church, lectures, library, official meetings and any events where I have been called to perform. It wasn’t easy for me because I am a youth and I have needs, but some prices are worth paying to achieve the goal of self-development, which I did because I had the best results of my life during that period.
Using my position to squash stereotype of women holding powerful positions in the society

I set an example by leading the associations even better than my predecessors who were males, because people were wondering that this small girl cannot do it. Also, I remember that each time an assignment was meant to be given or an opportunity arises in any of the associations that I led, what I did was to conduct a capacity test to pick someone suitable for the job. In most cases, the female members perform better and I do not hesitate to pick them since they have proven themselves worthy regardless of the gender reservations that has been for that position, because I believe women are tools for greatness and not humans that should always occupy the backseat. Also, I write to influence the mind of the society positively about the issue of gender discrimination.

Being a Poet
What inspired my poetry is just the need to express myself in a way that is unique and beautiful. However, when I noticed that I am making positive impact, I started doing more and that is what has brought me to limelight and accord this kind of honour to me. Be on the lookout for many things, by June of this year I will be launching three poetry collections for junior secondary school one, two and three titled “Raindrops” and many other great things shall follow.

Three women who inspire you to be better and why
The number one woman that inspired me a lot when I was a child was Professor Dora Akunyili, she was an intelligent woman, I do watch her speak on NTA when I was young. Also, the words of Michelle Obama and Chimamanda Adichie are energy giving shots to my soul.

Challenges of being an undergraduate joggling so many things at once
Managing people especially when they are older than me was the first challenge, getting people of like minds to work with was my second challenge. Lastly, having to cope with challenges of being a teenager/youth, peer pressures and the likes was so difficult.

Being a Woman of Rubies
I am a Woman of Rubies because I am productive, and I have something valuable to offer my generation and beyond. I am beautiful and strong regardless of the circumstances around me.

To young women who are afraid to live their dreams
Dear young girls, the best motivation you can ever have in life is having a clear vision that will always serve as a drive to your success. Never be afraid to accept challenges, never be afraid to bring those dreams into reality, for only the brave can rule this world and do not neglect the place of God, for his grace will always be sufficient for you.

Values OOU has instilled in me as an undergraduate
The first value is perseverance, the harsh condition of the school and its administrative system has taught me to persevere. I can say OOU, through the people that I have met, gave me the best gift I have now which is poetry.

In Interviews&profile June 14, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Nkiru Olumide-Ojo: ‘Including Men In Gender Conversations Helps Greatly’

Nkiru Olumide-Ojo holds two decades of experience in Strategic Marketing and Corporate Communications Management, looking after multinational and national brands in Nigeria and some African Markets. Her work experience spans across various sectors including Financial Services, Aviation, Telecommunication and the Oil and Gas sectors.

An expert Reputation and Crisis Communication Manager, she currently works as Regional Head of Marketing and Communications at a financial services Group in South Africa. Nkiru holds board level experience having sat on the boards of Stanbic IBTC Trustees Limited and CMC Connect Burtson Masteller.

A frequent Conference Speaker, she was the immediate past keynote speaker at Google Nigeria’s 2019 International Women’s Day celebration. London Advertising Week, Africa Public Relations Conference, and Standard Bank’s Blue Heels Women’s Programme are some of the conferences where she has spoken.

Over the past couple of years, Nkiru has had several recognitions such as Leading Woman in Marketing and Communication in 2016, Marketing Personality of the Year 2017, NIPRO’s top 40 under 40(2008), Brand Journalist of Nigeria’s Award for Leading Marketing Personality amongst others. She holds a Master’s degree in Strategic Marketing Management from the Kingston University Surrey, London, alongside a Post-graduate Diploma in Management/first degree in Biological Sciences, and many professional trainings.

Nkiru is the published author of the Pressure Cooker- Lessons From A Woman at Work. A female enthusiast, Nkiru is keen to see women develop leadership skills and is the Founder of a female social development organization, the LightHouse Women’s Network. Nkiru is married to Olumide and they have two children.

In this interview with GuardianWoman, she sheds more light on the activities of the LightHouse Women’s Network as the organisation holds its annual conference today in Lagos.

You were once described as a person of many parts – tell us what that means?
I’m not entirely sure what the person who was describing meant, but I do strongly believe that everyone has the ability to express themselves in more than one way if they choose to and I do so -wholeheartedly. I’m a wife and Mum. I run a social development agency focused on women, I’m an author/writer and I work at an organisation doing marketing and corporate communications.

Tell us about the LightHouse Women’s Network and why you set it up?
The Lighthouse Network was an accidental baby, one that I’m delighted happened.

As an outcome of my personal frustration trying to be the best mum/wife/daughter/daughter-in-law, church worker/friend and more- I was struggling with many bottles dropping- I kept putting my hands up to ask questions at every female gathering I attended- I felt the answers I was getting weren’t assuaging my needs and so I started expressing myself via a column called the PressureCooker.

The outcome of this column was tonnes of questions coming through- I didn’t have the answers (as I was obviously still searching myself). But I realised I could find the answers within my network- I started bringing women within my network together annually to answer these questions- it’s been six years now and we have made it more formal with various signature activities impacting the working woman and the girl getting ready for the workplace.

Give us a peep into the Network and some examples that have worked for some women that others can learn from
We are five principal players with five diverse board of trustees, cutting across three generations- Yomi Badejo-Okusanya, Bunmi Oke, Olumide Ojo, Eniola Edun and Temitope Jemerigbe. Because impact measurement is important to us, we only embark on specific projects and taking on numbers we can deliver on. We have three signature activities- our “Getting the Girl Ready for the Workplace” project – which we carry out in polytechnics and other higher institutions. The CEO Roundtable where we have senior executives glean directly from a CEO and our Standard Mentors Connect Project. For all of these, we follow through to gauge progress participants have made and our virtual group helps foster continuity. We are so far from where we’d love to be, but we are making progress.

You mentioned the column you kept which you said became a book, tell us some of your personal struggles that you shared in your book
I talked about the maternal wall- and what I call mummy guilt- the one you feel as a working mum who is away from her children. I talked about why sponsorship is so important for women, I talked about the boy’s club, my faith, the error of not managing your boss well and the one dearest to my heart, lessons from failing- specifically about not making moments of failure monuments of failure, rather to learn from it.

What informed the analogy of your book with the kitchen pressure cooker?
Definitely the pressure I was feeling as a working young mum- I consistently felt like I was being boiled in a pressure cooker!

Do you think it would be proper for employers to give working mothers some concession at work?
I do think so for it would improve productivity- and I’m not talking flexible work hours alone, I mean things like breastfeeding room or even crèches, if the company can afford it. The physiology of breastfeeding is such that the mom does need to express breast-milk during work hours and you’d agree the bathroom isn’t the best place. It would be brilliant of the organisation if it can include a crèche to help both get the mothers’ hearts at rest and get more out of them.

As workplace readiness is something the Lighthouse focuses on, what do you think are the top three skills required for the girl to succeed in the workplace?
. Communication – The ability to understand what is being said as well express yourself clearly, confidently-
. Thinking/Problem Solving Skills – the real reason corporates are set up is to solve problems- you’ve got to have the ability to think up solutions. Having the right attitude- completely non-negotiable, as this is a basis for learning and growing within organisations

What in your view precludes women from advancing in the workplace?
I believe sometimes we stand in our own way- I mean our beliefs- that some roles are unattainable and therefore we limit our ambitions. I can assure you if we took a poll of 100 girls working in an office, only 10 per cent are aiming to be CEOs of that organisation- the rest don’t quite care.

The maternal wall also manifests itself in ways that makes the career trajectory a bit uneven as we do take off maternal time. I think in some industries-the boys club still exists- a club where males think some roles are exclusively theirs.

How do you think we can curb the above?
I think by instituting policies in this regard. Some sectors have strong policies requiring businesses to achieve gender-balance in management and this same policy has ensured balanced representation in some countries. Rwandan government has a balanced representation of both genders, with young females holding very interesting positions. Most importantly, I think including men in the gender conversations helps greatly which is why our signature event this year is themed: Views From The Other Side and we are having four generations of men discuss the woman and the workplace. It is our view that only when they know what the issues are can they support wholly.

How have you been able to maintain the work-life balance?
I have a work like integration approach- where I have structured work into my life. Structured because it does have a specific time allocated to it all day round, similar to how I have structured the many other important things in my life- each then takes its order of priority- faith, family, work, socials, but then again there is an art required in the blending. Lastly, I think the frustration comes from trying to do all at once! Some things will have to take a backseat at different times.

As an example, my social life took a back- seat once when I had a fast-paced work, really because I had to balance other facets- I made up for that way later.

What’s your advice for women who are still struggling with it?
Having a good home support system, a supportive spouse. I meet working girls everyday, who have what I think to be the strangest hang-ups such as, “I like to do everything in my house myself,” “I don’t like my in-laws.” I think both are strange hang-ups if you work because you can reasonably outsource the first in order to spend more time on another equally important thing or the latter. Your in-laws can serve as a support system for your children rather than strangers.

With your busy career, how helpful and supportive has your husband been?
My husband works as well and has females in his team, added to myself, his sisters, he does have full “consumer insights” and is fully supportive of the working woman.
Mention some of your favourite female authors.

Brene Brown is my latest hang-up, I’m currently lapping up every book she has written and can’t get enough of her- her authenticity in embracing notions people typically wouldn’t want to talk about completely inspires me-vulnerability and shame. A few of the obvious -Chimamanda Adichie, Sefi Attah. Their way with words and the ability to keep you suspended from reality days after you have dropped their books. Otherwise, I love my good old John Maxwell, Norman Vincent Peale- I always have their books around me.

How has mentorship helped to shape your career and lifestyle and how are you helping to mentor younger women?
I actually am a product of many mentors/teachers- bosses, pastors, leaders who have been instrumental to my all round growth – my husband Olumide Ojo, Ephraim Osunde, Funke Felix-Adejumo, Yomi Badejo-Okusanya are the ones for whom I have pulled out a seat to be directly mentored, otherwise, I have been mentored informally by many, especially my bosses and pastors. In return I do have structured mentees assigned from the Lighthouse Women’s Mentors Connect.

Who are the women you admire and why?
Funke Felix-Adejumo-for her uncanny wisdom, Sola David-Borha for her many accomplishments delivered with amazing humility, Mo Abudu, for being many things having made a detour from a corporate life.
Arianna Huffington for being many things after Huffington post. Then a few of the obvious- Oprah for making giving so intrinsic to success. I could go on.

Aside writing what are your other interests?
Poetry (sorry I know you said asides writing) but poetry is a new exploratory ground for me and I’m embracing it. I love comedy festivals and stage performances- I love a good laugh. I’m also exploring a few outdoor sports, I haven’t liked any as yet, but then again, I haven’t been consistent- I’d be a bit more confident to speak around these shortly.

Tell us about growing up, family life.
I grew up in a small family in Port Harcourt.
My dad worked in Total and Brossette before he set up his own business, my mum worked in First Bank before resigning to look after the home. My father it was who instilled values for the workplace in us. Till his death, his first question during his daily call was “ I hope you got to work on time?’’
We grew up in an area called D/Line, with neighbours as close friends, a children’s club on our street and an Anglican church nearby. I loved PHC, with our sharp wits and mouth. I often say PHC imbues you with some natural confidence.

What’s your personal style and what are your favourite colours?
Classic- I’m not given to trends, as I’d like that my look remains timeless. I love colours, I find black so boring and constantly needing to be “brightened up”.

I therefore only wear it to work, once it isn’t a work function or environment- I express myself in bold colours.

What’s relaxation for you?
Sleeping.

Your life’s mantra?
You don’t walk so lightly that you don’t leave footprints- make sure your footprints make a good impact.

Advise for younger women trying to climb the career ladder
You can. There’s also a God factor- he causes “time and chance to happen.’’ You should pray to “be lucky.”

Source: Marie Diamond for Guardian Woman

In Interviews&profile June 9, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

MIT Elects First Black Woman As Student Body President

Sophomore Danielle Geathers just made history after being elected as the student body president at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. The win makes her the first Black woman to lead the undergraduate association.

A mechanical engineering major, Geathers and her running mate, Yu Jing Chen, presented a well balanced platform that focused on unity, equity and authenticity.

“Someone asked if the UA president was a figurehead role [during the debate]. I think no, but minimally, a black female in that role will squash every perception that MIT is still mostly white and male. Minimally, the immediate image of that will make MIT a more welcoming and inclusive place,” Geathers told the school’s paper, The Tech.

Prior to running for office Geathers founded the “Talented Ten”, a program focused on increasing applications and enrollment amongst Black women at MIT by pairing high school juniors with current students.

Geathers’ statement on the organization’s website reads, “I have created the Talented Ten because I understand the value that black females bring to campus while also understanding the tremendous loss the MIT community experiences when a qualified, underrepresented minority student chooses to not enroll.”

Now with Geathers’ in place as the student body president, she’s focused on pushing MIT to become a place where all students receive the institutional support they need to thrive.

Congratulations Danielle! We’re rooting for your success!

Source: Becauseofthemwecan

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