On Friday, 19th June, Ada Osakwe, award-winning food entrepreneur & investor, and Founder of The Nuli Juice Company, delivered the convocation address to the Kellogg School of Management Class of 2020. She is the first African to be given this honour and fourth black woman; following in the footsteps of outstanding Black-Americans Edith Cooper, Global Head of Human Capital at Goldman Sachs in 2017, Roslyn Brock, Chairman Emeritus of the NAACP in 2012 and media titan Oprah Winfrey, in 2011.
With a critical phase of their lives upended by the ongoing global health pandemic, the class of 2020 completed the last few months of their MBA degree Program virtually, instead of on campus in the classroom, and they will receive their diplomas in the mail or on their phones. Recognizing the need to offer extra inspiration at this extraordinary moment in history, in her commencement speech, Osakwe praised them for their bravery, resilience and courage!
For Ada, it’s important to believe in yourself to make it through challenging times: “So in your quest to thrive, there will be curve-balls thrown your way and you’ll have to take risks, it’s a given. But you’ve just got to trust your journey,” she advised the graduating students. As a Black-African, in her speech, Osakwe said she will always speak out against racial injustice and urged the non-blacks to also find their voices on this issue as allies to ensure there is more equality, tolerance and acceptance for all.
There are so many Nigerians living in the diaspora making us proud, Adebola Adefioye is one of them. She is not only raising the flag high, but also empowering other women while at it.
She is a proven resilient woman whose work with women and youth span over 10 years. She coordinated the “For Girls Only” program at The Real Woman Foundation, Lagos, Nigeria for some years. Aside from her natural interest in the social sector, she has also deployed professional services in the childcare sector. She is a Registered Early Childhood Educator in Ontario and an alumna of Coady International Institute where she studied Advancing Women Leadership in Conflict Transformation, Peacebuilding and Community Development.
Adebola is a Certified Speaker, Coach and Trainer with The John Maxwell Team and she founded Afro Women and Youth Foundation, an organization she started to support the holistic development of vulnerable African women, girls, and youth. This is where she deploys her advocacy strengths and leadership skills to deconstruct the enormous, socially constructed injustices in the society while empowering, mentoring, and developing leadership skills of marginalized populations.
Adebola is married with 3 adorable children. Her social entrepreneurship and educational commitment work got recognition recently as she was named the recipient for the 2020 HELIX Female Entrepreneurship Award and Walker Wood Foundation Early Childhood Educator Award at Seneca College, Ontario, Canada. She was also nominated as a Woman of Inspiration at Universal Women’s Network, Canada.
She is a professional member of the College of Early Childhood Education (CECE), Ontario, Family Support Institute of Ontario (FSIO) and Association of Early Childhood Educators, Ontario (AECEO) Canada.
Childhood Influence
Yes, growing up prepared me for what I am doing now. Growing up was good until things turned around when my father had to retire earlier than planned from his banking job in Nigeria because the bank wanted to recruit young graduates. Our family’s financial situation changed quickly because we are a polygamous family and the available funds were no longer enough for all. I had to drop out of the University of Ado-Ekiti and struggled a lot by myself after that event but all the experiences helped me to build resilience and now I can relate when I see young girls going through a difficult situation.
Inspiration behind Afro Women and Youth foundation
I have always known that women and girls are very vulnerable, and as a new immigrant, I faced some difficulties. I experience subtle racism regularly and my daughter experienced it very hard from Grade 2-3 because she was the only black girl in class. I kept coaching her on how best to handle it. Eventually, she built enough confidence and she started speaking up whenever necessary. Last year, she won the award for Most Confident Child in grade 5. My personal experience and my daughter’s inspired me to start the Afro Women and Youth Foundation. At AWYF, we currently run monthly empowerment events for marginalized African women, girls and youth in Toronto, Canada. Some of our past sessions include (The Resilient Woman, Be The Best, How to Handle Peer Pressure, Integration in Canada Positive Parenting Strategies etc).
The journey been so far?
It has been very fulfilling. Helping others makes me and my team very happy. We just hope the people we are helping now will someday extend the love to other people.
Being the recipient of the 2020 HELIX Female Entrepreneurship Award , and Several notable Awards in Canada
I felt very good. I worked very hard as a club leader, mentor, and tutor to other students at the college and also support new African immigrants in my community. I am very happy and thankful.
Challenges of being a Social Entrepreneur
Getting sustainable funds to implement my transformative ideas has been the most challenging part of my work. This is because we are a new nonprofit. I am very grateful for the individuals and organizations that currently support my work and very hopeful for more support and collaborations.
3 Women Who Inspire you to be better and why?
My mother is my greatest inspiration. I watched her return to school after 6 children and moved herself out of dependency to becoming an independent woman. She has also faced many other challenges but she remains strong.
Pastor Adenike Adeyemi is another person I strongly admire and working at her organization (The Real Woman Foundation) for 4 years as the “For Girls Only” program coordinator further prepared me for the social developmental work I do today.
Mrs. Omowale Ogunrinde, the executive director of Field of Skills and Dreams, Lagos is another great inspiration to me. She employed me as Hat & Beads Trainer after I dropped out of the University and moved to Lagos from Ibadan. I watched her every day at work as she runs her business with strong principles.
Bridging the gap between my work in Canada and Nigeria
We recently started virtual training that is open to women and youth living in Nigeria and other parts of Africa. We just concluded a Self-Care training for educators last month and people joined from Burundi and Nigeria. We also did another one for youth and all who attended both events were given cash gifts by a sponsor as COVID-19 relief.
AWYF will be celebrating the 1st anniversary in September and to mark the event, we will be launching an Interest-free small business loan for Gender-Based Violence (GBV) victims who have established small businesses. This is coming with the help of a sponsor who is interested in fighting GBV in Nigeria. This intervention program will be delivered in partnership with Attitude Development International (ADI) and only those who have officially reported their experience and have started their businesses will be eligible for the funds. These are things Nigerian women can benefit from.
Being a Social Entrepreneur, Research Assistant at Seneca College, a Mom and wife, and managing it all
I am a strong-willed person and I think multi-tasking is one of my gifts. I also have a very supportive husband who is equally a social entrepreneur and believes in women’s empowerment.
The pandemic has made a lot of Nigerian women vulnerable, What coping mechanism advice would you give to these women at a time like this.
I would recommend regular breathing exercises. Every woman should regularly make a list of things they are thankful for as those can bring great joy in this difficult time. Also, it is important to hang out with good friends who make you happy. It could be a physical or virtual connection, but we all need that sense of connection at this time. Lastly, I’ll say, ask for help when you need it. I must also add that women should please speak out when experiencing any form of violence.
Being a Woman of Rubies?
I have had many negative experiences over the years and through mentorship, coaching and personal development, I have learned how to consistently bounce back and thrive in the face of adversity. Most importantly, helping others to do the same is what makes me a Woman of Rubies.
Speaking, Training, Mentoring and Coaching Services
You can contact Adebola if you need her to speak at your event or interested in her mentorship/coaching programs. She also provides Qualitative professional Early Childhood Educator training to schools, religious or any child-focused organizations.
Abiodun Emiola Alabi is a passionate Human resource professional and serial entrepreneur. She is very keen about people and performance management. She is an enthusiastic and self-motivated professional with over 12 years experience in human capital management, business development and social entrepreneurship.
She has a BS.c in Business Administration and Management. ‘Biodun is also an associate member of Chartered Institute Personnel Management of Nigeria (CIPM) and Nigeria Institute of training and development (NITAD) respectively. She’s alumni of Day star leadership academy.
Abiodun is also the founder of the foremost Moms platform; Motherhood Nigeria Initiative, where she shares tips and educate moms on how to navigate the journey . Through her platform she has empowered and supported women in undeserving communities through her “Project Safe Birth” Initiative.
She shares her story in this interview with Esther Ijewere
Childhood Preparation
My childhood definitely prepared me to build resilience and empathy. It taught me to create lemonade from any lemon experience. Growing up was not quite exciting for me. From a family of 6 (six) children, I happened to be the forth born and the last daughter of my family.During my secondary school days, my family lived in a face-me and face-you house in Ibadan. Then, we had a young couple as our neighbours. The man’s wife was friendly and industrious. However, she had complications during the childbirth of her second baby which led to excess bleeding and she later passed on. The situation of her children after her death was unpleasant as there was no proper care for her children. This situation made me determine to strive to support motherhood in the future.
Inspiration behind Motherhood Nigeria Initiative
I have always believed women can solve many of the societal problems when there is synergy. In 2018, when Bill Gate visited Nigeria, he said, “Nigeria is one of the most dangerous places to give birth with the forth worst maternal mortality rate in the world…” His statement made me remember the incident of a woman that bled to death during her child birth when I was in secondary school. So I began to think, read and research how I could proffer solutions to the reduction of maternal mortality in Nigeria. That gave birth to Motherhood Ng Initiative; a woman-led NGO purposely established to improve the maternal and child health in rural communities in Nigeria.
The Journey so far
It has been enlightening and challenging, I must say. It has stretched me to live my comfort zone. Since we started, we have trained women in five states in Nigeria as changed agents for maternal and child health in communities closest to them. This is made possible through the members of our online community for mothers and mothers-to-be for almost six years. We have done community outreach to campaign and promote the family planning to women and their families. In June 2020, we launched Project Safe Birth and it has reached more than 50 pregnant women with free safe birth kits. We shall continue to address issues that concern women within reproductive age and children under age five.
Project Safe Birth
Project Safe Birth was launched to focus on improving maternal and neonatal health, increase the quality of lives of mothers and newborns with provision of free safe birth kits for pregnant women as well as providing health education and advisory. This project will also embark on family planning awareness for both mothers and their spouses. We recently launched this project and it has provided over 50 safe birth kits for pregnant women in two states. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends six steps to prevent infection during childbirth. Our safe birth kits contain items that prevent infection which is one of the leading causes of maternal and infant mortality. Project Safe Birth’s target is to provide 10,000 safe birth kits to pregnant women in rural communities in Nigeria before the end of 2020.
Challenges
The challenges I experienced since the establishment of our NGO have really helped me to think outside the box to create funding solution for the sustainability of our vision.
One of the challenges is funding. Presently, we seek for partnerneship with interested organizations and supportive individuals to reach out to more women in rural communities.
Being a Member of Several Organisations
I am an associate member of Chartered Institute personnel management of Nigeria and Nigeria Institute of training and Development respectively. My thirst for personal development and human capital development can be linked to it. I always believe human resources are the most important resources to sustain an organization.
Women who Inspire me
Pastor Funke Adejumo; the Convener of Winning Edge Women Conference and Founder of Funke-Felix Adejumo Foundation. She is an exemplary woman of unusual grace and courage.
Mrs. Ibukun Awosika. She is a global, phenomenal and fearless woman. She has achieved global recognition and attained heights that break gender barriers.
Impact of the Motherhood Nigeria page
The Motherhood Nigeria social media page was created almost six years ago on BBM channel and migrated to Instagram two years ago with the community of twelve thousand mothers and mothers-to-be.
The platform has impacted mothers in racing their children and helped them to make informed decisions in their motherhood journey.
Work life balance
It is difficult to explain how I cope with multiple responsibilities. I realized that there is nothing like work life balance but work life integration. So I try as much as possible to prioritize being a mother and wife over work and vice versa.
Coping Mechanism during the pandemic
Be resilient and stay focus. The solution you are looking for is in you. Look inward. There is abundance locks up in you waiting to manifest. Be contented.
Being a Woman of Rubies
I am a woman of rubies because I am solution oriented and resilient. I believe in women providing solutions to communities.
Nigerian Activist Lolo Ihesie has revealed she recently discovered she was circumcised as a child and that makes her feel violated and hurt.
Her mother disclosed to her about being circumcised after she saw her teaching her younger sister about Female Genital Mutilation(FGM) and its implications.
According to her mother, every woman in their family was subjected to female genital.
Lolo Ihesie added that despite being circumcised and not having a clitoris head , she has been able to play around it to find her G spot.
She advised ladies to ask their mother about being circumcised or visit a gynaecologist to find out.
Posting a photo of herself ,she wrote on Instagram;
“At 3 months old, my family cut out my clitoral head (FGM1) because they didn’t want me to grow up to be promiscuous.
This was never disclosed to me till I was an adult whilst I was educating my younger sisters about FGM and its implications.
Naturally, I am curious about my body and I teach about sex and pleasure – I noticed that I didn’t have a clitoral head but never wanted to believe that it was due to FGM
I assumed I just didn’t have a thick clitoral tissue even though direct stimulus to the clit hurts and I need to work around the clitoris to find my pleasure spot since the external tissue where most of the pleasure spot is located was cut.
I feel violated and incredibly hurt by this discovery but at the end – It has given me insight as to why I am where I am and why my message about violation against women is important to me.
I am an igbo girl and this is common in igbo land.
My mother said it was done to every girl she knows including her- mothers did it to their daughters.. some still do.
I encourage you to speak to your mothers and ask if they cut you or go to a gynecologist to inquire.
I share this because I need other young girls to see that FGM does not define us or our sexuality.
We deserve pleasure!
You can work with your body to learn what gives you that pleasure no matter what! ”
Actress Javicia Leslie is making history after being cast as the first Black “Batwoman” by television network The CW, Variety reports.
Leslie is an upcoming actress, known for her roles on CBS’ “God Friended Me,” BET’s “The Family Business,” and the film “Always a Bridesmaid.” Now the starlet will play the lead role as “Batwoman” on The CW.
The trailblazing actress playsRyan Wilder, a new character on the show described as “likeable, messy, a little goofy and untamed.” Wilder will replace Kate Kane, formerly played by Ruby Rose. Ryan spends years living a life of crime and becomes known for her fighting skills.
“I am extremely proud to be the first Black actress to play the iconic role of Batwoman on television, and as a bisexual woman, I am honored to join this groundbreaking show which has been such a trailblazer for the LGBTQ+ community,” Leslie said.
Odunayo Eweniyi a serial tech entrepreneur and one of the forces to be reckoned with in Nigeria’s (fin)tech space.
Straight after bagging a first class degree in Computer Engineering from Covenant University, Odunayo and six of her friends – Somto Ifezue, Joshua Chibueze, Ayo Akinola, Ibukun Akinola, Terry Kanu, Nonso Chinagorom, set up Push CV, a ob site with a really large database of pre-screened candidates.
Somto, Joshua, and Odunayo then went on to set up PiggyBank.ng (now PiggyVest), in 2016, following a social media post where a woman said she kept a “kolo” (piggybank) where she was putting money into everyday.
One of Odunayo’s co-founders, Josh saw this, and decided to see if they can digitise the concept. They spoke to their Push CV users about how else they can help them, and savings was the top choice.
By this time, Push CV was already profitable and this new idea might be the next big thing.
Indeed it was! They launched that same year and the reception was impressive. By the end of that year, users had saved N26m, and when the following year (2017) was ending, users had saved close to N1bn.
Piggybank.ng moved from a savings platform, to an investment platform, promising over 13% ROI to users.
PiggyVest “helps you stop excessive spending by allowing you save and invest money you would normally be tempted to spend,” the company says on its website.
In 2018, PiggyVest (then Piggybank.ng) raised $1.1m in funding from almost exclusively Nigerian investors.
Prior to Push CV and PiggyBank, Odunayo worked on content and social media management at various tech platforms, including some of the big names – TechCabal and Techpoint, learning all she could about running a business, more importantly, a tech business.
PiggyVest now has over 200,000 users who it says, have saved over N1bn in January 2019 alone.
Odunayo made the World Women in Fintech Power List for 2017 and is a 2018 Westerwelle Young Entrepreneurs fellow. She’s also been named on YNaija’s Powerlist for Technology (2017 & 2018).
Meet Latosha Stone, the brains behind Proper Gnar, the first Black women owned skateboard company.
According to Black Enterprise, Proper Gnar was created by Stone in 2013. Over the last several years, Stone has continued to grow her business, channeling her love for the sport into custom skateboards, clothing and paraphernalia that reflects her personal aesthetic. The company is a lifestyle brand geared towards teen girls and young women interested in skateboarding or alternative fashion. Stone’s skateboards have been featured on HBO’s “Betty,” a show about girls who skate, and on Beyonce’s Black Parade Route, a recently curated directory of Black owned businesses.
“Skateboarding has traditionally been a man’s sport, which is why I am so passionate about my role as a Black woman who challenges past assumptions and shows that skateboarding is for all of us. I take pride in creating authentic and beautiful art that stands out from other skate brands. I live and breathe skating and art, and I think that is reflected in the work I produce,” Stone said.
In addition to the products Stone sells, she also helps bring women skaters to the forefront of the sport through sponsorship. “I believe that representation is the key to having more young girls interested in skating. Genuinely loving skateboarding means you have to advocate and support it when you can,” said Stone.
Dr. Abosede Lewu is an Obstetrician and Gynaecologist(@naijaobgyndoctor), Development Practitioner, Girls and Womens right and education advocate and an aspiring author. She is the founder of Girlsaide Initiative , an NGO focused on girls, women and underserved communities. Girlsaide Initiative is currently implementing several project around sexual and reproductive health and contributing towards achieving the SDGs.
Abosede has over 15 years experience on adolescent based issues with her interest and passion spanning back to her undergraduate years. She was a member, secretary and vice president of Action Group on Adolescent Health (AGAH) under the Campaign Against Unwanted pregnancy during her undergraduate years.
She actively serves as a facilitator, volunteer and mentor to several young people with numerous organizations.
She is a Mandela Washington Fellow (Young African Leadership Initiative) a flagship program by President Barrack Obama recognizing Young Africans showing leadership skill and improving lives and their communities.
She is an alumnus of University of Maiduguri, where she graduated with Honours.
She is continuously learning with various certifications such as Nonprofit Executive Program: Mendoza Business School from University of Notre Dame USA, Community health for all through Primary Health Care from John Hopkins University and Basics of Health Economics from World Bank Institute. She is a Member, West African College of Surgeons and Member, National Postgraduate Medical College.
She is happily married with children.
She shares her inspiring story in this exclusive interview with Esther Ijewere
Growing Up
Yes, my childhood definitely did. We nearly lost our mother during childbirth of one of my younger siblings. As a kid then, I saw the doctors that saved her as angels that gave me back my mother and really wanted to be able to do the same for other families. Growing up was interesting, we are 5 kids, I am the second born and first daughter, my parents were civil servants and we travelled a lot due to my father’s work, this had made me make friends all over the country. I am also one of those lucky girls, my father and mother raised us to be ambitious and fearless, growing up, i never saw myself as someone that could not do anything i set out my mind to do
Inspiration behind Girlsaide Initiative
I was inspired to start girlsaide because of the experiences and cases I saw as a medical student and medical doctor. Young girls and women presenting with life threatening and sometimes, life taking complications that could have been prevented.
I also noticed a disconnect between parents and their adolescent daughters and decided to create a platform that allows the girls, women and the communities they live in to thrive.
The Journey so far
It’s been enlightening and challenging at the same time. I have learned and stretched beyond my greatest imagination. It has also become an amazing platform for me to meet a lot of changemakers nationally and internationally.
It has evolved to include projects such as ‘Get a Pap Campaign to reduce Cervical Cancer, to Keep All Mothers Alive project to prevent maternal and perinatal deaths and our COVID19 response. Some others focused on parents with adolescent daughters girls and those leaving to obtain higher education. We keep evolving to address issues affecting our niche. It has made me more of a development practitioner
Being an Obstetrician , Gynecologist, Girl child advocate, wife and mom , and managing it all
Sometimes I can’t explain how I juggle all but let me try. Once you realise balance is in constant motion, you do what is most important at each time.
So sometimes you have to prioritise being a mother and a wife above all, then sometimes you have to prioritise your work and your calling.
I also enjoy an amazing support system on the home front and my whole family, we plan together even before rolling out. This gives me confidence that when balance seems to be tilting towards work, they are in good hands. Shout out and thank you to my Hubby and the whole family. I also have an amazing inner circle of friends and team members. The advocacy and community work we do has become a team work and that makes sharing of roles and duties easier and more effective.
There is also my ultimate joker, the God factor, he is my ultimate muscle
Inspiration behind @naijaobgyndoctor platform , and it’s impact since inception
It still boils down to my experiences. People call me everyday on different health challenges, myths, avoidable complications and I am always surprised by how much misinformation that is out there. Also with the mass migration of health workers to outside shores, the number of specialists to people population is getting lesser. How about people that cannot access me directly or other doctors. I decided to give it a try.
The impact in this short time across my social media platform has been amazing. I have been able to provide consultations, referral services to women and families. I am also actively engaging influencers to demystify and educate through healthy conversations around health and well being.
I also noticed a lack of support for women who have had miscarriages, stillbirths or lost a child and launched RAINBOW BLOOMS to support them. The uptake of that has also been phenomenal.
The Society and it’s level of awareness on issues centered around adolescents, and the right of the girl child
Society is not as well informed as it should be on adolescent issues or girl child issues. Most of this results from the underestimation of their minds and capability and not realising that youthfulness is a strength.
Another issue affecting this information is that some people are not willing to embrace the fact that the roles, dreams and aspirations of girls have changed so they will rather keep upcoming girls uninformed so as to maintain status quo.
Things are however changing, it may not be as fast as we hope for but there is a forward movement especially with organisations like yours and ours and other advocates continuously pushing the conversations that engage adolescents and girls.
On young girls who need a listening ear, but scared to open up
A problem shared is a problem half solved. This really frustrates me especially with regards to their reproductive health and cases of drug abuse. When girls get into trouble, only few have the confidence and the kind of relationship it takes to walk up to their parents and guardians to talk to them instead they go to their friends who don’t know so much. I implore them to please speak up. The fear you have is not as big as the trouble you can get into with wrong advice. Deliberately seek out your parents to also build a solid relationship with them, as young girls, they may not believe this, but they are not your enemy, don’t lock them out. If this does not work, look within your family and find a responsible confidant
Challenges of being girl child advocate
Sometimes, you meet people who feel that the girl child issues have been talked about too much and we should all move on. A stronger challenge comes from the gate keepers of culture and tradition who want things to continue as they are, girls not going to school, marrying them off young, ostracizing teenage mothers, not paying attention to their menstrual health etc. This can be frustrating especially when they are women.
The challenge of explaining and defining the real meaning of feminism and gender equity is also there.
3 women who inspire you to be better and why
My mother; She inspires me through her intelligence, resilience, love for God and her forgiving spirit, she is truly a gem
Mrs Amina J Mohammed
Deputy Secretary General of the United Nations. She has been an exemplary Diplomat and politician. I admire her greatly and all she has achieved and represents
Mrs Folorunsho Alakija
She is a ceiling breaker, she has excelled and achieved global recognition in a tough field. She also gives back a lot through her foundations and programs
There are many more women who all inspire me to reach for the stars
Being a Woman of Rubies
I am a woman of rubies because I am innovative, solution oriented, not observing rather I am actively working to provide solutions to problems affecting my gender and community
Nuggets on how Girls can protect themselves during the Pandemic
Protect yourself from COVID19 by practicing all safety measures; stay home, wash your hands, use cloth masks when needed, maintain social distance. Protect yourself from dangers that can arise due to COVID19; don’t succumb to negative peer pressure, don’t experiment with bad stuff just because you are at home and bored. If you feel unwell speak to your parents and guardians, please do not self medicate for any condition you may be experiencing. This too shall pass.
NAIJA OBGYN DOCTOR is a health service provision entity that focuses on women, all health services related to them especially sexual and reproductive health.
CALL TO ACTION
I want to use this opportunity to call on the government at all levels, private sector leaders and philanthropists to make investment in health a top priority and know that only healthy citizens can create and maintain wealth and build the economy.
One of the many reasons why women stay in abusive relationships is due to lack of information on where they can go, where to report, and how to leave without “Poking the bear”. The pandemic has in no little way birth an epidemic of incessant cases of Rape and Domestic Violence. A situation that is fast becoming the order of the day, with different hashtag trends to help bring it to the fore.
Osasu Edobor is one of the women on the frontlines advocating for victims of Domestic Violence, and using her voice and resources where it matters.
Osasu is a social development expert with over twelve years’ experience as a gender advocate infusing new media and technology to propagate gender inclusion. She is the Curator of HERFESSIONS mobile app, an anonymous online platform for survivors of sexual violence to access resources, group support, information and ultimately a community to work-out the journey to recovery.
She holds a Master’s degree in Managerial Psychology from the University of Lagos, a 2016 African American Institute Scholar with a certificate in Social Sector Management from the Enterprise Development Centre of the Pan Atlantic University, Lagos, and also a 2018 Mandela Washington Fellow with a certificate in Civic Leadership from Rutgers University, the state of New Jersey, USA.
She previously worked as the Programme Director of the Bimbo Odukoya Foundation where she facilitated the provision of GBV intervention schemes such as a temporary safe house for survivors of Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse, and gender responsive programming for young people. Prior to full switch into the development space, she worked in Media and Advertising producing family content and branding, whilst volunteering with numerous non-profit organization.She is versatile, exploring the boundaries of social development via her organization. She shares her Inspiring journey and recent feat with Esther Ijewere in this exclusive Interview.
Childhood Preparation
I grew up in a family of 5 girls and an only brother, my father despite wanting a boy or two didn’t spare us. We did everything a man would do around the house, it did not help that he was an Engineer, so we lived by the rule Maintenance culture. This however was a huge contrast to what we saw in extended family. It toughened me, to see family members, being victimized. The high point of growing up was watching my mother turn her biology lectures to sexual reproductive health conversations and continually counselling girls my age and building self esteem in as many as sought her help in our neighbourhood.
HERfessions support group
Inspiration behind HERfessions
I had run a shelter for domestic violence and sexual violence survivors and for the women it was a great concern that we couldn’t maintain therapy for them, as it became next to impossible to get them to come back physically. We thought that by providing an online platform of engagement, It minimized the physical movement, helped to build a community for much needed support
The Journey so far
It has been rewarding, fulfilling and hectic all wrapped in one. Whilst one delights in the increased awareness, and heightened knowledge of self worth in Women, the lags of poor enforcement of law makes seeking Justice the path of a rabble rouser, which is a cape I wear proudly.
Working in different sectors across board, and pitching my tent in the GBV sector
Indeed, with my career start in Media, I saw that the Women were portrayed continually as objects of enjoyment instead of human beings capable of great things. Pivotal to my switch was a volunteer training I involved myself with in the Makoko axis of Lagos, despite it been an empowerment initiative, I found I engaged with quiet a number of battered women, who were helpless and lacking in knowledge of how to pursue Justice.
That spurred me to build a career in Non profit management with a huge focus on Gender based Violence, despite having held jobs that spoke to Civic Education, Sexual Reproductive Rights, Education, Health to name a few.
Being a fellow of different development organisations
As an avid knowledge seeker, two fellowships stand out for me. At the Enterprise Development Center, Of the Lagos Business School, were I partook of The Social Sector Management, and most recently as 2018 Mandela Washington Fellowship, a exchange program facilitated by the US Government for young exceptional African leaders. These fellowships opened a network of people, resources and allies, whilst also ensuring I garnered skill that were best practice.
HERfessions helping to nab an abusive man
Indeed it was a great achievement for us as an organisation. The perpetrator in a brazen act had beat up his spouse and posted on a social media bragging about the ability of the police to effect an arrest against him. been the tool that social media is it received a lot of attention, as well as the speedy intervention of the state. He was charged to court and the legal process of ensure the safety of the survivors is still underway.
Nigerians knowledge of the GBV Sector
We have a long way to go in first domesticating the laws that will protect women and girls across the country, and a longer road to change the narrative and culture of impunity towards women. Whilst some states have done extensive work, there is need to ensure the advocacy done is implemented through laws institutionalization and enforcement. As a Country, we need to begin to engage all facets of endeavor to change the narrative attached with to rape, domestic violence or sexual violence in general. Sexual Violence is perpetuated in any environment where there is power. We must ensure we have systems that can check power, be it at the office, church, mosque, market, home, school, or community. We must engage the media (with special reference to Africa Magic) to tell better stories, tell corrective stories that can shape a culture of zero tolerance to Gender Based Violence.
Why I created the HERfessions App
The HERfessions mobile app is a great resource for women and girls available on playstore. It is an anonymous platform to receive support and find help to deal with all forms of sexual violence, available on playstore now.
– Also in commemoration of the June 19th (elimination of sexual violence in conflict) and the recent epidemic of several rape killings on your girls, we have through out Cast project launch a series to address men with the hashtag #menchangingthenarrative series.
Challenges as an Advocate
People’s general assumptions of you been a rabble-rouser , particularly as a young woman, one continual contends with people who do not value the work been done. the greatest really is the ingrained culture in women who do not believe when issues escalate, the governments help can be sort via the Police. Asides this, the grave challenges of systemic failure in pursuing justice, is a sad tale every advocate can attest to. Finally, justice comes at a great cost. We need structures that make leave abusive situations easy. structures like Shelters, Half-way homes, Cost of therapy, and legal fees, Whilst Advocates continually gives this services at no cost to the Survivors, there are huge cost, that most offset, for justice( and healing) to be served. It is my earnest appeal that individuals begin to make it a part of their life style to support a charity with Donations or volunteer their time or skill for social good. I must reiterate it is rewarding work.
Being a mental health advocate, counselor, Convener of an inspiring platform and managing it all
Contrary to what people say, you can’t have it all. I didn’t start on this journey today, it’s been over a decade of building my work, harnessing low hanging fruits, and just doing work that I love. I can be described as a multi-potentialite, which comes with it nuances of creativity outburst and continual personal critiquing. I live by two personal philosophies – To thyself be true and live one day at a time. I am not under any pressure to impress or shine, I do what i set out to do and I pace myself always.
What I have found works is – do you genuinely, peace always follows. I am not in competition with anyone.
Other projects and activities
The Intersection of my work is Gender based violence, with a great link to mental health because there is a great need for . We however use the medium of technology and new media to deliver our messages. With the HERfessions App, it was us anticipating difficulty in movement of survivors due to varying reasons (which was foresight considering the COVID-19 pandemic). Our services also include engaging survivors physically through the TEHILA series, a replica of the conversations on the mobile app.Via new media, we use our social media platforms to push narratives that empower the woman via our storytelling mediums. It is our belief that to change the culture of silence, we must subliminal affect the minds of our community via its music, movies, and entertainment. This gave rise to our CAST project- a commissioned theatrical performance we use to teach and educate in public domain such as markets, Malls, and gatherings.
Being a Woman of Rubies
Primarily I am passionate and dogged in my belief that women can be better and treated better. Women must believe in themselves enough to thrive and collaborate
Vital nuggets for the Girl child during the Pandemic
The conversations have always been screwed to what girls should do, whilst that is both responsible and one-sided, I would add that girls need to invest in protective skills and gadgets. Learn how to defend yourself, own a pepper spray. In addition I would like to address the men folk and say ; NO is a full sentence. Self-control is achievable.
To women afraid to walk away from abusive relationships
Walk away, you will find help. I found that for advocacy to work, we must continually repeat one message. You are worth of love, Let yourself Live, so Leave.
Dr. Timi Oyebode is the Founder/ Head Counselor at Attitude Development International, an Organization focused on promoting Professional Counseling & Counseling Education in Africa. She is the provost ADI Counselling School Lagos. Timi is a Seasoned, Passionate and Certified Professional COUNSELOR with over sixteen (16) years’ experience working with individuals, couples, and families.
Her focus is on Emotional Wellness, Self-Discovery, Trauma, Abuse, Addiction and Sex Recovery Therapy which had made her connect with various persons at different levels of need. She runs a Yearly Retreat for Couples, Emotional Empowerment Sessions for women, Mentorship Forums, Counseling Outreaches to Prisons, IDP/Refugee, rehab Camps and a vibrant Counseling Clinic.
Dr Timi Oyebode has a Ph.D., M.A. and PGDE in Counselling. She holds a Master Practitioner Certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and Trauma Recovery Therapy
She is a chartered Mediator & Conciliator with Institute of Charter Mediators &Conciliators (ICMN), member of International Association of Counselling(IAC), Member Counselling Association of Nigeria (CASSON), Member Association of Christian Counselors in Nigeria and President, African Network of
Professional Counselors. She is passionate about mental health, people having access to Professional Therapy work and also helping Counselors and Psychotherapists particularly in Africa to get a good grip on their practice.
She is a speaker at International and national conferences, trainings, meetings, TV & radio on Trauma and recovery. She shares her Inspiring journey in this interview.
Childhood Preparation
Yes there are so many things in my childhood that prepared me for what I do now including being a victim of trauma and child sexual abuse. Today as a survivor, I just want to see others live life free and fulfilled. I am the eldest of 3 and only girl of my parents, grew up in Ibadan Oyo State and had all the security of an ideal family until tragedy struck first with sexual abuse and then the death of my father when I was 9 years old. Actually the earliest memory of my sexual abuse was at age 7 with one of my uncles, this continued even after my dad’s death to include rape, abuse and sexual violation from other relatives and spiritual leaders as well.
I was traumatized, depressed and suicidal… although my immediate family members weren’t aware of many of my struggles as a young girl with low self esteem, battered mindset and oppressive nightmares. At some point, I started struggling with sexual choices like porn, masturbation, homosexuality etc. I knew I needed help but was lost on where and how to get it.
In October 2000, I had an encounter and my journey to healing, restoration & recovery began. In 2003, I was in for my first trial at therapy and I knew I needed to make this happen for some other hurting souls. Emotional wellness and healing is our rights. So after my first degree in English language, I went for a 2nd degree and PhD in Counselling.
Inspiration behind ADI Nigeria
After working with Real Woman Foundation (Pst.Nike Adeyemi) for over 7 years as Head Counselor, I knew that there is a huge gap to the availability of professional mental/ emotional helpers and counselors, in Nigeria. Hence, the burden was laid on my heart to fill that void.
ADI was birth to aid the availability and promotions of therapeutic help, professional counseling and counseling education in Nigeria and Africa at large.
To enable those who desire to acquire training in the help professing but have little or no access to the western world where this is readily available.
The hope of bringing therapeutic help (as a means to deal with emotional and mental problems) closer to Africans was the paramount inspiration.
Being an Emotional wellness, trauma and self- discovery expert, with 16 years experience
Though it had been quite a huge task to make our people accept and appreciate professional counseling, I can still say boldly, the journey had been engaging and fulfilling. The ability to stand in the gap for many, bring healing, hope and restoration to victims (families, couples, individuals) of trauma, abuse and addiction had indeed been worthwhile.
Also having to see and hear the testimonies of many trained and professional counselors from ADI who are being able to confidently meet the emotional and mental needs of people in their communities while fulfilling their own dreams and desire is incomparable. Counting the number of clients including victims of Depression, Trauma, Divorce, Suicidal Tendency, Anger, Addiction, Anxiety etc, who daily comes into our counseling centre and leaves with smiles on their faces, makes the journey indeed worthwhile.
Being a member of several organisations, the roles I play and how has it impacted me positively
I am a registered member of various counseling bodies both home and abroad; including Counseling Association of Nigeria (CASSON), Association of Christian Counselors in Nigeria(ACCNIG), Christian Counselling Educational Foundation(CCEF), International Association of Counselling (IAC), Institute of Chartered Mediators & Conciliators(ICMC) and African Network of Professional Counsellors (ANEPCO). I am involved in all the associations, volunteering and actively serving in varying capacities.
I am the present President of Africa Network of Professional Counsellors, an organization focus on empowering counselors and psychotherapists across Africa, or working with Africans. Our primary goal is to be a rallying point and voice of reasoning/ professionalism for Psychotherapists & Counsellors across Africa
Why oppressed and damaged people sometimes do same to others
There are so many damaged, wounded or traumatized people in our world. Trauma means ‘wound’ – an inner/emotional wounds that plaques an individual, often due to an earlier or childhood abuse, oppression or damages and while there are various symptoms exhibited by victims of trauma, Dr. Cranes gave us about 9 responses or reactions associated with victims, amongst which is Trauma pleasuring.
Trauma pleasuring- a response which shows a victim of trauma taking pleasure in the pain caused to them and even seeing the pain in others gives them pleasure or momentary ease from their own pain. Hence it seems as if the initial victim is enjoying the pain or enjoys seeing others go through the same pain he/she went through. This is also known as sadistic personality disorder (SPD) in which, an individual display cruel behavior and enjoys inflicting pain on other. In other words, the suffering of others gives pleasure and observing that suffering feels good.
It is a form of mental illness often traceable to childhood trauma and those who exhibit this character are better perceived as ‘unwell’ rather than ‘wicked’ and should be encouraged to seek trauma therapy to aid their recovery.
Wellness nuggets for women who don’t know when to take a break and detox.
Keeping our emotional well-being balanced is no easy task… especially for women. Pressures and life demands can sometimes make it all hard to figure out. However, being able to manage your emotions and have healthy relationships with others is vital to your emotional wellness.
To every woman out there, struggling to keep it all together. Here are my advice
Know yourself. Know your thoughts and be able to identify your emotions and feelings. Take time to identify your triggers and know when to take a break. Get to know your emotional-self better, a visit to a counselor or use of self-help personality/temperament assessment online and even journaling of daily thoughts can help you.
Be positive. While we all get in a bad mood once in a while and there is nothing abnormal about that, constantly maintaining a negative attitude will only eat away at your internal happiness. If you keep this mind-frame long enough, nothing will ever seem like a good situation when you only focus on the bad. Noticing how often you think or say negative things is the first step towards having a positive attitude. Then, work on limiting the amount of negative thoughts and speech you use every day. If you need help with this, try keeping a journal or asking a friend or family member to point out when you are being a “Negative Nacy”.
Ask for Help. If you are suffering from emotional distress, it’s okay to ask for help. There are no prizes handed out for who can bury their emotions the most. It doesn’t make you stoic or strong to keep the emotional turmoil all to yourself. Talking to someone you trust can be enough to ease the negative emotions brought on by a bad day. If more help is needed, seeking the advice of a mental health professional doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you are strong enough to to take care of your mental health. And if you aren’t sure of where to find them, contact us at ADI Counselling.
Keeping Boundaries. Establishing boundaries with people in your life will contribute to your mental well-being. While it’s best to be nice to others in your life, there will be times when they cross the line and it’s up to you to tell them what is and isn’t acceptable for you. For example, it doesn’t make you a bad person to tell your neighbors that they should give you a call or a text instead of coming over unannounced. Advocating for yourself and your emotional needs will keep you from feeling overwhelmed by other people’s expectations and behaviors.
Self-Acceptance. Sometimes the expectations you set for yourself are more than the expectations others have for you. It’s okay to give yourself a break and let the self-judgment and self-doubt go. You won’t ever feel at ease in the world or with yourself if you are constantly talking negatively about yourself. If you wouldn’t let a stranger call you “stupid”, “ugly”or “not good enough” then you shouldn’t let yourself say those things. Just like with negative thoughts in general, becoming aware and then learning how to manage negative self talk is key to learning how to accept yourself.
Challenges
The major challenge we had over the years is getting Government approval and local accreditation… as the various government ministries claim their scope doesn’t cover what we do. After 5 years of requesting we finally got Lagos State to give an approval. It had also been challenging to make people view counseling as a career and that these professionals need to be paid for their services. People struggles to accept the need to pay for therapy. They feel it should be free.
Another challenge is access to resources and materials to aid and support our African professional counsellors.
Other projects and activities
I am a regular invited speaker at conferences& religious meetings.
I am an author
I run a quarterly mentoring forum
I run a periodic emotional empowerment meeting for women
I run a yearly retreat for couples
I run counseling and emotional wellness outreaches to schools, communities, prisons, IDP & Refugee camps.
Being a Woman of Rubies and more
I am a survivor, a pillar of strength, a conqueror and a woman on assignment… my life goal is simply to bring others out of the dungeon of pain and trauma to living life free, full and fulfilled.
For those who just walked out of abusive relationships
You are a survivor, the person who misused you never knew your worth as one of the best humans life could offer. So it’s not your loss but his/her. Engage is some good self-love routine, find purpose and commit yourself to it. Go into therapy and begin your journey into recovery.
The journey to healing may take a while and often better not walked alone, so be patient with yourself, get support and life would smile on you soonest.
For those who need certification
If you desire a certification in professional counseling or wants to know how to run a therapy business or just want to acquire more skills in Counselling. If you need to see a professional counselor or needs help to deal with marital problems, teenage problems, emotional problems, trauma, addiction etc
Do not hesitate to contact us at ADI Counselling Centre, 25 Ladipo Kasumu street off Tinuade street opposite FirstBank Allen Ikeja, Lagos.
You can follow her on FB, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter as: @TimiOyebode
