Inspiration Archives

In Inspiration March 27, 2022 By Esther Ijewere

Titilayo Olurin: What Should You Do When You Feel Like The Odd One Out?

My sisters share a close bond, one that I envy. Whenever I am around them – which is not often, I feel like a stranger looking on from the outside. They speak as if in codes or parables that I do not understand.

“Wait, what? What did you say?” I would ask in the middle of the conversation, looking from one sister to the other like a lost kitten.

One of them, perhaps the older one, would repeat what she had said earlier. It could be a comment or question on something as random as a TV show or book.

“Oh, okay!” I would respond, nodding and smiling, pretending to understand.

Of course, I do not understand. I do not watch the TV shows they watch and I do not read the kind of books they read. So, all I do is nod as much as I can or smile when I think I have to.

They share jokes that are lost on me, and when they laugh long and hard, hitting each other on their shoulders, I only look on in amazement.

“What? What? Share the joke!” I would say, peeling my eyes off the TV for a moment and shifting excitedly in my seat.

The other sister, would repeat the joke, laughing heartily, but I would only stare blankly, the corner of my mouth not even twitching into a smile.

They speak the same way; I have heard that we all do. With my sisters, though, it goes beyond the voice, intonation or pronunciation. They think the same way, too; the way you would if you were raised in a largely conservative home.

One is my twin sister and the other is my big sister. Yet, it feels like they are the twins, and I am the other sister just hanging on. When I am back home with them, the sisters bond over what you would call “kitchen gist” as they cook or sit idly around the kitchen table. They say that kind of gist is the sweetest, but I have no idea, as I am not there to share in the gist.

I am not sure how it makes me feel. Maybe sad, alone, or dejected. But mostly, I feel like the odd one out.

Is being the odd one out such a bad thing?

“No, it is not a bad thing. You are not a bad person for being the odd one out. The fact that you are a good person could be the reason you are the odd one out. So, no, it isn’t a bad thing,” Adetoun, a Lagos-based nutritionist, insists.

If being the odd one out is not such a bad thing, why does it sound like the worst thing that could happen to someone and why do people feel hurt about it? I’ll admit that I have felt like the odd one out around my sisters for the longest time and it has always made me feel bad. It just hurts to be that one person that is different from her sisters and cannot talk to them the same way they talk to each other.

“I guess you can say that there is a feeling of being left out that comes with being the odd one out. And just because the word “odd” sounds like a bad thing, it makes people think of it as something negative,” the nutritionist explains.

I have also thought about how being the odd one out in a group is not unconnected with odd numbers. If you think about it, you will observe that even numbers can even themselves out while odd numbers cannot. What I mean is, when there are three siblings or friends or roommates, two will be closer, no matter how close all three are. The two will share secrets that they probably will not share with the third. They will connect on a level that they might not connect on with the third. These two leave the third one out without even knowing it.

“I have two best friends. I’ll call them A and B. The three of us hang out almost all the time. When I want to talk about boys or rant about my relationship woes, I know better to call A than to call B. When I want to talk about work and work-related matters, I would much rather call B. But because I tend to talk more about my relationship woes, I am closer to A than B,” Adetoun says, in a sense buttressing my point.

In a group of even numbers – let’s say four, for instance, the situation is different. Each pair can be closer than the other pair without anyone feeling odd or left out. Now, I might be wrong, and it is not always the case, but this is often how it happens. It is the same way it happens in movies, sitcoms and TV shows. In the sitcom, ‘Friends’, you cannot help but notice that while all six are close, Joey and Phoebe are closer than the other four, Monica and Chandler are closer than the other two, and that leaves Ross and Rachel to be the couple – at least, for the most part of the show.

Do you perhaps find yourself in a group where you are the odd one out – whether it is a group of odd or even numbers? Do you feel like the odd one out, not just among friends or siblings, but in a work setting or environment, at gatherings, events, church, or some other space? How does it make you feel? Find honest advice from real people on how to deal with being the odd one out here.

Don’t see it as a bad thing – “Being the odd one out isn’t a bad thing. It just means that you are different, and different is okay.” – Nene. 31.

It might actually be a good thing – “What if you are the odd one out because you are the one who does not gossip, the one who minds her business, the one who works the hardest? Tsk! Don’t sweat it, child. That is a good thing. Keep at it.” – Chioma. 36.

Stop trying to fit in – “Well, because you cannot; that’s why you should not even try. If you could fit in, you would have without even trying.” – Omotoke. 24.

Don’t let your uniqueness scare you – “You have your idiosyncrasies, just as everybody has theirs. But don’t let this scare you. You cannot fit into every group you find yourself in.” – OJ. 33.

You might not be the odd one out – “It is probably just all in your head. You’re imagining or overthinking things. Either way, do you and you’re good.” – Kolade. 44.

Titilayo Olurin is a writer whose stories and articles have been published on various online platforms. A love junkie, as she often describes herself, she is on radio every week talking about relationships, dating and family. She spends most of her time curating and creating content around these same topics on her Instagram page @toastlinewithteetee. You can connect with her on Instagram and Twitter @titilayo_olurin.

In Career Gems March 27, 2022 By Women of Rubies

Esther Ijewere: Helpful Tips for Single Parents-How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

With only one adult to act as a parent, some tasks are inherently more challenging. However, there are a few helpful things you can do to make the parenting journey a little easier for yourself and stay sane while doing it.

1. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Before anything else can be done, you must be caring for your own needs adequately. Only when you are feeling well-rested and healthy can you be at your best for your children.

Many parents tend to put their kids’ needs first and their owns last, but that will result in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. Make time to eat regularly and healthfully, get plenty of rest, and squeeze in exercise whenever you can. Even a short walk around the neighborhood will help your body get much-needed movement and fresh air.

Your children depend on you, and it’s up to you to make sure that you are well-equipped and ready to take on that responsibility.

2. Join Forces with Other Single Parents

At times, it may seem like you’re the only person who knows what it’s like to be a single parent. However, the statistics say that there are many others who know exactly what you’re going through.

Find single parents locally, through your kid’s school, extracurricular activities, or even an app. There are also numerous online communities that can offer support and advice.

Join forces in order to form mutually beneficial relationships.

3. Build a Community

In addition to finding support with other single parents, also build a community comprised of families of all different types. Rather than focus solely on the single parent aspect of your identity, look for parents and kids who share other things in common.

Join a playgroup, get plugged in at a church, or get to know the parents of the kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Having a community of a variety of people and families will bring diversity and excitement into your and your kids’ lives.

4. Accept Help

Don’t try to be a superhero and do it all yourself. There are probably people in your life who care about you and your kids and want to help you. Let them know what types of things would be most appreciated, whether it’s bringing meals once a week, helping with rides to school, or giving you time to yourself.

There is no shame in asking for help and accepting assistance from loved ones. You will not be perceived as weak or incompetent. You are being a good parent by being resourceful and allowing others to give you a much-needed break.

5. Get Creative with Childcare

Raising a child on a single income is a challenge, with the high cost of daycares, nannies, and other conventional childcare services. More affordable options are possible if you go a less traditional route.

6. Plan Ahead for Emergencies

As a single parent, a backup plan or two is a must in emergency situations. Make a list of people you know you can call in a moment’s notice. There will be times in which you need help, and it’s important to know ahead of time who you can rely on.

7. Create a Routine

Routine crucial for young children because knowing what to expect gives them a semblance of control. This is even more important when in a single parent home.

Establish a routine and schedule for your child as much as possible. This can include bedtime, before/after school, chores, meal times, and even a weekend routine.

Having a routine does not mean things cannot change. It is merely a default schedule to fall back on when no additional events or activities are going on. When your children know what to expect, they will be less resistant because they know what to expect, and days will run much more smoothly.

8. Be Consistent with Rules and Discipline

If your child has multiple caretakers, such as another parent, grandparent, or babysitter, communicate clearly on how discipline will be handled. Talk to your ex, if you are sharing custody, as well as any other caretakers about the rules and the agreed-upon approach to discipline.

When a child realizes that certain rules can be bent with certain people, he/she will use it to their advantage, causing additional issues with limits, behavior, and discipline down the road.

9. Stay Positive

Everyone has heard the saying, “Mind over matter.” But there really is so much power behind your mentality. It can change your perspective and make a difficult situation so much better.

Your kids will be able to detect even the smallest shift in your attitude. When the responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming, stay focused on the positive things in your life, such as your friends and family. This will produce a much more stable home environment.

Maintain your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to be silly. Look towards the future and the great things that are still to come for you and your family. Rediscover and redefine your family values.

10. Move Past the Guilt

In a single parent home, it is impossible to act as both parents, regardless of how hard you try. Let go of the things that you cannot do as a single parent, and instead, think of the great things you ARE able to provide for your children.

Leave behind the notion that life would be easier or better with two parents. This is simply not true. There is a multitude of pros and cons to all family dynamics, and the one you are providing for your kids now is the one that they need.

Don’t get bogged down by guilt or regret. Take control of your life and be the best parent you can by being present and engaged with them on a daily basis.

11. Answer Questions Honestly

Your kids may have questions about why their home situation is different from many of their friends. When asked, don’t sugarcoat the situation or give them an answer that is not accurate.

Depending on their age, take this opportunity to explain the truth of what happened and how the current circumstances came about. Not all families have two parents, whether that is due to divorce, death, or whatever else life brings.

Don’t give more detail than necessary or talk badly about the other parent. But strive to be truthful and honest. Your children will benefit more from your candor than a made-up story.

12. Treat Kids Like Kids

In the absence of a partner, it can be tempting to rely on your children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But your kids are not equipped to play this role for you.

There are many details within an adult relationship that children are not able to understand or process, and it will only cause confusion and resentment.

Do not take out your anger on your kids. Separate your emotional needs from your role as a mother. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, look for adult friends or family members that you can talk to about your issues.

13. Find Role Models

Find positive role models of the opposite sex for your child. It’s crucial that your child does not form negative associations with an entire gender of people.

Find close friends or family members that would be willing to spend one-on-one time with your kids. Encourage them to form meaningful relationships with people that you trust and that they can look up to.

Role models can make a huge difference in the path that a child decides to take, so be intentional about the ones that you put in your kids’ lives.

14. Be Affectionate and Give Praise

Your children need your affection and praise on a daily basis. Engage with your kids as often as possible by playing with them, going on outings, and encouraging open dialogue.

Affirm them in the things that they are doing well, no matter how small. Praise their efforts, rather than their achievements. This will inspire them to continue to put forth hard work and not give up when success is not achieved.

Rather than spending money on gifts, spend time and effort in making lasting memories.

Final Thoughts

Being a single parent is a challenging responsibility to take on. Without the help of a partner to fall back on, single parents have a lot more to take on.

However, studies show that growing up in a single parent home does not have a negative effect on achievement in school. As long as the family is a stable and safe environment, kids are able to excel and do well in life.

Use these tips in order to be a reliable and capable parent for your kids, while maintaining your own well-being and sanity.

In Editor's Choice March 26, 2022 By Esther Ijewere

‘My Mother’s Legacy Is The Inspiration Behind Black Diamonds Support Foundation’-Adefunke Oluremi Adewumi

Adefunke Oluremi Adewumi is a goal getter and a force to reckon with. She is committed to supporting indigent communities, providing shelter for homeless victims of domestic violence , and empowering widows and single mums across the nation, through her non-governmental organisation, Black Diamonds Support Foundation (BDSF).

Adefunke’s popularity increased with her annual outreach tagged ‘PROJECT 5000’ – An event which comes up every year, on the 26th of December, and brings together a minimum of 5000 indigent children from various slums across the state, and they are given free medical attention, free back-to-school packs, food, clothing, and a Christmas party. Her passion for seeing both children and adults live to their full capabilities and for women to thrive, birthed her creating the ‘ UNMASKED – Her Truth’ event, which allows women to be free, and be themselves, without the fear of being judged or condemned.

The Alumni of the University of Ado-Ekiti and Master of Arts in International relations and strategic studies from Benue state University is also the CEO of The Food Sense Shop- A business that boasts of selling a variety of African items across the world.

Defunke is a passionate Gender-based Violence advocate who has continuously used her platforms to advocate and support victims of domestic violence, rape , child abuse and molestation. and lend her voice to voiceless single mums in the society. She is committed to adding value to humanity and living intentionally.

She shares her inspiring journey with Esther Ijewere in this interview.

Childhood Influence

I was born into a family filled with love and independence, my was my first role model , she was a skillful entrepreneur and counsel head . My mother was a perfectionist, and she could multitask diligently. She was a major mentor in what I’ve grown to become today. My house was always occupied by total strangers, homeless and orphaned children, widows and impoverished women and men because my mother was a philanthropist to the core. She embraces everyone and would even prefer to give her last drop of water to a thirsty stranger than for her to drink it.

I would say the life she lived molded me into what I do now , going over the edge to get things done and being able to spearhead multiple things at a time from my childhood .

Inspiration behind Black Diamonds Support Foundation (BDSF)

My mother’s legacy is the inspiration behind Black Diamonds Support Foundation, she was a lover of children , women , widows , orphans and the homeless. After she passed on to glory there were lots of people who depended on her for survival and I could not sit by and watch her legacy die.

Why I bring 5000 indigent children together for my annual project

Yes I do that to put smiles on the faces of these underserved children in mostly neglected communities. We have been running it for years. Unfortunately, It couldn’t hold in 2021 due to the covid 19 safety guides , instead we did project 5000 food boxes , we supplied 5000 families with raw food items that is enough to last for the festive period ( rice , noodles , spaghetti, semo, oil, garri, yam flour , pepper and tomato pastes) we also supported children with back to school items like bags and books.

Motivation behind my food items brand; “Food sense shop”

The Food Sense Shop was born out of my love for healthy foods, I appreciate nature alot and it had always been my dream to own my own raw food brand where I can change the common use of additives and chemical preservatives in our food items. Majority of the sickness out there is as a result of unhealthy foods and drinks we take in. To cause a change in getting local foods without preservation, led me to start the food sense shop.

My passion and drive for issues that affect women and children, such as rape, domestic violence and molestation, and we can get the society involved

I have been a victim of domestic violence, sexual assaults, child discrimination and abuse. This has been a drive for me to rescue as many as I can and my late mum for women and children when she was alive had been a force to do more than she had done. The helplessness of vulnerable women and children are heartbreaking, they can be traumatizing. I can’t just keep quiet when I know there is something I can do in my little way to help people. I can identify with them, I’ve been in their shoes, their hurts and abuse and hunger is like mine. We have gone to slums across the country to do our bits and we hope they pass it on too.

Challenges as an entrepreneur and stakeholder in the GBV sector

The economic meltdown is a major challenge for an entrepreneur like me, the prices of raw materials have skyrocketed by over a 100% and this kills business by paralyzing the demand curve. Despite being in the business of locally harvested crops. As a GBV Survivor and advocate, the laid-back attitude, insensitivity of our people, the cultural patriarchal communal living system, impunity, lack of funds and emotional trauma we face is extreme these days. Forget all the paperwork and policies. We are still far behind in getting it right as a country in the area of prompt sensitivity to GBV.

other projects and activities

Unmasked hertruth: A women group we created to intentionally be Deliberate to be better as women in all ramifications. A healing, learning and networking hub for women 16+.

We are also trying to raise funds for our humanitarian projects this year and extend our Humanitarian Services to more zones in Nigeria, and expand food sense shop in a global model as the number one choice for African (Nigeria) locally foods suppliers.

3 women who inspire me and why

My late Mum: She was a phenomenal legend. A giver per excellence. Philanthropist to the core who goes all out of her way to ensure women and children in her community do well. She is a lover of Humanity, she works for others to be happy

Tobore Anne Emorhokpor: She is the drive for the majority of our projects and goes all out to ensure our humanitarian projects do not go unaccomplished. Our coming together had helped us to achieve so many feats because she is selfless and committed to ensure women and children are not helpless in her own way.

Ellen DeGeneres: Her heart of giving is second to none and she is non judgemental and love everyone no matter who they are and help as many as she can help, without thinking of who or what they are

My perception of marriage as it relates to the Nigerian society

To me marriage is a union of togetherness and when I say ‘togetherness’ , it is in the entirety of its sense , in all aspects of the union . I am not a believer of the average Nigerian mentality that most couples practice, you’re married and you can both do what you like in the way that pleases either of you, a union should be about support, communication, motivation, growth , loyalty, commitment and a foundation built on God.

Stigmatization of single mums

There is so much stigmatization, Cultural setbacks and society victimizing single mums. There is so much to be done, but if single mums can give support to each other,dignifying their option of taking the bold steps of living for their kids despite societal judgmental insensitive patriarchal approach to them, they will rise above all the odds that is a daily factor to limit them from their goals in life. I will also want single mums to stop the pity party victimization of themselves. Being a single mum is not a disability. Be dignified

Being a Woman of Rubies, mom, entrepreneur, women’s advocate, and support system to many, and managing it all

I take each day as it come, as I know that each of these roles must not fail. So I do well in planning, delegating duties to others.

—

In Inspiration March 21, 2022 By Women of Rubies

She Wanted To Be A Lawyer But Ended Up A Carpenter, The Story Of Comfort Adzigbli

Adzigbli Nana Ama Comfort is a skilled carpenter, a not so common field that women thread. All the way from Ghana. She is a furniture architect and designer who had earlier wanted to be lawyer.

Adzigbli is the CEO and founder of Namas Decor GH. Her company offers services such as 3D mirrors, Beddings, Curtains, Furniture, Tiling & plumbing, 3D plan and architecture designs, Home & office interior & exterior décor, Event planning, Painting and wall arts.

As a young girl, Adzigbli dreamt of becoming a lawyer but to carry on her father’s legacy, she ended up becoming a female carpenter in a male-dominated industry.

“My Dad’s dying words to me affected me positively,” she said. “He said I will never be successful in any career aside carpentry. I laughed and asked why. He said I was born to lead the feminine generation into creativity.”

She grew up making penny boxes and fixing broken tables, chairs and petty damages at home with her dad. “I didn’t train to be a carpenter. My Dad was one and because I was Daddy’s girl I learned it from him. I was always with him whilst he was working,” she said in an interview with Ghanaian blogger Edward Asare.

Adzigbli didn’t take his words seriously at first so went ahead with her life after her father’s demise. She tried out several things before settling.

After completing her studies at Aburi Presbyterian Secondary Technical Senior High School, she joined the showbiz industry as a model, but did not excel and went into acting. That also did not go well hence she gave up on show business.

At that point, she decided to venture into carpentry with the knowledge and training she received from helping her late father. Adzigbli now runs a fast-growing carpentry and furniture design shop.

“Patience, humility, creativity, ready to learn and good human relations are attributes one must possess to survive in the industry, and she is proud to say she has got them all and is surviving well. It doesn’t get easier dealing with very complicated clients’ needs,” she revealed.

One of her biggest achievements has been putting up her own house and owning a car from the toils and sweats of working as a carpenter.

In Editor's Choice March 12, 2022 By Women of Rubies

#Interview| I Started Safe Pregnancy Africa To Curb Maternal And Child Mortality Rate- Emmanuella Inah

Nurses are unique, they have the insatiable need to care for others, and that is their strength. Caring is the essence of nursing and midwives . These words describe Emannuella Inah , a registered Nurse and Midwife who is touching lives, and changing narratives through her work.

She is passionate about seeing that women of African descent go through pregnancy effortlessly and are armed with information relevant for maternal and child health. Through her initiative; Safe Pregnancy Africa, a community of black women which she founded. Emmanuella dedicates her time to teaching and mentoring women through the trimesters of pregnancy, contributing to curbing maternal and child mortality rates in Nigeria and Africa as a whole.

She is also the founder of the Preggy pidgin podcast, a platform that gained global recognition after emerging as one of the 35 best pregnancy podcasts in the world in 2021. She uses the platform to reach the inner cities of Africa, educating people on successfully transitioning from pregnancy to delivery without complications using the Nigerian pidgin, a language as old as Nigeria and spoken in several countries of the Africa continent.

In 2020, Emmanuella was listed as one of the 100 outstanding women Nurse and Midwife leaders in the world. A list which was compiled by the World Health Organization, International Council of Midwives, Nursing Now, Women in global health and UNPFA.

She has three books to her name, one of which is titled “The PREGGY workbook “ . It is a simplified guide to going through pregnancy and labour with concrete information and a space for the pregnant woman to journal her experiences using prompts and questions from the book. The book is written with captivating content laced in stories that catches the human’s heart and attention.

Emmanuella is a force to reckon with and a visionary. She shares her inspiring journey with Esther Ijewere in this interview.

Growing up

The thought of being a Nurse or midwife never crossed my mind until a school Nurse said I acted like a real Nurse. This was in primary school, many years before I became an adult but her words never left my mind. I would later ask my mother if I truly behaved like a Nurse. It was all exciting, I took her words as a compliment, dear compliments. What nobody realised was that She planted a desire in my heart. I read books because my mother said Nurses read big books and solved hard mathematical equations because papa says it’s what Nurses do. My uniforms were neat and ironed because I didn’t want Nurse Joy to take back her kind words. The foundation for the Nurse I am today was laid years before I realised I would someday be a Nurse.

I grew into loving the profession, I had access to beautiful videos and pictures of Nurses , my mother made them available, she told me lovely stories too. Those stories infiltrated my subconsciousness and made me long for the day I would wear the Nurse’ white gown and the Nightingale’s cap. So, it wasn’t difficult to choose Nursing when I got two admission letters to either study Nursing and Chemical Science.

Inspiration behind my initiatives; Safe Pregnancy Africa and Preggy pidgin podcast

In 2018, I and three other midwives were posted to a community in Nigeria to serve for a month. In those few weeks, my eyes were opened to the large knowledge gap amongst pregnant women. The things I considered simple and expected everybody would know were things many of the women didn’t know. In that community I saw that women got pregnant by chance, there was never preparation for the health of the woman, the finances of the family, education on recognising danger signs in pregnancy and generally poor knowledge on how to successfully transition from pregnancy to puerperium.

My colleagues and I did a good job in educating the villagers, we took health education to the village squares and markets, and held meetings with the Chiefs on how to get funding for the Primary Health care centre.

When I got back home, there was unrest in my spirit. I knew there were other women in several other places with zero knowledge about their health, body and pregnancy. So, I went online and created Safe Pregnancy Africa, a community for women of African descent where I would educate on everything that bothers maternal and child health. A platform where I could answer questions and give guidance to as many women as I could reach.

In 2019, I realised my message was better understood when I taught in Pidgin English. I got many women asking questions for more clarification and many others speaking out. It bridged the language barrier I never knew existed. I was able to break down compound topics like Preeclampsia/eclampsia into understandable bits teaching in pidgin. This gave birth to the Preggy Pidgin Podcast. The listenership has grown from Nigeria to 38 other African countries with positive feedback every week.

Preggy pidgin podcast nominated as one of the 5 best pregnancy podcasts in the world

Consistency made that happen. It is one thing to take a step, it is another thing to remain consistent. I understood that for my message to penetrate the busy online space and get to my core audience, I have to remain consistent.

The journey so far

So far, so good. It may sound cliche but that is how it’s been.The feedback has been great, the love and positivity are some of the motivation that fuels my conviction and consistency.

Why I pitched my tent in the nursing and midwifery sector

Becoming a Nurse was easy because I believe life prepared me for the profession, but specializing in midwifery came as a result of an event that happened in 2012. It happened on a Sunday when many people had gone to church. A young lady from the village had come to stay with her husband in the neighbourhood. It was just her third week in town but she was almost due to deliver. That morning, her scream stormed the yard. The lady was in labour and not just that, the baby’s head was already in the vulva. I still don’t know if she attempted to deliver the child herself but the child’s head was trapped between her thighs and it was already turning blue. I was the first to rush into her room before other women joined in. That sight has never left my head. At that moment I wished I could do something, something to help the woman and her baby whose eyeballs were already swollen. She lost the child. Later on, I would come to learn about precipitate labour but I still wonder what happened to the dear lady. That was the first time I wished I were a midwife. Also, the growing rate of maternal mortality inspired my decision to become a midwife. I wanted to contribute my quota to the noble course of ensuring that women especially of the African descent go through pregnancy ready, healthy, and knowledgeable.

Challenges of my work

Trust! I am a petite midwife and often, women in labour would like midwives who look physically competent. Funny right? But I have had a few challenges proving myself.

Other projects and activities

I am working on funding and distributing birth packs to 3 communities in Nigeria under Safe Pregnancy Africa. Also, I am looking to partnering with international organisations to carry out health centre renovations and sponsor training for health workers.

What I enjoy most about my job

It is the satisfaction. Nothing compares to the peace of welcoming a child into the world. Midwifery is a ministry. My hands have touched and handled purity. From the first time a newborn takes their first breath and lets out that loud cry, I am there. I think it’s right to say, I stand by the gate of life. Hahaha.

3 women who inspire me and why

One of the women that inspire me is my mother. She is very resilient and confident. Once she sets her mind to do a thing, wink an eyelid and you see the results displayed. She is focused, determined and loving.

Remi Owadokun is another woman that inspires me, she is smart. Remi utilizes resources within her environment and her reach to achieve goals one would think are farfetched. She is smart.

Ugochi Obidiegwu is a focused woman. She inspires me. I have seen her take up projects that seemed complex and accomplish them in a moment of time.

These women play huge roles in my life and I am blessed to have them.

Women’s awareness on maternal and child mortality rates

Not many women realize that the mortality rates are high. If we share these details with more women, they will be more interested in knowing details about their health before even falling pregnant. That is why The Preggy Pidgin podcast pushes this information through pidgin English, trying hard to ensure that more women understand the process of transitioning from no pregnancy to pregnancy and everything in between.

What can we do better as a society to educate women on mortality rate and safe pregnancy

It starts from the grass roots. If we could dedicate more time to teaching during Antenatal clinics in health centres. Answering questions without the terminologies and creating a warm setting for women to be free to express themselves. Also, training or educating the Traditional Birth Attendants ( TBA). Most women in our communities trust the TBA, if we could arm more TBAs with correct information, then they would know what to say to the women who trust them and such information would correspond to global standards.

One thing I wish to change in the midwifery sector, especially in Nigeria

Remuneration of staff!

Being a Woman of Rubies

I am teachable, smart and loving.

In Inspiration March 10, 2022 By Women of Rubies

Meet Queen D.Tardoo,The First Woman From Benue State To Study Aeronautical Engineering

Queen D. Tardoo who hails from Benue state, is said to be the first lady to study Aeronautical Engineering from the state.

In an interview with Wisdom Nwedene, Igbere TV & 9news Nigeria editor, Tardoo shares how she became first lady from Benue State to study Aeronautical Engineering.

She narrated the challenges she experienced studying the course in Philippines. She also revealed that she studied Computer science at Benue State University before she traveled to Philippines to obtain her second degree.

Read excerpts below,

How do you feel being the first girl to study Bs Aeronautical Engineering from Benue State?

“I am overwhelmed with joy. It hasn’t being am easy journey. I also feel blessed, honoured and accomplished. I was always told aviation especially aeronautical engineering wasn’t for women. But I have had to opportunity to prove that wrong. It is also a responsibility to motivate other women, especially from benue state and make them understand that they can do even greater things regardless of their gender.”

Which part of Benue State are you from?

“I am tiv, from Ushongo Local Government Area”

Can you tell us about the University which you studied this course?

“I studied in two different schools. I started my course in the year 2014 at PATTS college of aeronautics, paranaque, Metro Manila Philippines. Studied there from 2014 – 2017. Then I transferred to Holy Angel University, Angeles City, Philippines. Studied there from 2017 – 2019.”

Wow! That’s nice. Did you study in any university in Nigeria before travelling to Philippines?

“Yes. I studied in Nigeria. B.S Aeronautical Engineering is actually my 2nd Bachelor’s Degree. I took up B.Sc Computer science at Benue State University, Makurdi.”

That’s very great. You look pretty young. Can you tell us about your age? And having studied both in Nigeria and Philippines, is there any difference in the system of education?

“I am 28years old.”

“Yes. There is a difference. The Philippines has adopted the American system of education which is quite different from the system in Nigeria. Both systems of education have their pros and cons.”

What made you to achieve this feat?

“Determination, perseverance, hard work, support from my family and friends (most especially from my mum) and most importantly God’s mercy and blessings.”

Does your mom live in Philippines or she is in Nigeria?

“She lives in Benue state, Nigeria.”

Can you tell us about a project that you worked on in school. Did you run into any difficulties? If so, how did you handle it?

“I worked on a few projects while in school both academic and extra curricular ones. Hence, I am the reigning Miss Holy Angel University, Philippines. I am always involved in one project or the other. But, the one project I am most proud of is my final research work. I worked on a birdstrike prevention project for my final research in 5th year. A project feasibility study which had to do with the use of laser lights to prevent bird-aircraft crash.(birdstrikes). And this particular project won me a medal as the best thesis of the year 2019 in the Aeronautical engineering department of Holy Angel University, Philippines.”

What challenges did you encounter in the process of achieving this feat?

“There were alot of challenges, being a black person in an Asian country isn’t always great. You experience a lot of racism and it affects you as a student. Also, being female in a field that is considered to be for the male gender is also not easy. You have to prove yourself all the time, you are always stereotyped to be not competent enough. Aeronautical engineering itself is very challenging. You have to study extra hard and make a lot of sacrifices, but it will always be worth it in the end.”

What motivates and inspires you?

“My mother has always been my inspiration. She is the strongest person I know and everytime I think of the sacrifices she makes for me. I want to be a better person not just for me but for her. I have also cultivated the habit of turning my challenges into motivations. Whatever challenge I face at a particular time, I try to extract some positivity from that situation, make sure I learn from it and build myself into a better human being.”

What are your hobbies?

“My hobbies. I am an athlete as well so I like athletic events, I like to play volleyball, go bowling, watch sports channels, especially football. I also like to read, dance, listen to music and taking a walk on the beach with my bare feet.”

Who are your mentors?

“My number one mentor will still be my mother. She contributed alot in molding me into the person that I am today. I find myself looking up to her and learning a lot from her. I have always wished to develop myself into the kind of woman that she is and by God’s grace even better.”

Do you have plan of coming back to Nigeria since you have finished your study over there?

“Nigeria will always be my home and I can return at anytime. But the goal right now is to further my studies, obtain alot of licences and also work at the same time. Hence, there isn’t any university in Nigeria that offers a master is aeronautical or aerospace engineering. I will not be returning home immediately. But, I will visit from time to time.”

Source: yabaleftonline

In Inspiration March 10, 2022 By Women of Rubies

Meet Olutoyin Olakunri, The First Nigerian Woman To Become A Chartered Accountant

Chief Mrs. Olutoyin Olakunri is the first female Chartered Accountant in Sub-Saharan Africa.

A woman of many firsts, Olutoyin was born on November 4, 1937. She attended primary school in Nigeria and completed her secondary and tertiary education in the United Kingdom.

In February 1963, she qualified as a member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of England & Wales.

She became a foundation member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria in 1965. In 1978, she served as the Chairman of the Society of Women Accountants in Nigeria.

She was also the first female President of the Institute of Directors in Nigeria, former member of the National Revenue Mobilization Allocation and Fiscal Policy Commission, Vision 20:2020 Committee, and Council of the Nigerian Stock Exchange.

Olutoyin was a member of the Constituent Assembly that generated the 1979 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

A former president of Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria. She was on the Finance Committee of Nigerian Institute of International Affairs and the Board of Nigerian Liquefied Natural Gas Limited for 8 years.

She also served as the Chairman of the Education Trust Fund, now Tertiary Education Trust Fund for two terms.

Chief Mrs. Olutoyin Olakunri received many local and international awards for her contributions to the profession and societal development. One of which is the Officer of the Federal Republic [OFR] of Nigeria.

Credit: womenafrica.com

In Inspiration January 8, 2023 By Esther Ijewere

Tobore Anne Emorhokpor: I Am Using My Passion To Change And Impact The World

When a Pharmacist has a burning passion for women and children, committed to giving hope to the hopeless, and lending her voice to the voiceless, she deserves to be celebrated. Tobore reflects what humanity should look like.

Tobore Anne Emorhokpor is the founder of Nigerian Child Protection Trust and the convener of the End Child Sexual Group. She is a leading voice in the women and child development sector.

The Cardiff University Alumni also did a virtual leadership principles course at Harvard Business school. Tobore is driven by personal development and self-improvement, and she has emerged as a credible voice armed with a passion for getting justice for the oppressed. She loves to go beyond people’s expectations and delight them.

She is renowned for her unique style of blended mentoring, empathy and speaking up for the oppressed through her various social media channels. Her inspirational leadership, empathy and benevolence makes it easy for women and children to have a connection with her. She wants a Nigeria where women are empowered to look after themselves and their children.

She detests children being used and abused for child labour and wants a great reduction in sexual abuse and rape of women and minors.

The testament to her impact is the media mentions she has gotten for her humanitarian work and her Right Livelihood Award for outstanding role in reducing hunger, inequality and improving sustainability.

Tobore is happily married with kids. She shares her inspiring story in this interview exclusively with Esther Ijewere.

Childhood Influence

Growing up, I witnessed the effects of abuse and cheating around me. Domestic abuse has a negative impact on children. That is why I get really upset when women say they stay for the sake of their children. This is a myth not reality.

They stay for themselves because the children suffer more in such situations. Your children cannot be happy if you are not happy. I love children dearly. I am passionate about children. I love carrying babies and playing with children. They make me so happy. I remember one time our driver beat up his 3-year-old son badly. I was so enraged. I asked my Father to deal with him. I knew I had to fight for these children that could not fight for themselves.

Inspiration behind my organisation; Nigerian child protection trust and End child sexual group

I was coming across a lot of sad posts on Facebook about children being defiled and nothing being done about it. I eventually decided to do something. I wasn’t sure how or what I was going to do as I currently live in the UK, but I wanted to start with what I had, so I started a group on Facebook. I asked friends if they would like to join, and they did. That is how we started ‘End child sexual abuse in Nigeria’.

I would post stories of cases, some educational posts on how to protect your child and other requests for help. I also used my personal wall to ask for help. I then decided that I could act as a signpost for people.

Wherever there is a problem in Nigeria, I will find the closest Human rights officer, NGO, or Government Organisation to help. I was not going to change the world and make as much change as I could. I wanted to become the voice for these children.

Being a Pharmacist by profession, and the impact on my advocacy for women and children

I started off as a pharmacist and practised in the UK and Nigeria, then I decided to branch into Human Resources. I currently work as a Workforce Planning Lead. I enjoy planning and putting in processes. This helps me in how I deal with the cases that I work on. I speak with each person to find out what they currently do, how they got into the situation they are in, and how they can get out. It’s not a pity party but a way to plan their way out of their problems. I feel very proud when women I have helped turn around and help others up. I am very proud of the women I have helped.

The journey since I started my Organisation

The journey has been tough but very rewarding. When women come to me for help, I would ask what they can do and try to start up small businesses for them so they can be self-sufficient. Some people just want someone to talk to. I spend time chatting with them to understand the situation and give the best advice I can. I am so happy with what we have achieved together in such a short time. I didn’t know what I would really be doing but my social media pages have brought succour to many and I thank God for that.

The spike in cases of domestic violence and rape since the beginning of the pandemic

In the past, abusers would go to work or to school and leave the home environment and return at the end of the day. Due to the lockdown, there was no room for escape. Emotions were heightened. People lost jobs and hardship increased. This added stress to an already burning pot and resulted in a huge increase in the number of cases of violence. Poverty breeds ignorance.

Challenges of being a women’s advocate

The people I am trying to help sometimes lie and try to scam me. One of these women showed me a prescription and lied that she needed to buy the medications on it for 3 weeks for her baby.

Unfortunately for her, I know how to read a prescription and I told her no Doctor would tell her to do that. She started stuttering and saying it’s the hospital. I was scammed by another lady who got people to act and do videos requesting help as a trick to get money from me and other unsuspecting kind-hearted people.

We also have the Police who sometimes take bribes and let culprits go. We then have to use social media to call them out to get them to do the right thing. Victims and their families are sometimes scared about reporting crimes and refuse for us to help them seek justice when they have been harmed or wronged.

I have had a few cases where people tell me about situations of abuse then grow cold feet and refuse to go further. No matter how I try to encourage them to tell the truth and speak out, fear of being known as the whistle blower does not allow them to help victims.

There is a man who lures boys with gifts and passes them about in a paedophile ring. The sister of one of the boys approached me for help then later recanted because her parents told her to ‘leave it to God’. Another person contacted me about a school in Lagos where the Principal rapes young girls in his care but then refused to give me proof when they realised the school might be involved in the case.

Other projects and activities

When covid first struck, there were a lot of families that were left without any food and money. The first post I made was to ask ‘who has 5k to spare for a family in need’. People responded and I paired givers with recipients. Others saw what I was doing, and the finances poured in.

We bought bags of rice and shared them out to people in Warri, Port Harcourt and Ilorin. I used my Facebook wall to raise money to pay rent, start up small businesses for the women so they can renew the next year’s rent. We paid for surgeries, medicines, school fees and everything else in between.

I have posted job adverts so people can get jobs and a few kind people have offered free sewing courses and other types of training for people on my wall for free or for a little sum.

We paid for a few caesarean sections and have helped pay the bills for women who have ended up as hostages in hospitals as they were unable to pay their huge medical bills. I remember when I was called about a woman whose baby had died inside her and was rotting and there was no money to pay a deposit to do the emergency c-section. I put it on my wall and within half an hour we had raised the deposit to start the surgery.

We ended up raising over 500,000 Naira for her medical treatment which lasted a while.

What I enjoy about my job

I enjoy helping people. That is what makes me happy. I like seeing everyone around me happy and smiling. In every job I have done, that is what has kept me satisfied and motivated.

3 women who inspire me and why

First, my Mum; She has worked hard and tirelessly to give us a good life. She is the most hard working and innovative woman I know. She is dogged and never gives up.

Defunke Adewumi – She has a heart for women and children. I saw the love, care and humility in her post and knew I must be her friend. She has supported me in many ways and continues to be a beacon for women and children in Nigeria.

Michelle Obama – A Queen!

The Nigerian Government and it’s support for the Gender Based Violence sector

So far, I have seen that Lagos state has taken the fight against rape seriously. I believe all other states need to follow suit. There should be special Police Officers trained on how to handle such cases and special courts to fast track such cases through.

There needs to be adequate shelters to house victims and survivors. There should also be programmes put together to help them recover psychologically and help them start up business or get jobs and reintegrate into society. All states need to adopt the Child Rights Act and make sure children are protected from exploitation either sexually or via labour. Every child has a right to good education and a good life free from abuse.

Work life balance

It is quite difficult, and I have to keep reminding myself I cannot do it all. The requests for help are more than I can handle, and each one rips through the heart chords. It is especially sad for me each time I turn some people away, but I have to do so. I try to get some time to myself, and I also work on spending lots of time with my children. They are quite young and need a lot of my time right now. I try to maintain a good balance.

One thing I wish I could change in the Gender Based Violence Sector

There needs to be a budget to support women and children who are victims of all forms of abuse. Shelters should be built to house them while working on helping them to integrate back into society. Children who are found to be child labourers in homes, can be taken away and given better lives rather than waiting for them to be abused and degraded by their mean bosses. Their only crime is being born into poverty.

Receiving the right livelihood award in 2021 for reducing hunger

I was excited and grateful for being recognized. The work is done out of love, but it is nice to know my peers see it as something commendable.

Being a woman of Rubies

I am a woman using my abilities to help make a change and impact the world around me.

In Inspiration March 4, 2022 By Women of Rubies

”I Learnt The Importance Of Giving And Caring From My Parents“-Lydia Okojie, Miss Ecowas Nigeria 2021

Lydia Eseoghene Okojie is an Entrepreneur who holds a BSC. Ed in Accounting education. Being raised as a Christian and a lover of God, She is a worker in the church serving God in the Choir department as a Praise leader and the media unit.

As a Youth in the Church, She supports the ministry of Jesus Christ in her best way. Having gathered experience in Events planning , red carpet hosting and Experiential marketing as a HAWKER, she now coordinate Event Staffs She founded her own company.
Lydia Okojie Tv, this is a company that trains and provides professional individuals on skills regarding to hosting, Red carpet and becoming masters of ceremonies. Lydia okojie cakes and event and she holds certificate of training in Catering services.

As a beauty queen, Current MISS ECOWAS NIGERIA 2021. she began her modelling career in 2016 after winning Miss Photogenic, then Edo state Next Top Model, then Miss Motivational in 2018, she made her way into Entertainment industry, where she’s now into content creation( skit making).

She believes in giving and impacting lives and this has made her to be known as a humanitarian, this gives her so much joy.

She shares her Ruby Girl story with the team.

1. Tell us about your childhood, Lydia. What was growing up like for you?

The part I enjoyed more in my childhood is falling in love with God at a young age. I spent most of my time being in God’s presence, attending choir rehearsal and my parents were very supportive. I think it is what they wanted because they would prefer that I go to church rather than visiting anyone both in good and worse times.

One thing I learnt from my parents while growing up was the attitude of “giving and caring for others.” I can recall how my mum would cook and give to our neighbors each time there’s harvest in the church and plenty rice was shared my mum would share it among the neighbours.

This happened during my childhood and I adapted, I could recall sharing my foodstuff with friends in school that didn’t have and sometimes giving out cash in my little way.

2. ‎Have you always had a flair for catering and modelling from a young age?

I love good food, I love to cook and being the eldest child I’ve learnt the skill of making nice meals for my younger ones. I learnt baking and catering after graduating from school.

There are no specific requirements though, the question is, is modeling your passion? If yes that means you have these qualities: intelligent, smart,bold, beautiful, self confident and lastly you need to trust God for the process and put him first.

3. What motivated the launch of Lydia Okojie Tv?

Well, I got passion to always be in front of camera, interviewing notable people and guest, I love hosting shows.
The feelings were true that I couldn’t resist it. As a reigning beauty queen, I knew I can do a lot using LYDIA OKOJIE TV platform.

4. ‎How was your decision to pursue modelling and aspiration as a Beauty Queen received by your close contacts?

It was quite interesting but only few persons associated themselves with me because of my family financial status most of my classmate saw me hawking in the market and sometimes won’t want to talk to me. I began hawking while I was in primary school.

(Smiles) Yes, my family is my biggest fan, and few friends, my dad & mum have always supported me as long as I don’t make them regret it, at the earliest had no contacts, I had no sponsor but I had God.

5. ‎What are the challenges young entrepreneurs in the fashion, modeling & entertainment world face and is there any specific one you encountered?

There are so many challenges that if you aren’t strong enough and determined in your career you could give up easily so, I’ll advise that whatever the challenge may encounter stay strong, focused, seek and accept positive counsel, believe in yourself and pray.

Some of the challenges I’m facing as an entrepreneur are:
Mental stress: Being a young entrepreneur and managing a growing business is hardwork. It is not really easy coping financially and employing people to relieve you stress of managing social media, attending to people calling for enquiries, graphic designing, etc so do all these myself…Yes, I do everything myself for now and it’s really stressful you know.

Office space: This is a major challenge that I really need to sort as soon as possible because it’s affecting my business growth. Most people appreciate you more and feel safer to do business with you when they are able to meet you at a physical place that is comfortable and not just online meeting.

6. An accessory you can’t leave home without?

(Smiles) My wrist watch.

7. ‎What are the services Lydia Okojie Tv provides?

Rendering of hosting events, providing of well trained professional models for brands, video shoot and adverts.
Providing of well trained Event Staff i.e Ushers, Bouncers, cartoon characters, interview session with kids on the street sharing their experiences interview session with mentors and coaches.

Handling of experiential marketing for brands for creating awareness and increase in sales making.

8. ‎An unpopular random fact about you.

I love having a pretty hair do and makeup on but I seldomly have them because I would prefer to look my simple way.

9. ‎ If you were to contest for Nigeria’s presidency, what is the major change you will present in your manifesto?

Ensure that those who hawk for their parents
are given scholarships from primary to university.

Those street kids who can’t read nor write will be taught a skill and empowered.

Women will take lead role in government position and make decisions. I could make women become governors in each state of Nigeria.

10. Mention 3 women who inspire you and why?

Mrs Florence Okojie, that’s my mom.
She is a virtuous woman, if you meet my mom you can’t help but call her mother because she will treat you like her own child. She is a mother that every child would want to have, shes so strong, shes independent, she’s beautiful in every aspect. I love you mum.

Second woman that inspires me is Mrs Oprah Winfrey, her story tells alot about me and my background. She is kind. She makes ugly memories beautiful, you will appreciate Oprah Winfrey in your life, I admire her so much she’s my mentor, she manages her roles excellently, I hope to meet her soon.

The third woman that inspires me is a famous Mitchelle Obama. I love her for her simplicity and support she gave her husband right from the time they met.

11. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

(Laughs) In the next five years, I see myself fulfilled.

12. If you were given the opportunity to address a group of young girls just setting out in their modelling career, what will be your advice to them?

My advise to them is they should not be desperate, be patient with yourself, always tell yourself you’re beautiful and you will succeed, learn a skill if you’re not schooled even if you’re, they should ask to learn more (seek counsel) don’t cut corners take one step at a time, seek God first in everything, be a good woman for yourself, your society and your generation unborn.

In Inspiration February 26, 2022 By Esther Ijewere

Ayodele Olaniregun Shares Gain And Pain Of Being An Online Vendor

Olaniregun Ayodele is the CEO of STUNGBYBEAUTY, a Nigerian based business focused on selling quality shoes, bags and other beauty items. The LAUTECH graduate share some lessons she’s learnt from being an online vendor and how she has continuously scale up, despite the challenges.

Meet Ayo

I am a graduate of Ladoke Akintola University of Technology (LAUTECH) . Though I had the vision to become an entrepreneur. I have worked customer service executive for a short period of time. I also went through training as a call center agent for one of the telecommunications company in Nigeria before I finally decided to pursue my dream as an entrepreneur in the year 2016. I started off as a makeup artist, selling makeup products, jewelleries and underwear. But i had the desire for more so I decided to try out some other business, so I decided to go into fashion (shoes,bags,clothing and lots more)

The journey so far

Since I started in 2018, the business has made tremendous progress even though it has not been smooth sailing all the way, we have survived against all odds. We have grown our customer based by satisfying our old customers and referrals from both our customers and well meaning friends of the business (social media influencers, friends and well wishers)

Challenges

The business has faced some challenges over the years, for instance;

– we have had our Instagram account taken down

– difficulty gaining customers trust due to lots of scammers on social media platforms especially for business that is predominantly online

-putting up with difficult customers for example use of fake transaction alert to buy product from our store

-and some challenges we face everyday like difficult dispatch riders, customers not picking up calls even when expecting delivery and the likes

Staying positive

Despite all the challenges businesses face in Nigeria, I will say there is still great potential for entrepreneurs in the business atmosphere in Nigeria. Thank you for the wonderful opportunity to feature in your article. It’s an honor well appreciated.

Connect with Ayo

Instagram handle – @stung_by_beauty

Twitter- @stungbybeauty

Tiktok- @stungbybeauty

Business line – 08065071914

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