Women of Rubies
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The Stigmatization Single Mums Face Has Gone On For Too Long-Weyinmi Eribo

 In a world where female breadwinners are constantly judged and misunderstood for walking out of abusive relationships, there are women who are bent on changing the narrative, and making sure lone parents are supported, appreciated, empowered and economically stable; Weyinmi Eribo is one of them.

She is the founder and chief community builder of Wevvo Nigeria, a community based platform that supports female breadwinners with capacity development, access to finance, and mentoring across Nigeria.

Weyinmi is a trained geologist cum development expert with a focus on enterprise development, gender and financial inclusion. She has over 10 years of experience across oil and gas, extractives, impact investing, gender lens investing, and entrepreneurship.  She is passionate about the economic development of women and has worked on several international and local projects that support the advancement of (female) entrepreneurship and financial inclusion

She is an Acumen West Africa ’22 fellow, a StartingBloc ’19 social innovation fellow and Regional Chair, West Africa Alumni, a World Bank Scholar, Orange Knowledge Program Scholar, a Cherie Blair Foundation Alumni and an Alumni of EDC.

She is a contributor for a National Newspaper in Nigeria, and was drafted as a member of the ministerial focal group for the design of the Nigeria Youth Investment Fund. Her organisation recently signed a partnership with LAPO microfinance bank to financially empower female breadwinners.

Weyinmi shares her inspiring journey and the inspiration behind her passion to support female breadwinners in this interview with Esther Ijewere.

Childhood Influence

I am the last of 6 children, 4 of which are boys. Growing up we all did the same chores, ate the same meals, and mostly attended the same schools. My father was a very liberal man and in no way made me feel less than my brothers and so I grew up in a home with no gender biases. My father was intentional about his family.  His philosophy about life was on humanity, as such men and women play different roles, he believed that we are all blessed and contribute to the value of life. This has played a major role in my work and career path, I don’t cower in the face of challenges and my decisions are not influenced by gender. I am able to take risks and dare to advocate for the causes I believe in.

Inspiration behind Wevvo Nigeria

I was at the airport one day traveling with my daughter, juggling several bags and trying to answer nerve wracking questions about the maternity of my daughter from immigration officials, while also trying to chase down a toddler who was running around. Suddenly a lady came up behind me and offered to help me with some of my bags, and after about a minute asked if I was a single mum. I responded in the affirmative and we both burst out crying, laughing and hugging each other, so many unspoken words were said in less than 2 minutes.

I realized how much pressure female breadwinners carry by themselves, in addition to the stereotyping and stigmatization that the community places on us without any support of any kind whatsoever. I looked out for a group of women like us who could share our struggles together and still find a way to support each other in our work and businesses but did not really find one and so Wevvo was born. A community created to support female breadwinners through capacity development, access to relevant financial products and services and a safe space to heal, grow and thrive.

I have seen first-hand how women who were once strangers have built friendships and sisterhood and supported themselves through the journey of motherhood and self-discovery and we are all getting better for it. It is truly amazing to see and meet women who through shared struggles and values are creating a better life for themselves and their children.

 Why I am focusing on female breadwinners

Wevvo Nigeria is intentional about the women we serve. Although gender issues are cross-cutting, we realized that we needed to speak specifically about female breadwinners because there is an upward surge in the number of female-headed households. The national Bureau of statistics puts that number at about 19%. There are women who are catering for more than 4 children alone, without any form of support, financial or non-financial. These were mere statistical numbers to me till I connected with women in the Wevvo Community who this is their reality. There is no structured support for female breadwinners in Nigeria and that is what Wevvo Nigeria is trying to provide.

Wevvo’s partnership with LAPO Microfinance Bank to support female breadwinners

Firstly, LAPO Microfinance Bank is such an inspiration and the leadership of the organization within the financial sector is a real case study of what it means to patriotic.The project with LAPO MFB started about a year ago where we had an initial partnership to support women who run businesses with loans. The partnership at the time was simply an access to loans for the women in the Wevvo Community. As we progressed however, we saw the need to design a special product that catered to female breadwinners across the country, through the Wevvo Community. This led to the relaunch of these special accounts that have been created now. I must mention that this would not have been possible without the exemplary leadership of the Managing Director, Mrs Cynthia Ikponwosa, the head of communications, Mr Remi Akande and the head of Corporate Planning, Mrs Dorcas Thorpe of LAPO MFB.

These special products include a loan facility where female breadwinners can access loans up to 3Million naira without collateral at 2.5% reducing balance and a savings account with target savings of 15,000 to access free medical health insurance policy for one year and 60,000 for 6 months with the chance to access scholarship for a child. Through these products, single mothers across the country will have access to credit facilities across all the 500 branches that LAPO MFB has, so regardless of their location and economic strata, they have the opportunity to grow their businesses regardless of the kind of business they are involved in.

How my 10 years of experience in  the oil and gas, and impact investment sector influenced my work ethics

Having had years of experience across several sectors, this has helped me in broadening my knowledge and interaction with women and men who are also in these sectors. It has also helped me to understand a cross section of women and what challenges they face at different stages of their careers and life and how this affects their mindsets and sometimes their response to life, as well as the opportunities that exist in supporting women. This understanding has further helped in spurring the right kind of conversations that can create a shift in the way society responds to the issues of female breadwinners and inspires the kind of solutions and empowerment programs we design and create for them.

Challenges

The most challenging issue I face is the mindset of some female breadwinners. Unfortunately, because of society’s narrative of single mums, a lot of women have bought into the victim mentally and this ripples into most other areas of their lives. They assume a defeatist position in the way they react and respond to life. A woman who may have undergone a divorce or broken relationship thinks she is synonymous with failure; a widow assumes she is plagued with bad luck and this keeps them shut mentally and they are not motivated enough to chase their dreams or take advantage of the opportunities we provide.

As an organization, we also face the issue of funding as there are quite a bit of empowerment projects we want to undertake for the women in the community that we cannot run presently. Wevvo has been self funded since its inception over two years ago but I’m hopeful that as we continue to grow, we would find ways to become self-sufficient.

Other projects and activities

Most of my work is built around the support and economic empowerment of women. I am co-founder of an agric-financing company, SEEDS Services limited, which is a social impact organization that provides women with the opportunity to Learn, Earn and Grow. At SEEDS, we support the work of female smallholder farmers and women in agribusiness by enhancing their capacity, creating market access opportunities, and giving them the opportunity to grow and scale their businesses through relevant financing opportunities.

I am also a certified business development service provider and so I support local and international projects focused on building a better entrepreneurship ecosystem and creating more opportunities for entrepreneurs to succeed.

 What I enjoy most about my job

Funmi is a hairstylist who had a little shop at the corner of her neighborhood. She accessed a loan from Wevvo and was able to purchase hair extensions in bulk and acquired a few pieces of equipment to improve the services she offered. In one year, Funmi was able to pay her loan back in full, increased her store capacity and employed an extra hand to help with customers. Funmi is just one of the many success stories that have come out of our community. It gives me great joy to see women blossom because this also means an improved access to healthcare, education, and better livelihood for her family. This possibility of improved and happier lives for not only the women we work with but their children and communities, makes it all worthwhile.

Beyond that however, is the privilege of seeing people. This is the hardest thing for everyone.  We don’t see ourselves or others. My job helps me to see people, their challenges, their triggers and trauma which has made me a kinder person.

3 women who inspire me and why

My mother, Mrs Kate Eribo, remains the most tenacious, hardworking and loving person I know.

Mrs Imaobong Amaechi, who is the current CEO of Gobeth Reliance investment company. She is a silent force and does so much with a big smile on her face and so much grace.

Oprah Winfrey, who teaches me every day that you can define life on your own terms.

How we can educate the society on the stigmatization of female breadwinners

We need to call it out. This stigmatization that female breadwinners face has gone on for too long because we have remained silent. The movies that continue to portray single mothers as loose or desperate women looking for any opportunity to “dig gold”, the conversations that make women who leave abusive marriages or relationships as victims rather than survivors, the narratives that female breadwinners are “secondhand goods”, they all need to stop, and this starts with those of us who know better calling it out when people peddle these stories. We all have friends who were raised by single mothers, or were ourselves raised by single mothers ourselves, or a sister, cousin, friend, colleague who is one and if we truly admit, some of these women are the most hard-working women you can come across. We must intentionally begin to create opportunities that support them rather than box them into walls that we as society has created.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I believe that a woman of rubies is one who uses the bricks thrown at her to build stairways for herself and other women to climb up. The average woman is faced with systemic disadvantages and this is mostly as a result of financial constraints and lack of education. I am deeply passionate about the economic advancement of women and will continue to find ways to advocate and support policies and interventions that provide solutions and opportunities for women.

How female breadwinners can #Breakthebias

It starts with the mind. The narratives we believe about ourselves have a lot to do with the way our lives play out regardless of whether one is a female breadwinner or not.  Raising children on your own is not a plague and it doesn’t make you any less than the next person, no one is isolated from challenges, single or not. We must continue to strive for better opportunities and dare to dream for better lives for ourselves and families. We can change these norms by collectively challenging the status quo through education and advocacy.

 

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I started Omaness Skinfood To​ Empower And​ Enrich The Lives Of Women- Ifeoma Adibe-Chukwuka

From the humblest of beginnings, Ifeoma Adibe-Chukwuka began her journey into social entrepreneurship at 19 when she founded her first non-profit organization​ ​(AYECI Africa) focused on providing educational intervention and access to work opportunities for young people and women in low-income communities.

Ifeoma is also the Founder and CEO of The Omaness Skinfood Company, an indigenous skinfood production company which began its operation in 2018.​ ​She broke the ​mould​ to become West Africa’s first homegrown skinfood products company “with an all-women direct distribution and merchant force”, as she likes to say.

Social Impact, Economic Empowerment and African Development- These three​ ​words best describe Ifeoma’s focus as an Entrepreneur. In 2019, Omaness launched the Business of Skinfood Program, a unique distribution model that allows Omaness to retail its products directly to consumers everyday through an all-women merchant force! The Business of Skinfood program is a deliberate approach to unlock a generation of new sustainable income source for women and exemplify the ideal of creating African-based solutions to African problems.

With over 40 products in the market, Ifeoma is breaking boundaries through Omaness Ski​n​food. She shares her inspiring journey exclusively with Esther Ijewere in this Interview.

Childhood Influence

One of my childhood dreams was to become a beauty queen. I recall being fascinated by the world of beauty pageantry. I was not only drawn by the glamour and I was deeply inspired by the way beauty queens used their voice and their platform to advocate, raise public awareness and support for worthy social causes. I remember I had a diary where I wrote down the names of several beauty queens and a portfolio of the social causes they were involved in.

As a teenager, this experience helped influence my ambition, and nurtured my interest to become a social change agent.

Today, I am a social entrepreneur who advocates strongly for women empowerment, education and local enterprise development. I may not be your regular beauty queen but I’m living out the childhood dream I once had to use my voice, skill and platform for social good!

 Inspiration behind Omaness Skinfood

 Before starting Omaness Skinfood, I had spent over a decade working and creating charity interventions for young people and women in low-income communities. During that period one of the things that became a pressing concern for me as I worked in those communities, was how I could help women who struggled with financial inadequacies and lack of opportunity to earn a decent income.

In 2016, while I was pregnant with my first child, I got a gift of shea butter from one of the women who was a beneficiary of my organization’s community learning program and I had my first real skin-enriching experience with that shea butter! The shea butter was so good and I wondered why this woman wasn’t making more money from her produce? It was this question that sparked the idea for Omaness Skinfood!

I thought to myself “How can I use my platform to get more people to know about this woman’s amazing local produce and get them to buy?”​ ​This was when I realized that if I can do this, I would have created a solution that can enable local artisan women earn more and have a sustainable income source.

This is what inspired me to start Omaness Skinfood, knowing I could create a social business that would enable me to enrich the lives of women in a sustainable and profitable manner!

The journey so far

Initially, when we launched Omaness Skinfood products the reception was slow because the majority of our target consumers were only used to foreign cosmetic products, while others were interested in skin whitening products. But over the last 4years since we launched Omaness Skinfood, we have stayed true to the mission behind the brand that is “to use naturally-active homegrown ingredients to create functional skinfood products best suited for the African skin” and I must say that our consistent brand positioning is gradually paying off as the consumer reception for our products has improved compared to when we first started!

What motivated me to start my entrepreneurship journey at age 19

 I founded my first non-profit organization (AYECI Africa) at 19 while I was a student at Lagos State Polytechnic. My campus was located in a low-income community and I witnessed first-hand the lack of learning opportunities and exposure that affected many low-income students.  This became my motivation for venturing into social entrepreneurship and founding AYECI Africa. With funding from corporate sponsorship and volunteer support the organization provides access to learning, employability skills and dignified livelihood opportunities for under-served young people and women.

 How I Impact​ed​ the lives of over 30,000 youths and raised over N250m funding support

 First, there’s a sense of fulfilment that comes with this kind of achievement, knowing that what I do is making a real difference in the lives of people who would not have otherwise benefitted without my intervention.

Secondly, I feel a sense of responsibility to do more! Knowing that there are millions of other young people and women in need of social intervention.

 Challenges of running my business

 First, one of the challenges we encounter at Omaness Skinfood is (impact) sourcing of our raw materials. Our business model at Omaness Skinfood is deliberate in its approach at ensuring women are key players and direct beneficiaries in supplying our raw materials. However, because the majority of these women are rural dwellers with limited access to mechanized processing equipment, we usually face the challenge of sourcing bulk materials within a shorter time frame. There is also the challenge we face with cumbersome government policies and rising cost of production that are unfavourable to growing businesses like mine.

Omaness products, our skinfood programme and accessibility of our products

Our skinfood products at Omaness are formulated to be functional to address common African skin concerns. We use naturally-active homegrown ingredients like shea butter, dogonyaro, tamarind, baobab etc. to create products that provide nourishment, healing and help our people put their best skin forward! Our skinfood products are sold directly to the final consumers through our authorized skinfood merchants. We created the business of skinfood distribution program onboard women to become independent retailers of our skinfood products, The program provides training, business support and empowers women to earn and build their own skinfood retail business.

How Omaness has impacted the women’s community

Since our official launch in 2018, Omaness has continued to enrich the lives of women. As a women-driven and impact-focused skinfood company, we have been deliberate in our approach at ensuring women are active players and profit fairly in every stage of our value chain. Omaness has continued to enrich the lives of women who are part of our supply chain in Badagry, Maiduguri, Nsukka, Tede,and Akure. We are also providing employment for the women who work in our production facility and creating an opportunity for hundreds of women to earn profitably by retailing our products as Skinfood Merchants.

What I enjoy most about my job

One of the things I enjoy most about my job as a social entrepreneur is the sense of purpose and fulfillment it gives me, seeing that my work is solving a social problem and making a real difference in the lives of people, communities and the African continent!

 3 women who inspire me and why

First, would be Sara Blakely, an American female inventor, entrepreneur and founder of Spanx, a global leading shapewear and undergarment brand. I admire how she built her company from scratch into a global prominent brand now worth over $1billion. Next would be Tara Fela Durotoye, a Nigerian beauty entrepreneur and founder of House of Tara International. I admire how she pioneered the bridal makeup profession in Nigeria and a prestigious Nigerian-owned makeup line. Finally, would be Madam C.J Walker, I got to discover her story through a Netflix true life inspired series. It was so inspiring watching her story about how she created a homemade line of hair care products for Black women and her rise from poverty to becoming one of the wealthiest African American women of her time! One thing that stood out for me about her was how she built her haircare empire and financially empowered over 20,000 black women who sold her products.

 Message for young women who are trying to go into skinfood business

 There is room for more! We are yet to scratch the surface of Africa’s skinfood sector potential!

 Work-life balance

 First, I am able to manage it all because I have an amazing support system. I am blessed to have a husband who understands, supports me fully and is constantly encouraging me to succeed! As a mom of 2 daughters one of the things that have kept me grounded is the aspiration to become the woman they can look up to and I hope my career and impact as an entrepreneur play a role to help them see that they were born to make a difference!

Being a Woman of Rubies

 I am a woman who continues to use her work as an entrepreneur to serve and enrich the lives of others!​ ​This is what makes me a WOMAN OF RUBIES!

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‘My Mother’s Legacy Is The Inspiration Behind Black Diamonds Support Foundation’-Adefunke Oluremi Adewumi

Adefunke ​Oluremi ​Adewumi is a goal getter and a force to reckon with. She is committed to supporting indigent communities, providing shelter for homeless victims of domestic violence , and empowering widows and single mums across the nation, through her non-governmental organisation, Black Diamonds Support Foundation (BDSF).

Adefunke’s popularity increased with her annual outreach tagged ‘PROJECT 5000’ – An event which comes up every year, on the 26th of December, and brings together a minimum of 5000 indigent children from various slums across the state, and they are given free medical attention, free back-to-school packs, food, clothing, and a Christmas party.​ ​Her passion for seeing both children and adults live to their full capabilities and for women to thrive, birthed her creating the ‘ UNMASKED – Her Truth’ event, which allows women to be free, and be themselves, without the fear of being judged or condemned.

The Alumni of the University of Ado-Ekiti and Master of Arts in International relations and strategic studies​ from Benue state University​ is also the CEO of The Food Sense Shop- A business that boasts of selling a variety of African items across the world.

 

​Defunke is a passionate ​Gender-based Violence advocate​ ​who has continuously used her platforms to advocate and support victims of domestic violence, rape , child abuse and molestation​. and lend her voice to voiceless single mums in the society​​. She is committed to adding value to humanity and living intentionally.

She ​shares her inspiring ​journey ​with ​Esther Ijewere​ in this interview.

Childhood Influence

I was born into a family filled with love and independence, my was my first role model , she was a skillful entrepreneur and counsel head  . My mother was a perfectionist, and she could multitask diligently. She was a major mentor in what I’ve grown to become today. My house was always occupied by total strangers, homeless and orphaned children, widows and impoverished women and men because my mother was a philanthropist to the core. She embraces everyone and would even prefer to give her last drop of water to a thirsty stranger than for her to drink it.

I would say the life she lived molded me into what I do now , going over the edge to get things done and being able to spearhead multiple things at a time from my childhood .

Inspiration behind Black Diamonds​ ​​Support ​ Foundation​ (BDSF)​

My mother’s legacy is the inspiration behind Black Diamonds Support Foundation, she was a lover of children , women , widows , orphans and the homeless. After she passed on to glory there were lots of people who depended on her for survival and I could not sit by and watch her legacy die.

Why I bring 5000 indigent children together for my annual project

Yes I do that to put smiles on the faces of these underserved children in mostly neglected communities. We have been running it for years. Unfortunately, ​It couldn’t ​​hold in  2021 due to the covid 19 safety guides , instead we did project 5000 food boxes , we supplied 5000 families with raw food items that is enough to last for the festive period ( rice , noodles , spaghetti, semo, oil, garri, yam flour , pepper and tomato pastes) we also supported children with back to school items like bags and books.

Motivation behind​ my foo​d items brand​; ​ “Food sense​ shop​”

The Food Sense Shop was born out of my love for healthy foods, I appreciate nature alot and it had always been my dream to own my own raw food brand where I can change the common use of additives and chemical preservatives in our food items. Majority of the sickness out there is as a result of unhealthy foods and drinks we take in. To cause a change in getting local foods without preservation, led me to start the food sense shop.

My passion and drive for issues that affect women and children, such as rape, domestic violence and molestation, and we can get the society involved

I have been a victim of domestic violence, sexual assaults, child discrimination and abuse. This has been a drive for me to rescue as many as I can and my late mum for women and children when she was alive had been a force to do more than she had done. The helplessness of vulnerable women and children are heartbreaking, they can be traumatizing. I can’t just keep quiet when I know there is something I can do in my little way to help people. I can identify with them, I’ve been in their shoes, their hurts and abuse and hunger is like mine. We have gone to slums across the country to do our bits and we hope they pass it on too.

Challenges as an entrepreneur and stakeholder in the GBV sector

The economic meltdown is a major challenge for an entrepreneur like me, the prices of raw materials have skyrocketed by over a 100% and this kills business by paralyzing the demand curve. Despite being in the business of locally harvested crops. As a GBV Survivor and advocate, the laid-back attitude, insensitivity of our people, the cultural patriarchal communal living system, impunity, lack of funds and emotional trauma we face is extreme these days. Forget all the paperwork and policies. We are still far behind in getting it right as a country in the area of prompt sensitivity to GBV.

other projects and activities

Unmasked hertruth: A women group we created to intentionally be Deliberate to be better as women in all ramifications. A healing, learning and networking hub for women 16+.

We are also  trying to raise funds for our humanitarian projects this year and extend our Humanitarian Services to more zones in Nigeria, and expand food sense shop in a global model as the number one choice for African (Nigeria) locally foods suppliers.

3 women who inspire ​me​ and why

My late Mum: She was a phenomenal legend. A giver per excellence. Philanthropist to the core who goes all out of her way to ensure women and children in her community do well. She is a lover of Humanity, she works for others to be happy

Tobore​ Anne Emorhokpor​: She is ​the ​drive for the majority of our projects and goes all out to ensure our humanitarian projects do not go unaccomplished. Our coming together had helped us to achieve so many feats because she is selfless and committed to ensure women and children are not helpless in her own way.

Ellen DeGeneres: Her heart of giving is second to none and she is non judgemental and love everyone no matter who they are and help as many as she can help, without thinking of who or what they are

My perception of marriage as it relates to the  Nigerian society

To me marriage is a union of togetherness and when I say ‘togetherness’ , it is in the entirety of its sense , in all aspects of the union .  I am not a believer of the average Nigerian mentality that most couples practice, you’re married and you can both do what you like in the way that pleases either of you, a union should be about support, communication, motivation, growth , loyalty, commitment and a foundation built on God.

Stigmatization of single mums 

​There is so much stigmatization, Cultural setbacks and society victimizing single mums. There is so much to be done, but if single mums can give support to each other,dignifying their option of taking the bold steps of living for their kids despite societal judgmental insensitive patriarchal approach to them, they will rise above all the odds that is a daily factor to limit them from their goals in life. I will also want single mums to stop the pity party victimization of themselves. Being a single mum is not a disability. Be dignified

Being a  Woman of Rubies, mom, entrepreneur, women’s advocate, and support system to many, and managing it all

I take each day as it come​,​ as I know that each of these roles must not fail. So I do well in planning, delegating duties to others.

—

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#Interview| I Started Safe Pregnancy Africa To Curb Maternal And Child Mortality Rate- Emmanuella Inah

Nurses are unique, they have the insatiable need to care for others, and that is their strength. Caring is the essence of nursing and midwives . These words describe Emannuella Inah , a registered Nurse and Midwife who is touching lives, and changing narratives through her work. ​

She is passionate about seeing that women of African descent go through  pregnancy effortlessly and are armed with information relevant for maternal and child health. Through​ her initiative;​ Safe Pregnancy Africa, a community of black women which she founded​. ​Emmanuella dedicates her time to teaching and mentoring women through the trimesters of pregnancy, contributing to curbing maternal and child mortality rates in Nigeria and Africa as a whole.

She is also the founder of the  Preggy pidgin podcast, a platform that gained global recognition after emerging as one of the 35 best pregnancy podcasts in the world in 2021. She uses the platform  to reach the inner cities of Africa, educating people on successfully transitioning from pregnancy to delivery without complications using the  Nigerian pidgin, a language as old as Nigeria and spoken in several countries of the Africa continent.

In 2020, Emmanuella was listed as one of the 100 outstanding women Nurse and Midwife leaders in the world. A list which was compiled by the World Health Organization, International Council of Midwives, Nursing Now, Women in global health and UNPFA.

She has three books to her name, one of which  is titled “The PREGGY workbook “ . It is  a simplified guide to going through pregnancy and labour with concrete  information and a space for the pregnant woman to journal her experiences using prompts and questions from the book. The book is written with captivating content laced in stories that catches the human’s heart and attention.

Emmanuella is a force to reckon with and a visionary.​ She shares her inspiring journey with Esther Ijewere in this interview.

Growing up

The thought of being a Nurse or midwife never crossed my mind until a school Nurse said I acted like a real Nurse. This was in primary school, many years before I became an adult but her words never left my mind. I would later ask my mother if I truly behaved like a Nurse. It was all exciting, I took her words as a compliment, dear compliments. What nobody realised was that She planted a desire in my heart. I read books because my mother said Nurses read big books and solved hard mathematical equations because papa says it’s what Nurses do. My uniforms were neat and ironed because I didn’t want Nurse Joy to take back her kind words. The foundation for the Nurse I am today was laid years before I realised I would someday be a Nurse.

I grew into loving the profession, I had access to beautiful videos and pictures of Nurses , my mother made them available, she told me lovely stories too. Those stories infiltrated my subconsciousness and made me long for the day I would wear the Nurse’ white gown and the Nightingale’s cap. So, it wasn’t difficult to choose Nursing when I got two admission letters to either study Nursing and Chemical Science.

Inspiration behind my initiatives; Safe Pregnancy Africa and Preggy pidgin podcast

In 2018, I and three other midwives were posted to a community in Nigeria to serve for a month. In those few weeks, my eyes were opened to the large knowledge gap amongst pregnant women. The things I considered simple and expected everybody would know were things many of the women didn’t know. In that community I saw that women got pregnant by chance, there was never preparation for the health of the woman, the finances of the family, education on recognising danger signs in pregnancy and generally poor knowledge on how to successfully transition from pregnancy to puerperium.

​​My colleagues and I did a good job in educating the villagers, we took health education to the village squares and markets, and held meetings with the Chiefs on how to get funding for the Primary Health care centre.

When I got back home, there was unrest in my spirit. I knew there were other women in several other places with zero knowledge about their health, body and pregnancy. So, I went online and created Safe Pregnancy Africa, a community for women of African descent where I would educate on everything that bothers maternal and child health. A platform where I could answer questions and give guidance to as many women as I could reach.

In 2019, I realised my message was better understood when I taught in Pidgin English. I got many women asking questions for more clarification and many others speaking out. It bridged the language barrier I never knew existed. I was able to break down compound topics like Preeclampsia/eclampsia into understandable bits teaching in pidgin. This gave birth to the Preggy Pidgin Podcast. The listenership has grown from Nigeria to 38 other African countries with positive feedback every week.

Preggy pidgin podcast nominated as one of the 5 best pregnancy podcasts in the world

Consistency​ made that happen. ​ It is one thing to take a step, it is another thing to remain consistent​. ​I understood that for my message to penetrate the busy online space and get to my core audience, I have to remain consistent.

The journey so far

So far, so good. It may sound cliche but that is how it’s been.The feedback has been great, the love and positivity are some of the motivation that fuels my conviction and consistency.

Why I pitched ​my​ tent in the nursing and midwifery sector

Becoming a Nurse was easy because I believe life prepared me for the profession, but specializing in midwifery came as a result of an event that happened in 2012. It happened on a Sunday when many people had gone to church. A young lady from the village had come to stay with her husband in the neighbourhood. It was just her third week in town but she was almost due to deliver. That morning, her scream stormed the yard. The lady was in labour and not just that, the baby’s head was already in the vulva. I still don’t know if she attempted to deliver the child herself but the child’s head was trapped between her thighs and it was already turning blue. I was the first to rush into her room before other women joined in. That sight has never left my head. At that moment I wished I could do something, something to help the woman and her baby whose eyeballs were already swollen. She lost the child. Later on, I would come to learn about precipitate labour but I still wonder  what happened to the dear lady. That was the first time I wished I were a midwife. Also, the growing rate of maternal mortality inspired my decision to become a midwife. I wanted to contribute my quota to the noble course of ensuring that women especially of the African descent go through pregnancy ready, healthy, and knowledgeable.

Challenges of my work

Trust! I am a petite midwife and often, women in labour would like midwives who look physically competent. Funny right? But I have had a few challenges proving myself.

Other projects and activities

I am working on funding and distributing birth packs to 3 communities in Nigeria under Safe Pregnancy Africa. Also, I am looking to partnering with international organisations to carry out health centre renovations and sponsor training for health workers.

What I enjoy most about ​my​ job

It is the satisfaction. Nothing compares to the peace of welcoming a child into the world. Midwifery is a ministry. My hands have touched and handled purity. From the first time a newborn takes their first breath and lets out that loud cry, I am there. I think it’s right to say, I stand by the gate of life. Hahaha.

3 women who inspire me and why

One of the women that inspire me is my mother. She is very resilient and confident. Once she sets her mind to do a thing, wink an eyelid and you see the results displayed. She is focused, determined and loving.

Remi Owadokun is another woman that inspires me, she is smart. Remi utilizes resources within her environment and her reach to achieve goals one would think are farfetched.  She is smart.

Ugochi Obidiegwu is a focused woman. She inspires me. I have seen her take up projects that seemed complex and  accomplish them in a moment of time.

These women play huge roles in my life and I am blessed to have them.

Women’s awareness on maternal and child mortality rates

Not many women realize that the mortality rates are high. If we share these details with more women, they will be more interested in knowing details about their health before even falling pregnant. That is why The Preggy Pidgin podcast pushes this information through pidgin English, trying hard to ensure that more women understand the process of transitioning from no pregnancy to pregnancy and everything in between.

What can we do better as a society to educate women on mortality rate and safe pregnancy

It starts from the grass roots. If we could dedicate more time to teaching during Antenatal clinics in health centres. Answering questions without the terminologies and creating a warm setting for women to be free to express themselves. Also, training or educating the Traditional Birth Attendants ( TBA). Most women in our communities trust the TBA, if we could arm more TBAs with correct information, then they would know what to say to the women who trust them and such information would correspond to global standards.

One thing I wish to change in the midwifery sector, especially in Nigeria

Remuneration of staff!

Being a Woman of Rubies

I am teachable, smart and loving.

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#Interview|”I Enjoy Helping People Find Love Through Matchmaking”- Chiddie Anyasodo

Many singles  are seeking true love, love that is pure, safe and whole. Love that allows them to connect to their highest self, because they know that true love doesn’t need to be perfect, It just has to be true. Dating apps are fast becoming the “one stop centre” and go-to places to find companionship these days.

However, there is a more direct way to connect with your life partner, one that avails you the opportunity to have first hand information on your love interest, with zero stress. Chiddie Anyasodo and her husband Ben, are making this possible through their matchmaking platform “Chotayah”.

Chiddie’s career path evolved from engineering into full entrepreneurship over the years. She has worked in different phases of the Upstream Oil and Gas industry – initially as an International Mobile Field Engineer with Schlumberger, working in different countries. She also worked as Business Development Manager, she then joined another company as the Global Vice President for Commercial, before moving on to build her own businesses. The Electrical / Electronic Engineering graduate has been described as an eclectic love for developing ideas.

She is the other half of Chotayah, a high-end executive Matchmaking service for professional Africans all over the world. Chiddie and Ben have helped many African singles discover and route out the obstacles preventing them from being in a healthy relationship. Through Chotayah , they are transforming how the most elite African entrepreneurs and high networth individuals on the planet connect with their dream partners.

The amazing mom of 2,, Relationship Coah, and Professional Matchmaker shares her inspiring journey with Esther Ijewere in this exclusive interview.

 Childhood Influence

 Well, thinking about this, I saw my mom find wives for my uncles and I found it fascinating. I also set up friends and family for fun. I grew up in Owerri, a beautiful city in Eastern Nigeria. I am the first child and only daughter of my parents. I have 3 younger brothers. I have always been very independent, ambitious and strong-willed since I was a child. I was also a voracious reader. I was called a tomboy. I grew up shielded by my parents. I studied Electrical Engineering in the University. However, what really prepared me for this was my early 20’s when I started dating, I had so many bad experiences and I had no one really to guide me. Such topics were a taboo in my house. My mom was very prim and proper and you do not discuss boys and love. If a man admires you, he is expected to come and meet my parents and ask for my hand in my marriage. The times I tried to tell her I was in a relationship, she got very upset, told me it was disgraceful and sinful. It was also ironic that the same mom who didn’t think I should be in the same room with a man was also going to church and prayer houses, sowing seeds and praying for me to get married. lol

Inspiration behind Chotayah

Both hubby and I had challenges in finding the right person. There were so many myths about love and relationships which we practised then separately but were all wrong.  On my side, my dating experience was quite sad and filled with heartbreaks after heartbreaks.  My genotype was an issue. And for some people the fact that my mom died of cancer scared them away.

I got rejected many times with excuses like – you earn too much – a woman shouldn’t earn more than a man. You are too boyish, too ambitious. Your job exposes you and makes you travel too much and you won’t make a good wife. A successful woman will never respect a man. At one point, I was told by some pastors and relatives that I had a spiritual problem. You can imagine. After praying so much and the cycle kept repeating, I decided to try alternative methods. First, I tried to use some Western dating sites like E-harmony and Match.com but they always rejected my application as I was Nigerian. I also tried to hire a matchmaker in the USA then, but she didn’t work with people outside the USA. So, I decided to go on my own. That experience made me start reading and exploring what makes relationships work. I also got a relationship coach, started studying serial men and women who always seemed to have lots of attention from their love interest. I took everything I learnt and crafted my own strategy to find my man. It took me about 8/9 months to find my man and no more heart breaks. My friends who knew about all my negative experiences started using the same formula and it worked for them. And everyday, I see so many people like me going through the same challenges that I went through. Successful high-flying people who have succeeded everywhere but seem they are not able to succeed in the love department. I then decided to go study Matchmaking in the UK and Relationship Coaching in New York. My husband is a Behavioral Change Expert & Therapist. We decided to join our passion and expertise to give birth to Chotayah.

Leaving engineering for Entrepreneurship

I think it’s genetic LOL. My grandfather was a successful businessman – he sold palm oil to the Portuguese and imported – canons, tea sets, and textiles. My grandma was a textile wholesaler in Onitsha. She also came from a family of businessmen and women.  My Dad is a doctor who owns his own hospital. I grew up seeing all these and hearing their stories, I guess that influenced me. I started my first business in SS1 (at 14yr) selling earrings to my classmates in the boarding house. I just did it for fun to see my money multiply.

How the matchmaking process on Chotayah works

We use a scientific process; psychology and tech, we always put into consideration their traditional African culture which is unique to everyone that comes to us as you know African culture is rich and diverse. Finally we use our intuition. When a client contacts us that he is seeking a spouse. We then have a 1- 2 hours session to know his relationship history and background to understand him properly and come up with the best Strategy that will give him results. It’s also in this session that we can figure out if he is a good fit for us, we are not able to help everyone unfortunately. We do a bit of background checks and if everything comes out fine, we then take him on as a client. Our matchmaking always goes with Relationship Coaching and Behavioural Therapy. We first work on him/her as a person to find out what is stopping this person from finding love – is it just that he is too busy, not positioned properly or is it something from the inside? We remove those blockers  and help him develop a unique  personal plan for him/her… And we go searching . As we search, we do a lot of  data analysis using proven scientist methods combined with emotional intelligence to see if they are a match. We then go through every match with our client till we both agree on The ONE. We coach them, guide and provide emotional support while dating and sometimes till they get married.  Some still come back after marriage and we keep helping them navigate early married life.

 

What kind of person will hire a Matchmaker

Matchmaking is not for everyone. The most common being they are very busy: they are highly selective and have certain criteria they are not able to find ordinarily around them; they love their privacy – many of clients do not even have a social media account. Some are highly placed people in the society or very busy highflying professionals who want to protect their confidentiality. They come to us because they need an expert to handle their dating life. They are the sort of people who will hire a personal trainer, personal stylist and personal chef. They always want bespoke and personalised services with someone they can trust to deliver excellence while being extremely discrete. Some have tried so many times to find love, gotten disappointed several times and then decided to use us. We love the diversity of our clients. We have people from 28 to 70+ years old. While we cater to a mainly african niche, we also get requests from people of other races who want to marry africans. When it comes to the kind of thing they do, we get approached by them – The Top CEOs, Royalty, Politician, Sport Stars, Celebrities,highly Celebrated and sought after Professions – We have people in Research, Oil & Gas, Tech CEOs, Specialist Medical doctors. These people are usually the best of the best in their fields but seem to have a challenge finding love. One thing they all say is that they are busy .. Most ambitious professionals don’t have the time or resources to commit to finding the kind of person that they want but the Chotayah team  does . This I understand as I have been their shoes

Challenges of being a Matchmaker

Trying to find if a person is being honest and truthful about whom they claim to be. And depending on the client, this costs a lot of money as we work  the best hands in background checks and they don’t come cheap. In the beginning, We have met all types of people and you know human management isn’t so smooth LOL… The journey taking people from the life they are used to a new transformed life that will enhance them for success was challenging in the beginning as humans will usually reject change, but with time, I devised means to make the transformation process easier for them.

What I enjoy most about my job

My greatest joy has been helping people who felt their case was hopeless find happiness. I love seeing people transform and become better versions of themselves.

 3 women who inspire me and why

 My mum, she was a very peaceful person who loved helping people and seeing them succeed. Her influence made me develop the kind of mindset I have towards helping others. Oprah Winfrey – She is iconic . I admire her doggedness in accomplishing her dreams and also helping others do the same. I love Indra Nooyi, former CEO of Pepsico – She is showing how a woman can be powerful, successful and balance family life.

On If people understand the meaning of true love

I think many people confuse Infatuation for Love.. Infatuation usually happens earlier on in the relationship is driven by strong emotions. That period when you have all those hormones running through your head and colouring everything you see about the other person. You have those intense feelings, the butterflies, you only want to be with them 247 neglecting every other thing in your life, and they can do no wrong.The good thing is that infatuation doesn’t last and if you are patient, the hormones will stabilize, and you can then see if you truly love this person and they love you back – which is True Love. Emotions are not enough to keep a relationship for the long term. On the other hand, True Love is more stable, more like deep friendship -where you have seen each other’s negative and positive sides and truly decide to stay together in mutual respect and deep admiration of each other. True love always has good intentions, is trusting, honest, accessible, responsive, loyal, consistent, and always growing. And you can always feel some of the passionate feelings characteristic of infatuation in a true love relation but its healthier and infatuation will always wear off. Expert psychologists say it can take 2-3 years to wear off.

My work-life balance routine and support system

My husband is my support system. He is highly organized and helps me organize my projects. Most times when I am down, he takes up the wheel 100%. When it comes to everyday work, I also delegate a lot.

If I could change one thing in the matchmaking and dating world

 I will change the process and mindset. I feel its shouldn’t be first about connecting people but about them finding real, healthy, lasting love. Focus should be more on people having the right mindset for love, understanding how to have a happy and fulfilling relationship. If all businesses put this first, then they will change their business models.

To the woman who has given up on love

 I will ask her why. Is she giving up because she has a new vision and direction for her life and she genuinely thinks that a loving relationship isn’t what she wants? If yes, that’s fine and I wish her Goodluck Or is she giving up because of endless disappointments? If yes, then she has to examine herself to know why the kind of love she wants isn’t coming. And NO, it’s not because all men are bad or that all the good men are taken. They are there. And she can definitely find and attract them, if she can change her mindset and strategy. 

Matchmaking nuggets, and red flags

Matchmaking: Always be clear on what you want in a relationship. Make sure you are willing to give your best to the person you are seeking to love. Be open-minded and positive. Red flags: Always listen to your intuition, if it says something isn’t right, investigate it.

Being a woman of Rubies

 I am a very compassionate person who loves people and loves to see them succeed. I believe in using my talent, knowledge, and time to empower people around me so that they can improve their lives.

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My Daughter’s Food Poisoning Experience Led Me To Start My Business- Elizabeth Oladepo

Farming and agriculture are the backbone of our society. Without farmers, we wouldn’t have access to food and other basic necessities. Take a moment to really appreciate this profession and all the hard work and dedication the farm life requires. Thanks to farmers, we can eat a wide range of food all year round. There is no doubt that Agriculture is our wisest pursuit, because it will in the end contribute most to real wealth, good morals, and happiness.

Elizabeth Oladepo is passionate about improving the lives of individuals in Nigeria through healthy and safe food production. She founded 07 Foods to contribute to the achievement of the SDG 2 and 12 goals. With the establishment of 07 Foods, she partners with smallholder farmers to eliminate food poisoning caused by adulteration and cross- contamination of food products as well as reduce environmental degradation due to the burning of crop residue by converting them into livestock feeds.

She is Nigeria’s 25 Under 25 Award Prize Winner for Agriculture 2020 and a recipient of the Eloy Recognition Award for Enterprise. Graduating with a First Class in Business Administration and Management, Elizabeth seeks to learn, unlearn and relearn great business values and skills by connecting with individuals and organizations to achieve communal growth.

Elizabeth loves to read, travel, and create food recipes. She shares her inspiring journey in this interview with Esther Ijewere

Growing Up

My childhood was a mix of roller-coaster emotions. I lost my parents while I was in Pry.5 and lost access to everything, including building a strong relationship with my only sibling as we got separated. Luckily for me, my father had insurance to cover my education as I was in boarding school. It helped me grow my self-confidence, discipline, and independence. So yes, I think I see the traits of discipline in my business.

Pitching my tent in the agricultural sector

My daughter’s food poisoning experience led me to start my business. She consumed bad flour and was at the hospital for a few weeks at just 8 months old. So, I started making my own flour, selling to family and friends, and finally launching It into a full-fledged business.

Inspiration behind 07 foods

The unending cases of food poisoning caused by adulteration and contamination of food. Also, the ability to be able to contribute to economic growth.

The journey so far

The journey has been a lot inspiring, challenging, filled with laughter and tears, and of course many opportunities have helped me scale. I can’t believe we will be 3 years in business by February.

Products at 07 foods

Our product line includes yam flour, unripe plantain flour, Kokoro (corn sticks) and we are launching more products this year 2022.

Challenges 

One of the major problems we face in this business is instability in the market. A lot of time we must absorb certain costs so as not to keep increasing the prices of our products but every single time there is always a new price of raw produce or packaging material or even the logistics. The rate of inflation is causing so much harm. Other challenges include logistics, climate change, and hiring youths.

Other projects and activities

Personally, I help other women succeed in business through training on business structure and grant winning pitches through my Tams Cademy. I also partner with ZEEP Initiative to bring encouragement and support to women businesses in the hospitality industry.

What I enjoy most about my job

I enjoy the production and client relations part of my work. For my production, I am able to work with smallholder farmers in Oyo state by off taking their produce, it is always fun to be in the midst of the elderly ones where I get to learn so much more about life. On the other hand, we have amazing customers whose feedback help us in ensuring the best outputs. Both the back and front end are always amazing .

3 women who inspire me and why

Mrs. Edobong Akpabio -Founder of Visionage Agrotech Farms Ltd – Mrs. Edobong is an all-round

excellent person in my industry who is not just my mentor but also an amazing mother. She is selfless helpful, and goes the extra mile for entrepreneurs in the Agro sector.

Fade Ogunro Founder and CEO of Bookings Africa – Fade’s grit and resilience is outstanding. Her journey from being a radio host to becoming the founder of Bookings Africa, channeling through challenges and coming out better is one of the amazing reasons why this woman inspires me. She dares to be different.

Mrs. Ibukun Awosika – She inspires me through her work and support for girls and women. Her works make me believe that my goals are achievable. She truly is a gem

Government and it’s support for agricultural sector

I believe it is a continuous process. Over the last few years, programs dedicated to support the Agro sector have been put in place by the government which I believe can be more inclusive. By this, I mean

more processing plants for MSME food processors which will curb to a large extent food importation in the country. The issue of security should also be top-of-mind for the government as our farmers are faced with so many occurrences of crop burning which is one of the reasons for the price hikes.

The pandemic, and how it affected my business

My business was well positioned to counter 80% of the effect of the pandemic as we were already online, customer data was not a problem, we ensured to get more inventory of not just our products but other food commodities our customers need, we also ensured to map out our delivery processes. In short, all we did was structure how we could function better and of course; we had the government permit for essential commodities.

The Agricultural sector and thing I’d like to change

Access to reasonable financial plans for MSMES. Honestly, if we are to deal with food importation and depend on local production, there is a need for finance to get to the right hands. To purchase machines, fertilizers, raw materials, logistics, and so much more, we need finance. It will be of no use if we ban importation and local production is not sufficient for the economy. So yes, access to finance

Being a Woman of Rubies

I am phenomenal, I recognize the power and opportunities I have and I am ready and willing to share with other women. This makes me a Woman of Rubies.

—

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Rubies Ink Initiative Feed The Aged For Christmas

Rubies Ink Initiative for Women and Children and Women of Rubies, put smiles on the faces of 100 seniors and vulnerable in Alimosho LGA and Makoko community with it’s Christmas Food Drive initiative. The project which was funded through the support of the public was a huge success.

The team went into the two communities to give food packages to the elderly in a bid to make them happy and feel loved.

Rubies Ink has been into advocacy, empowerment, and development projects since 2008, and runs multiple projects, empowerment workshops, trainings, campaigns, media advocacy, and women’s outreach programs centered around domestic violence, gender equality and women’s health.

They also organize the annual Walk against Rape campaign , celebrated over 1000 exceptional women through their womenofrubies.com platform, and raise funds online  for women and children in urgent need of medical and other support.

Speaking about the Christmas food drive for the aged, the founder of Rubies Ink, Esther Ijewere said;

“Old age is a blessing, we need to continuously make our seniors feel loved and appreciated. The pandemic has taught us to live in the moment and be intentionally kind, that’s one of the reasons we supported our seniors this festive season, In our bid to spread love and light. We appreciate our donors for their unwavering and continuous support over the years.”

The Project Coordinator, Michelle Inegbese said;

“This is what we love to do, supporting those in need, and putting smiles on faces. Our seniors deserve that and much more. We hope to do this more often”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can see more of Rubies Ink work on rubiesink.org and womenofrubies.com, and follow their social media handles; Facebook- Rubies Ink Initiative for Women and Children, Women of Rubies, Walkagainstrape. Instagram; @rubiesink, @womenofrubiesng, @walkagainstrape.Twitter; @rubiesinkng @womenofrubies and @walkagainstrape.

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Esther Ijewere: Repressed Emotions-Finding And Releasing Them (Personal Experience)

Repressed emotions refer to emotions that you unconsciously avoid. These differ from suppressed emotions, which are feelings you purposely avoid because you don’t know exactly how to deal with them.

When you realize that you are repressing your emotions, you have to take drastic measures to stop it for your emotional and physical health.

I have struggled with this for many years,  and it  got intense when life happened.

I look back at some of the challenges I dealt with silently this year, and wonder how I survived.

I was in between repressing and suppressing my emotions just to stay grounded.

I battled with arm injury for many months, was on strong medications, yet I put on a brave front.

At some point, I couldn’t sleep for  months as my pain kept me awake. I’d binge series on Netflix or  pace my apartment, just to get my mind off the pain. Sometimes I practice “Mindfulness” through meditation.

I was struggling with balancing my duty as a parent, working,  home schooling my daughters, and staying on top of things. I’d speak with folks and act “normal” even while I was breaking apart, drained and numb.

I have lived the past 11 months with repressed and suppressed emotions. Perhaps all of my almost 4 decades on mother earth.

I was encouraging people to stay positive, and telling them to keep faith, and keep pushing, yet I as dealing with my own physical pain that almost made me relapsed into depression, maybe I did and wish not to call it that.

I couldn’t lift the affected arm to say “Halleluyah” . Just giving a visual representation of how bad it was lol.

I was sleeping on one side for  months, couldn’t sleep on my back either, as my shoulder blade and back were badly affected.

Esther Ijewere – At the beach In June 2021 for “mindfullness” while battling with arm Injury

While dealing with my physical pain, I had other matters that threw me off balance; from breech of privacy,  Gmail account hacked, laptop bugged,  trespassing, and  attempted theft. Just to mention few…

I almost lost my mind, but for God, my commitment to his word and prayer, plus Therapy.

Through my pain I found a stronger purpose in Christ. I started praying better and objectively without season.

I even turned my prayer to conversations, like God was sitting right in front of me.

I can’t also downplay the role Physio-Therapy played in my healing journey.  Grateful to my Physio-Therapist (s). Two amazing humans who focused on my healing, and made sure I didn’t downplay the level of pain I was In. I guess they saw through my “Repressed emotions” approach. *Laughs*.

However, I had to also address my repressed emotions through therapy, on the count of separating spirituality from reality. I committed more time to Therapy.

I became  intentional with Therapy,  digging deep into my repressed emotions, and sharing some of my painful experiences with my Therapist (s).

What emotions are you repressing or afraid to confront?

How do those emotions affect your life ?

What measures are you taking to address those emotions?

What kind of emotions are you trying to repress? Anger, frustration, sadness, fear or disappointment?

Perhaps you grew up hearing things like:

  • “You don’t have any reason to be sad.”
  • “Calm down.”
  • “You should be grateful.”

Childhood trauma is one of the major causes of repressed emotions, and could lead to chronic illness if not addressed.

It’s not always easy to recognize when you’re dealing with emotional repression, and there’s no definitive test you can take.

If you do have repressed emotions, however, you might notice a few key signs. These signs might show up in your feelings or your behavior — both toward yourself and other people.

People with repressed emotions often have trouble naming and understanding their emotional experience; I do. This can make it tough to describe how you feel to others, but it also makes it difficult for you to recognize when certain aspects of your life aren’t serving your needs.

You might:

  • regularly feel numb or blank
  • feel nervous, low, or stressed a lot of the time, even if you aren’t sure why
  • have a tendency to forget things
  • experience unease or discomfort when other people tell you about their feelings
  • feel cheerful and calm most of the time because you never let your thoughts linger on anything significant or upsetting
  • feel distressed or irritated when someone asks you about your feelings

Emotional repression can affect your ability to:

  • talk about things that matter to you
  • build intimate relationships
  • understand how other people feel
  • encourage of praise yourself

You might also notice that you:

  • go along with situations instead of expressing what you really want and need – I’m guilty of this one.
  • use  TV, social media, or other activities to help you numb and avoid feelings you don’t want to explore
  • spend most of your time with other people to avoid being alone
  • exhibit passive-aggressive behaviors to deal with situations that upset you

If you have trouble expressing or regulating your emotions, talking to a mental health professional is a good first step. A therapist can help you explore potential causes of repressed emotions and offer guidance and support as you begin to address these reasons.

Therapy also provides a safe space to:

  • work on naming and understanding your feelings
  • increase your comfort level around talking about emotions
  • learn more helpful methods of emotional regulation

What worked for me?

  • Using “I” statements. Expressing my feelings with phrases like; “I feel confused. I feel nervous. I feel terrified.”
  • Focus on the positive. I do this through therapy and positive affirmations, using the “I statements”. I often say things like; “I am healed”, “I am whole”, “I am resilient”, “I am a magnet for light and love”, “I am winning at life”, “I am highly favoured by the divine”, “I am at peace”, “I have will-power”, “I am fine”….You can choose what resonates with your situation or midframe.
  • Let go of judgement. No matter what emotion I am feeling , I am learning to avoid  judging  myself I   shouldn’t feel a certain way. Instead, I try finding a reason for the feeling: “I feel nervous because I just read something that triggered me”. “I am afraid because I don’t feel safe”. etc
  • Make it a habit.  I name  and share my emotions with the people I feel closest to, and encourage them to share their feelings, too. That way I create balance.

Above all, I take therapy seriously.

I am still on a journey of healing, and releasing baggages and things that no longer serve me.

I hope you find comfort in my article and confront your repressed emotions before the end of the year.

You can also read my article on Understanding the Impact of Trauma Here  

Sending love, light and peace to anyone on this journey of releasing repressed emotions.

You are not alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

At least since I became a single parent.

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Esther Ijewere: Understanding The Impact Of Trauma (Personal Experience)

I try to stay away from sensitive issues to avoid triggers, sadly I can’t sit this Sylvester Oromoni issue out.

The 12-year-old who was killed at Dowen College by his seniors for allegedly refusing to join a cult group

My motherhood hormones won’t let me turn the other cheek on this case.

His dad’s account of the situation as revealed in the interview with Punch is heart wrenching 💔

They tortured and de-humanized Sylvester Oromoni.

Nobody should be treated that way.

Poor boy, he would have wished someone teleported and saved him from those wicked humans.

I have not been myself since I watched that video, it re-opened old wounds, especially when I was falsely accused of theft in the University & tortured.

I know I have shared that story many times, but it’s a part of my life that killed & awakened another part of me.

The torture & humiliation – I can’t forget.

Torture could make you wish for de.a.th.

The chants of “Oju ole re” as me and my friends took the walk of shame to the shrine we were taken forcefully to prove our innocence….

The look of disgust from onlookers as we walked down to Ijebu Igbo road….

I repressed my emotions for years, and blamed myself instead for following my friends to Bisoye’s apartment in Oru, Awa -Ijebu, that year.

From the moment I confronted my repressed emotions, I became overly ⚠️ cautious when I visit people & my threshold of pain doubled up.

I thought I was some hero for many years because I’d rather keep silent than confront situations, even when I was unhappy. I”d woman up…

I didn’t go for therapy…nothing.

Just went about my life till the wound re-opened after another episode of violence & psychological abuse.

I’m shaking writing this…no worries I’m good.

When I have the courage to confront situations, I become empathetic almost immediately.

I had a safety concern at home the other day, and instead of calling the police immediately, I focused on my luck of getting out of the situation.

I felt pity for the human who could have hurt me.

It shouldn’t be so, but it was a denial and numbing stage I’ve gotten used to.

I went about my day, and woke up at 5.37am, processed what had happened the previous day, and realized I should have called the police immediately.

I should have gotten this human arrested, she could have hurt me badly if she had a sharp object.

Self-blame kicked in again.

Trauma & Torture can mess your whole system up, no matter how many therapy sessions you go for.

Let’s not even talk about the PTSD jab that puts you in fear and flight mode constantly.

You are easily startled and frightened.

The pain lives rent free in your head.

You may experience very strong feelings of anxiety, sadness every now and then.

You are healed, but the reality of being human or hearing other people’s story triggers you.

You don’t want to be grateful at the expense of another person’s pain too. Perhaps that’s what I feel towards Sylvester’s death.

I have experienced other forms of pain in life, even worse than the false theft accusation, but that experience is hard to forget.

Perhaps it’s the residue of the torture, and the reality that those boys could have killed us, and made it look like an accident.

The sight of armful objects they kept as last resort if we didn’t confess.

All for what? N22k gold chain.

They were cult boys too.

I wish I slapped the day light out of Bisoye when she begged after we were vindicated, but I just wanted to go to our hostel, and get away from the humiliation.

They said I should always wish her well, but Karma won’t. That’s on what goes around.

Perhaps I need to document this in a book for closure.

For those asking us to take it easy on the boys who killed Sylvester, I hope you never experience what that little boy suffered.

I pray your kids never find themselves in that kind of situation.

I pray your kids never experience bullying and torture.

I hope they are not hiding their experience from you, because you don’t pay attention to them.

I pray you never lose a child 🙏🏿

I pray you don’t raise bullies who would become menace to the society.

Don’t ever judge a pain you’ve not experienced.

There are many people living with different childhood traumas, experienced at school or their home.

Some of us have mastered masking our pain just to look the part society demands, even when we are standing with our broken parts.

Justice must be served! Not just for Sylvester alone, but to encourage silent victims of bullying in our schools to speak up and break the silence.

I said I was “good” at the beginning of this write up, I’m triggered actually, but I’d check in with my therapist.

Therapy….I’d address on another post.

I just had to get this off my chest 😩.

May Sylvester’s soul rest in peace 🙏🏿 🕊

#Justiceforsylvester #dowencollege

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‘I founded Tiny Beating Hearts Initiative To Save Premature Babies’- Petra Akinti Onyegbule

Petra Akinti Onyegbule wears many hats graciously, the hardworking sociologist and political communications strategist with experience which spans 15 years in the areas of advocacy and public relations campaigns in the public and private sectors is also a successful entrepreneur and advocate.

She was the Chief Press Secretary to the Kogi State Governor between 2016 and 2019, and Senior Special Assistant on Electronic Media prior to that.   Her foray into advocacy started in 2006 on the Advocacy efforts of the Catholic Church on Oil and Gas Resource Utilisation in Nigeria.

She is currently the founder of Tiny Beating Hearts Initiative where she rallies support to save premature babies using her resources and mobilizing skills to create awareness on prematurity in Nigeria.

Petra is also the director of Libraprime Communications – a public relations agency that has pitched and executed strategic briefs, leveraging strong media contacts and reach in the industry ecosystem, for delivering high-value to client projects. The multi-tasking entrepreneur is the brain behind fast rising clothing line; Anike Robert Clothing (ARC) a brand that provides integrated marketing for experiential and point of sales channels.

She shares her inspiring story, her passion to save preterm babies, and how her clothing line is gaining momentum in this exclusive interview with Esther Ijewere.

Growing Up

I never really thought about my childhood in relation to the work I have done since my adulthood. But I would say that I grew up in a liberal environment; where even though, it was not the norm to question myths, to question how things were done, to question culture, I was too inquisitive to obey the rules. I have such an inquisitive mind that it was just natural for me to question. So I kept questioning and I kept doing what I now see to be some sort of informal and loose advocacy because I wondered why things were done in a certain way and why they couldn’t be done in a certain way. So it was informal but you know, yes, I did that. I was encouraged by what I saw my mom and siblings did to always speak and stand up up for those who couldn’t do so for themselves. So I would say that yes, in some way, my growing up helped. But more importantly, I grew up having some sort of self-independence. I could do a lot of things for myself at a very early age. So it helped shape my perspective on life and the fact that If I want or need something done, I have to work for it. Yes, it did.

Tiny Beating Hearts Initiative

The inspiration for Tiny Beating Hearts Initiative came from experiencing prematurity from my own daughter who was born at 25 weeks. She was in the neonatal intensive care unit of the national hospital, Abuja for 80 days. She was so helpless it broke my heart. She couldn’t even breath on her own for so long and she had to be on assisted respiration. By the time she was discharged, and we went home, the experience was a different level from what I had in the hospital. Going home meant I was the nurse, I was the primary carer and that I was basically responsible for her. A lot of responsibilities that the doctors, the nurses and the other health workers took on in charge of her in the hospital were transferred basically to me. And in the hospital I saw how tough it was for some families. Oh they  had it tough and rough. Showed me that there is a socio-economic nexus to survival of premature babies and small babies. So I set up Tiny Beating Hearts Iniative to advocate for the rights of every child to live  regardless of the socio-economic background into which they are born and to also help provide material and psychological support for parents with premature babies, the kind I didn’t have twelve years ago when I had my own baby.

The journey so far

The journey has been tough, chiefly because it takes its psychological toll on me and on some of the team members I have worked with over time. I have never had to make it an organisation where I paid people to work with me to ensure that the vision is kept alive. I have always relied on volunteers. It’s been tough, because it’s the same people over and over again, who have been supporting us. Of course, there are situations where in certain places, it is so difficult for us to get access to facilities with incubators. Facilities that are actually well equipped to take on these babies and we have to teach Kangaroo Mothercare, excellent hygiene and nutrition so that bigger premature babies can have their shot at life and are saved. So it’s been tough but what keeps us  going is the fact that you know, you see babies whose parents appear helpless, are actually helpless at the time when they need our intervention and you get testimonies from their parents 5 years later, 6 years later, 10years later and they are saying thank you and they are giving you progress reports. It makes all the stress, makes all the efforts, makes all the heartache worth it. Of course, we had situations where that no matter what we did the baby didn’t survive, that’s really heartbreaking. But over all, it’s been a fulfilling experience because the whole essence is to ensure that no child is left to die regardless, so long as the heart is beating however tiny, it deserves to live. That’s the philosophy. And so we go out of our way, we bend over, backwards we go above and beyond to make sure that happens. Our supporters and partners, they’ve been very steadfast, as a matter of fact, their belief in the project is what has kept us going for long. We are grateful to them and we are thankful for all the lives we have been able to save.

Libra Prime Communications

Libra Prime Communications is a perception management firm which deals largely with regulatory compliance audits. What we do is we undertake perception management on behalf of firms and sometimes, individuals. It is a PR firm but PR in such a way that when firms have issues with their regulators, we step in for  independent audit on whether the firms have complied with recommendations by regulators.

Politics and Advocacy

I didn’t switch from politics to advocacy. Advocacy is what I have always done; my first job post NYSC was as an advocacy officer on a Catholic Church’s project. I have also done advocacy as an independent consultant for a long time. I worked at CBAN – Credit Bureau Association of Nigeria as the first Executive Secretary and Advocacy officer. So advocacy is what I have always done, that’s my major forte. Politics is ubiquitous and I am very interested in the political processes because they determine governance to a significant extent. drawn to politics because there is nothing we do in life that  politics has no bearing on, so I decided to be involved in the political process. I have not switched, I basically just do both hand- in- hand. Because when you talk about advocacy, you are advocating for something to be done, for a policy to be implemented or promulgated. How do you do that without getting involved in the political process? I mean the very basic definition of politics is who gets what, when and how, the how could be through advocacy so I think they both go hand-in-hand. But I have not even left politics. I didn’t switch, I am still a politician. Because I believe that we need to get involved. We need to get involved as much as possible in the political process. Otherwise we lose all the rights to complain about how certain things are done or not done. So it is not a switch. It is just that at the moment, I am giving more prominence to the job which pays me. Because politics is not my job as it were. Unless at a time when I was appointed in a political role. I was given a political appointment in my state, I did a job. But day-to-day politics doesn’t feed me. And I think that every politician needs a job to go back to everyday. That you know, puts food on the table, that adds to the economy which is what I do with LibraPrime Communications and Àníké Robert Clothing.

Work-Life Balance

I am not going to lie that it’s been easy being a Mommy whilst businesswoman and an advocate. It’s not easy. It is not easy at all. But one thing that has helped me is having a supporting husband, one who sometimes steps up when I have to slack on my duties as a wife and mom. Because something always gives; when there is credit somewhere then an account has been debited. So when there is a credit on my advocacy part, it is probably because my business woman role is suffering or my role as a wife is taking a hit or my role as a mom is taking you know, some hit. So at the end of the day, my balance is in getting people to help, getting people to step in when I am unable to be there. So we just continue to balance it up that way. It is not easy, I am not going to lie. It is not easy. Having a husband who supports, family members,  having a good structure in the office, at work,  having a good business partner, a good social support system,  they all help. And these are how I balance my roles as a wife, an entrepreneur,  a consultant and an advocate on multiple issues.

Motivation behind Anike Robert Clothing Line

I love casual wears. There is a saying about wearing one’s heart on one’s sleeves. I love to wear my feelings on my body. So sometimes I brand   the way I feel and I wear that feeling as a tshirt, tracksuit, hoodie, sweatshirt. I  realised along the line that i couldn’t be the only one whose dressing affected their   moods. I am a mental health advocate, and I strongly believe that the environment,  that the way we dress, our outlook, and people’s perception of us affect our mental health. What better way to control people’s perception of you at first glance than appearance? So you have a philosophy, an outlook, what we sum up as attitude?  You should give that attitude a 100%, brand it, wear it. So that is what the Àníké Robert Clothing is about.

There is an economic side to it,not course. I needed something for daily income, you know, like a side hustle. But somehow, it’s such that, it’s surpassed my expectations such that it is now as important as  LibraPrime Communications as the main game.

And my journey in the last one year has been phenomenal; a testament to my philosophy that everything in life has got its pros and cons. Because you see I owe part of the initial success of  Àníké Robert Clothing partly to the pandemic. Because more and more, the way people work and live generally has changed; with companies telling people to work from home,  people not necessarily having to meet at a particular location for a meeting and so more and more, people had to and having to a little less formally. People are beginning to go casual. People are beginning to wear their attitude. So these are some external factors that have  contributed to the pace with which we are growing. Others are the fact that we sell more than the quality of our clothes, which is great if I say so myself; we sell pleasant business experience which keeps over 80% of our clientele as repeat customers.

In the next five years, I see this brand having its own factory and scaling up in the manufacturing of shirts, hoodies and tracksuits. I  see us going into other areas of merchandising and clothing and hopefully, that will happen in the coming five years. That’s the dream.

There have been a lot of challenges of course, but the rewards, both monetary, growth and  lessons  learnt have been awesome.

Challenges 

Number 1 challenge I faced at the beginning and for months  was staffing . Getting my staff to  understand the concept and embody the spirit of excellence, now that was a challenge.  But we have surmounted the hardest part of this and continue to strive to be better. At ARC, now they know that there is nothing like “na small remain. Díẹ̀ lo ku. It is nearly perfect”. If a customer has paid for something, then we’ve got to deliver that. We have all adjusted to this philosophy and making excellence a culture.

The other challenge would be electricity. The erratic supply and rates. Tariff has changed twice in one year. Yet, I don’t get optimal value. Then inflation. My goodness! Production cost keeps fluctuating and highly unpredictable. That’s quite unnerving. Because it makes planning more difficult.

Everyday, there is a price increase in this and that. And this makes the market unpredictable. This unpredictability of it affects me a lot, it leaves me in a fix. Sometimes, we say “oh, the difference is just ₦20 per piece or yard for this particular material but then  I calculate how many of that item I am getting and there are times I  want to throw my hands up in the  air.

3 Women who Inspire me and why

The first person who inspires me to be a better human is my mom. She is incredibly kind, compassionate and humane. That inspires me a great deal. I learnt about dignity in labour and contentment from her. And regardless of everything life has thrown her way, her spirit has remained strong. Even her name inspires me because it becomes some prayer for me every day – Oluwamajente – God, please do not let me be disgraced. Let me not fall from this pedestal. So her life, her person, her name inspires me.

The second person is Prof Dora Akunyili for being a woman of strong conviction and sticking no matter what.

Since you’re limiting to three, the third will be Indira  Nooyi, the former president of Pepsi Co.

Women’s participation in Politics

My views on women participation in politics is that it is not enough. We need to do more. We really  need to do more. And that we need to have an agenda. We need to go all the way, we need to be with partners who understand what it takes for a woman to be involved in politics and would support us to make the sacrifices that a woman needs to make in politics. Now, I think that women also need to, we are doing it, we are doing it; more and more, women need to develop thicker skin because there is a lot of slut-shaming of women in politics. However, it is not going to stop, it is not stopping anytime soon. So whilst we continue to make that advocacy so to say let us deal with women on the merits of their credentials, on the merits of their capacities, and on the merits of the value that they can bring into the political space and processes, we also need to continue to forge ahead and ensure that if there’s a meeting lasting into the dead of the night, we are participating all the way and not giving excuses. We should not expect anything to be handed over to us on platter. And we should understand that we need to be tenacious. Of course, there are challenges of money politics, prebendal godfatherism, etc but if we are focused and purposeful and ambitious, something will keep giving until we have a whole new structure and system and landscape. Do I see myself contesting for any position in the future? I say never say never but I do not see myself contesting.

Advice to young women trying to navigate through life

My advice to young women who are trying to navigate through life and find their purpose is this: YOU ARE ENOUGH. Live your life, make your mistakes but always learn from them; when you fall, you rise. Never stay down. Never ever, allow anybody define you by what you’re not. Never allow anyone define you by your limitations. We all have strengths and weaknesses; we can continue to work on our strengths and we develop our weaknesses to ensure that our weaknesses do not define us. In the age of social media, a lot of people are under pressure to fake it till they make it. How about work the course till you become a force? Behind every story, there is a history. Therefore, look for the history and learn the lesson therein.

If you’re reading this and wondering how you can save a preemie, please reach me.

I am also an advocate of mental health, I champion destigmatisation of mental illnesses and encourage those who suffer any illness on the spectrum to seek help.

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