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Folasayo Adefemi is the  founder of feminitease.com, a multivendor online marketplace for women products and services (SHEmarketplace). Fola as she is fondly called is  very passionate about women and I believe she is called to see women progress and do well in life.

She derives joy from bringing women together and see them achieve their life goals.

Being a single mum of 2, her  passion led to the birth of The sMothers Tribe, a support community for single mums. It is this same passion that has fueled this , “feminitease”,  dream with the primary aim of promoting women business and making online shopping a seamless experience for women.

She shares her inspiring story, the inspiration behind Feminitease.com with Esther Ijewere

Childhood Influence

My childhood played a major role in the woman I am today. I was raised by a single mum and so when my marriage failed and I became a single mum myself, I knew I had to stand out. I had to own up to the status without shame or a call for pity. I consider being a single mum my super power and this is where I find strength to not conform to any societal mentality of who or what single mothers represent.

Inspiration behind Feminitease

I have a desire to see women succeed, to have an easier life than what is readily available in our immediate society. Feminitease represents trading and shopping with ease for women. Women like to own their own corner, we like platforms that brings us together. Research shows that women with a group of other strong women are more likely to succeed. This is the core of the Feminitease vision, to see women succeed in their life and business.

The Journey so far

So far, we are getting a lot of positive feedback and acceptance. We are positive that Feminitease is a need in our time.

 Feminitease helping  user and buyer experience

The platform is available to all, it is free to users, though there are packages for vendors who would like us to promote their products specially for exposure and sales. There are several categories on site and we are creating more categories as the need arise. Buyers will be exposed to variety, they will be spoilt for choice under one platform rather going from one ecommerce site to another. Feminitease is making sure to bring vendors that will cover a woman’s every need. Another good thing is that business relationships will be formed as buyers and seller meet.
We have also created a vendors forum to maintain interactions with our vendors. https://www.facebook.com/groups/2764641203747619/?ref=share

My platform for Single Moms
The sMothers tribe, this platform is the magic place for single mums. I started it 3 years ago and I can proudly say that I and many other single mums are better today because of the tribe.
The sMothers tribe was born out of a need for support and fellowship among single mums. There’s nothing as soothing as knowing that your struggles are not peculiar to you, and learning to overcome through the experiences of people who have been through similar struggles and won. We are a close knit community, we grew from strangers to friends until we became sisters. (Sister’s sister 🌻)

Society’s reception to single moms
Not enough but way better than it used to be years ago. At least I remember how difficult growing up as a child of a single mother was for me, the stigma both on mother and child. Society is coming around to accept that life and parenting is not a one way street, there are lots of diversions and intersections along they way. If life happens to you, you make the best out of the experience and ‘happen to life’ too. Motherhood is a blessing no matter the circumstances. Women are coming to terms with their powers are pushing back at society. Soon it would not matter anymore if you are a single mum or not, what would matter would be the impact and difference we made with our lives.

Challenges of being a Social Entrepreneur

They are quite some challenges but standing out among them is getting the right audience and resources required for visibility and growth.

Feminitease in 5 years

Our vision is that Feminitease will be a major tool for growth and development for women in Nigeria and beyond.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I will say I stand out in many ways. I consider myself a unique woman and there’s only one of me. My strength, my resilience, my shamelessness and my pride. My loving heart and my untamed mind.

How to advertise  feminsitease

Feminitease.com is a multivendor website for women products and services. Sign up and advertise your business for FREE to millions of customers.

Promote your business for FREE just by registering on www.feminitease.com

Confirm your registration in your email and start uploading your products. Shikenan!

Please make sure to use your WhatsApp Business Api (link). This is how potential customers will contact you. The platform is completely FREE till September 30th. We will start taking orders for promoted ads from October 1st. I will encourage you to maximize the opportunity.

There is no limit to number of products you can post. Details and descriptions are very key to making sales.

We will create new categories as the need arise, just let us know if your product categories are not listed.There’s a category for services as well.

Our promise is a PHENOMENAL EXPERIENCE!

We can never undermine the power and influence of life coaches in the society, they help us navigate through life, and put us in a state of mindfullness.  Nike Folagbade is a Family life coach of high repute, she has not only succeeded in her field as a Family life coach, but also determined to help singles find the right partner.

Nike Adedokun Folagbade helps men and women experience emotional healing and personal transformation thereby being able to build healthy relationships. She is a Personal Transformational and Family life coach. A vivid encourager, equipper and nurturer who leads the coaching/consultation services at NIKE FOLAGBADE INTERNATIONAL.

She is a Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and a Results Coach. She is also an associate of Family Systems Engineering and an Emotional intelligence/Anger management coach. A SYMBIS facilitator who helps engaged and married couples prepare or manage their marriage well.

Nike was listed among the 2019 100 most inspiring young people in Nigerian. In 2015, she was recognized as the best sexuality advocate and in 2014; she won the third relationship blog in Nigeria.

She is also the Lead Creative director of Hevar Solutions, a business support company for entrepreneurs, personal brands and professionals and the Human Resource Manager at WORITAL, a fast growing book branding and publishing firm.

In 2016 to 2018, she convened EVOLVE SUMMIT, a conference targeted at helping men and women experience healing from emotional trauma and sexual addictions and also discovering the path to purpose. In 2020, she began the HEAL, LIVE AND LOVE SUMMIT targeted at helping men and women experience true healing, their full identity, purpose and building healthy relationships.

She has authored several books, audio tracks and video courses, and featured on several media platforms.

Nike is  currently a relationship contributor on Bella Naija, Punch, Business Day News, Women of Rubies and She Leads Africa. Nike is married to a creative genius, Fola and they both nurture their charming son, KING.

You may also visit her website www.nikefolagbade.com to read more of her soul-healing articles. Her Facebook community also houses many articles and resources with almost 6,000 members.

She shares her inspiring story in this interview with Esther Ijewere

Growing up

I once heard a speaker say that our lives can be segmented into different phases, like 0-10 years representing a time of discovery and age 10-20 representing a time of practice. From the age of 7, I started having a strong interest in love related matters. I enjoyed reading romantic novels, magazines, movies and columns in the newspaper. Oprah Winfrey Show was also a great influence as I envisioned myself hosting a talk show like that someday.I began to write articles in my notebooks till I got busy with school life and daily realities. As at then, I never saw my interests as a big deal, I just felt I would go to school, get a job and build a successful career in Accounting.

While in the university, I felt a strong urge to help people via writing and speaking especially in the area of love and dating. Prior to then, I got bored of the school-church-home cycle. I wanted more out of life so I started to meditate alone. I started to seek and dig within me. I decided to try out new things but it didn’t work out until I saw an inspirational seminar in school which I had to pay for. They invited over 10 motivational speakers, business owners and celebrities to speak on discovering oneself. I was the only one who paid for it amongst my friends. I felt bored at first but at the end of the event, I realized that God had just used one of the speakers to spark up the desire in me to help people. It felt surreal. It felt like a rush of grace as I stepped out and began to truly help people. I started blogging, speaking in my church and discovering more of my skills. I was able to use WordPress, BBM, Facebook and Twitter to reach thousands of people in 2013.

One of the ways that my childhood helped to build compassion in me is that, at a young age, I didn’t know how to process corrections. I always took every misfortune, pain, sickness, failure and criticism as rejection from my parent, God and anyone around me, so I began to seek for love and validation externally. This spurred me into dating for the wrong reasons until I was able to truly discover myself. Now, when I’m helping people, I can see through the lens of their past and how it forms their decision now. It’s been 6 years since I started and I’m so happy to have helped thousands of people to discover themselves, heal from past hurts, choose better relationships, make better marital decisions and grow spiritually.

Inspiration behind  Nike Folagbade International

I started blogging in 2013 as a personal hobby but after helping thousands of people and getting certified in Emotional intelligence, Anger management, Family Systems Engineering, Master Neuro-Linguistics Programming, SYMBIS and other coaching skills, I decided to intentionally build a business and not just a hobby hence I registered Nike Folagbade International to anchor my personal brand. Now, we are focused on helping singles and married via coaching, therapy, counseling, mentorship, speaking, blogging, podcasting, authoring books and other medium.

My vision is to build an institution that will cater for families generally which will include working with singles, married couples and helping with intentional parenting. This also means that we will partner with other coaches and experts in different fields to achieve this. We also want to build an online and offline academy that can train people to prepare for a healthy relationship and marriage. Under the sustainable development goals created by the United Nations, we intend to build stronger institutions and promote well- being because if we can have whole and healthy individuals who are mentally, spiritually and emotionally stable, we can have better marriages and children.

The Journey so far

Wow! I have been schooled in the process. There are many challenges and achievements in the process.

Challenges in the areas of:

  1. Persuading young people to invest in their emotional and mental health beyond acquiring business skills because money isn’t all that is needed in a marriage. Many marriages are suffering because of the individual’s ability to make emotional choices that can positively help them live better. We rely so much on emotions but when frustration sets in, emotions fades and people begin to make rash decisions. We also have to clearly help singles know that beyond praying, they also need to learn the right skills like communication, love languages, self- control and build strong values too.
  2. I have had to experience refining processes as we grow as a business. I have had to also experience transformation in my life so I teach from a place of experience and research. I don’t just teach Googled content, I’m an embodiment of what I teach and that means I’ve had my testing moments also.
  3. Getting financial support hasn’t been easy because brands like to partner more with businesses that are focused on teaching business, finance and related industry. We need more support from the government, private institutions and churches to reach more young people. People are going into drugs, prostitution, extra-marital affairs, and fraudulent lifestyle because they don’t have a proper model from home, or have experienced father or mother wounds, need clarity on their Identity and need to also heal from the baggage they currently carry. We can reach more people if we have the funds and support needed. Collaboration is key.

There have been achievements in the area of being recognized by different platforms for awards and speaking engagements. I was recently recognized as one of the 100 most inspiring young Nigerians ranking 24th in 2019 by Avance Media. It puts smile on my face when I see people become transformed in their minds, health and relationships. Seeing my books in the hands of people also encourages me to write more. There is so much work to be done on the African continent too. There is also the financial reward from helping people too, winks.

Helping engaged and married couples manage their home, with my SYMBIS knowledge 

Save Your Marriage Before It Starts (SYMBIS) tool is a pre-marital coaching platform that trains coaches and counselors on how to work with engaged couples on how to adequately prepare for marriage in all ramifications. It also works for the married people who want to relearn what it takes to make their marriages work and be renewed.

The beauty of the platform is that, individuals can log into their personal dashboard to fill the assessment and will be guided by me when they are done. Each person discovers their beliefs in the areas of personality, money, marriage, sex, religion, house chores, health and other vital issues that show up in marriage. It makes my work easier because I simply guide them to fill their assessment which takes about 30 minutes at a go then I give a comprehensive explanation and coaching of how to handle each phases of their lives in marriage. It leads to mind blowing discovery about how they view marriage generally.

I also use Family Systems Engineering skills and assessments to help the married people too.

Launching the Love and Life Hub platform, and helping singles with it

Love and Life Hub is a love and dating platform that is focused on enlightening and connecting singles for the aim of a healthier self and relationship. We have deliberately organized all that it takes for you to discover yourself, learn about dating intelligently, connect with other singles via active interaction, position yourself for an ideal partner and find the right support and guidance needed while dating. It is a combination of courses, coaching, mentoring, connection, webinars, fun, book reviews, resources and support for an active dating life.

You don’t have to take random courses to upgrade yourself, you can easily learn on love and relationships based on where you are in life and your love cycle, which is why we have created an assessment to show you where you are. We want to simplify the dating process for singles by taking them through 5 stages focused on healing, purpose, attracting a partner, sustaining a relationship and gliding into marriage successfully. We will be using a website, virtual coaching hubs and other system in place for every 90 days for each batch plus we have support coaches who will help with mentoring. The platform launches from August 17th, 2020 and every single man or woman from any tribe or religion can join us at www.loveandlifehub.com

3 women who inspire you to be better and why?

There are many women who inspire me and the list will be inexhaustible but I will just stick to 3 like you have asked.

Debola Deji-Kurunmi inspires me because she shows me what is possible as a woman. She leads from a place of personal transformation that she has experienced and every encounter with her shifts my mind and execution rate. She is my kind of woman who is solid in spirituality, business, marriage and influence.

Dr. Anita Phillips because I love how she mixes mental health with Faith which gives a combination of Spirit-Body-Soul healing.

Joyce Meyer because she simplifies many areas that we struggle with in her books and other resources. We share similar vision too and I’m happy at how she has influenced my mind positively especially with the book; “Battlefield of the mind”.

Being a life coach, creative director, wife and mom, and managing it all

People preach balance and I think that it has led to more confusion for me as I tried to balance every areas of my life in the same degree; I have noticed that, in order to live a multidimensional life, there will be priorities and there are areas that can be delegated. Also, there are times that my focus is more on Spirituality and Family, other times; it can be work and health. At different stages in life, I try to put each area of my life in the right perspective but they can stay at different degree. I’m currently learning to manage every area of my life but I also like to focus on 3 things at a time. Each day, I set my priorities and chase after it. I don’t try to achieve everything in a day. I have also learnt to highlight my goals, structure, time it, set reminders and delegate. I also have a team I work with which makes it easier to manage each businesses including having a supportive husband who helps me thrive in all I do but balancing it is still a work in progress and I’m learning to chill.

For instance, I have coaching hours, I have Faith hours, I have work hours, I have Family hours, I have my rest day and many other structure I’m trying to build but it is not perfect yet. I’m a work in Progress. I’m learning to appreciate my growth and leave out the pressure. Our lives are different.

The pandemic has made a lot of Nigerian women vulnerable, What coping mechanism advice would you give to these women at a time  like this, especially those who are almost forced to go back to abusive relationships out of the need to sustain the family?

It can be very hard I must say. These things happen and I don’t blame anyone. We make healthier decisions as we permit ourselves the risk to grow and find help.

It boils down to Identity and Healing. Many people are currently in toxic relationships because they live a codependent life. They rely on others to feel happy, successful or approved. I love a popular saying that; “If you live for the approval of others, you will die by their rejection”. More women are rising up to discover themselves. Relationships do not define you, it should be built with another person from a healthy standpoint.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you may need support and strength to leave because many times, people know they are in a mess but they are so convinced that there is nothing good that can happen if they choose to start again. For some, they don’t even know where to start from. It is fear and fear can keep you stuck. If you are in an abusive marriage, please, take a temporary leave to cater for your well-being, seek for help and rebuild your life. If you choose to go back to your home, it should be because your spouse is willing to use therapy, spiritual help and every necessary action to stay back on track.

Many toxic relationships are built by broken people coming from broken families. People are a product of their upbringing, environment and experiences. If you don’t discover yourself now, you cannot live a better life.

I have discovered that our mindset is where the change starts, if you start to question the beliefs that drives your life, you will be compelled to find more in life. I started helping others because there was a burden in me to grow and serve too.

I will say to ladies that, you are worth more than you are. If you redirect your life now, you will be thankful in years to come. The woman you are now is not the woman you will be in 10 years’ time but the magnitude of your change is dependent on the level of exposure you have and the transformation you permit. Even if you start by reading a book, watching the right inspirational videos, changing your role models and friends, seeking for growth etc. I know that some coaches or motivational speakers may have hurt you but look for genuine people and subscribe to their programs. I can vouch for myself, my goal is your change and it is evident in my work. Start from where you are, most importantly; speak up.

 Nuggets about marriage with us, and why it is necessary to make it work.

First, people marry for the wrong reasons and they leave easily when it doesn’t work out as planned. People marry for sex, money, security amidst other reasons and can easily opt out when those needs are not met. Beyond your needs being met, there are few reasons why you should make your marriage work:

  1. Marriage is a trans-generational decision and you cannot just marry for yourself alone. Whatever decision you make should impact your children and their marriage. The change we desire in the society starts from the family unit but may people don’t understand this hence we hardly build a structure around our marriages. Most people are still suffering from the trauma and patterns of their own family. Be the one to change that cycle by seeking for help and applying the necessary wisdom in your home.
  2. If your marriage will work, it starts with your mindset and the decision to permit yourself to be responsible for it. Don’t always focus on your spouse, be the change you want to see and things will start working well when you have the right mindset, heart and actions in place.
  3. Be humble and teachable enough to take corrections. I think this is one area that I needed to work on too. Your spouse can see you better, they can be the tool of change in your life if you are humble enough to get through life with them.
  4. Engage healthy 3rd parties like professional counselors when needed. Don’t suffer in silence when you can engage a neutral help instead of friends and families.
  5. Learn the right skills and be willing to implement it. Be patient to see the change you desire. Be content with your spouse, people keep thinking they will find a better love out there if they keep flirting. It looks greener on the other side, focus on your home and make it work just like you would do for your business. Be willing to speak your partner’s love language, keep dating in marriage and evaluate your progress periodically.
  6. Be prayerful because marriage is warfare and you don’t always have to fight with words, learn to deal with some issues in prayer and let God rule your heart. I think that some marriages will work better if there is an application of wisdom and a healthy faith life.

 

Being  a Woman of Rubies

I believe that I’m one of the women making the society better through my thoughts and actions. I actively engage many men and women and challenge them to be better than they are currently. I help people live a healthy life emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

 

 

 

It took me a long time to get over the electoral loss of Hillary Clinton in 2016. When there are candidates or electoral races I am interested in, I can be an election junkie. In November 2008, I was so invested in Barack Obama’s election that I hosted an election night vigil with some friends at my house in Accra where I was still based at the time. When the election was declared for Barak, our screams could be heard in the whole neighbourhood. For Barack Obama’s reelection, I was invited by the US Embassy in Nigeria, to be part of an election night vigil on November 5th 2012 they organized in Lagos.  It was a long night of speeches, (I was asked to talk about the role of women in politics and elections) and election monitoring, interspersed with entertainment.

I wrote an essay called, ‘Thank You Hillary’ shortly after the November 2016 election and it is in my book Loud Whispers. I reflected on her loss as follows, ‘In my own opinion, Hillary Clinton lost the election due to several factors – the resurgence of white nationalists, the disaffection of blue collar voters, sexism, the backlash against the Washington political elite, the millennials who underperformed, the reduced African-American vote, the FBI back and forth over her emails, the endless WikiLeaks, and complacency on the part of Democrats/the Clinton Campaign, who felt that they had some States firmly locked up and so did not need to campaign there. Perhaps one of the most painful factors that led to Hillary’s loss, was that 53% of white women who voted, cast their lot with Donald Trump. So after all the years of advocating for women to lead,  of fighting for the empowerment of women, when they had the opportunity, white women in the US decided to use the power of their numbers to send a man with a controversial record with women to the White House. That hurts’.  In subsequent years, information emerged about possible sabotage of the elections by the Russians. With or without their interference, the factors above were more than enough to cost Hillary the election. In the months that followed Hillary’s loss, the Democratic Party almost imploded. Then sometime in early 2017, I read an article about one woman who might be able to pull off a Democratic nomination and unify the party in 2020. It was Senator Kamala Harris. I was very excited when she joined the Presidential race in 2019, but she pulled out due to a lack of funding and traction. I thought to myself, her time will come.

Fast forward. On August 11th 2020, Senator Joe Biden, the presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee announced his choice of a running mate. As of February 2020, Senator Bernie Saunders, representing the left of the Democratic Party with a message of revolution that resonates with the younger members and more leftist Democrats, who were mostly opposed to Hillary in 2016 and did not show up for her the way they would have had the nominee been Bernie, was coasting towards clinching the Democratic nomination. Other Democratic contenders such as Elizabeth Warren, Pete Buttigieg, Tulsi Gabbard and the billionaire maverick Michael Bloomberg were not serious threats to Bernie Saunders. By this time Joe Biden was limping and it seemed as if his campaign was in its dying throes.

Then on Saturday February 28th, the South Carolina Democratic primaries took place. Joe Biden won with a landslide and his campaign was resurrected from the dead. By ‘Super Tuesday’ on March 4th, Joe Biden had secured a significant lead and was unstoppable after that. Joe Biden won South Carolina with the votes of African-Americans, the most reliable voting bloc of the Democratic Party. Joe Biden knew that the forces at play within his own party, with a record number of female Presidential candidates, as well as tensions around the country on the topic of inclusion and exclusion in America of today, meant that he no longer had the luxury of business as usual.  A ticket of two white men was not going to be an attractive draw for the increasingly diverse Democratic base. He therefore pledged, straight up, that he would take on a female running mate. Initially, it was assumed that someone like Elizabeth Warren, who appealed to a large segment of the Democratic left, and would be an acceptable consolation for the Bernie followers, would neatly fit this role to form a solid ticket against President Trump in November. Then George Lloyd was killed by policemen on May 25th, sparking outrage and massive riots within and outside the US. The Black Lives Matter movement was re-energized, and this time it got sympathy from mainstream audiences. Images of black mothers, sisters and Aunts mourning their dead sons over and over, from one senseless killing to the other kept playing on national television. The issue of Race was now front and center. Joe Biden came under pressure to pick an African-American woman as a running mate. Just as it is here in Nigeria, women are the backbone of the Democratic Party, and African-American women have more than paid their dues.

On August 11th 2020, Joe Biden announced Senator Kamala Harris as his running mate. Senator Harris comes with outstanding credentials and experience. The fact that she put herself out there to run for the Presidential nomination of her party was a plus in her favour, it means she is ready for the job. She also has a reputation for fearlessness, and is not intimidated by white male authority figures. She embarrassed Joe Biden at one of their debates by showing him the implications of one of his policies, she made Justice Brett Kavanaugh look like a school boy at his Senate hearing for clearance as a Supreme Court Judge and she grilled Attorney-General William Barr at a Senate Judiciary hearing into the Mueller Report till he squirmed figuratively. Kamala Harris ticks an impressive number of boxes, something that is absolutely necessary in today’s complex America. She is African-American and South-Asian American at the same time, born to a Jamaican father and an Indian mother. She grew up knowing what it meant to have ‘other’ identities in the US. She is also married to a white man, which takes care of a major constituency. She is a good orator, has great presence and is quite attractive with a megawatt smile, all important to the many critical voting blocs she will have to appeal to.

Already, the vultures have started to gather to pick at her. From within her own party, there are rumblings from those who believe she is too centrist to stand for much of anything and would therefore not appeal to the leftist hardliners. There are also questions about ‘how truly black she is’. On the other side, characterizations of her as a ‘Nasty’ and ‘Mad’ woman, led by President Trump himself, are being put out there. All this is no surprise, it is politics. Yesterday, I listened to Anderson Cooper interviewing Valerie Jarret on CNN. Valerie was one of Barrack Obama’s ‘Political Godmothers’, (yes, they have those in the US!), she also served as his Special Adviser throughout his two terms in office. Valerie said something to the effect that black women in the United States have been waiting for this moment. They know the knives will be out for Kamala Harris, and the political bullies will stop at nothing to bring her down. Valerie then proceeded to put everyone on notice. Black women leaders who have Kamala’s back will push back. For every take down of Kamala five will respond. It is hoped that the solidarity of white women can be counted on this time, it was taken for granted last time with disastrous results. The November election is for the Democrats to lose. They need to close ranks and stop the squabbling and whining. A lot is riding on the candidacy of Biden/Harris. Aside from hoping for a victory in November 2020, should Biden decide not to contest again in 2024, Kamala Harris has a direct shot at the White House with the strongest credentials possible. Can you imagine? A woman in the White House at last? And a black woman for that matter? Go Kamala, Go!!!!

 

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She is the First Lady of Ekiti State, and she can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

 

 

The Social activist, and convener of several development projects took to her social media page  few days ago to announce her new initiative “Get Talking with Esther”. The multi-award winning author and columnist said the show is aimed at helping people find their voice and communicate their thoughts through words, and promote positivity on social media.
Esther started her career over 10 years ago as a social activist, and she has since taken her gift to other areas, doing humanitarian work and giving hope to the helpless and downtrodden in the society. Her Initiatives include; Walk against rape, Women of Rubies, Men who Inspire and Rubygirls, all under the umbrella of Rubies Ink Initiative.
According to Esther; “ I am very expressive, I love to write and read from people, I love to celebrate people and give them hope, I love when I can feel people’s thoughts through words, and “Get talking with Esther” is just about that.  A #Tweetchat session that will give you the ambience of a show.
Basically, using my platform, years of experience, and skillset for social good to give everyone a voice. We are going to be fixing broken tables, Bringing “Under the table” conversations to the front burner for positivity. Sharing life experiences, healing and learning.
The show kicks off on August 8th, with family therapist and life coach; Praise Fowowe as the first guest.
Those who follow the chats have the opportunity of winning free gifts, food, and cash prizes weekly. #GetTalkingwithEsther is supported by Greenbliss Apartments and Abimbola Oki’s Dpotters Catering services.
To get more scoop on the initiative, kindly follow @estherijewere and Tweet using #GettalkingwithEsther
Click this link to follow and be part of the show  https://twitter.com/EstherIjewere?s=09

There are so many Nigerians living in the diaspora making us proud, Adebola Adefioye is one of them. She is not only raising the flag high, but also empowering other women while at it.

She  is a proven resilient woman whose work with women and youth span over 10 years. She coordinated the “For Girls Only” program at The Real Woman Foundation, Lagos, Nigeria for some years. Aside from her natural interest in the social sector, she has also deployed professional services in the childcare sector. She is a Registered Early Childhood Educator in Ontario and an alumna of Coady International Institute where she studied Advancing Women Leadership in Conflict Transformation, Peacebuilding and Community Development.

Adebola is a Certified Speaker, Coach and Trainer with The John Maxwell Team and she founded Afro Women and Youth Foundation, an organization she started to support the holistic development of vulnerable African women, girls, and youth. This is where she deploys her advocacy strengths and leadership skills to deconstruct the enormous, socially constructed injustices in the society while empowering, mentoring, and developing leadership skills of marginalized populations.

Adebola is married with 3 adorable children. Her social entrepreneurship and educational commitment work got recognition recently as she was named the recipient for the 2020 HELIX Female Entrepreneurship Award and Walker Wood Foundation Early Childhood Educator Award at Seneca College, Ontario, Canada. She was also nominated as a Woman of Inspiration at Universal Women’s Network, Canada.

She is a professional member of the College of Early Childhood Education (CECE), Ontario, Family Support Institute of Ontario (FSIO) and Association of Early Childhood Educators, Ontario (AECEO) Canada.

Childhood Influence

Yes, growing up prepared me for what I am doing now. Growing up was good until things turned around when my father had to retire earlier than planned from his banking job in Nigeria because the bank wanted to recruit young graduates. Our family’s financial situation changed quickly because we are a polygamous family and the available funds were no longer enough for all. I had to drop out of the University of Ado-Ekiti and struggled a lot by myself after that event but all the experiences helped me to build resilience and now I can relate when I see young girls going through a difficult situation.


Inspiration behind  Afro Women and Youth foundation

I have always known that women and girls are very vulnerable, and as a new immigrant, I faced some difficulties. I experience subtle racism regularly and my daughter experienced it very hard from Grade 2-3 because she was the only black girl in class. I kept coaching her on how best to handle it. Eventually, she built enough confidence and she started speaking up whenever necessary. Last year, she won the award for Most Confident Child in grade 5. My personal experience and my daughter’s inspired me to start the Afro Women and Youth Foundation.  At AWYF, we currently run monthly empowerment events for marginalized African women, girls and youth in Toronto, Canada. Some of our past sessions include (The Resilient Woman, Be The Best, How to Handle Peer Pressure, Integration in Canada Positive Parenting Strategies etc).

 The journey been so far?

It has been very fulfilling. Helping others makes me and my team very happy. We just hope the people we are helping now will someday extend the love to other people.

Being the recipient  of the 2020 HELIX Female Entrepreneurship Award , and Several notable Awards in Canada

I felt very good. I worked very hard as a club leader, mentor, and tutor to other students at the college and also support new African immigrants in my community. I am very happy and thankful.

Challenges of being a Social Entrepreneur

Getting sustainable funds to implement my transformative ideas has been the most challenging part of my work. This is because we are a new nonprofit. I am very grateful for the individuals and organizations that currently support my work and very hopeful for more support and collaborations.

 3 Women Who Inspire you to be better and why?

My mother is my greatest inspiration. I watched her return to school after 6 children and moved herself out of dependency to becoming an independent woman. She has also faced many other challenges but she remains strong.

Pastor Adenike Adeyemi is another person I strongly admire and working at her organization (The Real Woman Foundation) for 4 years as the “For Girls Only” program coordinator further prepared me for the social developmental work I do today.

Mrs. Omowale Ogunrinde, the executive director of Field of Skills and Dreams, Lagos is another great inspiration to me. She employed me as Hat & Beads Trainer after I dropped out of the University and moved to Lagos from Ibadan. I watched her every day at work as she runs her business with strong principles.

Bridging the gap between my work in Canada and Nigeria

 We recently started virtual training that is open to women and youth living in Nigeria and other parts of Africa. We just concluded a Self-Care training for educators last month and people joined from Burundi and Nigeria. We also did another one for youth and all who attended both events were given cash gifts by a sponsor as COVID-19 relief.

AWYF will be celebrating the 1st anniversary in September and to mark the event, we will be launching an Interest-free small business loan for Gender-Based Violence (GBV) victims who have established small businesses. This is coming with the help of a sponsor who is interested in fighting GBV in Nigeria. This intervention program will be delivered in partnership with Attitude Development International (ADI) and only those who have officially reported their experience and have started their businesses will be eligible for the funds. These are things Nigerian women can benefit from.

 Being a Social Entrepreneur,  Research Assistant at Seneca College, a Mom and wife, and managing it all

I am a strong-willed person and I think multi-tasking is one of my gifts. I also have a very supportive husband who is equally a social entrepreneur and believes in women’s empowerment.

The pandemic has made a lot of Nigerian women vulnerable, What coping mechanism advice would you give to these women at a time like this.

 I would recommend regular breathing exercises. Every woman should regularly make a list of things they are thankful for as those can bring great joy in this difficult time. Also, it is important to hang out with good friends who make you happy. It could be a physical or virtual connection, but we all need that sense of connection at this time. Lastly, I’ll say, ask for help when you need it. I must also add that women should please speak out when experiencing any form of violence.

 Being  a Woman of Rubies?

I have had many negative experiences over the years and through mentorship, coaching and personal development, I have learned how to consistently bounce back and thrive in the face of adversity. Most importantly, helping others to do the same is what makes me a Woman of Rubies.

Speaking, Training, Mentoring and Coaching Services

You can contact Adebola if you need her to speak at your event or interested in her mentorship/coaching programs. She also provides Qualitative professional Early Childhood Educator training to schools, religious or any child-focused organizations.

Website: www.afrowyf.org

Instagram:@adebolaadefioye1

Facebook: Adebola Taiwo Adefioye

LinkedIn: Adebola Adefioye

WhatsApp:+1(905)955-8667

 

Abiodun Emiola Alabi is a passionate Human resource professional and serial entrepreneur. She is very keen about people and performance management. She is an enthusiastic and self-motivated professional with over 12 years experience in human capital management, business development and social entrepreneurship.

She has a BS.c in Business Administration and Management. ‘Biodun is also an associate member of Chartered Institute Personnel Management of Nigeria (CIPM) and Nigeria Institute of training and development (NITAD) respectively. She’s alumni of Day star leadership academy.

Abiodun is also  the founder of the foremost Moms platform; Motherhood Nigeria  Initiative, where she shares tips and educate moms on how to navigate the journey . Through her platform she has empowered and supported women in undeserving communities through her “Project Safe Birth” Initiative.

She shares her story in this interview with Esther Ijewere

Childhood Preparation

My childhood definitely prepared me to build resilience and empathy. It taught me to create lemonade from any lemon experience. Growing up was not quite exciting for me. From a family of 6 (six) children, I happened to be the forth born and the last daughter of my family.During my secondary school days, my family lived in a face-me and face-you house in Ibadan. Then, we had a young couple as our neighbours. The man’s wife was friendly and industrious. However, she had complications during the childbirth of her second baby which led to excess bleeding and she later passed on. The situation of her children after her death was unpleasant as there was no proper care for her children. This situation made me determine to strive to support motherhood in the future.

Inspiration behind Motherhood Nigeria Initiative

I have always believed women can solve many of the societal problems when there is synergy. In 2018, when Bill Gate visited Nigeria, he said, “Nigeria is one of the most dangerous places to give birth with the forth worst maternal mortality rate in the world…” His statement made me remember the incident of a woman that bled to death during her child birth when I was in secondary school. So I began to think, read and research how I could proffer solutions to the reduction of maternal mortality in Nigeria. That gave birth to Motherhood Ng Initiative; a woman-led NGO purposely established to improve the maternal and child health in rural communities in Nigeria.

The Journey so far

It has been enlightening and challenging, I must say. It has stretched me to live my comfort zone. Since we started, we have trained women in five states in Nigeria as changed agents for maternal and child health in communities closest to them. This is made possible through the members of our online community for mothers and mothers-to-be for almost six years. We have done community outreach to campaign and promote the family planning to women and their families. In June 2020, we launched Project Safe Birth and it has reached more than 50 pregnant women with free safe birth kits. We shall continue to address issues that concern women within reproductive age and children under age five.

Project Safe Birth

Project Safe Birth was launched to focus on improving maternal and neonatal health, increase the quality of lives of mothers and newborns with provision of free safe birth kits for pregnant women as well as providing health education and advisory. This project will also embark on family planning awareness for both mothers and their spouses. We recently launched this project and it has provided over 50 safe birth kits for pregnant women in two states. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends six steps to prevent infection during childbirth. Our safe birth kits contain items that prevent infection which is one of the leading causes of maternal and infant mortality. Project Safe Birth’s target is to provide 10,000 safe birth kits to pregnant women in rural communities in Nigeria before the end of 2020.

Challenges 

The challenges I experienced since the establishment of our NGO have really helped me to think outside the box to create funding solution for the sustainability of our vision.

One of the challenges is funding. Presently, we seek for partnerneship with interested organizations and supportive individuals to reach out to more women in rural communities.

Being a Member of Several Organisations

I am an associate member of Chartered Institute personnel management of Nigeria and Nigeria Institute of training and Development respectively.  My thirst for personal development and human capital development can be linked to it. I always believe human resources are the most important resources to sustain an organization.

Women who Inspire me

Pastor Funke Adejumo; the Convener of Winning Edge Women Conference and Founder of Funke-Felix Adejumo Foundation. She is an exemplary woman of unusual grace and courage.

Mrs. Ibukun Awosika. She is a global, phenomenal and fearless woman. She has achieved global recognition and attained heights that break gender barriers.

Impact of the Motherhood Nigeria page

The Motherhood Nigeria social media page was created almost six years ago on BBM channel and migrated to Instagram two years ago with the community of twelve thousand mothers and mothers-to-be.

The platform has impacted mothers in racing their children and helped them to make informed decisions in their motherhood journey.

Work life balance

It is difficult to explain how I cope with multiple responsibilities. I realized that there is nothing like work life balance but work life integration. So I try as much as possible to prioritize being a mother and wife over work and vice versa.

Coping Mechanism during the pandemic

Be resilient and stay focus. The solution you are looking for is in you. Look inward. There is abundance locks up in you waiting to manifest. Be contented.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I am a woman of rubies because I am solution oriented and resilient. I believe in women providing solutions to communities.

 

Popular Nigerian OAP and entrepreneur, Toke Makinwa in a recent tweet said that Feminism is not hatred towards the male gender.

She said this in respond to some followers who insinuated that she and Tonto Dike hates men.

Toke replied that she does not hate men, but ‘I hate patriarchy and I speak against “male privileges” ‘

She opined that feminism is speaking against patriarchy, it is inclusion and some men are in support of it.

She tweeted ;

“Know the difference and set yourself free.

Feminism is not hatred towards the male gender, I just can’t stand the male privileges that exists.

It is speaking out against patriarchy, it is inclusion and there are men who support feminism too.”

 

One issue women hardly talk about openly is Fibroid, yet 1 in 3 women suffer from  it.
Oyinkan Ogundele is changing the narrative of silence , as she is encouraging women to speak up, seek help and make them understand Fibroid is not a death sentence
She  is Founder, My Gynae Issues Foundation, a Non-profit organization with the aim of Raising Awareness of Gynae Issues And The Effects On Women – Uterine Fibroids, PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Dysmenorrhea, Pelvic Pain, Stress Incontinence, Vesico Vagina Fistula and More. Oyinkan leads the Administration function at Nigeria’s pre-eminent investment bank, Chapel Hill Denham.
She has over 19 years of experience in Client Service Management, Public Relations, Commercial Accounts Administration, Corporate Communications as well as Administrative Management. She started her career as a Customer Service Manager at a UK Multinational. She also worked in Credit Control and managed international corporate accounts with several Telecoms companies.
 Oyinkan is a 3 time Fibroid survivor. She is a Christian believer and a staunch advocate for women’s health; empowering women to know that Fibroids is a Gynecological condition which can be treated; and it is not a death sentence.
Having survived 4 major surgeries, and like the proverbial cat with 9 lives, Oyinkan is passionate about dispelling the myths and removing the stigma associated with fibroids and other reproductive health issues. Oyinkan holds an MA in Creative Media Arts (New Digital Media) from the London South Bank University, UK and an HND in Mass Communication from Ogun State Polytechnic, Abeokuta. 
She shares her inspiring story exclusively in this interview with Esther Ijewere

 

Growing up
 My childhood was very memorable and fun. I grew up as a very loving, warm and compassionate child. Having lost my father when I was about 4 years old, (that’s a little over 36 years ago now), I heard so many wonderful stories about him. Everyday, I am reminded of how kind and benevolent he was. You know how it feels when random people hear my surname and ask if I am related to the late Dr. OluFunmilayo Osisanya and I would proudly reply: “oh, that’s my father.” What usually followed was praises of my Dad and how kind he was. This truly inspires me to live an impactful life. I remember on one occasion, someone informed me that my father helped restore his eyesight; and this was one of my father’s kind gestures towards him. The man was very excited to tell me about how my Dad had fixed his glaucoma and cataract for free. For some others, my father paid their children’s school fees, etc. He was always rendering acts of  kindness, especially to strangers. Because of my father’s legacy, I am inspired to help other people. I am also fortunate to have the most loving mother anyone can pray for. My mother is always helping others. My grandparents also had a house full of children whom they raised; many of whom were not their biological children. For these reasons, and with the combination of traits inherited from my closely knit family, helping others comes naturally to me.
Inspiration behind My Gynae Issues Foundation
I am a 3 time fibroid survivor. As a result of my experience in dealing with very aggressive fibroids, I developed a penchant for researching into women’s health. I am very passionate about advocating for women’s health matters as well as patients’ rights. I was initially reluctant to talk about my experience. This reluctance was borne out of fear – fear that I would keep growing them, fear that the fibroids may return, especially if they were an ‘affliction’ as this is one myth that is very commonly heard. However, after my 2nd year of finally becoming fibroid free, I summoned up courage to share my story with my friends and family via Instagram.
Subsequently, I started getting responses from people who had received my posts. Soon enough, I started getting referrals – people who wanted me to encourage their friends who had fibroids and had no support whatsoever.
In November 2019, I got invited to a fibroid awareness seminar where I shared my story with a room full of women. The number of ladies who connected with me, who took my number and also reached out to me after the seminar was phenomenal. I couldn’t believe the number of women who like I once did, were battling fibroids and its debilitating effects, but did not have the necessary support system which they desperately needed. Every fibroid sufferer deserves all the support they can get. You can not imagine my ordeal; whilst I did not have anyone to talk to about my symptoms, apart from the doctors who always seemed in a hurry to rush me out of their office/ consultation room. I was a very sorry sight.
July is recognized as the Fibroid awareness month and to commemorate this year’s celebration, I decided to formalize my desire to ensure that our collective voices are amplified louder than fibroids. According to Angela Garbes, in her Heavy Flow Podcast #59, “We have never valued female reproductive health financially, culturally, scientifically… So we do not actually know a whole lot and we fill that void with moralizing theories and value-driven opinions.
On July 1st, 2020, I birthed My Gynae Issues Foundation – a platform dedicated to Raising Awareness of various Gynaecology Conditions and their Impact on Women’s Health. Some of these conditions include: Uterine Fibroids, PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Pelvic Pain, Pelvic Inflammation, Dysmenorrhea, Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), Pre-Exacerbation, Period Stigma/Period Poverty, Vesico Vagina Fistula and many more.
For me, the month of July started on a very good note. Apart from it being the Fibroid awareness month, I am especially grateful for many reasons. Let’s just say in summary that I am happy about my present status. I am 💯% Fibroid Free and also can now wear whites. Do you know how exciting that is for me? If you don’t, I will share some insight on this.
For over 12 years (2005 to 2017), I did not own a single white clothing; not one underwear, towel, bedsheet, or you name it. This was not because I was too lazy to wash my whites; rather, I thought it was just pointless wearing white coloured clothes which oftentimes got soiled with patches of red. No matter how white the fabric was when I purchased it, it soon changed colour. I was constantly seeing red as a result of excessive bleeding during my monthly period that I actually developed a special dislike cum phobia for the colour red.
Thankfully, that era is now over and I now gladly/boldly buy and wear whites even during my periods. I do this without the fear of spilling blood all over the place. I also do not mind wearing red items of clothing, etc. In fact, I own a few white as well as red dresses and I have been rocking them well since I got rid of the horrible fibroids. I am indeed thankful that I can wear white. I implore you to raise your glasses for a toast
The Journey so Far
 The journey to becoming fibroid free was long, painful and tiring. Having suffered from the severe effects of having multiple fibroids, I sometimes feel like I am qualified to liken myself to the woman who the Bible in Luke 8:43-48 describes as the woman with the issue of blood. She was one whose name was unknown, rather, she was defined by her condition.
Of course, there was a huge difference between my story and that of the woman with the issue of blood. I do not know the cause of her condition; all we know is that she bled every day continuously for 12 years. However, she had the determination of a survivor. In my case, I had fibroids which caused me excessive/heavy bleeding a few days every month for about 12 years; but unlike the woman with the issue of blood, I did not bleed everyday.
Can you imagine this woman’s plight. Her ordeal was quite pathetic. The Bible said she spent all she had, visiting many physicians yet she didn’t find a cure for her ailment.
She must have been ostracized because of her condition. She may have lost her friends/family. Clearly, there would have been no sexual intimacy with her husband if she was married. Also, because it happened in the time of Jesus Christ, we know that she lived in the era of the old testament.This means, she would not have been allowed into Church because of her bleeding. At the time, women who had a period were considered unclean during their periods. This means that she must have lacked spiritual mentorship and fellowship. If she could not go to Church, how did she strengthen her Christian faith?
How do you think this woman coped? She was a real survivor. She meditated with strong belief in her heart that if she could touch the hem of Jesus’ garment, she would be made whole. Thank God for the healing Jesus who eventually set her free from her affliction! This is my story and I share it, so that other women do not have to go through what I went through.
Once I overcame fibroids, I found myself again. I now boldly share my story to help other women. I speak up because every woman deserves the right to good quality medical treatment of their Gynae conditions. No longer can we bear for our symptoms to be gaslighted. Our voices must be heard and I know that we can only be loud enough if we raise our voices in unison. I stand for fibroid awareness and patients’ advocacy. July is Fibroid awareness month, and my goal is to reach 30,000 women, encouraging them to share their stories and get the right treatment option. I ask you to please stand with me. Together, we will stand tall against fibroids.
19 years in the corporate world, and managing Fibroid too
Fibroids negatively impacted my physical emotional and mental well-being. With fibroids, it was often very difficult for me to concentrate at work. I was always taking time off work to attend hospital appointments and subsequently was away from work for about 2 months each time I had a surgery. With fibroids, I had excessive bleeding which often made me severely anaemic with attendant consequences, including tiredness, low self esteem, mental/ emotional stress, depression and I was a shadow of my former healthy self.
I was not able to perform optimally at work because it seemed like my life revolved around my periods. I could have  built up my blood the month before and as soon as I had my next period, the quality of my blood would deplete so quickly (in less than 30 minutes) and it was like a the vicious cycle. I was just so grateful to have been able to at least hold down a job. If I did not have fibroids, I would probably be in senior management in my career by now. Be that as it may, I want to say a special thanks to the management of my current employment. My CEO was very supportive and made it possible for me to manage my health and maintain work life balance as much as possible. Thanks to Mr. Bolaji Balogun, CEO, Chapel Hill Denham. His support meant a lot to me.
My 3 times survivor journey with fibroids
It’s a very long story, but I will provide a summary. Shortly after I had my 2nd open myomectomy surgery, to remove Uterine Fibroids, I realized that the treatment method which both of my doctors had used was not at all sustainable.
I had been placed on an injection in the family of the Gnrh Analogue medication (Zoladex/Lupron injection). The aim of the injection was to shrink the fibroid tumors. After 3 injections, I noticed that my stomach became very flat, thereby giving me a false belief that the fibroids had disappeared, but the excitement was soon short-lived. As soon as I stopped taking the injections, the fibroids which had been successfully shrunk would then grow back to their original size. The Doctors still scheduled me for surgery despite my seemingly flat stomach and extracted mostly the big/visible fibroids.
At the time of surgery, some of the fibroids were either too tiny to be noticed; they were negligible, because of their small size. The disadvantage of leaving some tiny fibroids behind was that they potentially grew back to the original size which they were before the drug was asministered. This was what happened to me. After a successful surgery, the Doctor closed me up and sent me home only for the fibroids to grow back within 6 weeks post surgery.
This experience was quite painful. I also recall having a regrowth of fibroids after an incidence of self medication with the drug clomid. In my opinion, the fibroids grew because I took the drug without the supervision of my Gynaecologist. The leaflet made reference to the need for a gynae doctor’s supervision, especially for anyone who had a history with fibroids. I share this point in order to highlight the dangers of self medication. Apparently, the drug is capable of fuelling fibroid growth and like I mentioned, this point was stated in the leaflet contained in the medication, which I dismissed. I thought: what were the odds that I would experience that effect?!
After this particular experience, I realized that it was extremely expedient that I got actively involved in my own care. I decided that I would have a good understanding of the condition which had plagued me for so long. I was no longer willing to be the Doctor’s Guinea pig. I could not bear to be their experimental one so started researching on fibroids to understand the trend of its regrowth. I also put an ear out to find the most experienced fibroid specialist as I only wanted the best hands to look after me. I encourage everyone out there, do not choose a doctor at random, rather, research and due diligence should be employed to find a qualified doctor.
Once I found my doctor, (I chose a Nigerian Doctor who was trained in the UK, but practices in Nigeria. I think that the fact that a Doctor has seen many women with large fibroids is a prerequisite for understanding the dynamics of the condition. Please note that doctors who practice medicine in African countries are better with treating fibroids as they tend to see and treat more indigenous women who present with fibroids. They have this advantage over Doctors who practice in other parts of the World, especially in the West. We know that women of black origin are more likely to have and grow bigger/multiple fibroids.
 Highlighting  the high incidence of maternal mortality & Supporting Families In need
I am not a Catholic but I was born at Sacred Heart Hospital in Lantoro, Abeokuta. I have heard many good testimonies about that hospital and I thank God for the initiative and the continued ideals by the Management. But for the expertise and dedication of the nurses and midwives in this hospital, my Mother could have become a victim of maternal mortality when I was born in 1979. My Mother had pre-eclampsia (a condition that affects many pregnant women). I was told that but for the timely intervention of competent midwives at that hospital, she would have died and my fate may have been unlikely as well.
It saddens me to note that almost 41 years after, in 2020, Nigerian women are still dying like chickens as a result of what should otherwise have been seen as ‘minor’ ailments like pre-eclampsia, oedema in pregnancy, high & low blood pressure, placenta previa, to name a few but the list goes on!
Why would a woman scheduled for a Caesarean Section (CS) not wake up after having anaesthetics administered to put her to sleep? Why can’t Doctors offer women an elective CS when they see that the mother or child is in danger? Women do not die needlessly in the UK. Even Libya had a fantastic health care system before Ghadaffi’s exit. Why can’t we get our priorities right in Nigeria?
Why can’t Churches begin to stand up and declare war against maternal mortality in Nigeria? The high incidence of maternal mortality & morbidity in Nigeria is unacceptable and I stand to challenge Pentecostal Churches who are more interested in buying private jets and building Churches at every nook and cranny of Nigeria. Why can’t these Churches be proactive to extend their benevolence into building one Maternity Centre for every 10 branches of the Church (I will not mention any denomination, but there are many of them out there).
We all know that more than half of the congregants of these Churches are Women; majority of whom are there in search of solution to their ‘childless’ status. If the Church can pray for Women to become blessed with the fruit of the womb, why can’t the same Church be interested in the care of the pregnant woman and ensure her safe delivery. Afterall, the miracles of Jesus Christ as seen in the Bible were sustainable miracles, they were not short lived.
Permit me to say that not all cases of maternal mortality is as a result of lack of prayer, but as a result of lack of adequate care or its neglect. I want to declare WAR on maternal mortality in Nigeria and I am looking for like minded people to stand up with me to fight this good cause. Are you willing to stand for this cause too?  Together, I hope that we can stop the trend of sad/avoidable deaths of pregnant women in Nigeria. I know that Maternal mortality is not the only issue we have in Nigeria but it is one that needs to be addressed ASAP. This is a CALL FOR ACTION! The International Day of Maternal Health and Rights is celebrated on April 11th. Every time I see a reminder on this date, a desire to make a change (no matter how little) is stirred within me. Eradicating Maternal mortality is indeed a cause after my heart. I will not stop speaking until something is done. So help me God!
Advocating for a cause women are silent about
ANSWER: According to Angela Garbes, in her Heavy Flow Podcast #59, “We have never valued female reproductive health financially, culturally, scientifically… So we do not actually know a whole lot and we fill that void with moralising theories and value-driven opinions.
Because fibroids are rarely talked about, there are a lot of misconceptions, myths, and stigma associated with it and other related gynnae issues.
For instance, women have been conditioned to think that pain which is often associated with many gynae conditions should be endured. We have been taught that painful periods are normal but to be honest, it is not. African women are of the belief that painful periods will subside when women start bearing children, but that is far from true. Painful periods may be signs of a condition called endometriosis which studies have shown that 1 in 10 women suffer from, globally.
In the same vein, doctors have not been able to tell us the exact causes of fibroids; yet, we hear all sorts of old wives tales about the causes of fibroids. Some school of thought say the womb is designed to carry a child and if a child is not put in the womb during a woman’s active reproductive years, the womb automatically fills the vacuum with fibroids and other unusual growths.
 3 women who inspire you to be better and why
Late Mrs. May Ellen Ezekiel Mofe Damijo. She inspired me to study Mass Communication and like her, I wanted to be a TV presenter, talk show host and seasoned journalist. Unfortunately, she was cut short in her prime. She died as a result of complications from a fibroid surgery.
Late Ms. Kathryn Khulman – She inspires me to continue to desire a deep fellowship with the person of the Holy Spirit.
Mrs. Ibukun Awosika is a Christian and a high flying business mogul/executive. She is a godly example of a family oriented as well as a career woman. She is a woman of rubies.
Please, permit me to add my mother to this list. She will be the 4th woman who inspires me to be selfless and a strong one irrespective of life’s challenges.
Being a Woman of Rubies
My passion, tenacity and strong desire to be a positive change agent in my generation makes me a woman of immense worth. Women of rubies rock!
Objectives of  My Gynae Issues Foundation are:
1. Creating awareness for various gynaecology/health conditions which affects women.
2. Providing support for women as they walk through their gynae issues.
3. Partnership with organisations who have a CSR budget, in order to get subsidised hospital/health care costs for women’s gynaecology conditions.
4. Provision of funding for patients who have a life threatening gynae related condition, but cannot afford to pay for their treatment options.
5. Advocacy for Patients’ rights.
Contact us via:
Instagram: @MyGynaeIssues, @LadyOyinO
Facebook: My Gynae Issues

 

Zainab Aliyu, the Nigerian lady who was wrongly jailed in Saudi Arabia for carrying drugs she had no knowledge of, and rescued with the intervention of ?President Muhammadu Buhari, has completed the National Youth Service Corps, NYSC.

Shortly after she was released and returned to Nigeria, Zainab began the mandatory 1-year NYSC exercise and she just passed out with the latest batch.

Abike Dabiri-Erewa, the chairman of the Nigerians in Diaspora Commission, NiDCOM, celebrated Zainab after she completed her NYSC.

Dabiri-Erewa shared a picture showing Zainab flaunting her NYSC certificate and wrote: “Remember Zainab Aliyu, wrongly jailed in Saudi for carrying drugs she had no knowledge of, and rescued with the intervention of ?@MBuhari? She just completed her NYSC. We wish Zainab the best as she moves on to great success in life ?@Hajarahhh”, she tweeted.

 

Zainab Aliyu, the Nigerian lady who was rescued after being wrongly jailed in Saudi Arabia for carrying drugs, completes NYSC

Hope Ifeyinwa Nwakwesi is the founder of Almanah Hope, a non-governmental organisation focused on lending a helping hand and giving a new lease of life to Nigerian widows. Though she was widowed early in her marriage, the educational supervisor, author, radio presenter and social entrepreneur, was never deterred in her life’s course. Joining the rest of the world to celebrate this year’s International Widows’ Day, she launched Nigeria’s first Widows’ Database, which seeks to accommodate Nigerian widows, especially those in the rural areas. In this interview with TOBI AWODIPE, she talks about the widows’ protection bill, ending harmful practices against widows and why men must begin to take family planning and will writing more seriously.

You recently organised an event in Nigeria to mark the International Widows Day (IWD), how did it go?
It went well. We had Her Excellency, Dr Aisha Buhari as the Special Guest of Honor, with the Minister of Women Affairs, Dame Pauline Tallen, as the host. We also had notable speakers such as the UN Women Country Representative, Comfort Lamptey, the media and other notable stakeholders and speakers. Pauline Tallen launched the Nigerian Widows Database, as Comfort Lamptey confirmed the parameters required in the data collection. We discussed the need for the widows’ protection bill and the importance of amplifying these issues and works.

Tell us about the database, how would that benefit widows?
The Nigeria widows’ database initiative came up during this pandemic. As we all know, the effects of the lockdown affected so many especially widows whose source of income are predominantly from daily sales. I have many widows on my phone, seeking for assistance even from other states. I remember seeing some government agencies on Twitter talking about their palliative actions and I asked for help for my widows, but they didn’t respond to me. I then realised that there’s a need to help ourselves using data so that widows in the rural areas can also benefit. We contacted Women Radio to partner with us as we set out to start the data collection.

One fundamental challenge during the distribution of palliatives was a clear absence of a comprehensive database, including a database for widows in Nigeria. A database will go a long way in direct Federal Government intervention through the Ministry and in the appropriate channeling of much-needed resources to target programmes, demographics and households, thus directly improving the welfare of widows. It will help commissioners and local councils create localised programmes on skill acquisitions and empowerment. Having a database will in time, help widows seek for their own rights from relevant authorities knowing that they will have no excuse of not knowing how to reach them. A demographic database will also help attract international bodies with programmes and facilities as they can easily and directly access them from the data. The psychological effect of being counted is an antidote of the long experience ‘sin of omission.’

How did you get into fighting for the rights of Nigerian widows?
I was widowed young with four young kids between the ages of 4 and eight. It was a painful experience as I had to battle at every side; from harmful cultural practices (though my rites were the basic as the human factor was excluded off mine as I had my liberal and literate in-laws which shunned the vindictive ones) to the social issues. As a widow, my experience was traumatic and a long one. One month after I buried my police officer husband, I came back from the village to the barracks to meet a letter ejecting my children and me from the barracks. Three months later, I went to my office at a police school where I worked as a teacher and saw some people at the notice board. As I went there to see what they were reading, posted on it was my letter of suspension. My legs buckled under me and I fainted. These are just a few examples of the systemic rot that goes on to which millions of women are not speaking about due to fear and shame.

How do we eradicate these harmful practices perpetrated against Nigerian widows?
For last year’s IWD walk, we said we were going to end every widowhood rite that violates women’s dignity; we shared flyers in the streets and markets of Lagos Island and Mainland, Awka and Abuja with our suggested 7 points action which are: Government must pass the law and transmit it to the masses using all channels; Traditional rulers send a letter to every family; use town criers to disseminate the stop order; Religious leaders must talk and preach against these harmful practices; All age-grades meetings must begin to speak against and stop these practices; Schools must inculcate it in the curriculum and enlighten children and youths; Improved media enlightenment and campaign; Posters calling for the end to these practices must be pasted on all women affairs offices, secretariat, Local Government headquarters, primary healthcare and strategic centres; stating it with the place of complaints in English and local languages.

And I add again, organisations, review your CSRs, let your advertising inculcate it; sponsor programmes that address social issues. Imagine a company’s advert and billboards saying, ‘Confiscating a widows property is stealing; report to so and so if you are a victim.’

You have been advocating for the widow’s protection bill, how would this bill protect them?
Yes, Almanah Foundation has prepared and submitted for consideration in the Federal House of Representatives, a bill for an Act to eliminate all forms of repressive cultural practices against widows, provide for the protection of their fundamental human rights and for other matters connected thereto, 2020. This Bill shall be cited as Widows Protection Bill, this is currently in the hand of Hon. Adejoro Adeogun (Akoko South East/South West Federal Constituency), which he promised would be having its first reading in March but was badly affected by the lockdown. I call upon all women and influencers to please partner with us and get this comprehensive protection rights for women passed.

You are also at the forefront of the fight to eliminate violence against women and girls, how far have you gone in that regards?
As a teacher and educational administrator with three daughters and six grandkids, I believe in nipping SGBV in the bud. There’s a subtle downward transmission of these GBV practices from our culture and intentional teaching is required to re-orient our youths. This gave birth to our inter-secondary competition on violence against women and girls in celebration of International Day for Elimination of Violence against Women and Girls through the 16 days of activism from which I produced my second book, Message to the Youth.

Schools are made to decorate the entrance with posters depicting the various forms of this violence and students write articles and poems on them. It has been informative and rewarding these past three years but regrettable, as neither the Women Affairs Ministry nor Education Ministry, which I have constantly approached, found it interesting or a need as I continue to spearhead it alone.

Loss of financial power is a major challenge most widows face, how are you helping them surmount this hurdle?
By mentoring them; start at your level, readjust your lifestyle but don’t destroy yourself. Create a ‘financial hub’ by having multiple sources of income, even if it is to sell sachet water. Change accommodation, schools and whatever if you must begin again at your strength. We’ve supported some with cash and others with the loan, but I’m a great advocate of widowhood not being a charity case. So, it’s better to help them to build up themselves from where they are.

Tell us how your widow cooperative club works, how do members benefit?
We have two types; Esusu, where we contribute and each takes and contributes and shares quarterly, yearly or as the need arises. The second is a partnership business we just flagged off in Enugu, an AHCoOps agricultural business where we buy, produce and sell farm products in partnership.

You often say that until widows’ issues become an integral part of all discussions and actions of gender equality, there will be no equity in the equality, why?
My simple answer will be what transpired between two women and myself. First, I met an educated, widely travelled woman I met after church service one day and gave her a copy of my book A Widow’s Window to buy. She pushed it back to me, saying, “Hold it till I know any widow I can give it to.”

The second encounter, I met a woman two years ago in Abuja, a prominent actor, a one-time political head, a great influencer and a personal assistant to another bigger politician. We sat on the same table at the Women Radio Voice of Women award 2018. I gave her an invitation to The Widows Summit we were having that November. She gave me the invite back, saying she’s not a widow; that’s the attitude of women to widows’ issues from churches, social, family circles and so on. Some people think I’m crazy, but after 26 years as an educationist, I’m not. I have even sent a letter to UN Women asking them to first address the ‘sin of omission’ by changing to ‘International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Widows, Women and Girls’ having identified Day of the Girl Child, International Women’s Day and International Widows Day. Removing them on a day they want to address the violation is an exclusion that makes us invisible.

A lot of people have argued that the Ministry of Women Affairs isn’t doing enough for Nigerian women, what’s your take on that?
Yes and No. Yes, because I’m personally yet to see or hear of a standing project of empowerment to girls, women and widows to which any of this group is benefiting from. Judging from my past experiences of having approached them for most of our programmes that are serious GBV issues, their outright unrest, even as we seek the only endorsement, leaves me bewildered. No, because of the singular act of the present honorable minister of Women Affairs this IWD of her endorsement of the Nigeria Widows Database and her promise to ensure their rights are enshrined. The Ministry of Women Affairs needs to wake up and present a preventive, prosecutive and rehabilitative front; not just in their files, but also in the communities. They should start by sponsoring programmes on GBV education on radios in their various states and create posters and billboards on these issues across their local government communities.

Do you think these women can be better empowered and supported through careers as against just teaching them to make soaps, bread and the likes?
I think that skill acquisition is part of career development, but it is the presentation that is the issue. I’m of the school of thought that says our new norm of empowerment of widows and women must be modified to our former vocational and technical education. University education is great, but we can see the massive unemployment and importation of almost everything we use today. We used to have secondary/technical and vocational schools for both women and men, but they’ve all been abandoned. Proper skill training for young women and girls will help her build a career as she perfects her skill, but ad-hoc empowerment training often does not as she’s not fully equipped. We have a Widows and Women Empowerment Program (WaWEp), a project that will take this training to the widows and women to their space, giving them ample opportunity and time to master one skill and build a career of it; which we’ve already submitted to Federal Ministry of Women Affairs.

How do you think the government and private individuals can lend tangible support to widows?
Government should provide a policy to protect her rights, having identified the absence of a legal framework that is targeted at widows. I personally believe that supporting widows is protecting her rights and providing facilities for her to be independent and not be a liability. An educational scholarship/loan for her children, health insurance, SME loans by government, organisations and individuals can help cushion her struggle as she builds herself with less humiliation and abuse.

How can Nigeria end SGBV against women and girls?
We must go back to the basics, starting from family, schools, media and religion. As parents, we must teach our children from infancy that ability is not gendered sensitive. While the physiological differences must be respected and observed accordingly, abilities are both inherent and can be nurtured for both sexes. Schools must have gender-based education as core and extra curriculum and intentional education of SGBV laws. Last year, walking into one of the schools, a teacher approached me and said, ‘you’re Almanah Hope? I just want to say thank you!’ I asked what for and she said, ‘when I was nominated to prepare our students on the competition, I was angry, asking myself what is this one again. But something I observed between my students changed my perception. An argument ensued between students (a boy and a girl); the girl jumped on the boy and grabbed his collar. Raising his fist high, he dropped it and said, “If not because they said beating is violence, I would have given you the beating of your life.’ The competition was to draw, colour and paste on their school entrance the various activities of violence against women and girls. Imagine that young boy absorbing this teaching intermittently; he will grow with a respectable attitude to the female gender. Media must intensify education and information; Religious bodies must begin to preach an end to SGBV on the pulpit and even in Sunday school classes.

If you could change something for Nigerian women, what would that be?
Our cultural perception of women! The patriarchal society aftermath of ‘she’s a women,’ her ability defined in her sexuality.

Where do you draw inspiration from, how do you stay motivated when things aren’t going the way you want?
My inspiration comes from God and life itself. You see, my life did not go as planned, but I had to walk into the unplanned to get a plan. My motivation comes from my experience and my profession. Yes, I told myself that life would not swallow me as I got up to move and at each difficulty; I pause to say if I survived that I will survive this. When things start going wrong and I seem to see myself in the left, I have learned to walk on the right.

What last words do you want to leave with women reading this that have been inspired by you?
Widowhood is in the life evolution of every woman who says, ‘I do.’ Women are strong forces in families, the ‘Umuada or Ndi nyom’ speak up and take actions. Women, be independent in your dependent; love and respect your man, but let not your man be your hands so that his death will not be an amputation of your hands. Mothers, let’s teach our daughters and not just give them working tools, but also make them greater worker before they say, ‘I do.’ Women, keep your hands very busy and be involved in all his doing. Family planning education and will writing campaign should start again especially in our rural communities, making them know they can enjoy sex without producing children. Many children at bereavement are more responsibilities for those left behind. Men, as husbands, plan your home from day one to protect your wife and kids in case God forbid, the unplanned happens. You cannot be too sure that your family will do the right thing, but one thing you can be sure of is that the mother of your kids would take care of them with her life.

Widows, if your in-laws rob you, seek redress legally, but don’t make it your profession; you must face front and take responsibility for your life.