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“Once I Overcame Fibroids, I Found Myself Again”- Oyinkan Ogundele

One issue women hardly talk about openly is Fibroid, yet 1 in 3 women suffer from  it.
Oyinkan Ogundele is changing the narrative of silence , as she is encouraging women to speak up, seek help and make them understand Fibroid is not a death sentence
She  is Founder, My Gynae Issues Foundation, a Non-profit organization with the aim of Raising Awareness of Gynae Issues And The Effects On Women – Uterine Fibroids, PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Dysmenorrhea, Pelvic Pain, Stress Incontinence, Vesico Vagina Fistula and More. Oyinkan leads the Administration function at Nigeria’s pre-eminent investment bank, Chapel Hill Denham.
She has over 19 years of experience in Client Service Management, Public Relations, Commercial Accounts Administration, Corporate Communications as well as Administrative Management. She started her career as a Customer Service Manager at a UK Multinational. She also worked in Credit Control and managed international corporate accounts with several Telecoms companies.
 Oyinkan is a 3 time Fibroid survivor. She is a Christian believer and a staunch advocate for women’s health; empowering women to know that Fibroids is a Gynecological condition which can be treated; and it is not a death sentence.
Having survived 4 major surgeries, and like the proverbial cat with 9 lives, Oyinkan is passionate about dispelling the myths and removing the stigma associated with fibroids and other reproductive health issues. Oyinkan holds an MA in Creative Media Arts (New Digital Media) from the London South Bank University, UK and an HND in Mass Communication from Ogun State Polytechnic, Abeokuta. 
She shares her inspiring story exclusively in this interview with Esther Ijewere

 

Growing up
 My childhood was very memorable and fun. I grew up as a very loving, warm and compassionate child. Having lost my father when I was about 4 years old, (that’s a little over 36 years ago now), I heard so many wonderful stories about him. Everyday, I am reminded of how kind and benevolent he was. You know how it feels when random people hear my surname and ask if I am related to the late Dr. OluFunmilayo Osisanya and I would proudly reply: “oh, that’s my father.” What usually followed was praises of my Dad and how kind he was. This truly inspires me to live an impactful life. I remember on one occasion, someone informed me that my father helped restore his eyesight; and this was one of my father’s kind gestures towards him. The man was very excited to tell me about how my Dad had fixed his glaucoma and cataract for free. For some others, my father paid their children’s school fees, etc. He was always rendering acts of  kindness, especially to strangers. Because of my father’s legacy, I am inspired to help other people. I am also fortunate to have the most loving mother anyone can pray for. My mother is always helping others. My grandparents also had a house full of children whom they raised; many of whom were not their biological children. For these reasons, and with the combination of traits inherited from my closely knit family, helping others comes naturally to me.
Inspiration behind My Gynae Issues Foundation
I am a 3 time fibroid survivor. As a result of my experience in dealing with very aggressive fibroids, I developed a penchant for researching into women’s health. I am very passionate about advocating for women’s health matters as well as patients’ rights. I was initially reluctant to talk about my experience. This reluctance was borne out of fear – fear that I would keep growing them, fear that the fibroids may return, especially if they were an ‘affliction’ as this is one myth that is very commonly heard. However, after my 2nd year of finally becoming fibroid free, I summoned up courage to share my story with my friends and family via Instagram.
Subsequently, I started getting responses from people who had received my posts. Soon enough, I started getting referrals – people who wanted me to encourage their friends who had fibroids and had no support whatsoever.
In November 2019, I got invited to a fibroid awareness seminar where I shared my story with a room full of women. The number of ladies who connected with me, who took my number and also reached out to me after the seminar was phenomenal. I couldn’t believe the number of women who like I once did, were battling fibroids and its debilitating effects, but did not have the necessary support system which they desperately needed. Every fibroid sufferer deserves all the support they can get. You can not imagine my ordeal; whilst I did not have anyone to talk to about my symptoms, apart from the doctors who always seemed in a hurry to rush me out of their office/ consultation room. I was a very sorry sight.
July is recognized as the Fibroid awareness month and to commemorate this year’s celebration, I decided to formalize my desire to ensure that our collective voices are amplified louder than fibroids. According to Angela Garbes, in her Heavy Flow Podcast #59, “We have never valued female reproductive health financially, culturally, scientifically… So we do not actually know a whole lot and we fill that void with moralizing theories and value-driven opinions.
On July 1st, 2020, I birthed My Gynae Issues Foundation – a platform dedicated to Raising Awareness of various Gynaecology Conditions and their Impact on Women’s Health. Some of these conditions include: Uterine Fibroids, PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Pelvic Pain, Pelvic Inflammation, Dysmenorrhea, Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), Pre-Exacerbation, Period Stigma/Period Poverty, Vesico Vagina Fistula and many more.
For me, the month of July started on a very good note. Apart from it being the Fibroid awareness month, I am especially grateful for many reasons. Let’s just say in summary that I am happy about my present status. I am 💯% Fibroid Free and also can now wear whites. Do you know how exciting that is for me? If you don’t, I will share some insight on this.
For over 12 years (2005 to 2017), I did not own a single white clothing; not one underwear, towel, bedsheet, or you name it. This was not because I was too lazy to wash my whites; rather, I thought it was just pointless wearing white coloured clothes which oftentimes got soiled with patches of red. No matter how white the fabric was when I purchased it, it soon changed colour. I was constantly seeing red as a result of excessive bleeding during my monthly period that I actually developed a special dislike cum phobia for the colour red.
Thankfully, that era is now over and I now gladly/boldly buy and wear whites even during my periods. I do this without the fear of spilling blood all over the place. I also do not mind wearing red items of clothing, etc. In fact, I own a few white as well as red dresses and I have been rocking them well since I got rid of the horrible fibroids. I am indeed thankful that I can wear white. I implore you to raise your glasses for a toast
The Journey so Far
 The journey to becoming fibroid free was long, painful and tiring. Having suffered from the severe effects of having multiple fibroids, I sometimes feel like I am qualified to liken myself to the woman who the Bible in Luke 8:43-48 describes as the woman with the issue of blood. She was one whose name was unknown, rather, she was defined by her condition.
Of course, there was a huge difference between my story and that of the woman with the issue of blood. I do not know the cause of her condition; all we know is that she bled every day continuously for 12 years. However, she had the determination of a survivor. In my case, I had fibroids which caused me excessive/heavy bleeding a few days every month for about 12 years; but unlike the woman with the issue of blood, I did not bleed everyday.
Can you imagine this woman’s plight. Her ordeal was quite pathetic. The Bible said she spent all she had, visiting many physicians yet she didn’t find a cure for her ailment.
She must have been ostracized because of her condition. She may have lost her friends/family. Clearly, there would have been no sexual intimacy with her husband if she was married. Also, because it happened in the time of Jesus Christ, we know that she lived in the era of the old testament.This means, she would not have been allowed into Church because of her bleeding. At the time, women who had a period were considered unclean during their periods. This means that she must have lacked spiritual mentorship and fellowship. If she could not go to Church, how did she strengthen her Christian faith?
How do you think this woman coped? She was a real survivor. She meditated with strong belief in her heart that if she could touch the hem of Jesus’ garment, she would be made whole. Thank God for the healing Jesus who eventually set her free from her affliction! This is my story and I share it, so that other women do not have to go through what I went through.
Once I overcame fibroids, I found myself again. I now boldly share my story to help other women. I speak up because every woman deserves the right to good quality medical treatment of their Gynae conditions. No longer can we bear for our symptoms to be gaslighted. Our voices must be heard and I know that we can only be loud enough if we raise our voices in unison. I stand for fibroid awareness and patients’ advocacy. July is Fibroid awareness month, and my goal is to reach 30,000 women, encouraging them to share their stories and get the right treatment option. I ask you to please stand with me. Together, we will stand tall against fibroids.
19 years in the corporate world, and managing Fibroid too
Fibroids negatively impacted my physical emotional and mental well-being. With fibroids, it was often very difficult for me to concentrate at work. I was always taking time off work to attend hospital appointments and subsequently was away from work for about 2 months each time I had a surgery. With fibroids, I had excessive bleeding which often made me severely anaemic with attendant consequences, including tiredness, low self esteem, mental/ emotional stress, depression and I was a shadow of my former healthy self.
I was not able to perform optimally at work because it seemed like my life revolved around my periods. I could have  built up my blood the month before and as soon as I had my next period, the quality of my blood would deplete so quickly (in less than 30 minutes) and it was like a the vicious cycle. I was just so grateful to have been able to at least hold down a job. If I did not have fibroids, I would probably be in senior management in my career by now. Be that as it may, I want to say a special thanks to the management of my current employment. My CEO was very supportive and made it possible for me to manage my health and maintain work life balance as much as possible. Thanks to Mr. Bolaji Balogun, CEO, Chapel Hill Denham. His support meant a lot to me.
My 3 times survivor journey with fibroids
It’s a very long story, but I will provide a summary. Shortly after I had my 2nd open myomectomy surgery, to remove Uterine Fibroids, I realized that the treatment method which both of my doctors had used was not at all sustainable.
I had been placed on an injection in the family of the Gnrh Analogue medication (Zoladex/Lupron injection). The aim of the injection was to shrink the fibroid tumors. After 3 injections, I noticed that my stomach became very flat, thereby giving me a false belief that the fibroids had disappeared, but the excitement was soon short-lived. As soon as I stopped taking the injections, the fibroids which had been successfully shrunk would then grow back to their original size. The Doctors still scheduled me for surgery despite my seemingly flat stomach and extracted mostly the big/visible fibroids.
At the time of surgery, some of the fibroids were either too tiny to be noticed; they were negligible, because of their small size. The disadvantage of leaving some tiny fibroids behind was that they potentially grew back to the original size which they were before the drug was asministered. This was what happened to me. After a successful surgery, the Doctor closed me up and sent me home only for the fibroids to grow back within 6 weeks post surgery.
This experience was quite painful. I also recall having a regrowth of fibroids after an incidence of self medication with the drug clomid. In my opinion, the fibroids grew because I took the drug without the supervision of my Gynaecologist. The leaflet made reference to the need for a gynae doctor’s supervision, especially for anyone who had a history with fibroids. I share this point in order to highlight the dangers of self medication. Apparently, the drug is capable of fuelling fibroid growth and like I mentioned, this point was stated in the leaflet contained in the medication, which I dismissed. I thought: what were the odds that I would experience that effect?!
After this particular experience, I realized that it was extremely expedient that I got actively involved in my own care. I decided that I would have a good understanding of the condition which had plagued me for so long. I was no longer willing to be the Doctor’s Guinea pig. I could not bear to be their experimental one so started researching on fibroids to understand the trend of its regrowth. I also put an ear out to find the most experienced fibroid specialist as I only wanted the best hands to look after me. I encourage everyone out there, do not choose a doctor at random, rather, research and due diligence should be employed to find a qualified doctor.
Once I found my doctor, (I chose a Nigerian Doctor who was trained in the UK, but practices in Nigeria. I think that the fact that a Doctor has seen many women with large fibroids is a prerequisite for understanding the dynamics of the condition. Please note that doctors who practice medicine in African countries are better with treating fibroids as they tend to see and treat more indigenous women who present with fibroids. They have this advantage over Doctors who practice in other parts of the World, especially in the West. We know that women of black origin are more likely to have and grow bigger/multiple fibroids.
 Highlighting  the high incidence of maternal mortality & Supporting Families In need
I am not a Catholic but I was born at Sacred Heart Hospital in Lantoro, Abeokuta. I have heard many good testimonies about that hospital and I thank God for the initiative and the continued ideals by the Management. But for the expertise and dedication of the nurses and midwives in this hospital, my Mother could have become a victim of maternal mortality when I was born in 1979. My Mother had pre-eclampsia (a condition that affects many pregnant women). I was told that but for the timely intervention of competent midwives at that hospital, she would have died and my fate may have been unlikely as well.
It saddens me to note that almost 41 years after, in 2020, Nigerian women are still dying like chickens as a result of what should otherwise have been seen as ‘minor’ ailments like pre-eclampsia, oedema in pregnancy, high & low blood pressure, placenta previa, to name a few but the list goes on!
Why would a woman scheduled for a Caesarean Section (CS) not wake up after having anaesthetics administered to put her to sleep? Why can’t Doctors offer women an elective CS when they see that the mother or child is in danger? Women do not die needlessly in the UK. Even Libya had a fantastic health care system before Ghadaffi’s exit. Why can’t we get our priorities right in Nigeria?
Why can’t Churches begin to stand up and declare war against maternal mortality in Nigeria? The high incidence of maternal mortality & morbidity in Nigeria is unacceptable and I stand to challenge Pentecostal Churches who are more interested in buying private jets and building Churches at every nook and cranny of Nigeria. Why can’t these Churches be proactive to extend their benevolence into building one Maternity Centre for every 10 branches of the Church (I will not mention any denomination, but there are many of them out there).
We all know that more than half of the congregants of these Churches are Women; majority of whom are there in search of solution to their ‘childless’ status. If the Church can pray for Women to become blessed with the fruit of the womb, why can’t the same Church be interested in the care of the pregnant woman and ensure her safe delivery. Afterall, the miracles of Jesus Christ as seen in the Bible were sustainable miracles, they were not short lived.
Permit me to say that not all cases of maternal mortality is as a result of lack of prayer, but as a result of lack of adequate care or its neglect. I want to declare WAR on maternal mortality in Nigeria and I am looking for like minded people to stand up with me to fight this good cause. Are you willing to stand for this cause too?  Together, I hope that we can stop the trend of sad/avoidable deaths of pregnant women in Nigeria. I know that Maternal mortality is not the only issue we have in Nigeria but it is one that needs to be addressed ASAP. This is a CALL FOR ACTION! The International Day of Maternal Health and Rights is celebrated on April 11th. Every time I see a reminder on this date, a desire to make a change (no matter how little) is stirred within me. Eradicating Maternal mortality is indeed a cause after my heart. I will not stop speaking until something is done. So help me God!
Advocating for a cause women are silent about
ANSWER: According to Angela Garbes, in her Heavy Flow Podcast #59, “We have never valued female reproductive health financially, culturally, scientifically… So we do not actually know a whole lot and we fill that void with moralising theories and value-driven opinions.
Because fibroids are rarely talked about, there are a lot of misconceptions, myths, and stigma associated with it and other related gynnae issues.
For instance, women have been conditioned to think that pain which is often associated with many gynae conditions should be endured. We have been taught that painful periods are normal but to be honest, it is not. African women are of the belief that painful periods will subside when women start bearing children, but that is far from true. Painful periods may be signs of a condition called endometriosis which studies have shown that 1 in 10 women suffer from, globally.
In the same vein, doctors have not been able to tell us the exact causes of fibroids; yet, we hear all sorts of old wives tales about the causes of fibroids. Some school of thought say the womb is designed to carry a child and if a child is not put in the womb during a woman’s active reproductive years, the womb automatically fills the vacuum with fibroids and other unusual growths.
 3 women who inspire you to be better and why
Late Mrs. May Ellen Ezekiel Mofe Damijo. She inspired me to study Mass Communication and like her, I wanted to be a TV presenter, talk show host and seasoned journalist. Unfortunately, she was cut short in her prime. She died as a result of complications from a fibroid surgery.
Late Ms. Kathryn Khulman – She inspires me to continue to desire a deep fellowship with the person of the Holy Spirit.
Mrs. Ibukun Awosika is a Christian and a high flying business mogul/executive. She is a godly example of a family oriented as well as a career woman. She is a woman of rubies.
Please, permit me to add my mother to this list. She will be the 4th woman who inspires me to be selfless and a strong one irrespective of life’s challenges.
Being a Woman of Rubies
My passion, tenacity and strong desire to be a positive change agent in my generation makes me a woman of immense worth. Women of rubies rock!
Objectives of  My Gynae Issues Foundation are:
1. Creating awareness for various gynaecology/health conditions which affects women.
2. Providing support for women as they walk through their gynae issues.
3. Partnership with organisations who have a CSR budget, in order to get subsidised hospital/health care costs for women’s gynaecology conditions.
4. Provision of funding for patients who have a life threatening gynae related condition, but cannot afford to pay for their treatment options.
5. Advocacy for Patients’ rights.
Contact us via:
Instagram: @MyGynaeIssues, @LadyOyinO
Facebook: My Gynae Issues

 

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Zainab Aliyu, The Nigerian Lady Who Was Rescued After Being Wrongly Jailed In Saudi Arabia, Completes NYSC

Zainab Aliyu, the Nigerian lady who was wrongly jailed in Saudi Arabia for carrying drugs she had no knowledge of, and rescued with the intervention of ?President Muhammadu Buhari, has completed the National Youth Service Corps, NYSC.

Shortly after she was released and returned to Nigeria, Zainab began the mandatory 1-year NYSC exercise and she just passed out with the latest batch.

Abike Dabiri-Erewa, the chairman of the Nigerians in Diaspora Commission, NiDCOM, celebrated Zainab after she completed her NYSC.

Dabiri-Erewa shared a picture showing Zainab flaunting her NYSC certificate and wrote: “Remember Zainab Aliyu, wrongly jailed in Saudi for carrying drugs she had no knowledge of, and rescued with the intervention of ?@MBuhari? She just completed her NYSC. We wish Zainab the best as she moves on to great success in life ?@Hajarahhh”, she tweeted.

 

Zainab Aliyu, the Nigerian lady who was rescued after being wrongly jailed in Saudi Arabia for carrying drugs, completes NYSC

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Widows, If Your In-Laws Rob You, Seek Redress Legally- Hope Nwakwesi

Hope Ifeyinwa Nwakwesi is the founder of Almanah Hope, a non-governmental organisation focused on lending a helping hand and giving a new lease of life to Nigerian widows. Though she was widowed early in her marriage, the educational supervisor, author, radio presenter and social entrepreneur, was never deterred in her life’s course. Joining the rest of the world to celebrate this year’s International Widows’ Day, she launched Nigeria’s first Widows’ Database, which seeks to accommodate Nigerian widows, especially those in the rural areas. In this interview with TOBI AWODIPE, she talks about the widows’ protection bill, ending harmful practices against widows and why men must begin to take family planning and will writing more seriously.

You recently organised an event in Nigeria to mark the International Widows Day (IWD), how did it go?
It went well. We had Her Excellency, Dr Aisha Buhari as the Special Guest of Honor, with the Minister of Women Affairs, Dame Pauline Tallen, as the host. We also had notable speakers such as the UN Women Country Representative, Comfort Lamptey, the media and other notable stakeholders and speakers. Pauline Tallen launched the Nigerian Widows Database, as Comfort Lamptey confirmed the parameters required in the data collection. We discussed the need for the widows’ protection bill and the importance of amplifying these issues and works.

Tell us about the database, how would that benefit widows?
The Nigeria widows’ database initiative came up during this pandemic. As we all know, the effects of the lockdown affected so many especially widows whose source of income are predominantly from daily sales. I have many widows on my phone, seeking for assistance even from other states. I remember seeing some government agencies on Twitter talking about their palliative actions and I asked for help for my widows, but they didn’t respond to me. I then realised that there’s a need to help ourselves using data so that widows in the rural areas can also benefit. We contacted Women Radio to partner with us as we set out to start the data collection.

One fundamental challenge during the distribution of palliatives was a clear absence of a comprehensive database, including a database for widows in Nigeria. A database will go a long way in direct Federal Government intervention through the Ministry and in the appropriate channeling of much-needed resources to target programmes, demographics and households, thus directly improving the welfare of widows. It will help commissioners and local councils create localised programmes on skill acquisitions and empowerment. Having a database will in time, help widows seek for their own rights from relevant authorities knowing that they will have no excuse of not knowing how to reach them. A demographic database will also help attract international bodies with programmes and facilities as they can easily and directly access them from the data. The psychological effect of being counted is an antidote of the long experience ‘sin of omission.’

How did you get into fighting for the rights of Nigerian widows?
I was widowed young with four young kids between the ages of 4 and eight. It was a painful experience as I had to battle at every side; from harmful cultural practices (though my rites were the basic as the human factor was excluded off mine as I had my liberal and literate in-laws which shunned the vindictive ones) to the social issues. As a widow, my experience was traumatic and a long one. One month after I buried my police officer husband, I came back from the village to the barracks to meet a letter ejecting my children and me from the barracks. Three months later, I went to my office at a police school where I worked as a teacher and saw some people at the notice board. As I went there to see what they were reading, posted on it was my letter of suspension. My legs buckled under me and I fainted. These are just a few examples of the systemic rot that goes on to which millions of women are not speaking about due to fear and shame.

How do we eradicate these harmful practices perpetrated against Nigerian widows?
For last year’s IWD walk, we said we were going to end every widowhood rite that violates women’s dignity; we shared flyers in the streets and markets of Lagos Island and Mainland, Awka and Abuja with our suggested 7 points action which are: Government must pass the law and transmit it to the masses using all channels; Traditional rulers send a letter to every family; use town criers to disseminate the stop order; Religious leaders must talk and preach against these harmful practices; All age-grades meetings must begin to speak against and stop these practices; Schools must inculcate it in the curriculum and enlighten children and youths; Improved media enlightenment and campaign; Posters calling for the end to these practices must be pasted on all women affairs offices, secretariat, Local Government headquarters, primary healthcare and strategic centres; stating it with the place of complaints in English and local languages.

And I add again, organisations, review your CSRs, let your advertising inculcate it; sponsor programmes that address social issues. Imagine a company’s advert and billboards saying, ‘Confiscating a widows property is stealing; report to so and so if you are a victim.’

You have been advocating for the widow’s protection bill, how would this bill protect them?
Yes, Almanah Foundation has prepared and submitted for consideration in the Federal House of Representatives, a bill for an Act to eliminate all forms of repressive cultural practices against widows, provide for the protection of their fundamental human rights and for other matters connected thereto, 2020. This Bill shall be cited as Widows Protection Bill, this is currently in the hand of Hon. Adejoro Adeogun (Akoko South East/South West Federal Constituency), which he promised would be having its first reading in March but was badly affected by the lockdown. I call upon all women and influencers to please partner with us and get this comprehensive protection rights for women passed.

You are also at the forefront of the fight to eliminate violence against women and girls, how far have you gone in that regards?
As a teacher and educational administrator with three daughters and six grandkids, I believe in nipping SGBV in the bud. There’s a subtle downward transmission of these GBV practices from our culture and intentional teaching is required to re-orient our youths. This gave birth to our inter-secondary competition on violence against women and girls in celebration of International Day for Elimination of Violence against Women and Girls through the 16 days of activism from which I produced my second book, Message to the Youth.

Schools are made to decorate the entrance with posters depicting the various forms of this violence and students write articles and poems on them. It has been informative and rewarding these past three years but regrettable, as neither the Women Affairs Ministry nor Education Ministry, which I have constantly approached, found it interesting or a need as I continue to spearhead it alone.

Loss of financial power is a major challenge most widows face, how are you helping them surmount this hurdle?
By mentoring them; start at your level, readjust your lifestyle but don’t destroy yourself. Create a ‘financial hub’ by having multiple sources of income, even if it is to sell sachet water. Change accommodation, schools and whatever if you must begin again at your strength. We’ve supported some with cash and others with the loan, but I’m a great advocate of widowhood not being a charity case. So, it’s better to help them to build up themselves from where they are.

Tell us how your widow cooperative club works, how do members benefit?
We have two types; Esusu, where we contribute and each takes and contributes and shares quarterly, yearly or as the need arises. The second is a partnership business we just flagged off in Enugu, an AHCoOps agricultural business where we buy, produce and sell farm products in partnership.

You often say that until widows’ issues become an integral part of all discussions and actions of gender equality, there will be no equity in the equality, why?
My simple answer will be what transpired between two women and myself. First, I met an educated, widely travelled woman I met after church service one day and gave her a copy of my book A Widow’s Window to buy. She pushed it back to me, saying, “Hold it till I know any widow I can give it to.”

The second encounter, I met a woman two years ago in Abuja, a prominent actor, a one-time political head, a great influencer and a personal assistant to another bigger politician. We sat on the same table at the Women Radio Voice of Women award 2018. I gave her an invitation to The Widows Summit we were having that November. She gave me the invite back, saying she’s not a widow; that’s the attitude of women to widows’ issues from churches, social, family circles and so on. Some people think I’m crazy, but after 26 years as an educationist, I’m not. I have even sent a letter to UN Women asking them to first address the ‘sin of omission’ by changing to ‘International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Widows, Women and Girls’ having identified Day of the Girl Child, International Women’s Day and International Widows Day. Removing them on a day they want to address the violation is an exclusion that makes us invisible.

A lot of people have argued that the Ministry of Women Affairs isn’t doing enough for Nigerian women, what’s your take on that?
Yes and No. Yes, because I’m personally yet to see or hear of a standing project of empowerment to girls, women and widows to which any of this group is benefiting from. Judging from my past experiences of having approached them for most of our programmes that are serious GBV issues, their outright unrest, even as we seek the only endorsement, leaves me bewildered. No, because of the singular act of the present honorable minister of Women Affairs this IWD of her endorsement of the Nigeria Widows Database and her promise to ensure their rights are enshrined. The Ministry of Women Affairs needs to wake up and present a preventive, prosecutive and rehabilitative front; not just in their files, but also in the communities. They should start by sponsoring programmes on GBV education on radios in their various states and create posters and billboards on these issues across their local government communities.

Do you think these women can be better empowered and supported through careers as against just teaching them to make soaps, bread and the likes?
I think that skill acquisition is part of career development, but it is the presentation that is the issue. I’m of the school of thought that says our new norm of empowerment of widows and women must be modified to our former vocational and technical education. University education is great, but we can see the massive unemployment and importation of almost everything we use today. We used to have secondary/technical and vocational schools for both women and men, but they’ve all been abandoned. Proper skill training for young women and girls will help her build a career as she perfects her skill, but ad-hoc empowerment training often does not as she’s not fully equipped. We have a Widows and Women Empowerment Program (WaWEp), a project that will take this training to the widows and women to their space, giving them ample opportunity and time to master one skill and build a career of it; which we’ve already submitted to Federal Ministry of Women Affairs.

How do you think the government and private individuals can lend tangible support to widows?
Government should provide a policy to protect her rights, having identified the absence of a legal framework that is targeted at widows. I personally believe that supporting widows is protecting her rights and providing facilities for her to be independent and not be a liability. An educational scholarship/loan for her children, health insurance, SME loans by government, organisations and individuals can help cushion her struggle as she builds herself with less humiliation and abuse.

How can Nigeria end SGBV against women and girls?
We must go back to the basics, starting from family, schools, media and religion. As parents, we must teach our children from infancy that ability is not gendered sensitive. While the physiological differences must be respected and observed accordingly, abilities are both inherent and can be nurtured for both sexes. Schools must have gender-based education as core and extra curriculum and intentional education of SGBV laws. Last year, walking into one of the schools, a teacher approached me and said, ‘you’re Almanah Hope? I just want to say thank you!’ I asked what for and she said, ‘when I was nominated to prepare our students on the competition, I was angry, asking myself what is this one again. But something I observed between my students changed my perception. An argument ensued between students (a boy and a girl); the girl jumped on the boy and grabbed his collar. Raising his fist high, he dropped it and said, “If not because they said beating is violence, I would have given you the beating of your life.’ The competition was to draw, colour and paste on their school entrance the various activities of violence against women and girls. Imagine that young boy absorbing this teaching intermittently; he will grow with a respectable attitude to the female gender. Media must intensify education and information; Religious bodies must begin to preach an end to SGBV on the pulpit and even in Sunday school classes.

If you could change something for Nigerian women, what would that be?
Our cultural perception of women! The patriarchal society aftermath of ‘she’s a women,’ her ability defined in her sexuality.

Where do you draw inspiration from, how do you stay motivated when things aren’t going the way you want?
My inspiration comes from God and life itself. You see, my life did not go as planned, but I had to walk into the unplanned to get a plan. My motivation comes from my experience and my profession. Yes, I told myself that life would not swallow me as I got up to move and at each difficulty; I pause to say if I survived that I will survive this. When things start going wrong and I seem to see myself in the left, I have learned to walk on the right.

What last words do you want to leave with women reading this that have been inspired by you?
Widowhood is in the life evolution of every woman who says, ‘I do.’ Women are strong forces in families, the ‘Umuada or Ndi nyom’ speak up and take actions. Women, be independent in your dependent; love and respect your man, but let not your man be your hands so that his death will not be an amputation of your hands. Mothers, let’s teach our daughters and not just give them working tools, but also make them greater worker before they say, ‘I do.’ Women, keep your hands very busy and be involved in all his doing. Family planning education and will writing campaign should start again especially in our rural communities, making them know they can enjoy sex without producing children. Many children at bereavement are more responsibilities for those left behind. Men, as husbands, plan your home from day one to protect your wife and kids in case God forbid, the unplanned happens. You cannot be too sure that your family will do the right thing, but one thing you can be sure of is that the mother of your kids would take care of them with her life.

Widows, if your in-laws rob you, seek redress legally, but don’t make it your profession; you must face front and take responsibility for your life.

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Meet The Founder Of Oye Ebony Beauty Emporium

i, I’m Oye and I’m the founder of Oye-Ebony Beauty Emporium. I started Oye-Ebony in 2014 as a side hustle while working as a Customer Care Executive with a Telecommunications company in Nigeria. I wanted an additional source of income but also realized how the women in the call center cared less about how they looked. I also noticed I always got a lot of good compliments about how I look and that’s how I became their beauty plug. I started a blog where I shared beauty tips and did some reviews on beauty products that I come across and love too.

We live in a time where people think the most expensive products are the most effective but I know that’s not true. I’ve been in the beauty industry for almost 7years and it’s made me realize that women need guidance to help make the right beauty choices. Our online Beauty Consultant is available to make every shopping experience easy. I launched this e-commerce site to showcase the best and affordable local and international beauty brands for beauty enthusiasts on a budget but the vision is bigger than that.
Oye-Ebony Beauty Emporium is committed to helping women prioritize inner beauty while they shop for products to enhance outer beauty. True beauty is not only about one’s appearance to the outside world but how you feel inside.

Welcome to Oye-Ebony Beauty Emporium- Beauty is in you…

THE STORY

Oye-Ebony Beauty Emporium is an e-commerce platform, focused on trendy and pocket-friendly local and international beauty products. The platform is the destination for an amazing range of exciting and effective beauty brands (Local and International). The Nigerian beauty industry is filled up with skincare and hair care brands that are undiscovered locally and we want this platform to showcase them.
Founded in 2014, Oye-Ebony Beauty started as a mobile and Instagram store catering for beauty enthusiasts on a budget.
“Outer beauty attracts, but inner beauty captivates” – Kate Angell

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“I Created The HERfessions App for Women Who Want To Flee Abusive Relationships- Osasumwen Edobor

One of the many reasons why women stay in abusive relationships is due to  lack of information on where they can go, where to report, and how to leave without “Poking the bear”. The pandemic has in no little way birth an epidemic of incessant cases of Rape and Domestic Violence. A situation that is fast becoming the order of the day, with different hashtag trends to help bring it to the fore.

Osasu Edobor is one of the women on the frontlines advocating for victims of Domestic Violence, and using her voice and resources where it matters.

Osasu is a social development expert with over twelve years’ experience as a gender advocate infusing new media and technology to propagate gender inclusion. She is the Curator of HERFESSIONS mobile app, an anonymous online platform for survivors of sexual violence to access resources, group support, information and ultimately a community to work-out the journey to recovery.

She holds a Master’s degree in Managerial Psychology from the University of Lagos, a 2016 African American Institute Scholar with a certificate in Social Sector Management from the Enterprise Development Centre of the Pan Atlantic University, Lagos, and also a 2018 Mandela Washington Fellow with a certificate in Civic Leadership from Rutgers University, the state of New Jersey, USA.

She previously worked as the Programme Director of the Bimbo Odukoya Foundation where she facilitated the provision of GBV intervention schemes such as a temporary safe house for survivors of Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse, and gender responsive programming for young people. Prior to full switch into the development space, she worked in Media and Advertising producing family content and branding, whilst volunteering with numerous non-profit organization.She is versatile, exploring the boundaries of social development via her organization. She shares her Inspiring journey and recent feat with Esther Ijewere in this exclusive Interview.

Childhood Preparation

I grew up in a family of 5 girls and an only brother, my father despite wanting a boy or two didn’t spare us. We did everything a man would do around the house, it did not help that he was an Engineer, so we lived by the rule Maintenance culture. This however was a huge contrast to what we saw in extended family. It toughened me, to see family members, being victimized. The high point of growing up was watching my mother turn her biology lectures to sexual reproductive health conversations and continually counselling girls my age and building self esteem in as many as sought her help in our neighbourhood.

HERfessions support group

Inspiration behind HERfessions

I had run a shelter for domestic violence and sexual violence survivors and for the women it was a great concern that we couldn’t maintain therapy for them, as it became next to impossible to get them to come back physically.  We thought that by providing an online platform of engagement, It minimized the physical movement, helped to build a community for much needed support

The Journey so far

It has been rewarding, fulfilling and hectic all wrapped in one. Whilst one delights in the increased awareness, and heightened knowledge of self worth in Women, the lags of poor enforcement of law makes seeking Justice the path of a rabble rouser, which is a cape I wear proudly.

Working in different sectors across board, and pitching my tent in the GBV sector

Indeed, with my career start in Media, I saw that the Women were portrayed continually as objects of enjoyment instead of human beings capable of great things. Pivotal to my switch was a volunteer training I involved myself with in the Makoko axis of Lagos, despite it been an empowerment initiative, I found I engaged with quiet a number of battered women, who were helpless and lacking in knowledge of how to pursue Justice.

That spurred me to build a career in Non profit management with a huge focus on Gender based Violence, despite having held jobs that spoke to Civic Education, Sexual Reproductive Rights, Education, Health to name a few.

 Being a fellow of different development organisations

As an avid knowledge seeker, two fellowships stand out for me. At the Enterprise Development Center, Of the Lagos Business School, were I partook of The Social Sector Management, and most recently as 2018 Mandela Washington Fellowship, a exchange program facilitated by the US Government for young exceptional African leaders.  These fellowships opened a network of people, resources and allies, whilst also ensuring I garnered skill that were best practice.

HERfessions helping to nab  an abusive man

Indeed it was a great achievement for us as an organisation. The perpetrator in a brazen act had beat up his spouse and posted on a social media bragging about the ability of the police to effect an arrest against him. been the tool that social media is it received a lot of attention, as well as the speedy intervention of the state. He was charged to court and the legal process of ensure the safety of the survivors is still underway.

Nigerians knowledge of the GBV Sector

We have a long way to go in first domesticating the laws that will protect women and girls across the country, and a longer road to change the narrative and culture of impunity towards women. Whilst some states have done extensive work, there is need to ensure the advocacy done is implemented through laws institutionalization and enforcement. As a Country, we need to begin to engage all facets of endeavor to change the narrative attached with to rape, domestic violence or sexual violence in general. Sexual Violence is perpetuated in any environment where there is power. We must ensure we have systems that can check power, be it at the office, church, mosque, market, home, school, or community. We must engage the media (with special reference to Africa Magic) to tell better stories, tell corrective stories that can shape a culture of zero tolerance to Gender Based Violence.

 

Why I created the HERfessions App

The HERfessions mobile app is a great resource for women and girls available on playstore. It is an anonymous platform to receive support and find help to deal with all forms of sexual violence, available on playstore now.

– Also in commemoration of the June 19th (elimination of sexual violence in conflict) and the recent epidemic of several rape killings on your girls, we have through out Cast project launch a series to address men with the hashtag #menchangingthenarrative series.

Challenges as an Advocate

People’s general assumptions of you been a rabble-rouser , particularly as a young woman, one continual contends with people who do not value the work been done. the greatest really is the ingrained culture in women who do not believe when issues escalate, the governments help can be sort via the Police.  Asides this, the grave challenges of systemic failure in pursuing justice, is a sad tale every advocate can attest to. Finally, justice comes at a great cost. We need structures that make leave abusive situations easy. structures like Shelters, Half-way homes, Cost of therapy, and legal fees, Whilst Advocates continually gives this services at no cost to the Survivors, there are huge cost, that most offset, for justice( and healing) to be served. It is my earnest appeal that individuals begin to make it a part of their life style to support a charity with Donations or volunteer their time or skill for social good. I must reiterate it is rewarding work.

Being a mental health advocate, counselor, Convener of  an inspiring platform and managing it all

Contrary to what people say, you can’t have it all. I didn’t start on this journey today, it’s  been over a decade of building my work, harnessing low hanging fruits, and just doing work that I love. I can be described as a multi-potentialite, which comes with it nuances of creativity outburst and continual personal critiquing. I live by two personal philosophies –  To thyself be true and live one day at a time. I am not under any pressure to impress or shine, I do what i set out to do and I pace myself always.

What I have found works is –  do you genuinely, peace always follows. I am not in competition with anyone.

Other projects and activities

The Intersection of my work is Gender based violence, with a great link to mental health because there is a great need for .  We however use the medium of technology and new media to deliver our messages. With the HERfessions App, it was us anticipating difficulty in movement of survivors due to varying reasons (which was foresight considering the COVID-19 pandemic). Our services also include engaging survivors physically through the TEHILA series, a replica of the conversations on the mobile app.Via new media, we use our social media platforms to push narratives that empower the woman via our storytelling mediums. It is our belief that to change the culture of silence, we must subliminal affect the minds of our community via its music, movies, and entertainment. This gave rise to our CAST project- a commissioned theatrical performance we use to teach and educate in public domain such as markets, Malls, and gatherings.

Being a  Woman of Rubies   

Primarily I am passionate and dogged in my belief that women can be better and treated better. Women must believe in themselves enough to thrive and collaborate

Vital nuggets for the Girl child during the Pandemic

The conversations have always been screwed to what girls should do, whilst that is both responsible and one-sided, I would add that girls need to invest in protective skills and gadgets. Learn how to defend yourself, own a pepper spray. In addition I would like to address the men folk and say ; NO is a full sentence. Self-control is achievable.

To women afraid to walk away from abusive relationships

Walk away, you will find help. I found that for advocacy to work, we must continually repeat one message. You are worth of love, Let yourself Live, so Leave.

Women who Inspire me to be better

Michelle Obama

Prof. Dora Akunyili

Leymah Gbowee

Kindly download the App Here HERfessions App

 

 

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Esther Ijewere: 6 Effortless Ways To Show Love To Yourself

Living life is a constant work in progress for each person, but that doesn’t mean that you should get so caught up that you neglect showing yourself love. Break down the walls preventing you from self-love, and enrich your life. Here are 6 ways I have learnt to show myself love, you should try it too.
1. Tell Yourself What You Love About Yourself
Many times, we get caught up in everything around us that we forget to remind ourselves just how awesome we are. Our own disappointment, acceptance, patience, and love that we have for ourselves will always reflect what we show others.
2. Accept Imperfection
One of the most worthwhile things that we can do for ourselves is to give up on being perfect, and start the journey to become our true selves. The best part of that journey is to return to feeling peace within ourselves. This peace comes from training your mind to process life as it actually is, rather than what you think it should be.
3. Know That the Approval of Others Doesn’t Matter
Oftentimes people greatly value having the approval of others, even when it isn’t clear exactly what would gain their approval.You should instead focus on doing what is right for your own self, disregarding what others will think. You do not need anyone’s permission to be happy.
4. Bring Distance Between Yourself and Those Who Bring You Down
Worry less about the people in your life that are not worrying about you. You should surround yourself with those who inspire you, respect you, love you, and support you.
5. Make the Changes You Know Are Necessary
When you know that you want to see changes in your life, you will need to do things that you’ve never done before. Aim to stay away from the things that tear you down, and gravitate toward the things, activities and thoughts that fulfill you in the way that you want.
6. Let Go of Your Past Self
A part of life is that good people like you will sometimes make bad choices. Sure, past mistakes make up who you are today, but they do not define you. It is never too late to move on from them – dwelling will only lead to hurt.

“Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children. 

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Twitter & IG : @Estherijewere

LinkedIn: Esther Ijewere

Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

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I wish people will look at me with admiration, not pity,when I Introduce myself as a Teacher- Aramide Akintimehin

Education is improving the lives of others and leaving your world or community better than you found it. This is one of the major roles Teachers play, they affect eternity, and no one can determine where their influence stops. With the Global pandemic, Parents are beginning to see the value of these wonderful humans who not only teach our kids but influence them to be better.

Aramide Akintimehin is one of such souls, she is adding colour to the world by dedicating her life and time to teach primary school pupils.

She earns a living as a primary school teacher while running a free out-of-school children Initiative called; Talent Mine Academy. A journey she embarked on because of the poor quality of education in public schools.

In the course of imparting knowledge in children, Aramide also said she learns from them, and it has become a two-way learning curve.

The first-class degree holder in Economics is very passionate about her chosen career path, she shares her inspiring journey and the effect of Covid19 on Teachers and students in this mind blowing interview.

Childhood Preparation

Growing up as a child, I really loved to teach. I remember running home every day after school to arrange 7up bottles in my house like a classroom and I would literally start to teach them what my teacher had taught me in school for the day. At some points, I would arrange them for presentations and begin to sing and dance with them. As I progressed to secondary school and even higher institution, I explained difficult concepts to my classmates and even took mini-tutorials on Sundays, It has always been my dream to teach since I was 6 years old.

Being a Primary School Teacher

Fabulous! I am doing what I love and the level of joy and fulfillment I get from seeing my kids grow into responsible champs keeps me motivated always.

Talent Mine Academy

As a teacher, I went out of school one day during the break period and on my way out, I noticed some kids roaming the streets during school hours. I called two of them and we had a conversation because I really wanted to know why they weren’t in school at that time. They both stated that their parents did not have enough money to send them to school. This bothered me much because education has played a major role in my life and I see no reason why a child should be denied this life-changing experience.

This is the major reason why I started a free academy where out-of-school children and kids cannot afford quality education are equipped with basic literacy, numeracy, and digital skills. Also, we empower their parents economically with vocational and entrepreneurial skills so that they can sustain their families. We currently have 26 kids and I would with 20 amazing volunteers, and we hope to be established in 7 communities; impacting over 3000 kids by 2024.

Appreciation of Young Female Teachers  in the Society

Hmmm! One day, I hope that when I introduce myself as a teacher, people will look at me with admiration and not with pity or as a failure.

The effect of Covid-19 on the educational sector and the role of Parents

I advise that this period, parents should rather impact their kids with the basic life skills they need to thrive in life. They should teach their kids simple courtesy, computer skills and so on. They should work on improving their thinking skills, creativity level, problem-solving skills and most importantly, they should leverage on this period to spend quality time and build a solid relationship with their kids.

Post Covid19 effect on Student

The severity of the school closure will affect kids in low-income communities the most because of the interrupted learning system and high economic costs of living they are currently facing. I’ve spoken to some of my kids during this period and they’ve stated how hard things are as their parents do not work anymore.

The lack of access to the internet and technological devices will prevent these kids from learning at the comfort of their homes like the privileged kids are doing at the moment. The closure can also influence the behavioral patterns of the kids as most of them are not exposed to the relatives and family members that constantly abuse them and influence them negatively.  I can just imagine how Aliyat (one of my kids who her brother constantly calls a dullard) will feel about herself and academics when she resumes. Will that kind of child be open to the belief that she can solve difficult concepts with that mindset block?

Asides from the interruption in learning, these kids are also deprived of the growth and development in terms of social skills that they derive from being present in a school environment. Parents can never replace teachers in this case as they do not have the knowledge and expertise to be a competent teacher for their kids as they might not know the learning needs of the child.

However, being deprived of all these development factors the school offers, the students will be affected one way or the other after the resumption of schools.

Challenges as a Teacher & Social Entrepreneur

I see challenges as opportunities and learning curves so, at the moment, I really cannot recall any challenge I am currently facing in my work.

Other projects and activities

My next project is to provide Post-Covid-19 support to the parents and kids of Talent Mine Academy. We hope to restock their food items after this pandemic is over because, after the lockdown, they might not have any food items left as most of them had to stop working and might not have any money after the lockdown. I would have to fundraise to do this but I believe it is worth it because the initiative will support their families pending the period they recover fully from the economic impact of the pandemic.

To the Government and Education System

The Covid-19 didn’t affect the education system in some countries and even some schools right here in Nigeria were not too affected because they already had a pre-existing system/structure they could fall back to- technology. Before now, they had already leveraged technology to aid learning and support remote learning, so this was not really a big issue for them. However, there are currently no low-cost schools or public schools that are running at the moment because there is no system or structure to fall on during this period. I believe that all schools including public schools should focus on embracing technology and creating a system where remote learning can take place easily.

Technology is the future of education and the best part is that education is actually the future of any country. The education system should introduce more learning models to build the resilience of the education system against times like this. I believe that this cannot happen without the government investing more in the education system as against the less than  26 percent allotted to the sector.

Being a Woman of Rubies

Sometime last year, I studied the Rubies and I noticed that people pay millions of dollars just to acquire what looks enticing outside but they do not know the content inside that gemstone. The bible describes a Proverbs 31 woman as one worth more than rubies because she is virtuous and capable.

Being virtuous is an inner quality. The dictionary puts it as one who has high standards, character or values.

However, being capable is an external quality which means that you have the ability to do something. You have various skill sets and abilities. If you agree with me, one cannot have a skill set or know how to do something without learning it and you must be willing to learn something before you can actually devote time and resources to learning it. So when you find someone that is capable— one that knows how to do a lot of things (making hair, sewing, cooking, makeup and so on), that person has taken time to learn because he/she is willing. So it is willingness to learn that makes one capable.

The combination of being virtuous (inner glow) and capable (outer glow) is what makes me have more worth than rubies. I believe that I am a woman of so much character, values and standards and I am worth much more than my external view. I would rather glow from the inside out because, beyond beauty and appearance, good character truly makes you attractive. Though I am not perfect, my commitment to learn and be better at being me daily is beyond words and I am grateful to God for that spirit.

3 women who inspire me to be better

Funmilola Oluwalade

Ibukun Awosika

Grace Amoka

To young women who want to become Teachers

The only thing I have to say is that “Until the day you care less about money and the opinions/actions of people, you will never live the life God has called you to live”. You are really self-sabotaging yourself and the destinies tied to you. Become fearless and soar— The education sector needs you and trust me, it is a worthy profession. Now and always!

 

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“I aspire to be a role model as an artist” – Fagbenro Christiana Boluwatife

Fagbenro Christiana Boluwatife, best known as Tife Chris, is a young creative studying Geology at Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago Iwoye, Ogun State. She hails from Ado Odo-Ota, Ogun State. Tife started making art at a very early age of 5, but she developed deep interest at the age of 18 when she learnt how to draw using pencils and started using oil colours. Her passion for Art went deeper when she discovered the beauty in it and not just beauty, but also a way of expressing oneself. She’s a Christian, a lover of science and very active in sports in the likes of swimming and basketball. She shares her Art to the world through stage painting, writing, music and poetry, she is also an active volunteer and a member of few NGOs that aim at making positive impact to the lives of others. Tife reminds me of my years as an undergraduate, her passion and tenacity is unwithered and it’s very reflective in her work and ambience. She shares her journey with me in this exclusive Interview.

Childhood Preparation
MY childhood didn’t prepare me for what I do now, although it played a huge role due to the fact that I was very creative at that stage. I started painting and using watercolours at a very young age but I never for once saw myself doing what I’m doing today. I did those things for fun and never expected them to be a huge part of my life. Growing up was quite interesting and, as a normal child, I have both good and bad memories. I grew up in a strict and competitive environment where everyone had to meet certain standards. There was no one to share my thoughts or emotions with, so I learned to develop myself even when there was no one to talk to. This has made me active in few NGOs so I could give to the society what I couldn’t get. It wasn’t always easy and I got to learn from challenges.

My passion for Art
I wasn’t directly inspired to go into Art, truly, science has been my passion since childhood. I’ve always wanted to be a medical doctor, to help people, that’s where my passion came from. I loved to see people heal, get better. And I never for once thought of going into Art, so nothing could inspire me to venture down the world of Art.

I can only say God made a turn of events to make me see what I was completely oblivious to. At a stage in my life where science wasn’t responding, I was forced to look at the bright side of Art. And since then I’ve been falling deeper in love with Art, all dimensions of it.

My Artistic Journey
I thank God for the journey so far, it’s been wonderful, even though there have been lots of challenges especially due to the fact that I studies a different field from Art, finances as a student and the fact that I ultimately have to balance up my academics first before anything else. I’ve had experiences with lessons I know would be very useful even after I graduate.

Balancing School with Art
That dexterity has been a natural part of me, human beings are very dynamic and when we put our minds to something, no matter how diverse or colossal it may be, you’ll be done with it before you know it. Timing is also very important even though I find it hard sometimes to meet up within the appropriate time, going for lectures at the right time, going to church, creating time for art and writing, meeting up with basketball practice and guitar lessons, time to study, taking few hours to swim and sacrificing time for rehearsals. As long as I have a mental timetable and I try not to overwork myself while creating a compulsory time to rest, by God’s grace I’m able to do just fine.

My Aspiration
The first is to be a successful Artist. Let the world realise your talents can make you stand out. I would also love to travel the world and explore all forms of Art. I really have a lot to learn, I go on the internet and discover lots of amazing works from different artists. I would love to learn as many forms of Art as I can.

I also hope to own an Art firm with a gallery where everyone can be who they want to be and create ideas, use the beauty of Art to make people’s lives better, to make them heal.

Lastly, I aspire to be a role model as an artist, someone who inspires, an artist people can look up to. I want to be happy both in the outside world and with my family and home.

Three women who inspire me to be better and why
Ms. Esther Ijewere, convener of Women of Rubies, Ruby Girls, Rubies Ink and Walk Against Rape and Benita Nnarchortam, personal photographer /SA to the former governor of Ogun state and co-founder, Kuta Nigeria. And my mother, CEO k2cut fashion. These women have inspired me to be better no matter where you’re starting from, they’ve taught me to sacrifice and I’ve felt the love of a woman from them especially on the Ruby Girls page. I love people who break limits and create new ideas and Benita has really inspired me in that area.

Challenges of being an Artist
Time is my major challenge, meeting up with schedule is very hard and sometimes I have to cancel some events and I’m grateful to HRM, my friends because they help me when they can and cheer me to move on when I seem tired. Managing my craft and handling school has indeed been stressful and sometimes I realise I have just little time to myself.

Funding and equipment has also been a challenge, what’s the use of time without money? Getting school materials and Art materials too. Thank God for my parents, my sister and close friends and the fact that I get commissioned works to support myself with. Also, the environment where I’m based as a student doesn’t give enough exposure and insight into Art, they rarely appreciate Art and sometimes volunteering would be depreciated.

Being a Woman of Rubies
I believe I’m special in my own way. Everyone has that hidden talent in them that makes them stand out and unfolding these talents has made me realise I’m a Woman of Ruby. I can achieve whatever I put my mind to.

Dear Young Women,
It’s never too early to start trying, now is best. Don’t let your present state limit you. The only thing you should be afraid of is not to have a dream. If you have a vision, pursue it!

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“Many people are suffering from depression and anxiety because of Covid-19”– Rinret Gofwan

 – Says Government need to set up Mental health facilities and distress lines as soon as possible….

One of the downsides of the present change the world is experiencing because of the Coronavirus pandemic is the effect it would have on the mental health of so many people globally. Many have never been in situations where they have to stay in one place and not move around. While the social distancing and lockdown is a necessary safety measure to flatten the curve of COVID virus, we also need to create mental safe space for everyone.

Rinret Gofwan shares her thoughts on this. She is a behavioural change therapist, licensed trauma therapist, a certified emotional intelligence coach who specialises in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Advanced Training for Trauma Treatment of complex PTSD, overcoming compassion fatigue with professional resiliency, trauma and addiction.

Rinret is a University of Abuja Trained Communicator and Psychologist from the University of Jos, and a Sociologist From the University of Maiduguri with a Masters in International Relations and Strategic Studies. She is also the founding director at the Miriam Gofwan Women and Children Foundation. She shares her inspiring story while giving us an insight on how coronavirus will affect the mental health of people globally.

Growing up
Growing up as an only child, I was spoilt with everything. Looking back, I was an over-pampered child. My late mum wanted me to have everything life had to offer until she passed on. So at 16 years, I was alone, I didn’t know how to wash my clothes; it was at that moment life welcomed me. I had to start learning and I had to adapt and survive.

Inspiration behind Miriam Gofwan Women and Children Foundation and its impact
I always get this question and I’m always trying to figure out which life lesson to start with.  Is it being accused of witchcraft, being abused and raped or almost losing my life in an accident? All these alongside my near-death experience inspired me to start the organisation. I disconnected from reality and built a personality. I couldn’t face my life as it was, suffered from pain and disassociating (disconnecting-from reality and couldn’t feel anything). I was fortunate to meet my mentors, Innocent and Talatu Usar, who God used to pull me through that phase of my life.

Being a Behavioural Change Therapist, Certified EI Coach, Trained Communicator and managing it all
Well when you are addicted to finding ways to heal, you will stumble into many training. In my trauma healing work, I need to be equipped with the right tools that would help in healing, so I committed myself to learn. You know people respond differently to trauma; what might be traumatic to someone might not be to you. How we react and respond to traumatic events are different. With this in mind, I went into learning and this has helped me understand my clients and knowing what tool to use in any case we have at the Foundation and the wellbeing hub.

What inspired me to start the pan-Nigeria healing room and the wellbeing hub for professionals
You see, the pain has no gender, no religion, no status no tribe, no class. Pain does not choose who feels it, we ALL feel pain; either from losing a loved one, loss of our childhood, abuse of any kind (verbal, emotional and physical) heartbreaks, disappointment, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, accusation or any traumatic experience. We are constantly trying to deal with these emotional issues and staking them side by side.

When emotions are over-staked and thoughts can’t be controlled, we need to devise methods to help. That’s how the Healing Room and the hub for professionals started; to enlighten, help and give professionals a place to go seek for help. The Healing Room became a place we go to sort out all these stacked up emotions, a no-judgment zone where you speak up and get healed. Coming to the healing room to some is like coming for medical checks monthly or weekly. To others, it is like coming to take vaccines to reset their minds; to some, it’s coming for medications in each session. To some, it is a place to support others who are in pain. To some, it is a place to hang out and stay emotionally healthy with proper guidelines.
Above all, it is a place of restoring wholeness for professionals.

Mental health effect of coronavirus pandemic and what can we do as a society to sensitise people
The first thing is to encourage people to stay calm, already I have many clients who are suffering from depression and anxiety because of the situation and we kicked off online group sessions to help them.

The truth is, being isolated is not healthy for people who are not used to such serenity, or people who have had a history of depression. What mental health practitioners can do right now is to start using technology and phone calls to help manage their clients, I have started on my end and I hope many more will go that route. The government would need to leverage on technology to also enable people to get first-hand mental health help online, by providing distress numbers to call. This will make a lot of difference.

Wellness nuggets for women who don’t know how to slam the breaks and detox
You see, mental and emotional wellbeing is an important part of our overall health. Women who are mentally and emotionally healthy are more in control of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Women need to understand how to master their emotions and know how to be balanced in all seven dimensions of wellbeing, which are social, emotional, spiritual, environmental, occupational, Intellectual and physical. Stress is the feeling of being under too much pressure and feeling unable to cope with situations. Women who are constantly affected by stress in different ways end up getting sick and over time, ending up with mental health and physical issues.

Here are some things women can do to help reduce stress, constantly and instantly, over a period time:
Learning how to say NO, breathe; learn to relax your mind and body, try breathing exercises that can calm you down when under stress, exercise, get Spa dates to help release tension. Sleep – try to go to bed and wake up at a good time, laughing to relieve stress, talk- open up to someone you trust about your problems, and surround yourself with people who inspire you.


Challenges of Being a Mental Health Advocate
Mental health stigma, our justice systems, religious believes around mental health issues, funding for the foundation, consistency in following the therapy processes, the high rate of people in rural areas who are not aware of mental health issues, and how poverty has made them turn all issues of mental health to spiritual issues, the deliverance centers where they beat and abuse those with behavioural issues instead of therapy homes and the lack of mental health therapy centers.

 

Other projects and activities
We are currently working with some government agencies to launch and fix our sanitary pad boxes across the country in communities and public schools. We have opened our sanitary bank where we receive sanitary pads for distribution to schools and communities. We are opening more healing room therapy groups in five other states. We designed some trauma-informed course outlines to help schools and organizations. We recently just opened the wellbeing hub in Abuja, where we attend to clients who want private therapy and want trauma-informed trainings and care for their schools and organisations.

What makes you a Woman of Rubies
For me the stone ruby is also believed to protect self and others from negative entities that bring positive energy, promoting spiritual vitality and wellness. Now this describes the woman I have become- a strong woman who has gone through a lot and survived, coming out beautiful, standing strong and helping thousands of men and women. Now, that describes me!

As a counselor of repute and certified Trauma specialist, do you think the Nigerian Government has done enough in the Mental Health sector? If not, what would you suggest they do better?
I believe the government can do more by setting up more mental health facilities and rehabilitation centers; creating awareness around mental health issues and the stigma around it; reforming the justice process in rape cases and how evidence is processed; setting up therapy session and mental health training for our men and women in uniform; creating a safe working environment for women and young girls to speak up, not be shamed and judged; including mental health sessions in our school curriculums, and making sure we have sanitary pads and the boxes hanging everywhere in the country.

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My love for food and Agriculture inspired me to start Teemarkfood – Ibenero Tobiloba

In the past few  weeks, we have witnessed a situation that has not only put the world at a standstill but also affected families and businesses. Many can’t afford to put food on the table as a result of the global lockdown to help contain the virus.

Agro Entrepreneur Ibenero Tobiloba Tolase is helping to alleviate the pain of many by providing them with food and giving them hope through her Teemark Food Company; where she produces and processes raw foods such as (Garri Ijebu, Yam flour and plantain flour).

With support from well meaning Nigerians she’s been able to feed over 200 families in light of the Coronavirus pandemic, as they partner with her to package foodstuff under four thousand Naira to feed each family in a bid to give hope, pending when things go back to normal.

The graduate of Pure and Applied chemistry from Ladoke Akintola University of Technology (LAUTECH) was inspired by her love for Agriculture and passion for food which started when She was young. Tobi loved seeing the smiles on people’s faces when they eat good quality food.

Aside from Agricuulture, Tobi is also passionate about issues ​that affects women and young girls, through her Girlscrib initiative , she  helps sensitise women and teenage girls on the importance of menstrual health. This initiative also distributes sanitary pads to secondary school girls

She is the Creative Director of JEMBRIDALS, a bridal outfit. a one stop bridal shop for traditional wedding and asoebi and also volunteers for PROJECT SMILE, an NGO that reaches out to the orphans all over Nigeria.

She shares her inspiring story in this interview.

Growing up

My childhood was fun and I am glad I had a mother is filled with wisdom and  taught me all I know today, I am the eldest of two children and was trained well in all area not because I am a girl but because I would be a leader some day. One thing that was constant in our home was food to give to friends and families. My mum always told us never look the other way when people around you have nothing to eat and that lesson is what is guiding me till date.

Inspiration behind Teemarkfoods

Good food! My love for food and Agriculture inspired Teemarkfood. One of the ways I feel fulfilled is seeing people have access to quality food and which has been my mantra since I was a child.

Reception since Inception

It is a learning process, but I am grateful to God for wisdom to discern the pros and cons of the business. People have been very supportive and accepting of my initiative.

Support for Female Agropreneurs

Well, we are not there yet but times are changing we will get there eventually. We are not backing down, we will keep pushing till we are are at the front burner and recognised for our efforts as change agents.

Giving hope to those affected by the lockdown

There was a point in my life when we had nothing to eat as a family, it was a very difficult time and with that understanding, knowing that there are families out there who do not have anything to feed on but might be reluctant to ask from friends and families, the next thing I thought of was reaching out to them first.

Effect of the Lockdown and Coronavirus on Agropreneur

Honestly I would say transportation getting the food from one place to the other so people access to it easily, but we are doing our best to give hope and lighten the burden of people, we are also calling on well meaning Nigerians to help alleviate the pain of these people by partnering with us through her platform to feed more people.

Challenges of being an Agro Entrepreneur

Financial challenges: Agro Entrepreneurs not having Access to loans and enough capital to improve and increase the productivity.

Transportation: Government should help reduce charges and fees paid on farm produce that are transported from farm to urban areas

Education: sensitisation of our local farmers on technology and its advantages on agriculture is also very important because it makes the production faster and delivery to consumers quick.

Other projects and activities

I am working on a project called “Girlscrib” this is an NGO for women and teenage girls, the project will help Educate women on menstrual health and also provide sanitary pads to secondary school girls.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I believe I carry greatness within me and I am on a journey to transfer that greatness into each and everyone I come across by spreading love.

To young  women who want to become Agro Entrepreneurs

I would say this first, Trust God to use you as a vessel for greatness, believe strongly in your self and lastly stay focus. When you have these three you become unstoppable.

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