Women of Rubies, Author at Women of Rubies

In lifestyle May 30, 2019 By Women of Rubies

EZIAHA BOLAJI-OLOJO: DEAR STAY-AT-HOME MOM, MAYBE YOU NEED A SOCIAL MEDIA BREAK

In the Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath, the authors prescribed that in creating moments with our kids, we should ask them to plan an entire 24-hour day, and we parents must do everything that has been planned out by them, so long as it is not unsafe, immoral or illegal, of course.

On Children’s Day this year, I decided to ask my four-year-old what he would like to spend his holiday doing, per foods, outings, and activities. He had some great ideas per activities, one of which was following me to the gym. However, the one activity I am sure he truly relished was the cartoon I let him watch for about 45 minutes on YouTube.

You see, I recently completely eliminated screen time from his life. I saw that he was getting addicted to cartoons, and I was beginning to see it affect his concentration levels, especially when it was time to do more serious activities like homework. And I take some blame for it, because I started to relax my grip on really rationing screen time, sometimes allowing him and his one-year-old brother go hours on end from Disney Junior to Nick Junior and Cartoon Network and back.

Every mama knows this is an easy way to get these kids off our backs, especially those who ask questions about everything. Well, I was ready to fix that, and after careful consideration, I decided that a complete elimination at home was best to help me achieve my goal, as opposed to just a reduction or rationing.
As a result, all the cartoon stations were gone, and so were the YouTube privileges on my phone. I figured that when he had lost the taste for it, I could then re-introduce it and ration it brutally.

I saw the effect on his life almost immediately. Oh, of course, he protested at first, but this mama was adamant. Soon he started to adjust, then we filled those hours with other activities like playing outside, playing with toys inside, reading, and writing. Yes, this placed even more demand on my time, but any time I spend investing in my kids and actually training them, without passing the responsibility over to Nickelodeon, is absolutely worth it. I saw his concentration levels increase, and he generally did better work. Recently, he did an assessment examination at a school and he passed brilliantly with As. I also noticed that he asked more intelligent questions, and his love for being read to increased. He was no longer forced to read or listen to me read to him, he would actually request that I read to him daily. Something that should make my friend, Farida Ladipo-Ajayi, who is an advocate for children reading, very happy.

Did I even mention that his very poor attention span had even become a prayer point for me. Seeing that transformation really wowed me (and taught me that, sometimes, my prayers reflect a lack of wisdom already available to me).

So, basically, I cut down on screen time for my son, introduced other beneficial activities to fill the time, and I saw improvements in major areas of his life.

Then I had a déjà vu moment when I actually did the same thing in my own life. My entire 24-hour-day was full of screen time. I hated that I was a stay-at-home mom. It was made even worse with the fact that I was a literal ‘Most Likely to Succeed,’ having made a first class and gotten my dream job with the United Nations, only to lay it all down sacrificially as my new mommy season demanded. With no external schedule placing a demand on my time, I filled it with the screen: TV shows, movies, blogs, social media and more. Then one day I had a brain reset and completely shut down the screen. No movies, TV programs, Instagram, blogs, Facebook or Twitter. I felt cut away from the world, and yes, I did miss some important information, but the world didn’t end. In fact, my own world started to come alive again. My brain started to think up more possibilities and ideas beyond comparing my life to someone else’s. I rekindled my love for reading, and boy, did I read or what?

Our finances also started to do more for us, since I was no longer under the pressure to have what was in vogue on the ‘gram. After all, who misses what they don’t see? In fact, I was so out of tune with most happenings in the social scene that if I took an assessment exam based on that, I would have scored parallel Fs. But guess who was winning in the exams of her personal life? Me.

Ah, those private victories! They also bear public testimonies. In that season, my brain had upgraded to do the kind of deep work that gave me a thriving home-based business, platforms I could never have been on (like BellaNaija), and basically a life that still astounds me with how much fruit it bears.

Just maybe some of us are unable to start, complete or see through that brilliant idea that has been stewing in our brains because of the endless hours we spend online. Just maybe those applications have been getting more rejects than they should because the quality of our work is weak, no thanks to the state of our screen-filled grey matter. Screen time has cost us deep work, which really is the game changer, whether at home or in the corporate world. In fact, this is good place to throw in this quote from Deep Work, a book by Cal Newport I highly recommend:

Deep work is the ability to focus without distraction on a cognitively demanding task. It’s a skill that allows you to quickly master complicated information and produce better results in less time. Deep work will make you better at what you do and provide the sense of true fulfillment that comes from craftsmanship. In short, deep work is like a super power in our increasingly competitive twenty-first century economy. And yet, most people have lost the ability to go deep, spending their days instead in a frantic blur of e-mail and social media, not even realising there’s a better way.

I didn’t know this at the time, but my completely eliminating unnecessary screen time made me do the kind of deep work that has brought me so many results in my life today. Deep work and social media cannot exist together; they are strange bedfellows.

These days, I enjoy a bit of screen and social media time, but in controlled measures. You see, I have lost my taste for a lot of things that interested me then, and I know my son, too, will. Until I lost that taste and got a better grip, I didn’t turn on the screen again. Today, I am no longer overwhelmed by everything online, thereby allowing my brain do deep productive work, and even giving me time to engage in the real relationships with my family and friends.

So dear Stay-at-Home mom, maybe you too need a social media break.

Credit: Eziaha Bolaji-Olojo, Bella Naija

In self development May 30, 2019 By Women of Rubies

RIHANNA’S DEBUT FENTY COLLECTION WAS INSPIRED BY THE ‘BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL’ MOVEMENT

Rihanna’s luxury clothing line Fenty is the first luxury line helmed by a woman of color at fashion conglomerate Louis Vuitton Moet Hennessy (LVMH). Accordingly, Rihanna took that groundbreaking spirit and infused it into every detail of Fenty’s first collection.

In conversation with Vogue UK, Rihanna spoke about the campaign’s imagery,which draws inspiration from the 1960s Black Is Beautiful movement. In the images, Rihanna takes us to history class, as she juxtaposed her models directly against vintage photographs by Kwame Brathwaite. In the 1950s and 60s, Kwame was a photographer who documented the cultural richness of Harlem’s African-American community. He also organized pageants to celebrate Black beauty; the pageants were so successful that they ran for five years and inspired the term Black is Beautiful.

“When I was coming up with the concept for this release, we were just digging and digging and we came up with these images,” Rihanna told Vogue UK. “They made me feel they were relevant to what we are doing right now,” adding that she received permission for Kwame (who is now 81) to use the images. “It was a really strange and powerful parallel.”

That parallel plays out in the stark campaign images. Using Kwame’s photos of the Grandassa models — a group of pageant models and activists who promoted the Black is Beautiful idea — Rihanna tied together historical depictions of Black women and the Fenty aesthetic. In one image, Nomsa Brathwaite (Kwame’s sister-in-law) wears a headwrap and a long chandelier earring; next to her, Rihanna’s models play together in white power suits, wearing rhyming earrings.

Ultimately, the campaign serves as a necessary reminder that, at one time, Black beauty was not widely promoted or accepted as activists had to fight for visibility and acceptance of African-American features and styling. Even today, beauty diversity is still nowhere close to where it needs to be — though Rihanna, through her makeup and clothing, has been instrumental in encouraging accessibility in the fashion industry.

Still, Rihanna is careful to explain that while her clothes embrace the legacy of black creatives, they aren’t necessarily meant to be political themselves. “Well, I don’t know if it’s political so much as embracing the fact that people should be more aware,” she said. “But definitely, we want people to see the parallels between what was then and what this is now, in a modern way.” And Fenty’s clothes are definitely modern, with their sharp tailoring and monochromatic colors.

Credit: Teen Vogue

In Career Gems May 30, 2019 By Women of Rubies

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY, SOUTH AFRICA APPOINTS 50% FEMALE MINISTERS

South African President Cyril Ramaphosa on Wednesday cut the number of cabinet ministers from 36 to 28, in a move he said would tackle the country’s “bloated” government and improve efficiency.

South African President Cyril Ramaphosa trims the cabinet and appoints women to have the positions as he seeks to get the country back on track

AFPSouth African President Cyril Ramaphosa trims the cabinet and appoints women to have the positions as he seeks to get the country back on track

Half the new ministers are women, making South Africa one of the world’s few gender-balanced governments.

Ramaphosa announced the new line-up after he led the ruling African National Congress (ANC) party to victory in elections earlier this month.

He took office last year after the ousting of graft-tainted Jacob Zuma, who had expanded the number of ministerial posts in an alleged attempt to strengthen his patronage network.

“To promote greater coherence, better coordination and improved efficiency, we (are) reducing the number of ministers from 36 to 28,” Ramaphosa said in televised address to the nation.

“This is a significant move of downscaling our state. Many people believed our government… was bloated and this was agreed right across the board.”

In another dig at his predecessor, Ramaphosa said that the ANC had been re-elected with a mandate to end “state capture” — the term used to describe government corruption under Zuma.

“All South Africans are acutely aware of the great economic difficulties our country has been experiencing,” Ramaphosa said.

“It is therefore imperative… we place priority on revitalising our economy while exercising the greatest care in the use of public funds.”

“For the first time in the history of our country, half of all ministers are women,” he added.

Balance of factions

Naming his new slimline cabinet, Ramaphosa kept internationally-respected Finance Minister Tito Mboweni in place, as well as his controversial Deputy President David Mabuza.

Mabuza is seen as a pro-Zuma figure whose name has come up in media reports on alleged corruption and political killings when he was premier of the eastern province of Mpumalanga.

“The retention of Tito Mboweni as finance minister… will appease markets and result in a positive perception of cabinet,” said a briefing note from Peregrine Treasury Solutions, a South African investment company.

It added that keeping Mabuza as deputy president “indicated that President Ramaphosa had to compromise to appease the Zuma faction within the ANC.”

Ramaphosa’s close ally Pravin Gordhan was kept on as public enterprises minister, a key role as debt-laden state companies were at the centre of alleged graft schemes under Zuma.

“The cabinet announcement largely rewards the President’s supporters and seems a conservative selection without the injection of real fresh blood from the outside,” said analyst Daniel Silke on Twitter.

Ramaphosa, 66, an anti-apartheid activist who became a wealthy businessman, faces a tough battle to drive through reforms in a country suffering from chronic unemployment, racial tension and crime.

The ANC won the May 8 election with 57.5 percent of the vote, its smallest majority since it led the fight against the apartheid regime that was replaced by multi-racial democracy in 1994.

The party’s celebrated reputation was badly sullied under Zuma’s 2009-2018 rule as it was confronted by multiple corruption allegations and public anger over the failure to tackle post-apartheid inequality.

South Africa’s economy grew just 0.8 percent in 2018 and unemployment hovers at over 27 percent — soaring to over 50 percent among young people.

Credit: Pulse

In self development May 30, 2019 By Women of Rubies

MEET BABY SAYBIE, WORLD’S TINIEST SURVIVING BABY

A California hospital on Wednesday disclosed the birth of the world’s smallest baby ever to survive, weighing a mere 245 grams (8.6 ounces) — the same as a large apple — when she was born.

In this picture received by AFP from Sharp Mary Birch Hospital for Women & Newborns on May 29, 2019, shows a nurse holding baby Saybie, the world’s smallest surviving newborn, on the day she was released from the NICU in San Diego, California – /AFP

The girl, nicknamed Saybie by hospital staff, was born 23 weeks and three days into her mother’s pregnancy at Sharp Mary Birch Hospital for Women and Newborns in San Diego.

The father was told by doctors that he would have about an hour with his daughter before she passed away.

“But that hour turned into two hours which turned into a day, which turned into a week,” the mother said in a video released by the hospital.

Doctors said Saybie was delivered via emergency cesarean section in December after severe pregnancy complications that put her mother’s life at risk.

After nearly five months at the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit, she was discharged home earlier this month weighing a healthy five pounds and sporting a graduation cap.

“She is a miracle, that’s for sure,” said Kim Norby, one of the nurses who cared for Saybie as she fought to survive with a sign that read “tiny but mighty” posted by her crib.

Emma Wiest, another nurse, said Saybie was so tiny at birth that “you could barely see her on the bed.”

At birth, she weighed as much as a child’s juice box and could fit in the palm of the hands of her caretakers.

“I’d heard that we had such a tiny baby and it sounded unbelievable because I mean she’s about half of the weight as a normal 23-weaker,” Wiest said.

Saybie’s ranking as the world’s tiniest baby ever to survive is according to the Tiniest Babies Registry, maintained by the University of Iowa.

The previous record was held by a baby born in Germany in 2015 who weighed seven grams more than Saybie.

“Every life is a miracle — those that defy the odds even more so,” Edward Bell, a professor of pediatrics at the University of Iowa who oversees the Registry, told AFP.

Credit: pulse.ng

In self development May 29, 2019 By Women of Rubies

ELLEN DEGENERES REVEALS SHE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED BY HER STEPFATHER WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER

Ellen DeGeneres has opened up about being sexually assaulted by her mum’s husband when she was a teenager.

In her upcoming interview on David Letterman‘s My Next Guest Needs No Introduction, the popular TV host reportedly spoke about her mother, Betty, marrying a “very bad man” when DeGeneres was a teenager.

According to Entertainment Tonight, DeGeneres explains that at the time, her mother had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and had one of her breasts removed. She said her stepfather used this information to sexually assault her.

“He told me when she was out of town that he’d felt a lump in her breast and needed to feel my breasts because he didn’t want to upset her, but he needed to feel mine,” she tells Letterman.
“I’m angry at myself because, you know, I didn’t — I was too weak to stand up to — I was 15 or 16,” she continues. “It’s a really horrible, horrible story and the only reason I’m actually going to go into detail about it is because I want other girls to not ever let someone do that.”

According to ET, DeGeneres says she hopes her story will inspire other victims of sexual assault to come forward.

“We [women] just don’t feel like we’re worthy, or we’re scared to have a voice, and we’re scared to say no,” she says. “That’s the only reason I think it’s important to talk about it because there’s so many young girls and it doesn’t matter how old you are. When I see people speaking out, especially now, it angers me when victims aren’t believed, because we just don’t make stuff up. And I like men, but there are so many men that get away with so much.”
“It is just time for us to have a voice,” she adds. “It’s time for us to have power.”

The 61-year-old first shared her story in an interview with Allure in 2005, revealing that after her mother’s mastectomy, her stepfather told her: “He thinks he feels a lump in (my mother’s) other breast, but he doesn’t want to alarm her so he needs to feel mine to make sure.”

DeGeneres, who did not name the man or specify how long the abuse lasted but told Allure he had since died, said he “made me lie down because he said he felt her breast while she was lying down.”

“I had to kick a window out and escape and sleep in a hospital all night long,” she recalled.

Credit: LIB

In self development May 29, 2019 By Women of Rubies

NIGERIAN PHOTOGRAPHER, RUTH OSSAI SHOOTS RIHANNA’S UPCOMING FENTY CAMPAIGN

On the 10th of May, singer-turned-entrepreneur, Rihanna made history, becoming the first woman to launch an original brand at the LVMH luxury goods collective, which is home to brands such as Givenchy, Dior, Louis Vuitton, and now Fenty Maison.

While the brand debuted in Paris on Friday, the online global launch is still to come. To prepare us for the latest episode of Rihanna’s world domination, Fenty has been releasing a steady flow of sartorial images, shot by the talented Nigerian photographer, Ruth Ossai.

Speaking with The New York Times, who first aired the news of Rihanna’s latest business exploit, the LVMH chairman, Bernard Arnault said “to support Rihanna to start up the Fenty Maison, we have built a talented and multicultural team…” of which Ruth Ossai seems to be a member.

Ruth Ossai has an incredibly unique photography style, comprising of animated backdrops and textured mats for her distinctive sets, which have now appeared on Fenty’s Instagram story, as they tease their upcoming campaign.

(Photo: Fenty/Instagram)

Last week, Fenty aired behind the scenes footage of another campaign. Using a variety of different scenes for the set design, some of the landscapes behind the Fenty-clad models looked surprisingly familiar, with Lagos and potentially other parts of Nigeria being used for the backdrops.

Watch the Fenty teaser video below:

Credit: konbini.com

In Career Gems May 29, 2019 By Women of Rubies

EX WIFE OF AMAZON’S CEO, MACKENZIE BEZOS PLEDGES HALF $35B FORTUNE TO CHARITY

MacKenzie Bezos has pledged to give away at least half of her $35 billion fortune to charity as part of a movement started by Warren Buffett and Bill and Melinda Gates.

MacKenzie Bezos became one of the world’s wealthiest individuals following her recent divorce from Amazon CEO, Jeff Bezos.

Bezos joins Mark Zuckerberg, Richard Branson, and Robert F. Smith on the list of donors to Bill Gates and Warren Buffett’s initiative.

In a letter published by Giving Pledge, Bezos writes of having “a disproportionate amount of money to share” and credits “an infinite series of influences and lucky breaks we can never fully understand” for her wealth.

Bezos’ signature, alongside hedge fund billionaires David Harding and Paul Tudor Jones, Brian Armstrong chief executive of cryptocurrency company Coinbase, and WhatsApp’s co-founder Brian Acton, brings the total signatories to more than 200 people.

The Giving Pledge began in August 2010 when 40 of America’s wealthiest individuals made a commitment to give more than half of their wealth away. The scheme is described as an “open invitation for billionaires … to publicly dedicate the majority of their wealth to philanthropy”.

Although MacKenzie Bezos doesn’t list any particular causes she writes,

“MY APPROACH TO PHILANTHROPY WILL CONTINUE TO BE THOUGHTFUL. IT WILL TAKE TIME AND EFFORT AND CARE. BUT I WON’T WAIT. AND I WILL KEEP AT IT UNTIL THE SAFE IS EMPTY.”

Credit: fabwoman.ng

In Career Gems May 29, 2019 By Women of Rubies

NIGERIAN, YEMI ADENUGA BECOMES THE FIRST BLACK FEMALE COUNCIL IN IRELAND COUNTY

Nigerian born, Yemi Adenuga has been elected to Meath County Council as a Fine Gael councilor for the Navan area in the local elections.

Adenuga has also made history as being the first black woman elected to Meath County Council.

She is famed for appearing as the matriarch on the British television reality program, Gogglebox, along with her husband, Nollywood star Deji Adenuga and their two daughters.

This new feat was shared by her husband in a series of videos posted on Facebook.

Adenuga has been making waves in her community, being on the board of Cultúr – an organization in Navan that “works with migrants, asylum seekers and refugees promoting equal rights and opportunities to develop an intercultural County Meath”.

She also runs Sheroes Global, which is “a women development and support organization with a mission to build women & youth to become positive change agents through changing orientation and to build a positive mindset.

In an interview with the Irish Examiner, the newly elected official said:

“I’M DELIGHTED TO BE DECLARED THE FIRST MIGRANT COUNCILLOR IN MEATH AND I’M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH THE COUNCIL ON ISSUES THAT AFFECT THE PEOPLE IN THE TOWN AND COUNTY. THIS IS A VICTORY NOT JUST FOR ME BUT FOR ALL WOMEN AND ETHNIC MINORITIES.”

Yemi Adenuga enjoyed a long broadcasting career in her homeland but moved to Ireland “for pastures new” almost 20 years ago.

Her husband, Deji Adenuga, has starred in over 200 films the over the last 25 years and flies over and back from Nigeria. They married in 1992.

Credit: fabwoman.ng

In self development May 27, 2019 By Women of Rubies

CHUKWUNETA OBY: THEY ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEM….

The lady that reached out to me touched on an issue that I consider ‘crucial’ in the life of woman. A phenomenon that, if unchecked, has rendered countless women emotional wrecks and succeeded in making them a shadow of themselves.
Read our lady, first:

“When I came across a part of your article that says that most women are naturally prone to feeling insecure, especially in relationships, I said to myself, ‘I can relate to this.’

Please, this is me sharing my personal experience and what I consider my weakness with you.

I had a “live-in” child minder that’s almost at the tail end of her teenage years.

She has a habit of moisturising her body after her usual night bath. The funny thing is the fragrance of her body cream is easily perceived all over the house. One cheap cream that I bought for her o!

Do you know that ‘yours sincerely’ also began to use body spray –before going to bed? Something I never used to do…besides my regular perfume that I use, when going out.

My poor husband apparently didn’t care about what was going on. He felt that my latest effort was a signal for “romance mood.” Little did he know that a growing girl’s harmless beauty regimen has made me to start protecting my territory.

I laugh at myself now, but it wasn’t funny then. As the days went by, it would seem like my insecurity around the girl deepened. Especially, after a colleague said: “Is this beautiful girl your house girl?’’

I began to read meanings into every move she made. When she served my husband …I would begin to analyse the motive behind her gesture and scrutinise her body language or the tone of voice she used when interacting with my husband. Even her wears were a problem. Clothes sit well on her, thanks to her physique.

Then came the moment of realisation.

My aunt that brought her came to the house one day, asking if the girl has wronged me in any way. Apparently, the girl wanted my aunt to make me tell her what she has done wrong. So that she could apologise…since she couldn’t think of any.

That encounter opened my eyes to how far I drove a girl that was once like a daughter to me… no thanks to my insecurity. I remember the days I would not leave the house until my husband left first. And I would end up getting to work late.

Why? So they wouldn’t get an opportunity to interact. Is it the times I would deliberately close at a “non-closing hour” and then hang by the door…with my ears tightly pressed to it, in case ‘something’ was happening?

Yet, I should be the first to tell whoever cares to listen that my husband is one-of-a-kind…when it comes to such.

But when INSECURITY sets in…I tossed my convictions about the man that I have known since my teenage years into the garbage. I also remember the look of fright I saw on her face on the day that I raised my voice at her.

The issue at hand didn’t actually warrant that but only me knew that that aggression was brought on by how ‘unattractive’ her young, well-shaped body was making me feel.

I woke up one day and decided that, Blessing (that’s her name) wasn’t my problem. So, I sent her packing…with more than enough money to go enroll in a fashion design academy.

That has always been her passion.

I did apologise for the strange woman that I had become to her. She deserves better. I realised that any other woman out there would still pose a problem (threat) to me, if I didn’t work on myself. I am still a work in progress.

The important thing, however, is recognising that the problem is me, and not necessarily other women!”

FROM OBY…

Yeah, the times are DESPERATE! But sometimes, it’s not about the wiles of other women. Most of us are plagued with acute insecurity. And would still act up even in the most innocent of circumstances.

There are women to whom the only offence a fellow woman can ever commit is being younger, beautiful, famous (this one is a given!) or better dressed.

While to other women, the only thing that qualifies a fellow woman as a “husband snatcher” is her marital status…as a single lady, single mum, divorcee or a widow. Sisters, other women are not your problem!

I mean, with an insecure woman…ANYBODY is a threat! You see, the mind of an insecure person is a fertile ground for unwholesome thoughts. Even a harmless compliment can plant ideas in their head.

Yes, protect your territory but more importantly…attune your mindset.

It could all be in your mind…you know?

Credit: Guardian Woman, Chukwuneta Oby

Photo Credit: google.com

In Career Gems May 27, 2019 By Women of Rubies

NIGERIAN WRITER, OLUTIMEHIN ADEGBEYE WINS THE 2019 GERALD KRAAK PRIZE

Nigeria’s OluTimehin Adegbeye has emerged winner of the 2019 Gerald Kraak Prize.

Adegbeye was awarded the prize for her submission, a nonfiction piece titled Mothers and Men.

The announcement was made on Thursday, May 23, at the Gerald Kraak Prize ceremony in Johannesburg.

Asegbeye’s submission was described by the judges as “a sensitive memoir casting new light on questions of rape, secondary victimisation and motherhood.”

OluTimehin Adegbeye is a Nigerian writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on gender, women’s rights, sex, sexuality and sexual violence, urban poverty, and sustainable development. Her TED Talk, “Who Belongs in a City?”, was chosen by TED Lead Curator Chris Anderson as one of the ten most notable talks of 2017.

Adegbeye is a Carrington Youth Fellow and a Women Deliver Young Leader. Her writing has appeared in Latterly Magazine, Premium Times, This Is Africa, StyleMANIA, Essays Magazine, Klassekampen, and Women’s Asia 21, among others.