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Esther Ijewere

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In self development By

IBUKUNOLUWA AJAYI: STOP GIVING POWER TO YOUR PROBLEMS!

We humans are so accustomed to focusing solely on the problem at hand. We fret, worry, stress and magnify the problem so much that we are unable to see a solution in sight, if one exists. Immediately something goes wrong, our natural instinct is to worry and stress over it.

Back in 2014, I had come to the end of myself. It was the 6th year since I had been battling leg ulcer, and I was tired, frustrated, humiliated, angry, depressed and suicidal. I had tried all forms of treatment, but none of them worked. I had done one surgery (skin graft) and used various remedies, Chinese and herbal.

I had just tried the herbal treatment my aunt suggested. She said there was a woman who used herbal medicine to treat wounds and other illnesses. I was very much against it in the beginning, but I wanted to have at least tried everything possible. My mum, my aunt and I paid a visit to the woman at her house. My mum told her my history and all I had been through, and she assured my mum that the herbal treatment would work. The woman charged us an exorbitant amount but my mum was willing to pay anything as long as I got better.

The herbal treatment process was that the wound would be washed with a herbal soap and then some herbal powder would be put on the surface of the wound. The woman asked me to sit on a stool so she could wash the leg. I didn’t put too much thought to it because I felt How bad could it be? I had been through worse. The wound was badly infected at the time, and it had some yellow stuff on the surface, which was why she needed to wash it.

I sat on the stool and she took my leg. The minute she began washing it I started to scream out. It was so painful. I hadn’t expected that much pain. I tried to jerk my leg away from her hand, but her grasp was strong. I was shaking on the stool and I was close to falling off. The woman had to call in reinforcements to hold me down. Her son and my aunt pinned me down on the stool, and she continued to scrub the wound.

I was going through various emotions and I looked to my mum so she could stop them, but she was crying and she said: “Please, just bear it, God will let this one work.” The woman finished washing and put the herbal powder on the wound. I couldn’t walk because I was in a lot of pain, so they carried me into the car and into the house when we arrived home.

I couldn’t walk for two days after the treatment, so I crawled around my house. The herbal treatment went on for almost three months and the wound was healing. On one of the days I went for treatment, she told my mum and I that someone had called her to come to Abuja to treat a senator. She said she would give us everything she used on our next visit, and if we continued the treatment the way she had been doing it, the wound would heal completely.

The woman travelled and my mum and I treated the wound at home with all the things she gave us, but it stopped working. My mum called the woman and asked her to please come back and continue the treatment, but she didn’t. After all of this happened, I was totally done with living. After all, I had tried it all. But one thought kept plaguing my mind. I didn’t want to have suffered hell on earth, and then hell for eternity. A part of me wanted it all to stop, and the other part just wanted a way to cope with it all.

While searching for a coping mechanism, I discovered something. Anytime I dressed the wound and I focused on the pain I was feeling, the pain would seem so unbearable and I would be miserable the whole day. But If I dressed the leg, and I immediately opened my laptop and started to watch a movie, and really concentrated on the movie, rather than on the pain I was feeling, after a while the pain would subside and I wouldn’t feel as miserable or as frustrated as I was before the movie.

It’s like the story in the Bible where the children of Israel were being bitten by snakes and God asked Moses to put a big snake on a staff and mount it, and all those who looked to the big snake on the staff would live, but those who continued to look down at the snake that was biting them would die.

I tried this new pattern for a while and it worked for me, and so I adopted it as a mantra for life. If something bad happened, or I was experiencing mood swings or someone upset me, I would find a distraction immediately. This really helped me because I was no longer focusing on the problems, which meant I wasn’t giving it power over me.

We humans are so accustomed to focusing solely on the problem at hand. We fret, worry, stress and magnify the problem so much that we are unable to see a solution in sight, if one exists. Immediately something goes wrong, our natural instinct is to worry and stress over it; most of the time we are unable to solve the problem by going that route. Instead of following your natural instinct, why not take a break and save yourself from developing a migraine or a high bp?

If something gets bad, can it be fixed or can you replace it? Rather than brood over a problem and let it overpower you, find a distraction for the moment, and by the time you come back to it, it won’t seem as nerve-racking and as overwhelming as you thought it was. If someone pisses you off, watch a movie, read a book, or take a cold shower.

Distracting yourself from the issue at hand not only puts you in control of the situation, but also prevents you from making rash decisions that could ultimately have negative consequences, which only creates more problems for yourself and others. The minute you give in to the negativity, you begin to lose your power.

Life is a power struggle, and whoever or whatever holds the power sits in the driver seat and has control. I had been giving the leg ulcer too much power, and it had been driving my life ragged, but the minute I stopped giving it power, I took back control over my life and I could think rationally.

It’s never as bad as it seems or as overwhelming as it looks. It only feels that way because you have given power away to the problem. Always remember you are in control of your life. The power is yours. Don’t give it away.

Source: Bellanaija

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NNEAMAKA ONOCHIE: WOMAN, TAKE THY VEX MONEY

“I was embarrassed, Amaka. All I had with me was transport fare, which could barely take me home. Besides being labeled all sorts of dehumanising names, my wrist watch and shoes were taken from me and I was made to wash plates. And till now I haven’t heard from him.”

I was scooping the remaining white soup in a bowl when I heard the mind shattering knock on my door. It must be the gateman, I thought. Maybe the clothes I left outside to dry had been taken down by the breeze. I wasn’t expecting a visitor. Besides, the gateman wouldn’t give anyone a pass without alerting me first. “Just a minute,” I screamed.

I rushed to the door and unbolted it. Behold, it was my friend Tinuke. I wasn’t really surprised. I guess we all have that friend who barges in on us without prior notice. The gateman always gave her free pass, as she was my close paddy.

“Good day,” she said so lightly you could barely hear her. Her face was creased with a frown and swollen like a rebellious puff puff, her eyes red and puffy you would know she just had a rendezvous with tears. I stepped aside to let her in, and she walked in sulking.

She sat down and I sat beside her. “Did anybody die?” I asked, baffled.

“No,” she answered and rolled her eyes.

“So?” I probed further. She opened her flimsy black purse and brought out a supposedly white handkerchief, dabbed the corners of her eyes carefully so as not to smear her already-washed-out-with-tears make up. I waited impatiently.

“I was invited on a date by Lawal, the guy I told you I met last week,” she began. “I got to the restaurant and sat waiting for him. While I waited I ordered for a glass of smoothie, which I gulped slowly. Thirty minutes later he still hadn’t shown up. Almost irritated, I called him. He apologised profusely for the delay, which he claimed was due to some unfinished business at the office. He said I should make an order of food and drinks, that he would soon join me.” I cleared my throat and listened as she continued.

“I ordered a plate of rice with shredded chicken sauce and a bottle of wine. I ate while waiting for him. I finished eating and he hadn’t shown up, and two hours had gone, so I ordered a big fresh fish and it was prepared for me. I hadn’t realised how much time had passed, and my date hadn’t shown up. I dialled his number and it was switched off. When I took down my phone a waiter had come with an exorbitant bill.” she started shedding fresh tears. “I was embarrassed, Amaka. All I had with me was transport fare, which could barely take me home. Besides being labeled all sorts of dehumanising names, my wrist watch and shoes were taken from me and I was made to wash plates. And till now I haven’t heard from him.”

I cleared my throat again, mentally analysing her tale of woes. I was mortified. I looked at her and felt like yanking her off my couch and shaking her so hard. “So you accumulated an exorbitant bill while waiting for a shadow” I said finally. Trying to be a voice of reason, I said, “I hope your Lawal hadn’t run into some kind of trouble,” then I reversed to the role of a sympathetic friend and sympathised with her while tabling where and how she failed.

I’m perturbed by how some women venture on dates empty handed, not asking themselves the what if questions. You should be ready for any eventuality. While preparing yourself to look your absolute best for your Romeo, heaping layers of foundation on your beautiful face, also endeavour to fling in some cash in your purse, otherwise known as vex money, so that when your Romeo cancels on you, you will do a hair flip knowing you’ve got your act together.

Order what you want I will soon join you is a trap. Unless you can pay for everything. Most women run into trouble because of greed, ahn ahn! A date to them is automatic ceremonious hunger alleviation, they come bearing with them dry throats for voluptuous gulps and empty stomachs filled with red eyed rattling worms. They make enormous orders not just for themselves, but for their clan and kindred, after all, an unfortunate Romeo strayed to their path. When the Romeo cunningly devises a means of escape for his already capsized pocket, the Juliet cries foul.

Eating to the size of your pocket cannot be overflogged. Make a deliberate attempt to know the price of your order, and eat to the size of your pocket, so that when Romeo cancels abruptly, you will be able to avoid every grit of embarrassment by paying graciously and exiting gracefully.

Source: Bellanaija

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YEWANDE MARQUIS: HOW DO YOU STUNT FOR THE ‘GRAM BUT STILL KEEP IT REAL?

It’s easy to underestimate the power of social media to negatively influence our thoughts and desires. We scroll and like and scroll and comment and keep scrolling and liking all day, but we leave with our minds loaded with all that we had just seen and read.

Today I posted some pictures on social media. I looked good and took some “Instagram-worthy” pictures I thought would make sense to share. I wanted a befitting caption to accompany the photos, but also didn’t want to put something pretentious or some other unrelated inspirational quote. The only thing that came to mind and was quite apt for how I felt at the time were lyrics to the song, Anchor by Bethel Music: Holding onto hope, holding onto grace, fully letting go, I surrender to your will. Though still unrelated to my pictures, I paraphrased and posted.

As I edited my pictures, I got the guilty feeling that I was posting pictures that weren’t necessarily reflective of my mood, upholding the fact that social media promotes a façade and the idea of keeping up appearances. I honestly wasn’t in the brightest of spirits, but still wanted to drop one for the ‘gram. As the likes and comments poured in, it occurred to me that someone out there would see my photos and be led to think that I have it good, with no serious worries. Who knows, someone struggling with a difficult situation may have seen my picture and sniggered, thinking Oh, she’s chilling and living her best life. If only that were true. But this is the reality of social media and, admittedly, I am an enabler.

It’s easy to underestimate the power of social media to negatively influence our thoughts and desires. We scroll and like and scroll and comment and keep scrolling and liking all day, but we leave with our minds loaded with all that we had just seen and read.

Ah this person is getting married too, na wa o.

When did he relocate to Canada? Everybody is leaving Nigeria.

Wow, I remember when this girl started this business and now she has blown. Me I’m still here saying I want to start something.

See how pretty this girl looks and she lost so much weight.

Aww, they look so in love. When will I get my own love like this? *Types comment*: Couple goals <3 <3

This one is always travelling up and down the world, living their best life, she must have plenty of money.

These are some of the many thoughts that flow through my mind when scrolling through my Instagram feed, and I know I am not alone. But what this does is that it feeds our insecurities, creates a feeling of dissatisfaction such that if we’re not strong and self-assured, our insecurities soon come to the fore. It’s a black hole, and if you’re not careful, you’ll fall into the trap of developing feelings of envy, inadequacy, unhealthy comparison, and feeling sorry for yourself based on what you see. These feelings could grow into an ugly monster.

We have made social media into this virtual reality where we view the world through tinted lenses, leading to false aspirations and triggering a fear of missing out, or the feeling that life is passing you by.

This leaves me wondering why we are comfortable keeping up appearances and showing off the good times to convince others that we are indeed living our best lives, but aren’t comfortable showing the other side – the glamorous, dishevelled, anxious, unhappy, dissatisfied sides to us. For those who are brave enough to, they are ridiculed for putting their business out there and for not hiding their dirty laundry. On the flip side, I don’t think the ridicule and shaming, especially from people who barely know you and know only your online persona, is worth it, as it could take its own emotional and mental toll on you.

At a time in my life when I was very unhappy, I took to Twitter to vent about my frustration. My tweets reeked of sadness and a cry for help. Some folks reached out, which I was very grateful for. Others asked me about it months later. In hindsight, I cringe when I think of what it must have been like reading my tweets, as I must have come off as a very sad person, which is not a pretty look, and certainly not one that is reflective of who I am today. When I see similar tweets on my timeline, I wonder if the tweeter is doing well. But if I’m being honest, those are not the kind of tweets I expect to see when I open my Twitter feed, and I don’t think I am completely wrong to say that others feel the same way.

I realise that social media, for a lot of us, is somewhat of an escape from our reality. We don’t just check-in from time to time to see what others are up to, we also check-in for entertainment and to share snippets of our lives. So, my conclusion is that we don’t necessarily want to see the sad parts of others’ lives and know about their struggles, especially if we don’t know them personally. The same way we wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing the not so glamorous parts of our lives online for everyone to see.

That is, we don’t like to put ourselves out there, which is fine. Unless it’s a success story where we share the challenges we have faced after the fact. In that case, maybe we might be more receptive to posts like these. I am all for sharing on social media, after all, it’s a great way to keep up with friends. But where I start to see a problem is where people go out of their way to prove a point and portray an image that isn’t necessarily reflective of their reality. I honestly wish people would not put up pretentious and deliberately misleading posts to garner likes and comments. I believe the extra attention promotes a false sense of importance and an unhealthy reliance on internet strangers for validation. This ignores an underlying internal issue that needs to be addressed. Social media has its good sides, but this is one of its darker sides.

I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this. How do you stunt for the ‘gram but keep things “real”? How do you strike a balance in your social media usage to avoid going over the edge and crossing the thin line between being your authentic selves and altering the appearance of your reality for validation? You are welcome to share your opinions and leave comments.

Source: Bellanaija

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SUBTLE SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE YOU MIGHT BE OVERLOOKING

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE?

Just like physical abuse — emotional abuse is an attempt to control another person. Rather than hitting or kicking the other party, however, the perpetrator uses emotion as their weapon of choice. The abuser might be aware or unaware, but they generally are keenly aware of a deep-rooted insecurity (which drives them to belittle, harass and demean their partner, spouse or family member).

A typical emotional abuser might accuse a spouse of cheating when they’re feeling insecure about their lovability, or they might be compelled the blame their partner for something unrelated or insignificant; inspiring conflict that more-often-than-not proves their darkest prophecies true. They might also constantly trying to control every move, he /she becomes an incessant criticizer and might verbally attack the other person when they feel as though they are not being “obeyed”.

Emotional abuse looks different, however, from partner-to-partner and case-to-case. Being able to spot the signs of emotional doesn’t just start with an understanding of the concept, it starts with understanding what an abuser can look like, as well.

WHAT AN EMOTIONAL ABUSER LOOKS LIKE.

Unfortunately, there’s no one hard-and-fast recipe for what an abuser looks like. There are, however, some central signs to look for and some facts that can help deepen your understanding of their behavior. Though it may not seem it at first glance, abusers feel powerless. Rather than fessing up to their securities, they over-compensate and conceal the truth behind a nasty wall of overbearing attitude and behavior. A personality profile which often looks a little something like this:

  • Need to be correct or in control.
  • Very jealous.
  • Doesn’t trust anyone.
  • Extremely insecure.
  • Verbally abusive.
  • Blames others for everthing.
  • Cruel to animals or children.
  • Very possessive with partners and “things”.
  • Has a history of aggression.
  • Hypersensitive to criticism.
  • Suffers from untreated mental health problems.
  • Needy with unrealistic expectations.

At first, it’s easy to rationalize and respond to this type of abuse in a logical way. Over time, however, that becomes harder to do as your resilience is worn down by the constant stress of conflict and confrontation. Knowing what abuse is, and knowing what an abuser looks like isn’t enough, though. You need to be able to spot the signs of abuse, especially the more subtle ones.

THE SUBTLE SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE YOU MIGHT BE OVERLOOKING.

Physical abuse comes with obvious physical signs that are instantly recognisable to the trained and untrained eye alike. Emotional abuse doesn’t work that way, however, and many of the signs (warning or otherwise) aren’t so easy to spot — or fess up to.

Opposing

Opposing occurs when the abuser argues against anything and everything you say. They challenge your perceptions, your opinions and your thoughts; they’ll even challenge how you carry yourself or live your life. Emotional abusers don’t care whether you’ve volunteered your thoughts or not, they treat you like an adversary and say “no” whenever they can.

Denying

Abusers love to deny the things that they’ve said or done. They’ll deny a conversation took place, and deny entire events altogether. They deny their abuse and, often, when confronted, resort to declarations of love and caring where once there was only scorn or vitriol. This manipulative behavior leads the abused party to doubt their own memory, perceptions and even experience — leading eventually to an extreme and persistent pattern more commonly known as gaslighting.

Blocking

Blocking occurs when an abuser switches topics, in order to avoid a conversation or confrontation that they don’t like. Abusers might also use accusations or blame to block you from the point you’e trying to make, and they do it with an ease that is almost breathtaking.

Undermining & interrupting

Those who abuse are fundamentally broken people, who are incapable (in the current moment) of facing their own inadequacies in any kind of meaningful way. Because they can’ face their own insecurities, they focus on the insecurities of others; working hard to undermine any sense of self-esteem or self-confidence the other party might have remaining. They’ll tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about and even interrupt your sentences.

Minimization

One of the more subtle techniques used by emotional abusers is minimization. This practice isn’t just about making someone feel small — though that’s definitely a major part of it. More realistically, it’s the downplaying of important things, or the rendering of meaningful things as insignificant. It doesn’t matter if you’e expressing your emotions, feelings, views, problems or experiences. To the emotional abuser: it’ all worthless, and nothing to be fussed about.

Unreachable expectations

Emotional abusers are all about tearing their partners down, even when they appear to be building them up. Unreachable expectations are one of the way abusers zero in on their prey and destroy the last facets of their self-esteem. They do this by putting their partner on a ridiculous pedestal, which then allows them to react with constant disappointment and disdain. Feeling disappointed, the abuser then feel empowered to amplify their behavior, heaping even more scorn over an already scorn-filled relationship.

Walking on eggshells

The term “walking on eggshells” refers to the tendency of victims to to judge everything in their environments against how their abuser will react to it. If you find yourself making decisions based entirely around whether or not they upset your partner — you might be dealing with an emotionally abusive situation.

Isolation

Abusers need isolation in order to successfully destroy the self-esteem of their partners. For this reason, they work hard to isolate their victims from the activities and people that they love, leaving them rudderless and without help, perspective or guidance in the midst of a very turbulent unravelling. If your partner is keeping you from seeing or contacting your friends and family, then you’re in danger of dissociating from the critical support system that you need.

This article was written by E.B Johnson. Full piece here

Cover Photo: Laci Jordan

Source: Leading Ladies Africa

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‘I’M A FIRM BELIEVER IN STARTING SMALL AND DREAMING VERY BIG’

Peju Ugboma is the Founder/CEO of I Luv Desserts and also runs a blog, The Service Critic where she reviews restaurants. A graduate of Microbiology from the University of Lagos, she was the Head of Business Strategy at First Independent Global before resigning and setting up her business. Certified from Gastronimicum, Agde and Le Notre in France and The Taste Lab in the United Kingdom, Peju wants to launch a training school for aspiring chefs, baking enthusiasts and home cooks. In this interview, this ardent Manchester United fan talks about dumping Microbiology for dessert making, turning a huge business mistake into a best seller and three things women-owned businesses must do and avoid to stay successful.

Making desserts is a pretty unique concept, what led you down this path?
I cannot honestly tell you why I chose desserts, but it possibly stemmed from watching chefs on TV do amazing stuff with butter, sugar and flour. I would watch on TV and wish there were places locally to buy them. I still remember the first time I went to a store on Awolowo Road in Ikoyi and saw a white forest gateau, I was in cloud nine.

When I started out, I knew only a handful of people who were doing desserts commercially for events back then. There were lots of cake makers but proper desserts connoisseurs weren’t available locally. I knew to be able to do it the way I saw it on TV, I would require at least basic knowledge in basic baking techniques, so I enrolled in a baking school locally for one month and the classes were very hands on. I also bought loads of books to help out. By the end of the first month, I knew I wanted more of the real stuff. I searched locally for a proper culinary school but nothing was available so I had to look outside Nigeria.

You switched from microbiology to dessert making, what informed this decision?
To be honest, Microbiology was never my first choice. I come from a home where daddy’s words were the law. My dad initially wanted me to study Medicine but I didn’t score high enough in JAMB to study it.

Secretly, I was quite pleased, but I dared not show it outwardly. I had just about enough points to study microbiology. If I could have chosen my own course, it most likely would have been the arts. I hated Chemistry and other science subjects.

Peju Ugboma, Founder/CEO of I Luv Desserts and blogger, The Service Critic
When I finished from university, I knew I was not going to do anything with the Microbiology, so I tried my hand at different things but I didn’t find any job exciting enough to keep me occupied till I went to work in a customer service training company.

I loved it enough to stay for a few years before I moved in a completely different direction into learning about business strategy. I learnt very quickly and was fully dedicated to it because I needed to grow up. I eventually got restless there after about two years. My husband (then boyfriend) knew how excited I was watching baking shows on TV, so he always encouraged me to try it out. Then I quit my job and went for my first baking course and 12 years later, I am still at it.

You were once a 9-5 employee for over five years, what would you say is the difference between entrepreneurship and full-time employment?
Entrepreneurship is a full time job, especially when you are a start-up. You eat, drink, sleep and dream your new business.

In my candid opinion, entrepreneurship is way harder because you are responsible for other people’s livelihood. People are dependent on you so you have to strive to make sure things are done properly. If you don’t have a dime for yourself, you must provide for others.

When I started out, I was the baker, cleaner, delivery personnel, phone operator, shopper, everything! When you are in paid employment, you have a job description but with entrepreneurship, you are a one-man army.

In your opinion, what are some of the key issues startups face, especially in Nigeria?
I know you have probably heard funding many times but I disagree. The main issue a lot of startups face is knowledge, the knowledge of how to run and manage a business properly.

You have a business idea, it looks good on paper and we run with it without adequate checks, research and even proper training on know-how. We start, then get stuck and eventually throw in the towel until the next best thing comes along. Access to funds is also another big problem.

I am very anti-get a loan from a bank to start a business, the interest rate will almost cripple whatever you have gathered. I am a firm believer in starting small and dreaming very big. Electricity is also a big problem. I know this is a third world problem but it’s a huge challenge in my line of work.

A large chunk of our generated income goes on power generation. I would also say human power because in my industry, retaining excellent staff who are dedicated to the job with great work ethics are very few and far between. Artisan turnover is quite high.

Your company pioneered frozen cookie dough in West Africa, tell us about that?
The cookie dough project came about when there was some kind of ban on importation of goods into Nigeria. Before then, when you go to the freezer aisle of most supermarkets, there weren’t any locally manufactured brands of cookie dough stocked there. It got me thinking and research started on producing cookie dough locally.

The idea behind the frozen cookie dough was to create convenience and save time for the average home baker whilst still enjoying freshly baked cookies in the convenience of your home. All you need to do is place dough balls on trays and bake for 15 minutes.

The whole process took about 24 months from inception to product testing, sourcing packaging and licensing from NAFDAC. We rolled out and gradually started retailing in stores. We were stocked in about 22 stores in Lagos and Abuja then we hit a brick wall. I think it was largely because we had lapses in our marketing strategy and supply change management.

I am no longer ashamed to say that it failed the first time it launched, it was quite humbling and I refused to talk about it for a while but I have learnt a whole lot from this experience, because this kind of experience, as humbling as it is, helps you build resilience. We are back to drawing board trying to retrace our steps to understand why it didn’t work in the first instance. Hopefully, it will work out better and stay in the market for as long as we have projected it to stay.

How important is mentoring for women especially those in business?
I have often heard women say it was a waste of their time, but in my own case, it was one of the wisest decisions I took. If you are in business, whether man or woman, you need mentoring. It is hard enough running your business solo, with you being the all in one CEO and ‘Jackie’ that does even the most menial of jobs.

Personally, I have benefitted from having a mentor who not only guides me as regards my business but spiritually and even issues regarding the home-front.

When I am asked how I chose a mentor, happenstance, I came across her by accident and I prayed that I was choosing the right person. The first question she asked was “what are you bringing to the table.” I was stunned. When I asked her why she said that, she wanted to know how serious I was about our relationship. I have since nicknamed her iya-aje because of how tough she gets when she needs me to do something.

Tell us something that has influenced your life and career positively today?
It took me a while to figure this out, but life became much easier when I got an understanding of Proverbs 3:5-6. It says trust God with your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will straighten all crooked path before you. As hard it may be, I have chosen to trust Him.

As a member of BTS Welfare Hub, what do you do specifically for women?
BTS Welfare Hub is a faith-based group, it doesn’t cater to just women, but to the needs of the downtrodden. The hub takes care of a range of things like visiting old people’s homes, orphanages, cerebral palsy centers, poor communities and visiting the streets to encourage someone. An average visit to a poor community will include sharing the word, praying with the people in these communities, encouraging and then giving out presents and food.

As a former business strategist, briefly tell us three basic things women must do/avoid when running a business?
First, separate purses; your business account is not your personal account; you should not draw funds from the business account just because you can. I believe you should pay yourself a realistic salary. If the business is unable to pay you a salary, create an IOU, which can possibly go towards your equity in the company, there must be some sort of reimbursement for the work you do.

Second, whilst I believe you shouldn’t hire too soon, I also believe that it is important to delegate so that you don’t burn yourself out. Micromanaging when you delegate is a killer of creativity. You need to prioritize what is important, what can be delegated and what you can afford to put on the back-burner.

Finally, don’t be afraid to make a mistake or be too cautious to take a risk. I know it is not always easy to accept when we assume we have failed at something but it shouldn’t define who we are.

One of my biggest sellers at the moment, the cheesecake popsicle came about as a mistake I made when mixing one of our products. Now I am grateful that it happened, I acknowledge that it’s not all mistakes that have a somewhat happy ending but use whatever mistake as a stepping- stone to better yourself.

If you could influence change, what would you want to do for Nigerian women?
If I could influence change, I would like to start with reorientation, reorientation of the mind, that being a woman is not a limiting factor. I can be anything I want to be if my mind is aligned to it and I am willing to put in the work.

A lot of our parents did some form of damage in us with a limiting mindset, that no matter what we do or achieve, the kitchen is where we will end up as women. I would also love for women to truly support one another, not just using it as a buzzword but also actually bearing one and other up. These are little things we can be deliberate about it.

What do you do to relax? What is your guilty pleasure?
Relaxing is relative nowadays, as an entrepreneur, shutting down, mind body and soul is hard. So the easiest thing for me nowadays is reading and eating out. I also love watching football but nowadays the team I support isn’t doing well so it is a bit of a drag. My absolute guilty pleasure is travelling to new places, learning new cultures and experiencing new culinary adventures.

What should we expect from you in the next five years?
Whenever I am asked this question, I get a bit overwhelmed. Whilst I understand the need to plan for the future, I have learnt to take it one day at a time, planning five years in advance in my books is a wrong pressure trigger.

So I will change from the next five years to tomorrow or in the near future; I want to co-own a properly run internationally certified culinary academy in Nigeria and an online culinary school because that’s where the business world is gearing up to. I pray for sustenance, God’s grace and grit to carry forth.

Source: Tobi Awodipe for Guardian

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MY ENTRY INTO A MALE DOMINATED LAUNDRY BUSINESS MET WITH COLD RECEPTION– ABIMBOLA ODEDINA

A wonderful poet once said ; You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated.” I bet she had Odedina Abimbola in mind.

Bimbo was singlehandedly raised by her hardworking mother who sells foodstuff and charcoal at Ipodo market, Ikeja. She lost her Father at a tender age in 2009, for her  growing up was a very challenging experience, she , her mom and younger sister Adepeju had to take refuge in a room and parlour apartment in the ancestral home of her maternal grandfather in Ipodo, Ikeja where she hustled through life to make a living; selling charcoal and taking up different jobs to save towards her education and  also support her family. ​Her story went viral a month ago when she posted her laundry Business on Twitter, a tweet that has now been shared over ten thousand times​ and reposted on other social media platforms​, Giving Bimbo leverage for her business, showing the ripple effect of determination and doggedness and also​ reminding us ​of ​the power of social media. ​The young budding entrepreneur ​shares her Inspiring story with me in this interview.

Growing Up

Despite my humble background, I was determined to do what it takes to change my family’s fortune. Immediately after Secondary school, I started taking up several jobs to assist my mother to fend for the family and saving towards sponsoring myself to the university.  In 2012, I gained admission into Adekunle Ajasin University Akungba, Akoko to study Business Administration, while in school I made several trips to Lagos to do promotional ushering jobs during weekends and I took up part time jobs during every semester break working with Wrangler as a sales representative at Ikeja Mall, while still studying hard in school, eventually graduating with. ( CGPA) second class degree.

In 2017 after graduation, while waiting to be posted to serve my Fatherland (NYSC). I  took up several jobs part time jobs, saved some money to start dealing in charcoal business having learnt the trade from my mother, I started selling in small and large units to food vendors, restaurants around Ikeja axis. But eventually had to quit the trade due to constant pressure to join Charcoal dealers pressure group.

In November 2017, I was posted to Adamawa state for the mandatory NYSC scheme, spent 3weeks in camp for the orientation exercise and eventually redeployed to Ibadan, Oyo state due to insecurity in the North.  As a Corps member in Ibadan I was posted to a secondary school where I was to resume 8am and close by 2pm, I decided to look for another part-time job to raise extra money for my upkeep and increase my savings.  Lucked smiled on me and I got a sales activation job with British American Tobacco, Ibadan sales unit. There I was required to work between 5pm to 10pm on Tuesday’s to Thursday, 5pm till 2am during the weekends. Though stressful, the pay was good and I was able to save the BAT salary towards starting a business. Eventually, the 3month contract with BAT ended and I had to make a decision on what business to do. As a member of WINNER’s Chapel I’ve always heard Bishop Oyedepo emphasize on the importance of seeking divine direction, so I prayed to God to show me the business to do and miraculously I got divine direction to start a laundry business in a dream.

Thereafter, I had to seek wise counsel from friends and I was directed to see a young man (Mr. Falade Ayomipo Oluwaseun) who also owned a laundry service here in Ibadan. I was told he also started as a Corps member and he was willing to teach me how to start and manage a laundry and dry cleaning shop at an affordable fee. I was able to learn within 3weeks while my PPA was on break. Few days later with the assistance of my Boss, I used all my savings to buy a washing machine, generator, industrial iron and other materials, equipment and items needed to start a Laundry and Dry Cleaning service.

On 10th May 2018, I started business washing 15shirts, 7 trousers and some under wears.  Today I’m a proud owner of a booming Laundry business (CRYTALZ EXCLUSIVE CLEANING SERVICES) that is registered with the CAC, I have 4 employees; 2pressers, a washerwoman and a delivery man. On the long run I intend to engage in large scale laundry and dry cleaning service and also perform Janitorial services.

Abimbola doing her thing

Inspiration behind Crystalz Laundry

Crystalz Laundry was God inspired. During the service year, I did a contract job with Benson and Hedges Ibadan sales unit. I was required to work between 5pm to 10pm on Tuesday’s to Thursday, 5pm till 2am during the weekends. Though stressful, the pay was good and I was able to save my salary towards starting a business. When the contract job ended.  I had to make a decision on what business to do. I prayed to God to show me the business to do and miraculously I got divine direction to start a laundry business in a dream.

What inspired me to advertise my business on Twitter

A friend of mine  (Juba Adeola) told me about how Twitter has helped many entrepreneurs (e.g Dolapo shawarma) increase sales at no cost. He suggested we take professional pictures of me at work, summarize my story while tagging Influencer’s and praying to God to help make the post go viral. And it did go viral by God’s grace.

Reception since I started Crystalz Laundry

My entry into a male dominated laundry business met with cold reception from family members, friends and many others. Some people even advised I do something more “Womanly” though my strong resolve and determination made many change their mind. My choice of business still baffles a lot of people till today

My vision

Crytalz Exclusive Cleaning Services is registered with the CAC.  On the long run I intend to engage in large scale laundry and dry cleaning service and also perform Janitorial services. So far, I have trained and assisted 2 people to set up their laundry business. I have a vision to periodically organise skills acquisition training and empowerment programs for people with a major focus on women. I may also diversify my business based on the ever changing business environment.

Challenges

Unstable power supply, I spend a large amount of money on petrol monthly. I use a motorcycle rider to do my delivery and we have survived 2 terrible accidents. The unstable cost of buying materials is also an issue. Getting new customers usually require extra effort.

Abimbola Odedina at work

On giving up

I had a rethink after I survived  2 terrible accidents in the course of doing pick up and delivery.  The scars are  still visible on my body but I eventually overcame my worry and resolved not to give up

Being a Woman of Rubies

My strong determination to succeed. I sponsored myself to the university. As an undergraduate in Adekunle Ajasin University Akungba, I made several trips to Lagos to do promotional ushering jobs during weekends. I took up part time jobs during every semester break/strike working with Wrangler as a sales representative at Ikeja Mall. Before going for NYSC, I did charcoal business but had to quit due to pressure and debt. Despite all odds, I’m self-employed, an employee of labour and my story has inspired many.

Advice for women who want to go into the laundry business

The business world is not the exclusive domain of men, women have what it takes to own, run and manage businesses. What is required is a determination backed by a strong resolve to succeed in your chosen field; despite the odds and the heavy burden society has placed on women.

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“PEOPLE WONDER HOW I WAS ABLE TO BREAK 100 YEARS RECORD IN INDIA” – EMELIFE STELLA CHINELO AMAGBOR

Emelife Stella Chinelo  Amagbor 100 years record breaking educational feat  went viral few weeks ago and alot of Nigerians wanted to know more about the woman who had made the motherland proud. The story was shared across social media and on some international platforms.

The Anambra State born academia got a scholarship from of the university of Mysore, India and graduated in March 2019 with a FGPA of 9.26, and was awarded 20 gold medals during her convocation, this feat made it the first time in over 100 years where any student will be honoured that way. Little did Stella know her story was going to make rounds in the media

The Intelligent young woman who also has a bachelor degree, (BSc Applied Chemistry) ,was also awarded the best graduating student of Usmanu Danfodiyo University Sokoto in 2013/2014 academic session, graduating with CGPA of 4.86.

Stella is  inspired by her  hunger for knowledge and a better life for herself, she shares her inspiring story in this interview.

In her words; “My parents were not the richest but they did all they could at all times to give me and my siblings the best quality education”.

Growing up

I grew up in Sokoto state though born in Zaria, Kaduna state. I am the first of the seven children of Sir and Lady Christoper Emelife. My parents were not the richest but they did all they could at all times to give me and my siblings the best quality education available. I attended Federal Government College Sokoto from primary level to secondary level and this was by no means the best school in Sokoto at the time. All through my studies, I was outstanding. I always made the best grades which earned me several awards and scholarship.  I went on to do my bachelor’s degree in applied chemistry at Usmanu Dan fodiyo University Sokoto where I also graduated as the best graduating student in 2012/2013 academic session. It was never rosy. I had difficulties and challenges especially with gaining admisssion into university. I wanted to study medicine but did not get that course for reasons I am yet to lay my hands on but all I knew was that I had the results required. I spent three years battling with JAMB UTME and POSTUTME until I eventually changed to chemistry. So I would say, yes, my childhood or my background indeed prepared me for what I do now.

Why Chemistry?

For my bachelor degree in Applied chemistry, I will tell you that I only chose to apply for it at the time because, firstly chemistry was my favourite science subject apart from Mathematics in secondary school, I would say I had a good foundation in chemistry and then secondly, I needed to apply for a course that had less traffic. By less traffic I mean, a course that did not have too many applicants just like medicine which was what I wanted to study. However, in the course of my studies, I fell in love with chemistry and decided to proceed in this field for my postgraduate studies.

100 years record breaking viral story

 Yes, my story went viral after the announcement of my awards in India. I got an Indian government scholarship in 2016 to go for a master degree course in chemistry. I accepted the offer and began my master’s degree programme at University of Mysore, the course went on till July/August 2018. I returned back to Nigeria and this year 2019, I was invited to attend my convocation ceremony where I will be officially awarded my MSc Chemistry degree and along with it, I was informed that I will be receiving numerous awards as a result of my outstanding performance in the university. The university is one of the oldest universities in India and highly reputable. I was informed that in the over 100 years history of the university, no one has ever made such grades and most of all a foreigner. I made a percentage of 92.6%. Hence, the best graduating student of the university of Mysore. I went down to India in March 2019, received these numerous awards (25 awards that included 20 gold medals and 5 cash prizes) and almost all media houses in India had the news in all languages including English and eventually, Nigerian bloggers got to know and then some Nigerian news houses.

Reception

Abroad which of course is India, every single person who has come across the news is totally amazed and wonder how I was able to break such record of such university as notable as University of Mysore. More so were those present at the convocation ceremony. Even the dignitaries could not help but express how amazed they are and how proud of me they are and have since been offering to assist me in any way they can through recommendations in case I decide to take up a PhD course in India. I granted countless number of interviews both offline and online. In fact, my name has been everywhere in India especially amongst the academicians and the foreign students association in all parts of India are so proud of me and my achievement. Now, at home, yes the reception has been good amongst people who got to know about it, especially on social media. My husband, my entire family and friends, my church, my alma mater have all been so amazed at such performance. The Chemical Society of Nigeria have been so excited about the news. I have also been granting a number of interviews here and there. I am praying that apart from everyone getting excited and sending in congratulatory messages, that I will attract the attention of the federal government to at least consider me for a well-paying job here in Nigeria.

My Inspiration

 I am inspired by my hunger for knowledge and a better life for myself, my family and the society at large and I believe that getting to the peak of my career in life will bring me all the happiness I seek for since at that height, I can inspire others and be make all the impacts I yearn for in the society.

Who inspires me? Firstly my parents inspire me greatly. Their determination to give us the best they can pushes me to be more and also be a great parent like they are to me and then also, I am inspired by every woman that I come across who is doing all she can to break all the conventional laws or rules that hold women back and strife hard to achieve her goals irrespective of her gender or whatever. If you ask for who my role model is, then it is Late Prof. Dora Akunyili of blessed memory. I adore her and hope to do greater than she did by the help of God.

What next?

I need a good job in the academia as a lecturer in the university or as a quality control analyst or research and development personnel in any reputable chemical industry where I can put in all my knowledge to use, develop myself and also earn a good living to take care of myself, my family and those around me that need help. I am also looking forward to getting a very good PhD scholarship to start up my research career as soon as possible.

On the long run, I have plans to work with NGOs in the education sector to be able to make my own mark in education in Nigeria.

Challenges

 The greatest challenge I faced while studying in India was the cultural shock I faced. It was my first time leaving Nigeria and for the fact that it was a totally different continent made it so difficult for me at the very beginning. The food, the way of life, the language, the accent and intonations, the religion.

No one understood me when I spoke because they say they do not understand my accent. However, time changed everything. I became very used to everything that I ate virtually every food, began to speak with the Indian accent and I could understand a few of the native language hence I was able to at least communicate with the bus drivers et al. Another challenge I faced was the overwhelming academic activities and being the only foreigner in my class. I stayed in school morning till evening from Monday to Saturday, stood for at least 4 hours in the laboratory and had loads of assignments to submit within short notice and practical records to submit also. It was so intense and scary but eventually, by the Grace of God, I got used to it and made use of all facilities at my disposal, used my time judiciously and became friends with virtually all my classmates.

 Giving up

In my first year if I had the financial capacity, I would have ran back to Nigeria because I was getting too overwhelmed with the work load. It was so intense and I thought, I could not just do this. I was afraid I may not survive it. Many times I will cry while in the class receiving lectures, other times in the lab I will be so lost and confused. I could no longer concentrate. However, I cried to my family  most especially my husband who is a huge support system, and they all encouraged me with their kind words and prayers and eventually, I got used to everything and even did not want to go back to Nigeria, when it was time to. Hahahaha!!!

My Support System

I am happily married to Mr. John Oshiobode Amagbor who has been of tremendous support to me. We live in Warri, Delta state. Also, I am looking forward to collaborations with NGOs or bodies that propagate education in public schools especially at the basic and secondary level. I will appreciate getting connections to such agencies and organizations, I can do a volunteer work with them even when I get a paying job.

Being a woman of rubies

I believe I am a Woman of Rubies because I am very focused and zealous. I do not let my gender come in my way of achieving the greatest heights. I do not think because I am a woman in the midst of men, so I am a second class ‘citizen’. I always believe I am even better and at advantage because I am a woman. I hold my head high and raise my shadows while defending myself or any right course because I am a human first then a woman. I am fearless when discussing what I know, yet very humble to learn anything new from anyone irrespective of gender or race. I am an inspiration to my own family, my own society and soon the world. I represent womanhood everywhere I go to. Yes, I am that Woman of Rubies.

To women who want to study Chemistry

Any woman can be anything right she wants to be. There is no gain going about wearing the cap “I am a woman’ about like Mo Abudu will say. You are a human first then woman. Therefore, there is no limit to what you can achieve just like everyother man.

Chemistry is not easy, however it is by no means the most interesting physical science course and is highly interdisciplinary. Go for it, as far as you are serious minded.

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SARA FABIAN: 5 PRACTICES THAT HELPED ME STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER

Looking back on my life, I came to realize that I spent quite a high amount of my precious time trying. Trying to be perfect. Trying to be appreciated and liked by everyone else around me. Trying to fit in with different groups of people so that I could feel accepted and approved of.

I can recall many situations in my life when I did things I didn’t really want to do to comfort or please others. I was a master of people pleasing and, to be honest, it wasn’t always because I wanted to make everyone happy.

The truth is that I wanted people to like me. I expected them to give me the things I wasn’t giving myself: love, care, and attention.

People-pleasing is an unhealthy behavior, a clear sign of low self-esteem. It is disempowering, inauthentic, and extremely time- and energy-consuming.

Here are five simple practices that helped me stop being a people pleaser.

1. Allow myself to be me.

I can recall I once told a guy I was dating that I wanted to join him for a football match when, in fact, I didn’t. I knew he loved football, so I thought he would see me as a right partner and like me more. Big mistake.

If you’re also doing things you don’t want to do, hoping those things will strengthen your relationships, be careful with that. Be honest about what you like or dislike. Be real. Pretending and faking who you are and what you want will only work against you.

Being myself got me married. The day I had the first dinner with my husband (as friends at that time), I had no expectations of getting involved in a romantic relationship. I didn’t care if he liked me, I didn’t try to please him in any way because, to me, he was just a friend, not “a marriage prospect.” No lies, no mask, no hidden agenda.

He got to meet the honest, real me, and this was whom he eventually fell in love with. Authenticity is magnetic! Being genuine is a matter of choice, so I stopped explaining myself for what I want and for who I am.

If you also feel like wearing a mask when among people, I want you to know it is okay to be you. Your perfect imperfections make you special and unique.

Be your own kind of beauty. Stay true to your feelings, opinions, thoughts, and emotions. Live your own life, with no apologies and no regrets.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~ Brene Brown

2. Detach from other people’s opinion of me.

Did you know that the fear of public speaking comes first among all kinds of fears? Even the fear of death comes second! Most people don’t feel brave enough to show up in their vulnerability in front of others because they’re focusing more on what people might think about them than on the message they want to convey. I was there in the past, and whenever I had to hold a speech at work, it felt like torture.

Seeking validation from others turns us into their prisoners. In reality, we can’t control what other people feel or think, but we are in charge of our own actions, feelings, and thoughts.

When I know that what other people think of me does not define me, I set myself free from any judgment. What they see in me is their opinion. Some might perceive me as smart, funny, and talented. Others might think I’m an average public speaker or even a lousy one. To some, I might look pretty. To others, I might not. It’s all about their standards of beauty or intelligence, and it has nothing to do with me.

I do the best I know and the best I can every day. I love and approve of myself as I am, and other people’s opinion or validation of me is neither required nor needed.

If this rings a bell with you, please know you cannot please everyone, no matter how much you might try. Other people’s opinions of you are nothing but perception, filtered through their own lenses, expectations, or system of belief. Know you are worthy and beautiful, not because others think so, but because you decide to believe it.

“When I seek your approval, I don’t approve of the me that’s seeking the approval.” ~ Byron Katie 

3. Set healthy boundaries with the outer world.

One of the most challenging things I had to learn was how to say no to things I didn’t really want to do, without feeling selfish, guilty, or overly worried that I might hurt or upset someone else. I struggled with this in my personal relationships (like when I saw a movie in town on a Sunday because a good friend had asked, even though my body only wanted to sleep and recharge), but not only in this area of my life.

This was a challenge at work, as well, whether I was saying yes to tasks that were not part of my job profile or volunteering to take on new projects when I already had a lot on my plate. But one day, I decided to speak up for myself and see what happened. Surprisingly, everything was just fine when I started telling people what I needed.

To me, setting healthy boundaries was a learned practice, and here’s where I am today:

Saying no doesn’t mean I dislike or reject the other person. I say yes to the person and no to the task. In reality, I know I can’t disappoint anyone. People disappoint themselves with the expectations they set for whom they want me to be and what they expect me to do. It’s always their story. If they truly love me, they would understand.

We teach people how to treat us by deciding what we will and won’t accept. I ceased letting anyone take advantage of me. I am not a doormat. It is not my responsibility to entertain other people and make them happy. Whenever I offer people time, I give them a piece of my life.

Today, I spend my precious time with people who bring the best in me, who support me and accept me just the way I am. Relationships in which we need to pretend are toxic. If I don’t feel at ease with people, I don’t change myself; I change the people.

Setting boundaries in a relationship might look selfish to the outer world. In reality, it is a form of self-respect, self-love, and self-care.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

4. Assertive communication.

Often cases, I found it extremely difficult to say no only because I didn’t know how to express myself with clarity and confidence, fearing I could sound aggressive or impolite. I learned to say no with grace, without offending anyone.

Here are some simple formulas that always work well for me:

  • It doesn’t work for me right now.
  • I’m not able to make it this Sunday/this week/month/year.
  • I’ve got too much on my plate right now.
  • Thank you for thinking of me, I’m sorry I can’t at this time.
  • It’s too bad I’m busy, but please let me know how it turns out.
  • Perhaps another time, let me know what next week looks like for you.
  • No thank you, but it sounds lovely.

“When you say Yes to others, make sure you are not saying No to yourself.” ~ Paulo Coelho

5. Become my own best friend.

For my happiness, I’m in charge. I stopped expecting others to make me happy and to fulfill my needs and desires.

I’ve made myself a priority in my own life. I engage in activities that bring me joy. I do more things for my heart and soul. This way, I create happiness from the inside out instead of chasing it through other people.

It is not my husband’s responsibility to make me feel valued, cherished, loved, whole, and complete; it’s mine.

Loving ourselves as a whole—mind, body, and soul—is not selfish; it is necessary. Being loved is a human need. However, being needy is something different. I came to understand that people who are taking good care of themselves are less dependent on the approval of others.

I pay attention to my self-talk. I eliminated disempowering words or thoughts from my repertoire: “I am stupid,” “I am too fat,” “I’m a failure,” “I’m not good enough.”

I treat myself with dignity and respect. I talk to myself kindly. I don’t call myself names and I acknowledge myself for my achievements, for my willingness to learn and grow. This way, my cup of self-love is always full, and external praise comes as a bonus.

I practice the art of embracing praise. I take compliments gracefully instead of putting myself down, as if I’m unworthy of such a celebration. I enjoy when people compliment me but I am not dependent on them to feel good about myself.

“It’s not your job to like me; it’s mine.” ~ Byron Katie

Once I decided to embrace myself with love and compassion, being alone didn’t feel scary or hard, and I started to enjoy my own company.

Just think from this perspective: Out of everyone you know in the world, the only person that is always present in your life, non-negotiable, day and night, is you. So if you don’t like being all by yourself, at least from time to time, you might need to work on the most important relationship you’ll ever get in life: the one with yourself.

To some people, the need to be alone could also be a personality issue, as introverted persons want to charge their batteries from the inside out and don’t always need to be surrounded by people. Meanwhile, I have met very extroverted people who suddenly didn’t need to spend so much of their time with others and started focusing more on themselves.

Being liked and included and feeling a sense of belonging to a community are basic human needs. As defined by Descartes, humans are “social animals.” However, many people use others as a diverting tool that helps them run from themselves.

I’ve been there as well in the past—spending time with others to feel seen or included, or keeping the TV switched on all day long in my home, even if I wasn’t watching. In reality, I was using that noise to run from my own thoughts and emotions.

When we have a harmonic relationship with ourselves, we no longer look to other people to fill holes in our self-esteem. We need people but we aren’t emotionally needy. There’s a big difference between the two.

“You can never feel lonely when you like the person you’re alone with.“ ~Wayne Dyer

Source: Tiny Buddha

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FIVE WAYS TO GET RID OF STRETCH MARKS NATURALLY

Stretch marks are a common problem for both men and women and they often tend to have an effect on people’s confidence. Whether it’s there due to pregnancy or sudden weight gain, this is one physical feature that can be commonly seen on the waist, thighs, lower backs, hips, breasts, arms, and buttocks.

Normally, stretch marks appear as bands of parallel lines on your skin. These lines are a different color and texture than your normal skin. They appear when the dermal layer of the skin is suddenly stretched, as in the case of pregnancy.

Here are a few ways to clear up stretch marks naturally;
1. Argan Oil
Vitamin E enriched Argan oil increases the elasticity of skin and rubbing it on the stretch marks might heal the broken tissues gradually making the marks fade.

2. Lemon Juice
Lemon juice is known for its natural bleaching properties, so it helps reduce the visibility effectively. Use fresh lemon juice daily or simply rub a sliced lemon wedge on your marks to see results.

3. Egg White
High in proteins and amino acids, egg white is a super food for the skin. When applied on stretch marks, egg white will help lighten the marks while also tightening the skin.

4. Potato Juice
Potatoes contain starch and other skin lighting enzymes which is why they are often used to lighten dark circles, spots and blemishes from the skin. It bleaches the skin and effectively reduces the visibility of stretch marks when applied regularly.

5. Aloe Vera Gel
Remove the outer layer of the aloe vera leaf and take out the sticky gel from the inside of the leaf. Use the aloe vera gel on stretch marks and wash off with water

By: Chisom Njoku

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IT’S TOUGH PROMOTING FITNESS TO NIGERIANS – RUBY AGU

For someone who once referred to herself as an “exercise junkie”, Ruby Agu does a whole lot more than exercise. She is one of Nigeria’s fastest-growing fitness professionals. Ruby got into the fitness profession after losing 35kg of excess body weight within her first 12 months of a devoted exercise and healthy nutrition lifestyle. In June 2015, she began helping people to begin their weight loss journey – even before she became a NESTA-certified weight management specialist and fitness nutrition coach, an IREP-certified fitness trainer and a Licensed STRONG by Zumba® Instructor.

When Ruby experienced the journey of weight-loss, she began to appreciate all the challenges facing modern women on the same quest and was pushed to solve as many of these problems as she could… by starting her own gym. The  founder of the RA-Fit Club and self-described “serial entrepreneur” has had her fair share of trials, with stories of business success and failure alike. A loving wife, doting mother of three girls and a deeply thankful survivor of a few life threatening health scares. Ruby shares her inspiring journey with me in this interview

Growing up

My childhood didn’t prepare me for what I’m doing now, but you can say that I was somewhat exposed to exercise and fitness at some point during my childhood, because we had neighbors that were actually in professions that made it necessary for them to be at the National Stadium in Surulere every Saturday. It used to be fun listening to them narrate their stadium experiences, and sometimes they would demonstrate some exercises to me. I remember doing my first sit-up crunch. I had just finished my SS3 exams, sitting and waiting for results – while adding weight (LOL). One of my neighbour’s sons (who had just become a referee like his dad) decided to take it upon himself to teach me some exercise moves. So, yes, you could say I had a little taste of it, and it was fun… I found out that I was good at it! But it ended there… or so I thought.

Inspiration behind your fitness club

It’s hard for me to pinpoint any single thing, because I have had a string of life experiences that kept pointing me in this direction. I first got into fitness as a profession after I had successfully shed 30kg of excess body weight within one-year of an intense exercise and healthy nutrition lifestyle. After I had been practicing as a fitness professional for a couple of years, I began to feel an aching need to make real contact with people out there who had expressed a need to be trained and motivated directly by me. It became harder to go beyond a certain level of contact with my people by keeping it purely online. At first all I wanted to do was have somewhat a meeting place where my clients could take part in group training sessions… just something small. But the more I searched for a location, the bigger the idea kept getting. And here we are.

Being a coach, nutrition and weight management specialist, Mom and wife

It’s been a rollercoaster ride, and it got a whole lot crazier after we started the fitness club, but love has kept me moving. The funny thing is that I have been in this crazy routine – as in, we’ve not had any sort of domestic staff in my household – for about 7 years! The fact that I worked from home for the most part of it was clearly an advantage – especially after my husband returned to a rigorous 9-5 routine 6 years ago (leaving home before 6am and sometimes returning after 10pm). There have been different phases in the coping story.

Reception

It’s tough promoting fitness to Nigerians, but I’m thankful for the increase in awareness of wellness, fitness and healthy living in today’s Nigeria. At first the club was very scanty (naturally), but in a year, we had over 200 registered members, and about 2-thirds of them are active and regular.

The neighborhood has welcomed us warmly, judging by the camaraderie we get from our members – who now see themselves as part of one fun-loving fitness family.

 Harsh realities of weight loss and fitness.

For starters, you will have to give away all your big clothes (LOL), and don’t go shopping until you know you’ve hit your target weight… or gotten close. And this can be an insane experience, especially if it takes years of bouncing up and down the scale to get there (which it usually does). But seriously:

It takes time so one needs to be patient and requires taking a firm decision, being dedicated and disciplined – with both exercise and the things you eat or drink.

My Inspiration

I know it sounds cliché, but I am inspired by love itself. I generally want things to work out for everybody – and sometimes that is perceived as a weakness – but that’s how I always remember myself to be. I’m also deeply inspired by well-told stories in movies and international TV series – especially sitcoms, medical, legal and investigative drama types (Grey’s Anatomy, Bull, NCIS, Hawaii 5-0, Criminal Minds). It’s amazing how much family, friendship and pure love are written into these stories. I feed off that too.

I have a lot of people who have inspired me for years, and still do from all over the world, and here in Nigeria as well. But the one person who stands out for me in this sense is Maje Ayida. He has steadily grown his fitness brand in Nigeria, and he practically hand-held me into the level of “fitpreneurship” that I am at right now.

Reward

Oh my gooodnesss! I mean, I love a huge pay cheque – trust me, I do – but I’m going to go cliché on you again by saying this: My greatest reward is and has always been the smiles on the faces of my clients, and the testimonials they share with me when they are seeing progress in their fitness and health. I can’t explain how awesome it feels when a client walks into my office (or calls me on the phone) to say “mehhn, Mrs Ruby, I’ve started dashing out clothes o! They’re now too big for me” or “Ah! I went to see my cardiologist today and he has reduced my BP meds!”. Or even the cutest one ever, “Mrs Ruby, my butt is taking shape o!” LOL!

Challenges

I think that social enterprise leans heavily on education, which in our world today can be translated as content. Sometimes it is hard to keep up the pace of bringing this knowledge to your audience, and it has to be verified content, because you are putting your brand behind it. Ever since I started the RA-Fit club, both my blog and my social media content took a hit, because I used to be a lot more active in these spaces, sharing inspiration, tips and advice on exercise, nutrition, and lifestyle in general. I am working hard on getting my groove back, so that I can bring my wider audience into the excitement that we’re experiencing in the RA-Fit family.

Projects and Activities

I had a health scare in 2014. In summary, I had a surgery by which I survived a close shave with something called endometrial hyperplasia. This experience led me to do a lot of research into female reproductive cancers. In October 2015 I held GyFest, a small gathering of women to shed light on truths about gynaecologic cancers, and to encourage women to speak up… and to speak up fast – whenever they notice any changes in their body. Don’t ignore the signs. Speaking up early saved my life. Running the club has opened my eyes to the fact that so many women are going though a lot of health-related issues, and they keep it to themselves. This year I intend to make GyFest not just an event but a movement, because I’ve learned a lot within the past year about the need to inspire more courage in women.

Giving up

It’s hard running a business (and a startup, for that matter), especially in Nigeria’s current economic environment, but because for me RA-Fit is – first – a labour of love, I can break up with the whole idea of it at night, we kiss and make up in the morning, and I just can’t wait to get to work and do what I do. I have always said that this is a calling for me, not just a career. One of the reasons I didn’t set out to start a gym in the early days of being a fitness professional is the capital-intensive nature of it. It takes a lot, and you sometimes need more support than you think… financial, emotional, spiritual and otherwise. I pray now more than I used to, and I thank God every day – even when the challenges seem most unbearable.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I asked myself the same question before this interview… then the easy answer came to me: my name is Ruby perhaps? (LOL). But seriously I sometimes ask myself where I get the courage to embark on some things. I guess it’s in me. I’ve been through a lot in my life, as a child, a student in university, and in my years as a married woman and mother. Somehow, I think my early-life battles with financial and social status put this thing in me that sees to it that I won’t sit back and do nothing… ever. I’ve had friends refer to me as a fighter – maybe that’s what I was created to be.

Advice for women who are finding it hard to lose weight and are yet to embrace fitness goals.

Our tag-line at RA-Fit is “Find Your Fit”. The truth is, sometimes we spend more energy benchmarking ourselves against what other people are able to accomplish in this space. We don’t all look the same. Every woman’s body is framed in one of so many diverse beautiful ways, and if we would just focus on bringing forth the particular beauty that is ours, then the fitness goals we set for ourselves become more realistic and less scary, because – truth be told – this is not meant to be a one-time thing, it’s a life-long journey. So I would say in short: set realistic goals, take baby steps, be patient and enjoy every stage of you because the next stage will be glad you did.

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