Women of Rubies

Author

Esther Ijewere

Browsing

When I picture life, I picture us all walking down our own winding path, pulling a wagon behind us. Each person’s wagon is filled with their self-belief and self-worth. Walking down the path of life, carrying our inner beliefs, we happily trundle along the path toward whatever our own goal is, but sometimes life isn’t so breezy.

When you’re having a hard time seeing the good in yourself, remember these 5 important things.

1. Opinions Aren’t Facts

At some point in your life, you believed in yourself, and you were feeling great. Then, someone came along and made you doubt yourself. They gave their opinion of you, and it hurt. You believed in yourself less and carried the hurt with you.

You need to understand that the comment was someone’s opinion, not a fact. Just because someone doesn’t see your worth doesn’t mean no one will. You can’t please everyone, so don’t even try.

Someone had an opinion, and that’s okay. We are all entitled to opinions. But it wasn’t a fact. Don’t let that person’s negativity get absorbed into your estimation of yourself. Let it wash over you and float away.

Learn to take feedback critically and consider where there something you can use in the comment to change and grow as a person.

2. Growth Takes Time

Give yourself a break. This is so important if you don’t believe in yourself. You are still growing, and you are learning, failing, and learning again. No one has all the answers, and there is no right way to do something. You are just growing, and you are going to make mistakes, and that doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure. It makes you a human who is growing.

Let go of perfectionism and the idea that you have to have it all together and be right all the time. That pressure is slowing you down and causing you to doubt yourself. Just breathe. You are where you are on your journey, and that is beautiful and it is enough.

Don’t let the pressure of expectation take away from your self-belief. You are not a list of all your successes and failures; you are so much more than that.

Failure is an event, not a personal characteristic.

Learn, grow, and let yourself fail. Don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect as that has never done anyone any good. Embrace your failure and know that you learned something and are moving forward.  There is comfort in having faith that everything will be all right in the future. Your self-belief will thrive when you release these unrealistic expectations.

3. Fear Can’t Stop You

Let’s chat about your fear. When you don’t believe in yourself, it is most likely that you are afraid to. To be yourself and put yourself out there, you risk being criticized for who you are. That is scary, and as we learned from opinions, it can really damage your self-belief.

Believing in yourself takes bravery; you have to be the one who pushes you forward and believes in you. If you don’t, you just stand still. You have to believe in yourself to move forward, and fear holds you back.

  • Fear holds you back from trying in case you fail.
  • Fear stops you letting go of opinions in case they are right and you will have to go through this again.
  • Fear stops you moving forward.

Let go of fear. Adventure forward with careless abandon. Face your fears one by one and say “I see you fear, and I know everything I want is on the other side of you. I see you, and I am afraid, but I am going to face you and move past you anyway and face the consequences of my actions because I believe in myself, and I can handle anything.”.

Never fear failure; failure is just another opportunity to try again, except this time more wisely. It is the best teacher and the fastest way to succeed. Have a healthy relationship with failure and you will have a better relationship with your inner courage.

4. You Are Unique

You are unique, and I say this with all the passion in the world. You are different; you walk down your own unique and wonderful path. Not everyone is going to understand it, but that is how history is made. It is made by people who no one believed in, who stood up, defied fear and doubt and said what they believed.

You don’t have to have support to believe in yourself. You can connect with what you believe in, and if you believe it strongly enough, you can achieve anything. When you don’t believe in yourself, just remember, you are still important and unique, and you still matter.

Don’t give up on your journey because not everyone understands it. Keep connected to the knowledge that you are important and you matter.

Final Thoughts

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. When your self esteem is low, it can be really hard to nurture it all by yourself. Sometimes you need a confidence boost from someone who does believe in you. Don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling and ask for support.

Something to always remember is that your self-belief comes from you, and no one can take it away without your consent. You have the power to validate yourself and your self-esteem and the power to ignore the negativity in the pursuit of your own goals.

Source: Lifehack

A newborn baby made an entrance into the world while holding the contraceptive coil that was supposed to stop her from getting pregnant with him.

The baby boy born at Hai Phong International Hospital in the city of Hai Phong in northern Vietnam, can be seen clasping his mother’s yellow and black intrauterine device (IUD) in his hand.

The coil is supposed to stop sperm fertilising a woman’s eggs.

Obstetrician Tran Viet Phuong said the device had come out when the baby was born. The infant had it held firmly in his hands when the picture was taken, it is claimed.

Dr Phuong told local media: “After delivery, I thought him holding the device was interesting, so I took a picture. I never thought it would receive so much attention.”

The baby’s 34-year-old mother claims she had the coil inserted two years earlier but it did not work because she later discovered she was pregnant.

Baby is born holding his mother

Dr Phuong said the device may have been moved from its original position, becoming an ineffective form of contraception and allowing the mother to become pregnant.

The baby was healthy when born, weighing 7lbs, and both mother and child were under observation in the hospital after the birth, it’s reported.

Baby is born holding his mother

The mother had previously had two other children, according to reports.

The Oyo state police command has arrested a ritualist linked to the serial killings in Akinyele Local Government Area(LGA) of the state.

Confirming the arrest to newsmen on Wednesday July 8, the spokesperson of the state police command, Olugbenga Fadeyi, said

“Yes, we have arrested some suspects in connection with Akinyele killings; we will brief the press soon please” he said

Fatal Owoseni, the Special Adviser on Security Affairs to  Gov. Seyi Makinde, also confirmed the arrest of the suspects in a town hall session organized for stakeholders on tackling security in the Akinyele area today.

” As I speak now, the perpetrators of the killings in Akinyele have been apprehended. As at yesterday the criminals had been apprehended. The person behind it has been taking the police to the ritualists and they are now behind bars,” Owoseni said

Recall that in the last one month, five persons have been killed in mysterious circumstances in the said local government.

Barakat Bello, an 18-year-old student was raped and killed in her home on June 2.

On June 5, a pregnant woman, Azeezat Shomuyiwa’s head was smashed with a stone.

On June 13, Grace Oshiagwu, a female student of Oke-Ogun Polytechnic, was killed inside a church in the local government.

On June 24, a 42-year-old married woman, Mrs. Olusayo Fagebemi was hacked to death in front of her home, and on June 22, a 5 year old boy , Mujeeb, was also hacked to death inside his compound.

Abimbola Balogun, is  the co-founder of SoFresh, a healthy food chain, providing fresh delicious, nutrient-rich healthy meals and committed to promoting a healthy lifestyle.

Abimbola, together with her husband, Goke, founded the company in a little corner shop in the Ogba area of Lagos after moving to Lagos from Kwara state, a year prior.

So Fresh was originally founded as Fruitivegies Limited in 2010 – a modernised Farmer’s Market. It was conceived to be a departure from our traditional way of shopping for fresh produce in Nigeria, by providing a clean serene and hygienic environment for Nigerians to buy fresh produce.

In a few weeks of opening the store, Abimbola and Goke discovered the market wanted something more and they started to shift focus to freshly prepared meals, in order to tap into the increasing health consciousness and culture shift in the ‘what’, ‘how’ and ‘where’ people shop for food.

Reality soon hit 2 months later and sales were dropping. They decided to take to the streets, engaging in door-to-door advertising and distribution of flyers. Sales began to go up again. But by the end of 2012, they encountered a bigger issue – sales kept going up, but there was no profit.

Early 2013 was a defining point for the company – to stop the business or keep going, with a different strategy. Abimbola and Goke took the latter, invested almost x5 of their initial capital, and moved to the Ikoyi area of Lagos, to a bigger market yet to mature, to set up another store. This was round the time the name was changed to SoFresh.

Two years after that move, SoFresh opened a second outlet at Opebi in 2015, then a third at MMA2 Airport, Ikeja in 2017. SoFresh currently has 9 locations across Lagos and Abuja.

Abimbola is a Law graduate from the University of Ilorin and apart from running SoFresh, she’s also an HR professional, focusing on capacity building for organisational growth.

Abimbola and Goke’s story is one of determination, passion and partnership that works, and we hope it’s something you can learn from.

A former Australian surfing star has bravely opened up about her horrific ordeal after she was kidnapped and raped every night for two months in India.

Carmen Greentree, 37, from Sydney shared the harrowing details about her horrific experiences in her new book ‘A Dangerous Pursuit of Happiness.’

Australian pro surfer who was abducted and raped every night for two months on a squalid houseboat in India shares her horror ordeal

In the book, she tells how her dream trip to India in 2004 turned into a nightmare when was abducted after seeking help from a local to find her way to Dharamshala. She was forced onto a houseboat where she was raped multiple times and beaten whenever she asked to be freed.

“I didn’t think I was ever getting off that boat, I thought I would die there one way or another,” she told Daily Mail Australia.

Carmen, who dreamt of being a surfing world champion and also represent her country across the globe for competitions, took a break from the sport after failing to qualify for the world tour at 22. It was at that time she took a sabbatical to India where she went through hell.

“I got really devastated and lost,” she told 9 News. “For seven years of my life I was 100 percent, morning to night, solely focused on being world champion.

“Nothing else mattered more than that. It was an escape from life.”

The married mum-of-three said she wrote about the ordeal in her book to help combat her demons.

She also revealed that a Brit backpacker has since told her he was kidnapped and extorted on the same boat.

Carmen told the Mail: “I had travelled so much that I was used to winging it.”

Her ordeal started when she was approached by a stranger who offered to take her to someone who could arrange her journey to Dharamshala. Unknown to her, she was tricked into flying to Kashmir where she was met by a man who said it would be safer to stay with him.

She said the man told her it would be best to spend the night on his houseboat on Dal Lake before jumping on a bus to Dharamshala, where she was booked into a course at the Dalai Lama’s ashram.

After days fighting him off for her release, she soon realised that she had been trapped on the squalid boat.

 

A woman is lucky to be alive after her gateman conspired with criminals to attack her and her kids when her husband was away on business.

Ifeoma Ibeneme Nwokeoma explained that she had gone out with her kids. When they got home, as she drove into the compound and got out of the car, three armed men with cutlasses attacked them, forced them into the house and started torturing her as they forced her to produce 30 million Naira.

Mum-of-two narrates how her gateman planned an attack on her and her kids, demanded 30 million Naira, and strangled her with a rope

She said each time she told them she didn’t have the money, they cut her with the cutlass. She added that they also asked for her PIN and tried to make transfers from her mobile bank app.

Mum-of-two narrates how her gateman planned an attack on her and her kids, demanded 30 million Naira, and strangled her with a rope

At this point, her husband felt something was wrong and sent people to the house. On hearing neighbours banging on the gate, the criminals allegedly became desperate and strangled the woman with a rope until they thought she was dead. Fortunately, the woman regained consciousness after they left and she ran to check on her kids, one suffered a cutlass wound but they were safe.

Mum-of-two narrates how her gateman planned an attack on her and her kids, demanded 30 million Naira, and strangled her with a rope

Sharing photos of her injuries, she wrote:

I have come with a heart filled with thanksgiving to the king of kings, the giver of life, for showing me and my household mercy and delivering us from heartless armed men.

On Saturday, the 4the of July 2020, my husband had travelled for work. So I was home alone with my girls. We had gone to visit my younger sister and came back at about 7pm. Sadly, unknown to me, my gateman whom I showed nothing but love had connived with his gang members and laid ambush in the compound to attack us .

The moment I drove into the compound, he rushed to start the generator, on coming out of the car and proceeding to the house with my kids, these three armed men with long and short sparkly cutlasses came out from the back of the building and attacked us, me particularly. God removed their attention from my children. They threatened them not make noise and locked them in their room.

They tortured me with all those arms they came with, asking for 30million naira. I was like who keeps 30 million naira in the house.
Each time they asked for money and didn’t get a favourable response from me , they beat, punched the hell out of me. They kept using their leg to smash my head and promised to kill me that night if I didn’t give them 30 million naira.

They took my ATM cards and asked for the pin. At some point they asked me to do a transfer for them; which I was trying to do, but as God will have it, my husband felt it and started calling non-stop and called some other family members who started calling all the phones in the house including my children’s phones, which started ringing almost at the same time. Myhusband who suspected that all was not right sent some neighbours who came and kept banging at the gate, which cut their raid short. While they where beating me, I kept praying in all the languages I know. They tied my hand and legs so tight, then two of the men held my neck so tight and where trying to strangle me to death. And when it seemed their hand was not working, they used rope to tie my neck and kept strangling me. While they were doing that, I had made my peace with God, said my last prayers when something miraculous happened. I was knocked out for some seconds, my breath ceased but I was still conscious. How I got the energy to do that I can’t explain, and when that happened they thought I was dead. They raided the house, made away with phones, tablets, money, ATM and some valuables, and ran away.

When I didn’t hear noises again, I got up, untied my legs, ran down stairs and locked the door, went to my children’s room and found them under the duvet. My daughter got a knife, cut those ropes and immediately we started hearing banging at the gate. I rushed and asked who it was, and it was my neighbours. The moment they opened the gate, I slumped and they rushed me to the hospital.

Honestly, it was so horrible and the trauma is something else. Please keep us in your prayers. God showed me mercy and preserved my life. If my body is filled with lips, it’s not enough to thank you dear Lord.

Please help me and thank the King of Kings for counting me worthy

Mum-of-two narrates how her gateman planned an attack on her and her kids, demanded 30 million Naira, and strangled her with a rope

An eight-year-old Russian girl who ran away from home following an argument she had with her parents was raped and killed after being picked up by a married couple in their car.

The victim, Vika Teplyakova went missing on Monday, July, 6 after she left her parents’ home in Novoaleksandrovsk on Sakhalin island in Russia.

More than 500 people reportedly volunteered to search for her after she was seen in a CCTV footage for a final time walking alone along a road while wearing a T-shirt and blue shorts.

The young girl went missing for three days before a 32-year-old woman informed police she and her husband had given the child a lift.

Today, Police identified the couple as Igor and Kristina Dvornikov and released pictures of the detained husband and wife suspected of carrying out the horrific crimes.

The man told his wife he would ‘attack’ the girl and ‘the woman did nothing to stop it because she was too scared of him’, according to a police source.

CCTV shows last moment of an 8-year-old girl who was raped and killed by a married couple after she ran away from home following an argument with her parents

The girl was raped and strangled with a plastic bag. She died on Monday, the day she went missing, said police.

The law enforcement also revealed that the man’s wife took them to where the girl’s body was hidden near a lake.

Igor Dvornikov initially denied abducting, abusing, and killing the girl, but later confessed to the horrific crimes, according to law enforcement.

It was also reported that the man gave the little girl a sum of money- £1.70 – and took her to a supermarket before she was attacked.

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CCTV shows last moment of an 8-year-old girl who ran away from her parents following an argument before she was raped and killed by a 'married couple' : An eight-year-old Russian girl who ran away from home following an argument she had with her parents was raped and killed after being picked up by a married couple in their car. : The victim, Vika Teplyakova went missing on Monday, July, 6 after she left her parents' home in Novoaleksandrovsk on Sakhalin island in Russia. : More than 500 people reportedly volunteered to search for her after she was seen in a CCTV footage for a final time walking alone along a road while wearing a T-shirt and blue shorts. : The young girl went missing for three days before a 32-year-old woman informed police she and her husband had given the child a lift. : Today, Police identified the couple as Igor and Kristina Dvornikov and released pictures of the detained husband and wife suspected of carrying out the horrific crimes. : The man told his wife he would 'attack' the girl and 'the woman did nothing to stop it because she was too scared of him', according to a police source. : The girl was raped and strangled with a plastic bag. She died on Monday, the day she went missing, said police. : The law enforcement also revealed that the man's wife took them to where the girl's body was hidden near a lake. : Igor Dvornikov initially denied abducting, abusing, and killing the girl, but later confessed to the horrific crimes, according to law enforcement. 📽: Mail Online

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The 11-year-old son of a single mother who cried out for help today on Twitter, has been found.

Nelo Atuanya said her 11-year-old son named Atuanya Chiemezie Victor was found in Asaba where he went to board a bus so that he could go to Lagos. She said those at the park detained him until someone from her town showed up and brought him back home.

"He was detained in Asaba" Missing 11-year-old son of single mother is found alive and healthy

The grateful mum wrote: “Pls help me RT that he has been found ooo, he was detained in Asaba where he went to board to Lagos and brought back this morning to my hometown.”

"He was detained in Asaba" Missing 11-year-old son of single mother is found alive and healthy

She added: “Glory to God umunnem He has been found. Your prayers and concerns got him safe. He was found in Asaba where he went to take bus to Lagos and was detained by the park people, until they found someone from my hometown who then brought him back to the village not up to 30mins ago.”

Before he was found, his mum had said that he was last seen at the Lagos park in Onitsha, Anambra state.

 

 

Popular Tanzanian actress, Zena Yusuf Mohammed aka Shilole has announced her decision to end her marriage of 3-years, citing domestic violence.

On Wednesday, July 8, the actress took to her Instagram page to share photos of her battered face as she opened up about her violence-riddled marriage. She alleged that she had been a victim of domestic violence throughout her marriage to her husband Uchebe, whom she started dating in 2016.

In the heartbreaking post, which she wrote in Swahili, the actress, 32, also issued an apology for staying quiet about her issues while encouraging other women in violent or abusive marriages to speak out for help.

She wrote:

 

“I am writing this with a clear mind and conscience. First, I would like to apologise to my family. I am seeking your forgiveness because I assured you that my marriage was trouble-free, while in reality, it wasn’t peaceful.

 

I have been a victim of domestic violence and other evil acts I cannot speak about on this platform.

Tanzanian actress, Zena Yusuf Mohammed ends her 3-year marriage after allegedly being assaulted by her husband; shares photos of her battered face

“I apologise because every time I heard my fellow women cry for justice after being assaulted by their spouses, I would urge them to voice out their grievances. When I heard that there was a woman from Kigamboni, who had been fatally battered and her body set alight by her husband, I was the first one to say: ‘she should have spoken out about her marital troubles’. I pretended that I was not one of the domestic abuse victims; I distanced myself from the group of women who were victims of domestic violence. Forgive me.

“[As an artist], I am a role model to many in the society; I represent women on many fronts. Today, I have decided to break my silence on my marital woes. My husband Ashrafu Sadiki, popularly known as Uchebe, has been battering me too much!

“And, after meting out violence on me, he never calls to show concern or know about my wellbeing. Other people, unknown to me, are the ones who usually nurse me in hospitals after being beaten up by my spouse. In my marriage, there are many other bad things that have been done to me, making my union lack the expected bliss.

Tanzanian actress, Zena Yusuf Mohammed ends her 3-year marriage after allegedly being assaulted by her husband; shares photos of her battered face
“Making matters worse, I am a mother; a parent of children who look up to me as their mother and father. I won’t allow myself to be killed and leave my children motherless, not today!

“I loved Uchebe, I persevered to be with him despite his inadequacies; I gave him everything (my innocence, my wealth, and when he needed a woman to stand by him so that he could get on his feet — financially and socially — I was there for him). I did all that because I knew he and I were together in everything as husband and wife. Despite all that, my sacrifices did not stop him from battering me endlessly, disrespecting and betraying me.

“Two days ago, when I returned home from my livelihood-seeking activities in Dar es Salaam, he seriously beat me up, forgetting that I had gone out there to look for food not only for my children, but also him. Why did he assault me? Because of petty marital conflicts that are present in all marriages. He did not batter me because he had found me cheating on him, or on issues that are hard to solve through dialogue, no. Furthermore, I respect him so much.

“Nonetheless, he saw the best way of solving the small dispute that we had, was through battering me senselessly. I was asleep when he punched me in the face.

“I know there is a section of people who will fault me for bringing to social media my marital woes, however, I would like to tell them that I was left with no other choice but to share my predicaments on this platform. What happens in my life, [being a public figure], should be known by my fans. Many people in the society look up to me as their role model.

Tanzanian actress, Zena Yusuf Mohammed ends her 3-year marriage after allegedly being assaulted by her husband; shares photos of her battered face
“I have had enough [of domestic abuse], and from now henceforth, I would like to state categorically that no one should refer to me as Uchebe’s wife. People should refer to me as ‘that mother who chose to prioritise her children’s welfare and wellbeing at the expense of a toxic relationship’. They should describe me as ‘that woman who chose her happiness and safety [over a violence-ridden marriage].

“My female fans and other women in the society should use this social media post of mine as a strong message that says ‘we [as women] should speak up when we have been reduced to punching bags and recipients of brutality, because if we don’t, we’ll end up dead someday’.”

Whenever you hit a rough patch in life, it can seem like the problems you’re confronting are unique to you and that the whole world is closing in. It might be that you are struggling to find a way out and just can’t see the light of hope anywhere when the going gets tough.

Thankfully, although you might not see it, there is always hope. Nothing lasts forever—not even bad times—and doing things like remembering why you started in the first place and practicing using your courage muscle are just a couple of things that can shorten the difficult times.

If you could find a way to not only survive but thrive when the going gets tough, how would your life change for the better?

Here are ten ways you can do to make that happen today.

1. Realize How Far You Have Come

Whenever you get discouraged on the path to wherever you want to go, it is usually because you are only looking forward, not around you or behind you. Your journey through life will last until your final day, so it is no wonder that you still see a long and sometimes daunting path ahead.

To keep going despite this, it’s important to take a moment or two to look around. Look at where you are standing now compared to when you first started. Look at how far you have come since you first began. Look at how many obstacles and challenges are behind you that you managed to overcome successfully.

The benefits of reflective practice are also extensive, and it is little wonder why.[1]

Looking back at how far you have come is usually the fire you need to keep on burning brightly into the future.

2. Remember Why You Started

When the going gets tough, you need something to cling to in order to keep your grit and remind yourself why you started doing something in the first place. Without this all-important “whyyou will be quick to wander from your path.

Whenever things are at their worst, your number one reason for doing the thing is going to be what pulls you through.

As ex-Navy Seal and motivation master David Goggins puts it:

“‘Why am I here?’ If you know that moment is coming and have your answer ready, you will be equipped to make the split-second decision to ignore your weakened mind and keep moving. Know why you’re in the fight to stay in the fight!”

Sometimes, life can be a bit of a fight, especially within yourself. So, having your reasons for continuing will always help pull you out when times are tough. Try writing these down and posting them in places you look at every day to help them have even more impact.

3. Make It a Habit to Move Forward

Habits are some of the strongest behavioral predictors that we have. Most of our habits happen in our subconscious and are triggered by external or internal cues.

The great thing about habits is that they can be formed through conscious, repeated behaviors, and when practiced enough, they can eventually take their place in the subconscious and guide your life.

Of course, you want good habits to be guiding your life in the background, not bad ones. That’s why it’s a good idea to make it a habit to always move forward.

Contrary to what most people say, moving forward doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to be better every single day for the rest of your life. There are going to be slip-ups, bad days, and circumstances that blow you off course.

Moving forward is all about getting back on track as fast as possible. If you can make that a habit, you can always get closer to where you want to go.

4. Use ‘If-Then’ Planning

When the going gets tough in your life, one of the most effective frameworks that you can put into place is called the ‘if-then’ planning.

This is the simplified version of something called Implementation Intention, a concept created by psychologist Peter Gollwitzer in the mid-’90s. It helps you to make sense of confusing situations and to be able to take action when you are really struggling.

5. Find Some Mentors

With the internet becoming more expansive and accessible as it has ever been, there are so many ways to get a peek into the world’s top minds and see what they do in their own lives when the going gets tough.

Most successful people have had to overcome some serious struggles to get to where they are. Do a simple search online, and you will no doubt find out about all of the challenges that your favorite people have had to overcome.

Because of this, you should try to take inspiration from these people and find your own mentors. It’s worth recognizing that nobody trying to live their best life can ever get through it without their fair share of challenges to overcome. That’s just part of the hero’s journey.

6. Get out of Your Head

Sometimes, all of the reasoning, thinking, planning, and ruminating in the world doesn’t get you anywhere. In fact, for the serial thinkers and problem-solvers out there, it is oftentimes that too much time in your head results in even more struggle rather than a release of it.

Yes, some things can be solved by thinking. But when the going gets really tough, it is usually just pure heart, emotion, and grit that are going to carry you through. Your mind can become a tyrant, and it is worth being aware of this.

When you feel your own thoughts weighing you down and can’t stop the incessant thinking and worrying about the past, present, and/or future, it is time to step out of your mind for a little while and get into your body. Lift some weights, go for a run, or take a pleasant walk.

The mind and body are much more connected than most people think—especially when it comes to emotions and fears and doing something beneficial for the body often benefits the unsettled mind as well.[3]

7. Ruthlessly Forgive Yourself

One of the worst things you can do when the going gets tough is to come down hard on yourself. Everyone has these external and internal struggles, and the harder you are on yourself for having them, the more difficult and traumatic the episodes will be when you inevitably slip up.

A lot of people are far harder on themselves than they are on other people, and to keep going in tough times, you need to be just as empathetic with yourself as you would be with your best friend.

Made a mistake? Forgive. Are you still giving yourself a hard time? Forgive. Are you still getting angry over small things “even though we talked about this”? Forgive.

The hard times are much easier to get through when you are at peace with yourself. You will be astonished by how much less pressure you feel when this happens.

8. Take Smaller Steps

It is common for people to stumble in life because they are simply taking on too much at once. Whether it be too much ambition, unrealistic expectations of themselves or others, or some extra curveballs, big steps can sometimes be too much to take.

The truth about big steps is that they are rare, disruptive, and difficult to keep up without crumbling. The big steps—the real life-changing goals and dreams that you have—can often be broken into much smaller steps that are more manageable and that will get you to the same place.

If the going is getting particularly tough, it might be the case that you are simply trying to do too much at once. Try taking smaller, more manageable steps, and see if obstacles and difficulties become easier to navigate.

9. Use Twenty Seconds of Insane Courage

Everyone will agree that the courage we have stored within ourselves is often finite and difficult to sustain for long periods. We tend to think that making a big change in our life and getting out of a rut requires courage for long periods that we simply cannot manage.

The good news is that this isn’t true. Most of the pivotal moments of change in your life—including pulling yourself out of a hole when the going gets tough—come from small, courageous decisions in short, precise moments.

Quite often, using twenty seconds of insane courage when it is needed is enough to completely change the trajectory of our lives. Whether it be asking for that promotion, deciding to go to the gym for the first time in months, or having the courage to break through your insecurities and ask someone out, most of these only require a few seconds of insane courage.

Standing up and walking into your boss’s office, getting the gym kit on, picking up the phone or sending the text—you only have to be courageous in these few moments, and then you can relax and let life unfold.

Twenty seconds? You can do that, easily.

10. Accept That Your Motivation Will Wane

One of the main reasons that people get discouraged and struggle to keep going in hard times is that they never expected their motivation to dip.

When we start a project or enter a relationship or take something new and exciting on in our lives, our motivation is high, and we are in a mindset of excitement. We start thinking about all of the positives that could come from these things.

However, as time wears on, motivation levels inevitably drop, and you start to focus on the negatives of what’s happening or the added responsibility that you forgot to consider.

When this happens, you have two choices:

  1. You can put on your rose-colored glasses of the past and falsely remember how perfect everything was;
  2. Or you can put on your realistic glasses, face the difficulties, and keep moving forward into something better.

The true test of character comes when you hit a dip, motivation wanes, and you just don’t feel like doing stuff anymore. The secret is to realize that all of this is temporary and that you don’t need motivation to act.

It’s nice to have motivation, but the true test of character comes when motivation inevitably wanes. In those moments, will you keep going?

Final Thoughts

So there you have it. Each of these ten ideas for how to keep going when the going gets tough is versatile enough to be applied to almost any difficult situation that you find yourself in.

Life is going to present many difficulties. This isn’t something to fear but something to embrace. With these steps, you can navigate these stormy waters a little easier.