Canada’s first Black Caribbean family-based reality show returns for its second season, premiering Saturday, Feb. 11 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on CTV. Encore presentations to air Sundays at 2 p.m. ET/PT on CTV2, beginning Feb. 12, with episodes also available on CTV.ca and the CTV app.
“We’re so excited to be back on CTV after another successful run on Bell Fibe TV1 – and during Black History Month too, which gives us an opportunity to show a positive representation of family during this significant time for our community,” exclaimed Jillian Danford, aka Auntie Jillian. “Even through challenging times like the pandemic, our show is a great reminder that family is so important and we should cherish the time we have together.”
When cultures collide, hilarity often ensues and for The Danford family, the fun-loving and laugh-out-loud moments are endless. In Season 2, AUNTIE JILLIAN keeps viewers wondering what hysterical shenanigans this family will encounter next with focus on the themes of family – including those who have passed on – baseball training with former pro-ball player, Nigel Wilson, the COVID-19 pandemic, tarot card readings, and more! Jillian Danford (“Auntie Jillian”), her husband Warren, and adult children Myles and Milan are bound to bring some laughter and scenarios that many Canadian families can find relatable.
Meet Auntie Jillian
Jillian Danford is a YouTube, television and social media personality who gained popularity on YouTube as Auntie Jillian with more than 100,000 subscribers and over 15 million views. This well-loved Trinidadian-Canadian personality along with her husband Warren and their adult children, Myles and Milan, have captured the hearts of viewers both online and on TV.
AUNTIE JILLIAN airs: Saturdays at 8 p.m. ET on CTV and Sundays at 2 p.m. ET on CTV2
Feb. 11 & 12: Baseball & Medium
Feeling worthless , down or unmotivated? This article is for you.
It hit hard by a message Inbox yesterday when a sister told me she feels useless because nothing is working for her, and she needed words of encouragement. Encouragement is one of the easiest things you could give anyone, If you yourself have enjoyed being encouraged several times.
Feelings of worthlessness can come at any time in your life, but if you are suddenly feeling like you can’t do anything right or that you aren’t worthy of the things you have in your life, you might be wondering what has happened to your self-confidence.
You are not alone. Feelings of unworthiness can be triggered at any time, especially during your development years.
What’s even more possible is that if you are struggling with your self-confidence as an adult, it’s likely that you have had some experience with others telling you that you aren’t worthy and you might have been harboring those old feelings in some way now.
If you can’t shake that feeling that your self-confidence is waning, it might be time to start exploring why that is. Here’s how.
Someone else has been telling you that you are not good enough
It’s hard to understand why anyone would say mean things to another person, especially unprovoked, but many people grow up in households where they have been told repeatedly that they are worthless.The more you dig into your thoughts about what others have said about you or to you, the less power they have over you and the more likely you are to be able to create new thoughts about yourself.
You are comparing yourself to others
You probably spend a lot of time looking at other people, reading about other people, wishing you had another life, made more money, had a different job or house.If you find yourself doing this, you need to stop and start practicing gratitude for what you have in your life.
You’ve experienced great change in your life
Sometimes a change in our identity can alter our sense of self. If you have been separated or divorced (Like me) or lost a job, you might not know how to quantify your value.Many people look to their careers as a way to validate their success in the world and if you have recently lost yours, you might find it difficult to relate to others and the life you once had.When you’re dealing with trauma or heartbreaking change, it can become easy to blame yourself.
You feel like everyone is against you
You might find that you feel bad about yourself, not because of the thoughts you are having about yourself, but because of the thoughts you are having about other people!Sometimes we put words in other people’s mouths and we think they are thinking things about us even when they are not.
If you feel like the whole world is against you, it’s not because they are out to get you, it’s because you think they are. When you create these situations in your mind, you find that they often come true.You’ll start to see evidence of how people are working against you, even when they are not.In order to deal with this, you need to turn your attention inward and ask yourself why you think people are out to get you.
You are Negative:
I was this person for a longtime , till I found my own light.Do you find yourself dwelling on criticisms or mistakes you’ve made? That negative events tend to draw your attention more than positive events? It is called “Negative Bias”. They keep you in a negative box.
What to do when you feel worthless?
Get up and Keep it moving, Be your own motivation
Ask Questions: Ask questions about how you do things, why you do them, and what you get out of them. Use the information you discover to help you move forward. For me, I find that writing in a journal every day allows me to get to know what I’m really thinking and feeling.
Be Present , Be in the now: Lack of self-confidence often comes from living in the future. Being in the now allows you to accept where you are and where you’ve come from instead of putting pressure on yourself to get where you are trying to go later. It is called “Mindfulness” , It is a tool I use to draw myself back to the present and focus on what is most important; Now.
Feeling worthless is a common human experience for many people. Whether it’s from growing up in a non-supportive environment, a trauma-based event or the tendency to compare ourselves to others, feelings of worthlessness are difficult to deal with no matter who you are.
But learning to practice mindfulness to allow us to question our own thoughts and emotions allows us to take a step back from the mind and understand that we don’t need to think negatively about ourselves.
Taking an objective look at reality will allow you to see that you have a lot of potential and skills, a lot to be grateful for, and you don’t need to believe your own negative thoughts.
When you are a child and dream of your “happily ever after,” it never dawns on you that your marriage might not end up that way. I mean, let’s face it – all the Disney movies in the world never, ever hint to the fact that Cinderella and her Prince Charming would ever have any problems, right?
Well, Disney movies aren’t real life. Although we all know this on a conscious level, we still – in our hearts – hope that we will be the exception to the rule. We think that we will be one of the lucky ones who have a lifelong, happy marriage.
However, for many couples, it simply doesn’t happen. Why is that? Well, the reasons are many, which I will go into in a minute. But no one teaches us how to have a loving marriage. And if we didn’t see our parents living happily together, then we really have no model for it.
So, what if you find yourself in an unhappy marriage? How to fix a broken marriage and save your relationship?
Reasons that Lead to a Broken Marriage
I really wish all of us could take a class in school called Relationships 101. But no one is ever formally taught how to have a good marriage (or any relationship for that matter). What is the result? The result is that all of us just sort of fly by the seat of our pants and wing it when it comes to relationships. But if you want to have a happy, healthy, successful marriage, you can’t do that.
Here are some of the causes of a broken marriage.
Laziness
Everyone says relationships are hard and take a lot of hard work. Well, think about it. Anything in this life that is worth having takes effort, right? I mean, unless you win the lottery, you won’t become rich without hard work.
Relationships are no different. You have to put in effort into your marriage. If you don’t, and are too lazy to keep it alive, it will die.
Selfishness
Many people are selfish to some extent. But when it comes at the price of a healthy marriage, then it’s a problem. You can’t always put your needs first. You have to put your partner’s needs at least equal to – or before – your own. Otherwise, resentment will keep building endlessly.
Neglect
This goes hand-in-hand with laziness and selfishness. If you are lazy and don’t put in effort, and you are constantly selfish, then you are neglecting your partner – and your relationship as a whole.
Relationships are like plants. If you don’t water a plant, it will die. If you neglect a marriage, it will eventually end as well.
Children
As much as we love them, children are hard on a marriage. If you are honest with yourself, you know it’s true. Children take a lot of time and energy – time and energy that could spent on your marriage. So, when couples don’t stay connected because children get in the way, then your marriage will break down.
Poor Communication Skills
Knowing how to talk to your partner to express your feelings and needs is essential. However, both people need to do the same and have empathy for the other person.
If empathy (the ability to identify with and see the other person’s point of view) doesn’t exist, then it’s virtually impossible to have a healthy marriage.
How to Fix a Broken Marriage (without Couseling)
Sometimes, we feel hopeless when we’re in a bad marriage. You wonder if it is ever possible to rediscover the good relationship you had in the beginning. The answer is yes, but you have to put in some work.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have the financial means to go to counseling. However, if you do, I would suggest that as a first step.
Even if this is not an option, here are some steps you can try:
1. Take a Good Look at Yourself
It takes two to tango. I’m sure you’ve heard that saying before. In other words, problems in a relationship are rarely the sole responsibility of just one person.
Take a look at your behaviors and speculate how they might have contributed to the state of your marriage.
2. Take Responsibility for Your Own Actions
Now that you know what you did to contribute to your marital problems, own up to them. Tell your spouse how you feel, and then commit to changing your behavior immediately.
3. Be Honest with Yourself and Your Spouse
Sometimes it’s easier to put your head in the sand and ignore the problems. But your marriage won’t get any better if you do this!
Sit down and be honest with yourself about the state of the marriage. Then, take your feelings to your spouse and have a deep, heart-to-heart talk.
4. Have a Talk
This is an obvious step, but it needs to be done. You can’t map out a plan for the future if you don’t even talk about your problems to begin with.
5. Each Partner Explains His/Her Perception of the Problems
Perception is reality. In other words, your spouse probably sees the marriage in a very different way than you do. So, you need to listen to your partner’s point of view.
6. Just Listen
While your spouse is explaining their point of view, just listen to them. Don’t talk. Don’t interrupt them. Instead, stay calm and don’t get defensive.
7. Make a List of Things That Both People Want to Change
In order to rebuild your marriage, things obviously need to change – on both sides. So, both of you need to write down, and talk about, what needs to be changed in the marriage.
8. Write out a “Contract”
It’s easy for people to say they are going to change, but it’s another thing for them to actually follow through with it. So, it’s best to write a “contract” between the two of you and sign it. This shows commitment to each other for change.
9. Spend Quality Time Together
You can’t rebuild your marriage if you aren’t spending time together! It seems obvious, but you need to rediscover each other, and spending quality time talking and doing things is imperative.
10. Ditch the Technology
Believe it or now, technology is a huge culprit in the downfall of relationships. Whether it’s the TV, cell phone, or video games, spending too much time with technology and not each other is the kiss of death. Make sure you put that down and talk to each other on a regular basis.
Can You Fix a Broken Marriage Alone?
This is a very common question that I am asked, which does not have an easy answer. In fact, my first instinct is to answer “it cannot be done.” I truly do believe it takes two committed people to rebuild a marriage. However, if you don’t have a willing spouse, you can try these steps if you are desperate enough to try to go it alone:
Take a Look Back at What Happened in the Marriage
Do a “relationship autopsy.” In other words, how did the marriage die? Just like a literal dead body is dissected after death, you can look at your marriage and see what went wrong.
If you find that a lot of the causes were because of YOU, then you can change your actions.
Notice Any Common Patterns That Have Emerged over the Years
Relationships always develop patterns. Some are good, and some are bad. So, you need to look for recurring themes in your marriage that may have gotten you into trouble. Once you identify them, try something new instead of repeating the same actions in the future.
Final Thoughts
Rebuilding a marriage is not easy, but it can be done. The easiest way to have a healthy relationship is to not let it break down in the first place. However, since that’s not an option, all the tips in this article will definitely put you both on the path to resurrecting what was lost.
Blessing does a lot of counselling around Sexual Reproductive Health and Rights and she is very vast at the work she does. She works with individuals, communities, stakeholders, gatekeepers, organizations and most importantly, Policy makers using community mobilization and engagement techniques for the purpose of social justice.
She has played different roles in the success of different policies in Nigeria, Africa, and Canada either through high level meetings, sensitization, training, contributions .
One thing that makes Blessing happy is seeing the young feminists she has mentored over the years make giant strides and contribute to the conversations, policies and rights of girls and women globally.
She works part time with the Nigerian community in Canada providing support, client management, and referrals in a prominent non-profit organization and works in the movie industry building and rigging sets.
In this interview, the fearless feminists share her inspiring story with Esther Ijewere
Childhood Influence
My childhood prepared me for what I do now, everything has added up to this moment and the future to come. I grew up in Kaduna alternating between my parents and grand aunt’s house. I grew up having people advocate for me and most importantly giving me room to advocate for myself. Asides church and school, both parties always ensured I picked up a skill or joined extracurricular activities like the famous Space2000, sports learning instruments etc., I did not always like it but every skill I have picked up along the way has contributed to my life. I also had my rebellious phase.
My Passion For Sexual Reproductive Health And Rights (SRHR)
When I was ten or so, one of the sisters in church was seen with a brother in church. Guess who everyone had smoke for? The sister. I remember asking why Bros J was exempted and the answers did not make sense to me at the time, but I also remember my mom sticking up for her and saying if she was going to get punished then he too had to be punished (my mom faced her own share of criticism for this move). It stayed with me for a long time. Then I got pregnant as a teenager and that experience changed my life forever.
From trying to get an abortion and deciding against it because of how dirty and scary the place was among other reasons, the stigma, my parents having to stand up for me, registering and attending antenatal, teenagers confiding in me, me starting a sexuality education club launched me fully into SRHR. The more I worked and related with people, the more the scope of what I was doing increased.
I was just doing my thing in one small corner in Ogbomosho and boom, I was growing, learning, unlearning, and rising through the ranks. People wanted to listen to me not just because I had professional experience but here, I was, a living experience of how SRHR impacts girls and women.
One experience that has also stayed with me and I have talked about this a lot is talking to secondary school students about abstinence and this student stands up and asks me what about those who were already sexually active, don’t they deserve information, resources, services, and support.
Managing My Role As A Feminist, Advocate, Storyteller And Community Based Researcher
Thankfully, all these roles intersect, managing these roles comes with a lot of listening, confidentiality, unpacking my personal biases, humility, passion, learning, unlearning, field work, talking, data, taking up and giving space to others.
Journey Since I Became An Advocate
Fulfilling. Very fulfilling. It has its difficulties and takes a lot from one individually and as a collective, but it is very fulfilling. I have learnt so much and in the same vein, I have contributed so much to conversations, policies etc. globally. Feedback, especially when someone comes back to say something you said or did contribute to xyz in my life, it gives drive to do more. When I am quoted in certain rooms and data, it makes the work worth it. The women saved from abusive situations, girls & women saved from FGM, the policies, research, movements one has been and is a part of among others all add up.
My Thoughts On FGM As It Relates To Africa, Especially Nigeria
We still have a long way to go with Female Genital Mutilation in Nigeria and Africa as a whole, yes I admit that progress is being made but there is still a long way to go especially as FGM is now becoming more medicalized (carried out by more medical practitioners to argue for its safety) and type 4 becoming more rampant (Type IV includes pricking, piercing, incising, scraping, cauterization, nicking of the clitoris, burning or scarring the genitals, introducing substances into the vagina to tighten it, Labia stretching among others). We need to go beyond the beautiful laws we have on paper to effective implementation and systems in place.
My Work In the Non-Profit Sector
I work in a non-profit organization providing client management, support, referrals, information, and services to the Nigerian community. Initially, the role catered to Nigerian women providing a safe space for conversations and interventions, but we eventually expanded the role to cater for the entire community – men, women, young people etc. . The lessons I have learnt is that first, a lot of Nigerians associate shame and stigma with accessing numerous services especially if they are free or government provided/subsidized and so I get to be creative and meet people where they are to ensure they access these services. Second, Nigerians are not unlearning certain mindsets when they migrate and get in trouble because of it.
Importance Of Therapy To Healing
Therapy is very important to healing. It helps you hold up a mirror to see yourself. You can have Jesus, Allah, Ifa , and still see a therapist or psychiatrist. Therapy helps you unpack so much in a safe environment, but you must be willing to put in the work. Therapy is work, I always tell people “If you are going to lie to your therapist (or psychiatrist), then maybe you should not be in therapy.” Therapy is work, there are days where you will scream your lungs out, shed ugly tears, keep silent, sleep off etc but it is important. There are also certain milestones or experiences in your life that will demand that you go for therapy e.g., divorce, loss associated with death, migration.
Challenges
Boundaries, Pedestals, unnecessary/unrealistic expectations and demands.
Other Projects And Activities
I work part time on movie sets doing construction and electricity, I love it so much. It is exciting to be a part of building and taking sets down especially the finished products when I can recognize the locations. I watch certain movies I have been a part of and smile from the cockle of my heart.
I studied Food Science and Engineering in the university, and it is always refreshing to apply the knowledge from all those mechanical and electrical electives on set. I do content creation on women’s issues and lots of consultancy on these issues. I am also into research as a freelance researcher while transitioning into academia. The thing is that I am a creative, so I have my hands full with a lot of projects and activities as an individual and through collaborations.
I am currently setting up my home studio so I can record with ease and at any time. Who knows, in the future, people can get to use the studio but for now, it is mine to use. I have gone back to my pole dancing classes, I started pole dancing as a form of fun and exercise during the pandemic and stopped when everything shut down, I am back at it now.
What Do You Enjoy Most About Your Job
The fact that I am doing something that impacts another girl and woman positively. The versatility of the job is also intriguing, you can be anything you can to be with the right experience and education.
Three Women Who Inspire Me And Why
* My Mom– She is a go getter, always working to get better in her personal and professional life
* Me– I am learning to blow my own trumpet and I have put in work, passion, and time to impact lives plus I keep showing up every day despite all life has thrown at me.
* Bola Aramowo-Badejo– go getter per excellence, she grounds me, tells me the truth even when I do not want to hear it. She inspires me to get a PhD and be the best in my fields.
What We Can Do Better As A Society To Support Women In Abusive Relationships
The society needs to do better about stigmatizing women in abusive relationships, laws and policies should cover the different scopes of abuse not just physical abuse, government led initiatives must be readily available. For example, shelter systems, rapid responses (private led initiatives should complement existing government structures not the other way round).
One Thing I Wish To Change In The Development Sector
Better pay. The development sector does not pay enough for the work people do and this impacts a lot of the outcomes we see. It is not enough to ask people to come with passion, passion does not pay the bills, money pays the bills. Another thing will be the gatekeeping especially of the younger ones, the fact that someone is younger does not take away from the expertise they have.
One Thing People Do Not Know About Me
I am an introvert to the core, though because of work and other factors I have been able to work on my people skills and communication, but introversion is my default state. I am also very shy which is funny because I get to talk a lot. I love kickboxing.
Being A Woman Of Rubies
I put my best into whatever it is I am doing and build tables and bridges for others especially other girls and women.
Parenting has no module but there are significant signs that you as a parent ignore or overlook but it only makes you a toxic parent.
Building a healthy relationship with your child is as important and sending them to acquire formal education. To some parents they call strict discipline but in the actual sense they are creating an invisible dangerous wall between them and their kid(s)
Kids tend to confide in someone who show them love, listen to them without judging and allows them express their feelings and thought. As a parent if your child gets all these from a stranger, then you really need to re-evaluate their stances.
Knowing the level of menace and harm going on in today’s society, parents should try to build that trust and earn their confidence that way they will be the first to hear and know if there be any form of threat or danger to their wellbeing.
Also your relationship with your child should be one in which they can have access to discussing all which includes their academics or even social life. Make them understand your principles but still be that friend that they can depend on always
2. Your absence is irrelevant
It is a known fact that kids want to be around those who they see always and gives them that attention they crave for. To kids communication means alot and thanks to technology that has bridged the gap so parents who are far should take advantage of this. Your opinion of them understanding your tight schedule may not be totally acceptable to them.
3. Comparing them with others
Every child is unique and no child is the same. Parents who use abusive words or deteriorating words produce kids with low self esteem. Every child has his own potentials and should be allowed to manifest with proper guidance and not forced into competing with his mate. Help build their self confidence and encourage them in both their win and loss. Celebrate their efforts and never limit their dreams and aspiration.
4.Limiting them to a particular ideology
Train a child in a way that when he grows he should be able to differentiate good from bad. He should be allowed to make certain decisions without re straying him as long as it brings no harm to him. Enforcing any form of especially when they are of age to make choices makes you a toxic parent. Allow them express their freedom of choice and when they make mistake, correct them in love without talking down their self confidence.
And finally be a role model to your child. It makes the work easier and they directly and directly pick up certain traits that shapes their being. Match your words with godly character and see the beauty in parenting. Also never forget that no child is the same with the other and every child is special in his ways.
Cyclical pain is the pain that is associated with menstrual cycle. It is the most common type of breast pain and usually occurs in both breasts.
Studies have shown that seventy percent of women experience breast pain during menstruation.
And while it can be serious for a few, it is usually mild for most of them.
There is also the group that experiences breast pain, which is also known as mastalgia, regularly; and a good number of them are advanced in age.
However, the causes of breast pain may vary based on the type or category of breast pain. And according to studies, breast pain can either be categorized as cyclical pain or non-cyclical pain.
1. Cyclical pain
Just as the name implies, cyclical pain is the pain that is associated with menstrual cycle. It is the most common type of breast pain and usually occurs in both breasts.
Known to come with a heaviness or soreness that radiates to the armpit and arm, the primary cause of cyclical breast pain can be linked to the fluctuation of estrogen and progesterone.
However, observations have shown that cyclical pain tends to subside during or after menstruation period.
2. Noncyclical pain
Unlike cyclical pain, noncyclical pain can have many causes which includes injury to the breast, breast size, cysts, muscles or tissues rather than the breast itself, and other numerous unknown factors.
Nevertheless, noncyclical pain has been found to be much less common than cyclical pain, and its causes can be very difficult to identify.
Here are some home remedies for treating cyclical pain
1.Home therapies
Medical practitioners have advised that applying cold compresses or heating pads to the breasts can help reduce cyclical breast pain.
Additionally, taking a warm bath with soothing essential oils, like rosemary or lavender can help relieve the pain as well.
It has also been advised that wearing loose cotton clothes and massaging breasts in the shower with soap can help bring relieve breast pain.
2. Lifestyle changes
Some experts have also suggested that breast pain may be improved by:
Reducing your intake of caffeine, which is found in tea, coffee, and cola
Reducing your intake of saturated fat, which is found in butter, crisps, and fried food
Not smoking (if you smoke)
However, the benefits of making these changes have not been scientifically proven.
3. Herbs
In addition to the solutions stated above, herbal remedies have long been proven to be a natural and economical method of treating breast pain.
And two popular herbs for relieving cyclical breast pain are chaste berry and soy. Chasteberry helps reduce prolactin levels, which in turn reduces breast pain.
On the other hand, soy contains phytoestrogenic compounds, which raise estrogen levels and ease breast pain, making it popular among menopausal women.
Other nutrient-rich food that can help relieve breast pain includes Salmon, avocados, spinach, kale, and guavas.
4. Nonprescription medicines
It is also possible to reduce breast pain with the following nonprescription medicines. But ensure to read and follow the instructions on the label!
Acetaminophen, such as Tylenol
Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), such as ibuprofen(Advil or Motrin), naproxen (Aleve or Naprosyn), or aspirin (Anacin, Bayer)
However, it is advisable to visit a doctor if breast pain becomes severe or lasts longer than three weeks.
Consider this relationship tips 101, these are some things you really should not be telling that your boyfriend or girlfriend if you intend to keep the relationship going.
It’s OK to cut down on openness in a relationship from 100% to somewhere in the region of 90% or so. And here’s the reason: some people really just can’t handle the truth. It does not make them bad people or bad partners; they’re not just wired to be calm or stay sane in the face of certain revelations.
So instead of risking something beautiful over an inconsequential detail that’ll likely not hurt anyone if forever locked away in a vault, just keep mum and continue coasting with the love of your life.
Here are 5 times when it’s OK to leave some things unsaid;
1. Your sexual history
For real, not many boyfriends/girlfriends want to hear the step by step narration and graphic details of how you had sex in a bathroom stall at the mall with your ex or some random babe.
2. Your body count
As we already discussed in detail here, for the ladies, only your doctor and/or gynecologist deserves this information.
3. That someone at work [or anywhere] has a crush on you
Really, this is literally opening the door for problems no one wants. Here’s the thing about revealing this information – you put your partner in a position to have his imagination roam and become paranoid.
4. That you snooped through their stuff
Even if you searched and found out that they’ve been loyal and loyal to you, keep the good news to yourself.
There really is no way to justify snooping through his stuff in the first instance. You’re going to come off as distrustful and things may just go downhill from there. Better keep the info to yourself.
5. That you still stalk his ex
Ladies, your boyfriend does not need to know that you have been stalking his ex on social media. You’ll come off as insecure and you don’t need that.
To really know that the love in your relationship is genuine or fake, here are some of the signs to look out for.
Is the love in your relationship real, or fake?
If it is, all you should do is keep growing the love, keep staying truthful to each other, keep drinking a lot of water, and just keep treating each other in all the good ways that will allow the relationship thrive further.
On the flipside, fake love is not something anyone would want to live with. Sadly, it is exactly what some people have in their relationships. If the relationship is based on anything different from a genuine willingness to see the other person flourish in every sense of the word, if it is based on something fleeting and temporary, then it is likely fake.
To really know that the love in your relationship is fake, here are some things you may want to watch out for:
1. They’re emotionally distant
In a relationship, fakers have a tendency to be non-communicative. They’ll provide little to no substance to what’s going on in their life. They’ll also make excuses why they “couldn’t” communicate especially when it is a little difficult to do so.
The difference between them and someone with genuine love for you is the extra effort needed to reach out when it’s not so easy.
If you are happy in a relationship, you need to look for a way to keep at it. If they make you happy, don’t let it go. [
2. Always willing to throw in the towel
Conflict happens in every relationship. It demonstrates a level of care which partner have for one another.
That said, every conflict demands a resolution. If you’re the only one trying to resolve any conflict or problems that arise, it’s often a telltale sign of emotional detachment and this of course, is a major sign you’ll find in people who have got only fake love for you.
They really won’t care whether the relationship works or fails.
3. They don’t meet you halfway
Are you always the one to plan things? Check on the other person? Take responsibilities and all that? If so, what concessions, if any, is your partner making? Where’s the effort on their part?
Relationship and compromise are like two peas in a pod. A lack of effort is a universal sign of disinterest – and a relationship is no different.
A lack of effort from a partner is a universal sign of disinterest and you should not ignore it if you see the sign in a relationship [Credit – Shutterstock]
4. Unconcern
An authentic relationship sparks feelings of passion for each other. You’ll be curious, concerned, involved, etc in all that the other person does.
Someone who continuously acts indifferent isn’t engaged, likely detached, and unfit – not to mention unworthy – of a real relationship.
5. That gut feeling
Many times, when someone does not really love you, you will know. There’s usually that sixth sense, that gut feeling in the pit of your stomach that keeps pricking you.
Add this to all the signs that you will see, and the picture is clear that this babe or that guy doesn’t really love you. They’re only with you because they have no option, or for the money or some other fake reason.
Be honest with yourself. Are you wasting your time? Money? Energy?
Extra: You can also find love on these dating apps
Maria Eneyi is the founder of Enechambs Foods, a business that has grown significantly since she kicked off 2 years ago, from starting with a N55k capital to making over seven figures monthly.
Enechambs food is a virtual store that deals with seafoods and other raw food items. Maria and her team are on a journey of reducing sicknesses caused by wrong food handling practices, by ensuring raw foods are directly sourced, processed in a healthy environment, and as well packaged for maximum protection.
She has successfully established her business presence in Nigeria, African countries, European and American nations delivering neatly processed and packaged food at their doorsteps.
Maria has trained over one hundred students how to start a food packaging business through her Enechambs food Institute.
In her words, ‘Our mission is to become a household name for everything groceries shopping within and outside Nigeria. In this interview with Esther Ijewere, the public administration graduate shares her inspiring story.
Childhood Influence
I was born in the very early 1990’s in the city of Kaduna state, tudun wada precisely before the Sharia crisis of 2020,I could remember accompanying my mum during holidays and midterm breaks to sell cooked food at a spot popularly known as “mama put “ then, we took hot rice to those who couldn’t come to her stand to buy food. There I learnt how to serve customers with a smiling face and greeting them so they can come back the next day.
Maria Eneyi, CEO- Enechambs Food
After the crisis, my mom had a provision and cosmetics shop at the Central market in Kaduna where I accompanied my mum to the store whenever I was on holiday from the boarding school.
My dad also had a salon then where I visited mostly weekends as it was one of their busiest days where we had to provide errand services for women who came to make their hair.
So going to their stores helped me gain firsthand knowledge in marketing, Sales and customer relationship and has formed the basis of my success in business.
Inspiration behind Enechambs food
When I followed my mum to the market where her store was located, I saw first hand how foods were managed by the market men and women, how they used insecticides to wade off pests and rodents in their stores where these foods laid, how different hands will touch the raw foods and most times they end up not buying and then an unassuming customer will come and buy.
I also saw how busy professionals rushed into the market between the hours of 4-6pm to shop for dinner and most times they got foods that are not as fresh as the morning set or foods that have been touched by different people which was a major turn off from an incredibly young age for me.
I have also met people who just do not like groceries shopping from the local market and on my own part is what I love
Having experienced all of these inspired me and I thought of how I could really make life easier and better for people by giving them a better food option and this gave birth to Enechambs food.
Enechambs Food is a virtual store that deals with all kinds of seafood like snails, dry fish’s prawns etc. and other raw food items like egusi, Ogbonno, palm oil, proteins of all sorts, tubers, grains etc.
We are on a journey to reducing sicknesses caused by wrong food handling practices, by ensuring raw foods are directly sourced, processed in a healthy environment, and as well, packaged for maximum protection.
The Journey so far
My journey so far has been one filled with so many lessons, difficulties all in the quest of evolving into a global brand.
When I started, I struggled with gaining the trust of people to patronize me and I remembered one time in the quest of looking for trust I sent some foodstuffs to Abuja to some persons who showed interest but, on the condition, they will pay after they receive the products.
After sending you will not believe they refused to pick up from the park giving one excuse to the other, one told me she has travelled with someone I spoke with before heading to the park, the others complained of where the park was located.
But look at us now, we are gradually making a name for ourselves that people do not hesitate to commit six figures even without knowing me.
Challenges
Over time we have not really been faced with serious challenges But a few that we experience are:
Logistics: Enechambs food being a virtual store means we take orders virtually and most times we send stuff outside Kaduna state and Nigeria too.
For the Nigerian deliveries,
There are times we get orders for perishables to the eastern other states but because of the situation of the road and the vehicles used for this purpose are halfway gone , items that are supposed to spend less than 24hours on the road spend more than that which isn’t good for business so because of this constant experience, we were forced to stop collecting orders for perishables except the client want the tomatoes to be processed into paste.
Internationally, Nigerians in the Diaspora also wish they can still access all Nigerian foods most especially incredibly good Palm oil. So, getting the right route to send this item is usually difficult.
Finance: for a very perfect finish of our processed foods, equipment is needed to achieve it. The food business is highly capital intensive and these equipment needed are not cheap and as a small business owner it is not easy gathering such money for equipment, so this is a significant challenge.
Also, in our quest of becoming recognized globally, our products need to be standardized by the appropriate bodies locally and internationally and all these costs a lot of money.
Why I resigned from my Teaching Job
As a subject teacher, I was taking four (4) subjects, I have three (3) kids and no house assistance. There are days we process food like snails or meat for export till 2-3am then we rest for 1-2 hours before we start preparing for work.
This was not the life I had imagined as growing up, I saw how my parents owned their time and made decisions and this had already been factored in my head.
After the covid pandemic when I started my business, after a year I noticed some months, I made more than my salary and some months I made close to or my actual salary.
After 1 year My business grew into making over 6-7 figures in turnover and then I knew there was more from where it was coming if only I gave the business the desired attention it needed.
Although, I struggled to make up my mind as I was already attached to my students but then I wanted to be free so I can do more. Eventually I did and it has been an amazing journey.
How my work inspired other women
Managing business and family is not a walk in the park. But because of how determined I am to succeed in this business all the things happening around me never discouraged me but fueled me more.
I remember when I was working there were days I kept my kids in the custody of my neighbor or locked them in the house after I came back from work by 3:30pm to do market runs.
There were also days I would leave them in school in the custody of the Nannies or security to pick up or drop off items.
So, some months back, my neighbors and I were having a talk and one was asking me how I manage my business, three kids with no domestic assistance and how my house and immediate surroundings are always intact, so she had to tell herself to sit-up. Guess what? She has recently just started her business from home too!!
I’ve had women write me, telling me how I inspire them on social media and how they will like to do what I do but they have kids below the ages of 5 and 10 and don’t think they can do it and when I open up to them that I also have 3 kids with no help they are always shocked as to how I do it… most of them have dropped their excuses and have started pursuing their dreams.
Other projects and activities
Right now, there are no other projects, we are only focused on this business and how we can scale up, get licensed by the appropriate bodies, sit on international shelves, and become a household name and globally recognized.
What I enjoy most about my job
What I enjoy so much about this business is the joy that fills our customers’ faces when they receive their package within and outside Nigeria. Aside from the joy, it gives me a sense of fulfillment when my clients do not have to bother about stocking up for themselves, loved ones or parents. The feeling of solving a major food problem is what I enjoy. Serving you undiluted, Unadulterated, cleaned, processed, and neatly packaged food stuffs is my calling
Three women who inspire me and why
Chiddie Anyasado: Meeting her changed my entire life and reduced the time I would have spent finding my feet.
After she placed an order with us to be delivered to the United Kingdom, she announced us to her audience and her entire tribe came knocking on our doors.
Since then, our business went up and turnover increased to over 100%. She is so meek, supportive and a pacesetter. She has refined and brought a lot of hidden potentials in me.
Numerous times she has challenged me in so many ways. Her approach to matters is also quite different from the normal and a huge inspiration to me.
Ifeyinwa Ighodalo: How this woman started a business at 52 years of age after she and her partner parted ways surprises me.
What I learnt from her, despite living a comfortable lifestyle and having it all, her love and concern for the welfare of her former workers made her come back to doing business and even better. Following her lessons made me understand that your staff are also a major priority.
Ayodeji Megbope: Remember that lady who sold Moi Moi in the white House? how a complete novice in business was able to learn all those stuffs like accounting, bookkeeping and all that. I tell myself if she can do it I also can. She is also one confident woman who knows what she is capable of doing and one who is not ashamed. I see a lot of her qualities in me and it is a major strength for me.
Being a Woman of Rubies
My ability to stand tall even amid all the challenges leveled up against me that would have brought my end makes me a gallant woman of ruby.
How I am scaling up despite the economy
I constantly show up and I deliver well. I reach out to anyone who I feel can help me as a person or brand. This has brought so much help, referrals to the point I don’t even know if the economy is bad anymore.
A jealous partner is a ticking bomb. Have you ever dated an insecure person? or suspect your boyfriend/girlfriend could be monitoring you and just seems to know almost everything you are doing at any given time, even without you mentioning it to them?
If your answer is yes, then this article is for you. I got you covered.
Few days ago, I saw one of the biggest revelations on a private Whatsapp group I am privileged to be part of, A sister shared the story of how her boyfriend installed malware on her phone for 6 months, listening to her phone calls, reading her messages, he had access to all her phone apps, including banking apps.
He was remotely controlling activities of her phone and she didn’t know till a fight broke out and he hit her then confessed out of anger .
An abusive partner or ex may be able to track you in detail through a secret app and keep tabs on all you do.
I shared the story on my Facebook page (Without mentioning the name of the sister of course) , and I was even confronted by more revelations; one sister actually said she cloned her boyfriend’s phone as well.
I was shocked, trust me the only place I have seen someone clone anyone’s phone is in Netflix series “YOU”, and that’s a totally different context because the character is a Narcissist and serial killer himself , aside his other ways.
Anyway, I did some digging deep to seek more knowledge as I can’t fathom why anyone would be so obsessed to a person they claim to love and monitor their lives that much. Well, I got you covered, here are 6 ways to know a jealous partner has hacked your phone according to an expert;
1. Noticeable decrease in battery life
While a phone’s battery life inevitably decreases over time, a smartphone that has been compromised by malware may start to display a significantly decreased lifespan. This is because the malware – or spy app – may be using up phone resources to scan the device and transmit the information back to a server.
Do you find your phone frequently freezing, or certain applications crashing? This could be down to malware that is overloading the phone’s resources or clashing with other applications. You may also experience continued running of applications despite efforts to close them, or even have the phone itself crash and/or restart repeatedly.
3. High data usage
Another sign of a compromised phone is an unusually high data bill at the end of the month, which can come from malware or spy apps running in the background, sending information back to its server.
4. Outgoing calls or texts you didn’t send
If you’re seeing lists of calls or texts to numbers you don’t know, be wary – these could be premium-rate numbers that malware is forcing your phone to contact; the proceeds of which land in the cyber-crim’s wallet. In this case, check your phone bill for any costs you don’t recognize.
5. Mystery pop-ups
While not all pop-ups mean your phone has been hacked, constant pop-up alerts could indicate that your phone has been infected with adware, a form of malware that forces devices to view certain pages that drive revenue through clicks.
Even if a pop-up isn’t the result of a compromised phone, many may be phishing links that attempt to get users to type in sensitive info – or download more malware. The vast majority of such pop-ups can be neutralised simply by shutting the window – though be sure you’re clicking the right X, as many are designed to shunt users towards clicking an area that instead opens up the target, sometimes malicious, site.
6. Unusual activity on any accounts linked to the device
If a hacker has access to your phone, they also have access to its accounts – from social media to email to various lifestyle or productivity apps. This could reveal itself in activity on your accounts, such as resetting a password, sending emails, marking unread emails that you don’t remember reading, or signing up for new accounts whose verification emails land in your inbox.
If this is the case, here is how to protect yourself
1.Since installing spy apps require physical access to your device, putting a passcode on your phone greatly reduces the chances of someone being able to access your phone in the first place. And since spy apps are often installed by someone close to you (think spouse or significant other), pick a code that won’t be guessed by anyone else.
2. Go through your apps list for ones you don’t recognize.
3. Keep in mind how you usually verify your identity with various accounts – for example, your bank will never ask you to input your full password or PIN.
4. Avoid clicking links from numbers you don’t know, or in curiously vague messages from friends, especially if you can’t see the full URL.
5.If you do click on the link and end up downloading an app, your Android phone should notify you. Delete the app and/or run a mobile security scan.
6. Create a strong password for your key accounts (email especially).
7. Enable login notifications so you’re aware of sign-ins from new computers or locations.
8 .Enable two-factor authentication so that even if someone discovers your password they can’t access your account without access to your phone.
9.To prevent someone resetting your password, lie when setting up password security questions. You would be amazed how many security questions rely on information that is easily available on the Internet or is widely known by your family and friends. Example if the name of your boyfriend is “Neka” and the device ask “What is the name of your spouse” as a test question, it’s ok to type something else. *winks*
Here are some tips and revelations from my Facebook page as well;
Like Dewunmi Lagos commented on the last screenshot; “May God save us from any man or woman who has insecurity issues”. They are like ticking bombs and their explosion could result into violence.
Run from any jealous partner as far as you can. You deserve love that doesn’t require suffering first.
Have you experienced this in anyway too? Kindly share with us.
Kindly like, follow, share and drop your comments. *winks*
