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Esther Ijewere

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Erelu Bisi Fayemi
In Inspiration By

Erelu Bisi Fayemi: Every Woman Deserves A “Wrapper” And Support

Erelu Bisi Fayemi  has many years of experience as a gender specialist, policy advocate, and social change philanthropy practitioner. Asides being the  Wife of the former Governor of Ekiti State, she is also  the co-founder of African Women’s Development Fund, (AWDF) – the first Africa-wide grant-making fund, and served as the first Executive Director from 2001-2010.

The passionate advocate and Author of several bestselling books is currently Principal Partner, Amandla Consulting , specializing in leadership development for women, while she also runs an online community where she lends her voice to issues that affects women and encourage us to rise above whispers and use our voice, resources and position where it matters.

BAF as she is fondly called is also  UN Women Nigeria Senior Advisor, and was recently appointed as a Visiting Senior Research Fellow at King’s College, University of London.

When her husband Dr. Kayode Fayemi took office as Governor of Ekiti State on October 16th 2010-2014, Erelu became actively involved in a range of policy advocacy, grassroots empowerment and social inclusion programs in Ekiti State. She led the campaign to enact a Gender Based Violence Prohibition Law (2011) an Equal Opportunities Bill (2013) and a HIV Anti-Stigma Bill (2014).

She serves on the Executive Boards of the African Women’s Development Fund, and the Global Fund for Women USA. She is Chair of the Advisory Council of the Nigerian Women’s Trust Fund and also serves on the Governing Council of Elizade University, Nigeria.

Erelu is the author of ‘Speaking for Myself’: Perspectives on Social, Political and Feminist Activism in Africa (2013), ‘ Speaking above a Whisper’ , (2013) an autobiography and ‘ Loud Whispers’ (2017) She also co-edited ‘ Voice, Power and Soul’, with Jessica Horn (2008) a compilation of images and stories of African Feminists.

During the  #Covid19 Pandemic, Erelu Bisi gave hope to several women across Nigeria through her “A wrapper for Women Initiative” , and supported over 60,000 households in Ekiti.

She shares her Inspiring journey with Esther Ijewere,  In celebration of her 57th birthday today. (Interview was first published on June 11, 2020)

Inspiration behind  ‘A Wrapper for Women Initiative’

In October last year, I gave a brief speech at the annual Arise Women Conference in Lagos, convened by Pastor Siju Iluyomade of the RCCG. In my speech I asked the question, ‘Where is your wrapper’? I told the story of how, years ago, I was attending a meeting in Uganda, where we learnt of how a woman went into labour in one of the local markets. Other women in the market rallied round her and held up their wrappers to give her privacy, while those who knew what to do helped deliver her baby right there in the market’. What those women did can be found in many African communities, including here in Nigeria.

Those wrappers symbolize solidarity, unity, love, protection, care and so on. If we want to be blessed as women in any way, Where is your wrapper? Where is your wrapper for the poor widow who is struggling to pay the fees of her children? Where is your wrapper for your wealthy but very sad friend who is experiencing domestic violence? Where was your wrapper when a woman told you she had been raped but you asked her what she was wearing? After the speech, I wrote one of my weekly Loud Whispers articles and called it ‘Where is your wrapper?’. I did not expect the reaction to it.

It seemed to resonate with so many women and men around the world. Up to that point, I had been planning to start an interactive online forum as an extension of our work on the Above Whispers website. Many young women ask me to mentor them, so the easiest way to do this is taking advantage of social media. In addition, a lot of women need help with modest contributions that could make all the difference.

That is why I decided to start The Wrapper Network, for women who need a wrapper and for women who are prepared to give wrappers to other sisters. I am flagging it off with an initiative for some women entrepreneurs to mark my birthday on June 11th. The Wrapper Network will be able to support up to 40 women with between N50,000-N200,000 for various businesses. I hope that the sisters who will benefit can go on to bless other sisters with a wrapper when things are good for them.

My Impact During This Uncertain Time In The World

It has been a rather strange period, not being able to move around freely, and having to do so with care when restrictions were eased. I travelled to the US and UK early March, and when I came back, I went into self-isolation for 14 days. After that, I started working on our Food Bank in the State, a project I have been running for a number of years now. During this COVID19 period, we have been able to provide support to people during the lockdown period. Over the past two months, we have been able to support up to 60,000 households across the State, and we are still giving out palliatives. I have also been supporting families with donations.

Bisi Fayemi

To Young Women Who Want To Go Into Politics

Women should not cede political space. Women are the ones who keep party machineries running, and they are the ones who get the short end of the stick when there is a victory. Any woman who is thinking of contesting should get involved in community affairs, go home to your community and let them know you. If at first you don’t succeed, try again.

On The Pattern Of The Two Rcent Rape Cases And What We Can Do Collectively

It is such a terrible situation. On the one hand, this is not news to those of us who have been working on these issues for a long time. We have been talking about Sexual Violence for ages but very few people have been paying attention. Now that we have social media and all the attention it commands, information gets around quickly, and it is easier for people to respond to what they see and hear in very passionate terms.

I told a group of friends the other day, the groundswell of survivors’ voices we are hearing now is what breaking the culture of silence looks like.

Now that survivors know they might be heard and justice is not beyond their reach, more people will be willing to come forward. We just need to make sure that we do not fail those who have the courage to do so, and for those for whom it is too late like poor Uwa, we need to make sure that her killers get what they deserve. At a time like this, we need to keep up the momentum, we need to keep being angry and we need to demand action and results.

My Birthday Message To Young Women All Over The World

The late Maya Angelou once said, ‘Be Present in the present’. In my own interpretation of Maya’s words, being present requires you to read as widely as you can, ask questions, raise your voice, be open to learning and relearning. Being present means self-esteem, self-awareness, courage and presence. Be present. Absence is not an option.

Take a look at other related interviews we’ve had in the past:

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Detorera Obimakinde
In Inspiration By

Detorera Obimakinde: If You Ever Walked Away From An Abusive Relationship,You Won

Detorera  Obimakinde is a banker  with over 10 years work experience.  Her failed marriage, subsequent abuse physically, emotionally, psychologically and verbally in another relationship, having a child out of wedlock, struggle with career and other unpleasant experiences sent her on a quest to find her voice and decided she was going to overcome all the challenges she faced.

This and the thirst for her own personal healing gave birth to her NGO, The Renewed Woman Foundation (The RWF) ,a place of hope and strength for women of all background where they can draw strength and inspiration.

The NGO is poised to help other women gain back their voices, see life from positive perspective regardless of whatever challenges they’re going through. The foundation is helping them heal, gain strength to forgive themselves and others who hurt them.

Detorera ObimakindeShe believes there are people in the same or worse situation she was years ago but are unable to find help. Adetorera is actively committed to mentoring several young girls in her community.

The amazing amazon graduated from Moshood  Abiola Polytechnic, Abeokuta, Ogun state, proceeded for her BSc in International Relations from Lead City University and went on to get her MBA in Marketing Management from Ladoke Akintola University of Technology, Ogbomosho, Oyo State.

She is also an entrepreneur and a mother to a lovely boy. She shares her story with Esther Ijewere in this interview. (First published in 2019).

Childhood Influence

I never had a childhood that prepared me for all these. My parents have been married for about 40years now and I have never seen my dad raise his hands against my mom.  Yes the quarrel and argue but I never saw them confront each other. Growing up I never lacked anything , all I saw around me was love and care. My 2 siblings and I are also neatly-closed . As a matter of fact, for me before my marriage in 2013, life was beautiful. I never encountered any challenge until then. I made my papers once, got into school once, didn’t struggle to get a job, you understand. So I never thought I would be here.

Detorera Obimakinde

Meet Me!

I had my primary, secondary and tertiary education in Abeokuta too. Before proceeding to Ibadan for my B.Sc. at Lead City University and NYSC at NTA.

I got a job with Coolfm/Wazobia FM shortly after and spent a few years there before joining the banking industry since over 7 years now. Currently I’m a service leader in one of the branches of keystone bank. I’m passionate about anything concerning the welfare of girls and women. I believe every woman deserves to be heard and deserves an opportunity. I love to travel, watch movies and make friends

Failed Marriage And Finding My Voice Again

I guess I married for the wrong reasons. I didn’t know why I did and what I wanted out of marriage, I ended up marrying wrongly. Although at 26 I wouldn’t say I was young but I was naive , and I also think the man I married wasn’t sure he loved me because he never stood up for me, he never struggled to be better and never took responsibilities for his actions.

And then while trying to get out of it, I got trapped in the hands of a self-acclaimed prophet. And that was where the real lesson began. I was battered, suppressed, oppressed, humiliated, trampled upon, and lied against, manipulated. Infact, I totally lost all the self-esteem I had.

I was obviously affected at work and people who wanted to take advantage of me took it well, so in was demoted.

I got depressed, developed high BP, wasn’t sleeping and could barely take care of my child( thank God I had a very supportive mother and maid).

But a friend whom I’m grateful to , linked me up with a woman of God who helped me get back myself and of course my mother who prayed and fasted for me to be able to escape the dungeon I was. And so that’s how the journey to rediscovering and finding my purpose started.

Touching Lives Through RWF

Through Renewed Woman Foundation, over 100 women have found a place to share their experiences, connect with others who have gone through the same, thereby understanding that they aren’t alone after all. Collectively we’ve built an haven of support, hope and strength for women of all background, thereby drawing strength and inspiration from each other.

In this place, women are able to reach out without fear of being judged and assured that they will find whatever help they seek, physically, spiritually, emotionally and sometimes financially. At the end, we have testimonies of women who have gone on to heal, be better women and chase their dreams once again.

Challenges

The challenges basically is finances and getting the right people to support the vision. One tree cannot make a forest. Yes there are alot of people out there but are they the right people. One needs God to choose partners in a journey like this.

Time is also a major challenge, especially because of my kind of job. The RWF would have done more work if I had a more flexible schedule.

Being A Mom, Banker And voice for Women

Ummmmm… What’s that quote again? ‘You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only option you have’. For me it’s been dedication, commitment, tenacity, purpose and perseverance. Being a Mom taught me dedication and commitment (chuckles, I bet a lot of Mom out there will nod to that). I know that my darling son is my utmost responsibility and biggest commitment so it keeps me going even in the darkest days. Being a banker taught me tenacity. Any banker will tell you that.

From meetings to targets and everything it comes with. And finally being a voice first for myself and then other women taught me first purpose, because before coming into that space I was lost. Like a ship without a sail. I found purpose and then developed perseverance to stop at nothing until my dreams are realized while helping other women achieve the same regardless of their stories. And that’s basically how I manage it all. And above all, I can say I’m utterly blessed with the most amazing family and friends. And they sure make my journey through it all memorable.

Reward

The greatest reward so far is the positive feedbacks that I have gotten from people who have attended our conferences, meet me one on one and who have been impacted by what we do. Alot of lives have become better through the RWF. And that’s an absolute joy to me.

5 Years From Now

In the next 5 years. I hope we are able to reach out to more women in south west and then move beyond the shores of this country. I look forward to patterning with both government and private organizations to organize various skill acquisition trainings for various survivors of DV. Because I’ve long discovered one of the major thing that keeps a lot of women in abuse is lack of financial capacity. So if they know help is ready available, perhaps more women will be encouraged to leave to live. So in 5 years I hope to have train hundreds of women in various skills and organized at least 20 conferences across 5 states.

Government Has To Do More For Victims Of Domestic Violence

Yes, I do believing in recent times and in such State as Lagos, the government has been of immense help towards helping DV survivors. But I strongly believe the government need to do more. The seemingly rise of DV in recent times isn’t necessarily because it’s just happening, rather I will say it is due to the emergence of social media. Social media brings everything to light these days and we are able to see clearer the plight of most women and men alike. So the government need to do more.

Pass stricter laws that keep abusers behind bars and for long too. There is a strong need for a physical safe havens, where women in DV can run to for refuge and know they are safe there until they figure out what to do with their lives (I’ve seen too many DV victims who ran away from their abusers but couldn’t find any safe place only to end up back at the abusers place).

The government need to provide schemes that not only provide skills but also basic finances to begin with. There are major roles our parents need to play too. I believe I am able to easily get back up and be where I am today because I had a good support system from my family.

Enough of parents insisting that their children in abusive marriages just so the society and their churches can see them as good people. If your child comes to you about being abused, as a good parent, your first response ought to be leave to live. There is no trophy given in heaven to anyone for dying in abusive relationship or marriages.

Detorera Obimakinde

I am Precious, I am a Woman of Rubies

My strength , the acknowledgment of my state and the desires to help other women come out better makes me a woman of Rubies. Rubies although are precious, they undergo hard and tough process to become a precious gem and that is my story.

For Women I Abusive Relationships

Death is inevitable after all, one day we all will be called home. But please make sure you aren’t leaving that decision in the hands of an abuser to make for you. Do not lay your life on the altar of anyone’s anger and madness. God created us for purpose and to make His name glorious, you must never let anyone deprive you of that.

Stop focusing on what people will say, do not be fooled by a lot of people’s hypocritical ways. You will be shocked to find out what goes on behind closed doors. It is easier for people to come on social media and project whatever they want you to see about them and their marriages. And if care isn’t taken, you’d be swallowed into that lie and begin to live a make believe.

Know and own your truth. You aren’t alone, and because you chose to walk out of an abusive marriage doesn’t make you a failure, instead it makes you a conqueror. And like a dear friend use to say ‘If you ever walk away from a no good, manipulative, demeaning and abusive relationship or marriage, you WON’!

Choose your own life, you come first. Leave to Live.

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In Inspiration By

Dr Nimi Ekere: The Family Physician Giving Hope To Victims Of Child Sexual Abuse

Dr. Nimi Stephanie Ekere is a Consultant Family Physician. She is a graduate of Medicine and Surgery from the University of Port Harcourt, Rivers State, Nigeria. Nimi had her residency training at the Family Medicine Department of the University of Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital where she later became the Chief Resident Physician handling clinical, academic and administrative duties.

She was also involved in the training and supervision of junior residents and did this effectively and efficiently.

Dr Nimi Ekere is a Fellow of the National Postgraduate Medical College of Family Physicians with interest in Adolescent Health. She currently works as a Consultant Family Physician at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital ( LASUTH).

Dr Nimi Ekere

Dr Ekere is also a Fellow of the Institute of Management Consultants and a Certified Management Consultant. She is a Certified Management Specialist with distinction in Time Management from the London Graduate School.

Dr Ekere is a leading Child Advocate, Author, Speaker, Coach, Parenting Enthusiast, Teacher and Humanitarian. She has practised medicine in urban and rural areas for almost two decades and has endeared herself to her patients through her dedication to duties, empathy and love for people, especially children, adolescents, and the less privileged.

Nimi is the founder of Smileandshine Children’s Foundation, a non-profit organisation that is aimed at preventing Child Sexual Abuse, providing the needed help and support, as well as emergency care and treatment with adequate follow up and rehabilitation of victims (children).

In rural communities in Nigeria, Dr. Nimi’s campaign against child abuse has inspired social security and hope for many children with unbelievable realities. Her child advocacy has been featured multiple times on various mainstream media outlets, including the BBC.

Dr Nimi Ekere is an author of four best selling books that address the issue of Child Sexual Abuse with practical remedies. This collection of books teach children, pre-teenagers, teenagers and parents all they need to know about combating the menace. All four of her books are in different academic curricula of government-run primary and secondary schools in Nigeria.

One of her books is currently in use in the Basic Education Certificate Examination (BECE), also known as Junior WAEC, in Rivers State.

Nimi is a strong proponent of effective and intentional parenting and convenes different programmes and conferences that promote child rights and protection. She has also featured in many panels and conferences across the globe.

Dr Nimi Ekere

She has organised numerous outreaches for children, vulnerable women and the elderly. She also has carried out numerous medical outreaches, free trainings for the less privileged, sometimes partnering other NGOs; local and international.

She is the convener of STRIVE CONFERENCE, an annual children conference that brings together children from public and private schools with the aim of teaching and empowering them to make better choices in all they do, to ultimately become better versions of themselves. The past edition had in attendance the first Lady of Lagos State, HE, Dr. Mrs. Ibijoke Sanwo-Olu and a host of other dignitaries.

 

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setbacks to stepping stones
In Inspiration By

13 Situations You Should Never Say Yes To If You Want to Be Happy

Do you want to be happy? Like really happy, I mean innate happiness that gives you inner peace?

Most people do! But what do you do when that happiness eludes you? If that’s the case, it’s time to take a close look at your life and how you conduct it.

How to stay happy

Often, we put ourselves in damaging situations without realizing the harm that they cause. Being aware of these patterns can stop them in their tracks. I can share this conveniently because for some funny reason I always find myself in some of these situations, but I am aware the lot of it could apply to others as well

Here are 13 situations you should never say yes to if you want to be happy.

1. Feel Lonely When You are Alone

While there are things best done by your lonesome, it’s hard to get some positive thinking going when you allow yourself to actually feel lonely while you’re alone. Here are some things that bring happiness if you may be alone or away from friends

-Playing online multiplayer games, solitaire, etc.

-Reflect on your place in life, where you want to be and what it takes to get there.

-Watching movies where booing the characters is encouraged.

How to stay happy

2.  Comparisons

The human want and need to compare ourselves with others is something as old as time itself, although there is nothing positive to be gained from it. There is no point in chasing after a life we don’t have, all the while ignoring what we do have. Consider instead doing the following things when you feel jealousy:

-Turn off social media for the day.

-Control your content feed. Don’t fill it with things that will cause you jealousy.

-Indulge in the things that make you happy, with no regard for how “good” or “productive” it is.

-quotes to be happy

How to stay happy

3. Exes Calling you back cannot make you happy

The relationship had ended for a good reason. Leave it there for the sake of your mental health, and move on towards more positive things instead:

-Do some self-introspection. What lessons about yourself did that relationship teach you? What else can you do better next time?

-Hang out with your friends. Have them support you in this emotionally distressing time, and let them distract you.

-Acknowledge the bad, but also celebrate the good that came from it. Positive thinking doesn’t have to be one done through rose-tinted glasses – it’s essential to recognize and appreciate both the good and the bad in any relationship.

4. Working for jobs you hate

The term ‘burnout’ exists for a reason – if we don’t get that much-needed rest, it starts having dire consequences on our emotional, mental, and physical health.

Medically, this should come as no surprise – just the single, independent factor of working overtime increases the risk of coronary heart disease. So – just what should you do for the sake of your health?

-Consider leaving your job, or switching to a different position within the company if that isn’t possible.

-Take a look at The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor – the principles in it are an excellent place to start.

-Identify what the individual elements about your job that is contributing to your stress are. Perhaps you can deal with them on a case-by-case basis to make it manageable.

How to stay happy

5. Sitting for Too Long

Since physical health is related to mental and emotional health, this might be something you’d want to look into. Studies have shown that sitting down for too long can negatively affect your cardiovascular health – no matter how much exercise you do. Sadly, with the whole #Covid19 situation, It is possible to find yourself siting at a spot for a longtime, since there is an enforced stay at home to contain the virus.

So instead of lounging on a sofa or hunching over your keyboard, why not consider the following?

-Invest in a standing desk. A motor-controlled one can raise and lower the height, depending on whether you need to stand or sit for something.

-Watch your favorite shows while walking on a treadmill, If you don’t have one , just walk around while watching the movie, Better health and good entertainment equal a positive net bonus!

6. Drama and Gossip Inhibit Happy Feelings

There’s no point in being nosy about someone else’s circumstances and behavior – especially if it has nothing to do with you. Instead, it’s best to just focus on your own lives, and what is immediately relevant to you. Here are some reasons why:

-Improving your personal experience is something that should take up all of your focus.

-Engaging in drama and gossip about someone else’s lives only serves to add more stress and distraction.

-Do unto others what you would want others to do unto you. If you would hate to be on the receiving end of that kind of unwanted attention, then why would you inflict it on others?

7.  Worrying too much

Just what has worry ever brought us aside from fear and anxiety? While some may argue positive thinking in these times is naïve and simple-minded, the fact is that nothing good can be gained from worrying. So – what can you do instead?

-Enjoy every moment as it comes into your life.

-Be productive, make something tangible with your hands as some kind of progress.

-Narrow your focus towards things you can directly handle and have control over.

8.  Idleness

It’s so easy to try squeezing in one more episode of your favorite Netflix show before getting started on work or hitting that snooze alarm for another five more minutes. This all inevitably ends up in stress and frustration when we realize too late that we’re now out of time.

-Chip away at it. If you can’t get started properly, just pen down some notes first.

-Happy people do not procrastinate. Start when you should.

-Talk to someone about it. Sometimes you just need someone to organize it for you.

9.  Settling

At some point, it can be incredibly easy to just settle for “good enough.” This can apply to just about anything – career, friendships, and relationships. It’s one thing to be comfortable, but it’s another to settle for complacency and bare minimum. If you find yourself getting bored, consider the following points:

-Sign the both of you up for some sort of adventurous trip, or a simple pottery class.

-Talk to your friend. Maybe there’s something between you both that’s been making it hard for you both to bond closer.

-Aim for a better job or career – there’s no point in staying in a poor job.

10. Hurrying

It’s tempting to rush forward and to prove to yourself that you’re capable of keeping up with the pack. This, however, is detrimental to your happiness. Here are a few ways to steal back a few more precious minutes:

-Prioritize things that are important first.

-Manage your time efficiently.

-Don’t pressure yourself – you don’t need to rush.

-Understand that you can’t do everything you want in one go, and that’s okay.

11. Spending Time with Toxic People

It only makes sense that surrounding ourselves with toxic, negative people will only serve to worsen our moods and mental states. Just how can you improve yourself and find a better life’s purpose if you’re continually being sabotaged at every corner?

The best way to be happy is to avoid such a scenario. Here are some tips:

-Avoid people who belittle you. It’s hard to keep a positive outlook when they’re always talking down your goals and dreams.

-Look out for people who bring joy and happiness into your life and drop anyone who doesn’t.

-Cut out people who don’t know the difference between crushing you and giving you constructive criticism.

12. Blame

Nobody likes to be in the wrong. It’s a horrible feeling and one that we naturally try to avoid. This often means that our first reaction to trouble is to blame someone else, so we don’t have to deal with the consequences.

In reality, this actually can make things worse. Yes, it’s unpleasant, but there are benefits to be gained from taking responsibility for your actions:

-Taking responsibility also means taking control of the situation and yourself.

-You create an opportunity for you to learn from the problem.

-You forge your sense of self and your capabilities through the process of resolving the issue.

-You’ll learn to develop a sense of courage, and as you overcome the problem.

13. Learning to say NO

Many of us have been raised with this mindset that unless there is something that makes fulfilling the request impossible, we should always say ‘yes’ to it. In our minds, to refuse would be to hurt somehow or disappoint them.

In reality, learning how to say no is an important skill. Here are some reasons why:

-You establish healthy emotional boundaries. This isn’t just good for you – it’s also great for others, as they know where your clear boundaries lie.

-You give yourself time to do things you want to do. You don’t need an excuse to reserve your limited time and energy for things and people that are important to you.

-You’ll learn how to stand up for yourself.

My final thoughts

Being happy can be difficult. The journey to happiness is often fraught with other more negative emotions. But by choosing the situations you allow yourself to be a part of, you can move more quickly along the rocky road that leads to that happiness.

Remember it is okay to take this one step at a time, if perhaps you are guilty of all.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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Captain Janet Days
In Inspiration By

Captain Janet Days Is The First Black Commanding Officer Of The World’s Largest Naval Base

Captain Janet Days is now the first Black woman commanding officer in Naval Station Norfolk’s (NAVSTA) 106-year-history, 13NewsNow reports.

The Chicago native graduated Summa Cum Laude from Old Dominion University and was commissioned through Naval ROTC’s Enlisted Commissioning Program. Within her 24-year career, she’s taken numerous tours aboard: USS Simon Lake homeported at La Maddalena, Italy, USS Mahan, and USS Forrest Sherman. She’s also been deployed twice!

Her leadership hasn’t gone unnoticed; Days was awarded the Defense Meritorious Service Medal, Meritorious Service Medal, Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medal (7), Army Commendation Medal (2), Army Achievement Medal, and the Afghanistan Campaign Medal.

Few weeks ago, she was sworn in as NAVSTA’s 51st Commanding Officer, a role that is typically reserved for white men, making history as the first Black commanding officer of the world’s largest naval base, which is located in Norfolk, VA. This wasn’t the first time Days made history; in 2021, she was named the first Black woman Executive Officer at Naval Station Norfolk.

In her new role, she’ll be overseeing 6,200 acres, including 13 piers, an 8,000-foot airfield, 63 ships, two 188 aircrafts and 18 squadrons. A true trailblazer and an inspiration to us all, this is a beautiful way to end Black History Month.

Congratulations, Captain Days!

Source: Becauseofthem

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How To Heal As a Single Parent
In Inspiration By

Esther Ijewere: Dear Single Parents, Healing Is Your Responsibility

Dear single parents,

I understand the pain of doing it alone with no support system. I know it hurts when you think about the sacrifices, and you feel life is not fair.

Believe me, I also have those moments. When I say I understand,  I truly mean it.

However, you  must understand that while trauma isn’t your fault, healing is your responsibility.

You can’t heal from pain If you continuously  visit old wounds or give life to topics that put you in a “dramatic” position where you entertain the public with your private matters. You will end up looking like the problem you are trying to solve.

One thing I have done to protect my energy and peace since I became a single parent is to stay away from things, people, and places that trigger any old wound I’m trying to heal from

The Power of Healing

Healing is an art.

It takes time, it takes practice, discipline, and self-love.

I also learned that healing is in phases, and the more inner work you do, the more things came to the surface.

Instead of explaining myself to folks who have not walked a mile in my shoes, I focused on my healing journey, prayer, and affirmations.

Also Read: Before You Judge Another Single Mom

Mindfulness Practice

Healing affirmations for tra.u.ma is one of the tips I shared in my soon-to-be-released self-help book. If you would like to have a copy, kindly click here to join the waitlist. I also shared some techniques I used over the years to stay grounded and focused, even when I was gaslighted.

It’s not easy really, but once you learn to forgive yourself, you have the power to control your emotions and your impulse.

Read Also: 5 Dating Tips for Single Moms

You will know who or what deserves a response or reaction and avoid drama.

I also realized that what some saw as my inadequacies ( single parent status), others appreciated as my strength. I focused on the latter.

Watch: 5 Ways To Stop Being A People Pleaser

The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is how to silence the mind and be discerning.

Sending love, light, and good vibes to single parents who are trying to heal from pain.

Remember, healing is your responsibility.

signed,

A single mom doing it alone.

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In Career Gems By

13 Influential Female Bloggers In Nigeria

Sharing information around the globe has become trendy across social media platforms due to the improvement in technology. Blogging is one of the main communication platforms accessible in this digital age.

A blog is an information platform where a writer or team of writers craft interesting content on a wide range of subjects such as news, food, fashion, lifestyle, and many more.

Nigeria is blessed with numerous talented bloggers trending on social media with active followers of their blogs. Women are ranking top in the list of influential, popular, and successful bloggers in Nigeria.

These 13 top female bloggers are experts in creating detailed and engaging content that captivates readers and entertains steady advertisements. These blogs focus on a variety of topics that Nigerian society can relate to and find interesting.

Below are the top 13 female bloggers in Nigeria you should follow this year.

1. Linda Ikeji

Linda Ikeji uses her more than 15 years of experience to dish out entertaining and outstanding content. She owns Lindaikeji.blogspot.com. Her blog releases stories and news, which consists of political news and celebrity updates that are unique to her blog. Linda Ikeji who is also known as the Queen of bloggers is one of the most popular, wealthiest, and influential bloggers in Africa.

Top bloggers
Linda Ikeji

2. Uche Pedro

Uche Eze is the CEO of ‘Bella Naija’ which is one of the most trendy and winning blogs in Nigeria. Her blog posts consist of a detailed analysis of African weddings, beauty, fashion, music, entertainment, lifestyle, and many more. Numerous newbie bloggers draw inspiration from Uche Pedro.

Top female bloggers
Uche Pedro

3. Tosin Ajibade

Tosin is popular for dishing out entertaining and lifestyle content from her blog ‘Olorisupergal.’ She is an accounting degree holder from Lagos State University (LASU). Her top-notch blog posts have attracted several awards, and nominations consisting of Leading Ladies Africa, and YNaija’s 100 most significant women in Nigeria.

Olrisupergal-Tosin Ajibade
Tosin Ajibade- Olorisupergal

4. Laila Ijeoma

After quitting her job as a banker she turned her focus on blogging as a profession. Over the years she has demonstrated that blogging is a profitable career. She joins the list of top bloggers in the country. Fashion, lifestyle, politics, and celebrities gist are covered in her blog_ LailasBlog.com

Laila Ijeoma top blogger
Laila Ijeoma

6. Yemisi Aiyedun – Sisi Yemmie

Yemisi Aiyedun also called Sisi Yemmie, is a top Nigerian blogger. A mass communication graduate from Igbinedon university. Her blog ‘sisiyemmie.com’ publishes fashion tips, food and restaurant reviews, lifestyle, beauty, and many more. Her unique approach to numerous topics has landed her multiple awards.  Three words for Yemisi’s blog are engaging, entertaining, and educative.

Top Female Bloggers
Sisi Yemmie

7. Kemi Filani

Kemi is a journalist and blogger. She owns one of the most visited blogs_ KemiFilani which offers valuable information on Love/weddings, spirituality,  juicy celebrity gossip, news break down in contemporary styles, and movies.

Kemi Filani blogger
Kemi Filani

8. Stella Dimoko Korkus

Another successful female blogger that covers a wide range of topics such as entertainment, gossip, events, inspiration, lifestyle, news, fashion, and a lot more is Stella Dimoko Korkus .  Over the years she has become a daring journalist and her blog stelladimokorkus.com reflects that.

Top female bloggers

9. Moji Delano

Moji Delano  is an online media aficionado, lawyer, communications strategist, and entrepreneur, She is behind  popular blog; mojidelano.com, and  also the owner of SMD media.

Top female blogger
Moji Delano

10. Ladun Liadi (Oladunni)

The blog ‘LadunLiadi‘ was founded by Oladunni. She publishes blog posts on fashion, trends, celebrity updates, and hot gossip in Nigeria’s entertainment industry. Her blog is captivating, juicy, and interesting.

Top female bloggers
Ladun Liadi

11. Chidimma Umeh

Chidimma Umeh is the founder of ThatIgbochick blog. A beauty, lifestyle, and fashion blog that virtually shares detailed information on facial cosmetics, make-up, and fashion. She passionately writes on the listed subject and this attracts make-up and fashion lovers to her blog. Her posts are engaging and entertaining as she also writes about interesting aspects of her personal life, beauty tips, traveling, and others. Her blog is also known as dimmaumeh.com.

Dimma Umeh Thatigbochick

12.  Kate Ijeoma

Kate loves to write  about women, their fears, struggles and challenges  on her blog. She tell stories of women no matter where they come from in a bid to inspire and encourage them to embrace their uniqueness. Her blog  feminine.com.ng blog educates women on the importance of having a voice and identity.

Top female blogger
Kate Ijeoma

13. Tobi Ayeni

Tobi Ayeni a Banking and Finance graduate at covenant university is one of the top female bloggers in Nigeria who founded missitechy, a technology-based blog that bloomed tremendously over the years.

Tobi is multi-talented because apart from being a blogger she is a digital marketer and proficient in regulating online communities, generating campaigns, unraveling insights, accessing metrics, and educating clients about the above listed.

Top female blogger in Nigeria

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Ejiro Osakede
In Editor's Choice By

Ejiro Osakede: The Podcaster Who Is Using Her Skills To Help Authors Become Visible

Ejiro Osakede  is a woman of many expressions. She’s a Singer, Trainer,  Author, Sound Engineer, VoiceOver Artist, Master Storyteller, Podcaster and Event Host.  She is the resident MC at the Female Founders Initiative MEA.

Everyone has talent. What’s rare is the courage to follow it to the places where it leads. There are people who multi-talented in different skills and thrive in all, Ejiro Osakede has succeeded everywhere she has taken her gift.

She is an audiobooks creator for African authors, with works from notable authors.  The multi-award recipient is also known as the Energetic EJ. She is dedicated to training and supporting audiobook creators, narrators and podcasters by creating content and courses that help them thrive in their craft. As well as provide support via a closed community.

She is the convener of THE BECOMING SUMMIT- an initiative to awaken in the young generation (Ages 18 -35) a desire to BE a better version of themselves, being fit for their purpose and has reached Africa, Europe and Asia, spanning several countries across these continents.

Her Podcast, ‘Stretch Street’ focuses on documenting the stretch stories of individuals who have been through tough times and have come out of it as better people. In this interview with Esther Ijewere, she shares her inspiring story.

Childhood Influence

Consider me a womb opening for my parents. They had me after trying for a child for over a decade and so you can imagine the dramatic entry I made into the world. I was told they celebrated for like a week, starting from the hospital to the whole village.

My Dad was a sailor at the time and he worked with colleagues of other nationalities, they were all aware of the long wait and when I came along he was still away on his trip. So, when he returned, it was a whole week of partying and celebrating the arrival of his first child after waiting for so long and going through all manners of ridicule.

I was also told that I was a very bold and confident child and so I became popular as a toddler. You see why I said the spotlight is attracted to me. And that has been the case always. Whether I try or not, I always get noticed in any setting I show up.

In this regard, my childhood prepared me for what I am doing today. God has been faithful in placing me amongst leaders, visionaries and purpose driven individuals and communities.

Inspiration behind BECOMING SUMMIT

As an African Youth, there is a tendency to shortchange ourselves and discount us even before opportunities arrive. Especially for those of us from very humble backgrounds. And to make matters worse, for young people who didn’t have the right set of people around them to help them see that although their environment seems to be stifling, they can curate for themselves an enabling environment by the type of content they consume and the type of people they connect with online.

Ejiro Osakede
Ejiro Osakede, Podcaster and Storyteller

Being a Storyteller, Podcaster, Sound Engineer, Voice-Over Artist and Singer

I will start from singing. I started singing when I was a kid. I was part of the junior choir and then moved on to the senior choir. Then I became a worship leader back then. And since then, I pretty much grew in that regard as a church girl.

Then in 2000 after dropping out of school for lack of funds to pay my final year fee. I stepped into the entertainment industry as a backup singer. So, I became a back up singer both on stage and in the studio.

I had the opportunity to work with musicians from back then like Imona and the crusaders band, Mr. Kool, Ochonma, Tony-one-week, Dabyna and Jahcub Abraham to mention a few.

While that was going on, I also started to train as a field sound engineer. I learned how to build speakers, microphones and set up the stage for mega concerts. On days when I am not with the band backing up on stage, I will be on the stage manning the console and dealing with cables and equipment.

In 2005, I wrote a song and upon reflection while I wrote it, I realized that I wasn’t sure my life was in the exact direction I wanted it to be. I knew I would be in the spotlight, but I wanted my story to be inspiring and I felt if I continued at the pace I was at the time as a showgirl, I might miss my way.

So, I decided to withdraw from the entertainment industry to go figure my life out. Then I decided to go back to school. I wanted so badly to go take an acting course at PEFTI. But I was advised against it. And I was encouraged to take up a Course that could get me a secured job. So, I settled for Secretarial Studies.

Once I was done with my OND I knew this wasn’t the course for me, so I refused to go further with my HND to go out and explore my options.

That was when I took the OAP course with The ProEmcees Academy founded by Kamal Salau, a veteran in the broadcast industry back then. This was where I started to get more interested in the use of my voice. And it was also during this short course that I fell in love with audiobooks.

Ejiro Osakede becoming summit
Ejiro osakede

One of the materials that was presented during this course was THE BIBLE EXPERIENCE. And this project got me hooked so badly I told myself I wanted to replicate it for African Authors. And that became my main project for the next couple of years.

Working with African Authors to convert their books into audio. Years down the line, I figured I must be getting something wrong and maybe I should go back to school to gain more knowledge. So, I went back to get a degree in audio engineering at SAE Dubai.

The storytelling is a result of being a podcaster as my podcast covers the stories of my guests. I started podcasting officially in 2019. It started with a faith-based podcast named Worship Song of the Week which lasted a year.

Then I started The Afrocentrist Podcast towards the end of 2020 and rebranded late 2022 into Stretch Street Podcast where the goal is to document the stretch stories of individuals to draw out life lessons from their challenging experiences while aggregating references for young people of African descent that challenges are not exclusive to any of us.

They are there to teach us and to make the most of them we must learn to identify the lessons that these challenges came to teach us and also document them so that others can learn from our mistakes or success.

The Journey So Far

My journey so far has been a learning curve. I am getting to know myself better as well as improving in the way that I show up. It’s not been an easy ride but its been a great one so far. I have had to explore the multiple phases of my skills, talents and strengths. Mostly through service to others and as a solo-prenuer.

I have also taken up a lot of courses to develop various aspect of my expressions. Majority of which took place between 2022 and now. Before then I had an OND in Sec Admin, I trained as an OAP, I took Conflict resolution masterclasses. I also took a couple of short courses in Public speaking both back home in Nigeria and abroad in Dubai UAE.

Challlenges

I’d say the major challenge for me was internal. I had a lot of limiting mindsets. And it’s taken a lot of work to get to where I am today. I am still a work in progress. This is why I take personal development very dear to my heart.

My Passion For Creating Audiobooks for African Authors

I believe that as Africans we haven’t done a great job in telling our stories or documenting our lives from the place of strength like one of my mentors Onye Ubanatu would say. At the time when I picked up this niche, I couldn’t even articulate it this much. I just knew that I wanted to help African Authors leave a digital footprint in the audiobook space.

I wanted a situation where our books will be in audio format and not stop there, but also in our local dialects to preserve our heritage.

One time I was researching the languages in Nigeria, and I discovered that some languages from the northern part of the country have gone extinct and more will go extinct in the next 20 to 30years. Leaning into audio content is one way that we can preserve our languages for generations to come. And the gift of the internet and cloud storage can be leveraged to make this happen.

Ejiro Osakede
Ejiro osakede receiving an award

I can’t say that I have succeeded in birthing this idea but I don’t cease to talk about it, because as much as I don’t feel I’ve done justice to it, I know that there are people out there who bare the same burden as me, and least I can do is keep talking about it so that they can also know that they are not alone in their thoughts. And perhaps some day we can have a couple of young Africans come together to do something about it and maybe build a solution collaboratively.

Other Projects and Activities

Since I couldn’t pull off the audiobook project to mainstream, I felt I had a chance to take it in bite size and start with podcasting. So, I’ve been an advocate for young Africans to use their voice for impact, influence and income. They can do this by following their convictions and sharing their messages using podcasts as a tool.

Hence I run a challenge where I train, guide and support newbie podcasters how to set up their podcast not just because it’s in vogue, but to plug it into what they feel convinced is their purpose and use this tool to grow their impact and influence while earning an income through it as well.

I have had about 50 people go through this program in the last one year and counting.

What I Enjoy Most About My Job

As an audio content producer; Podcasts, audiobooks, voice overs, I love editing, I love experiencing the minds of those that I get to work with. I also get to learn while I am working, that means for me, work is growth. And there is nothing as blessed as having to do what you love and getting paid for it.

Women Who Inspire Ejiro Osakede and Why

Edirin Edewor – She is my coach, turned friend and sister. If resilience was a person then it is Edirin Edewor. She’s intelligent, gentle and has a big heart for people. She’s like a gift that keeps giving. And her story gets me up my feet every time I think about what she has to go through with her health condition and still be able to make such significant impact. Honestly I respect her strength, commitment, resilience, and intelligence.

Debola Deji-Kurunmi – a.k.a DDK. DDK showed me the power of multi influential flows. The fact that as humans and especially as women, we have the capacity to flow in more than one direction and there is nothing wrong about it. We only need to embrace our potential and set up systems in place to manage our multiple flows. And she does it so seamlessly making me understand the power of a team, the power of people, the power of intentionality and maximizing the relationships in our lives.

top podcasters

What We Can Do  To Support Women With Different Skill Sets 

It is not uncommon to see women with various skill set, yet when it comes to the market place its a struggle for many of us. Naturally we are comfortable and familiar with the concept of wearing many hats as a woman. Mother, sister, friend, sister-in-law, daughter, daughter-in-law, Aunt and colleague.

However, when it comes to our skills, it feels so wrong and scattered sometimes when we are skilled in different areas. So I think we should talk more about it and have programs that will help us manage our skills better.

One Thing I wish To Change In My Sector

I will speak to this from an African perspective. If there is one thing I could change it will be the silo mentality. As a people we would do more, grow faster, make more impact if we learn to collaborate effectively. If we learn to bring our resources, skills and aligned visions together to form a bigger vision that will outlive us.

Being  a Woman of Rubies

I am consistently evolving. I am big on personal development and inspiring others with my life. I have the interest of the people I serve at heart. I am winning against the battle of comparison daily and embracing my uniqueness with confidence and charisma. This makes me a woman of Rubies.

Follow Ejiro on her socials;

IG – https://www.instagram.com/energeticej_/

FB – https://www.facebook.com/Ejisbebe

LI – https://www.linkedin.com/in/energeticej/

Twitter – https://twitter.com/EjiroOsakede

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Tems
In Career Gems By

6 Things You Need To Know About Grammy Awards Winner,Tems

Tems part in Future’s hit single ‘Wait For U’ earned her the Grammy award for ‘Best Melodic Rap performance’ at the recent Grammy awards ceremony. Making her the first female artist from the Nigerian music industry to win a Grammy.

Tems

When Tems merged forces  with Wizkid for  ‘Essence,’ the anthem catapulted the sultry singer into an unexpected stardom.  However, with her global recognition, there are many interesting facts about her that people are yet to know about.

Here are six thing you didn’t know about the singer;

On her debut EP, Tems features the voice of her mother on ’Témìládè Interlude’. The track tells the story of an unshakeable maternal instinct that reassured her mother she’d bear a daughter, whose name was destined to be: Témìládè Openiyi.

Born to a Nigerian mother and British-Nigerian father, the family moved to England for the first three years of her life, before returning to her home country.

At 17, she started to venture forwards with music, putting aside her beliefs around her voice not being sufficiently ‘feminine’. At this time, she joined the choir and started learning how to play the piano.

Tems at grammys
Tems at JayZ and Beyonce Pre-Grammys Party

Up ’til her latest EP, she majorly produced her own beats.

She loves Ghana

Ghana is Tems’ favourite place to watch the sunset. In touch with nature and surroundings, the artwork for ‘If Orange Was A Place’ is meant to resemble the warm tones of a sunset.

Nigerian Singer Tems
Tems at the Grammys

Tems connection with British singer, Adele

It  was Adele who steered Drake’s attention towards the Nigerian vocalist, which then landed her a spot on the rap icon’s sixth studio album, ‘Certified Lover Boy’.

Congrats on her new feat! We celebrate you, Tems!

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Follow us on Instagram for more inspiring story

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Reni Edoo-Lodge
In Career Gems By

Reni Eddo-Lodge Is The First Black British Author To Top UK Book Charts

Reni Eddo-Lodge is an award winning journalist, author, and podcaster. She was the first black British author to take the overall No 1 spot in the UK’s official book charts few years ago.

Reni Eddo-Lodge’s Big Break

Eddo-Lodge’s “Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race” topped Nielsen BookScan’s UK top 50 in the week to 13 June, 2020, making her the first black British author to take the top slot since Nielsen began recording book sales in 2001.

The only black author to have taken the No 1 spot on the overall charts is the former US first lady Michelle Obama in 2018, with her memoir “Becoming“.

The book which was first published in 2017, became extremely popular in the wake of the recent Black Lives Matter protests. “Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race” details why the author would not be having conversations about race with most white people because they “refuse to accept the legitimacy of structural racism and its symptoms”.

Early Life

Eddo-Lodge was born and raised in London, England, by a Nigerian mother.She attended St Anne’s Catholic High School in Enfield.

She studied English literature at University of Central Lancashire, graduating in 2011. While at university, she became involved in feminist activism and the 2010 student protest movement. She was president of the University of Central Lancashire students’ union until 2012, and was an elected member of the National Executive Council of the National Union of Students from 2012 to 2013.

Career

As a freelance journalist, Eddo-Lodge has written for a number of publications, including The New York Times, The Guardian, The Independent, and several others.

Reni Eddo-Lodge has also appeared on BBC Radio 3’s Night Waves, discussing feminist issues. In April 2014, she was a judge in the BBC Woman’s Hour Power List 2014. In July 2020, Lodge partnered with Emma Watson and the WOW Foundation to spearhead a project reimagining the London Underground Map, renaming the 270 stops to spotlight women and non-binary people who have shaped the city’s history. 

 

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