Esther Ijewere

In Interviews&profile December 16, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

THE CHIGOZIEM EMEREUWA STORY: FROM LOSING HER ENTIRE FAMILY IN AN ACCIDENT TO ACQUIRING PHD

In August 2001, Chigoziem Emereuwa lost her entire family in a car accident that claimed the lives of all her siblings and parents, The beautiful graduate with Phd in Pure Mathematics from University of Pretoria didn’t let that deter her from pursuing her dreams.

She went back memory lane on the fateful day that changed her life forever and said “I only remember being in the back seat, playing a travel game with my sister and then waking up in the hospital” ,my life switched from one moment to the other, I didn’t even get the chance to mourn properly as my aunts and paternal family made sure I wasn’t alone.

The part-time Assistant Lecturer at the Department of Mathematics at the University of Pretoria, South Africa shares her touching yet inspiring story and what kept her going in this interview.

Childhood

I loved my childhood, it is one of those times in my life I can’t stop talking about. It was filled with lots of activities, I played soccer, I climbed trees, I rode bicycles, I did a lot of outdoor activities and I also watched a lot of cartoons and movies. During school times, I played a little less because I had to go to school, do my homework and a little schoolwork afterwards. However, during the holiday, my mum wouldn’t register my siblings and I for holiday lessons because she believed that our brains need to rest, so we had all the time to do all the things I mentioned earlier. In a nutshell, that part of my childhood taught me that relaxing and taking a break is just as important as working. So in a way, yes, some parts of it made me who I am.

Losing my entire family in a fatal accident

During the first few years after the accident, I became a little moody, I wasn’t as playful as I used to be. I also began to spend most of my time indoors and my grades went down a lot too. My paternal aunt took me in immediately after my parents’ funeral, her children treat me like I am one them, since the last child is older than I am, I am now the official ”last born” of her family. However, she died after I got into the university but my cousins don’t treat me any differently till today, in fact one of them flew in to South Africa to attend my Masters graduation ceremony. Their unconditional love and support together with that of my paternal aunts, uncle, cousins and my Godmother got me through that painful time.

Being a PHD holder in Pure Mathematics..

I am not a PhD holder yet, I’m still in process. My paternal family helped me make the choice when I was applying for university, I continued with it because I realized that it creates a foundation for a lot of disciplines and career paths. I could be a lecturer, I could go into finance, I could do something that borders between Engineering, Physics and Chemistry which is what I am doing at the moment. The opportunities are endless. At the same time, I might increase the amount of females we have in the field and possibly inspire a few others to join in the fun.

What and who inspire me

My inspiration comes from a lot of people and almost everything. When it comes to academics, I look up to my supervisor, his brilliance is quite intimidating. However, my paternal family has a few PhD holders and at the moment, I am not the only PhD candidate in my family. I have family here, my uncle is a professor in his field and his wife has two Bachelor’s degrees, two Masters degrees and an LLD so when I need a personal push, it’s always a phone call away. There aren’t a multitude of women in my field so anyone I meet or read about is an inspiration for me. Being an orphan, I admire anyone or group of people who try to make life easier for the less privileged especially because some of the people who give their time and resources don’t understand how much their gestures no matter how little gives hope to the less privilege. These things make me want to be in position where I can positively affect lives which in turn makes me want to be a better person. I really can’t make a list of people because it would be endless, I’m a gatherer of inspiration.

How I felt when my story went viral

I was overwhelmed, humbled and at the same time scared. It drew a lot of attention to me and I’m not used to that. It’s always been me, my family and my small circle of friends so when people I didn’t know started telling me how they found the story inspiring and motivating, I began to realize it too. I have lived my life thinking the story was sad and it might attract some sort of sympathy which I didn’t want so it wasn’t always the first thing I said. Now I am honored that people can draw motivation and inspiration from it.

Greatest reward

Personally, I find joy in teaching and interacting with students. When I get a result after so much work, the feeling is priceless. There is no greater reward than joy and affecting peoples’ lives positively.

Challenges

The greatest challenge is being in the right frame of mind. My career requires a lot of studying so my supervisor always reminds me that being in the right frame of mind is the key. This is because we have no external equipment, it mostly come from our minds, so even if we have all the tools we need (e.g theorems, articles…) and the books, we could spend months on a problem only to solve it in a matter of days when you’ve gotten the right momentum and focus. That is when that extra hour of study or the late nights pay off.

Women in my line of study have been given enough room to soar…

We are in a time where women empowerment seems to be the goal of a lot of organizations and institutions so we are given some sort of support and funding. Academia needs funding, with it you can attend conferences, buy the necessary books, sponsor your education and supervise students as well. For students, there are funding opportunities and some that are dedicated to women like Margaret McNamara Memorial fund, L’Or´eal-UNESCO for women in Science Programme, etc to help bridge the gap and motivate younger women to further their studies in the Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics(STEM) fields. There are also associations like African Women in Mathematics, that help give and find the necessary support that we need.

Other projects and activities

Currently, I chair the Student Postgraduate Committee of the Mathematics and Applied Mathematics department at the University of Pretoria, I also represent my department in a similar committee at the faculty level. Occasionally, I do volunteer and assist with drives to gather supplies and clothing for the homeless.

On giving up

Well, it gets hard at times and I get tired, I need breaks which I take and wish could last forever but giving up is not an option and I remind myself that there is no room for that feeling.

I am a Woman of Rubies

I am someone who believe in possibilities. I am trying to lead a life that shows that we have to work hard to get to wherever we want to be but at the same time, understand that it is okay to ask for help when you need it.

Final word for women who have lost hope or in the process of giving up on themselves

All I can say is that life is beautiful, there’s always at least one person who hasn’t given up on you. So pray if you believe in God, focus on all the good things that has happened in your life so far and have faith that everything always works out in the end. When you find what you love doing, stick with it because in the long run, you will be grateful that you did and you might turn out to be a source of inspiration for someone else.

In Interviews&profile December 6, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

HAUWA OJEIFO IS THE ONLY FEMALE RECIEPIENT OF THE 2018 QUEEN YOUNG LEADERS AWARD IN NIGERIA

The Queen’s Young Leaders programme has announced that three Nigerians, Kennedy Ekezie-Joseph, Isaac Ezirim, and Hauwa Ojeifo have been chosen as three of the Queen’s Young Leaders Award winners in recognition of the lead they are taking in their communities to change lives.

The prestigious Awards programme, now in its fourth and final year, celebrates exceptional young people aged 18 to 29 from across the Commonwealth and the work they are undertaking to improve lives across a diverse range of issues, from supporting people living with mental health problems, helping children to receive a quality education, to promoting gender equality.

Kennedy, Issac and Hauwa will now join the Queen’s Young Leaders network of 240 Award winners, a unique community of influential change-makers, who represent all 52 Commonwealth countries. The winners will receive their Award from Her Majesty The Queen at a special ceremony at Buckingham Palace in London, UK, next year.

Meet Hauwa Ojeifo

Hauwa Ojeifo has experienced a darker side of life. A bipolar and post-traumatic stress disorder diagnosis in 2015 led her to start She Writes Woman in April 2016, when she could not find any support group to help her through her mental illness.

She Writes Woman is a movement of love, hope and support for women with mental illness. In July, just three months after its creation, She Writes Woman launched the first 24/7 mental illness helpline in Nigeria and have received calls locally and internationally since, helping people better understand mental illness and most important providing them with the right professional help.

In the words of the 25-year-old Business Administration graduate and fashion enthusiast, “Mental illness is not a death sentence, it is not wearing rags by the road in a bin pile. That’s the picture that always comes to mind even unconsciously. I always tell people that you can live an extraordinary life even with mental illness. I don’t try to be normal, I am extraordinary despite and in spite of my mental illness”. Hauwa is living the dream, here’s her story.

Speaking on her award, the 25 year old activist has this to say; “It’s such an honour to have been chosen to receive a Queen’s Young Leaders Award – a rare privilege to become a part of this diverse group of young people who are selflessly serving their communities. I can’t wait to meet the other Award winners, learn about their work and how this programme will further empower us for social change. I’m really excited to see what the year ahead will bring.”

Queen’s Young Leaders programme was established in 2014 by The Queen Elizabeth Diamond Jubilee Trust in partnership with Comic Relief, The Royal Commonwealth Society and the University of Cambridge’s Institute of Continuing Education, in recognition of The Queen’s lifetime of service to humanity.

The Queen’s Young Leaders Award winners receive bespoke training, mentoring and networking opportunities, and take part in a residential programme in the UK, to help them build on the work they are leading in their communities. They join a now complete network of Award winners and, in tribute to Her Majesty The Queen’s lifetime of Service, will continue to connect and collaborate and change lives for years to come. Award winners will attend a residential programme in the UK in June, when they will receive their Award at Buckingham Palace from Her Majesty The Queen.

In Interviews&profile July 21, 2021 By Esther Ijewere

“I Was Suicidal After My Marriage Broke Up”- Kemi Oyesola

Kemi Oyesola is the Founder/CEO of How2Think Global Consulting Empire , a platform she founded in 2006 in sad circumstances after she separated from her husband of sixteen and half years. A situation that made her depressed and suicidal, but the mother to 2 adult children and grandmother found hope in her hopeless situation and she uses her story to teach people how to think outside the box and control their thoughts when faced with life threatening situation such as hers. Coach Kemi as she is fondly called is a certified Gold coach and also an NLP Practitioner. In her words: “I had to think my way into the kind of life I desired. I had to accept first that I was responsible for where I found myself. Kemi shares her story exclusively with Esther Ijewere in this interview.

Childhood

I think every one’s childhood prepares them for what they do later in life even if at that time they do not know it. We all at one time or another look back at our childhood and realise that we were like that so that we can do what we do now. My childhood was very happy. What I remember very clearly is that I was a talkative and got reported to my parents by my teachers throughout my primary school years. I also remember that I always wanted to take care of people, whether it was in my home or outside my home. I did not really understand why but I enjoyed caring for people. I was always helping or serving. I did wonder why I loved doing so much work – because, yes it was work. With hindsight which is 20/20, I realise now that I was born to take care of others which is what I am doing now. I talk for a living, whether as a speaker or when I coach or consult.

Inspiration behind How2Think

The inspiration was the breakup of my marriage. I wondered, especially as I worked at it how come my marriage broke up. I knew that I have only this time to live on earth as is; there is no Part B of this life lived just this way. I had to do the best of it as I have it now. I had to be separated from my now ex-husband to live the life I felt I was called to; to do the things that kept burning in my heart to do. I could not run away from it and although it hurt to break up my marriage, I am glad I did. I would not change it for anything. And so, it was at the point of break up I asked God why when the answer I heard was, “It’s because of the way you think. ’And that was how I started the search for what exactly it is to ‘THINK.’ I realised with my findings that I would have to teach others the ‘how’ of thinking because it was this that determined how we live and the results that we get. It is a deep thing, thinking and so many of us do not pay it attention. We need to think about what we think about. And that is how I was inspired to start How2Think Global Consulting Empire.

Being Suicidal

I was suicidal after my marriage broke up and almost lost it… It was unexpected. It was unwanted. There was much pain and there was a long journey to the demise of my marriage and the consequences of such. I realised after the break up that it was my thinking that had got me where I was. Being a Christian and married to my Pastor, I knew that we had been serving faithfully and so asked God why my marriage broke. He answered, “Because of the way you think.” So, I picked up the Bible to find the word, ‘think.’ After all, I had never heard that word in church. But you know, that isn’t true. What I had not done was notice the word. After studying the Bible for a couple of days, I found the sentence, ‘… for as he thinks in his heart, so is he’ – and have been studying this ever since; and teaching it too. Many are not aware of how they think. It is the crux of everything, absolutely everything in life. Before you do anything, you think. The resultant effect of your thoughts is your character. Like any seed, thought is a seed and will grow. Therefore, you determine the harvest. But the learning was not in the study as it was in the living. After my ex-husband left, I went into depression and was exceedingly stressed but what was different was that I didn’t know.

I lost my hair and for over 10 years it did not grow until my son was almost 20 years old. I became exceedingly poor, so poor there were times I did not have heating in my house; I could not give my children pocket money to go to school; I was so poor I had to be evicted from my house. I was suicidal and wanted to jump from a very high place in order to kill myself. I brandished a knife on my ex husband – I wanted to kill him. I knew then that I was going kuku in the head and it wasn’t good. There are other things that happened to me that brought me to a low place.. That is another story. The highlight of this is that I had to come out of the depression and quit being stressed but I didn’t know how. I sought help from others, but they only told me what I already knew. I was sinking and sought to stay my head above water but I couldn’t find where or how.

A few times, I thought I needed medical help but I knew they would only tell me what everyone else had been telling me. I needed something to help me get out of the morass I was in. It wasn’t until after I knew I was the only one who could help me that it began to sink. I had the problem I was on a mission to teach. I had to overcome this problem otherwise I would be a hypocrite. I had to think my way into the kind of life I desired. I had to accept first that I was responsible for where I found myself. I had to accept that God had done all He was going to do and the buck rested with me. Nothing has been harder than that acceptance. And nothing has been freer than that acceptance. It took me a few years but I did it – and continue to do it. It is a life’s work. I know that I am on a mission, it is not just a vision – to help individuals learn how to think. I believe that your mind is set with your thoughts thus, I focus on Thought Set and not mind set. In fact, I do not teach mindset. I had no choice but to bounce back. At the age these things happened to me, I was in my early 40’s, I had read about so many tragic situations where the individuals ended up dead or their lives meant nothing because they had lost their mind. I just could not end up like that. It was tempting but it was also scary. It also felt like I would be a total failure if I did not overcome the heartache and the sense of failure that my marriage didn’t work. I knew there was a better way and it lay in how I was THINKING. I knew that no one person and no divine entity could make this happen for me. I did call on God for help, but the buck stopped with me. I remember at the point that I wanted to jump, hearing the voice of God telling me how strong the person was – who was the reason I wanted to jump to kill myself. That annoyed me. And it was enough for me to hear it, think about it and change my mind. But after that moment, I knew it had to be a daily decision to live and not give up. You see, giving up is the first step to becoming suicidal. Once one gives up, there is no reason to carry on in life; for what do you want to carry on doing? I decided to win in life; I could not be among those who lost. What reason would I give? It just didn’t make sense.

Instilling Values in my Kids

One value I have instilled in my kids and how I balance work and home life That one value I have instilled in my children is that they must win; they can do anything and they are not allowed to be stupid or poor. Winning is non-negotiable.

Balancing Home and Work

I balance home and work life by working from home and working for myself thus I have better control. Also, my children are adults now so it makes things so much easier although when they were younger, I was a housewife and worked from home when I started my business. If I had to go out as part of my business, I took my children with me. Even now, if my grandchildren must be with me and I need to speak at an event, I take them with me. It is important to me that they see what I do and learn too.

What and who inspires me

What inspires me is the work ahead that I still need to do. The fact that I can, except I decide not to. The fact that the work ahead is given to me because I can do it not because I cannot do it and so must work hard at it. Who inspires me are many – individuals who have faced hardship and overcome. Individuals like Les Brown, Nick Vujicic, Eric Thomas and others like them. They have made it through tough times and did not give up. They could give reasons today for their failures or inadequacies but they forged ahead. Now, for me, that is inspiring.

Greatest reward

The greatest reward is when I see the change in those I have helped. That change, the transformation is what I aim for. I must see it otherwise I have not done my job and there is no reward.

Challenges

Not being able to reach those I would like to work with because they do not see the necessity for knowing how to think. But more than that, when I can speak to clients, I have the awesome job of helping them understand the priority of knowing how to think. This is a huge challenge, but we get there in the end.

My perception of women in my industry

Women are amazing within the coaching industry and need to know this. The ability of a woman to want to help others and to start a business despite all the moving parts, is simply wonderful.

On giving up

Oh yes, of course I have had times when I want to give up. And I did give up on my business a few times but would come back. I have stopped that now because I find that success does not come to those who give up. Success comes to those who persevere and keep doing what they must do.

I am a Woman of Rubies

First, I love the ruby. I love red, it suits me and makes me glow. Red is a personification of who I am and what I stand for and one of my brand colours. A Woman of Rubies is a strong woman, I am strong; an able woman, I am able; a woman who believes she is unstoppable, am unstoppable; an indomitable woman, I am indomitable and a Woman of Rubies is a winner, I am a winner, period.

Final word for women who are thinking of going into the coaching and motivational speaking industry

Yes, one word of caution. Mind your own business with all you have got. No comparisons. Your business is yours and it is your responsibility to make it the very best that you can make it. Excellence is a non-negotiable. But before you get into business, be it coaching or any other kind of business, count the cost and hire yourself a mentor or coach. You will need their guidance on your journey. Do not go the journey on your own. It is harder and longer that way.

In lifestyle November 28, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

ELSIE GODWIN : LET’S TALK ABOUT “RAPE”

Rape is very sensitive. I have had my almost rape experience by someone who I considered family. A story I have on my blog. So this is not about not understanding what it feels like. Don’t try to be unfortunate while dropping your opinion in the comment section (or just sub me on your timeline, I promise I won’t see it)

We cannot keep talking about rape without talking about “False accusations” and “boundaries”

A false accusation of rape is the intentional reporting of a rape where no rape has occurred. Sometimes when we start this conversations, we are termed insensitive and victim shaming.

However, if we must talk rape then these other parts cannot be ignored. The idea of falsely accusing a man of rape is not something unheard of.

Most of us saw the story of a man who spent the better part of his life in jail for a crime he didn’t commit – rape.

Over the weekend, I read stories from different guys on Twitter. Stories that will leave you wondering if some ladies are mentally ill.

I am also glad that men are learning to speak up, sharing their stories instead of always waiting for the woman’s version then playing the victim. If you don’t share your stories, we cannot help you or understand you.

Insulting or cursing girls out will not help anybody understand. Narrate and share.

Dear Men, please Note that, at any point during intercourse or foreplay, once she says “NO”…”STOP”… whether she has received head, kissed you, held your penis, ate pizza, used free wifi, etc. If you continue, it is rape.

Dear ladies, it is highly important for us to note that regret is not rape. We had sex but he didn’t date me, is not rape. He gave me ordinary 2000 for tfare’ is not rape.

“The cheque he gave me bounced when I got to the bank” is not rape. “He left me to date a girl lesser than I am” is not rape. “He stoped calling me after we had sex” is not rape

And this brings me to rape by deception. Sorry fam, the term exists, however, when reporting such case, please let us know it is rape by deception so we can learn from the deceit too 🤦🏼‍♀️👀

Like you thought he was a man but she is a woman. 😂 the English tire me sha. He told you he is the governor’s son but he is a carpenter… Gists like that

Accusing a man of rape can ruin his life, destroy his career, drive him to depression and then suicide. It’s a horrible stigma we shouldn’t put on someone who isn’t a rapist.

Please be sure it actually is rape before you pick your phone to type shit or report the case. And oh, btw, please let your NO be NO.

The world is troubled enough and we don’t need mixed signals when it comes to sex. If you don’t want sex, please say it and mean it. Don’t say you don’t want sex but go looking for cuddle and spooning.

“I have a boyfriend but I just want us to make out” what the hell is that? Is your boyfriend suffering from stroke?

Guys should be able to have the maximum level of self control but please respect yourselves. Stay in your houses! Don’t make things complicated for people.

Now we are at a point where the man has to keep asking at intervals, “should I stop? Does it feel like rape?” Common fam!

Dear Men, please stay away from tipsy/drunk ladies. Stay away from children too (no be by age o). I don’t think it’s too difficult to know a lady is vibing with you sexually. Or do you guys need sex consent form now? 6

All I’m trying to say is, we are adults, humans and not animals. Let’s learn to take care of ourselves from beasts in human form. Take necessary precaution and respect your home training.

In self development November 25, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE : LIKE NATURE’S GENTLE TOUCH, IT’S TIME TO SPEAK UP

I got an invitation to a walk against domestic violence recently. Being that I have always stood against this vice, I was very happy to find out that others were as irritated as myself by the evil of domestic violence. What pleased me most was that this particular walk was backed by Natures Gentle Touch, Nigeria’s leading haircare brand.

It turned out a very worthwhile experience. It was not the first time I would be walking against the social vice, neither would it be the last. What made this experience special and left fond memories with me and I guess most of the participants is that it was championed by a business, not just a corporate body but a Nigerian business.

This is very striking because in this part of the world, it is a known fact that the subject of domestic violence is one that the vast majority are pretty uncomfortable to discuss, no, not openly. Family and friends offer support and tend to encourage victims to endure, while suffering in silence. This is why it is rare to find a company willingly staking its head to freely talk against it. Why this is so, remains unclear. But the decision by Natures Gentle Touch to initiate discuss on the ills of domestic violence has indeed given a new twist to the issue, lending it a corporate backing Aside leading in the walk against the social vice, the company I learnt also partnered on a film project titled “Omoye”, a movie on domestic violence which has generated lots of buzz in the public. This is highly commendable and something every other business should consider. The corporate world needs to get involved in the fight against this aberration. Like Natures Gentle Touch, we all need to speak up to defeat it!

While domestic violence is the violation of fundamental human rights, the prevalence of this social aberration is alarming and frightening as well. Available statistics on domestic violence in Nigeria shows there is no signs of it lessening. Infact it is believed that as many as two thirds of Nigerian women experience physical, sexual and psychological abuse at the hands of their husbands or partners. Shockingly, a huge number of pregnant women are reported to go through this horrible experience.

Though the issue of domestic violence isn’t only restricted to women, (there is a growing number of cases of violence against men), they are the most affected given our dysfunctional cultural system that places the man above the woman. Violence against a wife is seen as a tool that a husband uses to chastise his wife and to correct her. To make matters worse, even some of the victims, don’t see anything wrong with it.

I recall sometimes ago while I was a Corper. I had a roommate who shared her horrible experiences with her then boyfriend. According to her, this guy for simple reasons as her not picking his calls, would verbally abuse her and even beat her. Infact forceful sex became his way of making up with her, and surprisingly, this girl saw all of this as a sign of love.

Another story plays out in a church. A pastor had called on the men who beat their wife to come out for deliverance and here you had this man who decided to come forward and be delivered from what he believed to be an abnormality. He was quickly stopped by the wife, who felt ashamed and inadequate.

Domestic violence takes many forms including physical, sexual emotional and mental. The commonest forms being rape, acid attacks, molestation, battery and corporal punishment. Unfortunately these cases are under reported because of the unwillingness on the part of victims to talk about their experience, largely due to shame or fear.

And this is where the big challenge lies; the need to encourage victims to speak up and get help. As with all evil, it is important we continue to create awareness about the menace of domestic violence, possibly shout it on the roof top, because truth be told, domestic violence affects not just the victim but everyone collectively and most importantly children who watch the acts being committed. It predisposes them to trauma and other psychological problems throughout their lives and eventually they also most of the times become abusers as well, hence the cycle continues.

In self development November 20, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

CONFIDENCE EDOLOR : ONE PLACE, SEVERAL ROUTES.

I grew up loving the whole idea of looking beautiful behind a seat and reading off a sheet or screen.

I wanted to be a newscaster so Mass Communication was the answer.

However, i got to the university only to realise that news-reading wasn’t even a course.

I met courses like Graphics of Mass Communication, News writing, Photo-Journalism,e.t.c

Needless to say i was shocked.

All i want to do is read. Not all these hard courses. What has it got to do with looking pretty on TV?!

Don’t blame me.

I was fresh out of Secondary School and didn’t have much knowledge on how things worked.

I eventually adapted and discovered there were innate skills that were sharpened by those courses.

I began to understand me: my strengths, likes, dislikes, talents.

I saw the path i naturally drifted to and it positively affected my grades in courses like English, Feature and Article writing, Broadcasting e.t.c

When i left the university, i decided that i might do a thing or two with the print media but i must read news on TV.

I also realised i liked to talk about issues so i quickly added OAP to my ‘newscaster-ambition’.

It all worked out in my head till rubber met the road.

I went to broadcast stations, submitted CVs, went for interviews and got turned down.

No job! Nothing!

That they said ‘no’ was not the worst part.

Naa.

It was the fact that it would take them months to say no!

Wasting my time, wasting the money spent on frequent visits to their office, wasting my hopes!

I couldn’t keep staying at home. I needed to go out.

I re-wrote the CV severally and began applying for the position of a teacher, teller, correspondent, customer relations officer, administrative clerk, supervisor, receptionist, marketer…everything!

In fact, i actually went to a hotel and was told they needed a waitress.

I would have gladly accepted but that guy said i didn’t have previous work experience!

But Oga, shebi it’s just to serve tea??

OK, i can learn naa.

All the while, the desire to express myself was becoming strong.

I wanted to speak (and sing) words that provide direction, give encouragement and walk someone through a phase of their life.

Truthfully, that day i needed that job as a waitress but deep down i didn’t want it.

I needed a job but not just any job. It had to be the radio or TV!

I thought i wouldn’t be able to live out my dreams and express my desires if i don’t get a job as an OAP. Or how else would i reach people the way i wanted to?

How would i, if i signed up for any of those other things i was applying for?

Finally, i got a job as a marketer, an editor and later as a home tutor but i was still pinning for a time when i’d speak.

Gradually, i was becoming inflexible.

The temptation to carry on half-heartedly with the tutoring job was there.

I kept asking myself what it had to do with my dream, my goal, my big picture?

“This is not what i planned .This is not where i should be. This road doesn’t lead to the place i’m going”, i’d often think.

It felt like i was going the opposite direction.

Currently, i work in the Human Resources and Administration department of an organisation.

I remember almost disregarding the opportunity when it came.

I’m glad i didn’t.

Now, i’m beginning to learn that sometimes you flow with the tide, hoping and trusting you reach land safely.

I’ve not reached yet. I still want to speak and sing. I still want to motivate, inspire and create positive, long -lasting impact in the lives of people.

Yes, i still love the idea of reading and presenting but reminiscing on the journey thus far, i discover i had already started living my dreams.

I had begun towing the path without even realising it.

Apart from the people around me who seek for advice on issues, my job entails i speak to people on daily basis. I’ve not just collected CVs and issued queries.

The highlights have been saying something helpful to a colleague who’s having a bad day and being able to relate with an applicant’s struggles even as i say, ‘’no vacancy’’ – the same things i was longing to do on TV and radio.

Now, i don’t just see a job. I see people. I see me. I see purpose.

I realise that i can still be me in several ways, doing varied stuff.

I’m not fixated on what i think i should have been. I’m learning to adapt, to maximise the now.

I’m learning to walk with God, to “trust and obey for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus…”

You know that song, right?

I still don’t have it all figured out but i choose to take the route in front of me rather than wallow in indecision and deal with regrets later.

I’m still learning. I make mistakes but i choose to be on this path.

This path where i don’t need to wait for perfect conditions nor the dream job to do what i know i can do…to be who I am.

Maybe like me, you have your own big picture.

An image that makes your heart beat faster. The ‘one place’ you’ve always wanted to go.

A place where you know you’d be fulfilled and satisfied.

It might not be job- related. It might be going further in your education, becoming the best at what you do, starting up your own company, heeding the call of God on your life…

Start where you are with what you already have.

Be excellent at it.

If there are better places you think you should be, go there.

However, if for some reasons you can’t be at that desired spot. Then, treat the available like it was the desired.

Enjoy it. Give it the needed attention and zeal you would have given ‘the place’.

You may not know it but there are valuable lessons you can learn on this spot, at this stage of your life.

Lessons that would come in handy when you eventually get to ‘the place’.

You may have been experiencing too many detours already but who says you won’t get there?

Be open-minded. Be flexible.

Be willing to adapt.

Be you.

In whatever shade. In whichever way.In whatever circumstance.BE YOU!

There may be ‘one place’ but it’s allowed and it’s possible to have several routes.

Explore.

Live in the moment.

Live to the fullest.

In self development November 20, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

SIJU YUSUF : WOMAN, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

It was a women-only meeting, one of those organised by the women leader (usually the Head Pastor’s wife) to empower other women.

The agenda on this occasion was to inspire attendees to be more. To unlock potentials and harness their strengths.

I cannot remember what led to this conversation or the question that followed. However, I remember quite vividly how this beautiful unassuming woman stood up to ask a question, the question that changed the course of the conversation for that day and opened my eyes to the reality of some other women.

I call it a question because even though she presented it factually, I ‘decided’ it should be for her, a question. It was the most dramatic statement I had heard by then.

She said and I quote ‘When we get to heaven, our husbands will ‘face’ God on our behalf. Men will give account for the women-folk because they are our heads.

Saying I was dumbfounded is putting it extremely mildly but as one of the major participants of the event, I painfully had to snap out of my reverie. I mean, how beautiful will it be to carelessly dump my failures on HIS head at the end of time, I may as well start now. It will indeed be convenient to say the reasons I haven’t met deadlines and delivered or accomplished to the measure of expectations is because of a man/my husband.

Where ever this woman got her idea from, I may never know and honestly, it is irrelevant. The fact that she ‘lived’ (hopefully not anymore) with this idea carefully balanced in her head is what baffles me till date. I haven’t stopped wondering how many more women live with such ideas as this.

I may not even be as keen as talking about the end of time but I am so interested in how much influence, authority and rule we give men over us. Some ideas are as short changing as they are deadly.

To think we are not living up to the measure of our talents because ‘only men’ are expected to be talented is mind bugging.

An able bodied woman refuses to add value to herself because she believes women do not need to. Only men do. How lazily ridiculous! What books are you reading? What companies do you keep? Where do you get your ideas?

Snap out of the day dreaming for one, it is a bad dream and two, you are designed to do more; be more.

You may not be looking at making history like Michelle Obama but you need to be an example to the generation coming after you.

Stop shortchanging yourself with ridiculous excuses.

Stop applying the bible out of context.

Stop letting in junk.

Guard your heart with all diligence. These are the issues of life that we are talking about.

In Inspiration November 18, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

#INTERVIEW|”I WANT VOLUNTEERING TO BECOME A LIFESTYLE FOR YOUNG AFRICAN WOMEN” – TOBBY LORDWILLIAMS

Agusi Tobby Nazaar, fondly known as Gusi Tobby Lordwlliams, is a 21 years old driven young lady, an aspirant to the Nigerian Bar and founder of one of Africa’s fastest growing female volunteering network “Girlhub Africa” . Toby is also a talkshow host, and a professional make up artist. The young serial entrepreneur who is very passionate about creating more opportunities for African women and dedicated to her humanitarian service believe women are a treasure trove of possibilities. In this chat she talks about not being tempted to give up, her eureka moment, why she created her platform and where she sees herself in five years.

Childhood
My childhood did a whole lot to influence what I do today. In fact I’m a product of the saying “Train a child the way he should grow…”My parents are my NO 1 fans…My mum is a GHAV herself (GIRL HUB AFRICA
VOLUNTEER)…They both have always encouraged volunteering to us when we were kids.. My mum will take us during school holidays and after
summer lessons, to the hair-dressers shop and tell the hairdressers that we were there to help them for free, I never understood why she did that until i was much more older, but i loved it. Eventually I
realized this was done so we could learn the hair making skill. On another holiday she will take us to the tailor, and she kept on taking us to various artisans until she found out our areas of interest,
then she encouraged us to carve a niche out of what we have learned and also to help develop our skills…especially at church events,
weddings and other programs, my mum will make myself and my sisters help the organizers, we didn’t call it VOLUNTEERING then (Laughs), my
sisters’ friends would even call us “Over sabi”, but my mum knew what she was doing. And I thank God I want through all that process. Having all those experiences, now I can bake, make hair, sew cloths, repair a generator (Laughs), make some simple furniture, to mention but a few.

Meet me
I am a 21year old Nigerian. The last born of 4 girls from a family of 6. I started volunteering for social clubs back in my school days from my first year, and the impact/advantage it had on my life made me realize that a lot of people especially young ladies needed to engage themselves in several opportunities in other to really find purpose. I am currently the lead volunteer and founder of GIRL HUB AFRICA a professional female Volunteering Network. I love meeting people, reading, teaching, and traveling. I am an addict entrepreneur. On an average day, when I’m not on the move, I’m in my shorts and top, exchanging emails and closing deals. I also spend time praising God and running my other business.

Inspiration Behind Girls Hub Africa
I noticed there is a gap in our society where we preach being our brothers keeper but we don’t teach or encourage it. Our schools and society don’t necessarily provide a structure or avenue neither do they have a curriculum for people to give their time to a cause or movement without monetary reward. Our generation gradually have become self centered unlike previous generations, this days its all about financial gain or celebrity status, we are becoming desensitized, then I realized when we volunteer, that humane side of us grows, we become more humble and value our place in society as someone who can do their little bit which adds to a collective achievement with the objective of a positive influence. I was also tired of seeing a lot of young ladies after school/NYSC say “My sister work no dey”, Yes I believe things are not so easy in the country, but life itself is not a bed of roses, you have to go out there and create what you want for yourself. There are alot of opportunities out there to engage these youths if only they are willing to be selfless about it. I am glad to say since we started in April this year, we have recorded a 30% increase in employment among our volunteers, because what you do well for free can eventually bring you your fee.

How I feel about my achievements so far…
Graced… its simply a proof that there is more to be done. All these have made me realize that the sky is truly my starting point.

Projects and activities
I do have a lot of projects at the moment, but my pet projects which I have passion for are;
a) The TOUCH ME NOT CAMPAIGN by the AMAZING AMAZON INITIATIVE –
Speaking and counseling children in upper primary schools and secondary schools on the prevalence of rape, domestic violence and child sexual Abuse.

b) The GHAV project – engaging young minds in the act of volunteering, hence our *TEENS WHO VOLUNTEER* campaign,We basically make them understand that they can find purpose early in life as well as give back to their society simply by rendering a selfless service.

Greatest reward
That would be seeing my volunteers find purpose and also become successful at any niche they carve for themselves simply because they volunteered.
It brings me so much joy that these opportunities we provide are properly utilized by them.

Where I see my brand in the next five years..
As the Ministry of VOLUNTEERING in Nigeria 😄 (Laughs) Well we do have a plan…
We are currently talking with our partners.
our focus is people development, we haven’t crystallized our strategy but we have the resource to evolve and identify growing trends and
building up the relevant skills in our volunteers so that stay relevant.

In 5 years, we intend to have GHAV in all West African countries with a good membership strength of professional volunteers.

On giving up
Have I ever felt like giving up? Not at all, but this is true, I have always loved this and as the day goes by, I want to do even more until VOLUNTEERING becomes a lifestyle for young African women.

Who inspires me
God is my first inspiration, and then my mother. She is a typical example of a virtuous woman. I would also say my GHAV’s (GIRL HUB AFRICA VOLUNTEERS), they inspire me a lot, you need to experience the
feeling of seeing ladies unite just to render selfless services in our present day Nigeria. The joy and hard work they put in inspires me alot, now I believe that women are a treasure trove of possibilities. This one itself is so much more than inspirational.

I am a Woman Of Rubies
I am a WORrior because I believe the potential every woman has can be resourceful if given the right opportunities. Personally, I look beyond the ordinary, what every other person will deem impossible is
what’s possible to me.

Final words for women
What’s your passion? find it, work and focus on it, you are the best thing to happen in your community, you need to take advantage of every
opportunity so you can shine brighter than you can ever imagine but in doing that, learn to support every woman around you.

In self development November 14, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

“I USED HARD DRUGS TILL 2016 ,BUT I’M CLEAN NOW” – TOYIN ABRAHAM

I take codeine, other hard drugs. I couldn’t boast of N1m in 2016 says newly rebranded Nolywood actress Toyin Abraham

She has opened up on her past when she abused hard drugs like marijuana and codeine, and was involved in other vices. She made the disclosure at the 2017 edition of Success Story Africa, held in Lagos, on Sunday. .

“You need to stop bad habits. I was involved in a lot of vices and it became worse last year,” PremiumTimes quoted her as saying at the event. “I did drugs and I am not ashamed to say it because it’s now a thing of the past. .

They say codeine makes you high; I took a lot. I smoked a lot and I didn’t even know I looked horrible, because I was so skinny. If you came to my house last year, you would meet a lot of people and you wont want to leave because we smoked, gossiped about people and what have you.” .

According to PremiumTimes, she also talked about the mistakes she has made in the entertainment industry and how she has not let the negativity shape her. “I made a lot of mistakes when I began acting and that was because I did not have plans. I just wanted to be known. .

But, I now know that being popular isn’t the same thing as being successful. When I got into the industry and the fame became too much, I became irresponsible. I could not boast of N1 million in 2016. I was making money and I wanted to feel among. .

When one of our colleagues bought a car, it was trouble because we all strove to buy the same car or a bigger one. I had to change my circle for good and this change started in March 2017.”

In self development November 13, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

“MALE DJ’S TREAT ME BADLY JUST BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN” – DJ LAMBO

MI Abaga’s personal DJ; Olawunmi Okerayi, popularly called DJ Lambo, coming into the music industry came with alot of challenges.

In an interview with Moet Abebe of Soundcity TV Lambo explains how she almost gave up when she just started as a result of the rejections she got.

However, with time, she made her mark and proved that she was there to stay.

DJ Lambo explained that her acceptance and recognition in the field wasn’t by mere chance. She said she was treated badly by some male DJs because she was female.

According to her ;

“I had people around me who support me and encourage me to do better but not everyone is going to treat me like that. I’ve had guys in this industry, other male DJs, treat me terribly, treat me like I didn’t know what I was doing just because I am a female. But most importantly, it has to be your spirit, you have to be so strong.”

Irrespective of this, DJ Lambo says she keeps moving and still breaks boundaries as a female DJ.

“It’s not being easy but I don’t take No for an answer. I call myself a shark. That’s what I am. I keep moving. I’m just going to keep moving ruthlessly forward.”

In 2015, she was listed on ‘top 5 Nigerian DJ’s to watch out for’ by the Nigerian Entertainment Today newspaper.

In 2016, she won “DJ of the Year (Female)” at the 2016 City People Entertainment Awards.

In 2017, DJ Lambo was among the few DJs selected to play at Big Brother Nigeria Saturday’s party at season 2 of the Big Brother Naija reality game show.

On 14 June 2017, she was announced as the head and president of Choc Boi Nation (CBN), an imprint under Chocolate City Music, a Nigerian record label regarded the biggest and most successful indigenous urban record labels in Africa.

The announcement made her one of the major and female record label executives in the music industry in Nigeria, a role she describes as a “huge responsibility. It’s like I have kids now. Its scary and exciting at the same time.”

DJ Lambo says she’s working on a project to empower girls and make them believe that they can achieve whatever their dreams are.

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