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In Career Gems January 9, 2023 By Women of Rubies

‘A Client Once Slapped Me For Making A Mistake’- Henrietta Ogochukwu Mark

Henrietta Ogochukwu Mark is the brain behind Lagos-based Henrimac Cakes. In this interview with TOBI AWODIPE, she shares experience-based ideas on the art of cake making, the opportunities and challenges, how to start and excel at running a cake-making business, thriving during pandemic among other issues.

How would you describe the business of cake making?

TRUTH be told, it is a hectic but fulfilling one because, this is a business that you might have just N1000 in your account one moment and the next moment, someone calls to order a wedding cake worth N150, 000 or more. This is the benefit of having a skill; you will never go hungry. This has happened to me several times, helping me take care of financial responsibilities and more.

Abroad, you have ‘Cake Tasting’, why don’t we offer such services here?

I used to do this before, but it was thoroughly and badly abused by our people and I was compelled to stop. Some people want to come and taste all the cakes in the bakery first before talking about price, whereas in the western world you referred to, there is a paid appointment, which covers the cake tasting, except, of course, you already know what you want then you just have the usual appointment where you discuss what you want for your wedding cake.

They conclude price and go on to choose flavour, it is not even to taste. Do you see the difference?

There are clients here who would insist that they must taste your cake first before they order from you.

They don’t do like that over there; you can’t just walk into someone’s shop and demand to taste her cakes. Of course, if you have made payment into my account and you want to have a taste of my cake, you’re entitled to come and have a taste; I know you mean business then.

Some people, it is after eating that they will now start pricing the cake even after I have wasted precious time and resources on them. I don’t do that but if you have made the payment, there is room for that, it is included in your payment and you can always choose flavours.

What kind of cakes do you enjoy creating more?

In this industry, we have different styles and methods; there are some people that add pastries and cookies to their cake. This is great, but I mostly stick to wedding and birthday cakes; I don’t do cookies and pastries for now. Well, they say, ‘Never say never,’ but for now, I want to focus on cakes and now, I have developed over 15 cake varieties I offer clients.

Are multiple smaller cakes more cost-effective than a single big one?

I think it depends on the client. With the present downturn in the economy and further worsened by COVID-19, with no parties or weddings, I had to improvise and explore other options. Before now, I didn’t do smaller cakes, but now, customers tell me they don’t want big cakes but small ones, so I had to start it. Smaller cakes are not really cost-effective, but I understand we are all trying to balance with the current situation in the world.

How do you source clients in these tough times?

Mostly from referrals, they call me up. Sometimes, they say they attended a party where they ate a cake I made and want me to make one for them. Instagram has also been very helpful in sourcing clients. People also tell me they referred their loved ones and friends to me and I am thankful. In all, it is the grace of God that has been helping me.

What stands you out in this business?

For me, it is not just about designs; it is about the cake inside. But at the same time, if you have seen my work, if it is not neat, then it is not from me. I have someone who sent me a message; she told me she went to a party and the celebrant who is also a mutual friend, had various cakes but she identified my cake out of the several on the table. It felt very good to hear that because a neat cake is my trademark. I believe that the eyes eat first before the mouth and more importantly I want people to eat the cake and come back for more. No matter how small or how big it is, it has to be neat. No matter how beautiful, intricate a design is, if it is not neat, the beauty reduces.

If a simple design is done on a cake, even if you put a small flower there, the beauty pops out. However, it is not all about the design, the taste is also very important. A lot of people these days are more concerned with design rather than the actual taste but no matter how beautiful it is, if the taste is not so great, people will not come back for more.

Are you training other women to take up this skill?

Right now, I don’t, but I have a blog, Cake It With Henrietta, which I started in order to help upcomers. Not all of us are blessed with money or funds and I know what it means to start with nothing. Even when I started the blog, I know the kind of negative criticism I encountered because no one was doing what I was doing. I was giving out free recipes; everyone was busy hoarding recipes. My critics said I was giving away for free what people should be paying for, but I was unperturbed and told them that it was my way of giving back to others that really needed it. I have been down that road before, being unable to pay for expensive training classes and all and I had to resort to watching Food Network before I got a hang of it.

What would you say has been the lowest point for you?

In my early years, a client slapped me after I made an error. I put the wrong temperature on the oven so the cake was not properly baked inside. I delivered it, they did not eat it immediately; I think the next day or so. When they finally cut it, it was smelling; it was for her child’s birthday. That experience made me stop baking for six months. They almost beat me up thoroughly and I cried for one week straight.

My husband consoled me, reminding me that I was still new in the business and mistakes are bound to happen. He encouraged me to continue baking, that practice makes perfect. I refused, saying I didn’t want to touch my oven anymore and would try my hands on something else, but my husband countered my decision, advising me that I was perfect at my craft. He pointed out that he noticed I was always happy whenever I was baking. He encouraged me to go to baking classes to learn more rather than just via the Internet.

For those six months, I worked on being better and I got better indeed. That was four years ago and now, I have my own recipes and teach interested individuals via my blog. Also you know our work is all about recipes; it is not like tailoring where a person has to cut a pattern. Our work is quite straightforward, what you need is recipe, once it is written down; you give it to staff to implement.

Speaking of staff, once they stay with you for a month, they assume they know it all; steal the recipes and disappear, believing they have gotten your recipes not knowing that more will come. If you think you have taken what I’m using to excel in my business, God will surely raise another medium. It is not just about having the recipes; do you know all the intricacies involved in baking?

It really amuses me when they play these pranks, thinking they’re smart. I’ve also had an issue in the past whereby someone called my staff and was telling him to send my recipes, but unfortunately for the person, my other girl was around.

The staff was asking which of the recipes the person needed if you can imagine. I usually have hem sign a non-disclosure agreement, but even at that, how will you know what they do behind your back? Even when they sign, I can’t tell what they do after work; I can’t be going through their phones to know whether they sent someone recipes or not.

There is no way you can prevent people from stealing from you in this work, it is difficult. For now, I don’t know how to control it; it is really a very difficult situation.

How do you get your inspiration?

My inspiration comes from the personality of the client. I had issues when I made red velvet cake for a customer, she always ordered vanilla cake and she has been a loyal customer for years. I thought she didn’t know that we do red velvet and chocolate and decided to surprise her.

She booked her cake and I said let me do something different for her. So, when I made the red velvet cake, she called me and was screaming, ‘what is this occultic red cake?’ I had to apologise and she asked why I didn’t make the white cake (vanilla cake) she always liked.

So, for me, if I’m working on your cake, it has to be what you like; I’m meant to serve you and not myself. I will just add a little of me there but it has to be what the client wants because what I like might not be what the client wants. It’s not really about me, I can put little of myself but it is what you want.

What significant challenges are you experiencing that are setting you back?

The prices of the items we use are now double of what was obtainable before and I don’t think most people understand that we have to increase the prices because basically everybody is trying to make ends meet business-wise.

A bag of sugar was N10, 800 before, but now it’s N26, 000. Flour that sold for 9800 is now almost N18, 000; butter was also N9800 before but it’s now over N15, 000. At times, they would even tell you it’s not available. The increase in prices is a major challenge for us; I try to communicate with clients to see that ingredients have increased, but most of us still have to do the old prices to stay afloat. If you’re not baking, another person is baking. The price of items is the number one challenge.

Number two is poor electricity and the little gain we get goes to diesel. I have to use diesel because of the fridge, oven and other machines. The little gain we see, we use it to buy fuel and diesel. We are basically working for the government. We still pay tax despite all these hardships. I think everyone is just working to stay afloat, even if N500 is the gain, we will manage it like that.

How has cake baking evolved over the years?

Sometime last year, the baker that made my wedding cake called to tell me that she wants to learn from me. Cake is like fashion; every day, new techniques emerge. A decade or two ago, baking was seen as a skill for less privileged people, but things have changed now. In this axis, we have over 100 bakers. I think the country has also changed our views on skill acquisition because when you carry your certificate from Ajegunle to VI for months, you have to sit down and think of what you can do to feed.

Now, you even have graduates mixing cream, so it’s not just in baking. I know someone that, apart from baking, she goes to work, comes back to bake, trying to do both things. Everybody is trying to do many things at the same time. Some people are now doing ready-to-wear, small chops, food and so on. The economy forced many of us into getting a skill to survive.

What is your advice for women who want to go down this path?

When I first started out in life, I was a jack-of-all-trades. I also learnt how to be a milliner because I tried to add extra to the business; I wanted to do everything at once. Don’t try to be a jack-of-all-trades, focus on your strength.

In this industry, you can be good at baking; you can be good at creating sugar crafts used to cover cakes. Don’t allow social media pressure to distract you. Focus! What are you good at? Focus on that and let people know. For instance, if you go to my Instagram page, it’s clear I’m good at baking because I always show the inside of my cake. Focus on what you excel in and make a business out of that.

Source: Guardian

In Career Gems January 9, 2023 By Women of Rubies

6 Simple Ways To Improve Your Sitting Posture At Your Work Desk

If there is one thing this generation suffers from, it is poor posture. Take a look around you and observe keenly the people around your environment. You would see people with poor sitting, standing and walking postures.

In your work place, you would have noticed people hunched over their seats, with their backs bent.

You’re probably currently sitting at your desk reading this, blissfully unaware of your posture right now—and that’s perfectly normal. It can be difficult to always be mindful of your posture, especially during a hectic workday through hours of Zoom meetings and conference calls.

Your posture is a very important indicator of your overall health, as it supports blood flow, improves your mood, increases your confidence, and strengthens your other muscles and joints. Practicing better posture while at your desk at work or at home, even in the smallest ways, is a great way to be mindful of your health on a daily basis.

Here are a few quick ways you can improve your posture as you go along your workday.

1. Switch up your seating

Your seating can make or break your posture—literally. Seating with little to no back support, worn-out chairs, and working from your couch or bed could wear on your body over time, straining your shoulders, spine, and lower back.

If your desk chair doesn’t have the support you need to sit comfortably and in an upright position for an hour or two at a time, you may need to switch up your seating.

A good, ergonomic chair for your workspace will have lumbar support to help the middle of your back, where most of the tension goes when you’re hunched over your desk. You also want to pick a chair that keeps your body at a neutral, upright position with an adequate seat height that keeps your arms and legs leveled and a backrest that isn’t too firm or too soft.

If you’re now working from home, make sure to be mindful of where and how you’re sitting. Set up your own workspace with a desk and chair that supports your back and shoulders and promotes better posture over time.

As much as you can, avoid working from your bed. Your spine will thank you.

2. Take frequent stretch breaks

It’s easy to get wrapped up in your workday and forget to move, so set an alert on your work calendar or on your phone as a regular reminder to take a break and switch up your posture by taking a walk, standing briefly in between meetings, stretching, or getting a quick exercise in.

Spending hours upon hours every day in a seated position where your back is either slouched or hunched over is detrimental to your posture. Many health professionals have declared that sitting has now become the new smoking, a popular myth that compares the negative chronic health effects of both, such as weight gain and diabetes.

Prolonged sitting can have long-lasting effects on not only your back but also on your overall health.

Make it a priority to get up and move around on a regular basis throughout your workday to give your body some relief from sitting and staring at a screen all day. Put yourself on a daily schedule to get some time away from the desk so you can give your back a break from sitting in an upright position, putting more pressure on your spine.

3. Exercise for better posture

When we exercise, we often forget to exercise for better posture, especially as working from home becomes more prevalent. Your posture is key to better overall health, and taking time to focus on it during your workday can help prevent lifelong body issues.

Exercising throughout the workday for better posture can be as simple as standing upright for an hour or two at a time at your desk, stretching and rotating your neck to relieve some of the tension from hours of working, or getting a good back bend at the waist to loosen up that lower back.

Give yourself a few small breaks during the workday to work out those kinks in your shoulders, neck, and back from sitting too long, and focus on exercises specifically for those areas.

4. Keep your workspace eye level

Hunching over your desk to look at your laptop or to type is one of the key indicators of poor posture. If your laptop or desktop computer isn’t eye level, it makes it easy to slouch and get stuck working that way for hours.

Do an overall assessment of your workspace, including your laptop, your monitor, your desk, and your computer accessories like your keyboard and mouse to make sure they are level to your eyesight and body to ensure that you’re not straining your neck, shoulders, and back to use your devices.

Your workspace should be at a comfortable level but upright enough where your posture isn’t compromised. Switch up the positioning of your workspace so that it’s easier to sit upright while still being effective throughout the day. If you work remotely or from home, find a better place to set up your workspace like on a high bar-style countertop where you can easily sit in an upright position, or even stand and work for a change of pace.

5. Be intentions about your sitting posture

Taking the time to connect with your body every so often throughout the day to see how it feels can seem like another item for your to-do list, but your back will definitely thank you for it!

Practice being mindful of your posture throughout the workday by setting frequent reminders on your phone to check in with your body.

Use this mindfulness to be more aware of your posture on a daily basis and when you place the most tension on your back. Do you find that your posture suffers during long Zoom meetings? Are you sitting for more than two to three hours at a time in the mornings or afternoons? Take note daily of all of your workspace habits and how it impacts your posture and your overall body. This will help you anticipate and be more mindful of your posture during the most stressful times of your day and prepare to change it up.

6. Keep your feet flat on the floor

Your feet and their position while at your desk play a crucial role in your overall posture while sitting. If your feet are crossed or elevated, that could compromise your posture, as your weight is primarily on one leg or your back is taking the brunt of it.

When your feet are flat on the floor and properly leveled, the weight of your body is evenly distributed across your hips. Keeping your feet flat on the floor also makes you more mindful of the overall stance of your body, as it unconsciously makes you straighten up.

Practice keeping your feet fully on the floor for longer periods of time instead of elevating them using a footrest or crossing your legs at the knees underneath your desk. Planting your feet on the ground will help you be more aware of your posture and if you’re slouched or hunched over your desk.

Your posture is a key indicator of your body’s health during your workday. Don’t ignore any signs of back or shoulder pain; make it a point to take care of yourself while working, starting with your posture

Which of these tips do you find helpful?
Which of these tips would you start practicing today?

What other useful tip would you like to add? Please share with us in the comment box below.

In Editor's Choice January 2, 2023 By Women of Rubies

Ebony Oshunrinde: The Highly Sought-After Canadian Record Producer And Songwriter

Ebony Oshunrinde (born December 28, 1996), professionally known as WondaGurl, is a Canadian record producer, songwriter and record executive. WondaGurl has worked with the likes of Mariah Carey, Travis Scott, Jay-Z, Drake and Kanye West.

At 26 years old, Canadian producer Ebony Oshunrinde — better known as WondaGurl — has built a career most music-business veterans twice her age would envy.

Early Life

WondaGurl started producing on her keyboard with drum pads at age 9. At age 15, she entered the 2011 and 2012 Battle of The Beat Makers competition in Toronto, Ontario, where Canadian record producer Boi-1da was present as one of the guest judges at both years.

She won first place in the latter year, earning herself a trophy and a Roland SH-01 Gaia synthesizer.

Ebony Oshunrinde’s Big Break

She got her first major credit, on Jay-Z’s Magna Carta Holy Grail, when she was still in her teens, and she has since produced more than 100 tracks for Travis Scott, Drake, Lil Uzi Vert, Rihanna, and other top acts. Her credits include multi-platinum hits including Scott’s “Antidote” and Rihanna’s “Bitch Better Have My Money.”

WondaGurl became a protégé of Boi-1da shortly after the competition, and around 2013, started to closely work with American rapper Travis Scott at 16 years old, whom she also signed to years later.

This led to her working with other major artists and producers since then, producing her first Top 40 hit single “Antidote” by Travis Scott in 2015, which was co-produced by Canadian record producer Eestbound.

Recognition

In 2018, she was featured in the Music category of Forbes 30 Under 30. She is one of the youngest women to add production to a platinum-selling hip hop album.

In July 2020, WondaGurl signed a worldwide publishing deal with Travis Scott’s Cactus Jack Publishing and Sony/ATV Music Publishing, in conjunction with her own record label and publishing company, Wonderchild Music.

At the Juno Awards of 2021, WondaGurl won the Jack Richardson Producer of the Year Award for her work on the songs “Aim for the Moon” (Pop Smoke feat. Quavo) and “Gang Gang” (JackBoys and Sheck Wes).

She was both the first Black Canadian woman to win the award, and the first woman ever to win as a producer for other artists rather than as an artist self-producing her own work.

WondaGurl is naturally shy, and her aversion o the spotlight made it difficult, early on, to adjust to being one of the most sought-after beatmakers in the business.

Breaking Boundaries

She is currently one of the few women regularly getting A-list production work in any genre; female producers in music account for less than three percent of production credits on the 900 most popular songs of the past nine years, according to a recent study. Yet she’s never let herself be discouraged.

“I want to make girls feel like they could do this,” she says. “I know a lot want to.” She told Rolling Stone Magazine in a recent interview.

In lifestyle January 5, 2023 By Women of Rubies

5 Reasons Why Female Friendships Are Important For Women’s Well-Being

A close-knit group of trusted friends is important for everyone’s well-being, but women in particular can benefit from their female friendships.

Here’s five benefits of female friendships, and why it’s so important to maintain and nurture them

Most of us have been dumped, experienced pain or loss, or faced conflict in our lives. As humans, we tend to go through highs and lows and these experiences can be a little easier when we have girlfriends to support us.

The truth is – having female friends is incredibly important for your mental health.

1. Female friends can understand you in ways that men may not

Although we are biologically alike, there are differences in the way different sexes can engage and react with situations. Without generalising too much, women tend to have nurturing, mothering qualities which can be empathetic and understanding when you need it the most.

So, when you vent about work or your in-laws, another woman can be more empathetic, validate your reasoning and draw on their own personal experiences to relate back to you.

A pattern I’ve seen in certain people who enter relationships is the isolation process that takes place after. They start spending all of their time with their significant other, coming to them for every type of support and slowly start fading away from their platonic relationships.

Your girlfriends understand you in a way that your man doesn’t.

Having an intimate connection with your significant other is great and expected in any healthy relationship. However, when it comes to vulnerability, it is never fair to confide in only one person.

When you are only confiding in one person for every single thing, you are inadvertently putting a heavy amount of pressure on that person. What you’re essentially doing is turning that person into an “emotional dumpster” so to speak.

And to put it simply, there are going to be times where your guy just can’t relate.

There are going to be times where your man is not going to be able to give you the comfort or support you need, and he really should not need to.

Your girlfriends understand you in a way that your man doesn’t.

The saying goes that “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” and there’s a lot of psychological truth to that. Even though men and women may complement each other, such friendships with our girlfriends are an outlet to “share problems, thoughts, feelings, and triumphs”.

By nature, women are more intuitive as well. Those things that come up that your guy thinks you are “overthinking” or being “crazy” about, your girls will be there to acknowledge your feelings and back with reasoning.

Confiding with your girlfriends gives you an entirely different level of emotional support.

2. Female friends can offer you a fresh perspective

Although women have the love and support of our partners, a female friend can offer you a different perspective in times of need.

For relationships, a female friend can act as an outsider looking in, giving honest advice that we may not always want to hear, but provides a different perspective that can positively influence our decisions.

Female friends can also be great for your self-esteem. A good female friend won’t fat-shame you or let you fat-shame yourself, they will tell you why you deserve that promotion or why your partner should treat you better.

After walking away from a conversation with a good female friend you should feel confident and supported.

3. Female friends can be a voice of honesty

Even if the honesty can come across as brutal, at least you know that you’re getting the absolute truth.

Female friends can be your sounding board, someone who will listen to your ideas, thoughts and opinions and then tell you what they honestly think. Recent research suggests that our female friends know us better than our partners. They therefore know when you need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or a night out dancing and drinking cocktails!

4. Female friends get better with age

Good quality girlfriends are like fine red wines: they get better with age. Recent research actually tells us that the average female friendship lasts 16 years, which is 6 years longer than the average romantic relationship. Once we turn 55, our friendships on average last 23 years! Female friends can challenge us to try new things, act as mentors in our career and push us to excel in all areas of life.

5. Female friendships can help us deal with stress.

Women and men biologically have differing responses to stress. Women who are stressed respond with a reaction called ‘tend and befriend’, which means they tend to nurture those around them and reach out to others, often other women.

Research has even shown that women have higher survival rates from breast cancer when they have strong friendships than those in social isolation.

So…

Contrary to popular opinions on how women are their worst enemies, a lot of women have agreed and acknowledged the positive impact and pleasant vibes female friendships has offered to them. And from this article, it is clear how much benefits female friendships have to offer.

Get past the notion of women not being able to befriend each other, get past that idea of women being there wist enemies and open your eyes to a new horizon. See that women are not just capable of bonding and being friends, women are truly meant to be friends with each other.

In Career Gems January 5, 2023 By Women of Rubies

6 Important Things Successful Women Should Always Invest In

All successful women seem to share a particular innate quality. They all carry themselves with a kind of confidence that matches with their level of success.

They all know there is a need to invest in certain not-so-secret things and they also show that acquiring and attaining these characteristics won’t buy you success. But it will give you the confidence to be the woman you dream to be and show you that it’s not someone you need to transform into, but someone you’ve been all along.

So here is how you can become the best version of yourself as a woman by investing in these 6 things.

1. Education

Sheryl Sandberg has openly admitted that one piece of advice she would tell her twenty-year-old self would be to create an 18-month learning plan.

Alongside your goals, you need to plan out exactly what you want to learn over that period and improve on the things that scare you the most. Because the successful woman knows that in order to succeed she needs to commit herself to education.

More importantly, she knows that it doesn’t finish when University does – the process of learning does not stop there. It’s up to you to further your education and build your knowledge. It’s a choice and it’s a choice you should make for yourself every day.

Your day should consist of at least one hour of personal development. And this can be as easy as signing up to coursera and learning a new skill in an hour.

2. The tools you need to get things done – such as a personal computer, a tablet, a journal.

Oprah famously keeps many journals to get her through, she keeps a health and wellness journal to track her growth so she can look back on it and reflect.

But it’s not only her, no successful career woman can get through any day without her planner. It’s her right-hand man and it goes wherever she does.

A journal helps you keep tab of things and a planner helps you note down things you need to do at particular times. And no, it’s not just about keeping up with a to-do list. You need one for every area, finance, fitness, business plans.

3. Your wellbeing

Gwyneth Paltrow is a huge wellness advocate and has even built a brand around it – and there’s no wonder she looks so good. But it’s not only her on that’s on a wellness mission, Arianna Huffington also boasts that yoga is the best thing she can do to achieve and maintain balance in her life.

Because if you look after your body, in turn, it will look after you. It’s your wellbeing that will help you become successful, it goes hand in hand! Without it, you’ll struggle, but with it, you’ll be bigger and better.

This concerns your health, what you eat and put into your body (make sure to only eat for energy) and how you switch off at the end of the day.

4. Mindfulness

If you want to become successful you have to start taking mindfulness seriously.

Take a leaf from Victoria Beckham who uses crystals to keep her grounded, or Gwyneth Paltrow who is very holistic. It’s about clarity and keeping your mind clear.

By doing this you’ll be ensuring that you’re well looked after and calm of mind, which will help you not only to perform better at work but be more present daily.

5. Your self-development

Growth should be one of your top goals always. And it’s something you need to always remind yourself to do.

What makes you different from six months ago? If you reply with nothing then it means you’re not progressing.
Finding the time can be difficult, but that’s where you need to make the time because it will only help you in your career.

Read and buy books you usually wouldn’t, expand your horizons, attend those classes you never get around to – just do it.

Make a list of the areas of your life you want to progress in and then come up with a plan that will help make this happen.

6. Proper Organization

I could talk about organization for days. It’s something that excites me and helps me operate at my best. I cannot think clearly if it is not tidy around me, which means it’s essential that not only my work life is organized by my home life too.

Emma Watson, for example, said she swears by multiple notebooks to get things done. “I keep a dream diary, I keep a yoga diary, I keep diaries on people that I’ve met and things that they’ve said to me, advice that they’ve given me,” she revealed.

Keeping multiple notebooks is no bad thing, it’ll allow you to organize your thoughts and keep everything in the right place. Invest in stationery that’s designed to help your life run smoother.

In lifestyle January 5, 2023 By Women of Rubies

Olamide Ayeni: 5 Tips On How To Deal With A Depressed Partner

Living with a depressed partner who is often unhappy, critical and negative isn’t easy, and it may also be hard to persuade the individual to get help. Depression can put a strain between you and your partner if it’s not handled properly.

Tips on how to cope with a depressed partner [Atinka Online]

Depression varies tremendously in severity, but it has many behavioral impacts that can profoundly affect all significant relationships. Many factors can contribute to one’s depression, most especially when he is in a low place in his life.

Depression results from shifts in brain chemistry that influence mood, thoughts, sex drive, sleep, appetite, and energy levels. All factors that could affect a marriage, as well as disrupt home and family life.

So what do you do when your partner or husband won’t talk to you but grumble, complain and mope around the house? Here’s how to deal with a depressed partner.

1. Find the root of the problem

You have to know what the problem is to solve it [How Africa]

This is the first step to solving the problem. You have to know what the problem is to solve it. Is it the person’s job? Earnings? Or even you and the family? A problem shared is a problem solved. And in a case where he doesn’t talk, do some digging, but not snooping and getting into the partner’s business. Just gather enough information that would help in solving the problem.

2. Identify what you each can handle and stick to it

Supporting a significant other through a hard time is always going to be stressful. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it, but it can be a danger to your well-being. You can’t help your partner if you’re too overwhelmed to function. When you’re helping your partner, be sure to give yourself some clear boundaries on what you can and cannot offer them. Getting a therapist for your partner is advised.

3. Seek help together

Support goes a long way in helping your spouse. Seek help together, whether it is a counselor you see or a professional therapist, a spiritual counselor or help from family members. You need to be by your partner’s side so the individual doesn’t go through the journey alone.

4. Demonstrate your love

Telling and showing your partner that you love them helps them [Pulse Nigeria]

Depression can make a person feel like a burden and unworthy of love and support. Proactively counteract those thoughts by telling and showing your partner that you love them. Let them know that you understand that depression is affecting their thoughts, feelings, and behavior and that you (still) love them. Reassure them that you are here to support them in their journey to get better.

5. Do family activities together

You can take him and the kids out, do something fun as you used to you when dating. Getting him distracted will help the recuperation process. He needs to feel needed and useful again, to know that there are people counting on him. You are the one who can best help your husband because you know him best.

In Inspiration January 3, 2023 By Women of Rubies

Meet Nelly Cheboi, The Kenyan Tech Founder And CNN Hero Of The Year

Nelly Cheboi, Kenyan Tech founder was named CNN Hero of the Year in 2022 for her work in building computer labs for Kenyan school children, through her non-profit organization, TechLit Africa.

Nelly Cheboi- The Hero

Nelly is a global hero who was recognized and awarded the honor of CNN hero 2022 after her creative thought and effort to make Kenya technologically advanced. Nelly grew up in a poor and poverty-stricken household in rural Kenya and had to go through several rough patches to attain the position she is in right now.

Looking at the condition of people living in her country, she dreamed of doing something good for the community. As she completed her studies in computer engineering as a scholarship student, she started volunteering in several events along with working in the software industry.

Taking The Bold Step

In 2019, Nelly quit her job to establish computer labs for Kenyan school children. Helping the student have good technical knowledge inspired her to develop computer labs for them. To complete her mission, she established TechLit Africa, which helped school children in Kenya by giving them old computers to make the children’s future even brighter.

Acknowledging this great initiative of Nelly, she was picked as the winner of CNN Hero 2022 in the 16th Annual CNN Heroes show, telecasted on December 11 and hosted by Anderson Cooper and Kelly Ripa. She was voted through online voting and picked as the ultimate winner

Nelly Cheboi net worth will show a tremendous rise of $500,000 after she receives the prize money as CNN Hero 2022.

Childhood Influence

Nelly worked through put her childhood to be a software engineer. She went through a lot of trouble and sleepless nights to get the scholarship and study further. However, after becoming a software engineer, she started her good deeds by establishing community computer labs for Kenyan children with her earned fortune and salary.

Funding

She started her project with her won funding and slowly started getting help from the NGOs and INGOs. The social activist started her educational mission in 2019 and gradually gathered thousands of people to support her initiation. Successfully in 2022, she won the title of CNN Hero 2022 and was awarded an unrestricted grant of $300,000 and supportive services valued at $200,000. Along with it, all the Top 10 candidates also received $10,000. On top of all the amount, this year, Nelly was honored with an additional $100,000 for her life-changing work.

Nelly Cheboi’s Co-founder Husband

Nelly Cheboi is a passionate woman with great vision, married to her husband, Tyler Cinnamon.

Nelly started her life-changing work at a young age and was always supported by her friends and family. Nelly’s husband is her most incredible support system and backbone; he always motivates her to continue her selfless work and joins hands with her. Despite having cultural differences, the couple came out strong and got married.

Tyler is also a software engineer and is the co-founder of the non-profit organization established by Nelly called TecLit Africa. The couple has not revealed much about their relationship but is seen frequently by one another in their Instagram feed and stories. They are yet to start their family. However, they are leading a happy married life together.

Nelly Cheboi Parents and Family

Nelly Cheboi comes from a rural Kenya family where her parents raised her and her siblings.

Nelly was born to her mother, Mama Mboga, and was among the three daughters of her family. She came from a poor family background and had seen her mother struggle to raise them. As Nelly grew up in poverty, she knew she had to achieve something to give her family a better life.

Nelly Cheboi and mother — Nelly Cheboi and her mother

She worked hard and completed her studies with a scholarship. So, to get the young children out of poverty, she was inspired by her family to start the initiation of helping everyone.

In Career Gems January 2, 2023 By Women of Rubies

How To Leave a Toxic Relationship

Learning how to leave a toxic relationship is never as easy as saying, “Hit the road, Jack!” – especially not when you are in love with your partner.

If you’ve been in a toxic relationship, you know exactly how emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting they can be. But if a toxic relationship is so taxing, why is it so hard to leave?

In this article, you will find out why it’s difficult to leave a toxic relationship and how to leave a toxic relationship for good.

How to Know if You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Sometimes it’s hard to know whether you are in a toxic relationship or not. It is often because of the manipulation involved in partner -toxicity.

Another reason why it may be difficult to admit that you’re in a toxic relationship is that there isn’t any outward abuse. Your partner may not hit you or cross any obvious sexual boundaries,^[1] but that doesn’t mean you’re in a healthy relationship.

Making a pro/con list can be a helpful first step when learning how to leave a toxic relationship.

Pros might be that your spouse makes you laugh, you enjoy the same hobbies, and you love them.

But, what are the cons of being in your current circumstances?

When you make out this list, it’s important, to be honest with yourself. Does your partner do any of the following?

Doesn’t give you privacy
Cut you off from friends/family/finances
Prevents you from attending school or work
Is controlling and jealous
Makes all the decisions in your relationship
Pressures you into things you aren’t comfortable with
Makes “jokes” or criticizes you
Is unfaithful
Talks down to you
Destroys property
Sends threatening text messages
Invades your privacy (checks your phone/social media/follows you)
Threatens to do something horrible if you leave the relationship
Gaslights/acts like the things they are doing are not a big deal

If these toxic behaviors remind you of your spouse, this may be the wake-up call you need to take action and get out of your dangerous relationship.

Why Do People Remain in Toxic Relationships?

One of the main culprits is oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone in your body that releases during moments of intimacy. This could include making love, holding hands, kissing, or even cuddling with someone.

When oxytocin is released, it causes you to be more trusting of your partner, even when trust is not warranted. This sneaky little hormone is also guilty of promoting bonding, which can make it feel impossible to leave your spouse, even when you know they aren’t good for you.

In addition to the effect of oxytocin, here’re 5 more things that make leaving a toxic relationship difficult:

1. Abuse Weakens You Emotionally

Emotional abuse can be devastating to everyone, leaving the individual weak without self-esteem, making starting afresh a difficult decision to make.

2. It Can Be Life-Threatening

Leaving a toxic relationship can be dangerous, leading to all sorts of consequences, even death. Research shows that a toxic partner kills a larger percentage of women in weeks after leaving a toxic relationship than when they remain in the relationship.

3. The “It Will Stop Mindset’

Society has ingrained in us a “don’t give up on anything” mindset in which people follow even when they recognize it might result in something catastrophic. That mindset is also followed by having the thought that the abuse will stop eventually.

4. Social Pressure

There is always that social pressure from friends, family members, etc., to want a relationship – this pressure only makes the situation worse.

5. Social Reaction

People often don’t want to admit to anyone that they are going through a hard time, which cuts across relationships. People in toxic relationships don’t want to admit the kind of abuse they are going through because of fear or shame of being blamed or judged.

The Effects of Emotional Abuse in a Toxic Relationship

1. Fear

This is a constant concern or awareness of danger. You start to have trust issues with anyone you find yourself with that building a relationship becomes issue overtime.

2. Shame

You don’t feel free to interact with anyone who knows what you have gone through like Friends, family members, etc., which often can result in loneliness.

3. Confusion

Your mind consistently wonders, and you seem to lose concentration and cant focus on a particular task.

4. Drugs or drinking

Abuse often results in excessive use of drugs and drinking. Thought that it could take away the pain is a delusion.

5. Suicide

When the pain and trauma get too much, it can often result in the party taking their lives.

6. Sleep trouble

You don’t get to enjoy sleep as you are supposed to. Thoughts and anxiety become the order of every moment.

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship

1. Know That You Deserve Better

Months or years of being told that you’ll never find anyone better than your spouse can wear on you, and you may even start to believe it. But this isn’t true.

Tearing down self-esteem and self-worth is what abusers do to keep their victims trapped in the relationship.

Let “I deserve better!” become your daily mantra. Remind yourself of your worth every day.

You’ve tried your hardest to make your relationship work, but sometimes love is not enough, and you need to move on for your own mental and physical wellbeing.

2. Build a Support System

The emotions you go through for a toxic breakup are much the same as going through a breakup of a healthy relationship. You will feel conflicted, lovesick, relieved, depressed, and more.

Leaving a toxic relationship is especially difficult if you have been financially reliant on your ex – but don’t despair!

Instead of focusing on why this will be hard, focus on building a support system you’ll need when you take the plunge. Research shows that friend and family support during trying times lowers psychological distress.

Having a support system around will make it easier for you to move on.

3. Be Firm About Your Decision

Breakups are hard, no matter what the circumstance is. You’re leaving a life that you’ve grown accustomed to, and even if you know the relationship is no longer safe, it still sucks, leaving the life you’ve built for yourself.

There may be times when you are tempted to get back with your partner, but stand firm! You deserve a partner who loves and respects you.

Do not give your ex any false hope of getting back together. Be firm in your decision to leave the relationship and don’t budge.

4. Cut Off Contact

One of the biggest times for how to leave a toxic relationship would be to cut off all contact with your ex once you’ve broken up.

Keeping in contact with your ex opens the door for you to get back together. Plus, seeing your ex across social media will make the memory of the relationship feel fresh in your mind. Here’s what to do when you experience that.

Instead of dwelling in the past, focus on the future, keep yourself motivated. Delete your ex from social media, block them on your phone, and find ways to avoid seeing them in person. These actions will make it clear that you want nothing to do with them.

5. It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken

If you’re at the point of breaking up, you’ve likely tried all of the tricks to get your spouse to change their toxic ways.

Maybe you went to therapy, took a relationship class, or made date nights a priority – but nothing worked.

Your partner is not going to change, and it’s important to remind yourself of this often.

You did everything you could to help them and reason with them, and it didn’t work. Do not expect miracles after a breakup.

Even if an abusive ex changes their ways, it is likely only due to the shock of the breakup. If you got back together, their likelihood of returning to their toxic behaviors is incredibly high.

Learning how to leave a toxic relationship is one thing, but following through with it is an entirely different story. If you are having trouble leaving an abusive or toxic partner, reach out to a trusted friend, family, or call/text/chat with an abusive relationship support line like Day One.

Source: Lifehack

In Career Gems January 2, 2023 By Women of Rubies

How I Got Pregnant, Banned From Singing In Church Choir – Waje

Popular Nigerian singer, Aituaje Iruobe, popularly known as Waje has recounted how she was banned from church after she got pregnant at an early age.

Waje, who is a mother of one, in an Instagram Live chat with gospel rapper, Bouqui, said she loved the father of her child at the time and that sex was the only way she could express her love.

Recounting her experience, the singer said: “I had a relationship in SS3 and the relationship went from ‘puppy love’ to sexual. I felt I loved him and that (sex) was the only way I could express my love.

“I got pregnant and one afternoon, my pastor came to the house to see me. I knew that day, there were two things that would happen, either I died or I died. Everything inside me got drained.

“The Pastor was in a conference room with other pastors and he said to me, ‘If you lie, you will die, because you are standing in front of God, Holy Spirit and me.’

“He asked me, ‘Are you pregnant?’ and I said, ‘Yes’. He was so disappointed and told me to be in church every Wednesday and Sunday but I would no longer sing in the choir.

The award-winning singer further revealed that her mother did not find out about her pregnancy until she was five months gone, adding that she wrote WAEC with it and no one noticed.

“I wrote the WASSCE while pregnant and nobody knew, not even my mother. She got to know about my pregnancy after five months.

“I knew something in her broke that day after I told her because she didn’t go back to sleep,” Waje added.

Waje has a 21-year-old daughter named Emerald Iruobe

In Inspiration December 28, 2022 By Women of Rubies

Lucy Quist, The First Ghanaian Woman To Head A Multinational Telecommunications Company In Ghana

Lucy Quist is the first Ghanaian woman to head a multinational telecommunications company as the former CEO of Airtel Ghana. She is a co-founder of the Executive Women Network.

Lucy served as the Vice President of FIFA’s normalization committee in Ghana.

She is a chartered electrical and electronic engineer with a first-class honours degree from the University of East London.

She is also a member of the Institute of Engineering and Technology (UK) and holds an MBA from INSEAD in France. She has decades of corporate experience with blue chip companies starting at Ford Motor Company, who has held senior leadership positions at Millicom, Vodafone and Airtel.

Her career spans manufacturing, telecommunications, banking and automative industries in Europe and Africa.

Lucy Quist is a passionate advocate who believes in harnessing STEM to advance development around the world by ensuring greater participation of young people.

She is currently a Managing Director at Morgan Stanley and the author of the book, ‘The Bold New Normal: Creating The Africa Where Everyone Prospers.’

Her accolades includes – CIMG Marketing Woman of the year, Telecom CEO of the Year, CSR CEO of the year and the Corporate Leadership Award.

She is an accomplished international speaker and has been on platforms such as TEDxEUSTON, GSMA’s Mobile World Congress, INSEAD, Columbia Business School and McGill University.

In 2016 she was featured on the BBC’s Power Women series as one of the top business women driving transformational change in Africa.

Lucy is passionate about mentoring young people to realize their potential. She loves travelling with her family and reading books that explore different perspectives on life.

She was listed in the second publication of 100 Most Influential African Women in 2020 by Avance Media.

We celebrate this amazing amazon for daring to be different against all odds, and creating room for other women to thrive.