Workplace - Women of Rubies

In self development May 14, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

WHY BEING IGNORED AT WORK IS THE WORST, AND HOW TO DEAL WITH IT

You are offered a nice job position, in a nice communication agency, well located. You feel great.This was supposed to be the biggest announcement of 2019 so far.

First day : everyone is smiling at you, welcoming, but you don’t know how to act, feeling everyone’s look upon you. 15 days later, you’re done. Nobody speaks to you.

My first (and peculiar) reaction : asking Google about that. Because that state of loneliness hit me so hard that something in my head told be to check on the internet if I could share this with other people. I found several psychological/kind of depressing articles, but didn’t find anything appropriate. These were just a bunch of people complaining without giving advices about it.

Being connected to a social circle has never been so important as far as Facebook, Twitter Instagram or Snapchat have (or at least one of them) taken over our lives. (Really ?). But Internet is another problem.

At work, indifference is the greatest contempt

People at work can be even more cruel and can really destroy you for no particular reason. When you’re highly implicated, work hard, do the best you can and all of a sudden you feel so bad because you see people gathering themselves to talk, make private jokes, working (or acting like working) closely together, trust me, it is normal to feel left behind.

Welcome to ostracism. A land where your imagination is tortured everyday. It is not about being sensitive, because sensitivity is different from one person to another. It is strictly about being ignored.

So how can you handle at work ?

Right now, your boss is not talking to you anymore, and you’re one of these scared “millenial” that thinks that work should be a place where you can express yourself, in a blossoming workspace, with some intricate and thrilling frameworks, imagining stories that matters. And you’re not doing any of these things. You’re not fitting to the work spirit of the company, and now, panic-stricken.

All social interactions with your coworkers are slowly going down, to the point of not even saying “hello/goodbye”. It’s going wrong for real. And this ostracism can lead to depression, because feeling useless and hopeless

1 — Stop complaining

Did I mention that I’m French ?
I think it is truly specific to my country. People are complaining every minute in advertising/digital agencies. About clients, about emails, about the amount of work, about the boss… This is clearly annoying. Their time spent complaining could be used doing real-work no ?

So if you’re being ostracized, be strong, and simply face this fact as it is. Being down-to-earth is very useful when facing that kind of situation. It is important to visualise the situation to better go forward and being less stressful.

2 — Dig up your mind

Ok so, now that you have understood the situation, let the anger and worries go and stop trying to make clumsy conclusions or getting ahead of yourself, asking “but why is this happening, what did I do, did I made something wrong, maybe I’m not good enough…” In every overrated advertising agencies, people are mostly the same, so you will face this situation in every one of them. Just sayin’. I’ve been working in agencies for 4 years, and it’s been exactly the same, most of the people are faking work.

“Think outside the box, make things that change things” (and other posh mottos), they said. Agencies are mainly copy and paste. They are baking and re-baking ideas since 1980’s, but with higher prices, using the same Istock / Getty / Shutterstock/ Thinkstock image banks. Using the same reportings with so low Facebook interactions, not even asking themselves what people would like to see when interacting with brands. It is really funny since I’m writing this from my desk, in a nice advertising agency, observing people writing emails, sending Gif or tagging themselves on the last Tasty recipe on Facebook.

If you are feeling alone and like you’re in the spam box, it’s seriously no big deal. You have now time to think about yourself and step back at how different you are, simply by speaking your mind and asserting yourself .

3 — Just do something else with your free time

Now that you are barely transparent, you can do things far more interesting than nothing.
Meaning : “Great ! I’m out of this sham and mockery system.”
Read, take time for yourself, leave your phone, learn something you didn’t know. In a nutshell, be curious.

If you read this, you can now take a deep breath and play down the situation. And if you want more cool, follow me 🙂

By: Jennifer Capestan

In Uncategorized February 12, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

GRACE ORISAKIYA: VOICE CATEGORIZATION IN THE WORKPLACE.

Your voice can be described in different ways, the most common definition is the sound the is being produced when you speak or sing, however, your voice could also be what your opinions are and how you are perceived. It isn’t just the sound but the message embedded in the sound of your voice.

In the corporate world, a career or professional voice may be described as how this message being conveyed in the sound of your voice can be of benefit to its owner.

This article will therefore highlight what you need to know about your professional voice and it’s applications.

The professional voice

Finding a professional voice is the first step in categorising your voice for the workplace. It provides you with the ability to have your personal voice which you use in informal meetings, gatherings or places and still be able to switch to your business or professional voice when necessary. (This improves your social and professional identity). The importance of having a professional voice is that it makes you credible, authentic, organized and it gets you coordinated for a presentation, job interview, business meeting, as well as impromptu meetings. It could be developed by using appropriate words or sentences, having a stable and comfortable pitch or speaking with a comfortable pace. Developing a Professional Voice will improve your ability to engage, connect & persuade when communicating to internal & external audiences. The Professional Voice gives you the confidence, techniques & skills to deliver your message effectively & achieve results. Based on my experience and research in social identity complexity (as related to the work place especially when an individual has various roles) one of the ways to categorize your identity is to develop these professional voices;

The unapologetic voice

The unapologetic voice enables you stand your ground against all odds in a meaningful yet respectful manner. The unapologetic voice make you voice out your values and beliefs in order to set boundaries. Finding this voice gives you confidence in your beliefs and helps you communicate in effectively. This does not mean you have to be rude, it is just being able to know what your values are, what you can and can’t do and being able to say it out and not keep it within you because if you do, you will be able to tolerate anything which may not be healthy.

The appealing voice

When it comes to finding the right tone to ask for a favour, we may all seem to have it but have you ever thought of that tone being misleading? The best way to go about it is by being straightforward about what favour you need and also concentrate on asking for the favour with more percentage of your voice rather than your body language. So, how is that done? With a softer tone and pleasant words (please, can you, I will be grateful, thank you, I’d really appreciate if you could.. ) these words help in conveying a direct message.

The approachable voice

Many people struggle to maintain a good first impression but what about a lasting impression? Your approachable voice should make others feel comfortable to have a discussion with you without having to think of how they might need to please you first. Using words like Hello, it is a pleasure meeting you, how may I help you, lastly, having your concentration on the person you are communicating with and not being distracted by your PHONE.

Leadership voice:

As a leader, your major goal will be to get your followers to work together to achieve a common goal. Over the years, leaders have adopted various styles that can enable them achieve this fundamental goal. These leadership styles therefore can be seen as either an active voice or a passive voice.

Active voice: participating and coaching style is when a leader is actively engaging in the duties of the team either by joining in working with the team or helping the followers overcome the obstacles and challenges they are faced with by coaching them.

Passive voice: directing and delegating style. This style involves the leader assigning duties to each of the team members. Usually, leaders start by being actively involved in the teamwork and when the leader feels they are ready to work on their own, the passive voice is used to direct and delegate.

Remember, your voice is most effect when the message in the sound of your voice is unambiguous, clear and concise.

About Grace

Grace Asemota is a Business Psychologist (M.Sc) and a Certified Life Coach. She has partnered with Organizations and solopreneurs to grow their personal and professional brands and has coached students and staff in different institutions and organisations.

She continuously coaches and trains on the importance of goal setting, happiness, team management, personal development and self- confidence in a wide range of organisations (in Nigeria, UAE and US) and institutions by motivating staff to develop a collaborative culture and identify key factors that can enhance personal growth.

You can get in touch with her on

grace.orisakiya@gmail.com

LinkedIn @Grace Asemota-Orisakiya

In tolaspeaks February 14, 2017 By Editor

#TOLASPEAKS : SO WHAT’S WRONG WITH CORPORATE CUPID?

Its February , and love is likely to be in the air – seeing that we spend the most part of our day with colleagues within our organisation, chances are that falling in love in or around the office environment is highly likely and is happening now more frequently than ever.

The best predictor of attraction is propinquity; it’s really no wonder they happen considering we spend over 8 hours a day in the near presence of others, it is no surprise that you get to like and feel attracted to them. You are people with similar levels of education, interests and values being recruited to organisations so the process of assortative mating begins at corporate selection itself.

So why should the office not be a good place to find a partner? Can, or indeed should, anyone try to legislate matters of the heart or hormones?

Workplace relationships happen; full stop. Being open, grown-up and sensible is best.

Quite a few of us meet our partners at work, but you don’t need to be a killjoy to realise that workplace relationships can get us into trouble. Even if things go smoothly, undisclosed relationships can give rise to conflicts of interest, office gossip and there is always the risk of blurring boundaries, which could lead to allegations of poor performance or misconduct.

Here are a few tips to managing workplace relationships.

Keep communications and behaviour in the workplace professional.
Avoid a relationship with someone who reports to you, or to whom you report. If you think there may be a conflict of interest, consider disclosing the relationship
Remember confidentiality. You may be party to work-related information that you must not share, even with your partner
Consider how your workplace dealings with your partner may be construed by other colleagues
Have a plan for how to deal with what happens if the relationship breaks down.

While employees are entitled to a private life, employers should only interfere in personal relationships only when there is a direct impact on the workplace.

Setting Cupid aside for a moment, Good working relationships give us several other benefits: our work is more enjoyable when we have good relationships with those around us. Also, colleagues are more likely to go along with changes that we want to implement, and we’re more innovative and creative. It also gives us freedom, enabling us to focus on opportunities. Maintaining good relationships will not only make you more engaged and committed to your organization; it can also open doors to key projects, career advancement, and raises.

Just remember – not all relationships will be great; but you can make sure that they are, at least, workable!

ABOUT TOLA

Bamigbaiye-Elatuyi Omotola is a Regional Marketing Manager for West Africa in an FMCG. A firm believer in empowering others for success in the work place as she is a well sought after facilitator on Marketing and Business management. She also manages Workplace Management columns and Consumer Insight columns in magazines published across West Africa as well as volunteering with NGO’s as a child educator.

Instagram: tolaspeaks

Twitter: alottola

In tolaspeaks January 13, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

#TOLASPEAKS : MY NEEDS, MY WANTS…..

And what’s wrong with a little girly lust over a lipstick?

You and I consume; we are consumers. The global economy is set up to enable us to do what we innately want to do—buy, use, discard, and buy some more.

Yes, absolutely buy some more. My latest resolution is trying to live a minimalist life. Seriously, no jokes. But that doesn’t mean I still don’t own stuff. Now, stuff here is very subjective as I’ve realised my decisions to buy were based on several factors and emotions at the time. Although I’ve also come to realise that excessive consumption promises happiness, but never delivers. True life must be found somewhere else and am now in search of that…..Wish me luck!

The greatest challenge I see as consumers is why we keep actively searching the web and our Malls/ Supermarkets in pursuit of something to buy? And honestly, most of the time we aren’t in “need” of anything, like practical work trousers; we are simply trolling for something. Anything. We may be seeking to live a minimalist life, but we are still consumers. After all, to live is to consume.

Consumption is necessary, but excessive consumption is not.

It is time to take a step back and realize that excessive consumption is not delivering on its promise to provide happiness and fulfilment. And life can be better lived (and more enjoyed) by intentionally rejecting it. More importantly the ability to distinguish between a need and a want which is fuelled by desire.

Our Personal credit limits allows us to make purchases beyond our income-level coupled with several marketing advertisements which subtly reshape our desires around material possessions.

To crown it all, keeping up with the consumption culture that surrounds us begins to make excessive consumption appear natural and normal – A desire for more… a desire which is promoted by the world around us which slowly begins to rob us of life consuming our limited resources. Excessive consumption leads to bigger houses, faster cars, trendier clothes, fancier technology, and overfilled drawers and wardrobes. It promises happiness but as usual never delivers.

Consider these practical benefits of escaping excessive consumerism in your life:

1) Less debt. Staying out of debt should be the goal of every consumer. Debt causes stress in our lives and forces us to work jobs that we don’t enjoy to keep up with our lifestyles. ….Truth is, you can do without it!

2) Owning Less. The never-ending need to care for the things we own is draining our time and energy. We are far better off owning less.

3) Less desire to upscale lifestyle norms. The television and the Internet has brought lifestyle envy into our lives at a level never before experienced in human history. But today’s media age has caused us to envy (and expect) lifestyle norms well beyond our incomes by promoting the lifestyles based on brand proposition which are superior and enviable. Fulfilment is not on sale at our local stores—neither is happiness. It never has been. And never will be. We all know this to be true. We all know that more things won’t make us happier. It’s just that we’ve bought into the subtle message of millions upon millions of advertisements that have told us otherwise.

Hence, my new simple rule: Fewer things, more peace. The less we have, the less overwhelmed we feel. And the less overwhelmed we feel, the happier we are.

The grey area between these two is when the desire to obtain a particular thing is so extremely great, that a person may misinterpret a want, and see it more as a need. In order to know whether what you desire for is a want or a need is to basically ask one fundamental question: “Have you been able to survive without it?” If your answer is ‘yes’, then what you desire for is a want, no matter how much you crave for it right now.

By: Tola Elatuyi

Email : alottola@gmail.com

In tolaspeaks September 13, 2016 By Esther Ijewere

#TOLASPEAKS : BY THE WAY….

With so much enthusiasm, I listened on. The recruiter profiled the job and how I was well suited for the role. How the hiring manager profiled me and how I was a good fit for the company. A couple more minutes and the tone change……By the way.

His ‘by the way’, heralded a deeper tone, a more serious one, very affirmative and concise and suggestive of something serious.

I pressed my phone closer to my ear, it was a ‘but’ situation, but in a different kind of way. He continued on how they company was desirous of more growth, a notch higher on skill set and some fundamentals which they were looking out for. How as usual most candidates feel they meet all the criteria but someone else had a more relevant strength or experience. The conversation was coming to an end. This time more negative than it had started, tones dropped, pitch lowered, It landed roughly, maybe he didn’t know how to say it, maybe it was suggestive, it just wasn’t quite clear.

This situation plays out often within the recruiter and the candidate. If a recruiter has decided to give feedback, it needs to be given quickly so the candidate doesn’t keep hanging on. Or the awkward feeling of simply hoping the candidate gets the message when they don’t hear anything back from the recruiter.

An important part of the recruitment and selection process is the opportunity for applicants to have good quality, constructive feedback following interviews. However, feedback is rarely given, partly because organizations fear legal risk or because they do not know how best to convey it. However, it’s highly important to share feedback after an interview especially when the candidate has gotten to the final selection process.