Media Personality Toke Makinwa is out with a new episode of Toke Moments.
On this episode, she talks about when it’s okay to walk away from a relationship and how leaving is always an option.
And what’s wrong with a little girly lust over a lipstick?
You and I consume; we are consumers. The global economy is set up to enable us to do what we innately want to do—buy, use, discard, and buy some more.
Yes, absolutely buy some more. My latest resolution is trying to live a minimalist life. Seriously, no jokes. But that doesn’t mean I still don’t own stuff. Now, stuff here is very subjective as I’ve realised my decisions to buy were based on several factors and emotions at the time. Although I’ve also come to realise that excessive consumption promises happiness, but never delivers. True life must be found somewhere else and am now in search of that…..Wish me luck!
The greatest challenge I see as consumers is why we keep actively searching the web and our Malls/ Supermarkets in pursuit of something to buy? And honestly, most of the time we aren’t in “need” of anything, like practical work trousers; we are simply trolling for something. Anything. We may be seeking to live a minimalist life, but we are still consumers. After all, to live is to consume.
Consumption is necessary, but excessive consumption is not.
It is time to take a step back and realize that excessive consumption is not delivering on its promise to provide happiness and fulfilment. And life can be better lived (and more enjoyed) by intentionally rejecting it. More importantly the ability to distinguish between a need and a want which is fuelled by desire.
Our Personal credit limits allows us to make purchases beyond our income-level coupled with several marketing advertisements which subtly reshape our desires around material possessions.
To crown it all, keeping up with the consumption culture that surrounds us begins to make excessive consumption appear natural and normal – A desire for more… a desire which is promoted by the world around us which slowly begins to rob us of life consuming our limited resources. Excessive consumption leads to bigger houses, faster cars, trendier clothes, fancier technology, and overfilled drawers and wardrobes. It promises happiness but as usual never delivers.
Consider these practical benefits of escaping excessive consumerism in your life:
1) Less debt. Staying out of debt should be the goal of every consumer. Debt causes stress in our lives and forces us to work jobs that we don’t enjoy to keep up with our lifestyles. ….Truth is, you can do without it!
2) Owning Less. The never-ending need to care for the things we own is draining our time and energy. We are far better off owning less.
3) Less desire to upscale lifestyle norms. The television and the Internet has brought lifestyle envy into our lives at a level never before experienced in human history. But today’s media age has caused us to envy (and expect) lifestyle norms well beyond our incomes by promoting the lifestyles based on brand proposition which are superior and enviable. Fulfilment is not on sale at our local stores—neither is happiness. It never has been. And never will be. We all know this to be true. We all know that more things won’t make us happier. It’s just that we’ve bought into the subtle message of millions upon millions of advertisements that have told us otherwise.
Hence, my new simple rule: Fewer things, more peace. The less we have, the less overwhelmed we feel. And the less overwhelmed we feel, the happier we are.
The grey area between these two is when the desire to obtain a particular thing is so extremely great, that a person may misinterpret a want, and see it more as a need. In order to know whether what you desire for is a want or a need is to basically ask one fundamental question: “Have you been able to survive without it?” If your answer is ‘yes’, then what you desire for is a want, no matter how much you crave for it right now.
By: Tola Elatuyi
Email : alottola@gmail.com
The first and second phase of the Women of Rubies sensitization workshop tagged “Empowering grassroots women and giving them a voice“ which kicked off on 26th of August 2016 at the Alimosho LGA Akoonjo, and the second one at the Eleganza Sport Center, Lagos East LCDA Sura Market, Lagos Island was a huge success.
Women came out enmasse from different spheres of the community to be part of the workshop. The women were not only sensitized on the need to be empowered but also encouraged to save towards the future of their Children by the Keynote speaker; Chinyere Anokwuru of Self-worth Organisation for women, while the Sole Administrator of the Alimosho Local Government; Hon. Ganiu Quadri encouraged them to attend more of such programmes to be enlightened and have a voice in the society.
In Lagos Island, Betty Abah of CEE-HOPE Foundation and the Keynote speaker; Mrs. Falana, Director, Lagos State Ministry of Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation, also educated the women on the need to enroll in vocational skill centres and learn more hand work, Founder of Sisters Interact Network and motivational speaker; Kathlyn Eyitemi encouraged them to speak out and report cases of Domestic abuse while using her personal life experience as a motivating factor.
According to the Founder of Rubies Ink Initiative for Women and Children and Editor-In-Chief of Women of Rubies ; Esther Ijewere-Kalejaiye; the workshop was an impactful learning experience for the women in Lagos Island and the feedback was inspiring.
Pictures from Alimosho LGA
Founding Editor of Women of Rubies; Esther Ijewere-Kalejaiye with her team
Pictures from the 2nd Workshop at the Eleganza Sport Centre, Sura Market Lagos East LCDA
To see more pictures and more info log on to www.womenofrubies.com
Now, this LONG POST is not to fight any gender unless you would rather perceive it that way. I am unapologetic over this post please note. I have never been apologetic over any of my posts anyway.
I am yet to see a man who does not have a female in his life be it his daughter, mother, cousin or even a friend, so it would be very awkward if anyone interprets this post as a fight against men.
It is still January, it’s a new year, this is the time we really need to be hitting hard on very serious and sensitive matters lest this year ends the same way it has always been for many Nigerian women. . Why do we avoid telling ourselves some hard truth no matter how uncomfortable they may sound?
Listen and listen good, In Nigeria, a stay at home mum has dug her own grave already. Are such women for real at all? Listen o, no matter how good a man is, a woman who is totally dependent on her husband in 2017 is a sorry case.
Let me say this, when I was in the Banking industry working as a marketer, 99% of the married men who opened an account through me didn’t use their wives as next of kin. I was forced to ask some of them at some point why they didn’t do that? Their reason,” Ah! If they died, the woman will marry another man”.
I asked – So if you die, who will take care of the kid(s) you left for the woman? They all had no answers.Many Nigerian men hardly have long term plans for their immediate families but their wives are still playing the dutiful wives.
Death is inevitable, a man can die first, a woman can also die first,. In a situation where the man is the sole provider how do such women intend to cope with the kids? They will turn into beggars abi? In Nigeria, most times the moment a man dies, whether he left a will or not, his greedy family members can swoop on his assets. It is pathetic that Nigerian women who can’t mention the topic of writing a will to their husbands, they cant even suggest joint ownership of everything are still the same women who fight with all their might to stay married at all cost in a marriage where there is no future for them, worse still, they prefer to be stay at home mums.
Apart from this death thing, here in Nigeria, a man can take as many wives as he want even the ones married under the statutory law, let us not deceive ourselves as if we have not seen it happen time and time again. Or is it from my mouth you’ll be hearing it for the first time that a man married under the statutory law took another wife and nothing happened? Nigerian women don’t sue their husbands for bigamy because they don’t want to be “husband-less” Don’t blame them, it is because Nigerian women are required to approach the gates of heaven with a penis in one hand. .
So when a woman is totally dependent on the man, how would she be able to sort herself out if it is a messy situation she can’t condone? Mfon Abia Effiong wrote on a post and I agree, “Money is a defense”
The last time I checked, Nigeria is still a patriarchal society. Any woman of sound mind who took her time to look through that gender equality bill which our Senators rejected would know that Nigerian women are in “one chance.” What do we spend our time doing sef? Gossiping and back biting even though it doesn’t better your lives when there are real issues which women should focus their attention on. The average Nigerian woman fights to protect her marriage at all cost yet that same marriage she spends all her life fighting for, she is just like a tenant there. Go argue with the rejected bill on gender equality.If you want a copy, I have the pdf one with me.
In Nigeria, if any party should be a stay at home Parent, it should be the man, until women have equal rights as men. Otherwise, in the event of whatever, she stands to lose everything.
Do we think our Senators who rejected that bill were sleeping when they did that? They won’t want to approve that kind of bill because it protects Nigerian women and they don’t want that. They know whether a woman works or not, she has the same rights as the man of the home. They know everything he has ever worked for in his life also belongs to his wife. These things were stated clearly in that bill.
In fact, that gender equality bill would have protected stay at home mums and I would be very willing to advocate that women stay at home and take care of their tender kids as a child rights Advocate since women have nothing to loose, but until then, any woman staying at home regardless if it is her decision or not has dug her own grave already. .
Please don’t come and be writing blablbalablbla here because we prefer to deceive ourselves You are free to “test the waters” with any decision you make as a woman but be very ready to face the consequences.
In this life, a human being of sound mind should be able to think positively and negatively at the same time and we should deploy means of how we won’t fall Victims, most especially if you are resident in a Country like Nigeria and you are a woman.
A Nigerian woman’s brain must be functioning like a wall clock, working every second, you cant afford to “na ge re” (translate in English yourself)
Credit : Bukola’s Facebook Account
My love for Funke Akindele really knows no bound since the ‘Jenifa’s diary’ has found its way to our screen,tabs,phones and laptops giving us reasons to forget Nigeria’s economic recession while it last. And yes! The mimics too, its trending.
But beyond the comedy is a bundle of life lessons. The theme song about Jenifa as a go-getter and her willingness to be at her best, of course beyond the gender borders,financial or social disability is a reason to succeed. Be your best overcome hurdles, set a path to tread for younger women and let your success be a force to motivate other women.
Woman! Thou art loosed! How many times you have failed isn’t an excuse not to try again. Always see a reason to succeed amidst pointers of failure.Be your own Jenifa! Make mistakes,learn from them and set the records straight for good.
And Kudos to Funke Akindele, you’ve done well ma’am.
With Love As Usual,
Bolanle
Are you bothered about women that has broken your desired record? Not to worry, do your best and you will shine as you and not them. Believe in yourself and Success will be your companion.
When Bukky Shonibare, the Group CEO for the 555 Group, heard that the Chibok girls have been abducted, she could have decided to move on with her life and mind her own business; instead she decided to be part of those championing “Bring Back Our Girls Campaign”. It’s been emotionally and psychologically zapping for her, but instead of just ranting, she has dedicated every day since the abduction of these girls to advocating, writing articles, tweeting about the abducted girls, patiently waiting for their return. What makes this amazon remarkable is the fact that she has dedicated her time, money and resources to lend a voice to the plight of the victims of terrorism.
The Genesis
I was scrolling through my timeline on social media when I saw that girls had been abducted in North East, Nigeria. I didn’t know a place called ‘Chibok’ existed until the news started unfolding. For Bukky, the task of bringing back our girls is non negotiable and has to be done no matter the cost.
Identifying with the Chibok Girls
The first march of the #BringBackOurGirls movement, held on April 30th 2014, was one that gathered all agitators on this issue, of which I was one. We marched in the rain to the National Assembly to table our grievances. For me, joining the march on that day was my way of identifying with every girl that was abducted in and outside Chibok. I am a mother – what could the mothers be possibly going through? Fathers can be close to their daughters – what could these men be going through? Besides, I can relate with abuse and molestation, and how it can possibly turn one’s life around. So, the knowledge that they are with heartless miscreants with capacity to perpetrate just any inhumane act, including sexual exploitation and senseless killings, made my resilience stronger. I just want the relevant authorities to keep prioritizing the issue so as to ensure prompt action and result. Bottom line, that sheer sense of empathy that made me go out the first time still fuels me, and other campaigners, till date.”
Giving up on the cause? Never!
While my optimism was somewhat legitimately threatened in view of a protracted period of silence and inaction, giving up has never, and will never be, an option. I believe in the power of consistency. The same motive for continuing the day after the march (May 1, 2014), is the same that has kept me coming out; after all, it’s yet another day. Or how’s that day different from now if truly the motive is to have our girls back? Undeniably, hope has been severally dashed, with numerous failed expectations, but for me – and other campaigners, who know that for us to record a closure that is not only logical, but also worthy of a writable history, we must push and drive ourselves until a sensible outcome is reached. The numerous botched phantom ceasefire agreements, the ‘we-know-where-the-girls-are’ hype without actual rescue, the dashed hope that ensues after excitedly hearing or reading that another western government has pledged support, etc, are all sufficient reasons to think it is not worth it; but when I consider what is at stake if I give up; I realize that I would rather stay on the path of continuity and doggedness.
500 days without the Chibok girls
The sad reality that we hit 500 days without the girls returning was a very harsh one. I recall when we commemorated 30 days of abduction and then 100 days. That reality is rude! It slaps the very essence of humanity. How did we get to the point where young, innocent, and naïve girls – who have become a symbol of Nigeria’s systemic and institutional failure, would be abducted for months! I mean, it’s so sad. And now, we have had to experience those 100 days for 5 times. How long do we still have to wait? How much can a heart take?
Some Nigerians believe abduction never took place
The inability of several Nigerians to be empathetic in such a critical matter that bothers on our shared humanity is one that still beats me. To excuse or validate that sense of dismissiveness, several Nigerians have tried to interpret and box this abduction into a narrative that fits their stance. Unfortunately, that one thinks in such manner, and finds one or two more to think same, does not necessarily make that skewed narrative the truth. Till date, several Nigerians believe that abduction never took place. I find that heartbreaking because the more a large percentage of us denial or dismiss the possibility or the actual abduction, our ability to rally round – with one voice, one mind, for one cause, is eroded. And that is what happened to us. Several narratives in this direction emanated from blinded loyalists to the then ruling party and immediate past President. The abduction was, and still is, seen as politically and financially motivated. Some say we do this for political positions. At what expense? Lives of innocent girls? How cheap and sad! This same understanding caused slowness in taking relevant actions that requires urgency. Experts say that the action or inaction of the first 24 to 48 hours after abductionis a major determinant of the eventual outcome, positive or negative.
Handling criticism
I understand the power of focus! One reality I had to come to terms with is that not everyone is on the same page with us, and that alone is sufficient reasons to ensure adequate room for their opposing tantrums, lopsided interpretations, and baseless narratives. So, I have had to adjust expectations. However, as time goes by, my emotional immunity quotient is increased with the frequency and strength of these attacks. Truth is, it can sometimes get at me, but the picture of the anticipated future is worth bearing anything for. Besides, there is absolutely no mud thrown at us that can match what we have, by our dismissiveness and denial, caused the Chibok girls. No price, if any, is too much for this cause. Any of the Chibok girls – Hauwa, Kauna, Deborah, Amina, could have been my daughter, sister, niece, or cousin. If it were so, I would still be standing and waiting in anticipation for their return just as I do with the Chibok girls.
Looking back
I have always been drawn to the plight of others. 10 years ago, I started an NGO – The Light Foundation as a platform to cater for the plight of the downtrodden, based on different categories. Now, the campaign for the Chibok girls led to my desire to assist other victims of insurgency, especially the Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs). As a vehicle to drive support interventions, I conceptualized and birthed ‘Adopt-A-Camp’ (www.adoptacamp.org.ng).
Being a Woman of rubies
According to the mandate of the ‘Woman of Rubies’, three things are critical – virtue, value, and verve. I try to combine these three, even though I am not yet there. I am, like we all are, a work-in-progress. I am an imperfect being. However, I believe that exhibiting vigor in the face of the challenging advocacy for the Chibok girls is one that makes me a ‘Woman of Rubies.’ At some point, to guide what we do and don’t do, we developed a set of core values, which we all try to live by, consistently and unwaveringly. So, I am a ‘Woman of Rubies’ because I am consciously grooming myself to be virtuous, one that holds on to guiding principles, and one with vigor and a deep sense of enthusiasm.