Self confidence

Belief and confidence are like the chicken and the egg, inextricably linked in such a way that it doesn’t really matter which one came first because they are both essential to the other’s existence. When building confidence, we must believe, and to believe we must be confident that what we believe is right.

When you question your beliefs, it directly affects your ability to be confident. However, it is almost certain that you will fail and be disappointed from time to time. Therefore, knowing how to maintain your confidence in the face of those low points is paramount.

In an effort to help you avoid the destabilizing effects of failure and disappointment, here are 5 steps to building confidence that is unshakeable.

1. Create a Strong Personal Belief Statement

A strong belief statement, or affirmation, can be a game changer. Your belief statement should be both a distillation of your beliefs and a statement of encouragement that reminds you of your capabilities. You should feel positive and empowered when you say your belief statement to yourself.

An example of a belief statement is: “I fearlessly succeed, no matter the circumstance, and remain victoriously affluent.” The statement speaks to an ability to overcome life’s failures and disappointments while still accomplishing whatever must be accomplished.

In order to create your belief statement:

Take 10 minutes to write down some challenges you have faced thus far and any themes that keep coming up in your life.
Spend 10 more minutes generating some possible beliefs statements (1 or 2 sentences each) that sum up your ability to overcome those challenges and rise above any negativity presented by the themes while still embracing the positive.
Spend 5-10 minutes saying the statements you have created out loud.
Choose the statement that evokes the most positive emotion and confidence in you when you recite it.

When you have finished, memorize this statement, write it on your bathroom mirror, or carry it in your pocket to reference when you need a pick-me-up. Frequent recitation of your belief statement out loud or internally will start to lay the foundation for long-term confidence.

2. Practice, Practice, Practice

Through repetition we gain facility. The more you practice being confident, the more confident you will be.

There are things that you already know you are good at or are capable of. The data from those past events can be helpful as you intentionally practice being confident, especially when it is used as evidence to support the belief that you can do whatever is required in the moment. ^[2]

Any time you believe you can accomplish something or deliver on an expectation, that is an opportunity to practice confidence. Simply expressing your confidence out loud to yourself or others can have a truly transformative effect.

The act of verbalizing your self-confidence immediately gives a positive belief more weight, and sharing it with others allows them to validate and support you in that belief. When they echo their confidence in you, it will help you in building confidence in yourself.

You have to strengthen your confidence like a muscle, otherwise you don’t stand a chance when life hits you with unexpected disappointment.

3. Surround Yourself With Confident and Competent People

You are a reflection of both the people you spend time with and your environment. Therefore, making sure that you’re spending time with people who exhibit confidence in themselves is important. They are modeling behaviors that are beneficial for your growth.

Watching others exercise their confidence despite life’s challenges will help deepen your belief and confidence in yourself. Their presence will not only serve as reminder of how to be confident in tough times, but it will also remind you that you are not alone on this journey.

4. Keep Track of Your Wins

You can’t argue with evidence. The internal critic can get pretty loud and aggressive when you are dealing with self-doubt, which can snowball into an all-out assault on your beliefs and confidence.

We tend to be very good are remembering what went wrong but not as great as remembering what we did well. Keeping a record creates an archive of valuable data. ^[3]

When you have your wins written down, you can always refer back to them as tangible examples of your capabilities, bravery, and accomplishments. Your inner critic will be hard pressed to negate such compelling examples of your confidence in action. These examples are great prompts to reconnect with your confidence and exercise that muscle.

5. Establish a Foundation of Trust in the Greater Universality of Life

Trust, here, refers to a deeper knowing that allows you to experience a deep faith that leads to confidence.

When you trust that there is something greater in store for you, that everything happens for a reason, or that nothing is random, then you are able to tap into a sense of acceptance when thing go awry.

There is a beauty in your individual spiritual experience that is unique only to you. Many things are unknowable, including the future. However, what you do know is that you are here on this planet with millions of other people, all trying to live their best lives and bring something of value to their community.

Cultivating a deep trust in the universality of life and the things we know to be true is an invaluable anchor for our confidence.

Final Thoughts

Building confidence is important, and for many that process can be daunting. Ultimately, what we believe about ourselves effects our confidence. We have all heard the old adage,

“If you don’t think you can, then you won’t.”

It may seem like an oversimplification, but it’s not. When you believe in yourself deeply, and the belief is rooted in deep trust, there is very little that can shake your confidence. Remember to practice confidence daily, be unafraid to create a belief statement that fires you up, track your wins, surround yourself with confident people, and establish a foundation of trust. Practices like these will give you the confidence you need to accomplish what is possible every day.

“Do you want to attract people to you effortlessly”?

“Do people warm up to you easily”?

If you have confidence in yourself and your abilities or you want to boost your confidence level, then this article is for you.

Read on….

With Confidence, you’re more likely to try different things and take risks—ask your boss for a raise or promotion, approach an attractive guy or girl in public, or start working out.

Confidence is something that is often easy to notice in people, but is difficult to figure out what exactly it is they’re doing that is making them so visibly confident.

Here are 8 things that confident people do regularly and that you can implement immediately to start building your confidence.

1. Listen

Confident people listen and hear what others have to say. This is a way to remain open-minded and understand others’ perspectives. One of the best tips I was ever told was to listen to someone’s viewpoint and wait at least three seconds to reply. If you reply too soon, you’re defending your response or replying with your own thoughts and it’s likely that you didn’t actually listen—you were concentrated on your perspective. As you wait to reply, the other person is also more likely to reveal more about themselves. Next time you feel the urge to reply immediately in a conversation, stop, wait for three seconds, and really let that other person’s words sink in.

2. Smile

Something as simple as smiling more can do wonders to improve your mood and stress levels. Smiling makes your brain feel like you are happy, which in turn projects positivity to the rest of your body. Next time you are walking down the street or around the halls at school or work, smile at the first person you see and notice the change in your mood.

3. Encourage others

Confident people are aware of their abilities and don’t feel threatened by others. Instead, confident people encourage others to be successful and inspire others to seek out beneficial opportunities. Next time someone approaches you—a coworker, friend, colleague—about an opportunity they have or are interested in, encourage and inspire them to go through with it.

4. Ask about others

Confident people don’t feel the need to talk about themselves every chance they get. Yes, they want to be heard, but they don’t feel a need to prove themselves. This confidence allows them to get to know another person quicker, as they are making that person feel like the most important person in the room. Next time you’re talking to someone you don’t know (or barely know), try to keep the conversation about them while being genuine. To do this, use a mental framework called FORGE: family, occupation, relationships, goals, environment. Once you find something that they seem passionate about or that you have in common, go further on that topic. Once a person realizes you’re genuinely interested in them, they are more likely to open up.

5. Think confidently

Thinking confidently may seem obvious or easy, but it’s important (and sometimes harder than you’d think). To think confidently, try remembering a time when you felt confident in a situation. Maybe after you received a compliment from someone after your last presentation, you felt great about yourself and confident in your skills. Before you give your next presentation or speech, remember how this felt, and remember that other people saw how well you performed previously—this lets your brain know you are more than capable of succeeding because you’ve done it before.

6. Dress for success

This may seem vain, but the way you dress impacts how you feel. Think about it— you don’t put on dress clothes to lounge around all day, watching Netflix. So, the same holds true if you want to feel confident. Next time you go into a situation where you need to feel confident (a presentation, negotiation, crucial conversation, etc.) wear clean, well-kept clothes that fit properly and notice how more confident you feel.

8. Meditate

Meditation is one of the best ways to improve your presence, and presence is one of the key contributors of charisma. Confident people have great awareness of the situation around them and they focus all their energy and attention on those they are talking with. Meditating opens your mind to feeling in the moment, and when you’re in the moment it’s easier to see your abilities and skills in action, which can help you to feel more confident in yourself. Meditating can improve your mindfulness and make you more aware of your own thoughts. If you can recognize your thoughts, you’re able to catch the negative ones before they manifest in your body and turn them into positive thoughts, which will help you to feel more confident.

Tammy Rosiji: 5 Steps to Building Unshakeable Confidence