As you fall more and more in love, there’s a chance something will come along that sabotages this connection. Maybe it’s a communication issue, or something more serious, such as infidelity or family problems. No matter how hard the couple tries to salvage the relationship, it can still ultimately end in a breakup…and heartache.

Depending on why you and your love broke up, here are tips to feeling positive and as happy as possible after your relationship ends:

Breaking up because you’re incompatible

Many relationships end because the couple is not compatible in one or more ways. Maybe you want marriage but he doesn’t. Maybe he’s not willing to move for your work. Whatever the reason, coming to a point where you realize you both just aren’t compatible usually occurs after the infatuation stage starts to fade. You both realize that the kisses and handholding was really all there was to this relationship.

You’ll undoubtedly feel like breaking up was the best option, but you’ll still feel heartbroken. Here are ways to heal after breaking off an incompatible relationship:

Relax and realize the breakup is no one’s fault – some people are not meant to be together.

Make your life exciting again by getting back into your hobbies and interests (and finding new ones).

When friends or family ask about the relationship, don’t talk negatively about your former parter. Simply explain why you broke up, then change the subject.

It will take time to heal, but knowing that the relationship wouldn’t have worked anyway will help you feel positive.

Ending a miserable relationship

If the relationship is miserable, breaking up is the right thing to do. It can still take its toll on one or both people because it wasnt all bad. A miserable relationship can mean many things: maybe you need more independence or just can’t stand being around someone who is so negative.

Even if the relationship was miserable, there were parts that made you happy which will make the breakup tough. Be sure to do the following to heal after breaking off a miserable relationship:

Lean on family and friends and accept their kind words.

Avoid more misery by giving in or begging the other person to change.

Find a passion that will replace being miserable. Some people may enjoy volunteering and others may want to get a pet.

When infidelity ends a relationship

One of the most common causes of a breakup is because of infidelity. If one partner was unfaithful and the other has a difficult time forgiving, a breakup usually follows. The person who was unfaithful needs to take responsibility and figure out how to prevent this from happening again in future relationships. The person who remained faithful should learn from the experience without developing bitterness that will prevent a happy, loving relationship after taking time to heal.

Here are ways to stay positive after breaking off an unfaithful relationship:

Never take the blame for the other person being unfaithful. If there was a problem, it should have been discussed and not “solved” by seeking love outside the relationship.

Take stock of personal, positive attributes – learn to see the good in yourself.

Get support from counseling.

Build an ego without being too self-centered. This may involve taking a class and learning something new or getting a makeover.

Make (and achieve) personal and positive goals.

After a breakup, everyone needs time to heal. Whether the relationship ended because of incompatibility, being miserable or infidelity, it’s a good idea to focus on personal positives before getting involved in another relationship. Use these tips to help you heal, stay positive and move past your heartbreak.

Source: https://familyshare.com/27456/how-to-stay-positive-after-breaking-up

I have a dear friend who was once vivacious and cheerful. As a teenage girl, she had a promising future. She was beautiful, warm, smart and talented. She dated a lot and was widely admired. She had “the pick of the litter” as far as guys went. In college, she met a charismatic guy who made her laugh. He swept her off her feet and they married.

Soon enough, she found out that Prince Charming was really a sociopath. She stayed with him for the sake of her children and suffered in an unhappy, abusive marriage for many years before leaving.

Marriage is a hugely exciting prospect, but when you’re in love with someone, sometimes your emotions can cloud your judgment. Maybe he’s a fun guy, but is he worthy to take your hand in marriage? Can you imagine him as the father of your children?

Of course, you don’t want to spend your life with “Mr. Blah,” but bear in mind the long road ahead. Before committing to the wrong guy, consider the following all-time top four qualities of a keeper. Remember, this is your future we’re talking about!

  1. He is kind to young children and old women

A guy who is both tender with kids and respectful to the elderly is worth a second look. I have a brother-in-law who adores my kids. Even after having children of his own, he makes my kids feel special and cool. He loves roughhousing with them and blending fruit smoothies for them. Similarly, a guy who is a gentleman to his mom and other women is a keeper. A man’s behavior toward women says volumes about the type of person he is.

  1. He is willing to get his hands dirty

When the car stalls or the gutters need cleaned, it’s sure handy to have a manly guy around. Even if your guy isn’t a skilled mechanic or handyman, it’s nice to have someone who will dig in and not shy away from hard work.

A guy with a strong work ethic will teach your children the value of hard work. Don’t settle for someone lazy or someone who won’t pitch in to help maintain your home. A man who extends a helping hand to others is someone worthy of your love, too.

  1. He isn’t in love with himself

Steer clear of the guy who moons over himself. You know – the guy who never saw a mirror he didn’t like.

Who wants to spend her life with a vain man? It’s fine to want to look nice, and no one wants to be with a slob – but pay attention to your man’s ego and make sure he’s not a slave to fashion (for example, too hipster) or his physique. You don’t want a selfish or narcissistic hubby.

  1. He is honest

When you’ve snagged an honest man, you can be assured of several things. Your husband won’t be unfaithful to you. He’ll be true to his co-workers, boss, friends and family members. He’ll be upfront in his financial dealings. When he makes mistakes, he won’t hide them from you because he is a man of honor.

You’ll enjoy peace of mind and feel more secure in your marriage with an honest man.

Each of these four attributes points to another attribute: humility. Find and marry someone who is humble, because he will regard you more highly than himself.


By: Megan Gladwell

Originally for Familyshare

“A common saying states that; “You attract who you are” and a lot of ladies wonder, how come they’re attracting players into their lives  when they don’t do the same.

I understand that you may have these questions and thoughts in your mind like:

  1. I am a good girl but I keep attracting men that want to rape me. Does it mean I’m a rapist too?
  2. I try to spend all of my income on my girlfriends yet they always end up using me. Am I guilty of the same offense?
  3. Why is it only married men that come after me? What have I done to deserve that?

My answer:

You don’t have to be a player or rapist to attract one but you can be projecting a part of you that attracts such men.

Let’s look into life of Monique for an example.

Monique was raped at the age of 8 and she developed a quick hatred for men following that incident. At the age of 10, when she went visiting her uncle. His friend molested her yet she could not tell anyone. Her parents were the busy and absent type and even when they came around, they were usually fighting or shutting her down which made her develop low self-esteem.

She grew wishing she didn’t come to that family and she also hated God for making the rape happen. When she got into the university, she became difficult for men to talk to yet she was very pretty. Some cult guys in the school that tried chasing her decided to set her up for a rape again at age 20. At this point, she was done for. She became bitter. She went ahead to join a girls cult and became a lesbian too. Her aim was to gun down men that try to get at her or punish her rapist in the best way possible.

After she graduated, she had to go for her NYSC, get a job and start her life all over. Monique had also lost some of her gangs in the final year while she was in school. All through school, she never dated any man. She joined a church later on after much persuasion from her neighbor and she got better by the day.

The only problem she had was that, she still had her secrets. She had not worked on herself or sorted things out. Most of the men that came around her were either touchy or requesting for sex at the first date. What could be wrong?

She was trying to run from the kinds of men that raped her but it wasn’t working that way.

Monique has to undergo an emotional therapy that can help her understand what happened in her past, change the meanings attached to her experience, spot out the positive reasons behind her past, forgive herself for the hurts, forgive the rapist which is very difficult but possible, forgive her parents for their kind of parenting, seek completeness in God, release the total experience and start a new journey.

Now, it sounds easy to write but it is a long journey to activate. Why is this necessary?

For every experience you have had, there is always a belief system you create around them which forms your perception. All of these reality becomes your model of the world.

Monique must have created beliefs like; “All men are bad”, “All men are rapist”, “Parents are always too busy”, “Any man coming around wants sex” etc. As little as these beliefs sounds, they determine your decisions and destiny.

The law of projection works with the beliefs in your subconscious mind which is the main reason why you need to undergo a process of recovery, transformation and repositioning. If you don’t, you will keep attracting the unhealthy beliefs you have.

As tough as she thought she was, she was insecure, had low self-esteem and didn’t see any worth in herself. As much as she projected that image behind her expensive dress, insecure men came around and tried to touch her too. It works in a mysterious way.

If you are a plus size, you may keep thinking that you cannot meet a man that can appreciate your size, you may be forced to start begging a man to stick with you.

“If your mind believes that it is impossible to attract a man that is not a rapist, that will be the reality.”

This is why when I engage my coaching clients, I start with the vision they want in a relationship or marriage and then tackle what the problem is. It usually stems from the mindset. There’s usually a fault in the belief system or an emotional trauma.

When I was younger, my uncles lived with us and almost every day, I kept hearing about their sexcapades with girls and I developed a thick skin against players, the truth is, for so long, I kept attracting men that wanted to sleep with me. It was a struggle actually.

Anything you try to run from can end up being your reality.

So what should you do? Seek for professional help that can help you identify and eliminate the wrong beliefs and experiences. You deserve the best relationship ever.


About Nike

Nike Adedokun Folagbade helps singles build healthy relationships via break up, dating and relationships coaching.

Her goal is to help many singles recover from heartbreaks, attract and keep the right partner and build healthy relationships.

She has been featured in numerous magazines, newspaper, television and radio programs like Channels, The Punch, Business Day News, CoreTv, The guardian, City fm, Happenings Radio amongst others.

Her Facebook group, The Right Partner Community is targeted at helping one single at a time achieve their relationship milestone. She blogs at www.nikefolagbade.com and can be reached via adenikeadedokun@gmail.com or hello@nikefolagbade.com


What is the first thing we do when we get into an argument with our men? For many of us, the answer is to call or send a message to our female friends immediately it happens. When that heavy feeling of anger takes over, you feel like you need an outlet now, right? Someone who you can be 100% real with, someone who you can bitch, whine and complain to, and most importantly, someone who will take your side. Am I right? I know I’ve certainly been there before.

It’s especially easy to fall into this trap when your relationship is still new because you want the approval of your closest girls, you want everyone to like him, you want them to tell you that you picked a good one. Whether it’s your best friend, mom, or sister, you get peace of mind from being able to vent to them about an argument that happened with him. Talking it out with them helps you get your head on straight and gain more clarity before going back to your guy and then actually dealing with the situation. But really, how much is that actually serving you and your relationship with him?

Sure, the girls want what’s best for us but there are some reasons why you might want to think twice before dishing the details to them again and these reasons are very important.
Every woman has a different outlook on men and relationships through their own individual experiences, but your outlook is the only one that matters.

It could be that she’s been your best friend since primary or secondary school, maybe you tell each other everything, and maybe she’s a woman with high standards whose opinion you respect a lot. But, if she’s single or if she’s in an unhappy relationship, her opinions might sway you in a different direction than you would’ve gone if you hadn’t asked for her input.
Even if she means well, if she’s unhappy in her own relationship, or if she’s subconsciously feeling left out because she’s single, there’s a chance she might have a biased outlook on men and relationships in general. Or, she might have underlying negative feelings towards men. The result of all of this will come out in the way she talks to you about your relationship. And, I hate to say it, but there is always going to be a certain amount of “man bashers” out there. You know the type who always talk about how all men only want one thing, how they’re all cheaters, liars, etc. If you’ve got women like this running in your circle of friends, it’s possible that you’re more likely to start having those same thought patterns. The women we’re closest to always influence our decisions.
Another thing to look at is whether or not you have fair weathered friends in your circle. It’s not pretty, but jealousy happens. It’s human nature. But pay attention, because a jealous friend, whether they have malicious intent or not might not always be looking at your needs first, their main concern might be what makes them feel best.

Family members will always take your side.
There is a reason you shouldn’t involve your family members in your relationship. Be it when the relationship is just fresh or when you guys are married. Unless it gets way beyond your hands before you bring them in. The fact of the matter is, people get into arguments, people mess up, and sometimes your partner will let you down.

You have to accept that as a part of life.

Your partner is not going to be perfect all the time. It’s impossible for things to be peachy ALL of the time. But when you go airing your dirty laundry to your sister and your mom, they’re likely going to look at the situation from your side, because they’re your family and they never want to see you hurting, no matter whose “fault” it is. Their opinion will almost always be biased. You’re better off sticking to telling them the good stuff about your guy rather than the bad stuff. In addition to this, I’ve always found mom-advice to be a little bit off base when it comes to dating. Not because she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but because if she’s in a happy marriage where she’s been playing mom and wife for the last 40 years, then the way she interacts with her husband is going to be very different from the way you interact with your boyfriend. You’ve been dating your man only for a year, and she’s been with her husband for 40 years, so don’t take her word for it when she tells you to do something nice for your boyfriend like cooking him a five star dinner when he’s being a little distant. The relationship dynamics aren’t the same, and therefore her advice isn’t going to get you the best results. Men of those days are quite different from the babies we have now. Yes I said babies because that’s what the men of these days are. But you could try though…you just might be lucky.

Your mind will start to feel cluttered.
Once you get into the habit of telling your girlfriends everything, it can be a hard one to break. Pretty soon you realize that it becomes more like “word vomit” anything he does or says that causes a shadow of a doubt in your mind, or that slightly bothers you, you go and tell them. You start talking to all of your girlfriends about your relationship, and pretty soon, you have ten different opinions on one situation, when the only opinion that should matter, is yours!

When you tell others the intimate details of your love life, you’re giving them permission to influence you. Their reactions and words influence you, and when you start getting a million different perspectives, you can’t even hear your own inner voice anymore. You stop going with your gut and intuition, and you start depending on other people’s reasoning and advice. All this will do is create drama in your mind and in your relationship, and you’ll likely end up doing something you regret because someone else thought you should do it. Then a month later when you’ve been detoxed of all the other voices cluttering your mind, you’ll probably realize that you did something you wished you hadn’t.

It’s Disrespectful.
Not only is it disrespectful to your guy, but it’s disrespectful to your relationship. A woman who took pride in her relationship wouldn’t go around telling everyone the details of an argument she had that morning. It lowers the value of your relationship. Your relationship is something precious that you should protect and honour, not a hot topic of entertainment. It’s also disrespectful to him. Do you see him talking to his buddies and telling them the intimate details of your conversations? Most guys don’t do this. They keep things to themselves for the most part. They don’t go around blabbing about their fight from last night. How would he feel if he knew you were telling everyone (or even just one friend) about the personal stuff between you two? It’s the ultimate disrespect to a guy. I would even take it so far as to say that some look at this as a form of betrayal.

Lack of Intimacy.
This one is a biggie. It prevents you from becoming intimate with him! Believe me, I can totally empathize getting all worked up about something and wanting to go to a girlfriend so you can explode and let it all out. But by doing that, not only are you hurting your relationship in other ways, you’re also stopping yourself from becoming closer to him. And isn’t that the reason why you’re upset in the first place? You’re feeling detached from him in some way, angry or annoyed with him, or uncomfortable about something, and you want to make that better. It takes some emotional bravery and vulnerability to go to your guy and tell him if something is bothering you, and let him in on the inner details of your mind. But instead of telling him, you tell your girlfriends, your relationship isn’t benefiting in any way. And in the long run, it will prevent you from learning how to better your communication skills for future problems.
The moral of the story is that if you often find yourself discussing issues within your relationship to anyone other than your partner, try keeping things private for a few weeks and see if your relationship improves in any way. I strongly believe it will. Give it a try. Keep your friends and family out of it and you will see it lasting a long while.

To our hapiness. Cheers.

By: Kemi Amushan

Even if you hit a roadblock in your relationship, these 10 tips will tell you if you’re on the right track.

Crisis can come upon couples unexpectedly and rattle even the most solid of relationships. No matter how smitten you are with your honey, doubt may creep into your mind, clouding your vision of a perfect match. So how do you really know if this relationship is right for you? Here are a few ways to find out:

  1. Moral support

When your friends and family want to see you and your partner together, there is something to savor. Sometimes outside perspective is needed to see things you are too close and emotionally invested in to appreciate or view clearly. Don’t base the value of your relationship on the opinion of others, but listen to the voices you love and respect.

  1. Fair fights

When a fight does break out, it’s a clean one. Your arguments work toward resolving issues and solving problems while still appreciating each other’s feelings and needs.

  1. New issues

Your issues are new issues. Past problems actually get worked out and don’t come back up to bite you. Old resentments don’t get brought up in new arguments, and old dirt doesn’t get thrown around in current conversations.

  1. Hard work

You’re both willing to put in the work. You jump into action without skipping a beat, and you work on an issue until it’s over. No hesitations.

  1. Growing together

You and your partner are evolving together emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Growing closer is easy and a natural course of your relationship.

  1. Major change

You are both naturally changing for the better because you are happier being who you are this new way. Not because he asked you to change, and certainly not to keep him. Maybe you never wanted children, and now you can’t wait to be a parent with your partner. Or maybe he always needed his space, and now being away from you feels incomplete.

  1. Life partners

You don’t see yourself or your life without him. And you know he feels the same way.

  1. The L-word

“Love” rolls off the tongue effortlessly. You can’t imagine not saying it; that would hurt too much. You need to say it, you want to say it and it brings you joy. And it’s the same for him.

  1. Spiritual connection

There’s just something cosmic that pulls you two back together when you drift apart. It’s unexplainable. But it’s there. And it’s always for the better for both of you.

Love is blind

You don’t see anyone else as a potential partner, and you’re not interested in building any kind of connection with another. No one comes close to the amazing person you have. Physical attraction may pop in and surprise you, but the desire for intimacy or emotional connection doesn’t develop.

Knowing when you are right where you should be can be difficult in the midst of it. Hindsight may be 20/20, and if you’re the type that doesn’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, keep your eyes open and see what blessings you have in your love. Let this list encourage you to keep going and keep the faith when the road gets rough and blue skies go gray. You can build a beautiful home for yourself and your family when you appreciate everything and everyone in it.


Do you know what you want in a life partner? At some point in your life, you will ask yourself this question. If you never have, and you are looking to settle down soon, then you are headed for trouble.

It is simple to assume that you know what you are looking for. Tall, dark, handsome, financially stable, Godfearing… coming up with the perfect adjective to describe your future partner might not seem like that hard of a thing to do. But are you looking for what you want or what you think you should want? Let me give you two examples that inspired this article.

Deborah is a very good friend of mine, I have known her since secondary school. We hang out a lot and of course, often had discussions about men, relationship and all. The guys she dated, she never asked them for a dime. Some offered and some didn’t but Deborah was determined to not be the ‘materialistic’ girl.
A few years ago, she met Fred. Fred was just about to conclude a post-graduate course. Fred was a dreamer. He hoped to build and run a successful business one day. He was completely disinterested in working for anyone. Deborah saw his passion and was drawn to it. She was his rock while they dated. Even though he didn’t have it all figured when he proposed, she agreed because she believed in him.

She believed that even though he was not where he should be in terms of finances, he would get there. She believed her patience and -for lack of a better word- investment will pay off someday. It sounded noble and like Deborah often repeated to me whenever I asked her why she would want someone who could offer her less than what she grew up with, “I am a good girl. Good girls don’t go after the money.

Things were perfect for a few months after their wedding. Sure, they struggled since they mostly had to depend on her income but it was okay. She had her man’s back.
Then a while later, resentment started to build. She found herself envying her friends’ marriages where the men took the reins financially and showered their women with gold and trinkets. She looked at her struggling husband and started to even doubt that he loved her. She once told me, “how would he say he love me but cannot buy me ordinary birthday present?” I said, “well, you never minded when you were dating.” “Yeah, but it’s been four years,” she said, her voice quiet.

To Deborah, hanging in there with her man had an expiration date. Underneath it all, she wanted the fancy things but she could not bring herself to admit it because she feared how others would interpret it. So she got into a marriage with someone who was struggling. She figured someday, she will get returns for all her ‘hard work.’

Maybe he will make it, maybe he wouldn’t. But one has to worry how badly the resentment would affect their marriage. Her man could begin to feel insecure. And even if he becomes a multi-trillionaire someday, there may be way too much damage done to their marriage to survive.

Then there is Olu, one of my husband’s closest friends. He could not wait to get married. He was nearing 35. Most of his friends were either married or close. He and his buddies would hang out and the subject of an ideal wife will come up. I was hanging out with the guys one day when they seriously bashed one of Olu’s ex-girlfriends for being unable to cook. ‘What was the point in her being a woman,’ they wanted to know.
So Olu continued on his quest for a great cook. And he found one in Dolapo. Dolapo was beautiful, respectful and brought it in the kitchen. His buddies patted him on his back. Olu had found the perfect woman, they thought.

One day, a year after they got married, Olu did not go home after work. He came over to our house and asked to speak to my husband. They both went out to a nearby bar to talk. They were out for hours and I knew it must be big.

It was nearly midnight when they both returned. I asked no questions while I set up the guest bedroom for Olu for the night.

After he left for home early the next morning, my husband revealed to me that his marriage was in trouble?

From what I gathered, while Dolapo, to everyone, was the perfect wife, she was not fulfilling the biggest need Olu had. There were complaints about how she would not upload his photo on her social media, she did not notice when he got a new haircut, clothes and so on. Even though she cooked his meals, took care of his home, was respectful and mostly minded her business, Olu did not believe she loved him because she never held his hand in public or gave him random words of admiration and affection. Whenever he tried to bring it up, she shrugged it off. She grew up with a certain idea of what it meant to be a wife and as long as she did all she had learnt, then Olu had no reason to complain.

In fact, the night Olu spent at our home, he sent her a simple text message saying he was okay but was not coming home. She replied with ‘ok.’ No questions asked, no suspicions or query. Olu showed my husband the text as proof that his wife did not care.
“I would pay someone to cook the meals and clean my house if that meant I have a wife who gives a damn,” I was told he said at one point.

These are two people who were sure they knew what they wanted oblivious of the fact that they were subconsciously letting other people’s opinion make the decision for them.

So, again, do you know what you really want in a partner or do you want what you have been conditioned to want? Have you subconsciously allowed society, your friends, the media tell you what you should want?

The choice of who you spend the rest of your life with is one of the most important choices you will make. Stand in your own truth. Want what you want. No apologies.

If for instance, you want financial stability, then find that. Do not settle for less unless you know for a fact that if he never reaches that goal of big mansions and expensive cars, you will still be perfectly okay. A man is not a business investment. Stop listening to those that say, “hang in there, he will make it someday.” This puts a clock on your marriage and pressure on your partner. This ruins you before you even begin.

If emotional and physical connection is more important to you than a woman who makes the best meals, then be true to you. Because at the end of the day, it’s you and your partner in that room, figuring out your marriage, reaping its benefits or wallowing in disappointment.
This is one decision no one can make for you. There are no perfect traits. Find what works for you and stick with it
Do you know what YOU want in a partner? If you have no idea, you shouldn’t be getting married.


Mina is the writer alter-ego of a very introverted woman filled with dreams of changing the world. She is a wife, mother and cupcake lover.
She can be reached via Email: Minamartins13@yahoo.com

Source: Bellanaija

Being beautiful is undoubtedly important, but it isn’t everything. A girl who is not so good-looking still can have many guys falling for her. The secret to attracting guys is not just being beautiful, as it definitely requires more than that.

The following traits make women desirable in the eyes of men:

  1. Your dress sense

Boys love women who are well-groomed, so take advantage of this. Girls often are confused about what to wear on their date so that their guy won’t be able to resist praising them. Wear something that is tasteful and looks great on you whenever he is around. A girl with a good dress sense knows how to look beautiful, as well as casual.

The common belief that whoever loves you won’t judge you is not true always. Wouldn’t you feel disappointed if your guy dressed in an untidy manner?

2. A tempting fragrance

Let your fragrance work for you when you say goodbye to him with a hug. Guys love it when their girl smells great. Spray the perfume on your wrists, around the neck, behind the ears and under the collarbone to ensure your fragrance lasts.

You can wear different fragrances on different occasions. Buy a variety of perfumes and see which works best for you. Luckily, you don’t have to step outside your home to buy them. With several fragrance e-stores available, you can grab great online deals on perfumes. Purchase an invigorating perfume and make it hard for your crush to resist the attraction.

3. High emotional IQ (EQ)

Being a girl, it is often expected that you will have deep emotions. That doesn’t at all mean that you fill your eyes with tears every time you hear a sad story, though. A woman with a high emotional IQ (also known as EQ) can encourage and inspire her man whenever he needs motivation. She will say the right things at the right time, instead of creating unnecessary drama.

4. Smile a lot (of course, not unnecessarily)

Guys go crazy for a girl’s smile. Your smile should be genuine and sweet. Don’t force a smile- otherwise, your guy may think of you as a freak. Also, when you are with him, give him all your attention and laugh at his jokes. Show him that you are happy with him. He will do the rest.

5. Debate with him and don’t lose it

An attractive, vacuous girl will be interesting only for a few hours. Most men want a girl who possesses knowledge of world affairs and can debate with them logically. Genuine guys actually love it when you show them that you have a high IQ.”

6. Don’t be judgmental

If you don’t like something about your crush, you can share your honest opinion with him. At the same time, don’t insult him for it and don’t make an issue of it. Having an opinion is good but being rude or negative about it is not appreciated.

7. Don’t show him that you are all his

Even if you want him very much, let him work hard for it. Don’t try too hard to please your guy, because otherwise he will take you for granted. Spend time with him and make sure that he starts liking you too before you express your love for him. Knowing how to make a guy chase you works wonders in your favor.

8. You should be passionate about something

Having a hobby and being passionate about it impresses guys. Girls with hobbies such as surfing, golfing, and driving really make men crazy for them. The common belief that says ‘men cultivate hobbies, women cultivate relationships’ is not true anymore.

9. Be kind to others

Needless to say, this is very important. Talk politely to everyone and be warm to others. This is important not just for impressing your guy, but also for the sake of humanity.

Source: Lifehack.org

I just wanted to share my opinion on the subject matter. Hopefully, people can see reasons as to why I think this way.

Personally, I do not believe that anyone “should” pamper or spend on anyone. What I mean is that it is NOT a responsibility or an obligation that someone has to “fulfill”.

Therefore, I believe that these “should” mindsets are also responsible for a good number of unnecessary issues in relationships… men “should” do this, women “should” do that, it is a man who is “supposed” to do this or women are not “supposed” to do this, and so on.

It is silly to me… nonsense, in my opinion.

And NO, I’m not talking about gender roles in nature. No! I am talking about these things we call “culture” in this part of the world, that people use as excuses to cover up their selfishness or pride.

All of the women I’ve had relations with in the past, did not think that way, thankfully. I mean, they did not think that as the man, I “should” spend on them or that I was “supposed” to be the one pampering, and so on. And yes, they were ALL Nigerians!

Well, there was one (the Devil Woman) who thought I was “supposed” to do a loooong list of things lol.

In the other relationships however, we both pampered each other, and spent on each other. But we did so because we WANTED to… not because we were obligated to, not because we “should” or were “supposed” to.

We take each other out without the other having to ask, at random and on occasions. We gift each other things at random and on occasion, not because it is required, but because we want to. We pampered and spent on each other as we were capable and able to… NOT because it was a “requirement”. We give because we want to.

I am grateful that I am able give. I give when I can, as often as I can. My former roommate once said that I have the gift of gift giving, or something like that.

But I don’t give gifts because I am “supposed” to, or because as a man I “should” give gifts. I do because I love them and so I want to make them happy. It never mattered who gave or didn’t give, or how often the gift, money or pampering was give. We did not care about all that at all.

If you love someone, you will pamper and spend on them BECAUSE you love them… NOT because you are a man and men “should” gift more, or women “should” receive more, or whatever.
If you claim to love someone, but refuse to pamper or spend on them because it is NOT your “responsibility” as a woman, then I think that maybe you are just being selfish.

Because I don’t see why you would have the capability to pamper your man (once in a while like Helium suggested) and then you will fold your hands and say “Mba! Not me! He’s the man in the relationship. He’s the one who should pamper me.” Mbiko, why?
If you hold back from doing these things that you actually can, and you choose not to, simply because it’s your partner who “should” do those things… then I think you are probably being selfish.

If your excuse is that your partner will feel you’re desperate or that you’re throwing yourself at them… then I think you’re in the wrong relationship. I’m sorry!

If your excuse is that your partner will take your spending and pampering for granted, or that they will take advantage of it then… then I think you are probably in the wrong relationship! You better find your way out of that relationship while you can!

I mean, why would you want to be in a serious relationship with someone who will take you for granted (or take advantage of you), for ANY reason whatsoever? If that’s the kind of partner you desire, then by every means… don’t pamper them, so that they won’t take advantage or take you for granted. Because the “right” person for you is not one who will take you for granted, whether you pamper them or not, whether you throw yourself at them or not, whether you spend on them or not.

I often say that… if one “has” to get a second job, just to be in a relationship with you, then something is NOT right. If being your boyfriend means I need a second source of income, then something is NOT right.

So I don’t think anyone “should”. Do you love them or do you not? Because that’s what all this boils down to… it’s either you love them or you don’t!

Read my definition of love again (attached below), and there you will find the simple answer to whether or not who “should” do this or that.

I welcome your comments.

By: Okiemute Omuta

Copied from his Facebook Page.

So I’m going to tell you a little story about a friend of mine called Pomi. She is actually the only crazy friend I have, the Ying to my Yang, my other mischievous half. Lol.

So she met this guy recently…actually they’ve known each other for a bit over two or three years. But didn’t get very close until recently. Clearly there was some clear flirt vibes going on because he always invited her to his apartment, they went out a few times together, checked on each other a lot, spent nights in each others apartment…oh did I mention they stayed in the same compound? Yes they did. So one day, he drops this bomb: “I’m really not interested in a relationship right now.” WTH?

Now you know for a fact there was sexy energy between the two of them no doubt. But what really happened? I still ask myself that question every time I think about how fast the relationship came crashing down in just a month.

What happened? What exactly was the plan here because left to me, he was just playing games with Pomi. So I really thought about it long and hard and I came to these conclusions you are about to read below and only one of those is the truth.

When a man tells you he’s not interested in a relationship, it might really be true, but it might not. He might be playing one of 5 “cards” here…

* The Pity Card

He’s telling you he’s not interested, just broke up, etc., because he hopes to get some tasty-sweet woman-sympathy. It’s an attention thing. Trust me.

Playing this card might even get him some “poor brokenhearted baby” sex. Which could develop into regular bootie calls.

WARNING. You probably already know that women tend to hope that bootie calls will turn into a deeper relationship. Men don’t. So just let him be. Leave him alone.

*The “Screening for Bootie Calls” Card

This one is a version of the truth. He’s not interested in a “relationship,” but he is interested in sex. Just go back to the above warning.

* The “I’m in Control” Card

He tells you this in case he might want to date you.You’ve backed off, so now he gets to call all the shots if he decides he wants to.

* The “Easy Exit” Card

Once he’s told you he’s not interested, he can freely make a play for you, and you’re all off-balance. He’s definitely now in control. So if you date for a while or even sleep together, and then he decides he’s ready to move on, he has a ready-made exit excuse. He can quickly and easily put all the responsibility for “misunderstanding” on you. For example, “Hey,” he can casually say, “I told you I wasn’t interested in a relationship.”

*The Truth

Yes, some guys say it because it’s true and some guys say it because it’s true, then change their minds and decide to date. So how do you respond to his “I’m not interested” speech? Simple, take him at his word. Assume he’s telling the gospel truth, and leave him alone. This means you move forward with your life, immediately. Date other men and don’t put your universe on hold in hopes that something might develop with this guy. Don’t behave like his girlfriend or his bootie call. Be clear that if he’s interested in dating you, then your outings have to be actual dates, not “let’s watch a movie at my place then have sex” or “I need to fill some social gaps” or “you’re the only one available, so why not.”

You’re worth so much more than that. Okay?

To your happiness. Cheers.

Source: Guardian