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In Inspiration February 28, 2023 By Esther Ijewere

13 Situations You Should Never Say Yes To If You Want to Be Happy

Do you want to be happy? Like really happy, I mean innate happiness that gives you inner peace?

Most people do! But what do you do when that happiness eludes you? If that’s the case, it’s time to take a close look at your life and how you conduct it.

Often, we put ourselves in damaging situations without realizing the harm that they cause. Being aware of these patterns can stop them in their tracks. I can share this conveniently because for some funny reason I always find myself in some of these situations, but I am aware the lot of it could apply to others as well

Here are 13 situations you should never say yes to if you want to be happy.

1. Feel Lonely When You are Alone

While there are things best done by your lonesome, it’s hard to get some positive thinking going when you allow yourself to actually feel lonely while you’re alone. Here are some things that bring happiness if you may be alone or away from friends

-Playing online multiplayer games, solitaire, etc.

-Reflect on your place in life, where you want to be and what it takes to get there.

-Watching movies where booing the characters is encouraged.

2. Comparisons

The human want and need to compare ourselves with others is something as old as time itself, although there is nothing positive to be gained from it. There is no point in chasing after a life we don’t have, all the while ignoring what we do have. Consider instead doing the following things when you feel jealousy:

-Turn off social media for the day.

-Control your content feed. Don’t fill it with things that will cause you jealousy.

-Indulge in the things that make you happy, with no regard for how “good” or “productive” it is.

-quotes to be happy

3. Exes Calling you back cannot make you happy

The relationship had ended for a good reason. Leave it there for the sake of your mental health, and move on towards more positive things instead:

-Do some self-introspection. What lessons about yourself did that relationship teach you? What else can you do better next time?

-Hang out with your friends. Have them support you in this emotionally distressing time, and let them distract you.

-Acknowledge the bad, but also celebrate the good that came from it. Positive thinking doesn’t have to be one done through rose-tinted glasses – it’s essential to recognize and appreciate both the good and the bad in any relationship.

4. Working for jobs you hate

The term ‘burnout’ exists for a reason – if we don’t get that much-needed rest, it starts having dire consequences on our emotional, mental, and physical health.

Medically, this should come as no surprise – just the single, independent factor of working overtime increases the risk of coronary heart disease. So – just what should you do for the sake of your health?

-Consider leaving your job, or switching to a different position within the company if that isn’t possible.

-Take a look at The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor – the principles in it are an excellent place to start.

-Identify what the individual elements about your job that is contributing to your stress are. Perhaps you can deal with them on a case-by-case basis to make it manageable.

5. Sitting for Too Long

Since physical health is related to mental and emotional health, this might be something you’d want to look into. Studies have shown that sitting down for too long can negatively affect your cardiovascular health – no matter how much exercise you do. Sadly, with the whole #Covid19 situation, It is possible to find yourself siting at a spot for a longtime, since there is an enforced stay at home to contain the virus.

So instead of lounging on a sofa or hunching over your keyboard, why not consider the following?

-Invest in a standing desk. A motor-controlled one can raise and lower the height, depending on whether you need to stand or sit for something.

-Watch your favorite shows while walking on a treadmill, If you don’t have one , just walk around while watching the movie, Better health and good entertainment equal a positive net bonus!

6. Drama and Gossip Inhibit Happy Feelings

There’s no point in being nosy about someone else’s circumstances and behavior – especially if it has nothing to do with you. Instead, it’s best to just focus on your own lives, and what is immediately relevant to you. Here are some reasons why:

-Improving your personal experience is something that should take up all of your focus.

-Engaging in drama and gossip about someone else’s lives only serves to add more stress and distraction.

-Do unto others what you would want others to do unto you. If you would hate to be on the receiving end of that kind of unwanted attention, then why would you inflict it on others?

7. Worrying too much

Just what has worry ever brought us aside from fear and anxiety? While some may argue positive thinking in these times is naïve and simple-minded, the fact is that nothing good can be gained from worrying. So – what can you do instead?

-Enjoy every moment as it comes into your life.

-Be productive, make something tangible with your hands as some kind of progress.

-Narrow your focus towards things you can directly handle and have control over.

8. Idleness

It’s so easy to try squeezing in one more episode of your favorite Netflix show before getting started on work or hitting that snooze alarm for another five more minutes. This all inevitably ends up in stress and frustration when we realize too late that we’re now out of time.

-Chip away at it. If you can’t get started properly, just pen down some notes first.

-Happy people do not procrastinate. Start when you should.

-Talk to someone about it. Sometimes you just need someone to organize it for you.

9. Settling

At some point, it can be incredibly easy to just settle for “good enough.” This can apply to just about anything – career, friendships, and relationships. It’s one thing to be comfortable, but it’s another to settle for complacency and bare minimum. If you find yourself getting bored, consider the following points:

-Sign the both of you up for some sort of adventurous trip, or a simple pottery class.

-Talk to your friend. Maybe there’s something between you both that’s been making it hard for you both to bond closer.

-Aim for a better job or career – there’s no point in staying in a poor job.

10. Hurrying

It’s tempting to rush forward and to prove to yourself that you’re capable of keeping up with the pack. This, however, is detrimental to your happiness. Here are a few ways to steal back a few more precious minutes:

-Prioritize things that are important first.

-Manage your time efficiently.

-Don’t pressure yourself – you don’t need to rush.

-Understand that you can’t do everything you want in one go, and that’s okay.

11. Spending Time with Toxic People

It only makes sense that surrounding ourselves with toxic, negative people will only serve to worsen our moods and mental states. Just how can you improve yourself and find a better life’s purpose if you’re continually being sabotaged at every corner?

The best way to be happy is to avoid such a scenario. Here are some tips:

-Avoid people who belittle you. It’s hard to keep a positive outlook when they’re always talking down your goals and dreams.

-Look out for people who bring joy and happiness into your life and drop anyone who doesn’t.

-Cut out people who don’t know the difference between crushing you and giving you constructive criticism.

12. Blame

Nobody likes to be in the wrong. It’s a horrible feeling and one that we naturally try to avoid. This often means that our first reaction to trouble is to blame someone else, so we don’t have to deal with the consequences.

In reality, this actually can make things worse. Yes, it’s unpleasant, but there are benefits to be gained from taking responsibility for your actions:

-Taking responsibility also means taking control of the situation and yourself.

-You create an opportunity for you to learn from the problem.

-You forge your sense of self and your capabilities through the process of resolving the issue.

-You’ll learn to develop a sense of courage, and as you overcome the problem.

13. Learning to say NO

Many of us have been raised with this mindset that unless there is something that makes fulfilling the request impossible, we should always say ‘yes’ to it. In our minds, to refuse would be to hurt somehow or disappoint them.

In reality, learning how to say no is an important skill. Here are some reasons why:

-You establish healthy emotional boundaries. This isn’t just good for you – it’s also great for others, as they know where your clear boundaries lie.

-You give yourself time to do things you want to do. You don’t need an excuse to reserve your limited time and energy for things and people that are important to you.

-You’ll learn how to stand up for yourself.

My final thoughts

Being happy can be difficult. The journey to happiness is often fraught with other more negative emotions. But by choosing the situations you allow yourself to be a part of, you can move more quickly along the rocky road that leads to that happiness.

Remember it is okay to take this one step at a time, if perhaps you are guilty of all.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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In self development July 27, 2020 By Editor

6 Relationship Questions You Should Ask Before Commitment

Many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before commitment and marriage, so they end up becoming strangers to each other and later find themselves at the centre of a hot-headed dispute with regrets and consequences. However, this can be avoided, if the following questions are asked:

What do we truly want in a relationship?

Not what someone else (family, friends or society) thinks it should be but what you both want in a relationship. You will be living together 24-hours per day and 7 days per week for the rest of your lives and blending your life with another is very crucial. Is it only love, fun, affection, sexual satisfaction, shared responsibilities, open mindedness, support for each other’s goals?

What are you unwilling to accept and tolerate?

This is an important question with an endless list that includes: abuse, addiction, control, emotional manipulation, co-dependent tendencies, financial irresponsibility, self-centeredness, lying, infidelity, laziness, etc. The erroneous belief that love is enough to sustain and tolerate these isn’t always the case afterwards. Talking about this before commitment will help to prevent conflict eventually.

How will we handle money?

This is a major cause of conflict among couples. Will you both operate joint accounts? Attitudes on spending and saving? This is an issue that often leads to divorce if couples don’t handle their views on spending and savings in a collaborative way. Discuss many specifics about money before commitment in order to avoid a potential split and daily arguments.

How many children do we prefer to have?

It is unsafe to assume that your partner feels the same way as you do regarding having children without both of you discussing it. Questions regarding sex of the children, number of children, addressing fertility issues in case it arises, adoption, infertility treatments are important. Ensure you both have similar perspective on this crucial topic before commitment in order to prevent separation later in life.

How involved can our in-laws and extended family be in our lives?

It is crucial to draw clear boundaries of your parents’ or extended family’s interference into your lives. Ensure there is clarity on what you will both accept and what you will not accept. However, consider that here in Nigeria, when you marry someone, you also enter into a relationship with their family and loved ones too.

Would we share domestic duties?

Although, women still bear more domestic responsibility than men, but many women prefer house chores are to be shared between a couple. Endeavour to ask this important question, if you are to have a fifty-fifty split when it comes to cleaning, cooking, washing the dirty clothes, bathing the children, etc. These lifestyle factors can determine how frequently you will argue. Sort these issues out before commitment!

Do you feel comfortable discussing sex, passion and our intimate life?

Are you both completely satisfied with your sex drive? Is there anything either party wants but isn’t getting? Your sex life won’t always be easy and intensely passionate eventually. Often times, several couples do have a relationship or sexual issue at some point. However, proper communication will help to prevent this problem from escalating and adequately help a couple to resolve it. Sexual in-satisfaction usually leads to masturbation, infidelity, and eventually divorce if not managed properly.

So, before commitment, you should ask each other these salient questions above and endeavour to have clear answers, convictions in order to have a happy and long lasting marriage.

Source: Guardian.ng

In self development January 3, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

7 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T GIVE UP

I just can’t do it anymore!” ,

“I am tired of life”

We have all said it at least once in our life, at least I have, but before you throw in the towel and give up totally why don’t I encourage you huh? You need to tell yourself these 8 things to give yourself the last ounce of motivation you need to accomplish the impossible:

1. Take a break

Oh dear Lord, I do this all the time, I did last week as a matter of fact. I was overwhelmed with everyhting around me, so I deleted my Facebook and removed my account from my multi-Instagram account for my sanity. Here is what you can also try; Get up, stretch and take a brief walk. Even taking a few minutes away from a stressful situation can help you come back with a fresh mind and determination to tackle your difficult task.

2. I’m doing this for a reason

Remember why you started. Maybe you picked up a second job to provide for your family. No matter the task, remind yourself why you need to follow through. Remembering the purpose behind your daunting load can give you the motivation to carry on. Keep a “Grateful Journal” too, it helps you appreciate your journey.

3. Ask for help

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of humility. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when needed, especially from your friends or Inner circe. The people who love you want to help you any way they can.

4. Gratitude

List at least five things you’re grateful for, starting with life itself. It can be tough to come up with things you’re thankful for when you feel like the world is crumbling, but take a moment to focus on the good in your life.

5. Let go of Negativity!

Give up things that are holding you back – negative thoughts about yourself, frustration, worry or whatever else. You will find it’s easier to focus when worrisome thoughts are pushed out of your mind.

6. Yes I can !

Whatever your challenge may be, you’ve got this. You’ve done hard things before and you can do it again. Assume your Wonder Woman pose and conquer your responsibilities like the super hero you are.

7. Focus on one thing at a Time

Break your large project into smaller tasks to make it easier to accomplish. For example, if your goal is to have a clean home, focus on one room at a time. Looking at the project as a whole can be overwhelming and leave you stressed and unmotivated to continue. Tackle one thing at a time, and you’ll be surprised at how much you can accomplish.

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Esther Ijewere

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In self development January 2, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

4 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A PEOPLE PLEASER

Do you find it hard to say No?

Do you obsess about what others think of you?

Do you seek validation for everything and from everyone?

Do you feel sad when you disappoint others even at the detriment of your mental health?

If you say yes to all of these, you are likely a chronic people pleaser and this article is just for you.

Incase you ask how I know these things, It’s because I was a people pleaser (Still recovery though lol) for the longest time till I worked on myself and focused on the rule of “Self before others”.

Here are 3 common signs of chronic people-pleasing and some ways to overcome it:

1. You’re Incapable of Saying No

Do you find it painfully hard to turn down the requests of family, friends, and even acquaintances or strangers? You really want to say no, but instead, you say yes to their various demands.

Before you know it, you’ve become the go-to person when something needs to get done. From the small to the large, you take on every task. You may even be considered a hero to some.

On the inside, you’re suffering. You genuinely want to help others, but you also know that you are depleting your own resources with every “yes.” You may fear that you’ll lose your friendships and good reputation by saying no. After all, last thing you want to be called is selfish.

Solution

First, realize that your capacity to care for others and your capacity to care for yourself are not mutually exclusive. In fact, the two are intimately related.

Second, understand that you are not responsible for the happiness of those around you. They are. Let these two realities give you permission to say no. Start practicing with small requests. Refuse kindly, and without apology.

2. You feel sad When You Discover Someone Doesn’t like You

This is a hard one. It seems reasonable to assume that if you go out of your way to please everyone, then everyone will like you. But it’s not true. Some people will dislike you simply because of who you are or for reasons outside of your control. You understand this intellectually, but you cannot stop trying to win the few holdouts.

Solution

Closely examine your desire to be liked by everyone. Did this originate in your childhood, as you tried to win the affections of family members or friends at school? Use tools such as reflection, meditation, and counseling to help you let go of past negative experiences.

As social beings, we need to be loved and accepted – but not by everyone. Decide whose love and affection is worth the effort and whose is not.

3. You’re Unaware of How Far You’re Willing to Go – Until You’re in over Your Head

This is a sure sign that you lack proper boundaries like my old self . You avoid setting limits because you believe this runs counter to having a generous spirit. But this simply allows people greater latitude to intrude into your life. The requests may become more and more unreasonable and you may not realize it until someone has crossed the line.

If you’ve taken on too much, you may experience passive aggressive behavior, crying for no apparent reason, anxiety, or depression.

Solution

Be willing to admit that your time and energy are limited, not because you’re selfish, but because it’s the truth. Boundaries are simply a recognition of that truth. Do not be afraid to set your boundaries and enforce them. It will take a while for you and others to get used to it, but you’ll experience an increased sense of well-being, and people will learn to accept your limits.

4. You Avoid Making Decisions or Sharing Your Opinions

Do you have a hard time voicing your opinions and feelings in a group setting or with close friends? Do you constantly allow others to make decisions for you? Oh dear, this was me for many years, oops!

Over time, this behavior is deadly, because as you defer to the opinions and decisions of others, you are silencing your own voice. This will rob the world of your unique perspectives and gifts.

Solution

Remember that you can disagree without being disagreeable. People can have diverse opinions and still treat each other with respect and kindness. So give voice to your thoughts, concerns, and needs.

Also, If you sometimes feel resentful towards others and you don’t know why….

This often happens when we suppress our feelings and needs over the long term.

Do you feel unexplained anger toward your close friends, spouse, or boss? The anger is your subconscious telling you that you have been neglecting yourself while helping others advance their goals. Think of this resentment as the “check engine” light turning on in your car. Don’t ignore it.

Solution

Face the truth of what is going on in your life. If you’re feeling overextended or taken advantage of, acknowledge these feelings. Avoid second-guessing yourself. Find time for self care, and make this a priority.

By Esther Ijewere

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