motherhood

In self development October 22, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

MY BIRTH STORY: I GAVE BIRTH IN A CAR – KATHERINE NEWMAN

I was as prepared as I could be for my body to run the marathon that is childbirth, yet it turned out to be more like a sprint.

You see, I gave birth in a car—and I felt invincible.

During pregnancy, I chose to create a positive experience. I sought all the research I could. I watched birth videos and documentaries, read birth stories, learned about the stages of labor, recorded coping techniques, drank red raspberry leaf tea, and ate all the dates. I sought care, prepared my cookies and teas, gathered breastfeeding cream, a pump, and belly bind. I folded baby’s diapers and clothes, praying for those important first weeks.

Perhaps the most important thing I did was to join a due date group with like-minded mamas to learn and grow with, and to share all the information, research and tips we could.

Much of my preparation was mental and spiritual prep-work. I read tons of books about birth, including faith-based books about labor, a practical guide to an “emergency” birth, and a natural pregnancy and childbirth guidebook. (And yes, I did end up using knowledge of each of these resources!)

Each of my two births were very different. With my first child’s birth, I did not know much about birth or my options. My water broke at the onset of labor and I labored grudgingly in the one hour car ride to the hospital. Once there, I begged for an epidural.

This time around, though, I approached labor differently.

I chose to experience unmedicated labor, even though it isn’t an easily understood decision. There were so many unsolicited opinions from people about what I should do with my body, and it was hard to not feel bombarded with all of the negative talk surrounding birth. But by having the support of the due date group and learning the wisdom that has been passed down in generations about childbirth, I wasn’t deterred in my decision.

I knew that I needed to focus on not being overtaken by the potential overwhelm of birth. I remembered that I had a right to informed consent and that I could find kind of positive help I needed to give birth the way I knew I needed to. I chose to memorize biblical and positive affirmations to recite during birth to help calm myself through the contractions, and focus on what’s at hand, rather than panic.

Labor began

The day my son came, I woke up before the sun at 4am and headed for the bathroom. I felt nauseous and achy like I was going to throw up and have diarrhea all at once. It was a very distinct, disgusting feeling throughout my body. Yet even with that feeling, I was in denial that labor was really starting.

My water was intact, and I was expecting my water to break at the onset of labor, as it did with my first. I was having some contractions, although extremely erratic. They were not consistent with clockwork, but they didn’t stop, either. I would have a contraction that lasted five seconds, then a break for 20 minutes. Another contraction, this time for 20 seconds, and a break for seven minutes. I tried using an app to track and time the contractions for a bit, but ultimately that proved to cause more anxiety than peace.

So I turned the app off, and focused on being present. I was so calm. I let the contractions come and go. My family didn’t even know I was in labor until they woke up with the sunrise! (I didn’t want to wake everyone up—silly me, being in active labor!)

I was grateful to labor on my own in a quiet house in the early pre-dawn hours before the house and outside world woke up. I kept my composure, breathed through contractions, read and prayed, and let the birth process happen on its own.

When the contractions did not stop, I realized this was the real thing.

Once everyone was awake, I realized that I should probably be doing more to prepare, like get to help! We haphazardly packed a bag and rushed out the door to drive an hour to the place chosen to have our baby. I was not excited for that long car ride. I remember laboring in the car before, and it was miserable for me. I also knew how quick my past labor had been, and had this deep feeling, perhaps a mother’s intuition, that we wouldn’t make it to our destination in time.

I knew that this labor was progressing very quickly, and the baby was going to be born soon. Yet we went.

Giving birth in the car

My family got into the car and we drove, planning to meet more family at the hospital to take over the care of our toddler for a few days.

I labored in the car for 40 minutes until the ring of fire came. I knew what this meant: He was crowning, and we had to park. I tried to get into the best squat position I could, facing the seat, relieved that the car had stopped at this point. I repeated my affirmations over and over, and tried to focus on staying as calm as possible.

And he was born in the car, in the back of a small town grocery parking lot.

My baby was 6 pounds and 6 ounces, born at 9:15 in the morning, as I was facing the seat backward and squatting in the passenger seat of the car.

I didn’t really push. A combination of by body’s contractions and gravity seemed to do all the work. I was squatting upright, and the baby to just sort of plopped out. Head first into the car seat, with my hand to guide his head down, and a bit of the cord and fluids followed.

I attempted to squat fairly awkwardly in the seat to hold my fresh son and rub the vernix into his sweet skin. We were in love, and I felt invincible. I immediately felt relief of all the pain and tension. The rush of oxytocin and hormones from birth made me feel on top of the world. (In that moment, I almost forgot that my toddler was in the backseat watching, eyes wide open—he was so quiet!)

The ambulance was called, we were checked out, and all was well. I waddled to the ambulance while the EMTs held towels around me and baby. They needed to take me to the hospital to make sure we were okay. I sat in the back of the ambulance stroking my baby, relieved to have more space to stretch out.

At the hospital, we sat in a room for a while until they figured out what to do with us, since the baby was already here. We stayed overnight and I reflected on the birth as I could.

Reflecting on my car birth

In some ways, I was sad. This is not what I wanted first moments with my son to be like. Although I was prepared for birth and felt incredible afterward, I felt sort of exposed to the world during the process. My body was depleted—and ultimately, my baby was born in the car (not exactly something that was on my bucket list).

I felt grief for the way (or rather, place) that my labor happened. But I was also thankful for a powerful, unmedicated birth. I grieved the loss of expectations, while being thankful for the reality. And that’s okay.

I did it. We did it. This birth was a sprint, not the marathon so many women talk about.

Nothing about my labor and contractions were predictable. I did not have much knowledge about birth before I was pregnant, but the preparation during my pregnancy helped me feel more at ease. Despite the situation, I didn’t feel that it was challenging. I felt able, or at least as able or prepared as any mother can be, for labor.

The feeling of being in labor is indescribable—the juxtaposition between pregnancy and postpartum, the time in labor where you are in the hyphen of here and there, a time that forever changes your life and family.

It was truly vulnerable and powerful—an unusual presence of two feelings that left me over-the-moon. As soon as my son was born, the feeling of pain was gone, just like that. And in its place was exhilaration; a rush of adrenaline and awe. I did it completely on my own, in the front passenger seat of the car!

Our bodies are absolute miracles. I grew into a mother of two that day, and with that, my new mission was born: to help other mothers learn and experience the feeling of being empowered by your birth and labor, not in fear of it. I decided to become a birth and postpartum doula, to empower, coach and be alongside other mothers in their own journey in birth and motherhood.

Source: Mother

In self development September 24, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

10 WAYS TO BE A HAPPIER MOM

When your baby is catapulted into the world, you can’t help but feel joy. You echo the words of Leah in Genesis 30:13, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” But those first moments of bliss are quickly tried by crying infants, sleep deprivation, and all sorts of challenges.

According to a Barna study, eight in ten moms feel overwhelmed by stress. Only nineteen percent of moms report being extremely satisfied as a mom. You know if you hang your happiness on your children’s behavior, you may have to wait a while before you can break into a wide grin.

But there is good news. If you can tap into the joy that comes from obeying Christ and being in his presence, you can be a happier mom no matter what is happening. Happiness (pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness) is actually something you can increase in your life by your thoughts and actions. Here are ten ways to help you be a happier mom:

1. Discipline With Action, Not Tone

You’ve probably yelled this before: “How many times do I have to tell you…” Most likely, you were the one at your wits end while your child was unmoved. Instead of using long explanations or threatening tones, use actions and consequences that will stop your child in his/her tracks. For instance, when my daughter dawdled at breakfast (again), we simply took the food away and served it for lunch. No fanfare or emotion necessary.

2. Drop the Guilt

Don’t fall prey to the victim mentality that makes you feel like a loser all the time. Notice your negative self-talk and seek to turn your bad guilt into good guilt. Bad guilt says “I’m no good” but good guilt says “I did something wrong and I need to fix it.” Focus on the things you can fix and stop expecting perfection from yourself. Failure is an event; not a person.

3. Do Less for Your Kids

Are you still packing lunches for your sixth grader? It’s time to stop. Don’t do for your children the things they can do for themselves. Whether it’s tying shoelaces, homework, or washing dishes, we need to give our kids increased responsibilities as they get older. It will not only make you saner as a mom, it will prepare your children well for independence and adulthood.

4. Pray with Other Moms

The Lord God Almighty stands ready to hear and answer your requests for your children. Make prayer a regular part of your mom life. To add accountability and power, invite another mom to pray with you weekly for your children. You can visit www.MomsinPrayer.org to see if there is a group of moms praying for your child’s school.

5. Focus on the Yes

Motherhood can feel like a big NO. “No, don’t touch that.” “No, I can’t go. I have to watch my kids.” Instead of putting the emphasis on no, find places to emphasize the yes in motherhood like, “Yes, let’s have some fun.” “Yes, let’s do that service project as a family.” “Yes, let’s save up for a family vacation.”

6. Listen to Your Body

Remember what you hear over and over on flights? In case of emergency, place your own oxygen mask on first, and then help your children. We often sacrifice our health because we’re busy with our mom duties. Make sure you listen and respond to your body. Get a good night’s sleep, exercise regularly, and eat healthy foods that will act as fuel.

7. Streamline Your Family Activities

Is your schedule running you ragged? Do you regret saying yes to soccer, baseball, piano, and gymnastics? At your next opportunity, choose less. Perhaps have your children do the same activity to lessen your drive time.

8. Have a Game Plan for Screen Time

The average child age 8-18 spends more than seven hours per day looking at screens. If you don’t have a game plan, it’s just too easy for free time to get gobbled up by mindless screen time. Use technology to bring you together as a family with activities like Friday night movie night and Skyping family members.

9. Seek a Mentor

If you want to learn how to cook, you learn from a cook. In the same way, if you want to learn to be a happier mom, you find a happy mom. Take this mom out to coffee and ask her to share her secrets. It’s extremely helpful to have a trusted advisor who can pray with you and answer questions about what’s happening with your kids.

10. Remember Your Blessing

In the day to day race of motherhood, we can forget how fortunate we are to have kids in the first place. Psalm 113:9 says, “He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children.” Imagine what your life would be like if your kids were taken away. Be grateful for your children each day.

Which of these ten ideas resonates with you the most?

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Family Life Today, The 700 Club and Turning Point with David Jeremiah. Arlene and her husband James live in San Diego with their three children. Visit Arlene’s website at www.ArlenePellicane.com.

In self development September 18, 2019 By Editor

RITA CHIDINMA: MY BABY WAS JUST 6 MONTHS OLD WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN!

I was sitting at the hospital, cradling my six-month-old son, trying to process the information I had just received. How could I be more than three months pregnant, and have a six-month-old baby? How? I mean, I was exclusively breastfeeding. We had just introduced my son to water and puree foods. How?

I couldn’t believe it. I don’t know for how long I sat on that hospital bench before I decided I was strong enough to leave. The tests had to be wrong. Surely. Nigerian hospitals, probably my blood sample had been mistaken for someone else’s. There had to be a mistake somewhere.

I was really pregnant.

So we had two boys, exactly eleven months and three weeks apart. Crazy, right? During those nine months I completely shut myself off from everything and everyone, ghosted, like the millennials call it. I couldn’t believe I was in such a situation. Needless to say that it was one of the most difficult periods of my life. I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I believed things would get better once we had the baby. I was borderline depressed.

Labour eventually came, and I almost didn’t survive the day. I was in so much pain, probably because my body was tired and had very little or no time at all to recover from the first birth.

On that bed I kept wondering how I got into that situation, and if I could ever get out. But we survived. My second son came, finally, and I thought it was all over. I could move on with my life. I’d never have another child. All I had to do was return back to my normal self and raise them. Sigh. Little did I know.

We were completely unprepared for the reality of having two babies that were twins, yet not twins. We had to employ a series of helps and nannies that initially came to help, but took advantage of the situation and began to make all kinds of demands. We had to endure, because, I mean, we actually were helpless. The hubby worked full time, and so had to be away most of the time. But he helped as much as he could. I was a corp member then, and had been given maternity leave, so I was home full time. I can vaguely recall one of the nannies telling the hubby, “You know this your wife likes to keep her face somehow.”

At a point, we found ourselves completely alone with two babies, two of them so similar and yet so different. Most nights, with my sleep-clogged eyes, I couldn’t tell which particular baby was crying until I got to their cribs. Suffice it to say that it was a very trying time for me.

So I’m thinking that it’s either exclusive breastfeeding is not a reliable means of contraception, or I’m one of the very few it has failed for. Either way, it was a very difficult experience, one I never wish to relive again. Oh, and the boys are all grown up now, with the second one well over two years old, with a few weeks old baby sister.

I guess it all worked out in the end.

Credit: Rita Chidinma, Bella Naija

In self development July 28, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

YETTY WILLIAMS: HOW PARENTS KILL THEIR CHILDREN’S CONFIDENCE

As parents or caregivers, we want our children to grow strong and healthy. We also want them to have healthy confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we may do things that actually hurt our children’s confidence and self-esteem instead of helping it.
Here are five ways parents can kill children’s confidence:

. Comparing them to others:
Instead of motivating your child to improve, comparisons will most likely make your child have low self-esteem. It is never a good idea to draw comparisons between siblings or those within their peer group. Children need to know that they are accepted and loved for who they are, not because they are better or not as “good” as another. You do not want them to feel like they have to act like someone else to get your approval.

. Always solving their problems for them:
Constantly solving a child’s problems or correcting their mistakes deprives them of a chance to learn, mature and develop self-confidence. This will ruin their chances of developing the skills and confidence required to navigate through life. When children solve their problems, even if they do not get it right, it is a great way to learn problem-solving skills.
Also, are you in the habit of speaking up for your child even when they are old enough to speak for themselves? This can make your child become withdrawn and lose confidence in their ability to speak for themselves. Allow your child to express themselves both in private and in public.

. Always shouting and nagging about their mistakes
Shouting at your children when helping them out with homework, or teaching them a skill can kill their confidence. As a parent, you have to be patient with your child. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child’s learning and growth process. At some point when you ask a question, they will be too scared to answer because of your shouting habit. Always correct them with care and make them feel that they can do it. But don’t over-pamper them. Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things. There is a great deal of value in recognizing when you make a mistake and then correcting it.

. Making fun of their physical differences:
Many parents want their kids to be physically and emotionally flawless. They often view their children’s physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. Some young children have become anorexic just to escape being called “fat” while others become obese to avoid being called “skinny winky.” Most often than not, namecalling affects children’s self-esteem. These days, teenage girls cannot wait to turn 18, so that they can go in for surgery.

Focus on building your child up and preaching positivity. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes.

. Living your life through them and planning their careers:
There are parents who plan their children’s lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond based on what they want for themselves. They believe that they are making their kids’ lives easier and less stressful. However, they are doing irreparable damage and making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. Many people are living their parents’ lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret.

It is okay to set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you’d like to see them go in, but let them have some independence. Support the choices they make and the lifestyles they want to live.

. Denying them your attention:
Children need and crave love and affection that only their parents can give. Not being there for your children creates “emotional neediness” in them. Some of these children crave and look for a “mother” and “father” figure in other people which could sometimes lead to abuse. Be intentional about spending time with your children. This might be difficult since we all live busy, stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents. However, give your children all your attention, some of the time! Whenever you have time to spend with your children, ensure that they have all your attention. The occasional hugs, kisses and “I love you” should also not be forgotten.

In self development July 19, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

SISTERS GIVE BIRTH ON THE SAME DAY IN THE SAME HOSPITAL, ON THEIR DAD’S 70TH BIRTHDAY

One day before the Fourth of July, a true Sister Act occurred for two sisters in New York. The pair gave birth in the same hospital and on the same day, which also happened to be their father’s birthday. Oh, their daughters were also delivered by the same doctor.

Shari and Simone Cumberbatch knew their girls would be close in age, but they never thought they’d be hours apart.

Both were originally projected to give birth mid-July, however Simone and her doctor planned a C-section for July 3. She selected the date because it’s her father’s birthday. What the family didn’t plan was for her sister Shari to go into labor on the same day.

Shari’s unexpected labor actually delayed Simone’s scheduled C-section as the two shared the same doctor.

According to Good Morning America, Shari’s daughter, Hailey, was born at 12:57 p.m. and Simone’s daughter, Liberty, was born a few hours later at 5:30 p.m.

“They’re like twins… they’ll be close,” Shari said in an interview with CBS New York.

The babies’ grandfather received two gifts to celebrate his 70th birthday.

“I always used to say ‘what if, what if it happened,’ not knowing it would actually happen,” the newborns’ granddad Elmo Cumberbatch told CBS New York.

It’s probably safe to assume all future birthday parties will be planned out well in advance and will be held on the same day.

Congratulations to the Cumberbatch family!

Photo credit: Fox5NY

In self development February 28, 2019 By Editor

“I CAN’T HIDE WHAT GOD HAS DONE FOR ME”… SAYS WOMAN WHO GAVE BIRTH TO A SET OF TRIPLET AFTER 14 YEARS OF CHILDLESSNESS

For 14 years, Gospel artist Nancy Masara and her husband, Abel Mokaya were looking for children. But today their home peals of laughter from their one-and-a-half-year-old triplets.

Speaking to People’s Daily this week, Masara beams with joy as she looks at the playful triplets – Patience Mokaya, Esther Kemunto and Samuel Elias– running around the house.

To Masara and her husband, this is nothing short of a miracle.

“I sometimes look at the children and wonder whether they are really mine,” says Masara.

She recalls her struggle with childlessness, how she sought medical help from different hospitals and how at some point she avoided visiting their rural home in Riakuro, Nyamira county as a result of the open stigma and pressure that had begun to mount from relatives after clocking her fifth year in marriage without a child.

“I got married at 22 years and getting a child was never part of my concern. That is until I turned 30. I started visiting hospitals including herbal facilities to look for answers,” she says.

At the height of her desperation to get children, she advised her husband to marry another woman to fulfil his dream of becoming a father and save him the humiliation that comes with being childless. He rejected the offer.

“Deep in my heart, I had started giving up and I expected my husband to be cheating on me because all tests had shown that he was okay.

I had already allowed him although I would cry silently. I was surprised when he told me he was not ready to let me go. He repeatedly assured me he would be by my side forever. He even suggested that we adopt a child if God had not planned a biological child for us,” Masara says.

Years came and went and the couple traversed the country seeking solutions to her problem.

“The number of hospitals I visited in this country in search of a child are more than I can remember,” she says.

Her story changed when she bumped into a gynaecologist and fertility expert at Pandya Memorial Hospital in Mombasa who told her there was a 50-50 chance of becoming a mother.

The doctor then put her on medication and she would go for frequent check-ups to monitor the situation. December 2016 was the turning point of her life.

“I remember it was mid-morning when the doctor broke the most exciting news I have ever had in my life—that I had conceived… I was torn between crying and jumping in joy,” explained the mother of three a midst sobs and tears of joy.

The announcement would mark a new beginning full of hope, a complete departure from the trauma she has known in all her marriage life. But it came with financial strains.

“We would spend up to Sh20,000 per month just for antenatal clinic,” she says adding that her husband who works at a local clearing and forwarding agency was forced to borrow a Sh500,000 loan to enable them settle some of the growing hospital bills.

On July 7, 2017 she delivered triplets through Caesarean section (CS). They were delivered in a space of two minutes apart and were put under special care as they were born prematurely.

“The firstborn weighed 1.1 kilogrammes, the second born was 1.8 kilogrammes and third born was 1.7 kilogrammes,” she says.

The family, however, had to contend with a Sh2 million hospital bill after the children were discharged. But nothing could dampen their joy.

Taking to Facebook today, she shared a newspaper clippings of her interview with People’s Daily.

“In the sight of the lord I can’t hide my joy or what God has done to me, no challenge is permanent when God says yes no man can say no, maybe ure in situation where u feel like giving up, maybe u re asking God questions why he has not answered your prayers,maybe people re calling you names which u can’t understand, u have nowhere to hide your head don’t be tired or never give up the best place to be is at the feet of Jesus, no prayer can be answered in Jesus name, one day, time, sec God will take away your shame and pain in Jesus name. Thanks God for triple joy..”

Credit: LIB

In self development February 25, 2019 By Editor

ACTRESS, FOLUKE DARAMOLA OPENS UP ON HOW BEING RAPED AT A YOUNG AGE INFLUENCED HER ROLE AS A MOTHER

Few years ago, actress Foluke Daramola-Salako, revealed she was raped when she was much younger. In a new interview with Punch, the actress recounted how the experience made her become a better mother to her own daughter.

“I always enlighten my daughter about how some men can be when it comes to sex. Even when I am not around her, she always cautions men when they try to touch her in a way she is not comfortable with. She tells me when she feels harassed by a man. She is out of the country at the moment, and people always call me to ask me how I trained her.

“In my days as a young woman, I couldn’t discuss sex with my mum. Even till now, I still cannot do that because of the orientation I had as a young girl. If my daughter should get deflowered today, she will tell me because we are friends. I started discussing sex education with my daughter when she was six. I didn’t feel it was too early because she had a rapid growth.

“I was raped by my tenant because he thought I was older than my actual age. I am comfortable with my daughter being around men because I have educated her,” she said.

Foluke went on to say that the Federal government needs to enact a law whereby rapists are killed once convicted.

“I believe the government should pass a law against rape; rapists should be killed when they are caught. I don’t call myself a rape victim, but a rape victor. Rape victims become a shadow of themselves; they have no form of self-esteem, some of them even take their lives. When it happened to me, I thank God I had friends who helped me recover fast. “When I came out to say it, people were shocked, but I am happy that after my interview, people started coming out to talk about their experience. It has been happening; it is just that people don’t talk about it. An abuser is always a product of an abuse. I’ll advise parents to always pay attention to their children and listen to them,” she said

Credit: LIB

In self development January 25, 2019 By Editor

EZIAHA BOLAJI-OLOJO: TO THE DOMESTIC QUEEN WITHOUT DOMESTIC HELP

First of all, how do you like the name, Domestic Queen? I love it. I think it is an absolute upgrade from stay-at-home mom, which was a very welcome upgrade from housewife. Thank goodness.

Whatever name you prefer though, running the home is a full-time job and I personally believe that it is ideal to have a domestic help, whether ‘live-in’ or ‘come and go’.

Today, I am writing for moms who for one reason or the other don’t have either of these two kinds of help.

How are you coping?

Well, I am currently in the throes of running my home without a help, while simultaneously running my home-based business and other streams that flow out of me. This gig is hard, I won’t even try to sugarcoat it. It was a lot easier when I had a help; but for valid reasons, I decided against getting another after she left.

It was clear I needed help, so I refined the kind of help I needed. Some of it unconventional, but because we know it takes a village to raise a child, (and maybe a clan to run a home), I still found ‘help’ that worked for me and my family. All unconventional, but they work.

School
First, with both my kids at school between 7am and 3pm, I consider school the first help that I have. Yes, they are helping me educate my kids, but they are also by extension, freeing up time for me to get my acts together and make those eight hours count.

What this means is that for any mom in these shoes, you must become a better time manager – any personal or official work not completed in those hours would have to be rolled over to the next day. Children demand and spell love as A-T-T-E-N-T-I-O-N.

Cleaner
The next help I got was a cleaning lady to come in once or twice a week to do laundry and general spring cleaning. With that amount of cleaning done, all I need do is maintain it upward from there, so that the house remains in a fairly clean state before she comes again.

Home Appliances
The third kind of help you can get would be home appliances that would make life easy for you. Personally, I needed just two things: a washing machine and a deep freezer. The washing machine would take laundry out of my to-do list, and a freezer meant I could cook and store in bulk, so there would be no need to cook daily. I don’t know what kind of appliance would help you, but it may be worth saving and making adjustments to your budget to get it.

Siesta
Absurd as this one may sound, I consider siesta (even if for forty-five minutes to an hour) a kind of help. Once the after-school activities of bathing, dressing, eating, doing homework/house chores and playing are over, the home most likely would be in a messy state. Insisting on siesta would allow you some time to clean up before dinner time and your husband gets home. Granted, you would not be able to guarantee a clean home every single time he gets home, but don’t let your home look like it just escaped a hurricane. A clean home is great for sanity and productivity, so ‘get help’ and let your kids observe siesta – even if all they do is sit and stare in their rooms.

Friends and family
Since we cannot exhaust all the possibilities of unconventional domestic help, I would like to end with this one which I consider very important and that is friends and family. Oh, please enlist their help. You have not because you have not been an ‘asker’. Sadly, most of us are too shy or make very wrong assumptions and so miss out on amazing help. Ask that single friend to help you run errands; or better still, if she can come over to mind your kids while you go run errands, enjoy some me-time or date night with your husband. Take the kids to their grandparents or family members some weekends if they live close and it is an option. Ask someone from your local church to come babysit while you catch a few hours of sleep.

Don’t assume everyone is busy and no one would have time to help. It would surprise you to know that some people are waiting for you to ask as they don’t want to be too forward. So, go ahead and ask, and don’t give up because the first two people declined. Try other people. You can even take your kids to a friend who has Domestic help and have them mind your kid while you get some much-needed R&R (Rest and relaxation).

Whatever you decide, make sure that you are being responsible as you delegate responsibilities for the care of your child(ren) in those hours.

So, dear Domestic Queen without Domestic Help, find your unconventional help and rock out your life and season.

About Eziaha Bolaji-Olojo

Eziaha Bolaji-Olojo (CoachE’) is a Food and Fitness Coach and CEO at CoachE’Squad Ltd, a thriving home-based business where she serves Jesus and Fitness to the world. Asides helping women live optimized lives through a healthy food and fitness routine, she runs a personal Faith-based blog www.eziaha.com where she chronicles her Christian walk, and holds regular meetings called POWWOW with E’ for Stay at home moms.

She is a First-Class Graduate of Sociology, holds a UK degree in Personal Nutrition and a Pre-natal and Postnatal Fitness Specialist Certification endorsed by the American Fitness Professionals Association (AFPA). She is also an Alumnus of Daystar Leadership Academy (DLA). Above all these, she is a proud wife and mom to two boys and takes that assignment very seriously. She is a product of many teachers and mentors, constantly going for knowledge, regularly pours into mentoring younger folks, loves stir-fry eggs and home-made zobo, and is a proud member of Daystar Christian Centre.

Eziaha can be found on Instagram @stayhomemoms.ng and on Twitter as @eziahaa, and you can email her on eziaha@eziaha.com

Source: Bella Naija

In self development January 2, 2019 By Editor

”TOOLZ LEFT HER CAREER, BUSINESS, HOME TO MAKE SURE THE CHILD WAS GOOD ALL THROUGH” – CAPTAIN DEMUREN

OAP Toolz Oniru-Demuren’s husband, Captain Tunde Demuren has revealed that Toolz sacrificed her job, business, and home just to make sure she had a safe delivery of their child.

The pilot made this known via his Instagram page on Monday, December 31, 2018, while thanking God for the safe arrival of their baby.

“Mark 11: 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe it, and it will be yours. This time last year I prayed and asked for a healthy baby. God showed He is God. The I AM THAT I AM. Able God. THE ALPHA et OMEGA and blessed us in His time. My prayer is that this 2019, my God will answer all your prayers. Have faith. Work at it and believe. God will show Himself. Just remember to be thankful.

“I need to add, @toolzo did great… left her career, left her business, left her home to make sure the Child was good all thru. I Pray for all our support systems, family, friends, and everyone that remembered us for good, may My God meet you at your point of need and overwhelm you with blessings. In Jesus name. Happy New Year. May 2019 be the best year ever,” he wrote.

It would be recalled that the celebrity couple welcomed their first child a few days before the new year far away in the United Kingdom.

In Inspiration December 23, 2018 By Esther Ijewere

IBIDUNNI IGHODALO FOUNDATION FETES MOTHERS-IN-WAITING

Childlessness in Africa is a major issue that no woman wants to experience, as the period of waiting comes with so much anxiety.And a foremost event planner, Ibidunni Ighodalo, through her Ibidunni Ighodalo Foundation (IIF), has decided to help couples with the problem of conception to have children of their own with assistance from the foundation.

The IIF recently held its second outing where couples were selected by ballot to determine who would undergo the programme for the year. The theme for this year’s edition was Maa Gbe Temi Jo (‘I will carry my own and dance).

Couples began to arrive the venue as early as 8.00 a.m. and before noon, the Agip Hall of MUSON Centre was filled to capacity. The first event was for couples, selected from different states across the country, to meet with a team of medical experts to ascertain their medical viability through a series of assessments and pre-tests. The foundation then pays to a certified fertility clinic that is in strategic partnership with the foundation in the country for fertility services such as In-Vitro Fertilisation (IVF), Frozen Embryo Transfer and Intrauterine Insemination to be performed on them.

Ighodalo said: “Couples face a lot of challenges in their period of waiting to conceive. It is the reason the foundation is committed to going with them on this journey believing that together, their hopes will be turned to happiness. Last year was a good year and it will be better this year. Somebody got pregnant last year just by practising what was lectured here. Knowledge is power!”

Several fertility specialist doctors presented topics on infertility and how to overcome it, either by just doing what was said or by actually partaking in the assisted ways to do so.

A gyneacologist, Ogundiran Bridge from the Bridge Clinic, spoke on fibroids and pregnancies. He told participants that contrary to the saying that what you don’t know will not kill you, the opposite is the case: “Fibroids are common tumours in women worldwide, which is also the cause of infertility in many women. Though some may have symptoms and some may not, but based on study, six out of every 10 women may have it. While some people may get pregnant with fibroid, some women may not be able to conceive depending on where the tumours are located. So, eventually, not everyone may need IVF, as all you need to do is to remove the tumours and get pregnant.

“Nobody knows the cause of fibroid but based on study, obesity has been associated with it. When you are obese, the chances of conceiving are lean.”Bridge also cited diet consisting of plenty preservatives, hypertension, family history for not conceiving for long as causes of infertility. The symptoms, according to him, are abdominal pains, swelling and infertility.However, he said the best solution is to do a medical check up and remove any lump in the stomach if necessary to avoid complications.

Dr. Oluwatoyin Bode Abbas spoke on “How To Handle Infertility’ and the challenges that come with it. Abbas said infertility is a diagnosis like any type of sickness, but people here see it as a special kind of sickness that no one should be associated with.

According to her: “Stigma comes in different forms such as public stigma, where nobody invites you to their children’s birthday parties, neither will anyone wish you happy Mothers’ Day because you have no children. Self-imposed stigma where some women carry a long face and an unpleasant attitude just because they don’t have children.”

According to her, the government is not left out, as they structurally stigmatise couples by not having health insurance big enough to cover the cost of infertility treatment. She advised couples to find treatment and not to isolate themselves but speak out and focus on the positives, saying, “We need to start thinking differently because our parents in those days adopted children but today when it comes to putting pen to paper to adopt, it becomes a problem.”

Dr. Mini Iyizoba spoke on fertility health, saying: “The basic things people forget while waiting is they can freeze their eggs, times are changing and people are marrying at later years than before.

Former Commissioner for the Environment, Mr. Muiz Banire, who also had a traumatising waiting period said: “My experience was just for three years, but it was like forever. People put a timetable by saying things like, we are coming to eat rice o, and they put immense pressure on couples without knowing.

“They will give you all sorts of advice, telling you places to go to for solution as well as if it is automatic and couples keep going up and down without a solution. But I think the way forward is belief in God; don’t stress yourselves and above all, trust God.”He, therefore, urged the men too to also accept the fact that they could be the ones with the problems instead of putting the automatic blame on the women, as it is always the case.

While Head of Department of Psychiatric Lagos State University (LASU), Dr. Rotimi Coker, spoke on the psychological effect the period of waiting has on a couple, Dr. Oluyemisi Adeyemi-Bero spoke on surrogacy.Pastor (Mrs.) Ruth Essien brought another dimension to the programme as she spoke about things that Africans will normally term as taboo. But above all, she advised couples to be peaceful in their marriage, as it contributes a lot to conception while waiting.

Source: Guardian