Mental Health - Women of Rubies

In Editor's Choice October 13, 2018 By Editor

“I WANT TO HELP REDUCE THE NUMBER OF HOPELESS, HELPLESS, DEPRESSED & SUICIDAL SOULS IN NIGERIA- OYINKANSOLA ALABI

Last month, popular Nigerian Artiste Harry Song opened up on his battle with depression and cried out for help, while many mocked him for speaking up as a celebrated figure, one woman reached out to help him find his path and walk him through his healing process, that woman is Oyinkansola Alabi , popularly referred to as the Emotions Doctor, the Lead Researcher and Lead Facilitator of EMOTIONS CITY, an Emotions Coaching and Consulting Firm. The company works with leaders of various arms of Government and NGO’s as well as Business and Institution leaders at all levels, using original, home grown research and principle based methodologies.

She is one of Nigeria’s clearest and sought after high impact trainer. She has trained tens of thousands of executives who desired to achieve a high level of Emotional Intelligence.

The Cornell University trained Human Resource Executive, Certified Life Coach, Cognitive Behavioural Specialist, Licensed Emotional Intelligence Practitioner, only female six seconds network leader in Nigeria, is also the convener of the first ever Emotional Intelligence Week in Nigeria and arguably in Africa .Oyinkan also serves as an ordained Pastor under the astute leadership of Pastors Taiwo and Nomthi Odukoya.

In celebration of World’s Mental health week, Oyinkan shares her inspiring story with me in this exclusive interview as she highlights the cause of the recent increase in depression and her determination to give hope to those who are hopeless and on the verge of giving up.

Childhood Influence
In retrospect I think that my childhood prepared me for what I’m doing now because 2 months before I was born my father had stroke and that life altering experience introduced me and my family into a flavor of poverty and scarcity.I grew up faster than my peers because I had learned how to take responsibility for my existence.

I also promised myself that I was going to be the best version of what God created me to be despite my financially epileptic background. I must also admit that one clear value my parents transmitted to me was the yearning for knowledge.

I remember my father taught me how to read by giving me a book to read every week and when I was done reading he gave me a gift. I initially read because I wanted a gift but I later read to a point where I outgrew the gift. I knew I was consuming knowledge for my own good.

Meet Me!
I am the voice of your unconscious calling you to embrace your greatness. I amA soul who is passionately consumed by the vision to help adults take responsibility for their mental health and emotional stability.I desire to help as many people as possible in every state, every country, whatever gender, marital status, sexuality, religion, move from a place of emotional instability to a place of emotional stability, a state of unhappiness to a state of happiness. I am that soul who craves to help you increase your productivity, happiness and help live a life of fulfillment want you to know that we are not on earth to work, pay bills and die, you are here to enjoy your life.

Inspiration behind Emotions City

My desire to help people move from a state of pain into a state deep happiness and fulfilment ignited my desire to launch Emotions City.We actually launched the Youthmax Academy earlier which is arguably the first Emotional Intelligence Academy for Millennials in Africa.Then we started receiving training requests from Professionals and corporate organisations who had been informed of our unparalleled value and results. The essence of Emotions City is to help people live the best version of their life.We desire to help people reduce their pain, We desire to give life where death looms,We desire to reduce the number of hopeless, helpless, depressed and suicidal souls in Nigeria.We are also the only mental health facility in Nigeria who offers round the clock coaching and therapy service. While others close for the day, our midnight listeners are willing to listen and resolve emotional distractions.

Impact

I think that the results of my impact are in the quality of souls that I have been able to raise. I daily engage a principle I heard a while ago that, it is better to train a child than to repair an adult. I think it’s true because a number of professionals are repairing adults which in itself isn’t bad but I think we can become more proactive by raising kids instead.Raising kids is proactive, repairing adults is reactive.To this end, we have created sub units under the YOUTHMAX Academy called the Child and Teen max Academy. It’s been proven that it’s cheaper to raise than to repair. A broken soul at best will be remoulded but never restored to default setting. Only God restores.

Balancing it all

I doubt the concept work life balance exist, I think what exists in reality is work life integration. I integrate my life by living and existing one day at a time. I deliberately refuse to engage in emotional labour where I worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself, My duty is to prepare and plan. So my responsibility as a Coach, Pastor, Public speaker and Mum are going well. I am not perfect but I am getting better at it daily.

Work Challenges

I am in a field plagued my men. Men who have been programmed to think it’s their birth right to lead. Men who support other men and will choose other men before they remember women exist. They do this not because they hate women but because they have been scripted to reach out to other men before women.The second interesting challenger is fact that some clients feel entitled to your time and expertise. They feel it is your responsibility to serve them for free once they reach out to you. Most of them haven’t been trained to take responsibility for their mental health. They have been trained to request for freebies so once your invoice welcomes them to reality, they freeze and some resort to emotional blackmail. This really doesn’t bother me because I am aware I can’t help everyone. I will only help those I desire to.

Other Projects

We are collaborating with some international organisations to help develop revolutionary products. We will disclose them in due time but for now, we are concentrating on making Emotions City the one stop centre for emotional intelligence training and solution.

Reward

My greatest reward are the evidence of changed lives. I am not on earth to be rich or be wealthy. I am here to help souls embrace their inner divinity. I am also aware that resources will be provided while being consumed by my passion.

Emotions City in 5 years
In the next five years, we will have moved from being just service providers into products manufacturers and global thought leaders. Are you wondering how? We will share details when we can.

Never giving up
No I have never thought of giving up. My noble goal is addictive enough to consume me. I however get tired and when I do I reach out to mentors, friends and family members. I must admit that I am blessed with beautiful relationships that service my existence.

Women who inspire me

Models like Oprah, Serena Williams, Maya Angelou, Bimbo Odukoya inspire me to do more. These souls lived / live for humanity.

Being a Woman of Rubies

One familiar truth I am aware of is that I am authentic.I am true to my soul. My public and private life are in sync. My words and actions also align.I think my authenticity and my voice are what makes me a woman of rubies.

Nigerians & Awareness to Mental health

Nigerians need more awareness and clarity on mental health. A good number of us actually think mental health is only for people with psychological issues.We haven’t fully come to terms with the fact that there is no health without mental health.

Cause of increase in Depression
The word is becoming more complex. Culture is changing. Economy is worsening. The rules of parenting, relationships and success are being redefined. Social media is brewing envy and jealousy.

These complex engagements are ultimately climaxing some emotionally unstable adults into a state of unhappiness, hopelessness, helplessness, self esteem issues, inferiority complex etc. Once all of these states set in and your internal affairs are more disempowering than empowering. You will question your existence. Once you feel you are not good enough, nobody cares about you, the world will be better without you.Suicide becomes attractive. Suicide is however not an option. There are at least five other options you can embrace and we can show you how at Emotions City.

In self development October 11, 2018 By Editor

DR. EZINNE MERIBE: THERE IS NO SHAME IN SEEKING HELP FOR MENTAL HEALTH CHALLENGES

When the hand is broken, we go to see the doctor.
No, we run to see the doctor.
We know it needs fixing.
No one will see you carrying a broken hand and tell you to suck it up, hide it, you don’t want anyone to know. Of course, no one will stigmatize you for your broken hand.

The intense pain will not let you hide, you will run off to a surgeon and ask him to do something.
We all know the hand is replaceable and we even have two.We have two hands, two legs, two eyes, two ears, two kidneys; nearly every organ in the body can be successfully transplanted or fixed surgically.
You also know that even if you lose those limbs, there are prosthetic limbs you can wear so we have at our beck and call a ton of remedies for fixing a broken limb. Let’s not mention the friends and family that will support you during recovery and take turns by your bed side.Sadly, when your mind/brain is ‘broken’. They tell you to hide it. Don’t seek help. You will bring shame on the family and wrongly so, ignorant people will begin to avoid you and your family.

How else would you fix the mind/brain if you don’t seek help?
Do you have two brains? Do you know anyone that will donate one for you?

Are you looking forward to doing a mind/brain transplant or are there prosthetic minds/brains available for sale? Some people even have the resources to seek help but will hide under the cover of ‘do you know who I am?’. My pedigree? My status? Yet, they are not whole.

The broken mind/brain does not have prosthesis.
The broken mind or brain cannot be transplanted from a family member or donor.
Only you know where it hurts and how it hurts.

Some of us have emotional baggage from our childhood and past experiences that only therapy can take care of. Unfortunately, we can’t place these feelings and its consequences so we are unable to deal with it. It affects our relationships, our performance at work/productivity and our wellbeing. For this reason, some have been tagged as ‘having spiritual problem’ or being possessed while being ferried from one prayer house to another. It is a factor in the domestic violence/emotional abuse in marriage towards spouse and children.

It is no longer enough to tell people to lose weight, to follow a meal plan, to register at the gym, to wake up first thing in the morning to exercise – as long as those deep-seated issues are not dealt with through therapy and inquiry (excavating & uprooting); many of us will continue to use food as a coping mechanism. This is why with my clients, I choose first to focus on behavior remodeling. Sadly, many people don’t want to deal with the real issues they prefer a ‘meal plan’ that will fail them again and again.
You know deep within you that this mind/brain is not ‘working’ as it should and you want to be whole…believe me, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Mental illnesses are disorders affecting a state and part of the body just like you would have kidney diseases, liver diseases and every other disease that affects a part of the body. Once a disorder in any of these parts result, it becomes an illness. There should be no stigma associated with it, just because they manifest differently is not a cause for stigma either. If we are not stigmatizing the person with a broken hand, we are wrong to stigmatize the one with a broken mind/brain.

Please, don’t let your ‘well-meaning’ pastor tell you ‘we will pray it out’. Why did that other church member who fractured her knee get admitted in the hospital and you all went to see her with baskets of fruits. Why was she not managed in church with prayer and fasting?
PS: Your pastor cannot fulfill every role in your life and a good pastor should be the first person encouraging you to seek professional help.

Yes, in God’s word there is an answer for every situation. Just like we had priests, we had kings, we had men at the city gates, we had scribes. Each one fulfilling a different purpose.
Today, we have therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists. Every wisdom here on earth comes from God. So, the therapists and psychiatrists you will see are acting under God’s divine wisdom just like the pastor is.

Even the psychiatrist is stigmatized.
In my 2nd year of Medical School (about 13 years ago), I heard about the psychiatrist in my city. They said he behaves like his patients, jumps on tables when attending to patients and ‘looks and acts crazy’. I’m sure most people who ‘distributed’ that narrative had never seen this man. I on the other hand have been there during a 4-week posting in my 5th year, never for once did I witness any of the doctors jumping on tables. This is what ‘the danger of a single story’ does to the world of psychiatry.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors who are trained to diagnose and treat mental illness with medication or evideAccording to the WHO, while information is lacking on mental health and access to mental health in Nigeria is quite limited, it is estimated that at least 4% of the population suffer from depression. I assume this number is very much underestimated thanks to our poor health seeking behaviors (people don’t seek medical help until it is severe).

While there are non-existent desks in the ministries at any level for mental health and only 3.3% of the Federal Government’s health budget goes to mental health, we can do better as individuals. Stigmatization will only lead to more and more people suffering in silence, never getting help and even getting worse. A 4-week therapy session for that woman suffering post-partum depression will go a long way in helping her raise mentally strong children that will neither be neglected nor emotionally abused …but she won’t go for fear that YOU & I will stigmatize/ostracize her and her children.

Summary;
– When we feel pain in our muscles or limbs we see the orthopedic surgeon
– When we feel pain around the abdomen, we see the gastroenterologist
– When our heart hurts suddenly we run down to the cardiologist. No one wants to die of a heart attack.
– When we feel pain in our minds/brains we have every right like every other person who seeks help for pain in other parts of their body to see a therapist or a psychiatrist.

Having a mental illness does not mean you’re broken or weak. far from it. Acknowledging that you have a biological imbalance and need help is the most courageous thing that you can do today: It is a sign of strength, not weakness. I believe everyone deserves a therapy session at least twice a year.
As a psychiatrist rightly quoted, there is no health without mental health.

Mental Health Helplines and Resources in Nigeria
Nigeria Suicide Prevention Initiative: +234 806 210 6493
Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative +234 806 010 1157
She Writes Woman +234 817 491 3329

About Ezinne Meribe
Dr. Ezinne Meribe is the host of Beyond A Dress Size podcast; a podcast series that creates stimulating conversations to pull down misconceptions on nutrition, weight loss, health and body diversity while empowering women to live life beyond the numbers on the dress label, scale or tape.
She is the Lead Wellness Coach/Founder at Zinnyslifestyle, where she leverages her professional qualifications and personal experience to teach women how to OWN & LOVE their bodies and LIVE in it fabulously; having successfully won the struggle with being overweight and loving her body. A UK certified Wellness Professional with a Bachelors in Medicine and Surgery (MBBS), she completed her postgraduate training in Public Health at Kumamoto University, Japan. As a Medical Doctor and Public Health Specialist, she continues to promote preventive medicine as the number one way to combat the severe health system constraints in developing countries.

You can connect with her on
Instagram @zinnyslifestyle
Facebook @zinnyslifestyle
Read more on Medium @ezinnemeribe
Or send an email to info@zinnyslifestyle.com

In self development October 11, 2018 By Editor

UK APPOINTS FIRST MINISTER OF SUICIDE PREVENTION

The United Kingdom has, in commemoration of the World Mental Health Day, appointed its first Minister of Suicide Prevention.

The UK Prime Minister Theresa May announced the appointment, naming Jackie Doyle-Price as Minister for Mental Health, Inequalities and Suicide Prevention.
The Conservative Party shared the news on its Twitter, writing:
@theresa_may has appointed the first ever UK Minister for Suicide Prevention.
@JackieDP will lead a new national effort as we work to reduce the number of suicides and overcome the stigma that stops people seeking help.

Mashable reports that Doyle-Price, who was a junior minister in the Department of Health, said:
In my time as health minister I have met many people who have been bereaved by suicide and their stories of pain and loss will stay with me for a long time.
It’s these people who need to be at the heart of what we do and I welcome this opportunity to work closely with them, as well as experts, to oversee a cross-government suicide prevention plan, making their sure their views are always heard.
About 4,500 are said to die by suicide yearly in England, and the ministry’s work will be to see to the reduction of the number, something Doyle-Price has said she’s committed to.

In Interviews&profile May 12, 2018 By Editor

“DON’T WAT TILL YOU HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN BEFORE YOU SEEK HELP” – HAUWA OJEIFO

Hauwa Ojeifo is a certified Life, Mind and Mental health coach, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming practitioner – helping individuals, groups and organisations maximise their potential and performance by cultivating the right thoughts, values, beliefs, emotions and behaviour. She is the Founder and current Executive Director at She Writes Woman – an award winning movement of love, hope and support for women living with mental disorders in Nigeria. She is giving mental illness a voice; taking back the existing misinformed narrative and normalising the mental health conversation in Nigeria.
Hauwa holds an MSc in Investment Banking & Islamic Finance from Henley Business School, University of Reading, England and has a career that spans 6 industries including health, finance, fashion, event planning, retail services and digital marketing.
She is the only Nigerian female recipient of the Queen’s Young Leaders award 2018 by the Royal Commonwealth Society and the Queen Elizabeth Diamond Jubilee Trust and voted as of the most influential young Nigerians in 2017. The beautiful mental health coach bares it all in this inspiring interview.

Childhood Influence
I believe my childhood was very instrumental to what I have become. From a very young age, I was taught to value excellence. Resilience was also big for me whilst growing up. It’s no wonder that though I was very unaware of what those teachings would do for me, they have been key to who I’ve become and what I do

Meet Me!
I am the last of four children. I’m from Ewu-Ishan, Edo state and I’m a Muslim. I graduated top of my class with a BSc (Hons.) Business Administration (specifics in International Business) from Bells University of Technology, Ota, Ogun state. I went on to obtain a Masters degree in Investment Banking and Islamic Finance from the prestigious ICMA Centre, Henley Business School, University of Reading, UK and INCEIF Malaysia. I have worked across 6 industries – fashion, finance, health, event planning, digital marketing and retail services – and own and co-owned 4 businesses in the last 10 years.

Venture into the mental health industry
I got diagnosed with bipolar II and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in December of 2015 and it completely changed my life. From delusions to suicidal thoughts, to feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness to paranoia ad mild psychosis, I experienced a great deal of the spectrum of mental illness including issues with medications and therapy. What was most profound to me in my journey to recovery was the fact that complete healing didn’t lie in any 1 thing. It had to be a holistic approach. I didn’t set out to become a mental health coach, it happened to me.
When I started She Writes Woman in April 2016, it was purely to serve as an outlet for me and to somehow see if there was anyone who could relate to what I was saying. Today, She Writes Woman has impacted over 7000 Nigerian women directly and over 15,000 women globally indirectly. We run a mental health helpline, monthly support groups, quarterly outreach to psychiatric patients, social media live streams, a creative gift and souvenir store as well as the mind and mental health coaching practice. We have presence in 6 states and counting.
I now talk about my mental illness – diagnoses that are theoretically speaking, incurable – in the past tense because I haven’t had any of my symptoms in over a year. People often ask me how I did it and why their recovery is much more lengthy and cumbersome than mine seemingly was, the answer for me is in how holistic the approach is.
I learnt and got certified in coaching and therapy. I also consult and train individuals and organisations in mental wellness. This is largely because this offers me the opportunity to proffer an integrative and holistic approach to mental wellness. Many people are in an extended state of mental, emotional and behavioural dysfunction because they don’t have a 3D approach to mental wellness. As a mind and mental health coach, I can give you that.

The journey so far
It has been fantastic. People have been overwhelmingly receptive towards the work we do. I often say that considering how quiet the mental health space was prior to when we came in compared to now, I believe lots of Nigerian women were waiting for someone to speak up and echo their silent whispers. When I began to drop bits and pieces of my story, I got a lot of “me too”s in DMs and emails. People make anonymous donations and seek partnerships with us. It was beyond having a medical practitioner talk about mental health, people need to see faces behind the stats and someone to take the lead, and that’s what we did and continue to do.

Being the only Nigerian female recipient of the Queen’s young leaders award
It’s very humbling to be selected as the only Nigerian female recipient of the Queen’s Young Leaders Award 2018 by the Royal Commonwealth Society, Comic Relief and The Queen Elizabeth Diamond Jubilee Trust. I feel validated for the work I do in the mental health space in Nigeria and to think that Her Majesty has seen that is such an honour. Mental health is so important and this exposure and visibility gives me even more credibility and a much bigger platform to keep doing the good work. I can’t wait to meet the other QYLs across the commonwealth and collectively learn, network and get mentored to create even more impact.

Greatest reward
Hmmm…this one’s tricky. I’ve gotten quite a number of prestigious awards and recognition over time which I’m truly grateful for. These are fantastic. What I’ll say are the greatest rewards are the testimonials of people across Nigeria who send in mails and text messages telling me that I saved them from taking their lives or that my story inspired them to speak up and seek help. This is my greatest reward; being the instrument of another person giving life another shot, and not only overcoming their present state but living out their fullest purpose and potential. It reinforces to me that there is truly purpose in pain and as the Qur’an says,’…with every hardship there is ease’. It further tells me that really and truly when a woman decides to unapologetically speak her truth, she gives other women the permission to do same. What’s even most profound is that IF I didn’t step into who I was meant and destined to be, the lives of the people who were tied to that single decision could’ve been lost.

Never giving up
There was never such a time I felt like giving up. That’s not an indication there weren’t challenges, but it just never occurred to me or crossed my mind that giving up was an option to consider. I take what I do very seriously. It’s my God-given purpose.

Who and what inspire me to be better
People often say that I’m “deep”. LOL. I guess that’s largely because I draw inspiration from big and seemingly mundane things and experiences. I must say also, that I’m highly self-motivated even though I understand the impact many spiritual teachers, thought leaders and social entrepreneurs across the world have had on me. I find the life and times of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) and his companions very profound and highly inspiring. Allah says in the Qur’an (3:110) that “You are the best of nations to be created (as an example) for all of mankind…” I take that very seriously. Excellence is my DNA.

My other projects
At She Writes Woman, we initiated the first-ever privately held 24/7 mental health helpline in Nigeria. It’s a first point of call for mental health first aid, information, finding mental health care around you, caring for a loved one living with mental health challenges, information about healing and recovery, referrals to mental health professionals etc. With the helpline, we have also successfully managed crisis situations like suicide in over 26 women till date.

Our monthly mental health support group – Safe Place – is a confidential and anonymous group that meets to release, be vulnerable and have honest conversations. It’s a healthy mix of professionals, enthusiasts, advocates, victims, survivors and carers.

Hope Visits is our initiative that seeks to reach and empower the most vulnerable people within the mental health ecosystem in Nigeria. By visiting neuro-psychiatric hospitals across Nigeria, we carry the message of Hope for a life beyond the mental health facility. We provide clothing, toiletries, provisions and render skill acquisition programs to empower them socially, financially and economically.

Is the Government doing enough in mental health advocacy and are Nigerians well informed?
The short answer is NO and NO. The longer answer is that though the tides are shifting, majority of Nigerians are either uninformed about mental health or ill-informed about mental health. In the area of advocacy, we’ve honestly barely scratched the surface. Our work is very much cut out for us and collectively, we must amplify our voices so as to cause ripple effects and echoes across the country.

The government can do so much more in supporting, promoting and providing mental health solutions.But here’s the thing, we can’t honestly say that Nigerians generally are ill-informed and somehow expect that our lawmakers are better informed. Stigma and prejudice is no respecters of social class, religious or cultural orientation, gender or position held in society. The very people who occupy positions in government are also a product of generations of misinformed narratives about mental health. Mental health problems – be it structural or social – are a Nigerian problem, not a government problem. The more we advocate and educate about mental health and the true narrative, the more we cause Nigerians (be it government or otherwise) to unlearn the prejudice and biases they hold toward the space. This in turn will lead to better informed decisions (politically as well) and urgency in mental health care in Nigeria.

Being a woman of Rubies
Rubies are exceptionally durable, they command the highest prices for any coloured gemstone and break records at auctions. Yet they have imperfections in them including colour impurities and inclusions of needles. These qualities of rubies are exactly what I see in myself.

People using bitterness and toxic behavior to cover up depression on social media
Hurting people hurt people. And there’s a difference between giving help and receiving help. If help is given to someone who doesn’t want help, they won’t receive the help even though they go ahead to see a therapist or even start taking medications. Let’s also not forget that there’s flat out bad behaviour and there’s mental illness. If we are seeing a spike of bitterness and toxic behaviour on social media, it just means that we too need to amplify our voices of love, hope and support on social media. All they need to know is that there’s a Safe Place. Love is the answer.

Women dealing with mental health issues but in denial
Don’t wait till you have a mental breakdown before you seek help. If you’re wondering whether or not you should seek help for something, that’s exactly the right time to seek help. If you’re worried about being judged by family or friends, come to She Writes Woman Safe Place support group (www.shewriteswoman.org/safeplace). If you’ll like to make sense of what’s in your mind, please call or whatsapp our helpline on 0817 491 3329. The same way that seeking help when you have malaria seems like a no-brainier, is exactly how it is with mental health. There’s help all around you. You just have to want it. There’s help, there’s hope and you’re definitely not alone. Our social media pages @SheWritesWoman are very good companions too.