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ACTRESS, WRITER & TALK RADIO HOST -ALEX OKOROJI TO RECEIVE ICONIC WOMAN AWARD AT WEF 2017 IN INDIA

 

Nigerian Actress, Writer & Talk Radio Host – Alex Okoroji who was recently ranked one of the Top 250 Most Influential Women Leaders in the World by Richtopia, will be receiving the prestigious WEF17 ICONIC WOMAN AWARD for “Iconic Women Creating a Better World for All” at the 2017 Annual Global Women Economic Forum (WEF) in New Delhi, India.

Alex who recently ‎appeared in a special edition of the Television Game Show “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”as a Celebrity Guest on the HOT SEAT played alongside Tosin Ajirire, Entertainment Editor at The Sun Newspaper on behalf of Charity – for Mama Dada and the Dada Marquis Foundation to win 2 Million naira. She is also nominated to receive a Nigeria Goodwill Ambassador Award “For Agent of Positive Change in Nigeria” in July – is one of the WEF 2017 Speakers and will be speaking on

Day 1: The NAKED Road To Personal & Business Success

Day 3: Understanding Business Globalization, Creativity and Innovative Leadership

Day 5: Hosting a Lunch Roundtable – Topic: The NAKED Philosophy for Success.

The Gala Annual Women Economic Forum gathers women leaders from 100+ countries at its mega marathon spectacular conference in New Delhi spread over 6 days.

In just few days from now India will be abuzz with the energy of passionate women leaders and entrepreneurs from different countries across the world gathering together for the marathon 6 days of the Annual Women Economic Forum.

From May 8th to 13th , a rich confluence of leaders and achievers from a 100+ countries will empower one another by sharing and speaking across 520 sessions and workshops under the overall bold theme of “Women: Creating, Innovating, Understanding and Driving the Future”.

What is most unique is that the extensive program across 41 theme verticals and 520+ sessions has been built over the past year with the committed participation of a widely constituted Advisory Board and Advisory Executive Council (AEC) of over 500 people from the world. This is to ensure meaningful dialogues on topics that engage the needs of All the participants from different fields, cultures and backgrounds.

The vibe of the conference is interactive. Power points are not encouraged; whereas open hearted sharing is celebrated. Apart from the fact that this format enhances engagement of all in the audience.

Over 2000 delegates and speakers representing experiences from 150 countries, are joining. Countries include, Albania, Argentina, Australia, Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Belgium, Benin, Botswana, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, China, Colombia, Cote D’Ivoire, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Egypt, Ethiopia, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Ghana, Guinea, Hungary, Iceland, India, Iraq, Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Jordan, Kenya, Korea, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan, Latvia, Lebanon, Lesotho, Lithuania, Louisiana, Malaysia, Maryland, Montenegro, Morocco, Nepal, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nigeria, Norway, Oman, Pakistan, Panama, Philadelphia, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Russia, Rwanda, Saudi Arabia, Serbia, Singapore, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sudan, Sweden, Switzerland, Syria, Togo, Turkey, Turkmenistan, UAE, Uganda, UK, USA, Zambia, Zimbabwe.

In addition, companies, institutions and startups are sharing their ideas and initiatives; like BMW financial services, Fortis Escorts); Facebook, Google, Teach India, and many start-ups like in 3D printing, genomics, crafts etc. Countries and embassy representatives are also presenting opportunities therein for business, education and tourism, and special outreach for women.

Confirmed ministers & dignitaries:

International Ministers and MPs:

Dr. Anja Kopač Mrak, Minister for Labour of Labour, Family, Social Affairs and Equal Opportunities, Slovenia.

Ms. Alenka Smerkolj, Minister responsible for Development, Strategic Projects and Cohesion, Slovenia.

Ms. Shamma Sohail F. Al Mazrui, Minister of State for Youth Affairs, UAE

  1. Sara Dowie, MP, New Zealand

Ms. Marija Pavilioniene, MP, Lithuania

Cabinet Ministers from India:

Mr. Suresh Prabhu, Union Minister for Railways; Mr. Thawar Chand Gahlot, Minister for Social Justice & Empowerment.

Expected Dignitaries

Invited and confirmation awaited for: Ms. Draupadi Murmu, Hon’ble Governor of Jharkhand; Dr. Harshavardhan, Union Minister for Science & Technology; Prakash Javadekar, Union Minister for Human Resource Development. Mrs Lamia Zribi, Minister of Finance, Tunisia, Ms Hela Cheikhrouhou, Minister for Energy, Tunisia

Speakers & Awardees:

The forum will also felicitate inspiring women and men with WEF 17 awards for Women and Leaders of the Decade in various fields from across India and other parts of the world, as also iconic leaders making a difference to society. These are in Business, Entrepreneurship, Startups, Technology, IT, Celebrities, Education, NGOs includingMr. William Bissell , MD at Fab India,

Ms. Despina Panayiotou Theodosiou , MD at Tototheo Maritime Group, Cyprus

Ms. Vandana Luthra, Founder and Vice Chairperson at VLCC Health Care Ltd, India

Ms. Gina Rinehart , MD at Hancock Prospecting, Australia

Ms. Jyoti Deshpande, CEO at Eros International, India

Ms. Sulajja Firodia Motwani, CEO, Kinetic Green Energy & Power Solutions, India

Ms. Nishi Vasudeva, ex Chairman & MD of Hindustan Petroleum Corporation, India

Mr Harsh Mariwala, Chairman at Marico Limited, India (v)

Ms. Betty DeVita , Chief Commercial Officer at MasterCard Labs, USA

Ms. Agatha Amata, CEO of Inside Out Media LTD, Nigeria

Ms. Cathy Engelbert, CEO, Deloitte LLP USA, USA

Mr. Umang Bedi, MD, Facebook, India and South Asia

Ms. Kamila Rubaninska, Director of Operations, AT&T, Czech Republic

Ms. Susan Pointer, Head, Government Relations, Google Inc., USA

  1. Sandy Carter, ex GM, Ecosystem Development and Social Business, IBM, USA

Ms. Nancy Valentinio, COO, Julien’s Auctions, US

Mr. Nikhil Kumar, Time Magazine, South Asia

Ms. Ellen Barry, New York Times, South Asia

Mr. Vikram Chandra, NDTV, India

Mr. S.M. Khan, DG, Registration for Newspapers of India

Ms. Dragana Djermanovic, Social media influencer in South East Europe

Ms. Sabina Chopra, co-founder,Yatra.com

Mr. Bhavish Agarwal, founder, Ola cabs

Ms. Nikki Giant, MD, Full Circle Education Solutions, UK

Mr. Subhash Ghai, Veteran film director,

Ms. Betty Young, President at Hocking College , USA

Ms. Chiara Hensley, Assistant Vice President for Academic and Student Affairs, Eastern Michigan University, USA

Ms. Penny Simmonds, CEO of the Southern Institute of Technology, New Zealand

Ms. Lila Poonawalla, Lila Poonawalla Foundation, India

Ms. Ofra Abramovich, Founder of Mamanet, The Mothers’ League, Israel

Ms. Nisha Agarwal , CEO at Oxfam India, India

Ms. Revathi Roy , CEO-HeyDeedee , India

Mr. Anshu Gupta, Founder, Goonj

Dr. Ashok Seth Chairman – Fortis Escorts Heart Institute Chairman – Cardiology Council, Fortis Group of Hospitals, India

Mr. Kapil Sibal, former Union Minister, India

Mr. Lalit Bhasin, President, Bar Association of India

Ms. Pinky Anand, Additional Solicitor General of India

 

H.E Ambassador of Iceland

H.E Ambassador of Poland

H.E Ambassador of Macedonia

Ambassador of India to Angola

Ambassador of India to Cyprus

Distinguished Legendary Leaders Award to Mr Ratan Tata, Chairman of the Tata Group, India

 

Quotes:

Dr Harbeen Arora, Founder and Global Chairperson, ALL Ladies League (ALL) and Women Economic Forum (WEF) said: “WEF is a supportive platform where women from All walks of life can come and empower their skills, attitudes and networks. This year almost 18 Women Economic Forum events would get organized across the world; with the purpose of giving women worldwide greater voice and visibility.” “The response and affection we receive across these forums is overwhelming.

Support is also growing now from other stakeholders in society as All are now recognizing the power of women unfolding and strengthening.” “This is indeed the Century of Women, and the caring and cohesive spirit they bring. We need to celebrate the spirit and values of women and we need those in our troubled times to regain our balance and drive our future with sustainability”.

WEF events are about Conversations, Collaboration and Celebration:

One feels a vibe of authentic sharing and humane connection at the WEF events. In addition empowering business knowledge and networks, WEF is also a platform for open hearted peer learning and generous mentoring. People also share moving personal stories and experiences on a range of subjects on how one can deal with emotional grief, mindsets and cultural influences impeding or enhancing personal leadership, how one can master fears and doubts within, dealing with work-life challenges, overcoming trust deficit so that women can be women’s best friends, dealing with emotional and physical abuse, parenting and its challenges, putting an end to child trafficking, commitment to a healthy lifestyle, and processes for community and society building; challenges of leadership for fostering creativity and collaboration; and tapping into the power of education to make a positive change in the world.

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SAD! TEENAGE ARRAIGNED IN COURT FOR ALLEGEDLY LURING HER FRIEND TO A HOTEL WHERE SHE WAS GANG-RAPED

A 16-year-old girl was on Thursday brought before an Ikeja Chief Magistrates’ Court for allegedly luring her friend to a hotel for gang-raping.

The accused, a student, who resides at Alagbado, a Lagos suburb, is being tried for conspiracy.

The prosecutor, Insp. Clifford Ogu told the court that the offence was committed on March 26 at Mega Funds Hotel, Alagbado.

Ogu said the accused lured her friend to meet a boy at the hotel where she was allegedly gang-raped by four men
now at large.

The offence contravened Section 410 of the Criminal Law of Lagos State, 2015

The accused, however, pleaded not guilty to the charge.

The Chief Magistrate, Taiwo Akanni, granted the accused bail in the sum of N100,000 with two sureties in like sum.

Akanni adjourned the case until May 17 for mention.

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RUKE ASAGBA , THE YOUNG WOMAN USING HEALTHCARE AND EDUCATION TO CATER TO AFRICANS IN NEED

Four years ago, Ruke Asagba established CAIN (Catering to Africans in need) – a non-profit organization that seeks to improve healthcare in Africa and alleviate poverty by creating better educational opportunities.

Born out of a strong need for tangible development in Africa, Ruke’s main target areas are healthcareand education – because at the heart of her foundation is the belief that “education is the key to development while healthcare is the key to longevity.”

In her words:

“The vision for CAIN was born during my final year in high school when I was testing and interviewing high school graduates and OND holders for a minimum wage job.

I was bothered by the inability of many candidates to write and think coherently despite their qualifications.

I decided that one of my future goals would be helping less privileged children access quality education.”

“In my opinion, this was outright injustice because I strongly believe quality education is a right and not a privilege.

This experience coupled with my immense passion for health care influenced the mission of CAIN, which is to improve the quality of education and healthcare received by the less privileged in impoverished African societies.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BLM28PIgXit/

Since it’s establishment CAIN has been involved in a bunch of projects like donating books, mounting whiteboards and providing markers to community schoools.

CAIN also helped build a healthcare clinic in Jeida, a small village on the outskirts of Abuja, and recently purchased a building for creating a multi-purpose learning centre.

You can learn more about CAIN on their website

 

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MERCY AIGBE-GENTRY WRITES OPEN LETTER TO HER ESTRANGED HUSBAND LANRE

Nollywood actress Mercy Aigbe-Gentry has written an open letter to her estranged husband Lanre Gentry after he, in an interview allegedly said she is mentally unstable.

The duo are currently involved in a domestic violence case which the police is investigating.

Mercy wrote on Instagram:

Dear Lanre Gentry, It breaks my heart that I have to do this but as it is you have left me with no choice……I had sleepless night because I just couldn’t comprehend why someone I loved , someone with whom I have a child will be hell bent on destroying me, I just cannot comprehend it…….. I read with tears in my eyes all the LIES you fabricated against me, LIES you feel will justify your inhumane act, LIES you feel will gain you public sympathy and LIES calculated to bring my person to public opprobrium……..

You claim ….
(1) I am Mentally Unstable (2) That you have caught me with different men
(3) That I do not take care of my parents (4) That a man rented an apartment for me……….
LIES all LIES……..
Dear hubby I challenge you to back on your claims with PROOF!!!!!!!!!……….
Hmmmm lanre you forget quickly!…., you forget how I have labored and stood by you all these years, even tho all what I was getting from you was constant beating, harassment, threat to my life and threat to destroying my image if I dare leave you…… .,,You must PROVE all your allegations otherwise God knows I am going to add another lawsuit to the one on ground!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although my Team has been pleading with me to stay silent all these while, but I have come to realize that you want to ride on my keeping mum……
#saynotodomesticviolence #realmendonthit
#mylifeisnotinyourhands

Lanre responded to the post saying: “(it’s) not true”.

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TAMMY ROSIJI : 9 SIGNS YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP

Even if you hit a roadblock in your relationship, these 10 tips will tell you if you’re on the right track.

Crisis can come upon couples unexpectedly and rattle even the most solid of relationships. No matter how smitten you are with your honey, doubt may creep into your mind, clouding your vision of a perfect match. So how do you really know if this relationship is right for you? Here are a few ways to find out:

  1. Moral support

When your friends and family want to see you and your partner together, there is something to savor. Sometimes outside perspective is needed to see things you are too close and emotionally invested in to appreciate or view clearly. Don’t base the value of your relationship on the opinion of others, but listen to the voices you love and respect.

  1. Fair fights

When a fight does break out, it’s a clean one. Your arguments work toward resolving issues and solving problems while still appreciating each other’s feelings and needs.

  1. New issues

Your issues are new issues. Past problems actually get worked out and don’t come back up to bite you. Old resentments don’t get brought up in new arguments, and old dirt doesn’t get thrown around in current conversations.

  1. Hard work

You’re both willing to put in the work. You jump into action without skipping a beat, and you work on an issue until it’s over. No hesitations.

  1. Growing together

You and your partner are evolving together emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Growing closer is easy and a natural course of your relationship.

  1. Major change

You are both naturally changing for the better because you are happier being who you are this new way. Not because he asked you to change, and certainly not to keep him. Maybe you never wanted children, and now you can’t wait to be a parent with your partner. Or maybe he always needed his space, and now being away from you feels incomplete.

  1. Life partners

You don’t see yourself or your life without him. And you know he feels the same way.

  1. The L-word

“Love” rolls off the tongue effortlessly. You can’t imagine not saying it; that would hurt too much. You need to say it, you want to say it and it brings you joy. And it’s the same for him.

  1. Spiritual connection

There’s just something cosmic that pulls you two back together when you drift apart. It’s unexplainable. But it’s there. And it’s always for the better for both of you.

Love is blind

You don’t see anyone else as a potential partner, and you’re not interested in building any kind of connection with another. No one comes close to the amazing person you have. Physical attraction may pop in and surprise you, but the desire for intimacy or emotional connection doesn’t develop.

Knowing when you are right where you should be can be difficult in the midst of it. Hindsight may be 20/20, and if you’re the type that doesn’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, keep your eyes open and see what blessings you have in your love. Let this list encourage you to keep going and keep the faith when the road gets rough and blue skies go gray. You can build a beautiful home for yourself and your family when you appreciate everything and everyone in it.

 

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KEMI DASILVA IBRU’S WOMEN AT RISK INTERNATIONAL FOUNDATION IS A SAFE HAVEN FOR BATTERED WOMEN

Everyday we hear horrible stories of victims of sexual assault, domestic violence and all sorts of inhumane treatment which women in Nigeria are exposed to. Society begins to ask questions like: why did she stay? Why didn’t she leave? But, where will these women go to?

Most times they can’t go back to their parents, out of shame, or for of reproach. Other times it’s because they are financially incapable or leaving; the weight of the despair and helplessness is heavy upon them. So, they stay… waiting for hope, salvation, peace and a quiet from all the noise. Sometimes the silence comes only when they’re dead.

What can be done to reduce the number of victims of domestic violence and rape? Where is the safe haven for women?

Dr. Kemi DaSilva Ibra‘s new organization, Women at Risk International Foundation, is providing a safe haven for victims. She shared, with BellaNaija, the inspiration behind the foundation.

****
Women at Risk International Foundation (WARIF) is a non-governmental organization that was incorporated in 2016 by Dr. Kemi DaSilva-Ibru in response to the high incidence of sexual assault, rape and human trafficking occurring among young girls and women in Lagos State and across Nigeria.

As a practicing Obstetrician and gynaecologist with 10 years experience in this health space, I have noted over the years, a rising number of gender based violence cases directed at young girls and women. I have also witnessed and treated first-hand the harrowing effects of rape and sexual violence amongst these women in our communities. Characteristics such as the age, religious affiliation, race or social economic class of the young girls and women I have treated over the years is also varied. These effects from the assault are both immediate with physical and psychological harm experienced by the affected women who I believe should be seen and referred to as “survivors” and not “victims” and the long term, with social consequences such as an increase in the rate of new HIV cases, unwanted pregnancies and adverse effects on the education and empowerment of the girl child in our society.

Although the country data available on this problem is limited, the numbers are alarming with findings from a national survey carried out in 2014 on Violence Against Children in Nigeria confirmed one in four females reported experiencing sexual violence in childhood with approximately 70% reporting more than one incident of sexual violence. In the same study, 5.0% sought help, with only 3.5% receiving any services.

The foundation serves to address this issue of gender based violence, through the successful implementation of target –oriented initiatives; The first immediate intervention was the opening of the foundation’s first sexual assault referral centre in Yaba – WARIF Centre – which serves as the prototype for a warm friendly safe haven for women at risk. It provided through qualified full time staff, medical treatment and forensic examinations needed especially within the first 72 hours of an assault; Psychosocial counselling is carried out by trained social workers who obtained specialized training by staff from the Washington DC Rape Crisis Centre in Washington DC (one of the organizations in partnership with WARIF). A 24-hour confidential help line is also available at the centre to address the needs of those who call for assistance or to report an assault.

WARIF has a strong collaborative spirit and works with many organizations in the same health space. We have developed strong international and local collaborative ties with both government and non – government agencies to assist in addressing the social welfare needs that often times arise in the care of young girls and women at risk. This is done through the provision of shelters, legal aid and vocational skills. As an official member of the Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence (DSVRT), WARIF continues to work closely with government agencies including the judiciary and law enforcement in addressing the prevalence of gender based violence in our communities.


Other on-going preventive initiatives is the implementation of strong advocacy campaigns to raise awareness, such as the #menforWARIF campaign seen on International Womens Day 2017; an impactful social media campaign where male participants engaged and shared personalized fliers with endearing quotes passing on a crucial message to end sexual violence and discrimination against women.

The WARIF Educational School Program commencing in May 2017 is also set to raise awareness and educate the adolescent boy and girl child in various Lagos State Secondary Schools, through the implementation of a specially designed youth educational program on Gender Based Violence, introduced into their school curriculums.

As a nonprofit organization, all the services provided by the foundation, including all services provided by the WARIF Centre are offered FREE of charge. The foundation relies solely on donor funding from organizations, corporate bodies and private individuals.

For more information about WARIF:
Visit our website – www.warifng.org
Follow us on social media (Facebook, Twitter and Instagram) – @warif_ng

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4 WAYS YOU ARE UNKNOWINGLY DESTROYING YOUR WIFE AND KILLING YOUR MARRIAGE

What you don’t know CAN hurt you. These five things are hurting your wife and killing your marriage.

It’s tough being a man these days. Modern men are expected to be sensitive, caring and in tune with their feelings; while at the same time they’re still expected to be strong, protectors and able to fix anything that breaks. Men can’t be too sensitive or they’re not being good enough protectors. On the other hand, they can’t be too protective or else they’re not being sensitive enough.

As men, we try to navigate this balance between being caring and being strong. And because it can be such a fine line, there are a lot of times we fail. And there are things we do that are hurting our wives and killing our marriages. Here are five:

  1. Not providing the basics for the family

As a man, it is your responsibility to provide for your family, regardless of whether or not your wife works. Sometimes this means working a few overtime shifts so your kids can sign up for that baseball league. And sometimes this means biting your lip when your boss is being a jerk because you need the stability for your family. But it makes it all worth it when you come home at night and see the smiles on everyone’s face.

  1. Pessimism

Ever since you were a kid, you were taught to, “Man up,” and, “Don’t cry,” just to accept the fact that bad things just happen in life. While this is good advice sometimes, your wife also needs you to be an optimist. Your relationship will need to rally from all kinds of challenges, failures, hurt feelings and health problems. Your wife doesn’t need someone to tell her to stop crying, she needs a shoulder to cry on.

  1. Withholding physical affection

Yes, men do this, too. Physical affection is more than just sex. It includes giving her hugs before you leave for work, holding her hand in the aisle at the grocery store and pulling her close to you when you’re watching a movie on the couch together. If you’re withholding these things from her, you’re withholding physical affection that she thrives on. The affection you try to show inside the bedroom will never make up for the physical affection you show her outside the bedroom.

  1. Putting other things first

Of the hundreds of girls you knew and dozens that you dated, your wife was the one you picked to spend the rest of your life with. She needs to know that you still pick her. Every time you check your smartphone when you’re out together or every time you come home late from work without calling you’re sending her a message that she’s not important to you. Consequently, she wonders if you still care about her as much as when you first got married.

Your work is important, but don’t forget what you’re working for. Remember that there’s nothing on your phone that’s more important than what’s going on right around you.

Lastly, Not speaking her language

Women need to know they are loved and that you are grateful for her. You think you’re showing love by going to work every day and bringing home a paycheck, so most of the time you don’t do much more than that (except maybe on Valentine’s Day).

But, she needs more than that to see your love and she needs you to show her that you’re doing it all for her. So take a little extra time and do something special. Send her a couple texts during the day or bring her home some flowers from the grocery store. You might be surprised at the reaction you get.

Source: Familyshare

 

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MEET THE TWO NIGERIAN SISTERS WHO CREATED SUNSCREEN TARGETED SPECIFICALLY AT PROTECTING BLACK SKIN

Nigerian sisters Chinelo Chidozie and Ndidi Obidoa, are very familiar with this struggle. So they started beauty line, Bolden, to help expand the beauty options available to women of color, and support communities that produce shea nuts (which they use in their products) in Burkina Faso. Chinelo and Ndidi used shea butter a lot growing up, so it was only natural that it would play a huge part in their beauty product line.

When their customers started complaining about hyperpigmentation—or, the discoloration of darker skin due to sun exposure, they started investigating why sunblock leaves a white residue on darker skin – one of the reasons why people of color don’t use it.

In an interview with OkayAfrica, Chinelo says:

“A lot of black people don’t wear sunblock because they don’t see the damage immediately. There’s an issue with education around sunscreen in the black community.

Even though skin cancer doesn’t affect people of color as much as it affects people with white skin, that makes it more dangerous because it’s often not caught until it’s in an advanced stage.

[When buying beauty products] I always ask myself, ‘Is this a product that will leave a white cast on me?’ and then I realize, whoever made the sunblock probably didn’t have me in mind. As consumers, we’re so used to trying products to see if they’ll work. In 2017, that’s not okay.”

(Photo: OkayAfrica/Bolden)

(Photo: OkayAfrica/Bolden)

Bolden was created to fill the obvious gap in the beauty product market for people of color, the sunscreen is developed with a formula that acts more like a moisturizer than a sunscreen; it’s a cream-colored serum that dries clear on the skin. Chinelo says:

“We’ve tested it on ourselves and a wide spectrum of skin tones, and the feedback was overwhelmingly positive. Folks are very excited that we are increasing the number of product options that work really well for their skin concerns.”

The sisters are on a mission to make sure that consumers don’t have to settle one-style-fits-all products that don’t suit their needs.

(Photo: OkayAfrica/Bolden)

(Photo: OkayAfrica/Bolden)

Source: Konbini.com

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HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR WHO COULDN’T FIND A DATE TOOK HER COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO PROM AS HER DATE

A young lady was not about to waste time feeling sorry for herself when she was unable to get a date for prom so she did the unexpected and showed up for the event with her Harvard acceptance letter as her date. Priscilla Samey, 17, is an exceptional student who got accepted into 7 out of 8 Ivy league colleges.
However, in spite of her acceptance into these prestigious institutions, the boys in her class did  not accept to go to prom with her, so this daughter of West African immigrants made do with the available.

On the night of prom, Priscilla dressed as beautiful as possible and stepped out with one of her acceptance letters.

She took a photo with the acceptance letter, looking like she did not have a care in the world, and shared it on Twitter with the caption:

“Couldn’t find a man to accept me for prom so I took a college that did #Harvard2021 #prom2k17”.

The tweet blew up really fast and has now garnered 28,000 retweets and 124,000 likes with lots of social

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CISI EZE: THE CHOICE TO STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Your body has become a canvas of red, blue, and black.

Your mind has become a wasteland wrecked by cruel words that fall like hail.

Yet you stay!

You’ve built an altar to that which loathes you (…)

My mind says I should make this a poem.

Loving someone that hates you is stupid, not romantic. Toni Braxton’s “Let It Flow”, which was one of the soundtracks of the movie “Waiting to Exhale”, is very apt for people in abusive romantic relationships.

It goes:

“You see the thing ‘bout love is that it’s not enough if the only thing it brings you is pain. There comes a time we could a make a change. Just let go. Let it flow. Everything is going to turn out right… We all demand respect, but we can’t get respect without change… Sometimes love can work out right; sometimes you’ll never know. But if it brings only pain in your life, don’t be afraid to let it go.”

When Toke Makinwa published her storm-raising memoir, some of us read it and blamed Toke for staying in an abusive relationship. They make it seem as though walking out of an abusive relationship is as easy as eating ipekere. People are stuck in Stockholm.

Emotional Stockholm syndrome is a real thing; however, people that trivialise mental health will dispute this.

Then again, some people romanticise abuse. If you are in doubt, listen to the lyrics of Niyola’s “Toh Bad”. The song goes: “But sometimes it kills me – the kind of things that you do. I’m trying not to cry. Tears are hard to fight. It is hard to let you go (…) I’ve tried to run away from you baby. How can I live without you?”

Well, for starters, there are several reasons, varying from person to person, that explain why people – men and women – stay in abusive romantic relationships. Unfortunately, love is not one of the reasons. Other sinister, negative emotions make us stay. When you consider these factors (emotions), you might not be so quick to victim-blame anyone in an abuse romantic relationship.

Below are few reasons that explain why women stay in abusive romantic relationships:

The first is fear. Fear clips your wings before you know you have the ability to fly. Some of us in abusive relationships are scared of the unknown. The concept of starting anew with someone else could be petrifying. Something about change, a break from routine, is quite daunting. The married ones among us begin to fear what society would say. Society places such importance on marriage, and when your marriage fails, it sees you as a failed woman. There is fear of financial security, too. Not having personal financial strength could hold back a person from leaving an abusive relationship. It could be that he/she gets certain benefits from the abuser.

In a twisted way, imagining our lover in someone else’s arm could stir jealousy in the pit of our stomachs, and we just stay to see if we can it better. Also, feeling we have invested much into a romantic relationship makes us try to make it work. “We have come so far and I just can’t quit. I can’t leave a house because the windows are shattered. I have to stay and fix it.” That is what some people say. But houses are not people. You can fix a house; you cannot fix a person.

Pity is another factor that contributes to people staying with abusive partners. Lover goes on to quote Chicago’s song. “If you leave me now, you’ll take away the biggest part of me. Baby, please, don’t go”.  Abusers are manipulative. They know the right things to say to guilt-trip us into staying with them. We pity them and feel obligated to stay behind because they make it seem as though they have built their world around us.

At times, it could be that a woman is “dickmatised”. The sex is just so good and she does not want to leave. It happens. Talk about toxic, chemical romance.

People in abusive relationships believe they stay for love, but in the real sense, dark emotions are at play. Leaving is not always easy.

Then again, should we feel pity for women that DECIDE to stay in abusive relationships? From the onset, your sixth sense would tell you the person is bad for you. Tell-tale signs float before your eyes. Watch the way they react to other women, especially sex workers. Asides that, it could be that they are manipulative. They seek to control you, too. The prospective lover shows signs of misogyny – talks down your achievements; patronises you; doesn’t listen to you and respect your perspectives; asserts masculinity to the point it stifles you (that is if it is a heterosexual love affair); sees you as a body, not a mind; becomes too possessive. You can’t miss these signs. You don’t stick your finger in fire when you know it is hot, right?

For me, the best we can do for loved ones in abusive romantic relationships is to drag them out of it, because they are not thinking straight. In fact, at that point, your words are like water flowing into a sieve.

Leaving is hard – it is going to hurt so bad, but we all have to leave toxic relationships for the sake of our sanity.

P.S. This post refers to all types of abuse – physical, emotional, and sexual.

P.P.S. Many types of relationship hurt us. They could be romantic, filial, business, or platonic, you name it. There is no point staying in situations that don’t favour us. Maybe we are scared to leave out of fear of the unknown. But “if you never try, you’ll never know”.

P.P.P.S. Men are also victims of abuse in different relationships, but society seems to dismiss and mock men that speak up; hence, men are compelled to suffer in silence, not vent their pain. We need to stop ridiculing men that speak up. Having a penis doesn’t mean one should suffer in silence. Men should be vocal about their issues.

P.P.P.P.S. I’m in an abusive relationship with Arsenal. Why haven’t I left? I don’t even complain about the club anymore because it doesn’t make sense. I mean, I can quit, but I have decided to remain. There is Chelsea and Barca, but look at me. Why do I keep hurting my feelings by myself? Kanu Nwankwo that made me fall in love with Arsenal is no more there, but here we are.

 

Cisi Eze

About Cisi Eze

Cisi is a freelance writer and 2D animator. To kill boredom, she reads anything and everything in sight. Cisi wants to bring positive social change in Nigeria by provoking people to rethink and reconsider certain beliefs they have clutched to their chests like it were a medal. She aims to do this through every form of art at her disposal. Cisi lives in Lagos, Nigeria

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