Lagos State Governor, Akinwunmi Ambode on Friday, November 31st 2018, urged women to rise above all forms of discriminations and ‘weaker sex’ tag and truly play their role as change agents, saying such was necessary to transform Nigeria starting from the family unit.
Speaking at the closing ceremony of the 2018 National Women’s Summit of Oyo State Officials’ Wives Association (OYSOWA) held at University of Ibadan Conference Centre, Governor Ambode said it was important for the Nigerian women to recognize the fact that the world was changing, and that they must use their influence to bring about positive change that would in turn cascade into every strata of the society.
According to the Governor,
“the world is changing everyday and women are now in the forefront of things. Women are now agents of change and are no longer referred to as the “weaker sex”.
“So, they must never see themselves as oppressed or discriminated against. Every woman can be an agent of change. The society is built on a small unit called the family where the woman has great influence.
“From the family unit, every woman can initiate or spark change which can cascade upwards to every level and every sector of the nation. With focus, determination and perseverance, you can transform yourselves, your families, your communities and our country, against all odds.
“There will always be odds facing us; odds against our aspirations, our dreams, our objectives. But we cannot use these as excuses. The world we live in today does not take excuses. The world does not recognize efforts but results. So, against all odds, we must push forward, with a strong desire, and determination to succeed.
“I know our women face a lot of odds. Different, difficult challenges come your way every day. But my message to you today; and I am sure that is the message of this Summit, is that you can overcome all the challenges and triumph in all your endeavours,” Governor Ambode said.
Lola Okoye has come out to explain how she handles all the negativity around her.
The beautiful mother of two and wife to singer, Peter Okoye (Mr P) made this known via her Instagram page on Tuesday, November 27, 2018.
In a long post, Lola said
“what people think about you is none of your business. This constant need for validation from random people is so unhealthy”, she said
“People send me DM’s asking me how I remain sane and composed when so much negativity is thrown my way and my answer to you is simple: Anger only hurts you! What people think of you is none of your business, you just need to live your truth! When your sense of satisfaction and self-worth is derived from the opinions of strangers then truly you are not in control of your happiness. This constant need of validation from randoms is so unhealthy. We are always told to stay away from negative vibes or negative people but then how will you grow your Love and Compassion if there is no one to upset you, hate you, hurt you or rub you the wrong way?
“Only YOU are responsible for your pyschic hygiene, only you can clear and fill your energy with love and goodness every day, no one can do it for you and you can only do so through life experiences good and bad. Aim to be kind to your enemies and haters. Your acts of kindness are never wasted because ultimately, God sees your heart and that is really what matters at the end of the day. Wishing you a blessed week my Insta-fam! ❤❤❤ #lollipop #truth #love,” she wrote.
Mo’Cheddah is a name that rings nostalgic bells for followers of the Nigerian music industry in the mid 2000s.
The talented rapper/singer and fashion designer soon exited the scene at a point when she was seen as the next big thing.
In a recent edition of the Dang Monologue, Mo’Cheddah opens up on her career, her battles and how she wanted to take her life at some point.
”I have been active in the music industry since I was 12,” she said, ”When I say actively, I mean going to the studio…I always knew what I wanted to do… Music was my life, it was what I wanted to do and It was easy for my parents to support me.
The day I recorded ‘Won Beri’, my life changed in an instant. I was 16 and the lady that was supposed to record the song didn’t show up, so they asked me to come record this thing pending the time she shows up, so I entered the booth and sang but nobody thought it sounded that good, until Sauce Kid [now Sinzu] came and asked, who sang this hook.
I didn’t need to be in the video, but Clarence Peters was like, the whole of Nigeria has been asking who is she and that changed my career.
She speaks on the part of the industry she wasn’t prepared for
”I was brought up to be very honest, to be very proud of my emotions, brought up to make my own decisions… I was coming from a naive, God-fearing family and I went into the world of adults and I was thrown into a jungle and people didn’t care if I was 16, they attacked me.
The industry was hostile… I would be performing and they would turn off my microphone because the A-list artist doesn’t like me. I didn’t get it, i didn’t know there was hate… I never knew hate…
There was one day I looked at my Mum and told her ”You taught me everything about love but you did not teach me to hate.” I don’t know why she did not, but the truth is there is hate in the world, so I went into the industry thinking everybody loved everybody. I didn’t understand that hate.
The day I won the Channel O award, that was around when Twitter came out and people I knew started dragging me online. People started asking why I won the award, people starting questioning me and carrying stories around me.
How do I meet a legend and I kneel down to say hi to her and she is like ”Get off me”, a woman I have looked up to for years, the industry was hostile.”
What broke me?
”What broke me was that when I left my label… people chose to pick sides and obviously it wasn’t mine.
I will never forget I was in my bedroom and I broke down. It was a week of shows and I was at home for that day, the next day I was to go to Ghana and I got a BBM that you had to come to the studio right now.
I just wanted to lay down, I was to go to Ghana the next day to record and perform, I just wanted to lay down… and it all dawned on me at that moment that I wasn’t living and even if I got to that place I was going, I will be so sad and miserable.
I was crying and I told my then boyfriend, [my husband now] and I told him I didn’t want to do this anymore.
There was a big family meeting and I told my Mum to get me a lawyer… so I have known these men since I was like three, I have known them, they were amazing to me and they came for me because of money, at that time I was 21 and I was fighting a legal battle with people I called my brothers.
That was when I knew the world was really messed up, that was when I knew I was on my own. I was poor, I won’t say I was depressed because I was famous and poor because my parents didn’t teach me to value money. I will be on a bus and someone will look at me like Mo Cheddah, why are you on a bus?
On depression and contemplating suicide
”I felt as I had failed, especially because I had thought that business will pick up. They had so much hate for me, they started bad-mouthing me to people to companies, to producers, so I was kind of blacklisted, so you know all that time people were saying, where is Mo’Cheddah, nobody wanted to work with me because they hated me and they wanted to do everything in their power to ruin me and I felt God forsook me, sadness consumed me.
I googled ”there is this darkness inside me” and I saw a lot of people had it, they were talking about depression.
The only reason I did not kill myself, first I didn’t know how I will kill myself. I thought about it so many times… I thought of drowning myself in the 3rd Mainland bridge, at times I wanted it to be quick, so I will be praying that God should just kill me.
All I had to do was understand that as long as I was at peace with this person, every other thing will be OK. I live to be happy.” she concluded.
It’s tempting to date a co-worker, especially if you work long hours and spend more time with your colleagues than with your friends. “There is something about constantly interacting with someone that creates kinship,” says Mirande Valbrune, an attorney and author of #MeToo: A Practical Guide to Navigating Today’s Cultural Workplace Revolution. “You realize you get along and you make each other laugh, and you do all these things that make people interested in one another.”
Valbrune suggests asking these five questions before you go on your first date with a co-worker.
What is my relationship history?
“If you’re the type of person who can say all of your past relationships ended amicably then maybe you can be more open to an office romance,” Valbrune says. But, if your relationships tend to have a dramatic and contentious ending, you probably want to steer clear of dating a co-worker.
What is my co-worker’s relationship history?
You should exercise extra caution when deciding whether to get involved with someone at your office, Valbrune says. Take the time to evaluate whether you are compatible. Ask about their dating history. Determine if they seem aggressive, possessive or needy. If the answer is yes, you might want to look for romance outside the office.
What is my company’s policy on office romances?
Many companies require employees to disclose a relationship between a supervisor and a worker so that the company can change the reporting relationship to avoid any actual favoritism or the appearance of favoritism, Valbrune says. However, if you are co-workers, the company might still recommend that you disclose the relationship but not require it.
What is our professional relationship?
Even if you’re peers, your work relationship might not be on equal footing. For instance, one of you could have more seniority. One of you could be a position with more status. Even if you’re on different teams, you might interact with each other. For instance, one of you could have the ability to influence the other’s assignments, workload or promotion.
Is this office romance worth the risk?
Think critically before starting an office romance, Valbrune warns, particularly if your company has rules against co-workers dating. “There are definitely benefits if the relationship goes well,” she says. “But you don’t want a casual hook up at the workplace.” It might not be worth the risk if there isn’t a strong interest that will lead to a lasting relationship, she cautions.
Credit: Forbes, Mirande Valbrune, Lisa Rabasca Roepe
Sometimes back, a mate of mine said that she does not like relating with people who had offended her in the past. She said it so poignantly that I had to truly look at her like I was seeing her for the first time. Another spoke so terribly about people that I wondered if she herself came from a race higher than that of humans, or lived among animals. Funny, right?
Almost everywhere you go, you’ll find a man that tries to put his neighbours down. There’s always a fault somewhere. Different narratives about different sets of people in different contexts.
Countless, these narratives are. Is it the one about men? That all men are scum? That all men are misogynistic? Sadist? Sexually pervasive? Egoistic? Immoral? Wicked in their core? Or is it the lie wound around women? That beautiful ones are senseless and the sensible ones are ugly? That women are full of deceit and trickery? That they are the ones responsible for every man’s downfall on the earth? That they have no usefulness apart from being a homemaker?
Or is it the one about men and women in different professions? The promiscuity of doctors and nurses? The deceit of lawyers? The fraud of bankers? The selfishness of politicians? The seductiveness of actresses? The adulterous nature of CEOs and managers? The immorality of artistes? The hypocrisy of spiritual leaders? The list is endless .
Some of these narratives were among the materials that laid our foundation, some we grew into, some we formed for ourselves, some we learnt in school, some we acquired from our interpretation or misinterpretation of the Holy books. When all these keep flying around without end, and even more are added to the league, why will a man not see his fellow human as a potentially dangerous enemy’s? In fact,a dangerous being either with proof or not.
Yes. Some policemen are wolves in human skin. But much more are worthy, in fact, worthier of their profession. Yes. Some ladies are the female version of the devil. But much more have brought so much glory and dignity to the human race. Yes. Some politicians are not even worthy of being referred to as animals, as animals are wiser than they. But much more are striving to truly establish a true government. Some actresses and dogs are of the same sexual value. But much more have attained a high pedestal by their pure efforts. Nothing more, nothing less. And the list, also, is endless. So endless.
So you see, there is still hope in us, in fact, something greater.
Humanity is not dammed, has never been and will never be. There are bad people, but there are also good people. Everything has an opposite version. And as long as there is evil, there will always be light. No conclusion from someone who believes all is lost for humanity is to be believed, because such has not met every one neither has he seen what lies in every heart.
Never, for once, let it enter your mind that humanity is damned. Like Mahatma Gandhi said: ” You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
Making Life More Meaningful
I prepared a speech for an occasion and the content really touched me. Here’s it.
How do we make life more meaningful?
It’s about building homes and making families wherever we are. Take, for instance, a child is given birth to and reared for, say, two years within the confines of the mother’s arms. Then he goes from creche to nursery to primary and secondary schools and finally to the university. Even if he might have lived part of his life with his family, he’d probably spend 13 to 15 hours with outsiders–teachers, classmates, friends, etc.
At a close examination still, you find that the majority of the time in your life is spent with those who are not family. Since this is so, why don’t we make the most of life by building families wherever you may be?
A place of love, care, comfort, laughter, forgiveness, support, solace – that’s what family is, that’s what a home connotes. Being and building homes are about being that trustworthy person people can share deep secrets with, that honest person who doesn’t stab friends in the back, that provider who meets the needs of others in their own little way, that friend in need, that friend indeed. You won’t carry your home everywhere you go, and your family won’t follow you wherever you go. Why not live life in such a way that wherever you may be, amidst friends, colleagues, neighbours, in Nigeria, out of Nigeria, you’re home, you’re with family?
In essence, I write this to propel us all to be and build a home away from home, a family away from family. Only then will Life be much more meaningful.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Oyindamola Grace Osinubi is a student of the University of Ibadan, an aspiring author and a writer.
A 68-year old Makueni woman who sat for the Kenya Certificate of Primary (KCPE) exam in 2018 has announced she will proceed to join secondary school irrespective of her age.
Veronica Kaleso sat for the final primary education test at Unoa Primary School and scored 143 marks alongside her 13-year-old granddaughter who beat her by scoring 385 marks in the same exam whose results were released on Monday, November 19.
Kaleso could not hide her joy after scoring the marks which she said surpassed her expectations.
Veronica Kaleso who was a KCPE candidate at Unoa primary school scored 143 marks out of the maximum possible 500.
“I am happy with my results because I did not expect to score those marks, remember I’m old and determined to proceed with education’‘, she said.
The mother of 10 and grandmother of 24 who studied from home despite having registered at Unoa Primary School in Kenya, said she had began plans to ensure she joins high school in 2019 to advance her studies.
“I am determined to join secondary school and perform better. If I excel four years, later I will not hesitate to join university. That is my dream and my age won’t hinder me,” she said.
Kaleso said she dropped out of school when she was a standard five pupil at Kyamuthei Primary School in 1969 for lack of fees.
Speaking in English, a language she said she had begun to master, Kaleso said she went back to school in order to manage her workers who used to take advantage of her illiteracy to swindle resources from her farm. “I am a farm manager and I normally lose a lot of money since my employees and customers steal from me. They take advantage of my illiteracy,” said Kaleso.
Kerry Donovan, Tammy Story, Faith Winter, Jessie Danielson and Brittany Pettersen, “The Fab Five,” are all longtime friends, serving as bridesmaids in each other’s weddings, and now they’ve all been elected as state senators in Colorado.
The women supported each other during their campaign, Winter shared while speaking to People. She said:
Through the campaign, the five of us were very supportive of each other. We had several text chains where we would check in with one another and see how we were doing.”
If a particularly bad ad or piece of mail came out. We would reassure each other on the text chain, “Have you seen the mail? It’s so awful, how are you doing?”
Danielson shared that the wins were “pretty amazing,” and her and her friends “were all in it together.”
Donovan discussed how it was important to have friends who were going through the same struggles, who could relate with the difficult parts of the journey.
Our families are incredibly supportive, but it’s not their name on the thousands of pieces of mail going out or on the TV. So being able to talk to them, and they are going through the exact same thing, it was so supportive.
“Smile when that smile can be returned…” she said, barely containing her tears.
This was earlier in the week when Lydia, a Kenyan acquaintance shared with a number of us the story of her life. Married in 1998, and blessed with two daughters soon after, the first curve ball off left field came in the shape of meningitis. She found herself bedridden, with no brain functions, no sight, no mobility. “I was a cabbage,” she said, recalling over half a year in hospital spent with no improvement and no hope of recovery.
Eight months after her admission, with insurance payments running out, she had to be moved back home. “I knew I was in familiar surroundings, but not much else. I still couldn’t see my husband or my children,” she said of the time. Until one day praying with neighbourhood women who had come to support her, her vision came back all of a sudden. Then she realised, even with some difficulty, she could move. She called her husband to break the good news.
Then for months, she worked on rebuilding a broken life. Slowly she regained her speech, her mobility, her life. Once an eloquent speaker on international platforms, she had to go back to school to learn the basics of the English language.
Just when she was back on her feet, hard at work, in November 2002, she had another health scare where she spent two weeks in hospital. At this point, not certain whether she would regress, she had already started planning for her death. “I even had picked my husband’s next wife for after I’d died,” she jokes, “I told him, a year after my death, he should marry her. I also told him she had better treat my daughters well or I would come and haunt them from beyond the grave.”
Yet life had another card up her sleeve. She was blindsided just two weeks after, death calling at her door in a way she had not expected.
“It was a public holiday that day,” she recalls, “I’d woken up early to see my husband off. He was going to a village for business. This time around he didn’t tell me where he was going. He assured me he would be back in late afternoon and we could go out for dinner in the evening. I had an uneasy feeling, as if I wanted to run after his car and stop him, but I thought I was being foolish and went back to sleep.”
She woke up again at 9am with a bad headache and an even worse feeling in her gut, but it wasn’t until noon she would get a call from the police asking her to come to the mortuary to identify her husband. He was killed in a car crash soon after 9am.
“At 8am I was a wife,” she says, “At 9am I wasn’t.” Death had caught her unaware. It was another decade of building her life, raising her kids singlehandedly while shutting the outside world out, battling in grief and finding solace in long hours in the office, all the while questioning her faith and asking God, “Why me?” Today, she knows the lesson and she shares so generously.
“Smile when your smile can be returned. Give flowers when they can be received. Show someone you care when they are there. And ladies, appreciate your husbands when you have them.”
Isn’t there such power in those words? By the time she was finished telling her story, there was not a dry eye in the room. Not just because we felt her pain, but also because she was like any one of us. Any one of us could have gone to sleep on Friday, or a Saturday or any other given day a wife, and woken up an hour later a widow. A daughter, then not. A sister, then not. A mother… and in a spilt second not. Such is the threadbare line that is life, with death lurking in the nooks and crannies ready to jump on us and break that line, throwing into ricochet all the things we hold true about ourselves and our loved ones.
So, in Lydia’s words, “Smile when that smile can be returned…”
with Women Of Rubies, Emotions Doctor, Oyinkansola Alabi, shed more light into depression, its symptoms, and cure.
She said:
*Depression feeds on rumination and a pre-occupation with self. It can also progress from a state of cluelessness, hopelessness, depression, suicidal thoughts and then suicide.
*Social media has amplified insecurity and esteem issues. However, social media is a double edged sword. You decide its cause and effects. It can either empower or disempower you based on your
relationship with it.
*Anger isn’t equal to depression. You can control anger by deploying a tool called the PAUSE THERAPY. Always pause before you speak, while you speak, and after speaking to be sure you just made sense. Practice this pause therapy for at least six seconds daily.
*Quite a number of depressed souls are aware. However, you can slide
into depression without knowing. You can become unhappy, discont,
clueless, or hopeless.
*Stay away from disempowering thoughts. The truth is, we are all
STORYTELLERS and our life responds or reacts in the direction of our
stories, internal communication, internal representations and
conversations within.
*Understand that happiness is intrinsic not extrinsic. If we depend on
external interference as a source of happiness, we may never be happy.
During a Q&A interactive session with Women Of Rubies, Online marketing professional and LinkedIn Influencer, Kayode Abass talked about why it is important to be on LinkedIn and also shared some nuggets on how to get started.
He shared:
*The most important part of your LinkedIn profile is your profile
photo and your headline. It’s the first thing people use to judge if
you are worth connecting with. It creates the first impression and
first impressions last.
*Your LinkedIn profile helps you build trust. It shows you do indeed exist.
*To make your profile relevant, you need to fill all your information
on your profile, you need to get your colleagues and customers to
recommend and endorse you and you need to publish contents on
LinkedIn. If you do those, people will start seeing you on their
time-limes.
*Build relationships and network on LinkedIn. Don’t wait till you’ve
been laid off from work or till you have a product and service you
want to sell. Build relationships and network before those things
happen. LinkedIn groups are a great way to build relationships and
network with people who share the same interests as you.
*Your LinkedIn profile is what clients and prospective employers see
when they google search your name (Go to Google.com, search for your
name and see). Recruiters and companies now fully rely on LinkedIn
instead of the old fashioned way to recruit candidates.
*It is possible to schedule posts for personal page and business page
using Buffer and Hootsuite. I use the two for my clients and they run
smoothly.
*LinkedIn allows you to add your other social media account links to
your profile. If you need a job, you will need to find and connect
with the right people on LinkedIn. You will need to connect with and
build relationships with HRs especially.
