self development Archives

In self development May 24, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“I WAS TERRIFIED I WOULD LOSE THIS BABY”… AMERICAN TV HOST, TAMRON HALL ON HAVING A BABY AT AGE 48

American television host Tamron Hall is opening up about giving birth at 48 and some of the complications she face.

Tamron and her son Moses, whom she welcomed on April 24 with her husband Steven Greener, appears on the cover of this week’s PEOPLE magazine.

“I knew that the clock was not on my side,” Tamron Hall tells PEOPLE, saying Moses’ birth was worth every bit of time, effort and patience it took.

Before Moses’ birth, Tamron wasn’t so sure his arrival was even possible.

“I was high-risk, not just because of my age, but there were other medical factors too,” she said.

Tamron revealed she was pregnant in March when the pregnancy was 32 weeks.

“My doctor said, ‘This is your body, your health. You share of your journey what you want to share.’ I was terrified I would lose this baby and I would have to go back and tell everyone that now it was bad news, and after this pregnancy had gone so far,” she recalls

“I just wasn’t mentally prepared to deal with that,” she continues. “That’s why I waited. And trust me — if I could’ve gone the whole way to delivery, I would’ve.”

Tamron also opened up about trying fertility treatments in her 30s, which failed, and she tried again in her 40s.

“I knew that the clock was not on my side. When I tried in my 30s, I still felt like I had some time, and the fertility clinic felt like a bright room. In my 40s I saw all the gray: The faces looked gray, the walls were gray, nothing seemed shiny and optimistic.”

“Just like with my job search during that time, there were so many frustrations: I’m putting in the work, I’m taking care of my mind and my body and I’m being rejected,” she continues. “I’m thinking, ‘Wait a minute. What have I done wrong here?’ Somehow, like Rocky, I kept getting up.”

On the career front, Tamron is getting ready to host her own syndicated talk show, set to premiere on September 9. She had left her spot on NBC’s Todayshow in February 2017.

“When I left NBC, I said, ‘I look forward to the next chapter.’ People assumed that I meant work, and I did, but by the third month I knew that my life had to be about something bigger than work.

“My story is not one I could’ve ever expected. Two and a half years ago when I walked out of that NBC building, I was in a fog, not knowing that so many of us lose things we think are important, and we have no idea that something better is right there.

“I’m from the South, and there’s a saying: ‘It’s not a setback; it’s a setup for something else.’ That loss set me up for, yes, a dream job but also my baby, my husband, my family. I just couldn’t see it coming,” she says.

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development May 22, 2019 By Women of Rubies

MEET THE 3 KENYAN WOMEN IN FASHION COLLABORATING FOR THE CULTURE

In 2009, Nelly Tuikong was a nurse in America but there was something tugging at her heart about makeup for the African woman.

Her entrepreneurial instincts kicked in after looking around stores for makeup that suited her African skin and didn’t find any.

With no prior knowledge in manufacturing makeup, but armed with a passion, Nelly started her journey that birthed Pauline Cosmetics (named after her mother) after three years of learning, research, and trials.

Pauline Cosmetics is a makeup brand that designs, develops and manufactures makeup products with the African woman in mind.

The brand has now grown to become an established makeup brand with a line of lipstick, lip-gloss, eye shadow, and mascara.

Enter Caroline Mutoko, a celebrated renowned media personality, a woman of her own caliber.

With more than 20 years of experience in the media, her name speaks for her in the Kenyan entertainment industry. Caroline Mutoko also has a YouTube channel where she takes the spotlight that is on her and shines it on you.

In 2017, she was featuring Kenyan women who were making strides and shattering glass ceilings on her YouTube channel. One of these women happened to be Nelly Tuikong of Pauline Cosmetics.

In November 2018, Caroline Mutoko challenged Nelly to work with her to come up with a lipstick line for all the women who are ‘becoming, women in different spaces and phases of their lives and for every woman in you. This brought about the I AM limited edition lipstick.

To add more synergy to this powerful collaboration, these two amazing women, Pauline, and Caroline Mutoko, didn’t just stop there.

They collaborated with Wandia Gichuru of Vivo Woman to distribute the limited edition lipstick in 8 of the Vivo Woman stores in Nairobi. Wandia Gichuru has rewritten the narrative of modern day fashion.

She founded Vivo active wear in 2011 to offer comfortable casual wear for the sporty woman and official clothing for the professional woman.

Here are the 5 things I have learned from the partnership of these three glamorous women.

1. Collaborate instead of compete

An African proverb says “If you want to go fast if you want to go far, go together”.

Nothing is better than working with other women who get your perspective and challenges you face as a woman in business.

2. Have a defined purpose and vision

When you have every partner pulling in different directions, there is bound to be no progress. To collaborate, you need to have a clear and shared vision and an agreed direction on how to achieve it.

3. Bring a unique value

Each partner should bring a differentiating factor into the equation. This helps to ensure that you do not view each other as competition.

4. Have mutual benefits

The partnership should be beneficial to all partners. This removes the perception that one person is bearing a bigger load than the other.

5. There is room for more than one queen

There is no winner takes all award in entrepreneurship. As women, we need to get over this attitude and view women as a community to help each other grow and not competition.

“My advice to girls is always this: Be supportive of each other. I can’t say this enough. We have to be our best friends, each other. That means we cannot be catty, we cannot compete and see one person’s failure as our success.
We can all rise together, we can all win!
We’re sometimes taught in our societies that we have to compete and we have to hold each other back in order for one of us to succeed.
That is not true. We need each other.
And all over the world, we have to be a team of women and girls who love each other and value each other and cherish one another.
Because if we don’t cherish each other, no one else will,” – Michelle Obama

Credit: sheleadsafrica.org

In self development May 21, 2019 By Women of Rubies

JADA PINKETT OPENS UP ON HER PAST ADDICTION TO PORN

In a new episode of Red Table Talk, Jada Pinkett Smith opens up about her past addiction to porn, at a point in her life when she was trying to practice abstinence.

The 47-year-old actress explained:

I wasn’t in a relationship when I had a porn addiction, believe it or not, thank goodness…I actually feel like I was using ‘addiction’ a little lightly. And maybe I’ll say now that I had an unhealthy relationship to porn at one point in my life where I was trying to practice abstinence. It was actually like filling an emptiness, at least you think it is…It gives you false expectations as far as sexual interaction. I can definitely see with men: how a woman should always be willing and ready, he should be able to have sex however he wants anywhere and any position, anywhere, and you should enjoy it no matter what.

While talking to her daughter Willow and mother Adrienne, Jada also went on to discuss the detrimental effects of porn on a person’s career and personal relationships.

Watch below.

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development May 20, 2019 By Women of Rubies

CHIMAMANDA ADICHIE HONORED WITH DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF HUMANE LETTERS AT GEORGETOWN COLLEGE

Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie served as a speaker and honorary degree recipient for the 2019 Georgetown College Commencement ceremonies this weekend, on May 18.

After speaking at the commencement ceremony, Chimamanda received the doctor of humane letters, honoris causa degree.

She also holds the same degree from Johns Hopkins, Haverford College, the University of Edinburgh, and Amherst College.

Georgetown College Dean, Chris Celenza, says:

“We are so proud to have Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie join us for the 2019 College Commencement. Her fiction and non-fiction works have spoken to countless people about the value, the power, and the meaningfulness of differences. In doing so, she has taught us all about the full dimensions of humanity.”

See more photos from the event below.

Photo Credit: @chimamanda_adichie

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development May 20, 2019 By Women of Rubies

NIGERIAN WOMAN, OLUWATOBI AL-BAKARE BECOMES 2ND LIEUTENANT OF THE US ARMY

Nigerian woman identified as Oluwatobi Al-Bakare has become a Second Lieutenant of the United States Army. The woman was commissioned on Thursday, May 16.

Her success story was shared on Twitter by her husband, Olatunde Bakare. Olatunde Bakare had taken to Twitter to celebrate his beautiful wife for her accomplishment at the United States Army.

The husband shared photos of his wife dressed in her official army uniform as she gets commissioned at the student center ballroom A in Bowie State University in George’s County, Maryland. The woman was celebrated by her husband who showed her off on social media.

The spring 2019 commissioning ceremony had taken place around 1:00pm. Bakare celebrated his wife and congratulated her in his tweet.

He said: “My amazing wife @TobyAlmaroof will be commissioning today as a Second Lieutenant of the United States Army. Couldn’t be prouder of her accomplishments. Congratulations baby girl.”

The woman is also a hijab wearing army officer.

Source: Oluwatobi Saudat Almaroof-Bakare

In self development May 20, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

YEWANDE JINADU: THESE 9 TIPS WILL HELP YOU GET YOUR WORK WEEK STARTED WITH A BANG!

The ability to work effectively with others on a task involves learning to listen well, respecting the opinions of others, communicating effectively and embracing each other’s strength to accomplish a goal.

So you just got a new job and you’re wondering what to do to be successful on the job? This article seeks to address necessary skills you would need to be successful on a job regardless of the level of your role.

Ability to handle pressure

If you work in a fast paced environment, you’re most likely to work under extreme pressure. This means having to deal with constraints out of your control. Unexpected events or problems are bound to come up in the workplace, you should learn how to work well in these circumstances, so you don’t panic or lose sight of the job.

Collaboration/Team work

Most workplace environment involves relating to different kinds of people. The ability to work effectively with others on a task involves learning to listen well, respecting the opinions of others, communicating effectively and embracing each other’s strength to accomplish a goal.

Self-Management/Motivation

The ability to manage yourself to accomplish the required task is important for success on the role. No manager would like to manage someone that would need frequent hand holding. You need to take the initiative and be accountable for every success or failure. In a workplace where most employees are dissatisfied for various reasons which tend to affect productivity, self-motivation is an important skill to develop which gives you the strength to perform exceptionally.

Flexibility

The workplace is constantly changing and only people who are flexible enough to the changes will thrive. You have to be willing and able to adapt in order to meet individual and business needs.

Ability to accept criticism

Nobody is totally perfect, so there would be instances were colleagues and bosses would be direct with you and tell you as it is. Some may be emotionally intelligent to make it constructive while some may not be. Learn to take corrections and avoid justifying or making excuses. Learn from the mistakes and move on. Don’t weep over spilled milk.

Emotional intelligence

Fundamental aspects of emotional intelligence include empathy, self-awareness, social skills, self-regulation and motivation. Being emotionally intelligent helps you to understand your emotions, manage your emotions as well as manage other emotions.

Time management

This is an important skill to have, especially when there are numerous tasks within a limited time frame. One thing that has helped me is having a To-Do list. This helps me ensure that I am deliberate in all my activities. Google Calendar is a lifesaver, but most people think it’s too much stress to use it.

Every morning, I write down my tasks, set a timeline for myself, fix some on my calendar, leave some allowance for distractions and stick with it.

Also, learn to say no to things. Learn to prioritize; and most importantly, avoid unnecessary distractions that eat into your time.

Problem solving

Problems will definitely arise in the workplace and you were employed to solve a problem if not, you won’t be hired. For me, a star employee is someone that sees a solution in every problem. Have the mindset that nothing is impossible and work towards it. If you’re the kind of person that always goes back to their boss for issues when they arise, you may have a problem. Go with possible solutions and steps you have taken to address an issue.

Source: Bellanaija

In self development May 19, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

“DON’T EVER THINK THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE ARE MORE INTELLIGENT OR BETTER THAN YOU ”- MO ABUDU

On a recent Instagram post, Mo Abudu shared tips on how we can overcome our fears and start achieving successes. Above all, the need to believe we are as important like the important people we look up to.

Read her note here

….. I have said it time and time again, IF YOUR DREAMS DO NOT SCARE YOU, THEN THEY ARE SIMPLY NOT BIG ENOUGH!!! Please be rest assured that FEAR is part of the process.

Often times fear is caused by a lack of preparation. Overcoming fear is about being prepared and mapping out your plan. This leads me to the most popular reason you all gave for not achieving your dreams–PROCRASTINATION!!!

I strongly believe FEAR AND PROCRASTINATION work hand in hand. Once you map out your plan and start to work your plan – taking it in baby steps or big leaps and jumps depending on how you approach things, you will start to see progress. This is where PROCRASTINATION ends!!! As I always say, “IF YOU CAN THINK IT – YOU CAN DO IT”.

The challenge is how many of us are moving beyond “thinking” – we have to get up and “Do It”. Please do not be fooled by thinking the most successful people in this world are more intelligent than you or better than you – the secret is that they get up and “do” everyday! Never giving up! Never getting tired! Never taking no for an answer. This is the key to success. So please start drawing up those plans now and start doing!#MoAbudu

In self development September 1, 2020 By Women of Rubies

ESTHER IJEWERE : DON’T BE ASHAMED TO SEEK HELP WHEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED

At exactly 10:42pm on 8th of March 2017, I wrote “Heaven I need a Hug” on my wall , perhaps I needed a hug considering the fact that I have several back logs and I was stressed at the time, but beyond that I wanted to see how people will respond , I wasn’t disappointed with the number of e-hugs I received within thirty minutes BUT two friends had to slide to my inbox and asked me to put down the post, one said it showed too much emotions and the other said “you are too strong to be perceived like a weak woman Esther , bring it down its not good for your brand”. Wetin concern personal brand with emotions ogini?

This is exactly the reason why people suffer and die in silence , imagine if all the people who committed suicide recently put up a post similar to mine just to let people know they need help and get such response from their friends?

Please let’s allow people express themselves on social media the way and manner they like, as a matter of fact I want to encourage anyone who is down, depressed or about to give it all up , put up a post and let’s know what you are going through , sometimes the closet people to us are our biggest problem and you cant tell your problem to a problem, it’s fine to seek help on Facebook or any other social media platform or other direct means.

Feel free to write messages such as :

“I am Depressed”
“I need help”
“I need to talk to someone ”
“Please help”
“I need a therapist”
“I need a counsellor ”
Etc etc etc

Just express yourself however you feel and I am sure someone out there will reach out to you. I am positive we have good people who truly care in Nigeria, all you need to reach them is to SPEAK UP!

I have been down that road before, and it’s not just being depressed because life happened or stress, I was in my world, the over analysing and over thinking stage where you feel living isn’t worth it anymore, and I don’t pray to ever go there again, I was in self denial of my state of mind till a true friend who didn’t judge me asked that I seek help from a therapist . I am a survivor, no shame at all, and a proud Mental health advocate for She Writes Woman

If you need to talk to someone about your problems please reach out to the following people: Hauwa Ojeifo, Oyinkansola Alabi, Praise Fowowe , Laila St. Matthew-Daniel, Pamela Udoka.

I have a listening ear , I will give you a hug, give you my time and attention, walk you through the process but sadly I can’t offer you the professional help you need like the above mentioned persons. Please don’t die in silence , reach out, SPEAK UP and don’t let depression and suicide win.

Kindly add names of other therapist in the comment section ???.

Please seek help….

You are not alone…..

In self development May 17, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“SOCIAL MEDIA HAS BEEN TERRIBLE” -SELENA GOMEZ

Selena Gomez is voicing her concern about the “terrible” effect that social media has had on her generation, and says she advocates taking breaks from the platforms.

Gomez who is the third most followed person on Instagram after soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo and pop singer Ariana Grande, said during a press conference at the Cannes Film Festival that she gets “scared” when she looks at the exposure of young girls and boys on those platforms.

“They’re not aware of the news or anything going on. It’s selfish I don’t wanna say selfish because it feels rude but it’s dangerous for sure. I think our world is going through a lot, obviously. But for my generation, specifically, social media has been terrible,” she said.

Asked what more she could do to improve the social media environment, given her large following, Gomez said it is “impossible” at this point to make it safe. She also said she tries to be conscious when posting on Instagram, to avoid putting unnecessary pressure on her fans.

“I’m very grateful I have the platform in any way, I can still share things I’m passionate about. I don’t do a lot of pointless pictures. I like to be intentional with it.” “I see these young girls, I’ll meet them and they’re just devastated dealing with bullying and not being able to have their own voice” she said.

Gomez also called on people to take breaks in social media use:

“It can be great in moments, but I would just be careful and allow yourself some time limits when you should use it and when not.”

Credit: LIB

In self development May 14, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

WHY BEING IGNORED AT WORK IS THE WORST, AND HOW TO DEAL WITH IT

You are offered a nice job position, in a nice communication agency, well located. You feel great.This was supposed to be the biggest announcement of 2019 so far.

First day : everyone is smiling at you, welcoming, but you don’t know how to act, feeling everyone’s look upon you. 15 days later, you’re done. Nobody speaks to you.

My first (and peculiar) reaction : asking Google about that. Because that state of loneliness hit me so hard that something in my head told be to check on the internet if I could share this with other people. I found several psychological/kind of depressing articles, but didn’t find anything appropriate. These were just a bunch of people complaining without giving advices about it.

Being connected to a social circle has never been so important as far as Facebook, Twitter Instagram or Snapchat have (or at least one of them) taken over our lives. (Really ?). But Internet is another problem.

At work, indifference is the greatest contempt

People at work can be even more cruel and can really destroy you for no particular reason. When you’re highly implicated, work hard, do the best you can and all of a sudden you feel so bad because you see people gathering themselves to talk, make private jokes, working (or acting like working) closely together, trust me, it is normal to feel left behind.

Welcome to ostracism. A land where your imagination is tortured everyday. It is not about being sensitive, because sensitivity is different from one person to another. It is strictly about being ignored.

So how can you handle at work ?

Right now, your boss is not talking to you anymore, and you’re one of these scared “millenial” that thinks that work should be a place where you can express yourself, in a blossoming workspace, with some intricate and thrilling frameworks, imagining stories that matters. And you’re not doing any of these things. You’re not fitting to the work spirit of the company, and now, panic-stricken.

All social interactions with your coworkers are slowly going down, to the point of not even saying “hello/goodbye”. It’s going wrong for real. And this ostracism can lead to depression, because feeling useless and hopeless

1 — Stop complaining

Did I mention that I’m French ?
I think it is truly specific to my country. People are complaining every minute in advertising/digital agencies. About clients, about emails, about the amount of work, about the boss… This is clearly annoying. Their time spent complaining could be used doing real-work no ?

So if you’re being ostracized, be strong, and simply face this fact as it is. Being down-to-earth is very useful when facing that kind of situation. It is important to visualise the situation to better go forward and being less stressful.

2 — Dig up your mind

Ok so, now that you have understood the situation, let the anger and worries go and stop trying to make clumsy conclusions or getting ahead of yourself, asking “but why is this happening, what did I do, did I made something wrong, maybe I’m not good enough…” In every overrated advertising agencies, people are mostly the same, so you will face this situation in every one of them. Just sayin’. I’ve been working in agencies for 4 years, and it’s been exactly the same, most of the people are faking work.

“Think outside the box, make things that change things” (and other posh mottos), they said. Agencies are mainly copy and paste. They are baking and re-baking ideas since 1980’s, but with higher prices, using the same Istock / Getty / Shutterstock/ Thinkstock image banks. Using the same reportings with so low Facebook interactions, not even asking themselves what people would like to see when interacting with brands. It is really funny since I’m writing this from my desk, in a nice advertising agency, observing people writing emails, sending Gif or tagging themselves on the last Tasty recipe on Facebook.

If you are feeling alone and like you’re in the spam box, it’s seriously no big deal. You have now time to think about yourself and step back at how different you are, simply by speaking your mind and asserting yourself .

3 — Just do something else with your free time

Now that you are barely transparent, you can do things far more interesting than nothing.
Meaning : “Great ! I’m out of this sham and mockery system.”
Read, take time for yourself, leave your phone, learn something you didn’t know. In a nutshell, be curious.

If you read this, you can now take a deep breath and play down the situation. And if you want more cool, follow me 🙂

By: Jennifer Capestan