‘Even if it’s just sex he wants from me, he should say it from the onset.’ Can women really deal with this level of honesty without feeling some type of way?

Either expressly stated or just simply presumed, women set a demand for men who would be forthright from the very beginning. You hear them say stuff like ‘even if it’s just sex he wants from me, I’d appreciate it if he says it from the onset.’

But the question is this: are women really ready for this level of honesty? Will you truly be cool with a guy meeting you from the very beginning and showing nothing but a desire in your body and the pleasures to be derived from that carnal attraction?

Sarah, 26, says she prefers this truth as it helps her decide if she really wants to be with the guy like that or not.

“I think I’ll appreciate the honesty,” she says. “I think I’ll prefer to know what I’m getting into instead of being led on with promises of romantic emotions when there’s actually nothing but a desire to sleep with me.”

Asking three other young women between 25-28 produced the same result. These young, upward-mobile professional women all believe that knowing what’s happening from the onset is actually the best as it affords them the opportunity to say yes to whatever the guy is proposing instead of being left in the dark as to his true intentions.

You’ll still find women who can’t handle that truth [Credit – Shutterstock]

But this perspective can’t be taken as conclusive evidence of women being cool with 100% openness from men, especially when it comes to an expression of intent for sex without commitment.

Despite the constant call by women for honest men who will say what they want from the very onset, you’ll still find women who can’t handle that truth, especially the sexual type. There are women who feel disrespected when a guy expresses a clear sexual interest from the get-go.

That a guy would look at them and be filled with lust instead of a romantic interest is something that some women see as an insult on their womanhood.

“This happens because women around here are taught that sex is something they give, not necessarily something they enjoy. The way sex is spoken of in these parts will make you believe that it is something a woman gives in return for a man’s affection, care and financial support,” says Zoey, 29.

So to get sex from many of such women, all you need do is profess an emotional connection, fake a romantic interest and show affection even if you do not feel any of such things. Your chances of getting that sex jumps by some 40% if not more.

That a guy would look at them and be filled with lust instead of a romantic interest is something that some women see as an insult on their womanhood. [Source: Essence]

“Women think guys don’t know this code but of course we do. So if you are really sexually attracted to a girl and she’s forming I don’t have random sex and all, just work up some romantic act and you’ll be there in her panties in no time. It always works,” says a young Lagos bachelor who asked to be anonymous for this piece.

This, in a way, explains why many women have experienced guys entering ghost mode immediately after dipping into the cookie jar. He says all you need to hear, makes you comfortable enough to roll in the hay with him, and boom! Off he goes without a trace when he has his fill of your body. Of course, this is a f—boy move.

Until more women realise that it is not inherently offensive for men to express their desire for just sex, we may continue to have this problem. If he [sensibly, like a normal human being] says he wants just sex and nothing else with you, just say you are not interested and keep it moving. No need to feel disrespected. It’s not [always] that deep.

Ladies, if you don’t want to have sex with a guy don’t tell him it’s because you’re not in a relationship with him. If you do this, you give him a cheat code and he’ll explore it to your detriment. Tell him that your refusal is because you are not interested at all, regardless of the relationship status.

Also men need to learn to leave women be, who have expressed disinterest in casual sex. There are more than enough women who would be willing to do your bidding; women to whom that honesty will be such a turn on that they’d have no qualms giving you what you want.

In any case, what’s most important in all of this is the continuous need for men and women to relate with more openness and honesty. If there’s more of this and less of dubiousness and emotional fraud, relationships, all variants of it, will be less stressful than we have it now.

Credit: pulse.ng

When it comes to marriage culture, there seems to be a lot of things that require change. Instant change, as a matter of fact.

Acquired habits, such as overspending and making other people do the same in order to impress with one’s wedding, have been spoken against repeatedly. Of course, it is one thing to speak against something, whether or not any form of social change is being effected by that condemnation is another thing.

While we wait for more people to come to accept the sensible option of having wedding ceremonies tailored to their financial capabilities, we might as well begin to tackle another marriage-related issue.

Apparently, it is a thing for married women to cut off their single friends once they become married.

Two or more women could be besties for such a long time, sharing secrets, going out together, living their best lives, creating memories and building a memorable friendship out of those moments shared. As soon as one of them gets married, it is not unusual for the married one to cut off her friendship with the single woman.

Nkem Ikeke of Legit NG thinks this often happens due to paranoia that those friend[s] may want to take her man from her, that they are jealous of her or in other cases, because there’ll no longer be a common ground for them to operate on. Nkem adds that married women who dump their friends do it because upon marriage, their priorities switch from what their single friends have on the top of their to-do list.

Obviously, these are reasons that are not rooted in any form of sound principle. A little rattling and everything comes tumbling down.

For example, the idea that a married woman would rather make friends with only married women because single friends would contrive to steal her man seems to ignore the reality that men who want to cheat will do so with any woman they set their eyes on; married or not. And if a friend is bent on ‘taking’ your man from you, her marital status may really not count for much.

Friendships do not need to end because one person has married. Nothing stops a married woman from being friends with an unmarried woman. [Credit: Video Blocks]

The idea that priorities of women change when they get married actually sounds kinda right. If it is considered from the angle of having to worry about kids and becoming more responsible for little ones who depend heavily on them, yes it makes sense.

But the idea is also used sometimes knock down single women, especially those who are 30 and above, who are pursuing their best lives without an obsessive desire to get married. It is not uncommon for our society to view such women as being less ‘responsible’ than women who have married and ‘settled down.’

The problem with this is that it is a harmful generalization that trivializes [and in some cases, completely disregards] the responsible choices that single women make out here day after day. That none of those decisions revolves around men and getting married does not make them less important.

I could go on and on discrediting the reasons often cited in support of this married woman prejudice, but what’s more important at this point is to mention that when married women continually ostracize their single friends for no other reason than their marital status, it is another passive form of pressuring people to date and marry.

When single people are cut out of friendships and meant to feel like outsiders in their own inner circle, it is another obvious manifestation of how our society and its agents of socialization condition people to view marriage as an elevated form of existence, one that places you on a different pedestal of respectability, over and above people who may not feel like doing so in the nearest future – or ever at all.

Without digressing too far, I should add that I think there is nothing wrong with people drifting apart over the years due to obvious and genuine differences in schedules, lifestyle and distance. That is an accepted part of life. To also cut off people who have shown shady characters and less-than-acceptable behaviours is nothing to raise eyebrows over.

But to intentionally and maliciously move away from your friends for no other reason than their marital status and a sudden, unfounded suspicion of their intentions towards you, is neither necessary, nor sensible.

Credit: pulse.ng

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