self development Archives

In self development June 20, 2019 By Women of Rubies

16-YEAR-OLD NORTH CAROLINA STUDENT WHO GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL IN THREE YEARS, RECEIVES OVER $1 MILLION IN SCHOLARSHIPS

A North Carolina teenager is heading to college for free after she received more than $1 million in scholarships.

Ny’Quasia Brown has been on the road to since middle school. She began taking high school courses when she was in the eighth grade, and consequently, she’s graduating high school after only three years. As she prepared to graduate, Brown began applying for scholarships to pay for college. Due to her efforts, she secured $1.5 million in scholarshipsfrom 87 schools.

“It was very overwhelming,” Brown told WCNC. “It just felt like all of my hard work had honestly paid off.”

The 16-year-old overcame several obstacles to get to this point. She was raised by a single mother while her father was incarcerated.

“He’s my best friend, he’s my other half. And with him gone I know I have to fill his shoes that he would want me to,” Brown said. “I do everything I do because of him and my uncle.”

Brown admitted there were challenges, but she knew she had to keep going. She also worked two jobs and played basketball along with her studies.

“I know it gets hard, it gets very hard. You miss that other parent, but you can’t lose the vision,” Brown said. “Because at the end of the day you have to think, ‘what would that parent want you to do.'”

The White Oak High School senior credits her mother and godparents for ensuring she keeps her priorities in check.

“I feel so lucky because some people don’t have any parents,” Brown said. “My mom made sure I don’t feel any less than a child with two parents.”

The young scholar also has a network of friends who act as accountability partners.

“I have my five friends that when I’m down and say ‘guys I can’t do this’ they always push me to continue,” Brown said. “We’re gonna be great.”

Brown had an array of choices, but she already had her mind made up, according to HBCU Buzz.

“I’ve always wanted to go to an HBCU (historically black college or university),” Brown said. “When I started doing my research, I looked at colleges that ranked high in the nation where I knew I could also get a great education.”

She is headed to North Carolina Central University (NCCU) to study political science and has dreams of becoming a lawyer. Her mom, Crystal Gill, believes she can do it.

“Ny’Quasia is very independent and has a mind of her own, and I support her,” Gill said. “I see her being a successful attorney. She will be phenomenal and make changes in the world.”

Her principal, Dr. Christopher Barnes, spent years watching Brown work toward her goals.

“My first interaction with Ny’Quasia showed me she was a very vocal and confident freshman,” he recalled. “She has become intense and determined about success beyond high school,” Barnes said. “Her ability to know what she is after, where she is going and how to get there is admirable. She is a mold-breaker.”

Brown has simple advice for students who want to follow in her footsteps.

“Leadership is very important; take advantage of every opportunity you are given,” she said. “Place God first. Utilize your full potential. God has blessed me with a community and family that have supported me when I couldn’t do it for myself. Always remember that you have to sow a seed.”

Credit: blavity.com

In self development June 19, 2019 By Women of Rubies

STUDY SHOWS THAT SINGLE BLACK MOMS ARE DOMINATING CORPORATE AMERICA IN SPITE OF SOCIETAL BARRIERS

Analysis of new surveys on single mothers in America have revealed that Black single mothers have made huge advancements economically in the last decade, particularly in corporate America.

Both The New York Times and Forbes released reports in the last week highlighting findings from Current Population Survey data and the 2018 Motherly State of Motherhood Surveyshowing that a number of federal and state policies during the Obama presidency made it somewhat easier for single mothers to work.

The number of single mothers in the country’s workforce has grown by four percent and best-selling author Christine Michel Carter wrote in Forbes that the number of single black motherswho earned more than $75,000 grew 106 percent between 2012 and 2017. This was 30 percentage points higher than single white mothers, according to the survey.

During that same time period, single Black mothers have been able to secure higher income growth than all other single mothers by two percentage points.

Analysts have attributed these gains to a variety of policies enacted during the Obama administration and said it resembled growth seen during the Clinton administration in the 1990s.

Both periods saw an improving economy and low unemployment numbers. But what makes the most recent advances for single mothers strange is that there has been a decrease in federal efforts to provide a safety net.

Carol Burnett, executive director of the Mississippi Low Income Child Care Initiative, told The New York Times that the federal safety net has been “evisceratedand work requirements have increased.” But some studies showed that the introduction of Obamacare helped more single Black mothers get to work, and states that adopted Medicare expansion saw significantly more single mothers working.

Researchers in The New York Times report and Forbes had rival theoriesas to what lead to the recent economic gains, but some said the decreased federal safety net has forced certain states to enact policies that protect and help single mothers like paid leave and public preschool.

Single mothers, especially Black mothers, had no choice but to work with less help coming from the federal level and the growth of America’s gig economy was making it a bit easier for them to do so.

“Even with increased wages and even with the changes that are being made around leave policy and the like, employees are still at the mercy of their employers,” University of Michigan associate professor Kristin Seefeldt said to The New York Times.

“The way we think about workers, it’s on us to take care of our personal and family issues. It’s embedded in our culture that it’s not the employer’s job to do that.”

The studies showed that warehouse work, nursing opportunities and gig economy jobs were increasingly becoming avenues for single mothers to make money. A number of states also increased the minimum wage, something that has had a massive effect on increasing the wealth of single Black mothers.

Although the studies found that Black mothers were four times as likely to be single parents than any other race, millennial Black mothers were more optimistic about handling motherhood and a career than any other race.

“Perhaps these single black mothers have discovered the secret to achieving work-life balance, juggling successful careers and parenthood,” Carter wrote.

“Taking a deeper look at the largest generation of single mothers in the work force to date, over 23% of black millennial moms feel they can combine a career and motherhood, citing it’s possible to combine them creatively (compared to 14% of all millennial moms).”

Credit: blavity.com

Photo Credit: Google

In self development June 18, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“I WILL EXPOSE THE MAN WHO SEXUALLY ABUSED ME AT THE RIGHT TIME” -IFU ENNADA

Ifu Ennada, Big Brother Naija ex Housemate and business woman, has said the man who sexually abused her will be exposed soon.

While disclosing this during an interview with NAN, the budding entrepreneur said she stopped talking about the incident because she did not want to be seen more as a victim than the businesswoman and entertainer that she is.

The reality star who got infected with a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) in the process added that her abuser was a popular name in the entertainment industry.

“I stopped talking about it because I didn’t want people to see me as just a victim. There is so much to it,” Ennada said.

“I am above that but at the right time, I will expose my abuser. He is even in Abuja.”

The movie producer, who also owns a haircare product line, had in 2018 released ‘Tears of a Broken Virgin’, a short film detailing her story in order to raise awareness on rape culture in the society.

On how she supports rape victims, the entertainer cum entrepreneur said she offers free consultation services.

“I do private consultation with a lot of these women and encourage them the way I can. Also, I speak to young women at events for free to help them become better,” she said.

“I hope to do more especially now that I have new, proper management. I hope to out and help more women.”

Credit: fabwoman.ng

In self development June 17, 2019 By Women of Rubies

GHANIAN GRADUATING STUDENT WINS TWO NATIONAL HONORS FROM TOP U.S UNIVERSITY

A Ghanaian student pursuing a doctorate in Information Systems at the Dakota State University has won two national honors from the university.

A Ghanaian native, Francisca Opoku-Boateng, was at a loss for words this spring when she learned she had been awarded two national honors in one week from the Dakota State University, USA. “This is an amazing, phenomenal package,” said the Dakota State University doctoral student in Information Systems.

Through the Google Women Techmakers Scholars Program, she will receive a $10,000 scholarship for the 2019-2020 school year, attend a Google Scholars’ Retreat, and take part in professional development and community outreach opportunities. Also, via the blackcomputeHER Fellowship, she and a cohort of other fellows will explore technical and professional development through monthly trainings on a wide range of tech topics.

Francisca didn’t expect to receive either because of the large number of people applying from the U.S. and Canada, but is very excited for the opportunities provided by each. At the Google retreat in June 2019, she will tour the Google headquarters and network with employees. “I can’t wait for this,” she said, “I’ve always wanted to experience Google and see what it’s like.”

Through the fellowship she anticipates being able to improve leadership skills and learn how to thrive in a minority environment as a woman in technology. Dakota State has had students win similar honors in the past, a result of efforts of the university to introduce students to programs and opportunities at a national level, said Dr. Pam Rowland, assistant professor of computer science and cyber security.

Students attend conferences such as Women in Cyber Security and are involved with the National Center for Women & Information Technology. This is an important part of their education because “cybersecurity isn’t a local or regional issue, it’s a national and international one,” said Dr. Ashley Podhradsky, associate dean of The Beacom College of Computer and Cyber Sciences. “We want our students to be as successful as possible, and that means collaborating and competing on a larger stage.” These large-scale efforts go hand-in-hand with small stage work. Opoku-Boateng is active with the DSU CybHER program, which works with girls interested in STEM and cyber security.

She has assisted or led activities at over 30 outreach events since she started at Dakota State, and suspects that her efforts with this contributed to her selection. Her future goals in technology are to “learn all I can learn and give back to my community and help girls in STEM tap into some these opportunities I have received.” These national, large stage experiences are things she can share on the small scale. “If I can give young girls a real-life experience or tell a story of opportunities I have actually experienced, I think that will add more to their understanding of technology fields.”

In self development June 17, 2019 By Women of Rubies

ANDRENA SAWYER: WHY YOUR BUSINESS IDEAS ARE NOT WORKING

Did you know that you can give 110% effort and fail miserably, even with a good business idea?

I’ve seen it more times than I can count. An eager entrepreneur has a brilliant idea and quickly forges ahead, only to come back disappointed that things did not work out.

By the time they come to that realization, they have likely invested a lot of money, energy and time that they will never get back.

Entrepreneurs going through this experience usually assume that they are simply not cut out for entrepreneurship.

It is at this point that I dig a little deeper into their execution process and I find that the real problem was that the idea or goal was underdeveloped, leading to poor execution. It was a set-up for failure from the start.

I then have the task of talking the entrepreneur off the ledge by explaining that there may have been nothing wrong with their effort, resources or intentions. The reason for the apparent failure was likely that the goal was an inherently bad goal.

When it comes to execution in business, a good goal is not just noble in its intention, but it also S.M.A.R.T.

It is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. Ensuring that your goal meets these criteria increases the likelihood of success.

It eliminates wasted time and hones in on the best strategy for success.

Specific goals break down your general goals into manageable pieces so that they are easier to achieve. A great example of this might be to increase your annual revenue.

“Increase revenue in 2019” is a noble general goal.

An even better goal is to “increase revenue in 2019 by identifying profit leaks and creating monthly marketing campaigns in order to obtain new clients.”

Using that example, it’s easy to see how an entrepreneur can go from casting a wide net and taking a chance on what sticks, to identifying a specific strategy for success.

Even that specific goal can be further developed as you think about other factors that will affect the outcome.

By adding metrics and changing the goal to “increase revenue by 40% in 2019, by identifying profit leaks and creating monthly marketing campaigns in order to obtain new clients,” the direction and initial action steps are even clearer.

This way, there is little room for wasted resources and time.

The attainable and realistic factors in the S.M.A.R.T. formula are subjective factors determined by the individual’s readiness to start working on their goals.

An entrepreneur who does not have a marketing budget needs to first raise the money or create a budget for marketing before embarking on the goal above.

Without a budget for a robust campaign, attempting to increase revenue by creating marketing campaigns will prove futile.- @andrena_sawyer CLICK TO TWEET

It seems obvious enough, but many entrepreneurs still do not count the cost before they set their foot on the pavement.

The last piece of the formula is timeliness. This ensures that the person setting the goal has a sense of urgency and can fend off complacency when working toward their goal.

It is easy to overlook this final piece, but it is just as critical as the others because it has two extremes: too much time allotted for the goal, and not enough time.

When there is too much time, it is easy to fall into traps of procrastination and complacency. These are traps that force individuals to believe they have more time to do the work than they actually do.

They lose their sense of urgency, which opens the door for others to leverage their ideas, or for a competitor to get to a product launch before they do. The other extreme is not to give yourself enough time.

No goal is perfect, and neither is every process, and there is room for imperfection. – @andrena_sawyer CLICK TO TWEET

By rushing toward the goal, entrepreneurs stand the risk of sabotaging by not properly assessing the risks and all of the factors necessary for success.

After all, there’s value for the entrepreneur in trial and error and even failure.

However, by ensuring that your goals are S.M.A.R.T., you set yourself up to experience the thrill of achievement that will become a motivation for future successes.

ANDRENA SAWYERCONSULTANT | ENTREPRENEUR | AUTHOR

Andrena Sawyer is the President of P.E.R.K. Consulting (www.perkconsulting.net), and the author of The Misadventures of a New Entrepreneur: 5 Things They Won’t Teach You in Business School. Connect with her on LinkedIn, Twitter or Instagram @Andrena_Sawyer

Culled from sheleadsafrica.org

Credit: SLA, Andrena Sawyer

In self development June 17, 2019 By Women of Rubies

80-YEAR-OLD GRANDMA GRADUATES FROM COLLEGE WITH ASSOCIATE’S DEGREE

Mrs. Beatrice Lillie, an 80-year old grandmother, has graduated college with an Associate’s degree in business management from Houston Community College’s Business Center of Excellence.

“I would not have believed it, I don’t think, although we can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us,” Lillie told KHOU 11.

Lillie successfully finished her degree after four years of hardwork and determination. She’s also grateful for her younger classmates that kept encouraging her and she inspired them too in return. She remembered them telling her, “I know I can do it, if you can do it.”

She said college has showed her a new perspective about arts and it taught her how to use technology. But before actually getting her first ever college degree in business, she already had a lot of business experiences. She was an owner of her own answering service even before voicemails and cellphones were used. She also served as a secretary in the Harris County Probation Department.

Lillie, who has now been volunteering at the Northeastern Houston Multi-Service Center, decided to go back to school despite her age after Pastor Maceo Dillard Jr. motivated her.

“I said ‘Go for it. You can’t win if you never try,’” said Dillard, who works with the seniors at the center. “It’’ important for people to keep going and engaging their minds, instead of just sitting back.”

Aside from that, Lillie particularly wanted to set an example to her children and grandchildren.

“If Grandma can do it, [they] can do it.”

Credit: Blacknews.com

In self development June 14, 2019 By Women of Rubies

BELINDA BENNETT IS WORLD’S FIRST BLACK WOMAN TO BECOME A SHIP CAPTAIN

Presently, women make up 18 to 20 percent of the cruise ship workforce, with the first woman cruise ship captain not being appointed until 2007. Breaking the glass ceiling in this industry is Belinda Bennett, who is the World’s First Black woman cruise ship captain.

According to Forbes, Bennett has worked for the cruise line Windstar Cruises for 14 years. She came to the cruise ship line in 2005 and worked her way up from second officer, to chief officer to now captain, which is a position she was appointed to in 2016. Currently, she is captain of the MSY Wind Star and is in charge of sailing the ship through the Caribbean in the winter and Europe in the summer.

Growing up on a small island called St. Helena, which is between South America and South Africa, Bennett says she’s always had a love for the ocean. She started her career in the cruise ship industry at just 17 years old, working on the island’s local ship called RMS St. Helena. From there, she went on to train as a cadet and admits that her journey to moving up the ranks has been met with a lot of push back and hard work as a result of her gender and race.

“Unfortunately, I had a rough start,” she says. “When I was training as a cadet, I sailed with the chief officers who made me work harder than the other guys. During your cadetship you’re starting out as a sailor, so you do every job that they do. I had a chief officer, unfortunately, who made me work later than the sailors, so they would knock off for the day, and I would be left outside continuing to work until it got dark.”

After working on a private yacht of Monaco for two years, Bennett went back to school to get her masters and then tried to work her way into the leadership ranks of the yachting industry. But, she was again met with barriers when she says an agent in Antibes sat her down and told her that finding a job in yachting would be hard because she is more educated than most of the captains, she’s a woman and she’s Black.

Using the criticism to find motivation for a different route, Bennett left the yacht industry and joined the cruise ship industry in 2005 when she landed a job with Windstar Cruises.

Most recently, Bennett’s work in the industry has led her to be awarded with the prestigious Merchant Navy Medal award for Meritorious Service in the U.K. While she says most of the career goals that she initially set for herself have been accomplished, she admits that getting to where she is today has not been an easy feat.

“Being a woman, you have to work extra hard to prove yourself – even more than a man,” she explains. “Some men might not like that, but that’s the way it is. I’m driven. I wanted to be captain, and so, I am.”

Credit: Becauseofthemwecan.com

In self development June 13, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“I WAS RAPED AT 14, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE A FEW TIMES, SURVIVED A HOUSE FIRE IN 2017 AND WAS KIDNAPPED IN 2018” – ACTRESS, STEPH ISUMA

While celebrating her 28th birthday, actress Steph Isuma recounts how she was raped in the most humiliating way at 14, attempted suicide a few times, survived a house fire in 2017 and was kidnap in 2018.

So sometime Last month I opened up about my struggle with depression and managing it for years!
Struggling with ptsd from some of the worst experiences of my life!
From getting raped in the most humiliating way at Age 14
To attempting suicide a few times To Losing my best friend to Domestic violence. To Surviving A house Fire in 2017. A Kidnap in 2018 wheeeew! .
Living through all of the trauma, the nightmares,the panic attacks has been a struggle!
You crave for peace but even sleep doesn’t afford that. It wrecks your dreams and turns your days into a living nightmare. It messes your head up, destroys your personality, your relationship with your family and friends, your work, your social life, it affects them all.
I decided to share some part of my story just to motivate some people here because I want people to know that they’re not alone
Truth is some of The people who appear strongest.. some of the people u look up to who you envy are fighting the toughest battles too. I can come out wearing the brightest smile but deep down be really sad. ,
But in all…. I’ve come to understand that living is an act of bravery
So , Today….I Celebrate me for never giving up! For holding me up regardless.
Now I know better….I love my life and how it is turning out.
I am grateful for it.
If I could shine a spotlight on it for everyone who’s ever wanted to die, I would, because it’s beautiful and amazing and I would do anything in the world to protect it. And I want anyone who might be suicidal to know how much better life can be.
Yes Emotional pain is real, and no matter how much it feels like it can’t end, it can. It can get better. It does get better. Life gets better. And you get better with it.

ThankGod we don’t look like what we’ve been through!

Credit: LIB

In self development June 13, 2019 By Women of Rubies

BEAUTY INFLUENCER SHAHD KHIDIR IS PASSIONATELY SPEAKING UP ONLINE ABOUT THE SUDAN MASSACRE

Late last week, Sudanese beauty influencer Shahd Khidir (@hadyouatsalaam) took to her Instagram feed to talk about the massacre currently plaguing her home country. Shahd, who moved from Omdurman, Sudan, to the United States with her family when she was younger to flee civil political unrest and create a better life, wrote in her Instagram post: “It’s really hard being an influencer and sharing information that is ‘off brand’ and not worthy of the ‘feed’ but I cannot hold this in anymore. I am at my office crying because I have so many emotions in me and I feel horrible. There’s a massacre happening in my country Sudan’s and a media blackout and internet censorship for four consecutive days.”

Now based in New York, the 26-year-old, who still has family in Sudan, also pointed out the lack of media coverage the conflict has received saying, “There is no objective media sharing what’s going on except for @aljazeeraenglish which had their offices shot down.” According to The New York Times, in April the country’s former president Omar al-Bashir, known for being a dictator during his nearly 30 years in office, was “toppled by his [military] generals” following months of peaceful protests that called for a democratic nation. Since then, the African country (the continent’s third largest) has experienced at least 100 killings, with bodies ending up in Nile River (as of June 4), over 70 reported rape case, robberies, and more, all at the hands of the military forces, with Internet and cellular networks being shut down, as well.

After sharing about the massacre, Shahd got personal in her post, explaining, “My friend @mattar77 was MURDERED by the Rapid Support Forces. My best friend was in hiding on June 2 and that’s the last time I spoke to him. He was missing for 4 days and when I got in touch with him he said: ‘I was caught, beaten and abused and humiliated and arrested and had my phone confiscated from me. I am injured currently.’ And all I could do this post this.”

In an interview with Teen Vogue, Shahd says she felt an “impulse” to speak up about the massacre, expressing,

“I couldn’t handle not being in touch with my friends and family members especially those who are out protesting. After I lost contact with my friend it drove me insane and then when I did hear back it was bad news.” Shahd was devastated at work and didn’t have any friends or family around to support her. “I couldn’t keep it all in my head or wait until the end of the day to share.”

In the original Instagram post, Shahd included a note to the brands she is working with, saying, “I am sorry to all companies I am running campaigns with but my editorial calendar is currently on pause. I am willing to refund all and everything right away. Please, just send me an email.”

Shahd tells Teen Vogue that many of the companies have not responded to her, while others have been “so understanding and cooperative,” and she appreciates their support immensely.

Beyond this, Shahd also made a point to share a message with her Instagram community, offering, “To my followers/supporters who this is too much for I am also sorry but my regularly scheduled content/reviews is also on pause. If this offends you, I am sorry. But I need to speak out and share this in a time like this.”

Shahd later explained that it was hard and “scary” for her to share the post because it made her feel “vulnerable and weak”. “As a micro-influencer in the beauty community this photo of me without makeup and with blemishes and zits and tears down my face, it was really crazy,” she revealed. “I felt like being political, which is ironic because I am a political scientist by degree, would be the death of my career.” Her hesitation to be honest online shows just how much pressure there is for influencers to keep up appearances so their followers and brand partners are happy.

Ultimately, Shahd did not expect her post to go viral (it currently has more than 400,000 likes). In fact ,she says, “I expected people to unfollow me and for my influencing career to end right there.” The influencer thought that opening up about the situation would risk her career but that she felt she needed to say something. “It’s important for anyone that has a voice to speak up…If we don’t speak up about terrible injustices, who will?”

At the end of the original posting, Shahd went one step further to tell her followers, “If you want to support me please share this information as widely as possible and don’t be silent. Be an ally because we need your help. And tune into my stories for more information. THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY HAS BEEN SILENT.”

So far, her 62,000 followers have responded positively. “They have stood by me and really touched my heart. I made an active effort to respond back to every single comment, and direct message but I got blocked from responding,” she shares over email. Accordingly, Shahd wishes she could hug every single person who has shared words of support.

When asked what more people can do to support those impacted by the massacre, Shahd says, “I encourage people to keep sharing information about the Sudan Revolution until there’s a civilian led democratic government. It’s important to spread awareness. It’s important to tell everyone what’s going on. Considering the fact that the Internet is completely blacked out, the Sudanese people have no connection with the outside world. So we have to connect them and spread information about their struggles. Also, please donate to funeral funds, and to medical supplies.” Shahd has continued to share about the conflict on her Instagram stories.

Shahd is not the only one speaking up about the massacre on social media. Yesterday, Rihanna also posted about the conflict on her Instagram stories.

Rihanna reposting a tweet by a non-Sudanese, about the current conditions in Sudan, shows the power social media has in raising awareness306 5:20 PM – Jun 11, 2019 Twitter Ads info and privacy 185 people are talking about this

Credit: Teen Vogue

In self development June 13, 2019 By Women of Rubies

WOMEN LIKE TO DEMAND TOTAL HONESTY FROM MEN AT ALL TIMES; BUT DO THEY REALLY NEED IT?

‘Even if it’s just sex he wants from me, he should say it from the onset.’ Can women really deal with this level of honesty without feeling some type of way?

Either expressly stated or just simply presumed, women set a demand for men who would be forthright from the very beginning. You hear them say stuff like ‘even if it’s just sex he wants from me, I’d appreciate it if he says it from the onset.’

But the question is this: are women really ready for this level of honesty? Will you truly be cool with a guy meeting you from the very beginning and showing nothing but a desire in your body and the pleasures to be derived from that carnal attraction?

Sarah, 26, says she prefers this truth as it helps her decide if she really wants to be with the guy like that or not.

“I think I’ll appreciate the honesty,” she says. “I think I’ll prefer to know what I’m getting into instead of being led on with promises of romantic emotions when there’s actually nothing but a desire to sleep with me.”

Asking three other young women between 25-28 produced the same result. These young, upward-mobile professional women all believe that knowing what’s happening from the onset is actually the best as it affords them the opportunity to say yes to whatever the guy is proposing instead of being left in the dark as to his true intentions.

You’ll still find women who can’t handle that truth [Credit – Shutterstock]

But this perspective can’t be taken as conclusive evidence of women being cool with 100% openness from men, especially when it comes to an expression of intent for sex without commitment.

Despite the constant call by women for honest men who will say what they want from the very onset, you’ll still find women who can’t handle that truth, especially the sexual type. There are women who feel disrespected when a guy expresses a clear sexual interest from the get-go.

That a guy would look at them and be filled with lust instead of a romantic interest is something that some women see as an insult on their womanhood.

“This happens because women around here are taught that sex is something they give, not necessarily something they enjoy. The way sex is spoken of in these parts will make you believe that it is something a woman gives in return for a man’s affection, care and financial support,” says Zoey, 29.

So to get sex from many of such women, all you need do is profess an emotional connection, fake a romantic interest and show affection even if you do not feel any of such things. Your chances of getting that sex jumps by some 40% if not more.

That a guy would look at them and be filled with lust instead of a romantic interest is something that some women see as an insult on their womanhood. [Source: Essence]

“Women think guys don’t know this code but of course we do. So if you are really sexually attracted to a girl and she’s forming I don’t have random sex and all, just work up some romantic act and you’ll be there in her panties in no time. It always works,” says a young Lagos bachelor who asked to be anonymous for this piece.

This, in a way, explains why many women have experienced guys entering ghost mode immediately after dipping into the cookie jar. He says all you need to hear, makes you comfortable enough to roll in the hay with him, and boom! Off he goes without a trace when he has his fill of your body. Of course, this is a f—boy move.

Until more women realise that it is not inherently offensive for men to express their desire for just sex, we may continue to have this problem. If he [sensibly, like a normal human being] says he wants just sex and nothing else with you, just say you are not interested and keep it moving. No need to feel disrespected. It’s not [always] that deep.

Ladies, if you don’t want to have sex with a guy don’t tell him it’s because you’re not in a relationship with him. If you do this, you give him a cheat code and he’ll explore it to your detriment. Tell him that your refusal is because you are not interested at all, regardless of the relationship status.

Also men need to learn to leave women be, who have expressed disinterest in casual sex. There are more than enough women who would be willing to do your bidding; women to whom that honesty will be such a turn on that they’d have no qualms giving you what you want.

In any case, what’s most important in all of this is the continuous need for men and women to relate with more openness and honesty. If there’s more of this and less of dubiousness and emotional fraud, relationships, all variants of it, will be less stressful than we have it now.

Credit: pulse.ng