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The article titled “Nigerian Women Say ‘MeToo.’ Critics Say ‘Prove It.’ by Julie Turkewitz has gone viral, with Nigerians home home and abroad sharing their view on the #Cozagate incident.

This reaction – the need for proof of assault – seems to be a general one, as revealed in the article.

In Julie’s word ” But many women who have come forward in recent months have also experienced a fierce backlash, including attacks on their reputations and accusations that they’ve lied about the assaults. While their critics say they are merely applying appropriate skepticism to unproven allegations, their supporters say that the hostile reaction reveals just how difficult it is for women in the region to speak out about abuse.

Busola, speaking to the New York Times, revealed that the personal cost of coming out to tell her story has been high. “You begin to ask yourself,” she said, “did I do the right thing?” She shared that she’s been harassed on the internet, and has been threatened over the phone. She’s also had to have a very difficult conversation about rape with her three kids.

She spoke about the BBC #SexForGrades investigation, which she was although glad to see receive so much attention, also made her frustrated because Nigerians “seemed to need to see a man caught on video to take an allegation seriously.”

A woman who spoke to the New York Times about Busola’s alleged rape said that, “She was old enough to know to fight back.” The 25-year-old woman revealed that she too was a survivor of sexual assault.

Another man who spoke about the alleged rape seemed to believed that the rape actually happened, but asked that Busola forgive the pastor.

Read the full article on the New York Times.

Wear what you want to wear, go where you want and hang out with people you consider of similar interest without feeling guilty or having a subconscious voice judging you. If you are your true self, you will also attract people that you are aligned with.

You change so much on a daily basis that you have no choice but to be yourself. You are not person you were yesterday but rather, a different version of yourself. You can either be your better version or your worse version.

Often, society forces you to be and act in a certain way that is deemed appropriate and acceptable. There’s a societal benchmark for acceptance and likeability and this ‘appropriate’ way is said to likely give you leverage to having an acceptable and fruitful life.

So you go out and act in a certain way mostly to impress people that you don’t know, don’t care about you and make a good impression for people you may never see again. Don’t get me wrong, making a good impression is good, but is that impression the real you or a borrowed you? Do we need to scratch the surface to find out the truth about you?

You know this laid down way of living won’t get you a fulfilled life. Beneath those facades of socially or cultural propriety, you want to break free, hack your own mind and discover who you are. For you, this is a battle you need to fight.

Being your full self depends on how much of societal standards you can challenge. So, what if you dare all societal standards to be your relentless and unapologetic self? What if you can say what you need to say and when you need to say it? Wear what you want to wear, go where you want and hang out with people you consider of similar interest without feeling guilty or having a subconscious voice judging you. If you are your true self, you will also attract people that you are aligned with.

Oftentimes, when you act a certain way or standout, you seem weird, standoffish and sometimes, weird is cool. It’s okay to be unique. That’s the spice of your being and, hey, we need many spices here. Normal can sometimes be boring and frustrating. Besides, does playing by the rules not depress you?

Not being yourself, or limiting yourself comes from your fear of being judged. Your environment and, of course, the society, can either lead you to constantly berate yourself – leading to self and personality sabotage, or encourage you to live a limitless self.

Don’t Self Sabotage

By self-sabotaging yourself, you live in ‘personality-denial’ because you have judged yourself and recoiled to fit in the societal and patriarchal standards that seem normal and appropriate. You change according to the environment, impression and there is no in-between. You are either real or fake.

Self-sabotage won’t lead to a purposeful and fulfilling life because it interferes with long-standing goals. Accumulation of dysfunctional and distorted beliefs can lead to underestimating your capabilities and suppressing your feelings. This can wear you out because you can’t live like this forever. You can’t hide from the world. So what if they don’t like you? What if you are not ‘acceptable’ according to societal standards? You are free, knowing you are staying true to yourself, constantly hacking your own mind and living in your authenticity.

Dare To Be Yourself

When you look in the mirror, do you recognize the image you see? Do you know him/her? Is that image staring at you as your friend? You shouldn’t ever feel uncomfortable in your current state, allow yourself to develop at your own pace. Daring to be yourself is to be kind to yourself, it is the awareness of the need for self-actualization. The way you carry yourself or act in public should be you being your actual true self and not because of the impression you want to convey or the acceptance you seek.

Cultivate your inner advocate and lessen the voice of the inner critic. Take good care of yourself, trust yourself, believe yourself, think for yourself and form your own opinion even when the waves of opinions are drowning your voice. One thing is certain, you are either accepted for who you are or who you are not. Being accepted for who you are not is to be in the wrong crowd that might never understand you and your essence. Break into each dawn with the audacity of will to wholly embrace your personality, the world will always adjust.

It will be more convenient to be your genuine self. Talk to yourself and consistently say “I am enough, I am worthy and I deserve to be authentically me.”

About the Author

Nneamaka Onochie is from Anambra State but based in Porthacourt. She is a girl child activist and women empowerment advocate. She is a content creator a freelance/creative writer and personnel manager at Chrone projects. She loves reading and singing in shower. She teaches at her spare time.

Source: Bellanaija

Young women out in the world breaking records and making history is always something to celebrate, so let’s break down exactly how these three are changing the world of sports.

Simone Biles

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49th FIG Artistic Gymnastics World Championships – Day Ten

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Biles’s breaking of records is certainly nothing new—she’s been doing it pretty much every day she competed over the past week at the world championships in Stuttgart, Germany. On Sunday (October 13), she won gold medals in the individual floor and balance beam competitions, bringing her career world-medal total to 25. That means she is now officially the G.O.A.T., becoming the most decorated gymnast—male or female—in history.

Olympic Channel

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Queen of the @gymnastics world! 👑@Simone_Biles has become the most decorated World Championship gymnast of all time after winning gold on balance beam at ! @USAGym

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Of her 25 medals, Biles said, “It’s older than my age, so I’m pretty thrilled with it,” per NPR.

Coco Gauff

Coco Gauff, the 15-year-old tennis star, was last seen by most of us in an emotional moment at the U.S. Open when she lost to Naomi Osaka. But now she’s celebrating her first professional title, at a WTA tournament in Austria. The win makes her the youngest player to accomplish such a feat in 15 years—and she’s only just getting started.

Team USA

@TeamUSA

The youngest U.S. woman to win a tour singles title since 1991:

15-YEAR-OLD COCO GAUFF. 🏆 https://twitter.com/usta/status/1183391575482650625 

USTA

@usta

The winning moment ☺️@CocoGauff | #TeamUSATennis

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Brigid Kosgei

While Biles and Gauff were killing it this weekend, a third black woman was also making sports history. Kosgei won the Chicago Marathon for the second year in a row and totally shattered a world record in the process. She finished the 26.2-mile race in just 2 hours, 14 minutes, and 4 seconds—81 seconds faster than the women’s world marathon record set 16 years ago by Paula Radcliffe.

Leandri Janse van Vuuren@Lean3JvV

CONGRATS! 🏆 Brigid Kosgei sets a new Women’s Marathon World Record of 2:14:04 at the Chicago Marathon, breaking Paula Radcliffe’s 16 year old record! 🇰🇪 What an AMAZING weekend for Kenyan marathon runners!! 👏🏾

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Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m suddenly feeling the need to hit the gym.

She didn’t consider quitting — she even smiled as her finger was bandaged, before returning to the brutal military-style training.

“I’m happy, that’s why I am not crying. I’m trying to be an Akashinga girl,” the 22-year-old said.

The rangers, armed and dressed in khaki combat gear, track and arrest poachers in five reserves, all former trophy hunting areas, encompassing 4,000 square kilometres (1,545 square miles) near the Zambian border in northern Zimbabwe.

If recruited, Mutero would become one of an elite few — out of 500 applicants, only 80 will make it into the ranks of the Akashinga, or “brave ones” in local dialect.

Being brave will certainly count in her job of helping to protect the wildlife against poachers who are often heavily armed.

But all the women are also “survivors”, selected for the ranger recruitment programme for having overcome adversity, often abuse, in their past.

Mutero married young and moved to South Africa with her husband and daughter, where she was physically abused by her mother-in-law.

She returned to rural Zimbabwe to raise her daughter alone and broke as her husband refused to send money.

“But now I am here to empower myself to take care of my child,” she said, proudly talking of the importance of the country’s wildlife and its conservation.

Mutero made it into the last 160 potential recruits, who faced a series of gruelling tests of their physical and mental strength in the Phundundu Wildlife Area.

Over several days, the women raced under the beating sun, wrestled each other and a dozen even lifted a giant tree trunk over their heads.

Only the toughest make the cut.

‘The toughest’

Damien Mander, 39, a former military sniper in the Australian army who also worked in the private security sector in Iraq, started the programme in 2017 as part of the non-profit International Anti-Poaching Foundation that he founded.

“We were trying to create an opportunity for the most marginalised women in some of the toughest regions, in one of the poorest countries on the continent,” he said.

“They are all survivors of serious sexual assault, domestic violence, AIDS orphans, single mothers, abandoned wives.”

“We didn’t want great CVs, actually we wanted scrappers. People that knew what it was like to have to fight to survive, and that’s exactly what we got,” he told AFP.

“What we didn’t realise is we were getting the toughest.”

Hardships faced by the women in rural Zimbabwe also steel them for life on the frontline against poaching, says one of the trainers Paul Wilson, also a former soldier.

“These guys are used to walking a long way with a 20-litre bucket of water on their head, spending all day digging or hoeing in the field, carrying large amounts of firewood… these girls know how to work,” he said.

More than ‘biceps and bullets’

Mander said that his time in Iraq had helped him understand that “law enforcement isn’t about biceps and bullets”.

It is more about establishing relationships and longterm ties with communities, he said, adding the women also had the ability “to naturally de-escalate tension”.

All Akashinga rangers come from villages near the area they patrol, so they can work with the locals and have a vested interest.

“We have gone from having anti-poaching units fighting against the community, to having a community fight for what we believe in,” Mander said.

The women rangers plough up to 90 percent of their earnings into their families and local community, compared to 30 to 40 percent for men, he added.

“The biggest thing that we’ve seen is we haven’t had a single incidence of corruption with women,” he said.

‘Increasingly militarised’

It has been working.

Before the Akashinga started patrolling the area, around 8,000 elephants were killed there over 16 years.

Since they arrived two years ago, elephant poaching has dropped 80 percent, according to the International Anti-Poaching Foundation.

The women have made 115 arrests — without them firing a single shot.

But it is dangerous work.

“Conservation is becoming increasingly militarised,” Mander said.

“More and more poachers are coming in here with weapons and they are willing to kill elephants and the people that are protecting them.”

Mander said that he hopes to have “a small army of 1,000 women” protecting 20 reserves by 2025.

Lives transformed

Ranger Juliana Murumbi, a member of the first Akashinga class, said that she had held her own against men during specialised training to become an instructor earlier this year.

“I managed to challenge the men in physical training, in the long run, the push-ups, the sit-ups, the drags,” she said.

“So I think we are just the same because what they can do, I can do.”

Nyaradzo Auxilia, another ranger, said that the programme was “totally transforming the standard of life of all women” involved, including herself.

“My husband used to abuse me. I can just simply say he was an abusive man. He was very violent to me,” the 27-year-old said.

She fled with her child, and is now one of many Akashinga able to support themselves.

The rangers earn between $300 and $1,200 (270 euros and 1,100 euros) a month, depending on their role.

“They can now stand on their own. They can now not depend on someone else — they can move on without being abused or facing that cruelty from the men,” she said.

That’s a future that Mutero can now look forward to — despite the broken finger, she passed the test and next year will start the final six-month training programme to become an Akashinga ranger.

 

 

Credit: AFP, pulse.ng

No one expects to get a ton of sleep when they have a newborn at home, but most of us believe that we’ll get more sleep when the kids are older.

New research suggests that’s a myth that sets parents up for frustration because parents (particularly mothers) are still sleep deprived four to six years after bringing a baby home.

The study examined the sleep patterns of 4,659 German parents who had a child between 2008 and 2015 and found that parents’ sleep duration and satisfaction don’t recover to pre-pregnancy levels until the first child is in first grade.

Parents of older children often feel like they shouldn’t be as tired as they are since they no longer have a baby at home, but this study proves that sleep deprivation doesn’t end when your child starts sleeping in a big kid bed. It continues, and we can’t address the problem if we don’t acknowledge it.

“While having children is a major source of joy for most parents it is possible that increased demands and responsibilities associated with the role as a parent lead to shorter sleep and decreased sleep quality even up to 6 years after birth of the first child,” says Dr. Sakari Lemola, of the Department of Psychology at the University of Warwick.

And moms get less sleep than dads, a trend that starts right away and lasts until elementary school. Researchers found that in the first three months after a baby is born, mothers sleep on average one hour less than before pregnancy. In those first three months, dads lose out on about 15 minutes.

“Women tend to experience more sleep disruption than men after the birth of a child reflecting that mothers are still more often in the role of the primary caregiver than fathers,” says Dr. Lemola.

By the time the kids in the study were 4 to 6 years old the moms were still missing out on about 20 minutes of sleep, while dad’s sleep deficiency remained steady at 15 minutes below the pre-kids duration.

“We didn’t expect to find that, but we believe that there are certainly many changes in the responsibilities you have,” Dr. Lemola told The Guardian, explaining that kids may stop crying at night as they grow up, but they may wake up feeling sick or due to nightmares, and that stress related to parenting can also keep parents up at night.

First-time parents lose the most sleep compared to more experienced parents, the research notes, and in the first one and a half years of a child’s life, breastfeeding moms lost more sleep compared to bottle-feeding moms.

It may seem kind of bleak to think that you’ll still be losing sleep when your child is in kindergarten, but it’s important for parents to know this so we can set realistic expectations and give ourselves grace when we need it.

You can have a 4-year-old and be almost as tired as you were when they were 4 months old. It’s okay if you need to sneak in a nap today, or if you fall into bed tonight with your mascara on.

There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing wrong with your kiddo. It’s just a part of parenting.

The good news is, parents don’t get more sleep deprived the more kids they have. Whether you have one under six or three under six, you’re still only going to lose 20 minutes.

If you are feeling really sleep deprived, don’t be afraid to ask your village for help. If your partner, co-parent, a grandparent or trusted babysitter can stand in for you overnight, let them help you and get the sleep you need.

One day your kids will sleep through the night, but it’s okay to ask for help until that day comes.

Source: Motherly

With perseverance and determination, a 54-year-old man has inspired many across the globe with his exceptional story after his daughter graduated from college through his 20 years of hard work as a garbage collector. Tatay Cristito Quimado sat for an interview on GMA News to discuss his daily routine as a garbage collector, detailing the challenges he encounters collecting other people’s thrash and often getting injuries from broken glasses. And he had to endure all these in order to put all four of his children through school.

Quimado reveals that his work is not easy but says he does it for his family because he believes education is the only thing that he can leave them. As a garbage collector, he barely makes anything substantial to provide for his family but he says he’ll continue to do his best to provide for them. His recent interview shows his daughter, Jenny, who recently graduated with a degree in Nutrition and Food Technology, who expressed how grateful she is to her dad and how proud she is of him. Jenny notes that she’s not ashamed to mention that her father is a garbage collector.

Quimado, a proud father revealed he is so happy that he was able to send his daughter Jenny Rose Quimado, to college. But Tatay Cristito still has to send the rest of his children to college as well.

“Parenting is a huge job that comes with so much responsibilities,” says Mrs. Oluwabusayo Adebowale, Director, Inspired Kids Network. You, out of love, desire to give the little humans in your life the best you can afford, you vow to propel them to heights you never attained and see that they become the best that they can be.

This can make parents place perfectionist demands on children. So many parents fall into the trap of comparing children’s developmental milestones. Nothing crashes a child’s self-esteem as fast as direct or indirect comparison with another. The truth is, when you start comparing your child to others, you’ll lose sight of the unique attributes of your child. Children are unique and special in their own way.

“Frankly speaking, the educational system of our country Nigeria has also contributed to this problem, as the emphasis on paper qualification or certification over actual abilities is a major sponsor. Even schools have bought into this philosophy as even toddlers write exams and are graded by position. For this reason, so many parents are desperate to see their children measure up on paper.”

Adebowale said that recently, a mother on a support community for mothers she belongs to, recounted how her husband met a home-schooled toddler who blew his mind away with his knowledge level. “This young child of 21 months could identify his colours, shapes, numbers and could communicate in long fluent sentences. Her husband suddenly felt that their 22-two-month old son who could count up to 30, loved to sing, knew his alphabets and could communicate in a few words was not measuring up. This is the story of many parents, they begin to place unreasonable expectations on children instead of celebrating their uniqueness and letting them learn at their pace.

“They start getting worried that a three-month old isn’t sitting, a 10-month old isn’t walking, a one-year-old has just two teeth, an 18-month-old isn’t talking fluently and so on. Parenting on the overdrive places undue pressure on children to perform. What then happens when they are not able to perform?

“I remember my elder brother slunked into depression and began to contemplate suicide because he had an extra session in the university. Can you blame him? We were brought up with the notion that you were as good as your performance. I hear my dad’s voice in my head now and some of his words ‘Bury your head in your books!’ ‘Why should you come second in class? Does the first person have two heads?’ My father did the best he could at the time, given what he knew. However, we have to do better with the children God has committed into our hands.”The parenting enthusiast and mum noted that some children actually go through the motions and amass knowledge but are oblivious on how to apply it unfortunately.

She continued: “Isn’t that why we have graduates with sparkling certificates in Nigeria who cannot defend their certificates with commensurate practical output? The purpose of knowledge is for life application. Life is more practical than theoretical; if your children have practical wisdom then the theories will just be a piece of cake. Can we teach our children to know things first for the purpose of learning, put the brakes on perfectionism and comparison while celebrating their every effort?

“As a parent its always easy to talk about the things your child is doing right while parading them as a trophy, but what happens when the child doesn’t meet the set expectations? Personally, I think the real challenge of parenting is loving and celebrating our children through their low points. Children who have not learnt to assess challenges and failures well will grow into adults with low self-esteem.

“I strongly believe that if we can groom self-confident children who don’t see a fall as their end, but will rise back with dignity no matter how hard they fall, then we have tried. As parents we need to examine our motives always as over-driving perfectionism parenting could be played out even subconsciously,” Mrs. Adebowale concluded.

While the United Nations has called for concerted efforts and investments in the girl- child education, health, safety and 21st-century skills, no fewer than 44 underprivileged girls in the rural and urban slums of Lagos State have been empowered in different skills.

The empowerment scheme under the Project #40 for 40 Girls Initiative, organised as a give-back to the society under the aegis of Action Health Incorporated (AHI) had girls from different areas such as Mushin, Iwaya, Yaba, Bariga, Makoko among other areas benefit from life skills training including beads making, baking and pastry; wig-making, household agents, make up and other business skills, as they were given start up kits and capital to start up their businesses. This is line with the United Nations International Day of the Girl Child held on October 11 every year, to address the challenges girls face as well as empower them.

The Convener, Project 40 for 40 girls, Adeola Olunloyo, lamented that the Nigerian girl child is often neglected, stressing that there are many girls who are out of school without support from their families and government, thereby making them easy prey to sexual abuse.

She revealed that the unfortunate ones are often abused while they become single mothers without means of getting income to feed themselves and their children, which are the girls the project targets. “These girls that were selected are out-of-school girls, some of them did not finish primary or secondary school, but a few of them have their Senior Secondary School Certificate (SSSCE). The challenge they are having is that many of them are not doing anything, they don’t have help from home and they are easy preys to be sexually abused and exploited, seven of them for instance are single mothers, they already have children that they cannot even cater for,” she divulged.

Olunloyo also lamented that out of school girls are often neglected, noting that while there are calls for youth development, the target is always on graduates who have the needed qualification for jobs, while “these ones cannot even compete with those ones that already have qualifications, they are really at the lower rung of the ladder and they need help to be uplifted out of the situation they are in right now.”

She further called on the government and corporate organisations to invest in youths to make the world a better place for younger generation, rather than investing in things that would only entertain thereby endangering the future of the country. “Right now, if we have millions of girls who are underdeveloped, it means half of Nigeria’s capacity is underdeveloped. So government needs to invest in young people, invest more in providing services that give them information to develop themselves and aspire. For those who cannot go to school, let them learn news skills and let them receive resources to set up their own businesses and they will contribute a lot to their communities and the society at large,” she added.

The Executive Director, Action Health Incorporated, Adenike Essiet, said it is necessary to recognise that people should be given the opportunity to excel, noting that for every woman that has been empowered, the government has lessened the burden of poverty on its shoulder and the economy. “Every girl given an opportunity is contributing to the economy of Nigeria and the economy of the world. My plea to every other Nigerian is to provide and opportunity for any girl down the road. The girls are looking for the opportunity for education, skill learning and to be the best they can be. If we provide that kind of environment they sky is the limit for every girl,” she said.

Commending the initiative, a Community Leader in Bariga, one of the areas where the girls were chosen from, Bamigbade Silas Adedola, said the initiative to empower girls is a good direction because most of them have lost hope of living. “When you teach one girl you are teaching a nation and once these girls are trained and empowered, we won’t have lots of bad eggs on the streets,” he said.

The Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle has described the past year as a member of the royal family as ‘hard’ and said her British friends warned her not to marry Harry.

The US-born former actress said she had tried to cope with the pressures of her new life, since marrying the Duke of Sussex in May 2018, by putting on a ‘stiff upper lip’ but she was not prepared for the intensity of tabloid interest.

She told ITV documentary Harry & Meghan: An African Journey: “It’s hard. I don’t think anybody could understand that, but in all fairness, I had no idea, which probably sounds difficult to understand … but when I first met my now-husband my friends were really happy because I was so happy, but my British friends said to me, ‘I’m sure he’s great but you shouldn’t do it because the British tabloids will destroy your life”.

Meghan, 38, said that, as an American, she ‘very naively’ thought this did not make any sense, adding: “I’m not in tabloids. I didn’t get it, so it’s been complicated”.

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ITV News

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Meghan admits she was ‘naive’ over British tabloids and reveals she was warned ‘they will destroy your life’ https://www.itv.com/news/2019-10-20/harry-and-meghan-an-african-journey/ 

Meghan admits she was ‘naive’ over British tabloids and reveals she was warned ‘they will destroy…

The Duchess of Sussex has admitted she was naive about the British tabloid press and revealed she was warned they “will destroy your life”. Mum Meghan told ITV’s Tom Bradby the year since marrying…

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ITV News

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‘My British friend said to me ‘I’m sure he’s great but you shouldn’t do it”

The Duchess of Sussex reveals she was warned not to marry Prince Harry because ‘British tabloids will destroy your life’ https://www.itv.com/news/2019-10-20/harry-and-meghan-an-african-journey/ 

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Credit: fabwoman.ng

American supermodel, Bella Hadid is the world’s most beautiful woman and it has been confirmed by science.

The 23-year-old scored a whopping 94.35 percent on a rating scale that measures physical perfection.

Hadid was found to be 94.35 percent “accurate” to the said equation.

“Her eyes, eyebrows, nose, lips, chin, jaw and facial shape were measured and came closest to the ancient Greeks’ idea of perfection,” Daily Mail writes.

The “Golden Ratio of Beauty Phi” is a mathematical equation that defines beauty in accordance with classic Greek calculations.

Measurements of facial proportions are done going by standards that Greek scholars applied while trying to define beauty with scientific formula.

Pop diva Beyoncé coming closely at the second spot with 92.44 percent perfect followed by actress Amber Heard with a score of 91.85 percent and singer Ariana Grande with a score of 91.81 percent.

According to the publication, the list was compiled by using computerized mapping techniques by Harley Street facial cosmetic surgeon, Dr. Julian De Silva, who uses this technology in his work.

“Bella Hadid was the clear winner when all elements of the face were measured for physical perfection,” said the facial cosmetic surgeon who runs the Centre for Advanced Facial Cosmetic and Plastic Surgery in London.

 

 

Credit: fabwoman.ng