self development Archives

In self development November 10, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE ARE THOSE WHO REALIZED THAT GOD IS ENOUGH

I envy these people.

I want their faith.

I want their strength.

I want their solid feet when their world is falling apart.

I want their forgiveness when their heart is breaking.

I want their pace in moving on when something isn’t meant to be.

I want their ease in letting go of what they can’t control.

I want their peace of mind, knowing that God is enough, knowing that God is writing their story, knowing that God has better things planned for them and knowing that loving God is the only love they really need in their lives.

They’re not concerned with worldly pleasures, with things that are temporary or people who decide not to love them anymore. They have learned that as long as you depend on people for your happiness, they’ll always disappoint you but as long as you depend on God, you’ll always be reassured, you’ll always be satisfied and you’ll always wake up every morning thankful for life, grateful for everything in it, even your hardships.

People find happiness when they find God.

People understand life, when they understand God.

People truly start living when they make God their guide, their leader and their voice.

I don’t know how they got there but I know that this is the ultimate truth, this is how you enjoy your life and this is how you stay calm, strong and patient in times of pain and distress. This is how you heal.

Because once you learn that God is enough, you’ll never have to question yourself, you’ll never have to doubt yourself or your decisions. You become whole again. You become complete.

Maybe we’re all confused, hurt and sad because we still don’t know how to talk to God. We still don’t get it. We still ask for things that are wrong for us. We still hope to change our destiny. We still think he’s being too hard on us. We still think he doesn’t know what makes us happy.

Maybe we all can’t trust each other because we still don’t know how to trust God.

The happiest people are those who trust God blindly, because that’s how they see the light. That’s how they walk through life steadily no matter how bumpy the road may be, because they know that they’re being looked out for. They know they’re being protected. They know they’re being loved by God and that’s enough. More than enough.

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

Source: Thought Catalog

In self development November 8, 2019 By Women of Rubies

WRITER, NNEDI OKORAFOR CRITICISES T.I. FOR ‘MONITORING’ HIS DAUGHTER’S VIRGINITY

Nnedi Okorafor has called out T.I. following his revelation that he monitors his 18-year-old daughter’s virginity and follows her to her gynaecologist’s to confirm her hymen is still intact.

‘The Who Fears Death’ author shared a link to the article about T.I. and wrote:

“My God, I cannot believe that T.I. interview was real. There’s more than the headline. Look at what he says when told that there are natural ways a hymen can be lost: “So I say, ‘Look, Doc, she don’t ride no horses, she don’t ride no bike, she don’t play no sports. Just check the hymen, please, and give me back my results expeditiously.'”

She added: “Backward. Hypocritical. Entitled. Sexist. I feel sorry for his children and I wonder about their mother/s.”

Credit: LIB

In self development November 8, 2019 By Women of Rubies

LITTLE GROUNDNUT SELLER WHO BEGGED TO SIGN ON A GRADUATE’S SHIRT, FOUND AND AWARDED SCHOLARSHIP

The little groundnut seller who pleaded to sign on the shirt of a Federal University of Technology (FUTMinna) graduate because she wants to be like him one day, has been awarded scholarship.

Facebook user, Dio Peter Omotolani disclosed that the girl who was invited to University radio station for an interactive session few days ago is now a student of the University’s staff school on scholarship.

He wrote “You remember the young Girl that pleaded to sign on d shirt of a guy who finished his final exams in Futminna?

The picture captivated so many pple within and outside the university community.

She was invited to the University radio station for an interactive session days back.. She is now in the university staff skul on scholarship.

Happy for her.”

Credit: LIB

In self development November 5, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

HOW TO DEVELOP A CAN DO ATTITUDE AND SUCCEED IN WHATEVER YOU WANT

In life, attitude is everything.

If you’ve got a negative attitude, it will taint your entire outlook on life and dramatically decrease your ability to succeed. With a negative attitude, you will make little (if any) progress on the goals and ambitions you set for yourself.

Instead of consciously crafting a successful life, your negative disposition will often lead to a passive personality, one in which you shrug your shoulders and let life happen to you, rather than making things happen for you.

If that’s not the life you imagined for yourself, then it’s time to transform your current attitude into a can do attitude.

Here are some powerful and practical ideas you can start using today to make that attitude shift and start an upward cycle of success for yourself that will reverberate into every area of your life.

1. Starts with Your Mindset

Since the early days of boxing, experts relied on what they called the “tales of the tape” to predict how successful an athlete’s boxing career may or may-not be. These “tales of the tape” were a series of physical measurements that included the fighter’s fist, reach, chest expansion and weight.

Experts thought these measurements could predict which athletes would be most successful in the ring based on how their numbers shook-out against these measurements.

But get this: did you know Muhammad Ali—hailed as one of the greatest boxers of all time—failed every single one of his measurements? But nonetheless, against all odds, Ali went down in history as one of the greatest boxers of all time.

What exactly was it about Ali that contributed to his incredible success in boxing? What made him “the greatest,” as he often proclaimed? It wasn’t his brawn. It was his brain.

Author Carol Dweck explains Ali’s success as follows:

“[Muhammad Ali] was not a natural. He had great speed but he didn’t have the physique of a great fighter, he didn’t have the strength, and he didn’t have the classical moves. In fact, he boxed all wrong. He didn’t block punches with his arms and elbows. He punched in rallies like an amateur. He kept his jaw exposed. He pulled back his torso to evade the impact of oncoming punches, which Jose Torres [former colleague of Ali] said was ‘like someone in the middle of a train tack trying to avoid being hit by an oncoming train, not by moving to one or the other side of the track, but by running backwards.’”

Throughout his career, he was constantly matched with athletes that were bigger, stronger and faster than himself. But he beat them anyway.

It wasn’t his physical talent or skill that helped him do succeed over and over again. It was his mental attitude. His can-do attitude to be more precise.

This leads me to believe that in many cases, the critical factor between someone who achieves success vs someone who does not, comes down in large part to your mindset.

Our mindset determines the way we deal with tough situations and setbacks as well as our willingness to deal with and improve ourselves.

A person with a growth-mindset automatically has a can-do attitude because they don’t give up when they fail. Instead, they use failure as a learning opportunity that does nothing more than get them closer to success.

Ali helps us understand that developing a growth mindset—and by association, a can-do attitude—is about rising strong regardless of how lackluster his physical endowments may have been. Instead of looking in the mirror and saying, “I’m not good enough to be a champion;” instead he said, “I’m going to use a different path to achieve greatness.”

And that’s what he did. He showed everyone that success comes first from the gem between your ears. The same gem that chooses to leave behind negative beliefs and replace them with an attitude that says, “I can do this.”

2. Focus on Being Congruent

“While some researchers and clinicians argue that you can change your life by just changing your thoughts, actions, or feelings, I have seen no evidence in my research that real transformation happens until we address all three as equally important parts of a whole, parts that are inextricably connected to one another, like a three-legged stool.” —Brene Brown, from Rising Strong

Your thoughts + actions + feelings are like a three-legged stool.

This is similar to people that follow the old self-help advice to just “think positive.”

If we THINK positive, but we still FEEL negative, then how will we ACT?

Positive thinking is powerful, but only when we think of it as one of the three necessary legs that reinforces the stool we’re sitting on.

If we don’t want the stool to wobble or break, we’ve got to make sure we give each leg the care it needs to keep us from falling down and getting hurt.

3. Be Mindful of Your Self-Talk

Your self-worth depends upon your self-talk.

An all-star baseball player once decided to visit a prison to inspire the inmates to better themselves. He told them a story about how his father always encouraged him when he was a little boy. His dad always told him, “son, if you keep on hittin’ the ball like that, you’ll end up in the MLB one day.”

Sure enough, he ended up playing professional baseball.

Upon hearing this story, one of the prisoners stood up and said, “hey, my dad told me something similar when I was a little boy. Every time I did something my dad didn’t like, he looked at me and said, ‘son, if you keep on mis-behaving like this, you’ll end up in prison one day.”

Sure enough, he ended up in prison.

As it turns out, 90% of male prisoners were treated like dirt by their parents when they were children. Many of them were spoken to like they were prisoners WAY before they ended up behind bars.

Now, obviously this doesn’t mean that our parents determine the future for us in advance.

We all have the ability to respond to our circumstances however we want.^[1] But it certainly makes things a lot easier if we have a solid foundation to build upon.

Regardless of how your parents spoke to you though, the take-away from this story is very simple: the way we speak with ourselves plays a massive role in the way we perceive ourselves.

And the way we perceive ourselves plays a massive role in our ability to develop a can-do attitude, and reap the rewards it affords. Our attitude goes a long way towards determining whether we decide to take on challenges and pursue success in the face of adversity.

Encourage yourself. Believe that you can do it—whatever it may be.

Your self-talk plays a huge role in your self-image.

Your self-image plays a huge role in your attitude.

Your attitude plays a huge role in your ability to succeed in the various endeavors you decide to pursue in your life.

Drop whatever limiting attitudes you’re holding on to about yourself and replace t hem with a strong, self-starting can-do attitude.

4. Become an Activationist

“Excellent ideas are not enough. An only fair idea acted upon, and developed, is 100 percent better than a terrific idea that dies because it isn’t followed up.” —David Schwartz, The Magic of Thinking Big

Plenty of people have excellent ideas, but only a select few are able to see their idea through to action.

There are two types of people on the planet: “activationists” and “passivationists.”

Activationists come up with ideas and execute them without hesitation—the embodiment of a “can-do” attitude.

Passivationists on the other hand, might have just as many ideas as an activationist, but the passivationist executes none of them. They postpone and procrastinate their dreams and goals continually.

This lack of action – this lack of success – is the result of having a passive mentality about life and neglecting to cultivate a can-do attitude.

So, what can we do to break ourselves of the passivationist habit?

You Can Do This!

Here’s a quick recap of what we’ve gone over in this article.

1. It all starts with your mindset.

If you want to achieve success in all dimensions of your life, you’ll need to get your mental game in check. Ensure you’re mindset is directed towards growth and progress for most of your waking hours.

2. Positive thinking can only get you so far.

To generate true change, to develop a real can-do attitude that helps you succeed in whatever endeavor you want, you will need to place equal importance on your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Treat them parts of yourself that are achieve their peak power and potential when they are unified and treated with equal importance. In other words: we cannot simply “positively think” our way to success.

We must combine those positive thoughts with forward-facing action.

3. Your self-worth depends upon your self-talk.

Repeatedly affirm to yourself that you have a can-do attitude. Look yourself in the mirror and literally say it out loud, “I have a can-do attitude! I have a can-do attitude! I have a can-do attitude!” Do this exercise every morning after you brush your teeth.

Yes, this will absolutely feel silly at first, but you will find that the benefits of success far outweigh the momentary feelings of embarrassment or self-consciousness you experience as a result of doing this.

4. Become an activationist.

Do not allow fear to freeze you in place and prevent you from achieving your dreams. Embody the habits of an activationist and take consistent action until you achieve what you set out to achieve.

With each achievement, you will find your self-confidence getting stronger and stronger. This then, will lead to more action, which will lead to more success…

… And this cycle of success? It never needs to stop.

Source: Lifehack

In self development November 4, 2019 By Women of Rubies

HOW KHERIS ROGERS IS FIGHTING AGAINST COLORISM AND BULLYING WITH HER CLOTHING LINE

When Kheris Rogers was bullied because of her skin color in the first grade, she found strength in affirmations. Her mother helped build her confidence, and Kheris reminded herself daily that the only person’s opinion that mattered was her own.

With that new outlook, the saying that Kheris’ grandmother had been repeating to her and her sister took on a whole new meaning. That’s when Kheris, now 13, decided to start a clothing line dedicated to fighting against colorism and bullying.

“I was like, ‘wow, why am I dark, why don’t I become lighter?’ I wanted to stay in the bathtub one time so I could get lighter,” Kheris said. “When I told my mom about it, she started making me feel more comfortable in myself, saying affirmations in the mirror every day that I’m beautiful [and] it doesn’t matter what other people think of you — only what you think of yourself. You know that you’re smart, creative, special at the end of the day. And that’s basically what my message is behind Flexin’ in My Complexion.”

Kheris said she got the idea for the clothing line because her grandmother constantly told her and her sister that they were “flexing in their complexions.” So, Kheris and her sister Taylor acquired a screen printer and some t-shirts, and started stamping the phrase on clothing. The first batch of shirts, Kheris said, sold out in just 10 minutes. So began Kheris’ journey to being an anti-bullying and anti-colorism advocate.

The line has been worn by celebrities including Alicia Keys to Lupita Nyong’o, and has won Kheris honors like being named one of Teen Vogue’s21 Under 21 class of 2018, and being chosen to participate in a Lebron James campaign for Nike.

Now, Kheris has taken her message beyond the clothing line, going to speaking engagements and sharing her story with her peers on social media. This, she said, helps show other young people experiencing bullying, racism, or colorism that they aren’t alone. One way she helps her peers sturdy themselves against the words of their bullies is the same way she overcame her own detractors: with affirmations.

With so many young people becoming advocates not just for themselves but for their peers, Kheris said she has hope that the future will be ripe with confident young people like her.

“My vision for the future is everyone being themselves and loving themselves on the inside and out,” she said. “I just love my complexion, I love who I am — and everyone should.”

Culled from Teen Vogue

In self development November 4, 2019 By Women of Rubies

6 REASONS ENTREPRENEURS ARE VULNERABLE TO MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES

Entrepreneurs are known to possess specific skills that fuel their desires to start, manage, and succeed in a business venture. These traits, however, are also being seen as contributing negatively to their mental health at a given time in their lifetime.

Recent investigations indicate that entrepreneurs are more likely to suffer mental illness. According to Michael Freeman, a psychiatrist, psychologist, and former CEO, entrepreneurs are 50 percent more probable to report having a mental health breakdown, with some particular conditions being more prevalent among founders.

In a recent study, Dr. Freeman observed that up to 72 percent of entrepreneurs surveyed self-reported mental health issues.

THE FINDINGS FROM THE RESEARCH INDICATE THAT ENTREPRENEURS ARE:

Twice as likely to suffer from depression
Six times more likely to suffer from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Three times more likely to suffer from substance abuse
10 times more likely to suffer from bipolar disorder
Twice as likely to have a psychiatric hospitalization
Twice as likely to have suicidal thoughts

Let’s talk about Mental Health

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), mental health is not merely the absence of mental health challenges.

It is the “state of well-being in which every individual realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community”.

Also known as mental well-being (MWB), mental health, which is traditionally studied in medicine, psychology, and public health, is increasingly gaining attention in other disciplines as well.

Scientists, psychologists, economists, management experts among many other experts are taking an interest in the mental health issues of entrepreneurs.

The experts have concluded that mental disorders are not only common but may, in fact, fuel the entrepreneurial spirit.

According to Michael Freeman – executive coach to entrepreneurs and clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California-San Francisco School of Medicine…

“Mental health conditions are accompanied by positive traits that enable entrepreneurs to excel.”

Take ADHD, a condition that research suggests is more prominent among entrepreneurial types.

“If you have ADHD, two of the positive traits are a need for speed and an interest in exploration and recognizing opportunities,” he says. “[you have] an ability to act without getting stuck with analysis paralysis.”

Entrepreneurs are recognized as contributing to economic growth, innovation, and job creation across the world. They do so by identifying and addressing the needs in a particular market.

The late Steve Jobs referring to entrepreneurs said, “People who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

In the midst of stiff competition and many challenges, entrepreneurs have to employ strict and strategic measures to remain in business. By so doing, these business-oriented individuals often neglect their wellbeing in a bid to grow their ventures.

Although in the past, entrepreneurs’ mental health has not received much attention, recently, leaders across the world have begun discussing mental health issues to create awareness on the matter.

Earlier this year at the World Economic Forum meeting in Davos. World leaders including the UK’s Prince William, CEO of HSBC, among others, shed light on mental health problems in a therapeutic and non-stigmatic way.

The mental health crisis in start-ups

With such alarming and scary statistics, the question is: why are entrepreneurs more likely to experience mental health issues?

Speaking from his Nairobi office, director of Consulting and Training at People Centric Management Company, Ken Munyua shared with us insights on the following seven areas that make entrepreneurs more susceptible to mental problems.

1. Fear of failure/uncertainty

“Fear of failure has crippled many people even before trying,” observes Munyua.

Uncertainty and anxiety contribute negatively to our mental well-being. With so much competition, uncertainty is ever a looming phenomenon among entrepreneurs.

Remaining positive and pressing on in the time of our powerlessness should be the ultimate goal for any businessman/woman.

“Get out there and try; if it does not work, use the experience to improve on your next venture, Munyua advises.”

2. Social isolation

Incognizant of how they contribute to mental problems, those close to the entrepreneurs can create a social gap through alienation.

While entrepreneurs are excited about the new venture, often, the society including friends and family fail to offer the needed support.

Choosing to the non-traditional path can bring about social isolation as one focuses all energy and time into succeeding in the business.

3. Stress

Munyua notes that in the formative stage, in particular, entrepreneurs require more time to start and ensure the business survives.

During this time, many people in business are pressed hard in managing both business and social life.

Over time, the stress leads to sleepless nights, overworking, and lack of appetite or skipping meals due to work and the problems keep spilling over, which can lead to depression if the stress is not addressed well on time.

4. Impression management

One thing that entrepreneurs do well is acting like everything is working even at the edge of failure.

By creating this facade, entrepreneurs do not seek help even when they need it as they do not want to appear weak.

This disconnect between personal experiences, and what they share with the public creates insecurity, and a sense of confusion, further leading to stress, and consequently depression.

5. Inadequate resources to address mental health

Mental health resources in entrepreneurship, as is the case in other fields, receive little or no support.

As organizations and firms come together to fund and support budding as well as existing entrepreneurs, factors such as mental wellbeing of the businessmen and women should be factored into the budget.

6. Too many expectations

Munyua observes that Carl Rodgers, a renowned psychologist, warns that human beings are disturbed when expectations are not met. “Always hope for the best but prepare for the worst,” Munyua adds.

Our mantra should be “expect nothing, and be prepared for anything,” as the saying by the Samurai of ancient Japan goes. We should be open-minded about the eventualities that might come; both positive and negative.

Munyua calls on entrepreneurs to have a go-to person (s) who is ready to support and invest in your well-being.

Moreover, establish a routine that allows you time off business or any other work-related duties. Use this time to rest and rejuvenate physically, spiritually, and mentally.

Article written by Maureen Murori

Culled from sheleadsafrica.org

Photo credit: google.com

In self development November 4, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

12-YEAR-OLD LANDS DEAL TO SELL HER HAIR BARRETTES IN TARGET

According to Black enterprise, 12-year-old Gabrielle Goodwin just inked a major deal to sell her product, GaBBy Bows, in 74 Target stores across the country.

We first reported about Goodwin back in January when she and her mom, Rozalynn Goodwin, expounded upon the young CEO’s business, launching their Mommy and Me Entrepreneurship Academy. Gabrielle is the owner of GaBBy Bows, a company she started at the age of 7 with the help of her mom. The 12-year-old created the first patented double-face, double-snap barrette. She began selling her product, eventually expanding the business to include hair care products, books and the Entrepreneurship Academy which allowed other kids and their moms to microfranchise GaBBy Bows.

Goodwin has gained national recognition for her invention, being featured in a number of publications and being named Black Enterprise’s “2018 Teenpreneur of the Year.” Her new deal with Target allows her to expand the brand even further.

The pre teen spoke with Black Enterprise previously saying, “Everyone talks about how I’m so amazing. I want them to know that they can do similar things as me and know that anything is possible.”

Now that she’s expanding her business, she hopes that it inspires young women even more. “This dream coming true helps girls know that whatever they put their minds and hard work to, they can achieve, Goodwin said.

You can find GaBBy Bows at your local Tar

In self development November 4, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

10 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO LEARN TO TRUST AGAIN

T R U S T–a simple five-letter word. Yet one that carries so much weight. Trust is the soul of any relationship. It is the super glue that binds it together. If you have it, it is the reason you can go to sleep at night next to your partner and feel at peace; the reason that the ding of a text, or the ring of a phone doesn’t shoot off alarm bells; the reason that your partner working late doesn’t cause an anxiety attack.

Lack of trust, however, creates just the opposite effect. It causes untold psychological distress. It turns you into a spy as you search for clues that will validate your suspicions. It pits you against your worst insecurities. It makes you sick and hypervigilant; it keeps you up at nights wondering, Am I not good enough? Is it my fault? Is everything we have a sham? What will people think?

If your trust has been shredded, you might feel hopeless. But, there is good news. A relationship that has been tarnished by a betrayal can be saved. As Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D, writes in her article in Psychology Today:[1]

“Relationships are very complex and, depending on the circumstances, betrayal doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship.”

Like a masterful tapestry, relationships are colossally multiplex. Understand that trust was broken because something in the relationship was broken. Are you willing to invest the time and effort it takes to salvage what took you years to build? Are you willing to find the missing pieces that made the relationship crumble? If so, then it’s possible to put the pieces back together.

Let’s learn some of the ways to do that…

Get Clarity

When a betrayal occurs, it feels cataclysmic. Emotions are fragile, fingers are pointed, and a war of sorts ensues. But no event that big is born in a vacuum. Things happen for a reason. To gain clarity, you must dig deep. Was there something that should have been addressed, but ignored instead?

Talk to your partner. Find out what happened and why. You are going to be angry, no doubt, but if you want to reconcile, you must listen. The answers will often reveal the corrosion poisoning the relationship prior to The Event. The betrayal was the symptom, not the actual problem.

“Both sides must be willing to come to the table and be open, honest, and vulnerable. They must also care enough to want to put forth the effort that is required to make the relationship work again.”

If this doesn’t happen, then the relationship will surely die in a heap of pain, regret, and resentment.

Discover the Motivation

People do things for different reasons. Usually, those reasons are significant and rational to the person doing them. They might feel hurt, lonely, and/or unappreciated. Sometimes, an outsider does the job that the other partner is failing to do.

Motivation plays an important role on whether or not your relationship can be saved. Neglect, an unsatisfactory sex life, anger, lack of commitment–they can all lead to infidelity. You might blame yourself for what happened, maybe even had a part in it. Then again, you may have had nothing to do with it

Commit to Rebuilding the Relationship

How valuable is your relationship to you? Once the dust settles after the infidelity, ask yourself these questions:

Am I willing to commit to him/her despite what happened? Do I still love him/her? Will I be able to do what it takes to get through this crisis? “Do you have enough admiration and respect left to salvage the relationship? Be honest and ask yourself: Do we still have fun together and enjoy each other’s company most of the time?”

If you answered yes to those questions, then despite the long road ahead, it will be a worthy endeavor. If you are committed to each other, willing to examine the situation, and work on rectifying it, it is possible to pull through and come out on the other side.

Once you commit, forge ahead. Don’t half-heartedly work on it. It’s got to be all or nothing. If you’re halfway in, that means you’re halfway out.

Consider Couple’s Therapy

In some instances, regaining trust and working through an affair might be too difficult a challenge. In that case, perhaps couple’s therapy is in order.

With a trained professional, you can address issues you might not otherwise be able to do sitting at home, talking over a bottle of wine, and asking, “Was she better than me? Tell me everything! I want all the details.” You actually don’t, but I won’t get into that here.

Outside help is an invaluable tool. You’ll learn how to navigate the rockiest of roads. And this is exactly what you need at a fragile juncture such as the one with which you are dealing

Forgive

You’ve fought hard for your relationship; worked tirelessly to get beyond what happened. Your relationship is still tender, but at least you’re still together, and working to keep it that way. Sometimes, however, even though you’re still together and you think you made it through the crisis, anger and resentment linger. All is not forgiven.

The victim can start using that to their advantage. “You have nothing to say about (blah, blah, blah), especially after what you did!” The hurt party can hang the betrayal over their partner’s head, reminding them continuously that they better tow the line, or else. Because of what happened, the hurt party feels entitled, and maybe even becomes a little punishing.

In order to really get beyond The Event, there has to be forgiveness. On both sides. The betrayer may be feel so guilty that they can barely stand themselves. In fact, they may start acquiescing on things that they shouldn’t.

Forgiveness, while not easy, is key to the survival of the relationship.

Give it Time

My son required jaw surgery when he was 19 years old. It was quite a painful ordeal. After the surgeon broke his jaw and put it back together, my son’s jaw was wired shut for six weeks in order for the proper healing to take place. He could only eat soft foods through a little syringe in his mouth. It took a good month and a half before his jaw was healed. Unfortunately, betrayal is not like jaw surgery. It’s much worse. To mend a broken heart requires the skill of a surgeon and lots of time. You’re looking at about 18 months to three years, depending on how long you’ve been together.

If you’re committed to making your relationship work, patience is crucial. You’re going to be nursing anger, sadness, disbelief, insecurity, maybe some even shame. That’s a full plate.

Be Transparent

…like a perfectly see-through glass window! In order to regain trust, the guilty party needs to be absolutely transparent. The betrayed cannot think for a minute that there are any secrets. Secrecy will create further distrust.For instance, when the phone rings, don’t say, “I’ve got to take this,” and walk into another room. As a trust trasher, there is a lot of mending to do. Put aside the fact that you feel like your privacy is being invaded. You haven’t earned it at this point. You will need to re-earn their trust, so be open.

Cut Ties Completely

If you are the person who has betrayed your partner, you must cut all ties with the interloper. That means no phone calls, no texts, no emails, no coffee dates. No last meeting for “closure.”

No contact means no contact. If it’s over, then let it be over. Your partner deserves that. You may have had your reasons for doing what you did, but have a better reason for rebuilding your relationship. That can’t happen if you maintain contact with the “Other” person.

Your partner will not be able to rebuild trust if they know you’re still seeing and talking to the person that nearly destroyed your lives together.

Don’t Keep Bringing up the Event!

When you arrive at the point where you’ve picked up most of the debris, rebuilt your lives, and feel like you can move on, move on. That means, do not keep bringing up what happened. That will only serve to re-open the wound. Imagine severely cutting yourself. You get multiple stitches, and get it bandaged up. Instead of letting it heal, you keep taking off the bandage, and ripping off the stitches, just to look at the damage. Ouch!

If you truly want your relationship to become solid again, put the affair in the past, and leave it there. Learn from what happened, make the necessary adjustments, then proceed onward. Talking about it ad nauseam will only keep the pain alive.

Do What You Say You’re Going to Do!

If you’re the betrayer, then this one is very important: Don’t lie! Say what you mean and mean what you say. Even the smallest lie, a “white” lie, if you will, could cause doubt to sprout, and result in your relationship taking another hit. At this point, irreversible damage can be done. Be consistent, reliable, and honest.

11. Apologize

Express your remorse. Be genuine. This goes a long way to start repairing the damage. Do what it takes to let your partner know how truly sorry you are.

The suggestions listed above can work. But there has to be a willingness to try, a commitment to do what it takes, and a decision that the relationship is worth saving.

But that’s a decision only you can make. So what’s it going to be?

Source: Rosanna Snee

In self development November 4, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

FIRST LADIES UNITE TO FIGHT CANCER WITH DIAMOND IN THE SKY

First Ladies of various states and their respective Foundations have joined hands to form an alliance called First Ladies Against Cancer (FLAC) to create awareness and tackle the deadly scourge. This is in commemoration of the global Breast Cancer Awareness Month (Pink October).

The ceremony which witnessed the unveiling of the FLAC logo also had the breast cancer awareness movie, Diamonds in the Sky, produced by filmmaker and actor, Femi Adebayo for Leah Foundation screened. Health officials from different foundations also held practical demonstrations on self-examination and advised women on the importance of early detection and treatment to individual life.

The First Ladies present include the wife of Ondo State Governor, Arabinrin Betty Anyanwu-Akeredolu; Dr. Ibironke Sanwoolu of Lagos State; Erelu Bisi Fayemi of Ekiti State; Deaconess Omolewa Ahmed, former First lady of Kwara State; Dr. Mrs. Linda Ayade,Cross Rivers state; Dr. Zainab Bagudu, Kebbi State; Mrs. Monica Ugwuanyi, Enugu State; Mrs Abimbola Fashola, former First Lady of Lagos State and her Ogun State counterpart, Mrs. Olufunsho Amosun.

Other guests who attended include Joke Silva, Toyin Abraham, Binta Ayo Mogaji, Omowunmi Dada, Desmond Elliot, the Director of the movie, Kunle Afolayan, Producer, Femi Adebayo and Pastor (Mrs) Iluyomade.

In her remarks, the chief host, the wife of Lagos State Governor, Dr. Ibironke Sanwoolu said that cancer is responsible for over 72 per cent of deaths every year, thus the need to step up intervention drive. Hence, FLAC was conceived to scale up advocacy against cancer.

Leading her colleagues to unveil the FLAC logo, wife of Ondo State Governor, Mrs. Anyawu-Akeredolu said: “Women most especially need to understand how cancer progresses over time and all hands must be on deck to spread the gospel that cancer no longer kills. According to her, women no longer need to die needlessly from the disease as awareness about screening can make it possible for a woman to detect it early.

In her comments, the First Lady of Niger State, Dr. Amina Abubakar Bello, noted that FLAC was conceived in 2017 to give voice to the cause, noting that part of its goal is to get government and individuals’ attention to fund cancer treatment.

In self development November 4, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

RENNIE SANUSI: 5 KEYS TO GETTING MORE CLIENTS THROUGH LINKEDIN IN 2020

Have you explored using LinkedIn to get clients as a freelancer, coach, consultant, or entrepreneur?

If you’re a freelancer, coach, consultant, or entrepreneur with a service-based business, LinkedIn is the right platform for you to be on now. The opportunities are endless, and if you use it right, it can be your major platform for getting clients for your business. For me, about 70% of my clients have come through LinkedIn. After months of using it successfully, I’ll share 5 key things you need to get clients consistently on LinkedIn:

Connections

This is the first key ingredient to getting clients on LinkedIn. And I don’t just mean any connection, you need relevant connections. Make sure the majority of your connections are your target clients. If you’re a graphic designer and you mostly connect with other graphic designers, how do you want to get clients? As an editor, I make sure that most of my connections are copywriters. You can’t connect with just any and everybody. It’s much better to have a small but targeted connection list than a large but irrelevant connection list. If you get this right, it will be a game-changer for your business.

Visibility

If you’re not visible on LinkedIn, you’re not going to get any results. This means that just setting up your LinkedIn profile is not enough. The only way your target clients can find you is if you’re actively posting and engaging. If you don’t post on LinkedIn, then forget about using it to get consistent clients for your business. The LinkedIn algorithm is set up in such a way that it favours only those that are active on it.

So what can you do to stay visible?

Post content regularly (at least 3 times a week if you’re just starting out).
Comment and engage with other people’s posts.
Play by the algorithm’s rules. The LinkedIn algorithm determines the reach your posts will get. So if you’re just starting out and you don’t play by their rules, you won’t get visibility, no matter how often you post.

Relevance

Posting and commenting is great, but if what you’re posting is not relevant to your target audience, then you’re posting amiss. You’ll be like someone punching the air when there’s a clear target you’re supposed to hit. This is so common on LinkedIn. I see so many people posting about several unrelated topics and then complain that LinkedIn isn’t working for them.

Besides posting relevant content, you also need to comment on relevant posts. If you don’t actively engage with posts by your target clients, how are they going to notice you? You can’t just comment on any and every post hoping that someway or somehow, you will attract the right clients. No, you won’t. And even if you eventually do, it’ll take you months or years to get tangible results.

So what makes a post relevant?

It’s valuable to your target audience. For example, since I’m an editor for copywriters, I make sure my posts are about what copywriters find valuable. I post a lot about writing and editing tips that can help copywriters. The goal is for most of my posts to drive discussions among my target audience so it will attract even more of them. Sometimes, I can talk about other areas that are relevant to them like freelancing. Still, those posts don’t show my expertise, so I don’t spend time making those kinds of posts. So before posting, ask yourself, “Is this topic going to drive discussions and attract my target clients?”

Originality

This one is huge. Showing your expertise is crucial to getting clients through LinkedIn. You can post, comment, and be visible on LinkedIn with relevant content. But if that relevant content is not your own, you’re selling yourself short. You need to have original posts. It’s not every time you should share or copy and paste a post. For potential clients to come to you, they need to see you showing your expertise. And they see it in full force when you post original contents that touch on topics that are relevant to them. You need to have your own voice and be able to voice out your opinions and advice.

Consistency

This is the glue that holds everything together to get you the results you want. If you only show up once a month and post valuable content, you won’t get any results. LinkedIn is a long-term investment with high yield returns. You need to set a weekly schedule to be consistent with everything you’re doing. Whether you’re connecting, posting, and engaging, you need to stay consistent to see tangible results.

What do you think? Have you explored using LinkedIn to get clients as a freelancer, coach, consultant, or entrepreneur?

Source: Bellanaija