self development Archives

In self development December 11, 2019 By Women of Rubies

BEYONCE TALKS ABOUT HAVING MISCARRIAGES, MOTHERHOOD AND NEW PARTNERSHIP WITH ADIDAS AS SHE COVERS ELLE US LATEST ISSUE

On Miscarriages

Having miscarriages taught me that I had to mother myself before I could be a mother to someone else. Then I had Blue, and the quest for my purpose became so much deeper. I died and was reborn in my relationship, and the quest for self became even stronger.

On Self-Care

After having a difficult pregnancy, I took a year to focus on my health. I have researched information on homeopathic medicines. I don’t just put any prescription in my body. My diet is important, and I use tools like acupuncture, meditation, visualization, and breathing exercises.

On Partnership With Adidas

I am excited for you to see the campaign for the first collection of this new partnership. It incorporates my personal style and expands that to include something for everyone. I love experimenting with fashion, mixing high and low, sportswear with couture, even masculine and feminine. This new line is fun and lends itself to creativity, the ultimate power.

On the cover, she looks stunning rocking pieces from the new collection from her Ivy Park line in collaboration with Adidas. Sporting long braids, the “Formation” singer looks drop-dead gorgeous in a burgundy swimsuit from the gender-neutral collection. She later slipped into an off white, short sleeve hoodie over a long-sleeve soccer jersey and cargo sweatpants from the collection, paired with matching Jimmy Choo ankle boots.

Click here for the full interview with Elle.

Credits:

Editor-in-Chief: @ninagarcia ⁣
Cover star: @beyonce⁣
Photographer: @msmelina ⁣
Stylist: #KarenLangley ⁣
Makeup: @sirjohn ⁣
Hair: @nealfarinah @nakiarachon ⁣
Production: Ben Bonnet @westyproductions

Source: Bella Naija

In self development December 9, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

CHINEZE AINA: HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IN THE OFFICE WITHOUT HURTING ANYONE’S FEELINGS

Ambitious women are terrifying… especially to men who do not like women that stand up for themselves. To survive, women have had to find non-threatening workplace coping mechanisms that may not guarantee them career longevity and confidence but helps as they navigate the murky waters of workplace politics.

While we all know that not every workplace is toxic, opaque or political, many women admit to feeling unappreciated and otherness at work because of their gender.

Lois P. Frankel, in her book ‘Nice Girls Still Don’t Get the Corner Office’, explains that if you work nonstop without a break, worry about offending others and back down too easily, explain too much when asked for information or “poll” your friends and colleagues before making a decision, chances are that you’ve been bypassed for promotions and ignored when you expressed your ideas. Women have now learned to communicate differently to attain inclusion. Temi, Supply Chain Manager with a pharmaceutical company, tells me: “last week, I came out of a meeting feeling over-competent and like I offended people”.

I have put together a survival guide that women can use to accomplish their goals, succeed in their careers and become leaders, without wounding the smashable male ego.

Protect the ego

Many women imagine their male colleagues see them as equal, but over the years, we have come to realize that deference is what most men want. Many cannot separate a female colleague from a subservient wife. Both, to them, are the same. Some years ago, I was told to resume at a location that will more than double my travel time daily. I was pregnant and I felt it was ludicrous, but I opted not to call the ‘boss’ or discuss it with his many loyalists. This didn’t help as the right thing to have done was to have started making calls and apologizing for real and imagined wrongs. He invited me for a meeting and told me there was an ego attached to his office and my silence was disrespectful.

Apologize for everything

An apology is a proven tactic for softening hard stances. Apologize before discussing an idea, requesting feedback or expressing a contrary opinion. Start with something like this ‘I know this sounds foolish, but I have an idea…’ Also, reticence is key when addressing sensitive topics. Another instance is, instead of saying ‘these numbers are wrong’ say ‘I am sorry, are these numbers right? I am not a numbers person’, then follow it with a self-deprecating laugh. Even when you know the numbers are clearly wrong, you will get the man to look at the numbers again without calling out his mistake and again, dearest ego will not be bruised. You can even take the fall for his mistake.

Do not be too assertive

There was this time a friend raised an issue at a town hall meeting at her workplace. She spoke up because she assumed that was the platform to talk. This point she mentioned got the CEOs attention and the director involved was asked to explain publicly. When she finished talking, everyone in the room was looking at her like she developed a third eye. Minutes before, a male colleague had spoken and his protestations were greeted with a round of applause, people nodding and whispering about his no-nonsense attitude. Gingered, she had stood up too. Well, let us just say she didn’t receive the support she imagined; her speech was greeted with a mixture of pity from her friends and disgust from does who did not know her. Though the incident sparked conversations and influenced how her organization executed projects from then on, it didn’t bring her much peace.

Have more male work buddies

Many times, in a bid to be seen as a serious woman, you will have to do your best to prove that you are one of the guys. Distance yourself from women, especially the not-too-popular women, the ones who get pregnant three times in two years and always have excuses to care for the family. If this involves disparaging other women and being totally inhumane, then do it.

Hesitance and a lack of confidence wins

Adopt wishy-washy language that makes you appear hesitant and unsure on purpose. Words like, ‘could’, ‘maybe’, ‘I don’t know’, ‘permit me to check with my boss’ and other phrases that demonstrate that you don’t want to take a stand is a winner any day. Instead of saying “I have an idea”, say “I am just thinking out loud here”. Being confident could see you being termed as a ball breaker. Many like it when you act a little like you could drown in a 2-feet pool without them and have fewer opinions.

Sleep with one or two bosses

This is extreme and a form of self-flagellation, but it helps to make you appear not so bright after all. We all know how much people look for ways to take the shine off a woman’s achievement by mentioning a scandalous affair or an influential lover. I remember admiring a woman during my internship days at one of the banks. She was clearly shrewd and attractive. One day, I mentioned to one of my male colleagues how I loved her self-confidence. He snickered as he told me her confidence came from sleeping with the boys who wear the ‘pants’ in this organization’ and he was excited to tell me more. Telling me she achieved so much, not just because she had big brains, gave him a certain satisfaction. Even when I mentioned her initiatives and achievement, he brushed them off, adding that she wasn’t better than anyone else.

Use lots of emoji and exclamation marks

Women, including myself, always feel the need to be charming and nice when sending emails, talking to male colleagues or requesting for updates. The high unemployment rate has forced men to respect the office, not necessarily the woman. However, your entry barrier to the ‘favourite club is sweetness and coyness to all men. It is very important for women to work hard but not come across as abrasive in their interactions with men. This is especially important relating to men who used to be your peers and now your subordinate. Even if your need for approval ends up hurting your leadership, it’s a small price to pay.

Collaborate more with men
Do you need something done? Ask a capable male colleague to help get it done. Make sure you emphasize the fact that you want a man to do it because they can be trusted with speed and combativeness.

You need a promotion or are interested in a project? Ask a male superior or peer to ask on your behalf. You have to show that you are not too ambitious at all times and you like men.

Never call out a man

Stella’s boss was doing his best to get into her pants and deliberately under-appreciating her efforts when it became obvious she was never going to let him. He’ll nitpick on her work, spell out every error and when she got something right he would pretend not to notice. After he tried to rape her and she managed to escape, she knew she had to report him to HR. Stella is not the only one he has been harassing in the department and she banked on the other ladies coming forward so she sent an email to human resources detailing her experience with him. Nothing came out of it because their HR was already compromised. The other women refused to come forward as well. In the end, he got a slap in the wrist for being mildly inappropriate towards her. Calling out his behaviour did not do much to endear her to the team.

Pretend to be not too smart

When a male colleague is telling you something you already know, pretend you do not know it. An example is:

“Chichi do you know how to use excel for data analytics?”

“No, I don’t. Please will you teach me, I have so much to learn from you’. She replied.

Chichi runs an online training school on weekends teaching people data analytics. But you see, Chichi doesn’t want Mr. Oga to think she knows too much, so she plays dumb.

In her book How to Succeed Without Hurting men’s Feelings, Sarah Cooper summarised: ‘The unspoken rules of how women should behave in the office are as numerous as they are confusing. Ask for a pay rise? Pushy. Take credit for an idea? Arrogant. Admit a mistake? Weak. Successfully juggle work and family? Unpromotable.’

You choose: succeed with a few enemies along the way or spend so much time trying to be liked by everyone? What are your thoughts?

Editor’s note: We know ordinarily we shouldn’t have to say this, but after much deliberation we decided it’s best to put it out there – front and center. We don’t want people getting annoyed needlessly.

This is a tongue-in-piece cheek… or is it tongue-in-cheek piece?

We hope you enjoy this as much as we did. We believe there are notable take away points therein.

About Author

Chineze lives in Lagos with her husband and their 3 young children. She loves good food and good people. You can follow her on twitter @ChinezeAnuli and Instagram @chinezeaina

Source: Bellanaija

In self development December 5, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

OYINKANSOLA ALABI BIRTHS NEW INITIATIVE “NEGOTIATIONS”

Have you ever lost a deal to someone less qualified? Have investors walked out on you because you didn’t sound convincing? Have you tried recovering your funds from debtors to no avail? Do you desire to mend broken business relationships before 2020? Oyinkansola Alabi has a solution for you.

A lady stormed angrily into a car dealer’s shop. She was upset with the fact that she found out that the brand new car she bought an hour ago was overpriced. Knowing she could have purchased the same brand and model of car for about $5k less somewhere else was incredibly painful.

She felt cheated, screamed, and shouted till they called the cops on her. When the cops came, they perused the purchase document, then confirmed that ownership has been transferred whether she feels cheated or not.

The lesson in this as an observer is life does not give you what you deserve, only what you negotiate for.

Everyone needs a Negotiator and I am so excited to introduce our newborn, ED Negotiations.

ED Negotiations is here to furnish you with clarity and stability in decisive moments. Set up a crisis plan, identify power centers, analyze power positions, prepare all decision-makers to achieve your desired outcome, a wonderful initiative by the Lead researcher and facilitator of Emotions City; Oyinkansola Alabi , who in the past few years has worked strictly with thinkers, decision makers, influencers as well as the most vulnerable in society. She is shaping Organisational culture and instructing them on how emotional intelligence skills increase productivity, happiness and profitability.

For more information on partnerships and inquiry, kindly download the ED Negotiations brochure on www.ednegotiations.com/brochure

In self development December 5, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

HANDLING A CHILD WHO TALKS BACK AT YOU

Ever felt so embarassed and heartbroken when your child snaps back at you in a really disrespectful tone that leaves you almost speechless? Or have you raised your voice on your child maybe in anger trying to give out correction only to get a raised voice in return. Every parent hates this part of growing up in their kids. No one wants to have a rather disrespectful kid who doesn’t acknowledge their parents and listen completely while they dish out vital advise.

As a parent, sometimes it seems like your day is filled with an endless stream of talk back from your kids – you hear it when you ask them to do chores, when you tell them it’s time to stop watching TV, and when you lay down rules they don’t like. It’s one of the most frustrating and exhausting things that we deal with when we raise our kids.

While this can be a part of growing up for kids and a way of helping them show the different sides they are made of, it is important for parents to understand why they shouldn’t take it completely to heart when their kids talk back at them. Most kids go through phases of trying out rude behaviour toward their parents. And all humans sometimes let a momentary irritation get the better of them, so they snap at others.Kids talk back for a variety of reasons. They may be testing their own power to see how far they can take it. They may feel disrespected by parents who overprotect or “boss” them around. Or, they may live in a home in which respectful communication isn’t a priority.

In the majority of cases, however, talking back is the child’s way of exerting his power and saying “you’re not the boss of me.” We are all hard-wired with a need for positive power – the ability to have some control over our lives. When we over-protect, over-demand, order, correct and direct, we stand in the way of our children achieving independence and personal power.

The only way our kids know how to respond is to fight back. It’s a basic fight or flight response – they can’t easily flee, so they fight back with talk back, negotiating, arguing, stomping away, eye rolling, etc.When children act out, we naturally move straight to emotion- whether it’s embarrassment, anger, or hurt and disappointment. If you respond with emotion to every sour word that comes out of your child’s mouth, you’re only showing your kid just how to get a rise out of you and get some attention, albeit negative attention. Before you respond to the bad words, remove your personal feelings from the situation. Avoid escalating the situation, take a deep breath, and show true control by controlling yourself first. Then there’s no power struggle to be had.

Here are strategies to keep in mind:
. Monitor your own language and model respect as you interact with your child, even when they sass you. In general, if you find yourself criticising or yelling, bite your tongue. Don’t be afraid to set limits, but wait until you can speak calmly and respectfully.
. Don’t take it personally. Remind yourself that your child is still learning self-control and right now they have a problem, which is causing them to lose patience. Acknowledge the problem they are having (and if appropriate offer to help), even as you set a limit about their tone. Kids think twice about hurting the feelings of parents they feel supported by. In general, strengthen your relationship with your child by looking for every opportunity to positively connect. Be sure you spend at least 15 minutes alone with each child every day, giving them your focused, positive attention.
. When your child speaks hurtfully to you, calmly confront their hurtful words or tone and set a clear expectation for respectful communication.
Photo credit: Parents.com

By Ijeoma Thomas Odia

In self development December 5, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

RITA CHIDINMA: HEY NEW MOM, SO WHAT IF YOUR BODY HAS CHANGED?

It occurred to me that no one really prepared women for the changes in their bodies caused by pregnancy and childbearing. So we often struggled with it: from deflated breasts to big stomach club, to postpartum weight gain, to stretch marks, and so on. From the chat, I realized that it was such a serious issue that some women even stopped feeling attractive or desirable because of it and this affected the rhythm of things in their homes.

London Bridge has fallen? As in my no-bra days are over”?

Sonia’s question caused a ripple of laughter in the group.

“You haven’t even experienced it feeling like water sef” Ada opined. This caused further laughter, crying and lots of smileys on the group chat.

I was cradling my little one and couldn’t comment much at that particular time but I don’t think I had ever had that much fun reading the conversations in our young mom’s group. Apparently, Sonia, a first time mom who had just concluded her six months exclusive breastfeeding, was having a hard time processing and accepting the changes in the appearance of her boobs.

“But they used to be so perky” she insisted. Fellow young moms were laughing and typing all kinds of hilarious comments. The moms with older kids in the group were trying to convince her to take it in stride, move on, and buy “lovely bras”.

I realized that was exactly what I did with my own body changes. I “took it in stride”. It occurred to me that no one really prepared women for the changes in their bodies caused by pregnancy and childbearing. So we often struggled with it: from deflated breasts to big stomach club, to postpartum weight gain, to stretch marks, and so on. From the chat, I realized that it was such a serious issue that some women even stopped feeling attractive or desirable because of it and this affected the rhythm of things in their homes.

It then got me thinking, how best can we deal with the changes in our bodies as mothers?

Accept it for what it is

Living in denial about the bodily changes is always counterproductive. Not only that, it’ll affect your mood, attitude and inevitably, your happiness. To fix a problem, you have to first identify that it is there, then you make adequate plans to tackle it.

Deal with the things you can and forget about the rest

You could register at a local gym nearby and get to work; or if you’re pressed for time like me, you could start using a skipping rope in your spare time. No pressure. It took about 9 months for your stomach, for instance, to expand in order to accommodate your little one. So it’s only logical that it’ll take about that same time to return to normal. You could download apps for dieting and all that, but essentially, take things easy. Join some new moms group on social media just to keep you afloat when you feel low, or talk with an OG like me, haha.

So you can’t fit into your old clothes and it’s making you feel less confident? It’s okay. Just make the decision to start doing something about it. Even if you don’t return to your previous size, you’ll feel good knowing you did something about it.

You’re beautiful and your scars are even more beautiful.

Rita Chidinma

Rita Chidinma is a Post graduate researcher at Federal University of Technology, Owerri with a passion for creative writing and fiction. She is a highly intuitive and deep thinker who uses writing as a means of self expression. In her free time she loves reading, writing and writing some more. She is a wife and mother to three kids. She can be reached on Instagram and Twitter (@theritzz_) or through email, chdinmaasogwa@gmail.com

Source: Bellanaija

In self development December 4, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE RECEIVES THE BOOKCITY MILANO PRIZE

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie has been honoured with the Bookcity Milano Prize at the Bookcity Literary Festival!

The author revealed the news on her Instagram, sharing photos of herself looking gorgeous. She wrote: “Delighted to accept the Bookcity Milano Prize at the Bookcity Literary Festival.”

See photos below.

Photo Credit: chimamanda_adichie

Source: Bellanaija

In self development December 4, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

AFRICAN WOMEN LEAD THE WORLD IN CORPORATE BOARD MEMBERSHIP – NEW REPORT

The McKinsey Global Institute 2019 Report reveals that Africa surpasses the world in this regard.

Phuti Mahanyele, a South African business executive. CEO of Sigma Capital and former CEO of the Shanduka Group.

According to a new report, one in every four corporate board member in Africa is a woman. This is according to the gender parity report from the McKinsey Global Institute released yesterday. The news which came as a surprise to many big corporate industry players and professionals worldwide is a reflection of how far African nations have gone to embrace gender equality at the corporate level.

McKinsey Global Institute further revealed in their report that as a result of placing so many women at the board of corporate companies in the continent, Africa now surpasses Europe, Asia, and America incorporate gender parity.

In its report, Bloomberg highlights the surprise of the feat. It highlights the fact that Africa deserves credit for the report despite being a continent blighted by the world’s highest maternal mortality rate.

You will agree that the continent has scant legal protection for women and very little representation in government. The continent, however, beats all other regions globally in the proportion of females on company boards.

Perhaps, this is the reason behind the success of many African corporate and the government should take a cue from the achievements by creating spaces for more women in governance.

The report reveals that in Africa, one in four board members are female. That’s better than second-placed Europe at 23% and well ahead of global laggard Latin America at 7%.

According to a report on gender parity released by the McKinsey Global Institute on Tuesday, the world average for female representation on boards is 17%. Representation on executive committees in Africa is lower than on boards, at 22%, but above the global average of 21%.

Still, the advance has been led by progress in only a handful of African nations and women disproportionately occupy leadership roles in human resources and legal departments. Jobs that are seen as less likely to lead to the position of chief executive officer, McKinsey said in the report titled ‘The Power of Parity – Advancing women’s equality in Africa.’

“A number of reality checks are necessary,” McKinsey said. “Only a relatively small number of economies — namely Botswana, Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, and South Africa — have made headway.”

The report highlighted that African women are far more disadvantaged outside the workplace, with significant inequality in their role in society and the legal protection available to them.

“Africa has not done a good job of providing essential services such as health care and education,” McKinsey said. “The continent has the world’s highest rates of maternal mortality and unmet need for family planning in the world.”

The equality of women’s and men’s rights is only enshrined in law in South Africa, Zimbabwe, and Rwanda. High levels of violence against women are also prevalent.

Even so, the picture is a mixed one, reflecting a range of experiences across a continent with 54 nations and more than one billion people.

“Countries in southern Africa perform relatively well on women’s education and also have a low incidence of child marriage,” McKinsey said. “This is not the case in West and Central Africa.”

Across all measures in the 39 African countries that McKinsey could obtain data for, South Africa, with a gender parity score of 0.76, is the best place to be a woman. Niger is the worst, with a score of 0.45. Complete parity would be a score of 1. Out of the five top-scoring nations, only one, Rwanda wasn’t in southern Africa.

That implies economic performance: By denying women equal rights, African countries are limiting their growth potential. If all countries matched South Africa’s level of parity by 2025, the continental economy would be 10%, or $316 billion, larger, McKinsey said.

Still, at the current pace of progress, complete gender parity in Africa will only be reached in 142 years.

In self development December 1, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

MEET THE YOUNG SOUTH AFRICAN WOMEN RECYCLING PLASTIC TO MAKE BRICKS

With an untamed entrepreneurial flair, these young South African women are using recycled plastic to make bricks!

These young South African women are using recycled plastic to make bricks!

The entrepreneurial flair exuded by young Africans shows the unstoppable willingness to provide sustainable solutions to the problems affecting communities. Two young South African ladies started a business that uses recycled plastic to make bricks.

They immediately went viral on Twitter for their excellence and innovative ways to reduce unemployment and also saving the environment at the same time.

A Twitter user celebrated the enterprising efforts of these young people saying, ” These ladies make bricks that are made from recycled plastic, the young ladies employed 15 young other people and created a number of indrt indirect employment by employing a number of waist pickers who they buy plastic from. First plastic bricks in South Africa.”

Plasti-Bricks is the name of their budding product and the way they are solving these two problems at once – unemployment and plastic waste – is simply commendable.

Some doubted the durability of these bricks. But this is not the first venture of its kind. In Ghana, Nelplast Ghana is a company that “transforms waste plastics and sand into durable Eco-friendly bricks that is used in the construction of roads/roofing and building construction.”

When done in the correct sense with the environmental solutions in mind, the bricks are of admirable longevity.

The young women said, “Thank you so much for engaging with us, yes the bricks have the same look an feel as the conventional cement bricks so they can be cemented and plastered like any other brick.” They were responding to the question, “Can we really build with these bricks?”

Their website homepage reads, “At Ramtsilo Manufacturing & Construction, our mission is to solve the plastic waste problem while providing a sustainable housing solution. Whether its household renovations or new mall construction we make it easier to achieve a finished project by supplying what you need the most… The BRICKS!”

They are a focused team that is keen on delivering sustainable solutions to the environment while providing employment and creating a robust business structure withing the construction industry.

They hail the PlastiBrick as their most innovative product and the future looks bright for them!

In self development November 29, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

THE INSPIRING STORY OF A BRIDE AND HER PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED HUSBAND

A sweet story of love that conquers all social boundaries.

A Beautiful Bride Who Married A Blind Man is Going Viral

A beautiful Nigerian woman on Saturday, September 7, walked down the aisle with her visually impaired husband in a wedding ceremony which took place at St. Williams Catholic Church in Lafia, Nasarawa State capital.

It would have been like any other wedding except for the way the social media went crazy about how love happens.

The beautiful bride said to be from Plateau State said, ‘I Do’ to her husband from Kogi state while cheered on by her family, friends, and well-wishers.

A Facebook user, Nora Chika who shared photos from the event, wrote: “WONDERS shall never end, beautiful Plateau bride and her handsome blind groom. I witness the I DO I DO today, no be say na money the bride see, this is indeed true love. May God bless their union I pray,” she wrote in Pidgin English.

It is a known fact across many climes that physically challenged folks are stigmatized and often ostracized due to their conditions. From the workplace, love and relationships, and opportunities, they are part of the oppressed. For a woman to marry a physically impaired man, she must have crossed the social hurdles from friends and associates.

The photos of the newly wedded couple immediately went viral, as it further gives credence to the notion of love is limitless. This sweet story of love can teach today’s youth that love knows no barrier and it never discriminates.

Header Image Credit: Lindaikeji

In self development November 28, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

KENYANS ARE THE MOST OPTIMISTIC AFRICANS

Kenyans are optimistic despite the hardships.

A survey conducted by YouGov has shown that Kenyans are the most optimistic Africans with a score of 70% which is above the 64% average for Africa and slightly below South America which had the highest score at 74%. The survey was commissioned by Expo 2020 Dubai.

The study, titled the Global Outlook Survey, sampled 20,000 people aged between 18-64 in 23 countries across the 6 continents. The survey revealed that almost two-thirds are optimistic about the future and 9 in 10 people believe that it is up to them to make it better.

The survey further revealed the world’s wishlist for 2050 includes (in descending order): knowledge-gathering, learning, and access to education; plastic-free oceans, access to resources, universal clean energy transportation, carbon-free travel, and free trade for all and amongst all.

Some of the reasons Kenyans were optimistic were: new opportunities created by a thriving digital technology landscape, a decentralized system of government, and a continued uplift in socio-economic conditions across the country.

85% of the surveyed Kenyans believe that knowledge-gathering, learning, and access to education give the best chance to unlock opportunities in the year 2050. Natural resource conservation, alternative energy, and zero waste were considered as the most important in creating a better future while technological advances such as ride-sharing and electric vehicles were considered the least important.

The 2050 wishlist for the surveyed Kenyans was as follows (in descending order): free trade (82%), self-powering and energy producing transportation (72%), carbon-free travel (68%), e-commerce (66%), and cloud computing, big data and Artificial Intelligence (AI) (66%).

View the survey here.

Header Image Credit: Daily Nation