Women of Rubies
Category

self development

Category
In self development By

HOW TO STOP BEING SAD AND START FEELING HAPPY

Sadness is a base line feeling that feeds into all of our other feelings such as anger, frustration and fear. The deeper we bury the feeling of sadness the harder it is to feel happy.

Sadly, We live in a society where it is important to fit in . Leading a positive and happy life is highly valued and feeling sad or “blue” about life is not so valued. As a result, we are constantly trying to always be positive and happy. In our minds there is no room for sadness.

This is not a realistic way to live life, forcing happiness just to fit in is as good as eating a food that taste bad just to make the cook feel good.

Keeping up an impression of positivity and happiness when you are feeling sad is draining and hard work. If anything this charade will intensify your feelings of sadness, and you will struggle to find the pathway that will lead you to living a happy, resilient life.

The 5 key strategies below have helped me and they are practical ways for you to successfully manage sadness in your life so you that can have a life that flows with happiness.

1. Recognize Your Type of Sadness

There are 3 types of sadness that most of us fall into:

Short-Term Sadness

This is a passing mood that may last anything from a day to a week. Sometimes there is a reason for this feeling but sometimes there is not.

Generally lack of sleep, no physical activity and excess stress are associated with this sadness.

The best approach to dealing with this sadness is to lower your stress level by having a few nights of great sleep, getting active by doing some exercise and looking at ways to break up your routine.

Pampering your self, going for a massage, reducing alcohol intake and eating healthy food are effective ways to manage short-term sadness.

Trigger Sadness

This feeling of sadness has been activated as a result of a traumatic event that has happened to you, such as the death of someone close to you, losing your job, divorce or financial challenges. I can relate to this one totally because I experienced it for a longtime after my marriage broke.

This feeling of sadness can make you feel helpless and vulnerable and it does not go away overnight. The key to managing trigger sadness is looking for ways to support you to process these feelings and not bury them.

One way for you to manage these deep feelings of sadness is to talk about and share your feelings with someone who can console you, support you and counsel you. Having a supportive network of family and friends is key to you managing your feelings of sadness.

It is also wise to get professional support such as therapist to guide you through practical steps to processing your feelings of sadness.

Depression

If you feel sad, hopeless, helpless, unable to eat or sleep and have no energy for a period of time of more than one month or two, then you are likely to feeling depressed.

Depression is usually set off as a result of event that usually you would cope with. However, for some reason, your coping mechanism has broken down.

Depression is complicated and it can vary from person to person. If you have these feelings, then it is wise that you seek the advice of a doctor.

The strategies presented in the rest of this article can along with specialist support enable you to live a happy fulfilled life.

2. Identify What Happiness Means To You

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” — Mary Anne Roadacher-Hershey

Happiness is the only cure for sadness. There is no other cure that works better. It sounds so easy to say however it is not so easy to achieve.

At its most basic level, happiness is a feeling that comes about as a result of us doing things in our lives that we love to do.

So if we are feeling sad, then we should take action and activities that brings a joy such as catching up with a friend, going for a walk, getting a massage, going out to dinner, going to the movies, or hiding away to read a good book. The list of activities that we can do that make us feel happy is extensive.

When we feel sad, we are more likely to want to withdraw and not do anything. We tend to disengage from everything that is going on around us.

The only way we can start to feel happy is to take action and start doing things.

We can never avoid the feelings of sadness, hurt or disappointment. However, we can deal with them in constructive ways that will help avoid excessive suffering.

It is so important to know what happiness means to you because when you know this, you will have meaning and purpose in your life. This is what brings to your life the feeling of happiness and the experiences of joy.

3. Commit To Practising These 3 Actions of Happiness Daily

When you are feeling sad, you are more likely to want to avoid people.

These 3 actions of happiness are very practical ways in which you take action to move away from feeling sad to feeling more joyous. All it takes is for you make a choice, take action and commit to consistently doing these actions of happiness.

 

Gratitude

Expressing gratitude on a daily basis and actively appreciating those people in your life who are important to you are very simple yet, powerful actions that will take you from a place of sadness to a more joyful place.

Acceptance

Accepting the things that you cannot change and acting on the things that you can change are key to you finding joy and peace in your life. Once you acknowledge the reality of your situation, you can then plan to take effective action that will enable you to move forward to a better place in your life.

Acts of Kindness

When you are feeling sad, your focus is very inward at self. Helping others is a great way to feel better about you. It is often the spontaneous acts of kindness that give us the most joy. Trust me this is a tested and trusted approach for me.

The more we help others and the more we interact and engage with people the less we tend to withdraw and focus inwardly on our feelings of sadness.

Happiness and joy are external feelings that need to be shared with others and an act of kindness is an effective way for us to share and feel joy with others.

 

4. Eliminate destination Happinness

Sudden happiness does not exist and the phrase “I will be happy when…” indicates that happiness comes when you get what it is you believe will make you happy.

Many people think that if they win the Lottery, then they will be happy – this is not true.

Be careful that you don’t equate happiness with momentary pleasure because if you do, you will eventually feel conflicted and discontent. It is these feelings will take you to a place of sadness.

Final Thoughts

Focus on looking for ways where you create a life where happiness is a feeling that you have total responsibility for – no one else, just you.

When you have created a life where you have attained this, then the phrase “I will be happy when…” is eliminated from your vocabulary.

How sad we feel and the reasons why we feel sad is different for everyone. The one thing we all have in common however, is that it is impossible for us to go from feeling sad to feeling happy instantly.

The above four strategies are practical ways that support you to manage your feelings of sadness where you are in control and empowered to choose to how you want to feel and how you want to live your life. Let’s hope you choose – happiness.

“If you look to others for fulfilment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.” — Lao Tzu

– Esther Ijewere™©

Kindly like, follow, share and drop your comments. *winks*

Follow me on my social media accounts;

Instagram: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

9 SIGNS SOMEONE IS USING YOU

“Have you ever been exploited or used by someone close to you”?

“Has someone ever exploited you with the guise of love”?

“Do you feel a person is trying to take advantage of you but still act nice “?

“Has someone ever gone into an agreement with you, then become very sneaky and try to cheat you”?

If your answer is yes, then this article is for you trust me.

Read on…

Exploitation doesn’t just happen in professional sectors. Exploiting behaviors can happen in your own platonic, romantic, and familial relationships, too. Anyone can try to take advantage of or manipulate you, and that can make building relationships scary.

Exploitation can be very sneaky and covert. But if you’re able to recognize the signs, you’ll be able to nip it in the bud before it grows out of control and takes over your life.

Here are 8 signs someone is exploiting you;

1.   THEY SEEM ONLY TO BE INTERESTED IN SPECIFIC THINGS

The easiest way to determine that someone is exploiting you is what they seem to be most interested in from you. Yes, some relationships are mutually beneficial due to certain aspects, but your entire bond shouldn’t hinge on something you can give them.

Someone who is taking advantage of you will likely be spending time with you for selfish reasons, to get something out of you. These things may include:

Intimacy

Money

Food

Status

Transportation

A membership to a franchise, store, gym, or another similar establishment

Assistance

Emotional labor

If someone is only showing interest in being around you when one of these things is involved, they may be exploiting you. Sit them down and talk about your concerns, or establish a clear boundary on what you suspect they may be using you for, or stop offering that object at all. Their true colors will reveal themselves in time.

2.   YOU FEEL GUILTY ALL THE TIME

An exploiter often uses feelings like guilt and shame against you to coax you into giving them what they want. If you find yourself constantly feeling guilty to the point that it is affecting the decisions you make involving this person, they may have manipulated you to take advantage of you. It may feel like:

You are never giving or doing enough for them

They have been doing too much for you, and now you owe them

You are always making mistakes that you need to atone for

They are always suffering in some way or other, making you a bad person for saying “no” to them

Your actions, needs, or requests inconvenience them

It’s important to remember that you shouldn’t feel guilty for something forever. If you’ve atoned for a mistake, you needn’t make up for it for the rest of your life. One single action does not lead to a permanent need to atone. If a mistake you’ve made has ruined your entire relationship with someone to the point where it needs to be continuously made up for, it’s best to part ways.

3.   THEY ARE CONTROLLING

Someone who is exploiting you will also often try to control you. They need you in their grasp to keep you compliant, after all, and it’s challenging to take advantage of someone who you can’t control to some degree. Someone who is controlling you may attempt to:

Prevent you from doing certain things

Push you to participate in specific actions

Stop you from spending time with other people

Influence your decisions

The tricky part about this is that an exploiter may not be transparent about their control. They may use reverse psychology, mind games, and emotional manipulation to convince you to do what they want you to do, so you have to be extra cautious to detect this behavior.

If someone is actively controlling you in a clear and direct manner by blackmailing you, using fear, or threatening violence, seek help immediately from the relevant authorities.

4.   THEY PUNISH YOU INDIRECTLY

Indirect punishment is often not easily picked up on, as it doesn’t involve any obvious actions like hitting, shouting, or the declaration of a punishment. Instead, it involves a lot of passive aggression.

But even when passive punishment is not immediately apparent, you will likely notice it somehow. The negativity will cut through your positive thinking. It is through this method that an exploiter can punish you while maintaining an innocent and understanding facade.

Examples of indirect punishments are:

The silent treatment

Making things more difficult for you

Withdrawing already-promised assistance

Backhanded compliments

Saying things that can hurt you

5.   THEY ARE DISHONEST

There is no reason for an exploiter to be honest. If they were honest, they would tell you what their intentions are right off the bat, but that’s not what these manipulators do. They intentionally deceive you into achieving the results that they want. There’s no limit to what an exploiter may lie about. Some examples include:

Their life

Past or background

Personal values or opinions

Motivations

Emotions or feelings

If you have reason to believe someone is exploiting you, you should take everything they say with a pinch of salt. Don’t expect them to be honest with you. However, you can call them out on their behavior and specifically request honesty from them and see if they change their tune. Still, someone so deceptive will need to regain your trust through positive actions, and you do not have to give it to them freely.

6.   THEY PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR WEAKNESSES

An exploiter can’t exploit you if they can’t find anything to use. As such, they may pay extra attention to your weaknesses. They may try to learn how to push your buttons to manipulate you. These weaknesses could be anything, from topics that tend to set you off, to your loved ones, to causes you’re especially sympathetic towards.

Though these weaknesses make you more susceptible to manipulation, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have them. These so-called weaknesses aren’t necessarily negative – they’re part of what makes you human. Of course, you care for your loved ones and hate when they are poorly spoken about. Of course, you believe in some causes and are passionate about them. That’s normal and healthy!

But it’s essential for you to keep in mind that these things that you feel strongly about can and will be used against you by an exploiter. By knowing this in advance, you can keep this in mind and be prepared.

7.   YOUR CONFIDENCE IS DROPPING

A change in your self-esteem with no discernable trigger could be due to an unknown exploiter. Toxic and abusive behavior is a widespread cause of a decline in confidence, self-esteem, and positive thinking, and it can stay with you for years and years

Manipulators and exploiters can often undermine you and ruin your self-esteem because they continually make you feel reduced to one specific use. You may wonder if they even like you at all or if you’re worth spending time. You may wonder if you can ever do anything right, or if everything you do is destined for failure.

It’s crucial to keep in mind that your self-worth is not defined by anyone else. Only you can set it. If someone is exploitative of you, it doesn’t detract from your value or worth in any way.

8.   THEY MAKE YOU QUESTION YOUR REALITY

Gaslighting is a very commonly performed behavior that typically involves making the victim feel like they’re going crazy or losing their grip on reality. They twist events and situations in their favor, implying that you’re misremembering those events. They may use phrases like:

“Maybe you just weren’t paying attention.”

“You’re too emotional.”

“Woah, is your memory getting worse?”

“That’s obviously not what happened.”

“You’re taking this too seriously.”

But a lot of gaslighting is more complicated than one or two simple sentences. It involves slowly and deliberately making you question past events. If you aren’t aware of the manipulation, you may slowly begin to believe it, slowly losing confidence and positive thinking as you go. This is classified as abusive behavior.

If someone gaslights you, you can respond with the following statements:

“That isn’t my reality.”

“I understand your perspective, but that’s not how I see it.”

“We experienced that differently.”

“You cannot change what I experienced.”

someone exploiting you

9.   THEY SEEM TO HAVE DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES

It feels like you meet a different person every day with an exploiter. In various scenarios, they put on different masks, sometimes becoming unrecognizable.

As an example, they may be extremely polite and friendly in public but then morph into insulting and dismissive people behind closed doors. Why is this done? Well, someone who is taking advantage of you may need to make themselves look more positive or like the “good guy.” As such, they may do what they can to make sure that everyone around them has no reason to suspect their motives, making it difficult for you to seek help.

Another example is that they may seem kind and sweet to you one day, then cruel and biting the next. This is a form of indirect punishment and typically done to inform you that you’ve done something they don’t approve of.

FINAL THOUGHTS: TAKE SWIFT ACTION IF SOMEONE IS EXPLOITING YOU

So, should you immediately cut off anyone who does any of these signs someone is exploiting you? Not necessarily. Exploitative behavior can sometimes be unconscious, and while that doesn’t make it right, it does mean the actions are changeable. Sit down and talk to the person who is doing this to you with honest and direct communication and see if any changes come of it.

But if someone exploits you again and again, even after you speak to them and ask them to stop, it’s time to cut them off. Don’t feel ashamed of saying “Enough is enough” and showing an exploiter the door.

Esther Ijewere™©

Kindly like, follow, share and drop your comments. *winks*

Follow me on my social media accounts;

Instagram: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

8 SIGNS YOUR PARTNER IS MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE A RELATIONSHIP

The beginning of a relationship can be a whirlwind of excitement. Flirtatious chats, all that intimate tension. Unfortunately, many of us have had these honeymoon stage feelings and only found out later that our partner wasn’t anywhere near ready to handle a relationship.

While the relationship can be fun and casual, you’ll also want to make sure that you know the signs of when your partner is really ready to take the next step into a mature and adult relationship. Some people just don’t have the experience, while others just aren’t ready to mature yet.

But how can you identify a mature partner?

“Many women talk about dating a “mature man”. What they’re really referring to is “emotional maturity.” An emotionally mature man is a man who won’t shut you out the minute things get stressful in his life,” says author Christian Carter.

Make sure you know the signs of when your partner is ready to take that next step with you.

Here are 8 Signs Your Partner Is Ready To Handle a Relationship

1. THEY’RE WILLING TO SHOW VULNERABILITY

If your significant other is flighty, cagey and doesn’t seem to want to open up, it may be a sign that they’re just not ready for a real relationship. After all, a key component of being in a relationship is the ability and the willingness to be vulnerable with your partner. Your partner should be willing to share their feelings with you, even when those feelings are upsetting or uncomfortable.

2. THEY’RE AUTHENTIC

Your partner should act and feel like a real person. You shouldn’t have to watch them put on a show for the people around you. If your partner is authentic, it means that they’re willing to stick to their core beliefs, and don’t feel a need to fake it around other people. Your partner should be entirely comfortable with who they are. If they aren’t, how are they going to be comfortable in a relationship?

If something comes up or things don’t go their way, they’re able to handle it with grace rather than throwing a fit. You want to be sure that your partner is able to go with the flow, because life and relationships are always going to be changing when we least expect it.

You don’t want a partner who is using you for financial gain.

“It is important that someone be able to take care of themselves emotionally and physically. If they can’t, they will never be able to provide the support they need to provide when that is called for,” says clinical psychologist and author Mark E. Sharp, Ph.D.

Having a partner who is flexible and easily able to handle change means that they’re definitely ready and mature enough to be in a relationship.

4. THEY’RE INTIMATE

Having a good sex life is a pretty important part of having a mature relationship. If your partner has troubles with intimacy, it may be a sign that they’re just not ready to take that step with you. And that’s okay! People move at their own pace. Your partner should always be intimate in ways that aren’t just limited to sex. They should be able to share their feelings with you, and share parts of themselves that they don’t with other people. That is an important part of intimacy.

5. THEY HAVE GOALS AND STICK WITH THEM

Having goals is good, but sometimes people just put them on a shelf and forget to actually try and achieve them. You want to make sure your partner has the ability to make goals and also follow through with them. If they want to lose a few pounds, your partner should have the control to change their diet or exercise in order to do so – instead of just saying they want to without doing anything.

5. THEY HAVE GOOD FINANCIAL HABITS

The hallmark of someone who isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship is their inability to handle their finances. They should be able to pay their bills on time without accidentally overspending on things that they shouldn’t. If your partner has good financial habits and isn’t constantly running out of money on things they don’t need, it’s safe to say they’re mature enough to handle a relationship.

7. THEY’RE A GOOD PERSON

Being a good person is a culmination of many things. How do they treat strangers, service workers, their friends and their parents? What are their values? How do they feel about helping others? A lot of being a good person is knowing when to be selfless. If your partner has a hard time thinking about anyone other than themselves, then they might not be ready to think about you.

A good person is one who has “respect and kindness in his words and actions. You don’t feel belittled or less than even if he isn’t happy with you. He stands with you and has your back when you are struggling. Your priorities become important to him,” says marriage counselor and author Lesli Doares.

8. THEY’RE SELF-AWARE

Your partner should be able to notice both their strengths and their weaknesses. You want a partner who has a balanced view of themselves. If they think too highly of themselves, they may not be able to recognize when they’re in the wrong. If they think too lowly of themselves, they may not have the self-esteem it takes to maintain a relationship. Keep an eye out for your partner’s self-awareness; it’ll be a huge indicator of when they’re ready for a relationship.

Lets me also add that a mature partner should respect your differences

Not only do they respect them, but they also appreciate them. Your partner should appreciate your differences, and respect you as a person enough to not try and change them. If you find that your partner can’t seem to see past your differences, it may be a sign they’re not ready to handle a relationship

Final thoughts

Making sure your partner hits these checkpoints of maturity is important to knowing whether or not they’re really ready for a relationship. But at the same time, it’s important that you can say the same thing about yourself, as well! Relationships take two people to work, and you want to make sure you’re not holding your partner to a higher standard than yourself.

– Esther Ijewere™©

Kindly like, follow, share and drop your comments. *winks*

Follow me on my social media accounts;

Instagram: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

8 SIMPLE WAYS TO BUILD YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE

“Do you want to attract people to you effortlessly”?

“Do people warm up to you easily”?

If you have confidence in yourself and your abilities or you want to boost your confidence level, then this article is for you.

Read on….

With Confidence, you’re more likely to try different things and take risks—ask your boss for a raise or promotion, approach an attractive guy or girl in public, or start working out.

Confidence is something that is often easy to notice in people, but is difficult to figure out what exactly it is they’re doing that is making them so visibly confident.

Here are 8 things that confident people do regularly and that you can implement immediately to start building your confidence.

1. Listen

Confident people listen and hear what others have to say. This is a way to remain open-minded and understand others’ perspectives. One of the best tips I was ever told was to listen to someone’s viewpoint and wait at least three seconds to reply. If you reply too soon, you’re defending your response or replying with your own thoughts and it’s likely that you didn’t actually listen—you were concentrated on your perspective. As you wait to reply, the other person is also more likely to reveal more about themselves. Next time you feel the urge to reply immediately in a conversation, stop, wait for three seconds, and really let that other person’s words sink in.

2. Smile

Something as simple as smiling more can do wonders to improve your mood and stress levels. Smiling makes your brain feel like you are happy, which in turn projects positivity to the rest of your body. Next time you are walking down the street or around the halls at school or work, smile at the first person you see and notice the change in your mood.

3. Encourage others

Confident people are aware of their abilities and don’t feel threatened by others. Instead, confident people encourage others to be successful and inspire others to seek out beneficial opportunities. Next time someone approaches you—a coworker, friend, colleague—about an opportunity they have or are interested in, encourage and inspire them to go through with it.

4. Ask about others

Confident people don’t feel the need to talk about themselves every chance they get. Yes, they want to be heard, but they don’t feel a need to prove themselves. This confidence allows them to get to know another person quicker, as they are making that person feel like the most important person in the room. Next time you’re talking to someone you don’t know (or barely know), try to keep the conversation about them while being genuine. To do this, use a mental framework called FORGE: family, occupation, relationships, goals, environment. Once you find something that they seem passionate about or that you have in common, go further on that topic. Once a person realizes you’re genuinely interested in them, they are more likely to open up.

5. Think confidently

Thinking confidently may seem obvious or easy, but it’s important (and sometimes harder than you’d think). To think confidently, try remembering a time when you felt confident in a situation. Maybe after you received a compliment from someone after your last presentation, you felt great about yourself and confident in your skills. Before you give your next presentation or speech, remember how this felt, and remember that other people saw how well you performed previously—this lets your brain know you are more than capable of succeeding because you’ve done it before.

6. Dress for success

This may seem vain, but the way you dress impacts how you feel. Think about it— you don’t put on dress clothes to lounge around all day, watching Netflix. So, the same holds true if you want to feel confident. Next time you go into a situation where you need to feel confident (a presentation, negotiation, crucial conversation, etc.) wear clean, well-kept clothes that fit properly and notice how more confident you feel.

8. Meditate

Meditation is one of the best ways to improve your presence, and presence is one of the key contributors of charisma. Confident people have great awareness of the situation around them and they focus all their energy and attention on those they are talking with. Meditating opens your mind to feeling in the moment, and when you’re in the moment it’s easier to see your abilities and skills in action, which can help you to feel more confident in yourself. Meditating can improve your mindfulness and make you more aware of your own thoughts. If you can recognize your thoughts, you’re able to catch the negative ones before they manifest in your body and turn them into positive thoughts, which will help you to feel more confident.

– Esther Ijewere™©

Kindly like, follow, share and drop your comments. *winks*

Follow me on my social media accounts;

Instagram: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

6 SECRETS YOU SHOULD NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE

“Have you ever told someone more they need to know “?

“Have you had a phone conversation and right after you regret saying more than you should”?

Well, you are not alone….. This article is just for you,

Continue reading….

Truth is Lots of us have a bad habit of wearing our hearts on our sleeves. This can make us an open book even to strangers. We definitely don’t want that – mystery is the spice of life, after all. Keeping a clear distinction between your personal life and your professional life is a difficult (but very important) skill to master. You have to be very picky who you share your secrets with, because, unfortunately, not everyone has good intentions.

Importantly, you need to be careful to make sure that the details of your personal life can’t be used to hurt you. It’s useful to have a basic list of certain personal information you should never share with others. If you don’t know how to make your own list, we’re here to help. In fact, we’ve combined some secrets you should always try to keep to yourself, no matter how strong the urge to share them with everyone.

According to Joan Collins; “The secret of having a personal life is not answering too many questions about it.”

HERE ARE 6 SECRETS TO NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE

1. Past Resentments

We all have negative stories about our personal life to tell about people we don’t like. (Remember those schoolmates or former colleagues that you held a grudge against years ago – and maybe still do? Yeah, same here.) It’s always best to let go of these feelings and discuss them as little as you can in public. This is for you as much as for others, because negativity is exhausting. Not just to feel but also to listen to. People prefer communicating with positive conversation partners, those who have interesting insights to provide – not ones who gripe about some other people they don’t even know. Let go of whatever’s weighing you down. Try to focus on the present and you’ll find that more and more people will be keen to talk to you.

2. Material Belongings

As we all know, certain things in life are far more important than their cost. But sometimes, we can’t help but brag about the new car we have, or the new phone we just bought at an exclusive price. As much as Parks and Recreation might tell you otherwise, your colleagues don’t want to know about how you’ve been treating yourself. It can make you come off as arrogant and overly obsessed with the monetary value of things rather than their unique significance. Modesty is a wonderful accessory. You should try and spread it throughout your conversations.

3. Goals for the Future

You might find this unlikely, but there is actually science behind the fact that you’re much more likely to achieve your long-term goals if you don’t share them with others. When you tell others about your future aspirations, you almost feel as if the enjoyment of achieving the goal has been taken from you. As a result, you don’t work as hard towards it. If you keep your goals to yourself, however, you have a much higher chance of achieving them. And once you have done that, feel free to tell the whole world about it.

4. Your Income

Only one group of people should be allowed to know the details of your income: the people who work in your bank. Money is never a nice subject to talk about in public because you never know what anyone’s financial situation looks like. It may seem like you’re bragging without meaning to. Money – and knowledge about finances – can shift relationships irreparably. Once your financial situation becomes public knowledge, people just start looking at you differently without being able to help it. To save yourself from that kind of awkward situation, keep the details of your income to your bank statements.

5. Good Deeds

You may have heard that good deeds always attract good karma. That’s true, and you should never be discouraged from doing good – however, if you start bragging about it, it takes on a whole different perspective. Once you brag about something good that you’ve done, you’re making it all about yourself, thus invalidating the good that you’ve already created. Many of the greatest philanthropists in the world remain anonymous for a very good reason. When you do a charitable deed, you want the attention to be on the people or the cause that you’re helping and not on yourself.

6. Family Problems

Whether it’s your extended family or your blood relatives, keep the problems in the family. Don’t abuse people’s trust. You’ve been told those secrets because you are close to these people, but they haven’t allowed you to spread them around to everyone in your social circle. They confided in you, and breaking that confidence is the worst thing you could possibly do. Be respectful of other people’s secrets. In return, you can expect for them to treat you the same

– Esther Ijewere™©

Kindly like, follow, share and drop your comments. *winks*

Follow me on my social media accounts;

Instagram: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

7 SIGNS SOMEONE IS JEALOUS OF YOU (AND HOW TO FIX IT)

“Have you ever felt like a friend or family is jealous of you”?

“Do you have friends who love to compete with you”?

Nothing feels worse than achieving a goal or becoming successful in an endeavor and discovering that the people around you don’t feel proud or positive about it – but rather, they feel jealous. A person’s jealous feelings can cause them to act unkindly towards us, especially in the face of our own achievements or success.

Everyone has felt this unpleasant emotion at least once in their lives, and most likely much more than that. It seems much harder to deal with when other people feel jealous towards us, though. After all, we can control how we feel, but we can’t control other people’s emotions. Recognizing the signs that someone is jealous of you can be the first step to fixing it.

Here are 7 signs if someone’s jealous of you ;

1. Downplay your Success

No matter what you achieve or how hard you worked to do so, jealous people will always try to make it seem like it was a fluke, or that you didn’t work as hard as you did to achieve your success. The reasons that they come up with may be rude or condescending. Rising to their bait will only make them more likely to talk poorly. Stay humble but firm in your achievements. If you brag, they may be more likely to stay jealous of you.

“People who will envy you the most are the ones who are in need the most of what you possess,” says M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

2. False Praise

When someone is jealous of you, they’re often the first to give you a compliment that sounds sincere, or seems to be dripping with passive aggression. However, you’ll find that these people will be rolling their eyes the minute you leave the room.

They would rather pretend they’re not jealous than address the issue. One way to turn it back around is to give them sincere compliments when something good happens to them. It may help them see that you’re a genuine person, and help curb their jealousy.

3. Flaunting their Success

Someone who is jealous of you may be more inclined to flaunt their success more than it’s really worth flaunting. They may be more inclined to flaunt their own achievements while you’re celebrating your own. These are the type of people to get engaged at a wedding.

But why do they flaunt their success in the first place?

Because chances are, they’re not as successful as you are. Author Bob Bly states, “There are always people who are filled with negative thoughts — not only about others whom they envy (you) but also about themselves and their perceived failure to having achieved their goals (which are often to own their own business or be richer than they are).”

While it may be frustrating, getting upset is only going to make them feel more justified in their behavior. Instead, offer them sincere praise in their achievements. Leading by example is a good way to alter someone’s behavior.

4. They’re are Imitating You

Someone who is jealous of you alternatively wants to be better than you, and also be just like you. They may imitate the way you talk or the way you dress in order to feel better about themselves. Instead of allowing this to upset you, try to encourage them to go their own way. When they’re doing their own thing, give them positive reinforcement. Show them that they don’t have to be you to be great, and that they can be their own person.

5. They’re are competitive

Jealous people tend to be highly competitive, because they always want to be the one reaping the success or as clinical psychologist Melanie Greenberg says, they are “either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority.”

While it can be tempting to take them down a peg, refuse to make the competition unhealthy, or even refuse to participate. If they try to argue with you about a job promotion, just simply tell them: “It isn’t a competition.” Refusing to play into their game will make them less likely to try and continue to one up you.

jealousy

6. Celebrating your failures

Someone who is jealous is going to privately feel very good about when you make mistakes, or get reprimanded or corrected at work or school. While they may never show it, they’re often secretly enjoying your failures. Handle your mistakes with grace! You can always remind them that making mistakes are part of life and learning. If you’re not upset, they’re not getting the enjoyment out of it that they thought they would.

7. They gossip behind your back

Jealous people will always find a way to talk about you behind your back. It’s not fun, and the things they say can be malicious and hurtful. The best way to deal with someone who does this may be just to confront them directly.

Since jealous people don’t tend to be outwardly confrontational, talking to them seriously about what they’re doing may be enough to get them to rethink their behavior, or to get it to stop entirely.

My final thoughts

Dealing with someone else’s jealousy can be a tricky situation. You may feel the desire to just tell them off. But, dealing with a jealous person in a non-confrontational and positive manner is ultimately better for both you and the other person. They may feel a lot of self-esteem issues that they need to work through, and getting upset with them won’t fix or deal with their jealous tendencies. Knowing the signs of a jealous person will make it easier to fix and handle in a positive and productive manner.

– Esther Ijewere™©

Kindly like, follow, share and drop your comments. *winks*

Follow me on my social media accounts;

Instagram: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

by
Keep Reading
In Inspiration By

CAREER–Farida Yahya: Use These Methods To Create a Unique Brand Voice

This year, whatever brand tone you adopt, the most important rule is to ensure that your brand tone is authentic. Trying to fake your voice is like asking a goat to sing. You’re literally bleating and people can easily spot anything fake these days. As studies have shown throughout the years, consumers buy products from brands that they connect to on an emotional level. They also stay away from brands that they cannot connect with.

 As 2019 came to an end, a good number of startup founders took some time off work to do some introspection. What worked? What didn’t? How can they outsmart the competition in the coming decade?

In my limited interaction with all the sales and end of year bundle ads that flew around, I noticed a predictable pattern: most brands have lost their brand voice in a bid to cash in and stamp “sold out” across their social media pages. While that seems to work short term, it won’t be business as usual in 2020.

How do you keep your “I am different” slogan and still make some cool cash? I have four methods to share with you. But before then, let’s talk about marketing your new business.

New product idea? Check.

A good customer base? Double-check.

Before you proceed with marketing your new business, product or brand, you must define your ‘brand voice’. Your company’s brand voice is the heart and soul of your communication. It is the tone you adapt to speak and connect with your audience.

The absence of a brand voice means that you can’t create your blog, publish your first post, tweet or post a caption on Instagram. Your brand’s voice can range from being authoritative to fun, informative or witty. This year, whatever brand tone you adopt, the most important rule is to ensure that your brand tone is authentic. Trying to fake your voice is like asking a goat to sing. You’re literally bleating and people can easily spot anything fake these days. As studies have shown throughout the years, consumers buy products from brands that they connect to on an emotional level. They also stay away from brands that they cannot connect with.

So how do you make your brand’s voice unique enough to stand out from its competitors?

Build Prototypes

As you work on determining your brand’s voice, you must know who you’re talking to — beyond your audiences’ basic demographics. One trick to help you easily identify this is to pick a person from your target market (it could be the elderly, working mums, stay-at-home parents, bachelors, etc) to answer the following questions:

  • What does he or she look like?
  • What does he or she care about?
  • Where does he or she work?
  • What does he or she do for fun?
  • And, most importantly, what does he or she expect from your brand?

Answering these questions will give an insight into people’s heads and teach you how to attract them to your brand. Plus, it’s the first step to defining what brand voice to adopt.

Identify The Language Your Target Audience (Customers) Use

Pay attention to where your target audience gathers: online or in-person? Visit those places and observe the way they write and speak. See how they describe the challenges they face that your product or service solves and bring those terms into your official vocabulary. By using their words, you make it easier for potential customers to immediately understand your company’s value.

Answer These Questions

The next step is to answer the following questions:

  • I want my brand to make people feel _______ (happy, important, belong, create nostalgia, etc).
  •  _______ makes me feel this way.
  • I want people to _______ when they see my brand.
  • Three words that describe my brand are _______ , _______ , and _______.
  • I want to mimic the brand voice of _______.
  • I dislike brand voices that sound _______ (cliché, rude, angry, unsympathetic, and arrogant?).
  • Connecting with my clients and potential clients makes me feel _______.

Since your aim would be to adopt a sincere and natural brand tone, you must pay attention to the answers you get from the questions above. Should your brand voice be plain, witty, authoritative or funny? Is it rolling-on-the floor funny or laugh-out-loud funny? Should it be scholarly authoritative or I’m explaining something to a younger brother/sister authoritative? Take your pick!

Create a Test Group

Get a bunch of your closest people together (families and friends). Please note that these people should also represent your (proposed) target market. Ask for their opinion about:

  • What excites them the most about your brand?
  • What makes it unique?
  • What words describe your brand?

Based on their feedback, craft a 1-2 sentence mission statement in a few different brand voices. Then decide which one feels the most natural to you or excites you the most.

The answers you get here hugely determine the brand tone you adopt. Additionally, it’s okay to combine parts of the answers to the second question above to get the final product. Finding your brand tone can be likened to painting: sometimes, it requires adding a splash of this and that to get the perfect result.

In Conclusion

Finding a unique voice that your customers will love isn’t easy. It isn’t impossible either. With tons of commotion and unhealthy comparisons on social media, it’s hard to stand out and easy to get lost in the noise. However, remember that it’s very easy to create a bad or easily forgettable experience that will make your followers bored and press the mute or unfollow button.

When you develop and stick to a brand voice, social media interactions get easier. People easily identify your brand and know what to expect from it. Make sure to promote your brand voice and have a clear vision of how everyone sees your brand. Brand perception is extremely important!

Here’s to your success in the new decade.

Happy New Year

By Farida Yahya

Credit: Bellanaija

 

 

by
Keep Reading
In Inspiration By

Congratulations to Damilola Ogunbiyi On Her New Appointment At UN

On January 1, 2020, Ogunbiyi announced her resumption and vision for her new appointment and efforts to achieve the Sustenable Development Goals (SDG7) in its last decade.

Mrs Damilola Ogunbiyi was appointed as the new Special Representative for Sustainable Energy for All and Co-Chair of United Nations-Energy by the UN Secretary General António Guterres on  October 29, 2019.

According to Sustainable Energy For All, Before joining SEforALL, Damilola Ogunbiyi was the first female Managing Director of the Nigerian Rural Electrification Agency and responsible for successfully negotiating within 18 months the Nigerian Electrification Project which is a USD 550m facility (World Bank USD 350m and AfDB USD 200m) to rapidly construct solar mini-grids and deploy solar home systems across Nigeria. She was also responsible for the Energizing Education Programme which will provide uninterrupted electricity to 37 federal universities and seven teaching hospitals through off-grid captive power.

Mrs. Ogunbiyi has good interest in mentoring and empowering young people through skills acquisitions. She also created the Lagos State Energy Academy to help build the capacity of young people in renewable energy technology.

Vanguard Nigeria cited that Her appointment comes as the world is about to enter the final decade to achieve Sustainable Development Goal 7 (SDG7) – access to affordable, reliable, sustainable and modern energy for all by 2030. SEforALL is an international organization, headquartered in Vienna, Austria, that is dedicated to helping the world achieve SDG7 and Paris Agreement targets.

Women of Rubies say Congratulation to Mrs Ogunbiyi on her exalted position.

by
Keep Reading
In self development By

OGECHI OFURUM-OMEIKE SET TO HOLD 2ND FUTURE BUSINESS LEADERS CONFERENCE

The Future Business Leaders Conference is an initiative of Techie and Savvy.

It is a platform where they expose primary and secondary school pupils to industry experts with the aim of spurring them to become value driven, take decisive actions towards greatness, create an entrepreneurial mindset in pupils and provoke similar conversation between participants.

Last year, Techie and Savvy organized the first Future Business Leaders Conference and it was a huge success. We had pupils from over 20 schools in attendance.

According to Ogechi; “This year, our aim is to make it bigger, better and open to as many schools and pupils that are willing to participate. As such, seats shall be allocated on a first come, first serve basis. At Techie and Savvy Entrepreneurship Club, we are particular about enabling our pupils become creators of value. We believe that every child is born with inherent talents and potentials which when properly nurtured and developed will function to position them for success and greatness. Hence, the theme for this year’s conference is: My Talent and I”.

The speakers shall be looking at subject matter areas such as:

How to discover and harness your talent, the importance of learning a skill, how to create value with your talent and potentials and how to position yourself for greatness.

Objective: At the end of the conference, participants shall be able to:

•Identify their God given talents and inherent potentials
•Learn how to harness their talents and potentials
•Understand how to create value using their talents and potentials
•Develop strategies on how to monetize their talents and potentials.

Program Details:

Theme: My Talent and I
Date: 5th March, 2020
Venue: Pelican Hotel, Chevron
Time: 8:30 am

To have your school pupils attend this event, kindly send us a direct message or send a Whatsapp message to 08091747563.

Registration Closes on the 21st of February, 2020.

by
Keep Reading
In Inspiration By

DANIELLE OUTLAW BECOMES PHILADELPHIA’S FIRST BLACK WOMAN POLICE COMMISSIONER

Philadelphia has hired Danielle Outlaw, making her the first black woman police commissioner hired to lead the city, according to ABC News.

Outlaw was previously the police chief of Portland, Oregon, where she was also the first black woman to hold that position. She had been Portland’s chief of police since 2017. She was appointed to the latest position this week by Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenney.

In a press release, Mayor Kenney said, “I think constantly about what it takes to be a police officer. Our men and women in blue leave home each day knowing they are about to put their lives at risk to protect our community, and that even on a good day they are likely to encounter extremely challenging and disturbing situations. I know officers take on this sworn duty, first and foremost, to help Philadelphians. Their devotion to public service is never forgotten.”

“But make no mistake: while I have tremendous respect for our officers, the Philadelphia Police Department needs reform. I am appointing Danielle Outlaw because I am convinced she has the conviction, courage, and compassion needed to bring long-overdue reform to the Department. After meeting and speaking with her at length, I came away confident that Danielle Outlaw possesses the strength, integrity, and empathy vital to the tasks ahead.

Outlaw is taking over the department four months after former police commissioner Richard Ross resigned amidst allegations that his department had engaged in sexual harassment and racial and gender discrimination amongst its ranks.

“I am honored by the faith that Mayor Kenney is placing in me to lead the Philadelphia Police Department. While I am new to Philadelphia, I am not new to the challenges of big-city, 21st century policing,” Outlaw said. “I encountered and dealt with the issues of employee health and wellness, equity, contemporary training, crime, fair and just prosecution, community trust, homelessness, substance abuse, police accountability, and innovation and technology—just to name a few—as I worked various assignments and rose through the ranks in Oakland, California. And I directly addressed these issues while leading the police force in Portland, Oregon.

“Modern policing is data-driven, but the paramount factor is not so easily quantified: trust—the trust residents have that their police force will keep them safe and treat them with respect. I am convinced that trust can be restored, here and across the nation. I am convinced community-police relations can be rebuilt and fortified through dialogue, transparency, and accountability.

“It will be a privilege to serve as Philadelphia Police Commissioner and to serve all who live and work in this great city. I will work relentlessly to reduce crime in Philadelphia—particularly the insidious gun violence that plagues too many communities. And I will do so in a way that ensures all people are treated equitably regardless of their gender identity, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. I am convinced there can be humanity in authority; they are not mutually exclusive. That was true in Oakland and in Portland, and I know it is true here in Philadelphia.”

Outlaw is a member of the International Association of Chiefs of Police Human and Civil Rights Committee, as well as the National Organization of Black Law Enforcement Executives.

 

Culled from Black Enterprise

by
Keep Reading

©2025. WomenofRubies. All Rights Reserved.