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Esther Ijewere: 5 Toxic People To Remove From Your Life Right Now

Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” If that’s true, you’d better believe that you’re going to catch any noxious qualities your top 5 are suffering from. Keep in mind: these kinds of infections aren’t only spread through physical contact. You can catch them through social media or even television. In other words, the 5 people you spend the most time with could be people you haven’t met, people whose Instagram profiles you constantly peruse or even fictional characters on a television show you watch daily.

At any rate, if any of your top 5 people are on this list, quarantine yourself from them post-haste before you catch their bad qualities.

The pessimist

You find the day looks a little grayer after hanging out with this fellow. She has a habit of seeing the mud instead of the sun, and she tends to leave glasses half empty all over your house. Her negativity is catching, so make sure to expel this friend from your life.

Symptoms of spending time with the pessimist are: loss of sunny attitude, prevalent dissatisfaction with daily activities, whiny voice and chronic complaining.

The envier

She can’t help but want what you have. This is the girl  who starts telling you how great single life is as soon as you have a boyfriend or plays down the fact that you rocked it at work. Good friends are happy about your successes, but the envier is not a good friend.

Symptoms of having this character in your life: unusual dissatisfaction with and unwarranted guilt for things you were previously grateful for.

The gossiper

I’m not going to say there’s no satisfaction from gossiping, but at the end of the day, do you want to be a person who talks about others behind their backs? This friend makes all that dishing so easy-it’s practically inescapable. He thinks he’s making others look bad, but when all is said and done, the gossiper is the one who’s looking pretty awful.

Symptoms of chilling with your gossiper homie: increased unfair judgment, damaged friendships and loss of trust.

The victim

“Woe is me!” is the mantra of this friend. She doesn’t appreciate your advice because there’s obviously nothing she can do to fix the situation. I mean, it’s not like any of her life’s tragedies are her fault.

Symptoms of having a victim in your life: recurring pointed finger, loss of problem-solving skills and reduced motivation.

The backstabber

Let’s be real-Caesar didn’t seem too surprised when Brutus approached him with a knife. You know which friends you can trust and which you can’t. Don’t give someone trust they don’t deserve. The backstabber wants the upper hand, and staying friends with this character is just giving him the opportunity to take it.

Symptoms of developing a relationship with a backstabber: damaged reputation, diminished self-esteem and increased desire to grab knives.

Even though these people are infecting you, take care when removing them from your life. After all, your goodness may have a healing effect on them. This doesn’t mean you should be in the business of fixing anyone. It just means you should do your best to avoid causing further damage when you might have the power to soothe their ails.

On the other hand, you can always avoid making these toxic people the top 5 who occupy your life. Limit their presence on your news feed. Dilute their influence by hanging out with them in groups. And if this toxic person is someone you don’t even know, remove him or her completely.

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Mercy Makinde: Goal Settings Tips For Female Entrepreneurs

 The buzzwords going around this first month of the year are Goals and Goal-Setting! Throughout the media, Internet and even in the Board Rooms, Goal setting is BIG. It’s everywhere and everyone is talking about how important it is to set your goals.

Before now goal setting was considered a masculine activity. Women relish in their ability to multi-task and get loads of things done at the same time and quickly too, so they shy away from setting clear, specific and meaningful goals. Many female entrepreneurs still have not realised the power of setting effective business goals.

To be a female entrepreneur without business goals is like getting in the car and driving around town without a clear direction of where you are going!

It is impossible to really know if your daily activities and strategies are moving you in the right direction if you do not set business goals.

Can you imagine getting in the car to go shopping without knowing what market or shop you want to go to or where they are located? That is precisely what you do when you begin your business year without a goal in mind.

Not only should you set goals for your business, you should also map out strategies on how you will achieve each goal and set deadlines. Goals should be written down and reviewed over time to ensure you are hitting your targets. Here are a few tips to help you set achievable goals in 2017.

Identify What You Want

The first real step to an effective goal setting is knowing what you want in life. As simple as that may sound if you ask many people what they want and where they would realistically want to be in a year, two years or five years, they do not have a clue. Speak to employers of labour, I’m sure they can relate!

So sit down and work out what you truly want in life, business, family, career and even leisure. There is an excellent tool you can use as guide called ‘The Wheel of Life’.

Make Your Goals Holistic

Set goals in every area of your life – Social, Family, Business, Relationships, Leisure, Spiritual and Financial Goals.

Write Your Goals Down

Write down your goals as often as you can. Our brain cannot keep a tab on all our thoughts so, Write Them Down! Remember, The faintest ink is more powerful than the strongest memory!

Keep It Simple

Do not overwhelm yourself with too many goals. You cannot change everything in a day. And everything you want in life cannot be achieved in one single year. So keep it real, keep it simple!! Take consistent action and over time, you will get to where you want to be

One Step At A Time

Don’t get overwhelmed with goals that seem too far-fetched and unrealistic. They should be realistic and achievable. For example if you are a jewelry maker and you currently make 10 jewelry sets a week. Would it make sense to increase to 100 a week from 10? A more realistic goal would be 15-20 a week and when you achieve that you can increase again to 25 -30. In other words, set incremental goals and build the momentum. This way your Goals Will Be Achievable Or Doable.

Record Your Milestones

Track your progress and list your accomplishments as you go along. This is important because when you hit setbacks and get frustrated, your achievement so far will help you stay encouraged and focused.

Reward Yourself

Whenever you have achieved a set goal, reward yourself. This helps you to stay motivated.Clearly, from these few tips, goal setting is definitely not as complex and scary as it sometimes appears. Setting goals is only designed to help stretch you and make you grow.

Nonetheless after following these steps, if you don’t take action to execute all you have put down, your goals will be nothing but dreams or a mere wish and that doesn’t take you anywhere but leaves you worse than the person who didn’t write at all! So, take charge of your goals and focus on achieving great results. You can do it!

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Farida Yahya: Ready To Launch That Online Business? Take My Simple Idea Verification Test

Please note that every startup’s story is different. However, I’d like you to remember this: “If your products or services are high-quality, solves your target market’s problems and reflects your passion, the probability of achieving a profitable business is high.”

COVID-19 crisis has brought a change in the economic landscape. Like you, a lot of people are thinking of either starting a new business online or pivoting from what they used to do.

Do you have a great idea and want to become a business owner in these times? Just before you dive into it, are you sure that your idea is viable in the market? Before investing in a new business, the most important step to take is to assess your idea’s viability.

From my experience, these are just markers and not the general rules. Today, I’ve compiled a list of idea verification questions you must ask yourself to assess your business’ chances of success.

 

Have you done a full self-analysis?

 

Market research doesn’t have much significance if you are not well equipped to meet the demand of the market. This is why self-analysis is important. The questions you should ask must help you dig deeper than the surface and help you develop a plan to build your business as a solution to your target customer’s pain point. Additionally, asking these questions and getting the answers to them would help lay your business foundation.

Below are the examples of questions you should ask yourself before you start talking to others about your business:

  • Why do I want to start a business?
  • What problem does my business solve?
  • Where will I find my target customers?
  • How do I identify them online?
  • What digital skills do I have?
  • What are my business goals?

One go-to method I use and recommend is to write down the answers in a book or journal. This will help solidify your thoughts and serve as blueprints for laying the foundation of your business.

Do You Know Your Competitors?

Every business has competitors, irrespective of whether they are direct or indirect. There are people and brands who have built a strong digital presence long before this crisis, so naturally, customers will trust them.

Identifying your competitors would help you know what they are doing and how your business can stand out from the crowd. Looking at what other businesses in your niche or industry are doing will give you valuable insights into how to run your proposed business without suffering from losses.

A smart business owner should understand other businesses’ strategies and not get too caught up in what its competitors are doing.

Have You Evaluated Your Social Capital?

I’m sure that we all heard the saying, “It takes money to make money”. While the phrase might sound cliché, its meaning still holds till today. But online, social capital built from trust and proof are the currency you will need to build a successful digital brand.

Most times, you’ll use a combination of your personal stories and collaborations with trusted brands to convince customers to buy from you. You must create a digital sales funnel that highlights how the money will be spent and marketing strategies for generating revenue, despite the current times.

Have You Analysed the Pulse of the Market?

One of the best ways to validate your business idea is via your target market. How do you achieve this? The first step is to define or identify your target market. Your target market are people who will be interested in what you have to sell.  After identifying them, the next step is to conduct effective market analysis on a small group (also known as a focus group).

Check out some of the ways you can test your business idea with target customers:

Have a focus group

A focus group consists of a small section of your identified target market that use your products or services and provide feedback. Using focus groups, conducting surveys and interviews show what consumers think about your business idea before you invest in it.

Ask groups on social media

Thanks to the internet and social media, you can seek validation or get people’s opinion about your business idea. From Facebook  groups to WhatsApp and even Telegram, social media practically puts your target market at your fingertips, you can conduct a survey or run a poll to assess people’s general perceptions and if they think you should do anything differently.

Set up a crowdfunding page

If necessary, crowdfunding pages are also great for determining your business idea’s viability. Crowdfunding websites offer more than just investors. You can also gain valuable reactions, observations, and advice from like-minded individuals. Bonus: You might be lucky to find someone who wants to invest in your idea.

Using small groups to test your business idea determines consumer’s impressions about what you have to sell. If the small market tests are successful, there’s a good possibility that your business idea will be accepted by a larger audience.

How do you really know if your business idea is viable?

Unfortunately, while there’s no one way to determine a business success, careful planning, excellent marketing strategies and enough capital to get the business off the ground would go a long way.

Please note that every startup’s story is different. However, I’d like you to remember this: “If your products or services are high-quality, solves your target market’s problems and reflects your passion, the probability of achieving a profitable business is high.”

One last thing, ask yourself these questions:

  • Desirability (target market) — will customers want it badly to buy it?
  • Feasibility — can I build/execute it?
  • Viability —will the profit I will make from it be greater than the expenditure I used to create or build it?
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Olabisi Animashuan: How To Support A Friend In An Abusive Relationship

In recent times, the rate of reported domestic abuse and death by intimate partner cases have skyrocketed. The raging pandemic has even become a fuelling agent as 80% of the report incidents took place during the Covid-19 lockdown. The internet, especially Twitter, also recorded the largest reports of domestic abuse and deaths in recent times as victims had tried to seek help and justice against their abusers. Agencies that provide sensitive services and help to victims of domestic and sexual violence also testified to the alarming increase rate of calls received since the pandemic.

The head of Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team, DSVRT, Titilola Vivour-Adeniyi testifies to the fact that since the beginning of the lockdown on 30th March 2020 in Lagos, the agency now receives an average of 13 calls per day for just one of their hotlines compared with the 8 -9 they have been receiving before (extracted and translated from an article on BBC Pidgin). The absence of excuses to leave the vicinity of their abuser further heightened the situation. Before the lockdown, the victims had a little ‘protection’ or ‘break’ by going to the office, school, running errands, or other excuses that took them from the house.

Though many victims are just realising that there is no shame in sharing your ordeal with organizations that can help, many still, for the fear of being judged, embarrassed and ridiculed, keep their ordeal to themselves, hoping to still make things work. Unfortunately, very few of such people make it alive of such relationships if they eventually decide to leave.

In May 2020, the hashtag ‘#whyIdidnotreport’ trended and thousands of women shared their various reasons for staying in a toxic relationship. A large number had said their partner had pleaded over and over after each abuse; some might go as far as threatening to commit suicide if they left. Others had said they had devoted their lives to making the relationship work and did not know where to start over again. For many other women, especially the ones with children, they had chosen to stay for the sake of their children and because they didn’t have the financial capacity to care for themselves and their children. While some others chose to stay because they have been told over and over again that “it rains everywhere”, they only had to endure and manage their own storm. These women in their own rights had valid reasons for choosing to stay.

This article is to help us help our friends escape a toxic relationship, and help them get justice. Feminista Jones, in her article published on Zora “What to do if your friend is being abused” said

“Being a good friend means being mindful of how you speak about domestic and intimate partner violence around others because you never know if someone you love is being abused. Saying, “I don’t get why they just don’t leave. How stupid can you be?” can alienate your best friend who goes home to an abuser every day and you have no idea. Instead of expressing frustration, focus on empathy, and supportive language. “It’s so hard to leave abusive relationships. I hope you know that if you’re ever in this situation, you can come to me. No judgments.”

That’s the first step to getting them to open up. Assuring them of our love, understanding, and support without judgments.

Taking a peek at the unfortunate news of the gruesome murder of beautiful and bright Olamide Alli Omajuwa, the founder of The Pearl Academy, by the hands of her long-time lover and the father of her children, who then cowardly took his own life, evading the consequences of his actions. The horrific details of her murder sent shivers down the spines of many Nigerians. Days after her death, a WhatsApp chat, and VN had been released by a close friend. The chat indicated her doubts about the relationship and oncoming wedding, though she hadn’t gone into details of the causes of her doubts. Had the friend known things would turn out the way they did, she would have attempted to do more; have sort help on her behalf from the right places.

Educating yourself about laws and procedures as well as agencies that help people in abusive relationships cannot be overstated. Sometimes, calling the police may not always work as such cases may be treated as a family affair which can be settled amicably until the issue escalates enough to demand their attention. Agencies such as Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT), Women’s Rights Advancement and Protection Alternative(WRAPA), Society to Heighten Awareness of Women and Children Abuse (SOTHAWACA), Project Alert on Violence Against Women, just to mention a few, have helplines that are available all around the clock. Some platforms like Amnesty International Nigeria (@ainigeria), Women at Risk International Foundation (@warif.ng), also have seasoned professionals willing to help, while Women of Rubies (@womenofrubies), a platform that tells the tales of an everyday woman, can help refer to counsellors and therapists.

Another way to help is by encouraging your friend to discreetly take pictorial, audio, or video evidence of times the abuse occurs. For instance, your friend could take an audio recording of her partner threatening or hurling verbal abuses. Pictures of injuries sustained after a physical abuse or even a video of your partner in rage will be very useful in making a solid case. This of course has to been done discreetly, because if discovered, this could lead to more abuse. A journal with dates, time, and issues leading to the abuse should also be kept. This will serve as documented evidence, should she eventually decide to take the legal route.

It is not sufficient that your friend keeps these pieces of evidence as anything can happen. The abusive partner can find them and destroy them, having your documentation as a backup will make a strong case, Times you felt your friend sounded off and she dismissed it as “coming down with something”, other times you notice a bruise or swelling and she just says she tripped fell or mistakenly ran into the wall. Recordings of times she trusted you with what was going on. Each insult, each punch, each blow, note them down and keep it in a safe place. Better still, send to the Cloud, that way, even if you lose your phone, you still have your evidence. This may seem invasive, but as long as you’re doing this with the right intentions, you are on the right track. It is also encouraged that these evidences are backed up to an online storage service like Google drive or Microsoft one drive.

Many women in abusive relationships, especially those with kids, find it difficult to leave due to the inability to provide for their kids and themselves. This is a great advantage to their abusers as they will dwell on this fact. Also bear in mind that most abusers would isolate their victims, stop them from associating with family and friends so that they have no one to share their ordeal with or even seek financial assistance to escape the abuse. Financial preparedness is a huge factor in leaving an abusive relationship. As a good friend, having a piggy bank designated for supporting your friend’s escape will be a step closer to helping her gain her freedom. Independently saving a thousand a month till your friend takes the bold decision of leaving the relationship. Just like every other escape, a bag containing a new phone, sim card, some clothing items, important documents, some cash, and some other things will be a valuable gift when the time comes.

Remember, just like opening up about an abusive partner is not an easy task, so is the decision of leaving an abusive partner. This is because they had earlier shared some good times and a lot of emotional manipulation may have been put to play. It takes a lot of strength to leave a toxic partner because, at some point, you begin to doubt yourself. They may wonder if things would change if you exercise a little patience, or perhaps give them some more time to change. The victim’s trust in you to open up is enough, unless it seems really dangerous, don’t push them too hard. The essence of   evidence is not to make the decision for them yourself, but to support them legally when they are ready, to help them get justice.

Lastly, don’t forget to fervently pray for them. That they are strengthened enough to walk away. That they see their value through God’s eyes and act on it. Then pray for their healing. May their healing be swift.

Written By: Olabisi Animashuan

 

Works cited:

Jones, Feminista. “How to Support a Friend in an Abusive Relationship” Medium. Zora. 28th May, 2020. https://zora.medium.com/how-to-support-a-friend-in-an-abusive-relationship-5d58b5bcb392

BBC: “Coronavirus domestic violence: Surviving lockdown wen you dey trapped with your abusive partner”.  BBC. 10th July, 2020. https://www.bbc.com/pidgin/tori-52675405

 

 

 

 

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Toyin Abraham Celebrates 3 Years Of Reinventing Self

Nollywood actress and movie producer, Toyin Abraham has celebrated three years of re-inventing herself.

The 37-year-old took to her Instagram page to remind fans of when the journey began, adding that it has been one massive journey of change and faithfulness of God.

She wrote: “There was a Toyin Aimakhu then Toyin Abraham happened three years ago. Let’s not forget the ”new” Toyin is just three years ago. It has been one massive journey of change and faithfulness of God. What a journey!

“Living my life at my pace and being at peace with my pace.”

The ‘new’ Toyin emerged when she changed her name three years ago. Her last name used to be Aimakhu.

According to her, initially, it was a family decision to change the name but she resisted because of her brand.

However, with several controversial events associated with her then, she finally made the decision to go with the family change.

Toyin termed it a different and better brand.

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How Widline Pyrame Created Dolls With Afro Hair To Encourage Little Black Girls To Love How They Look

30-year old Widline Pyrame has created a line of dolls with Afro hair to empower little black girls to love how they look.

Growing up, Widline hated her tightly curled hair and wanted to have straight hairs like the one she sees in magazines and on dolls. So, she decided to straighten her hair by using her mother’s hair relaxing products but her hair fell off.

She was nine when the incident happened but it was etched in her memory.

“I struggled with my self-esteem and confidence as a child.I thought I wasn’t beautiful enough because of my dark skin and hair texture, which led me to want straight hair so badly”, she told Dailymail

However, everything changed when her uncle bought her and her sister a black doll to share. They were so shocked because they never knew a black doll existed.

While training to become a social worker, she became more exposed to the concept of self-love and decided to help young black girls to avoid the negative self-image she had as a child. So, she created her own range of black dolls with an Afro.

“When children are playing, they want to see something that represents themselves. I believe little girls seeing dolls that look just like them would help with the pressure of skin bleaching and the pressure to change their hair texture”, she said.

She takes inspiration from African and Haitian cultural designs, with each of the dolls wearing traditional dresses. Widline wants her customers and their children to feel represented, visible, comfortable and unique.

Source: Woman.ng

 

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Why Amazon Delivery Is Catering To The Needs Of Widows – Mercy Makinde

In the last few years, the Amazing Amazon Initiative has empowered over 20, 000 Nigerian women and school children through collaborations with corporate and government entities.

The Lagos-based women-centric organisation has been providing financial literacy, empowerment and child protection expertise to women in different states in Nigeria.

It recently launched a logistic and delivery arm, Amazon Delivery, with proceeds from the business aimed at providing help for women and children in need.

“Proceeds from our Amazon Delivery help our NGO to look after and empower victims of abuse and violence,” the founder of the Amazing Amazon Initiative and chief executive officer of the Amazon Delivery Mercy Makinde said.

“We cannot always rely on donors to give us all the money that we need every time. Of course, we need donations, but starting Amazon Delivery also offers a practical way of helping our women see how they can start their businesses. There are a lot of women out there who need our help.”

Amazon Delivery initially started with delivery in Lagos and its environs. It, however, scaled its operations to include nationwide and international deliveries.

“We realised that there are a lot of people in Nigeria who want to send different items to their friends, families and associates outside Nigeria. We plugged ourselves into that space even though there are big players there,” Makinde said.

“But we offer our customers competitive rates and excellent services by leveraging on technology. We ship to UAE, Australia, China, the United Kingdom and the US.”

The business is not without its challenges. Makinde, a seasoned entrepreneur herself, said her team is motivated to see that whatever success the delivery service has enjoyed since it started operations in May is not eroded.

“We owe that to the women and children that Amazing Amazon Initiative provides help to directly or indirectly,” Makinde said.

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6 Relationship Questions You Should Ask Before Commitment

Many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before commitment and marriage, so they end up becoming strangers to each other and later find themselves at the centre of a hot-headed dispute with regrets and consequences. However, this can be avoided, if the following questions are asked:

What do we truly want in a relationship?

Not what someone else (family, friends or society) thinks it should be but what you both want in a relationship. You will be living together 24-hours per day and 7 days per week for the rest of your lives and blending your life with another is very crucial.  Is it only love, fun, affection, sexual satisfaction, shared responsibilities, open mindedness, support for each other’s goals?

What are you unwilling to accept and tolerate?

This is an important question with an endless list that includes: abuse, addiction, control, emotional manipulation, co-dependent tendencies, financial irresponsibility, self-centeredness, lying, infidelity, laziness, etc. The erroneous belief that love is enough to sustain and tolerate these isn’t always the case afterwards. Talking about this before commitment will help to prevent conflict eventually.

How will we handle money?

This is a major cause of conflict among couples. Will you both operate joint accounts? Attitudes on spending and saving? This is an issue that often leads to divorce if couples don’t handle their views on spending and savings in a collaborative way. Discuss many specifics about money before commitment in order to avoid a potential split and daily arguments.

How many children do we prefer to have?

It is unsafe to assume that your partner feels the same way as you do regarding having children without both of you discussing it. Questions regarding sex of the children, number of children, addressing fertility issues in case it arises, adoption, infertility treatments are important. Ensure you both have similar perspective on this crucial topic before commitment in order to prevent separation later in life.

How involved can our in-laws and extended family be in our lives?

It is crucial to draw clear boundaries of your parents’ or extended family’s interference into your lives. Ensure there is clarity on what you will both accept and what you will not accept. However, consider that here in Nigeria, when you marry someone, you also enter into a relationship with their family and loved ones too.

Would we share domestic duties?

Although, women still bear more domestic responsibility than men, but many women prefer house chores are to be shared between a couple.  Endeavour to ask this important question, if you are to have a fifty-fifty split when it comes to cleaning, cooking, washing the dirty clothes, bathing the children, etc. These lifestyle factors can determine how frequently you will argue. Sort these issues out before commitment!

Do you feel comfortable discussing sex, passion and our intimate life?

Are you both completely satisfied with your sex drive?  Is there anything either party wants but isn’t getting? Your sex life won’t always be easy and intensely passionate eventually. Often times, several couples do have a relationship or sexual issue at some point.  However, proper communication will help to prevent this problem from escalating and adequately help a couple to resolve it. Sexual in-satisfaction usually leads to masturbation, infidelity, and eventually divorce if not managed properly.

So, before commitment, you should ask each other these salient questions above and endeavour to have clear answers, convictions in order to have a happy and long lasting marriage.

 

Source: Guardian.ng

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3 Ways To Tell If A Guy Is Just Using You To Boost His Ego

How do you know if a guy is genuinely interested in you or just wants to boost his ego?

There are a few tell-tale indicators that let you know he might be more interested in what you can do for him than actually in getting to know you.

If you’re looking to find lasting love with “The One” you need to know how to tell if a guy likes you, which means also making sure you’re familiar with these crystal clear signals that you’re being used, so you can spot a self-absorbed man before he wastes your time.

Here are five signs that he isn’t looking for love, he’s only looking for an ego boost:

  1. He sends you “Good morning!” and “Goodnight!” texts — and that’s it.

This guy consistently sends the sweetest texts greeting you in the morning and wishing you sweet dreams at night. You think it’s so nice that he’s thinking of you and letting you know it. However, if there isn’t much else to his communication, that’s your clue that he’s just into boosting his ego.

Chances are strong he’s texting a bunch of women twice a day to keep you on the line while feeling really good about himself. Doing this makes him feel like a desirable and popular ladies man with all the women on his daily texting list.

Don’t be one of the many hanging around hoping for more from this fellow. If the texting doesn’t get any deeper after a few days, stop responding or block him. Otherwise, this man is just going to waste your time.

2. He sends you a ton of fun and witty messages! Then nothing. Then MORE! Then nothing.

You connect with a guy online who sends the most engaging texts. Then suddenly you hear nothing. Days later he messages again … then nothing. Communicating is loads of fun, but he remains inconsistent. You’re always happy to hear from him — and sometimes he talks about getting together. Too bad no actual dates materialize.

Don’t be fooled by the engaging “forever texter” who never takes that next step to ask you out on a date.

3. He keeps appearing in—and then disappearing from —  your life, making you feel unstable and uncertain.

When you are seeing a guy who is inconsistent and your relationship falls into an on and off pattern, that’s a surefire indication that you’re dating a man who likely wants his ego stroked.

He gets together with you because he feels great in your presence. He feels strong, powerful or masculine when he’s around you. Even if he is attentive and thoughtful, he’s still doing it to boost his own ego. It’s a shame he can’t handle the closeness or has some other emotional availability issue that causes him to pull away.

Let go of the on and off again guy. Be strong and free yourself up to look for a man who is ready for the loving relationship you want.

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Farida Yahya: Your Mental Health May Be Affecting Your Business

Running a successful business involves being at your best physically, mentally and emotionally. Businesses cannot run effectively if the owners are burnt out.

watched countless guides on how to become a successful startup founder. I have read quite a few myself and imagine my utter shock when the frustration from challenges started weighing heavy. From sleepless nights to anxiety, the way an entrepreneur reacts to failure can sometimes be the real enemy they need to conquer.  While it can be tempting to focus all of your time and attention on your business, it’s also important that you take care of yourself.

Depending on the type of business you run, some of the problems you may have include:

  • Constantly working for long hours to get your business off the ground or meet your business’ demands.
  • Partaking in business-related activities such as the creation of products, replying business emails and having business calls – all of which blurs the boundaries between your home and work.
  • Feeling lonely due to the absence of someone to share business ideas or problems with. Or the inability to have someone who understands the demands of being an entrepreneur.
  • Having multiple roles as well as managing the additional demands of running a business.
  • Dealing with responsibilities such as family financial issues.

Early Warning Signs

It’s important to be aware of some of the common signs and symptoms that let you know that you may be struggling with your mental health.

Some of the early warning signs include:

  • Lack of concentration;
  • Tiredness/Fatigue;
  • Unnecessary emotional response/ crying;
  • Easily angry or frustrated;
  • Inability or difficulty with making decisions;
  • Avoiding social situations; and
  • Drinking alcohol as a coping mechanism.

While being an entrepreneur seems exciting – you’re pursuing a passion, being your own boss, making money and working on your schedule; however, the responsibilities that come with the role isn’t easy.

The following are tips to help you enjoy good mental health without compromising your health.

Acknowledge your mental health above everything else

Running a business is a full-time job. Running a successful business involves being at your best physically, mentally and emotionally. Businesses cannot run effectively if the owners are burnt out.

One rule of the thumb is to dedicate an amount of time for you. It could be as simple as reading a book, drawing, making crafts or listening to music. Learn to relax and involve in activities that would make you happier and relieve your stress.

Learn how to ask for help

Many times, people compare asking for help as a show of weakness.  For example, letting someone know that you’re unable to manage your workload isn’t a show of weakness.

And as a business owner myself, I know that the last thing you want is for your employees to know that you’re struggling emotionally or feeling overwhelmed. However, the longer you try to cover it up and overcompensate, the worse it will end up. As doubtful as it sounds, asking for help is a show of strength. Acknowledging your limits and taking the right steps to overcome them is an attribute of a strong leader,

Avoid unhealthy comparison

Social media would have us believe everyone is living their best lives; travelling, buying property, running successful businesses. The line between reality and perception is becoming increasingly blurred, and when you’re having a bad day, this can make you feel incredibly bad about yourself

Comparison on social media is unavoidable, and psychological research has shown that this kind of comparison leads to a list of mental health concerns. Thinking that you’re the only person struggling with your workload or not having reached this [often imaginary] level of success can lead to self-doubt, anxiety, and even depression.

Because social media also allows us to network, connect with our peers and customers, and take our businesses to a global level, it’s impossible to disconnect from it altogether. Managing the amount of time you spend on it and the type of things you do while online is crucial to your mental well-being.

Create a balanced, healthy lifestyle

This one may seem obvious, but sleep deprivation, poor diet, and lack of exercise are just as bad for your mental health as physical. Though it may be difficult in the fast-paced startup life, committing to these important daily activities can be the deciding factor in whether your business fails or succeeds.

Force yourself to go to sleep by a certain time every night so that you’re getting the right amount of sleep and also getting your body into a healthy habit.

Make sure to set aside even 30 minutes of time a day to get in some quick cardio or a short one-hour class at the gym. And don’t neglect your diet! It doesn’t take much effort to take care of yourself, and the benefits are quite literally life-saving.

About Farida

Farida Yahya is the Founder of Lumo Naturals, an Abuja-based natural haircare solutions brand that provides a combination of natural products, techniques, artistic styles and education about African hair and the importance of healthy and natural hair to natural hair owners. She is also the founder of The Brief Academy, a learning hub dedicated to developing and supporting female-owned startups to achieving wealth and scalability. Farida is also the author of Redefining Beautiful, a book that discusses the realities of starting a natural hair business. You can connect with Farida Yahya on Instagram via her personal page @thefaridayahya and her business pages @lumonaturals and @thebriefacademy.

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