self development - Women of Rubies

In self development May 20, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

“Don’t Pretend You Made It on Your Own, Speak the Truth If You Were Helped“- Aderonke Enoabasi

Fashion entrepreneur, Aderonke Enoabasi had a question and answer session on her Instagram page and while answering her followers questions, she urged business owners to share the truth about how they started their business and not mislead the younger ones.

She wrote,

“At age 19, I started selling Okrika bra, I failed. At 20, a lot of people took advantage of my naïveness and the hunger to just wanna work. At 21, I started selling bags and accessories. I made so much gain.

At 22, Mummy gave me money to learn make-up at House of Tara. I did makeup business till 26. At 26, I started fashion business till now, I’m 27 going on 28. Business is fine, I’m learning. I own RHONKEFELLA, I’m still learning but I feel fulfilled.

I always preach something, no one owes you anything. After secondary school, I didn’t get admission into the university on time so I’ve always had the urge to work. At age 19, after my Okrika bra business failed, I thought the business wasn’t for me so I dumped the idea and I started to look for office work.

So many people took advantage of me. Some along the line would tell me, shebi you know you’re beautiful. You know the rest of the story! Did I fall for those story line? Once or twice I did and once they had me, they dumped me.

I have met people who will never help or invest in you. I have also met people who will rather give you fish than teach you how to fish. So, if you find someone who helps you or finances your idea, please don’t lie or take the glory.

If you are handed money and you don’t work hard or smart with that money no matter how little or big, it will not amount to anything.

We all need HELP. As much as we strive to be independent, it’s okay to ask for help. If you can do it yourself go ahead but if you get help, be proud to say you did! It takes nothing from your success story, enough with God help me tales.

God won’t come down, he will send people to help you. Let us be more truthful to the younger ones. It’s okay if you don’t feel the need to speak about your journey but if you must, please speak your truth, don’t “LIE”.

May God bless everyone who has invested in my IDEAS! They made RHONKEFELLA a reality. God bless the “BOYFRIEND “ but most importantly, God bless IYA RONKE! My mum has come through a zillion times…”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BlvVvu0nRn1/?taken-by=therealrhonkefella

Source: Woman.ng

In self development May 20, 2020 By Editor

Enitan Facos : Is He In Love With You? Here Are 6 Ways You Can Tell

One of the greatest feelings a woman can ever have is a man’s true love. Though your boyfriend may take time telling you he is in love with you, chances are he already has through his actions. That’s what happened to me. I knew my husband was in love with me by the way he paid close attention to all my needs. He genuinely cared to hear about my good days and my bad days. Moreover, I didn’t have to ask him to do something for me. He just knew. He loved spending time with my family and me. And he said “I love you” first.

For the most part, women are quicker at expressing their emotions to their partners; meanwhile, men take a longer time. You may assume that your boyfriend is not in love with you because he has not verbally expressed his feelings or revealed the three words all women love to hear. But take a close look at his gestures, his mannerisms and how he looks at you. The love he has for you is in the tiniest details.

Here are six ways you can tell the man you love is in love with you, too.

Shows interest

When your boyfriend starts to ask you in-depth questions about your likes, dislikes and future goals, he is in to you. He wants to learn everything about you. He sincerely cares.

Delicate touches

He grabs your hand gently during a walk in the park or at a family gathering. He caresses your hair softly. He hugs you for no reason at all. He affectionately touches your face as he stares at you. Sometimes just sitting at home watching a movie and cuddling on the couch speaks volumes.

Spending time together

When you find your boyfriend spending less time with his friends and more time with you, he is in love. He is not giving up on his friends; he simply chooses to spend as much time with you as possible. His priorities begin to shift.

Does anything for you

He doesn’t care what it takes, but he will make anything possible for you. He may not necessarily be interested in the things you are interested in, but he makes the effort to take part. He doesn’t mock what brings you joy. Perhaps you love a particular musician, and he doesn’t. But he surprises you with two concert tickets – one for you and one for him.

Meeting his family and friends

As old-fashioned as this may sound, when a boyfriend introduces the woman in his life to his family and friends, he is serious. He has hopes to take the relationship to another level. His feelings are deeper than you know.

Talks about marriage and children

If your boyfriend inquires about your feelings on marriage and children and expresses his thoughts on the matter, chances are he’s been thinking about a future with you. And if you both share the same feelings about marriage and creating a beautiful family together, love exists.

Says those three special words first

He tells you “I love you” before you do. It doesn’t matter when or where he says it. All that matters is that he wants to say it first.

Again, it’s easier for a woman to share her innermost thoughts compare to most men. Many men have a hard time verbalizing their feelings even though they do love you. However, through their positive actions and attentive ways, you will know he is in love. Give him time and you’ll hear “I love you.”

In self development May 20, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Esther Ijewere: 10 Ways To Revive Your Positive Energy

Positive thinking is a mental and emotional state of mind that focuses on the good and expects positive outcomes. Staying positive can be tough. Positivity can start to wain when you are bombarded with a succession of negativity, failures, disappointment and heartbreak.
Every challenge you face withdraws from your energy, resilience and a little bit of your faith. Once your positive energy is depleted, pessimism slowly begins to creep in and take hold.

If you want to stay positive when facing challenges and negative situations, here are 10 things you can do to help revive your positive energy:

1. Perform random acts of kindness

Finding ways to put a smile on the face of others affects you just as much as it affects them. It takes the focus off of you and your problems and allows you to be a positive force in the lives of others. Doing good for others makes you feel good. It lifts your mood, improves self esteem and self-worth and it serves as a small distraction from your current challenges.

2. Take a mental break
Exhaustion is the silent killer of positivity.Learn to take breaks when things get overwhelming. Do something that gives your mind a break from whatever challenge you are facing–and that could just mean taking a nap.

2. Develop an attitude of gratitude
Noticing and appreciating the positives in our lives is a great way to lift your spirits and provide yourself a mental boost. Start to practice gratitude by being thankful for the simple things in life.

4. Laugh
Laughter truly is the best medicine for most of what ails us. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. Find a way to laugh–often. Watch a comedy, spend the evening with your crazy friend who knows how to keep you in stitches.

4. Hang around with positive people
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” The bottom line here is our behavior and thought patterns mirror those we hang around. Choose carefully who you allow into your circle.

5. Look for the silver lining immediately
Trying to force optimistic thinking amidst emotional turmoil or a bit shocked usually don’t work that well.
Training yourself to look for the lesson and find the bright spot not only eases the burden a little, it also slowly begins to transform your entire thought process.

8. Breathe deeply
Breathing exercises help expel toxic air from your body and refills your body and more importantly–your brain with fresh air. It clears your mind and allows you to regain mental clarity. One moment of clarity at the right time can change everything.

9. Don’t dwell on negativity
Avoid dwelling on downers. Downers bring you down!
Focusing on negatives isn’t just unpleasant, it also makes you less effective in tackling other tasks you face. Negativity produces more negativity.
Bad things happen–try not to replay them over and over and fixate on un-pleasantries. Play positive scenes in your mind instead.

10. Engage in positive self-talk
Talk to yourself. Tell yourself things are going to turnaround and will work out in the end.
Say it out loud. Speaking what you believe out loud reinforces and strengthens the message. You say it and hear it simultaneously.

Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children.

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Twitter & IG : @Estherijewere

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Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

In self development May 18, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

#MondayMotivation: 4 Ways To Deal With Negative Vibes At Your Workplace

It’s important to point out that not all ‘bad’ feelings are bad. Sometimes, being angry, sad, unhappy, or stressed is a healthy and natural reaction; you should not go out of your way to suppress, ignore or bottle up your feelings. But if you experience these emotions on a frequent basis they can become chronic and even addictive. That is when healthy negativity turns into toxic negativity.

Here are four ways to deal with negativity at your workplace;

1. Stop Blaming and Start Learning

Next time something goes wrong, don’t point the finger of blame. You’ve probably heard the saying that whenever you point a finger at somebody, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Instead of blaming, first take a look at what you could have done differently to react to – or entirely avoid – the problem you’ve experienced. In most cases you will find there is always something you can do differently or better next time. Learn from your mistakes, adapt, and grow!

2. Stop Complaining and Take Ownership

Instead of complaining about a problem, do something about it. Does the guy in the next office constantly interrupt you? Are you not getting the recognition you deserve at work? Don’t complain to your friends or co-workers. If it bothers you enough to complain about it on a daily basis, then take action and make changes. Ask the guy to stop interrupting you or send you an email instead. Talk to your boss about a raise or a change of duties. Just do something. And if nothing works and you are still unhappy… maybe you have a much bigger decision to make.

Sometimes there is a fine line between complaining and simply communicating about a problem. A good general rule to go by is if you tell somebody about a problem more than once, you are complaining. Doing it daily will make it a chronic activity that is very poisonous to you and others around you.

3. Practice Random Acts of Kindness

One of the most effective negativity antidotes is to do kind things for others and feel the positive energy that comes with that. Next time you see a mom struggling with her baby trying to open a door, run over and open it for her. Help somebody carry something up the stairs. Pay for somebody’s parking meter or their lunch in the drive-thru. Leave a $20 bill in the bible in the hotel room. All of these simple little things can add up to you feeling really good about what you did. That positive energy can cut through the foulest of moods.

4. Build Positivity into your Organizational Culture

Make a positive, helpful and healthy attitude part of the mission, vision and values of your company. Hire people who light up the room when they walk in and bend over backwards to help others around them. Work with clients who love to do business and who are passionate about what they do. Work with vendors who care about their work as much as you care about yours. Make ethics a key ingredient of your cultural formula and enforce a strict moral code. Help others when in need and celebrate your victories loudly!

Negativity is weaker than you think

When you’re in a bad mood, it may seem that the dark cloud will never go away. But you’d be surprised how easily you can change your mind and mood if you put your heart into it. Try following a few of these tips (and share them with others!) over the next few weeks and see if the overall spirit and attitude of your workplace improves.

credit: www.nine10.ca

In self development May 18, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Enitan Facos: 5 Money Beliefs Keeping You Poor

Chances are you have faulty beliefs about money, which keep you from coming into it. Here are 5 faulty beliefs you might have and what to do about it.

The first thing to get straight is this: Money serves you. You are it’s master and it is your faithful servant. Never get this the other way around. Money serves two purposes: It allows us to live comfortably. It is also a vehicle that lets us do good in this world. Let money serve you.

Money Isn’t Everything

Some people believe that money can’t buy happiness. They pretty much choose poverty over prosperity, thinking that happiness comes with scarcity. Yet, part of having an abundance mindset means the best of both worlds. After all, money is just an indicator of success. Poor and unsuccessful people have made it a habit to avoid doing things that improve their skills and this guarantees failure.

On the other hand, successful people have a habit of doing things that help them progressively realize their goals and dreams. While you may want to remain static, the truth is you either create or disintegrate.

2. You Lack Gratitude for the Money You Do Have

Just as we don’t know how to receive, when we do receive, we don’t know how to express gratitude. Start off simple and express gratitude, when you find a dime on your garage floor or a dollar bill in your laundry.

Gratitude is a re-framing of our minds, which opens us to receiving and expands our awareness to possibilities. Possibilities increase our chances of success.

3. You Don’t Know How to Receive

How many of us know how to ask for money or negotiate salaries? How many of us know our true worth in the value we can provide? I sure didn’t. I had helped my friend remove malware from her computer. It took me less than an hour, and she wanted to pay me for my time. Yet, because I didn’t know how to ask for money or the worth of the knowledge I possess, I stupidly refused the money. Luckily for me, my friend insisted. More importantly, she helped me realize that my knowledge and experience are not just for my employer. I can also help other people, and I should be bold enough to ask for money. After all, while it may have taken less than an hour to remove that malware, it’s taken me twenty years of constant study in front of the computer to build up that knowledge base and expertise.

4. You Have a Poor Self-Image

You can only grow as far as your self-image will allow. If you ever want to make six-figures at your next job, then you have to first believe you can. Your bad self image makes you believe that you are undeserving and a fraud. Mainly, it’s been poisoned by other people’s beliefs.

Once you believe you bring a unique value to this world that you alone can provide, you become aware that you deserve an abundance of happiness, health, and wealth. This accomplishment is something greater yet as it is an expansion of your awareness and true self-growth. Only when you are able to see yourself worthy and deserving of a six-figure salary, will your future employer see it too.

5. It Starts With You

One of the common threads running through the 7 false beliefs has to do with blame and your willingness to take responsibility for your current results. Unsuccessful people blame their circumstances or other people. On the contrary, successful people accept their circumstances and take the initiative to improve what they can. Even if the problems seem insurmountable, they start acting from where they can.

To bring more money and success into your life, first make a decision to throw out these faulty beliefs. Be willing to accept new beliefs that are conducive to your goals. When we start educating ourselves, we also start expanding our awareness to what’s possible.

In the end, the decision to come into an abundance of wealth and success has more to do with setting goals and growing, than it is about the money. As you embark on this journey, kindly remind yourself from time to time that goals aren’t about getting. They are about growing.

In Editor's Choice May 18, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Esther Ijewere: 6 Effortless Ways To Show Love To Yourself

Living life is a constant work in progress for each person, but that doesn’t mean that you should get so caught up that you neglect showing yourself love. Break down the walls preventing you from self-love, and enrich your life. Here are 6 ways I have learnt to show myself love, you should try it too.

1. Tell Yourself What You Love About Yourself

Many times, we get caught up in everything around us that we forget to remind ourselves just how awesome we are. Our own disappointment, acceptance, patience, and love that we have for ourselves will always reflect what we show others.

2. Accept Imperfection

One of the most worthwhile things that we can do for ourselves is to give up on being perfect, and start the journey to become our true selves. The best part of that journey is to return to feeling peace within ourselves. This peace comes from training your mind to process life as it actually is, rather than what you think it should be.

3. Know That the Approval of Others Doesn’t Matter

Oftentimes people greatly value having the approval of others, even when it isn’t clear exactly what would gain their approval.You should instead focus on doing what is right for your own self, disregarding what others will think. You do not need anyone’s permission to be happy.

4. Bring Distance Between Yourself and Those Who Bring You Down

Worry less about the people in your life that are not worrying about you. You should surround yourself with those who inspire you, respect you, love you, and support you.

5. Make the Changes You Know Are Necessary

When you know that you want to see changes in your life, you will need to do things that you’ve never done before. Aim to stay away from the things that tear you down, and gravitate toward the things, activities and thoughts that fulfill you in the way that you want.

6. Let Go of Your Past Self

A part of life is that good people like you will sometimes make bad choices. Sure, past mistakes make up who you are today, but they do not define you. It is never too late to move on from them – dwelling will only lead to hurt.

“Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children.

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Twitter & IG : @Estherijewere

LinkedIn: Esther Ijewere

Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

In Inspiration June 15, 2021 By Editor

You are As Strong as the woman next to you

By Pamela Mbata

Ever felt like the woman next to you is better than you? You feel or think she is smarter, more beautiful, and that’s why maybe she is so successful. Well, you aren’t the first to think so.

In life, you will see so many women admire the next woman, and wish to be them – so many admire the life’s of celebrities, people who seem to be smashing business goals, those who seem to have their dream relationships and more.

Then, you are left to feel bad when these expectations seen about others aren’t working in some ways for you.

Well, again, you aren’t the first to think so. She was once at that place, and asked those same questions like, can I, am I good too, and many more.

Always know, YOU are as good as the next woman, and can achieve even more if you know this. Yvonne Orji’s Tee says it all. With the people you look up to, you will be surprise when you get a chance to speak with them are just like you. They get shy too, you can find them nervous and about the same feelings that flush through your mind as well.

It’s right to say some people have more opportunities set up more easily for them than others, yes, but it’s never right to accept that you aren’t good enough. The race is not to the swift. Someone can be tall and a modelling agency finds them out and next they become a top model, and yes she could be lighter, probably a more smooth talker, with pretty eyes and all. But its never okay to think she is better than you. Find your own strength. There is a role for someone who isn’t tall to play, which can eventually turn out more greater than the tall role.

That’s why it is so important to remember you have a different race. You are your greatest competition not her, our personal race are right before us. It’s never okay to think anyone is better than you. Find your niche, focus and develop them. Develop them, you need that.

Imagine someone you have greatly admired and stuff it in your mind that you can be as good and even better. Ready for this? Good wishes.

Photo Credit: @Yvonneorji (Instagram), Getty images

In self development May 4, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Book Review: Identity by Oluwatosin Arodudu | Review by Esther Ijewere

Life Coach and foremost Publisher; Oluwatosin Arodudu’s new book is fast becoming an Amazon best seller, because of the depth of the content as it reflects every area of humanity.

As humans, our identity is our passport to navigating through life, aligning with our purpose and having total control of our emotions.The book is an eye opener for me, the powerful highlight on the cover says; “Self Discovery, “Purpose” and Leadership”. Three elements of success everyone should possess.

As a human being, self discovery is the compass to living life truthfully. That much I learnt from this very informative book.

As a leader, having total control of your emotions is very important , especially your reaction to criticism, which could stem from a place of sincerity or jealousy. Your power of response is key and you need to be able to practice humility even if you don’t like it, like Tosin said in the book.

Your Identity is like a Chakra bracelet worn for clarity. Without an identity, you could end up becoming a floater in the world, beaming your light under people’s shadow, Tosin highlights this clearly in most of the chapters.

At a point, I had to put down the book, to do a quick personality dimension test on myself, I used my life as a mirror and Tosin’s strong message of confronting your personality and being truthful to “Self” as my compass, the result scared the wits out of me. I thought I had ticked every channel of my being from my one year Inter-personal communication certification programme, but here was I confronted by the truth of my imperfection, my human loopholes, my vulnerability and fear of failing and falling (F.OF)

The book which tells the story of Oluwatosin’s travails with mind entrapment, and takes you through her journey to Self Discovery, Purpose and Leadership, teaches valid lessons on coming out of a perpetual state of mental helplessness, and living a purposeful life.

It is a book for aspiring leaders and leaders going through turmoil as a result of their strong personality. It coaches leaders with strong personality on how to master, manage and weaponize their emotions to their own advantage, both as individuals and leaders in their sphere of influence.

I am glad to have bought copies,and even donated to couple of folks within my Network. I told my Mentee, don’t read to give me feedback, read to own your identity, I am sharing same message with you right now. Take charge with a leap of faith, and Grab a copy.

This is a book that will stand the test of time, because the world will always have leaders, and leaders will always be in positions of power, that reflects on our daily life.

Get your copy HERE on Amazon. If you live in Nigeria, copies of the book can be purchased HERE.

Send your feedback to admin@womenofrubies.com , I will love to know how the book impacted you.

About Esther

Esther is Gender Balanced Advocate, Writer, Columnist with Guardian Newspaper , convener of several development project, and founder of Women of Rubies

In self development May 2, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Temi Olajide’s “Wifi Kids And Analog Parents” book Is a Must Have This Season

The global pandemic has changed almost everything in the world, from working, parenting, friendships and even relationships. Parents who had little time with their kids, are now full-time, round the clock parents.

Screen-time and playtime have increased and many parents are finding it hard to strike a balance between home-schooling and working-from-home life . Temi Olajide’s timely fast selling book; “Wifi kids and analog parent” is the solution to that dilemma.

A must have parent-kid book that addresses the changes in the dynamics of parenting in this age, and how to handle those changes. It provides the much-needed guide for raising children in the digital age. It is so all-encompassing and it highlights the pros and cons of the digital age, sex education for kids, understanding and communicating with children in the digital age, constructing boundaries, among other salient issues bordering on parenting in the digital age. We need to understand what our digital children really require us to allow them to thrive and navigate successfully in this age

According to Temi; “Wifi Kids and Analog parents” helps you adapt quickly to the new trend of the world , and give you clarity on how to balance your work time with your parenting duty, It is a book for all season but most importantly this new phase of uncertainty the world is experiencing.

Click here to order your copy, or buy for friends who need it https://paystack.com/pay/wifikidsanalogueparents

You can also order via her Instagram page Here

About Temi

She is a Certified Child Sleep / Potty Training Consultant and Child Psychologist. Temi is Nigeria’s first certified child sleep consultant, Founder and Lead Strategist at Mummyclinic Global Services, founded in December 2017. Her organisation hosts an online platform that provides strategies and result-driven solutions to the challenges of child-rearing.

In self development April 25, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Covid-19: Toyin Abraham, Tonto Dikeh, Foluke Daramola,Others Help Those in Need

Celebrities are vehicles of social change, and their impact is felt through their work and the value they add to the society. While Nigerians are getting agitated about the lock-down , some celebs are using their platforms to spread hope and love, to show that truly we are all in this together.

Here are some of the celebs who have been spreading Love and Light through their platforms since the beginning of the Lockdown

Toyin Abraham

Nigerian actress Toyin Abraham is doing her part to ensure that people have what to eat following the lockdown announcement .Toyin has donated foodstuff and other basic necessities to people across the country – The mother of one sent bags of rice, garri, hand sanitisers to her fans and those in need.

Tonto Dikeh

Nollywood actress, Tonto Dikeh has shared a great burden of God to humanity and she is really seeing it through. The actress is one of the independent donors to the economically vulnerable Nigerians as Coronavirus halts all activities in the country and keeps everyone at home!

She has continued her charitable act through her son’s foundation, King Andre Dikeh Foundation and this time, 2000 women and children were beneficiaries of the cooked and raw food shared as Covid relief.

Foluke Daramola

The beautiful Nollywood actress have been very supportive and shown compassion for Veterans who are in dire need amid the lockdown. From Cash to food donation, she alongside her team have been going round to support these veterans who are almost forgotten. Her Organisation has in no little way brought these men and women of the screen to our consciousness.

Kaffy

Celebrity dancer Kafayat Shafau is reaching out to the needy during this difficult times, through her “Add a Cup” initiative. The Guinness world record breaker dancer has given out food and hand sanitisers to several Nigerians across the Country

Toyin Lawani

The serial Entrepreneur and Fashion Designer have been very supportive during the lockdown. Toyin through her company fed 2000 people recently and also gave some cash to those in need, and continue to use her platform to advocate to help those in need get help

Damilola Adegbite

Tinsel Star and actress Damilola is another celebrity who has shown support towards those in need during the lockdown, especially Single Moms in Need. Prior to the pandemic, Damilola has been an ardent supporter of single moms, It is no surprise that she gave out cash and money to them during this Pandemic.

Tiwa Savage

Tiwa Savage, who in a recent live chat disclosed the humbling effect the virus has on her, also pledged her support for single moms in need. The Music star gave hope to some of her fans on the live chat and promised to suport more via her partnership with Oba Farms.