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Women of Rubies

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Hello WORriors, it’s #WCW and our Woman Crush is Linda Ejiofor!

Linda Ejiofor (born Linda Ihuoma Ejiofor) is a Nigerian actress and model known for her role as Bimpe Adekoya in M-Net’s TV series Tinsel. She was nominated in the category Best Actress in a Supporting role for her first feature film, The Meeting (2012), at the 9th Africa Movie Academy Awards. Tony Ogaga Erhariefe of The Sun Nigeria listed her as one of the 10 fastest rising Nollywood stars of 2013.

She was born in Lagos State, Nigeria; and she is the second of five children. She is a descent of Isuikwuato in Abia State, Nigeria. She attended Ilabor Primary School, Surulere. She then furthered her studies at Federal Government Girls’ College, Onitsha, and studied sociology at the University of Enugu.

She initially wanted to work for an advertising agency. In an interview posted on The Nation, she said that she’s fond of acting, and changed her mind about pursuing a career in advertising. She hopes to direct films in the future.

Linda Ejiofor has won many awards and recognition. She and Adesua Etomi has once been named as Nollywood’s Best Friends because of their close relationship.

Women Of Rubies celebrates you, Linda Ejiofor!

 

Whilst both men and women go through depression, it becomes a lot more amplified in women because of a number of reasons/causes. Below are some of them;

Changes in hormones. Onset of puberty may bring about these changes which in turn may be accompanied by other growing-up issues like identity crisis, parental conflicts, added responsibility to shoulder at tender ages while the male counterparts seem to yet enjoy blissful ignorance etcetera.

Menstruation also comes with its snag; anxiety and irritability for the larger percentage of women.

A study even shows that 3-8 percent of women suffer a particular kind of disorder-severe depression 1-2 weeks before their cycles (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. PMDD).

While some women may not have been diagnosed yet and some others do not know a disorder as this exists, it doesn’t assuage its presence or intensity.

Off the top of my head, I can count quite a number of women who would have to take some medication or even stay few days in the hospital during their cycles. This deals in no small ways with their mental health.

On a more personal note, I have lost count of how many times I have been in the middle of a conversation and I have had to drift into my own world mentally checking if my clothes are soiled or I could still take on one more hour of chatter.

Social Causes and the need or the pressure to live up to societal expectation is another huge cause of depression for women. The emotional built of women make them more likely to rehash negative events, worry over finances, worry over relationship issues, have a teetering work-life balance, loss of a loved one etcetera.

Where the male counterpart would be able to snooze or fall into a deep sleep in a matter of minutes, sometimes seconds, women  will naturally take longer. For some, until the t’s are crossed and the i’s dotted, their minds will be in a state of unrest.

Pregnancy and the super dramatic way it’s hormones changes a woman’s erstwhile planned and packaged life is another huge reason.

So much happens in pregnancy or during the attempts at getting pregnant that I may not be able to adequately articulate in this write up. Take for instance the early pregnancy miscarriage scare or even the outright miscarriage.

Post partum depression is another cause. For some, no amount of preparation for the imminent change is enough. Some would experience crying spells and others would be angry or generally irritable. Aside the hormonal fluctuation side to Post partum blues, it can be as a result of birth complications, breast feeding problems etcetera.

It’s been said that depression is twice as likely to affect women than men.

The call is to look out for ourselves and our loved ones.

A bubbly spirit does not mean a happy spirit. It may actually be a cry for help.

Symptoms to watch out for include;

Loss of interest. This could be in new activities or even those that were formerly pleasurable.

Persistent feelings of exhaustion and tiredness. Goes hand in hand with loss of interest.

Forgetfulness. When that friend or you begin to ask the for the same details repeatedly, it is time to look inwards as their may be a greater problem.

Unhealthy sleep life. Sleeping too much or insomnia- the inability to sleep.

Unhealthy appetite. Too much or too little.

Irritability, worrying, absentmindedness.

And the final one, suicidal thoughts or attempts.

Whatever the stage or symptoms or the cause is, woman, know that you are not alone!

Taking your life may seem like a very good deal to you but take a minute to think over yourself, see the people whose lives may be ruined by your actions. Your action may just go on to cause a ripple effect. You succeed at the suicidal attempt, your loved ones fall into depression because of you, they then take the same route, and their loved ones and their loved ones and on it goes.

You see it doesn’t solve anything.

Speak up.

Accept an embrace.

Do not go into any shell.

Believe you are not alone

And together we will beat this!!

In my deliberate attempts to diffuse or maybe polarize my age long belief of the patriachical world set up and with so much evidences suggesting the world is in fact a patriarchy society and in some veins also not, the struggle to reach exactitude is becoming so real.

Is the world indeed ruled by ‘fathers’? Is this an issue facing predominantly the third world countries? Is this just an empty uproar of women particularly in the wake of ‘enthroning’ the king of the United States (Reference- winner of the 2016 presidential elections)? Perhaps, it is an excuse to laziness and a cowardly escape from responsibilities.

Whatever side of the divide we stick with, an unintended service to ourselves will be to think that women are without the brawn to take on these positions that are assumed ‘too much clout’ for the female gender.

The queen, oh the queen. The queen of England is indeed one of such. We really do not have to backdate or search in the archives to get worthy examples. Okonjo Iweala and Beyonce are classical examples of ‘King Women’ albeit in different fields and sphere of influence.

The questions therefore are

– what are the limitations?

– why is the ration of men to women in influential positions still so ridiculous?

– is the world indeed patriachical or it is zone informed?

Again, I think about positioning….

Still my thoughts.

thought this message necessary after hearing a young lady’s account of how her supposed boyfriend’s sick fantasy made a mince meat of her self-esteem. Unfortunately, that is what seems to obtain with a lot of ladies out there. Ladies who are consistently allowing someone’s ‘sick fantasy’ destroy any semblance of self-esteem left in them.

When it is not his obsession with an oversize backside, it’s the mountainous ‘front side’. The unfortunate ‘ish’ is…ladies who should know better are letting themselves feel unworthy, even with their ‘modest endowments’.

Isn’t it for the sole purpose of fulfilling some of these sick fantasises of the menfolk that the beauty industries are flooding the markets with ‘add-ons’ like Silicone brassieres, bum and hip wears- meant to add size to a woman’s backside and hips.

Anyway…back to the gist. They had just started going out and prior to their first ‘real meeting’ (you know what I mean?), he had always told her that he fancies women with extra backside. She felt lucky because her friends have always told her that her protruding backside is enviable. Come the day they made love, she asked if he liked what he saw (especially her back side). Guess what his response was? It was with a bored expression (she said she will never forget that expression he had on his face-so fast) on his face, that he shrugged and said, “it’s okay. It just doesn’t shake.’’

This statement made her self-esteem come crashing so hard, such that whenever she sees fellow women with similar endowment, she begins to wonder if hers measures up-in the ‘shaking department’-even when her friends commend her natural endowment –she still says to herself ‘’but it does not shake.’’

How did she come out of this? The very thing her first guy didn’t appreciate in her was one of the things that sent some other person over the moon –in her physical attributes. It was then that she finally said to herself, ‘’wait a minute, I am actually beautiful the way I am and anyone who thinks I must be in a certain way to be appreciated/accepted-obviously does not deserve me.’’

This singular realisation was the beginning of the end of that affair with the first guy. She said that the funny thing about this character is that she liked him enough not to dwell on his ‘barely larger than a giant groundnut’ sized balls. Now that the door of her feelings has been firmly shut in his face, she wonders why he has not hurried after those with ‘shaky behinds’.

Another lady even told me about how a particular character she was latching up to for ‘true love’ made it categorically clear (as a FORE WARNING, actually) that -if any lady that has interest in him is not endowed with a pair of CHEST PLUMS that are as FIRM as ripened oranges-such a lady should not just bother coming close.

I could not believe that a lot of women still allow themselves to listen to these trash-all in the name of FINDING ACCEPTANCE/LOVE.

For real? 
As a rule of thumb…no relationship will ever hold water with me if it’s all about fleshly desires. There must be substance. I can’t imagine finding myself in a relationship that’s defined by the pleasures that another derives from my body and related services (winks).

I won’t ever be able to get over that feeling of being JUST ANOTHER PLAY THING. I hope every woman out there begins to add VALUE to herself, if any man who claims to want a serious affair with you can’t seem to look beyond your body-please have a re-think about such a relationship. You deserve to be appreciated for the beautiful and wholesome soul that you are and not just a plaything.

Yes, after the steaming bedroom sessions…what other substantial claims can you make about that relationship you find yourself in? Does it add value to your life in any way or are you just a ‘relaxant’?

Some of us will rather be in a worthless relationship than risk being alone. Hello! If the wrong person in your life isn’t shown the exit, there may not be a ‘way in’ for the right person.

As you evaluate that relationship you are currently embroiled in, I leave you with the words of Dawn Raffel …”Letting men determine who we are is the negative hinge that turns desire into vulnerability, changes our bodies from sites of pleasure to sites of betrayal, and transforms solitude into loneliness. I think that when people say they’re lonely, what they’re really saying is that they don’t like their own company. And something should be done about that, because if you don’t like your own company, then you’re the victim of whoever passes by.’’

Source: Guardian.ng

Some years ago, a gospel rapper came to perform at my church. He wasn’t a big name but I’d come across his songs somehow and I LOVED THEM.

I’m a HUGE FAN OF RAP MUSIC, so when I love a song, I memorize the lyrics. When he performed that Sunday, I didn’t rap along though, because packaging. I just nodded to the beat and smiled while he did his thing.

After church, I didn’t talk to him or anything. I went home.

Weeks later, this rapper posted a contest on his Facebook Profile. He dropped a line from one of his best singles and promised a recharge card to any fan who knew the next line.

Excitedly, I dropped the lyrics to THE ENTIRE SONG from memory.

What should have been a WOW moment soon degenerated as he began insinuating that I must’ve googled the lyrics in order to cheat at the contest.

At first I was furious and yelled (in my heart), “Dude, you’re not even big enough for any website to have your lyrics. Don’t hype yourself”

And then the still small voice that I’ve come to recognize over the years said, “Think. Why do you think he’s so adamant? What if he doesn’t think he’s good enough for his ENTIRE SONG to be memorized by a fan?”

In that instant, entitlement was replaced by understanding. And then, empathy.

Thankfully, my angry retort hadn’t yet made it from my brain to my keypad, so I sent him a DM calmly explaining how much I genuinely admired his music.

He sent me the 200 Naira recharge card, but I wasn’t the only winner that day.

Many people think that money and fame will solve their problems. But I can tell you for a fact that there are wounds and insecurities that cannot be covered by mere currency.

The billionaire you envy, secretly feels insecure about his big belly.

The runway model whose body you want, hates the way her eyes are positioned.

The public speaker you adore is pissed at his receding hairline.

That successful businesswoman and philantropist is afraid to find love because she might be taken advantage of financially.
Insecurities will always be around us, but they don’t have to be yours.
Be kind to yourself. Be your own biggest fan.

You can learn this for free. Watch Donald Trump.
Love yourself first, for you cannot pour out of an empty cup and you can only truly give (love) of your overflow.

CHOOSE YOURSELF.
– J.O.

Given how amazing millennials are as a generation, it should come as no surprise that the next generation are following suit. 

People are really about the ‘for us by us’ movement, and when you want something that is not made available to you, the solution these days is to just make it yourself. This is why 16-year-old, Mo Odegbami, with a team of friends – Aima Aig-Imokhuede, Molly Johnson, Tolu Faromika and Yasmin Birch – got started on Childishzine, a magazine that caters to their demographic. Childishzine is a platform created to showcase the work of different creatives from poets to photographers. On their website, they spoke about why they created the magazine:

“We created this in order to showcase the photography, poetry and the general art of young people who may not be well-known in the arts community.

We work to discover the most unique and talented people to feature in the Zine creating a fresh atmosphere to enhance the experience for our readers around the globe.”

This group of teenage girls believe very strongly in the beauty and relevance of art. Through Childishzine, they would like to help other young creatives like them get their work out there. The first issue is available foe download and purchase. 

Follow @childishzine on On Instagram for more info. 

Source : Konbini.com



 

 

Rihanna wows on the cover of Vogue Arabia as she channels Queen Nefertiti on the cover of the mag.

The 29-year-old singer had on Nefertiti’s iconic blue headpiece for the shoot. She also modeled a striking reptile print jacket and in another shot, she had on a semi-sheer embellished dress, which she paired with a sophisticated blue coat.

The incredible shoot channeling one of Egypt’s most-celebrated figures was done by Greg Kadel.

It is believed that the shoot was inspired by Rihanna’s tattoo of Nefertiti, who ruled Egypt alongside her husband Pharaoh Akhenaten, almost 3,500 years ago.

Rihanna channels Egyptian Queen Nefertiti for Vogue Arabia

Despite her reign dating back thousands of years, Neferneferuaten Nefertiti remains one of the Middle East’s most beloved icons. She was known for her unmatched beauty, and had a very active role in the country’s political sphere. It is believed she gave mankind an early lesson in women empowerment.

Speaking about the exciting shoot, Vogue Arabia editor Manuel Arnaut said: “We are dedicating the issue to strong and dynamic women who are changing the world.

“Rihanna, our cover star, is one of them. Not only is she one of the most successful pop icons ever, shaping the entertainment industry with her powerful tunes and unique sense of style, she is also an advocate for diversity.

“With a crown designed by Faeth Millinery, Rihanna pays homage to this unforgettable queen, who still reigns as one of Ancient Egypt’s most celebrated figures.”

 

In October 2016, 40 year old DeShonjla “Shonni” Peterson found a lump in her breast and shortly after, on November 22, 2017, she got diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer which was during breast cancer awareness month.

Fastword to the day she was scheduled to have a double mastectomy, DeShonjla discovered she was pregnant! Left with two choices, her breast surgeon suggested she terminated the pregnancy and treat the cancer or continue with the pregnancy and delay treatment.

DeShonjla and her husband Kevin made the decision to protect their unborn child. So they kept the pregnancy.

Talking about it in one of her blog post, she wrote: “If I choose to start chemo today, I risk something possibly harming Zoe . While there are plenty of chemo babies out there, there isn’t enough evidence to support me risking any additional part of her health.”

At week 20 of her pregnancy, on April 7, DeShonjla had a single mastectomy.

In her words: “If I did the bilateral and with reconstruction my baby would be under anesthesia for close to 5 hours and I couldn’t risk that so I went with the lesser of the evils and only had one removed”.

On Monday the 31st of July 2017, DeShonjla  welcomed a healthy baby girl, Zoe Jade. Talking about her new baby, she said: “I couldn’t be more ecstatic to meet her”

Talking about her experience, DeShonjla said:

“Vulnerable is one of those things that I never wanted to be. Vulnerability always equated to weakness to me. Any vulnerability was calculated to make myself feel and look more human. Now as I sit today, transparent in my thoughts and emotions about this journey I feel nothing but strength and relief from my vulnerability. I feel beautiful in this space.”

Her Instagram post is below

453 likes
96 comments
📸 by @nceephotography – – Vulnerable is one of those things that I never wanted to be. Vulnerability always equated to weakness to me. Any vulnerability was calculated to make myself feel and look more human. Now as I sit today, transparent in my thoughts and emotions about this journey I feel nothing but strength and relief from my vulnerability. I feel beautiful in this space. This outward body is not where my beauty is housed. It is well within and courses through every fiber of my being. I share this image as another level of vulnerability and transparency. I don’t owe anyone this, but this is where my beauty now resides. It resides in everything I do. It resides in everything I am. It resides in everything I am affiliated with. It resides in everything that I love. Thank you all for walking on this journey with me. #shonnissupportgroup #mastectomy #breastcancer #cancer #uniboob #love #zoeskeeper #kelsismom #pregnantwithasideofcancer #pregnantwithcancer #pregnant #survivor #freedom #badtittymeat

 

DeShonjla has since started chemotherapy after she was able to nurse her daughter for about three weeks.

 

 

culled from fabwoman.ng

Nigeria based makeup artist, and business woman, Teniola Kashaam popularly know as Tennycoco has revealed how she started bleaching her skin at age 19, in a new IG post. She also went ahead to talk about how she now regretted her decision and urge people to love themselves and be comfortable in their own skin.
See her post below;

6,084 likes
698 comments
My Road to Melanin At the age of 19, I started lightening my skin….. By the time I was 20, I had become a heavy Skin bleacher… at the time it felt almost normal, I felt like I looked more attractive….. it became an addiction, I just couldn’t stop. I craved so much to be lighter.. I felt being black wasn’t beautiful enough. What a stupid way to have thought… I guess the society we live in played a little role in my decision to bleach my skin… coupled with being very Naive at that age. It’s widely perceived that the lighter you are, the more beautiful you look. To be honest I always knew it was a bad thing… I mean, I had seen loads of people with ridiculously damaged skin courtesy the effects of bleaching but I was just so deep into it… like I said it’s actually an addiction. As my 25th birthday started approaching I started to do a lot of Soul searching, a lot of self evaluation… concerning every area of my life and I finally started to see the light… to see how crazy I had been all these years… how crazy it was for me to have believed that my black skin wasn’t beautiful, to have allowed myself to feel inadequate or to try and tell God ‘ how you created me isn’t good enough’ what a silly, crazy way to have lived. Today I’m more than grateful that I finally saw the light. Black is beautiful! So beautiful! Never have I ever felt as beautiful and as at peace with my skin tone as I do now… Please Love your skin/Yourself the way God has made you…. you are beautiful, you are enough. Time will always tell… imagine how I would look 10-15 years from now if I had continued to bleach my skin. Please don’t do it… I did it and I Had/ have so much Regret… it’s not worth it. You are beautiful just as you are. I get a lot of messages asking me, how I was able to transition my skin back… I will be sharing all the tips soon enough. Thank you to everyone who helped me get through this…… the Amount of support I have received is enormous… Thank you.

10 hours ago