self development Archives

In self development July 2, 2018 By Women of Rubies

KEMI AMUSHAN: COMING OUT STARIGHT

I just want to ask one question from our men. Aren’t you guys tired of lying to us women?

I’m not just talking about the outright lies like I am into oil and gas and also investment banking/sales and marketing or saying “I used to date a model” and all those kind of crap.
I’m talking about the one big lie most men are committing everyday: Approaching women you’re attracted to as if sex is the last thing on your mind. You all know what I’m talking about I’m sure.

You’re standing behind some girl at dominos pizza and you have this conversation: “Hey, so which of them do you like”?
You don’t actually care about the flavour! What you’re really thinking is “God damn, you’re hot! I’d like to fling that menu off your hands and make sweet love to you, right here on this counter!” right? Lol.

The vast majority of men are so worried about letting their true desires be known that they get stuck talking about absolute rubbish that goes nowhere.
Men are afraid to be honest with women about feeling attraction and they believe that if they can just befriend the woman, maybe at some point down the line they’ll have a shot at sleeping with her.

Unfortunately, this strategy usually ends up with the guys being frustrated and alone.
The reason why that happens is because when you approach a woman in this manner, we know it’s inauthentic.
Women are a lot more intuitive than men and will know straight away that the guy is not being genuine.

Men feel kind of awkward for trying to make small talks.
There’s always a little voice in their head saying “You’re full of it.”
Guys are also worried about the lady finding out why he’s really talking to her.
And that’s assuming that the guy has even taken the step of starting a conversation.
Most men will just sit around and stare at the women. In either case, it’s a pretty far cry from telling the lady the truth.

Now most guys go out of their way to avoid telling women what they really want. It’s been taught that sex is this dirty thing men trick women into doing.

Men think that they’ve got to go out and buy women lots of drinks, hoping to get lucky. Well for some cheap ladies, it works.
Men have been programmed to think that if he went up to a woman and complimented her on her looks, she’d go mental.

But we love being complimented. In fact most women are extremely flattered to be approached in this manner.

I do actually like it. Lol. But most men worry if she’s got a boyfriend or if the guy actually came with her? Rejection?
If she has a boyfriend, she’ll let you know. That’s if you meet the sincere ones that just hang out with their friends to have fun not the ones hoping to catch a fish. So yes, it’s that simple.

In my little experience, it’s very rare that a woman would get upset over being approached in such a manner.
From many hundreds of such approaches, I don’t think I’ve actually met a woman that was even mildly irritated.

As far as rejection goes: So what? Who cares? Does it really matter what some woman you don’t even know thinks? Think of all the terrible tragedies going on in the world today.

Think about all the stuff that’s happened to you over your life. Can you really tell me that the opinion of a stranger you just met matters to you so much?
We spend ages getting ourselves ready to go out. Do you really think we don’t want you guys to notice we look good?

Let me let you in on a major secret: The vast majority of women are tired of their romantic prospects beating around the bush and trying to be their “friend.” They are even more tired of their male “friends” trying to get into their pants.
When you have the balls to actually approach a woman and make your intentions clear it really gets their attention. It is bold, ballsy, and honest. Even when they have a boyfriend.

So guys, next time you see a gorgeous woman, what should you do? Tell her exactly what you’re thinking and what you want.
It’s not about using pickup lines, it’s about making your intent clear to her. “Excuse me, you look absolutely amazing. I’d love to take you out for a drink some time. When are you available?”

Not all the girls you approach will be interested in you, and you won’t be interested in some of them either, but at least you tried and came from a place of strength.
You’ve made your intentions clear and the conversation is leading somewhere: a date between you and her. It’s not going to be a 45-minute conversation that goes nowhere and at the end she reveals she’s engaged.

As you get more comfortable with interacting with women in this way, more and more of them will be immediately turned on by you being confident enough to approach them in this manner.

By showing that you’re man enough to express your true desires and intentions, not only will she have more respect for you, but she will also appreciate your honesty.
She will either tell you she’s not interested, agree to the date, or engage you in a conversation for a bit so she can determine if she’s interested.
Being up front with women isn’t an exercise, it’s a way of life!
No matter how each individual interaction goes, you manned up, told the truth, and laid it all out on the line like a man and that’s a great place to start! Trust me.
Behaving in this type of authentic manner will massively increase your confidence in all other areas of life as well.

Connecting with women is only the beginning!

Source: Guardian Woman

In Interviews&profile June 27, 2018 By Women of Rubies

MEET 10-YEAR-OLD ERICA TANDOH, AN AWARD WINNING FEMALE DJ

10 years old Erica Tandoh, popularly known as DJ Switch, started deejaying at the age of nine and she has already won Ghana’s annual DJ Awards just a year after she started deejaying.

Erica’s came into the limelight when she emerged the winner of the 8th edition of TV3’s Talented Kidz, a Ghanaian Talent Show for kids.

While speaking to BBC Africa, DJ Switch said she started being interested in the art and went on to learn it.

“I started deejaying when I was nine years and I just wanted to try my hand at it… Being a young DJ is not that difficult, when you are being taught in school you pick everything fast, so when you are being taught deejaying you also pick it up fast,” she said.

About her stage name she says;

“I picked the name DJ Switch because I switch up people’s happiness,”

The multi-talented 10-year-old can dance, play the trumpet, drums and is still learning the piano.

She says:

“Deejaying is my passion but I want to be a gynecologist because I want to help women,”.

DJ Switch has already recorded a song with her mother dubbed Deceiver.

This interview is one of the first to come out of BBC’s new Africa-focused program, “What’s New,” which is geared towards engaging children on the continent.

Credit: fabwoman.ng

In Career Gems June 27, 2018 By Women of Rubies

BETTY IRABOR SET TO RELEASE NEW BOOK “DUST TO DEW”

Genevieve magazine founder Betty Irabor will be releasing her new book soon.

Titled “Dust to Dew“, the book will chronicle some of the most interesting parts of her life journey while she shares learning points from them.
She posted the cover of the book on Instagram and captioned:

I am So Excited to unveil the cover of my book 😁😁💃💃 “Dust to Dew”… Dust is chaos, Dust blinds, it inhibits. Dew is Life, it is Hope, it is New Beginnings 💧💧💦 It’s been an interesting journey putting several emotions into a book that chronicles the darkest period of my battle with depression. I didn’t lose those 7 years, Rather it was a period of Learning and Unlearning! This is me being audacious about sharing my most intimate battle with depression with you. May all our aspirations distill into the morning Dew!

In Career Gems June 26, 2018 By Women of Rubies

ACTRESS OMOTOLA JALADE-EKEINDE HAS BEEN INVITED TO BECOME AN OSCAR ACADEMY VOTER

This year, the Oscar Academy is making impressive effort to diversify its members, by inviting 928 new people from 59 countries – 49% of which are women and 38% of which are people of colour – and one of those who received an invitation is Nigerian actress, Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde.

Omotola who was cited for her work in Last Flight To Abuja and A Private Storm, joins an impressive list of invitees, which includes Kendrick Lamar, Gidi Blues’s director, Femi Odugbemi, Black Panther stars, Danai Gurira and Daniel Kaluuya, and British-Nigerian, Wunmi Mosaku.

With this record-breaking move, the largest in the organization’s history, the percentage of women in the Academy has now risen from 25% in 2015 to 31%; while for people of colour, it has risen from 8% in 2015 to 16%. Although not all invitees will accept their invitation, most will.

(Photo: AMPAS)

Credit: konbini.com

In Career Gems June 25, 2018 By Women of Rubies

SKELETON ATHLETE, SIMIDELE ADEAGBO IS INSPIRING AND GROOMING NIGERIA’S NEXT GENERATION OF SKELETON ATHLETES

Skeleton athlete, Simidele Adeagbo has teamed up with non-profit organization, Youth Empowerment and Development Initiative (YEDI) to organize ‘SimiSleighs Leadership and Sports Masterclass’ for secondary school girls in Lagos State.

As a part of YEDI’s SKILLZ Girl project, 100 schoolgirls took part in a skeleton clinic led by her. Since the masterclass was also a means to teach the participants leadership skills, the Olympian took them on demonstrations, drills and activities centered around teamwork and the skills needed to be a champion.

Speaking about what the clinic means to her, she said:

“The students at State Civil Service Senior Model School are the future leaders of Nigeria and I’m honored to have the opportunity to share this unique experience with them.

Sport is a powerful tool to create change and I hope that I’ve empowered the girls and cultivated future leaders in the classroom and community.”

See photos from the masterclass below:

Credit: konbini.com

In self development June 21, 2018 By Women of Rubies

KEMI AMUSHAN: BE A PRIORITY

There are rules and regulations when it comes to dating and relationships. Some are more important than others, like being honest and faithful. But there is one common mistake that people make that kills a relationship: Becoming an option.
In the beginning, when a guy is into a woman, he will go out of his way to get her. He will pursue her persistently. He will call, text, and try to spend as much time with her as he can. He will do his best to impress her and make her want him. He will act like he is the luckiest man in the world to be with her.
For the woman, life is great. It is an amazing thing for a woman to see herself through the eyes of a man who wants her. She gets her hopes up and eventually lets her guard down. And just when she thinks the relationship is taking off, the guy pulls back. Why is that? Because he knows that he got her. He doesn’t have to chase her anymore. She has made him a priority, so she has become an option for him. And the relationship begins its slow death.

For a relationship to be successful, each person involved needs to make the other a priority. It is impossible to be a happy couple when one person sees the other as a choice. I’ have been in a relationship where I was the choice, though I did not know it at the time. It did not end well, but I learned my lesson. Be a priority, not an option.Women make excuses for men treating them like options all the time. It is silly and exhausting. Instead of making excuses, we need to look at the big picture, read the signals, realize we deserve more, and get the hell out of that relationship.Here are a few signs that you have become an option in a relationship instead of a priority:

He has Become Distant
He used to text you every morning or every night like clockwork. Now, not so much. Now, your conversations are few and far between and not nearly as happy and fun as they used to be. He stops asking about your day. He stops flirting with you. If you do not initiate the conversation, you could go days without speaking. He takes forever to respond or forgets to answer all together. He says he has been busy and he is always in a crappy mood. However, you can’t help but notice that he still has time to keep up his presence on social media e.g watsapp etc. without complaining.

He Stopped Making Time For You
Unless you are in a long distance relationship, spending time together is important. If you often go more than a week without seeing the man you are dating, but he still manages to grab beers with his friends, you have become an option. Life gets hectic, but people make time for their priorities.If you used to see each other often, but now face time is rare, something is wrong. If a guy wants to be with you, he will find a way to be with you. He will go out of his way even if it means only spending an hour with you and not just to have sex. If he is not making an effort to see you, he does not really care about seeing you.

You have Got A Bad Feeling
This is the most important of the signs. It is so important to trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you that something has changed, that something is off, then something is definitely wrong. There is nothing worse then feeling that pit in your stomach. It sucks to worry and wonder about where you stand in a relationship.
So what do you do if and when these things happen? There are a few things, but what is more important is what you do not do. Do not complain or nag. That will only push him farther away and make you look and feel pathetic. Again, if a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you.
So, if you have got a bad feeling, speak up. Ask him what the deal is. Make it clear that you are not cool with the way the relationship is going. The easiest way to understand what is going on and stop worrying, is to talk about it. If a guy cares about you and your feelings, he will stop doing things that upset or worry you. If having a conversation about what is bothering you does not lead to any change, then you should move on because you are not a priority.

If he has become distant or stopped texting, you should become distant and stop texting. Stop reaching out to him and see what happens. If you feel like you are doing all of the work, stop trying to make plans and initiate conversations. Do not coddle him or listen to him complain if he is giving you nothing in return.
Give him two weeks. Think of it as giving yourself two weeks notice and a guy the benefit of the doubt. If he is into you, he will notice the shift in your behaviour and try to compensate. He will try to fix things. He has two weeks to get his crap together, and if you do not hear from him in that time, If he does not reach out to you, well take it as a sign that you are no longer dating.If he stops making time for you, find something else to do. You had a life before him. Do not stop living it without him. Make plans and hang out with your friends. Start dating other people again. Do not drop what you are doing whenever he calls. Show him that you have a life without him. If he does not try to be more present, then you have your answer. You are not a priority.
Do not play games. Do not act like you do not care when you do. Just stop putting in more effort than he is and see what happens. If he disappears, oh well. You are better off getting rid of him now than spending another however many months being a choice. Everyone deserves better than that. Be a priority, not an option.
To our happiness, cheers.

Written by: Kemi Amushan

Pic credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=black+woman+feeling+happy&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj3qb3b8ePbAhUI74MKHeDVB8QQ_AUICigB&biw=1518&bih=723&dpr=0.9#imgrc=7I0olUubZhnomM:

In self development June 18, 2018 By Women of Rubies

HOW TO MOTIVATE YOURSELF IN 8 SIMPLE WAYS

I look at motivation as excitement. Overcoming the emotional hurdle to get stuff done when you’d rather sit on the sofa isn’t always easy. The best way to motivate yourself is to organize your life so you don’t have to.

Here are 8 simple ways to motivate yourself

1. Take a break–you deserve it.
The only way we can perform at an optimal level is create time for rest. The moment you know you can’t take any time off is usually when you need it most. So take that long delayed vacation, and return to your business with renewed enthusiasm.
2. . Celebrate the little wins, no matter how small.
Little wins may seem like just that–little.Celebrating these wins can help to create positive habits.
3. Be gentle with yourself.
Stop comparing the accomplishments in your life with those of your neighbor. The story you create in your head will never be as good, and the reality will never be as bad.
There are many people who are smarter than you. The moment you can embrace this notion, you’re free. Free to explore. Free to follow what excites you. Free to ignore what they do, or how they do it, and focus on you.

4. Deconstruct your fears
I’m sure you don’t have a phobia about getting stuff done. But at the same time, hidden fears or anxieties can keep you from getting real work completed. Isolate the unknowns and make yourself confident, you can handle the worst case scenario.
5. Read books
Read not just self-help or motivational books but any book that has new ideas. New ideas get your mental gears turning and can build motivation. Here’re more reasons to read every day.
Learning new ideas puts your brain in motion so it requires less time to speed up to your tasks.
6. Be careful with the small problems
The worst killer of motivation is facing a seemingly small problem that creates endless frustration.
Reframe little problems that must be fixed as bigger ones or they will kill any drive you have.

7. Focus.
There is a an anecdote I’ve heard about Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Gates’s father at a dinner party. A guest asked them what the most important quality for success was today and all three responded “Focus” at the same exact time. They all smiled and laughed to each other because they hadn’t really prepared the answer.
We are all inundated with texts and emails.
So turn off your iPhone, stop trolling your ex-lover’s Facebook page, and get to work.

8. Build on Success
Success creates success. When you’ve just won, it is easy to feel motivated about almost anything. Emotions tend not to be situation specific, so a small win, whether it is a compliment from a colleague or finishing two thirds of your tasks before noon can turn you into a juggernaut.
There are many ways you can place small successes earlier on to spur motivation later. Structuring your to-do lists, placing straightforward tasks such as exercising early in the day or giving yourself an affirmation can do the trick.
With all these tips I’ve shared with you, now you know what to do when you’re feeling unmotivated. Find your passion and develop a positive mantra so when the next time negativity hits you again, you know how to stay positive and motivated!

Pic credit: Nandi Madida via Go0gle

In self development June 13, 2018 By Women of Rubies

FELIAM OCHIGBO: 10 THINGS DRINKING WATER CAN DO FOR YOU

Water is a fundamental human need. Each person on Earth requires at least 20 to 50 litres of clean, safe water a day for drinking, cooking and simply keeping clean. Like the popular Naija saying by our own famous Fela “water e no get enemy”.
Our focus here will be on the life-changing reasons to drink more water. Do you know that any point in time you feel thirsty or experience the sensation of thirst, you are already dehydrated? That thirst is your body calling for re-hydration.

So why must we drink more water?
1. IF YOU DON’T DRINK WATER, YOU WILL DIE. It is that important. It depends on our environment, we can survive only a few days without water, probably a week. We can live much longer without food. It is mandatory that we prioritise the consumption of water far more than we currently do.

2. HELPS LOSE WEIGHT: Most times when we think we are hungry, we are actually thirsty. Our body just starts turning on all the alarms and gives us signals when we ignore it. For those of you trying to drop some pounds, staying hydrated can serve as an appetite suppressant and help with weight loss.

3. BE LESS IRRITABLE: Research says dehydration can affect your mood and make you grumpy and confused. To stay happier and think clearer, drink more water.

4. PREVENTS CANCER: Yes, that’s totally right – various research says staying hydrated can reduce the risk of colon cancer by 45%, bladder cancer by 50%, and possibly reduce breast cancer risk as well.

5. FOR BETTER PERFORMANCE: Proper intake of water increases the performance of an athlete. Water composes 75% of our muscle tissue. Dehydration can lead to weakness, fatigue, and dizziness. These conditions can reduce our efficiencies and output.

6. HAVE LESS JOINT PAIN: Drinking water can reduce pain in your joints by keeping the cartilage soft and hydrated. This is how glucosamine helps reduce joint pain, by aiding in cartilage’s absorption of water.

7. FLUSHES OUT WASTE AND BACTERIA: Our digestive system needs water to function properly. Waste is flushed out in the form of urine and sweat. If we don’t drink water, we don’t flush out waste and it collects in our body causing a countless number of problems. Also combined with fiber, water can cure constipation.

8. ‎ HELP PREVENT HEADACHE: Sometimes headaches can be caused by dehydration, so drinking water can prevent or alleviate that nasty head pain. Next time your head hurts, try drinking water.

9. MAKES YOUR SKIN GLOW: The skin is the largest organ in the body. Regular and plentiful intake of water‎ can improve the colour and texture of your skin by keeping it building new cells properly. Drinking water also helps the skin do it’s job of regulating the body’s temperature through sweating.

10. NOURISHES THE BODY: Water is essential for the proper circulation of nutrients in the body. Water serves as the body’s transportation system and when we are dehydrated it makes it difficult for things to go around the body

Pic credit ; Bing

In self development June 12, 2018 By Women of Rubies

“I SUFFERED FROM CLINICAL DEPRESSION FOR 4 YEARS” -MOCHEDDAH

According to her, mental disorders, including depression, are still not regarded as serious health problems in the country.

“Depression is a medical illness contributed to by an interplay of both biological factors, that is, genetic predisposition, hormones and neurotransmitters and environmental factors such as adverse life events.

“Due to lack of awareness, many people do not know that they or someone they know have depression and try to cope with it sometimes for years without the necessary help.

“Although, knowledge of existence of mental health problems is improving with education, information dissemination through the media and NGOs, the level of this awareness is still quite low. In general, psychological illnesses are not regarded as `serious’ problems.

“There is also a lot of stigma and discrimination attached to people who have psychological disorders. People usually seek help when symptoms become severe, incapacitating or embarrassing,” she said.

The consultant psychiatrist also urged the governments and relevant stakeholders to put more attention and resources, including trained staff, into developing and equipping the Primary Health Care (PHC) system.

She said that most of the detection and initial management of depressive disorders need to be at the primary healthcare centres in the rural and semi-urban communities.

See her posts below

In self development June 6, 2018 By Women of Rubies

HASHTAG VS REALITY: THE TRUTH BEHIND BODY IMAGE AND SELF WORTH

Self-love, body confidence, curvy girls rock, melanin popping among other words of self-affirmation have been formed into such beautifully popular hashtags that people all over the world use on the internet to spice up their social media captions among other reasons but I wish that more than being just hashtags and things we say to be cool on the internet, we truly believe them and have as much “positive energy” in real life and in our minds as we have online about our bodies.

At a time where the global society has immense focus on appearance and even more so an obsession with beauty and “perfect” appearance leaving little or no room at all for different appearances or diversity within the generally conceived idea of what beauty is – which basically means that if you don’t look a certain way or at least try to look a certain way you’ll be considered way far from being perfect and maybe even downright ugly – the gospel of healthy body image and how it affects our self-worth, productivity and even our mental health should be preached to all ends of the earth but more importantly, it should be practiced. Why is this a topic? How bad do these things get?

Well, Imagine being unable to do basic things like go shopping or go to parties or speak at a business meeting because (you are afraid) of how people view you and what they say. These unkind comments have led many to depression and suicide.

The problem isn’t that we don’t know this is a problem, it is that we don’t treat it as one. People can tweet all day about these subjects but millennials have often been called the hashtag generation because we do not translate our online advocacy to real-world behaviours.
Still, in 2018, women still have to worry about not being judged by their size or weight. So many women still suffer from depression because of how they look and people still have preconceived ideas of plus size women. With every hashtag trend regarding body confidence, we get more comfortable about talking about these subjects, yet we still Judge.

This is sadly not a problem that can be solved overnight, neither is this an epidemic we can solve with a one “fits-all” solution. However, while this might be a complex issue at the core, a change in perspective might just be all we need to rid ourselves of “body shaming”.

Written by : Awazi Agbalaga

Source: Guardian

Pic credit: Pintrest