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Recently, award-winning author and feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie in an interview with the UK Guardian came out to say that she would be more successful in Nigeria if she is not a feminist.

“Feminism is not that hot. I can tell you I would sell more books in Nigeria if I stopped and said I’m no longer a feminist. I would have a stronger following, I would make more money” she said.

She is spot on in this case. Feminism in Nigeria is an endangered movement or belief; it is associated with so much bile, prejudice and stigmatisation. You are either ascribed to one or more of the following stereotypes; man-haters, angry nasty women, pro-abortionists, homosexual or pseudo homosexual, unmarried or a career woman, anti-motherhood ,an atheist, unbeliever, a bad wife or an amoral woman. . .

A little over a year ago, Senator Biodun Olujimi sponsored a bill to seek redress on gender parity issues which purpose was to permit women to have equal rights with men in marriages, education, property rights and employment etc. As we all know it was met with strong opposition based on cultural, political and religious colourations.

Is this the right way to swing? I leave that to your judgement.
According to the World Bank in 2015, the women population in Nigeria stood at 49.07%. Yes, almost half of our population are women; and the sad reality is that large factions of these women are handicapped socially, medically, politically and economically. Factually speaking,  we should highlight and enforce women rights in our country if we truly seek redress on our economic productivity, improved sustainable development. We should ensure that our policies are more representative for a more holistic effect in the society. Are we deliberately going to leave this faction of our populace undervalued, defenceless, faceless, unemployable and underpowered? In which case they are more vulnerable to abuse, poverty, health issues and even death.

Nigeria is a signatory to the Maputo Protocol otherwise known as The Protocol to the African Charter on Human and Peoples Rights on the Rights of Women in Africa. This guarantees comprehensive rights to women and propagates gender parity in core areas which would further empower the African woman. This seeks to address pertinent challenges affecting the girl child and women in Africa, which have been relegated to the background for too long. It has consequently hindered the growth and empowerment of these women. In so many ways, their dreams are caught short as soon as the doctors declare their sex in the labour room.

These issues such as child marriage/early marriage, domestic violence, female genital mutilation (FGM), stigmatisation, gender pay gap, rape culture, marginalization of all forms, denial of property rights and inheritance, etc. are familiar occurrences in our society which affects girls and women. They fight these battles silently and the least that we could do is empathize, commiserate and sensitize these issues. But alas, our silence is just another web in the tangling and vicious cycle.

According to Wikipedia, feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define and advance political, economic, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.

What it means to be a feminist in Iceland or Rwanda which are of the world’s best countries in terms of gender equality, is very different from what it means to be a feminist in Semen, Syria of even Nigeria. This is why feminism is a relative concept and a ready tool which could be used to advocate and propagate women rights that we require in our society  – to enable women to assume their full potential and prospects.

It would be truly amiss for me as a typical Nigerian not to highlight the religious/ cultural angle that casts a shadow on the propagation of women rights in our country. Religion and cultural norms play a huge role on our stance on so many issues, as such most antagonists usually use this premise to expound why women rights should not be enforced or just given the cursory lip service. But then should this be a justification to hamper our development? Especially as it can be clearly seen that the lack of / enforcement of such rights are detrimental to our women and future generations yet unborn.

It’s truly amusing when certain individuals try to besmirch women rights and associate the affiliation of such rights to the breakdown of nuclear family, home values and the dynamics of marriage in general. It is perceived as a threat to the stability and dynamics of the family.

I would argue that this would in fact create a more stable, well balanced homestead; in most heterosexual societies women are wives, homemakers, mothers, breadwinners etc, whose roles in building the future and society cannot be overstated. So in that vein, why shouldn’t they be empowered in all spheres of life according to their capacities and abilities instead of the norm of limiting the scope of what they can even dream about?
I ask again why not?

So when people ask me why I am a feminist in Nigeria. These are my reasons as stated above and so much more. I simply choose not to be silent. I am a Christian first, a feminist second and both at the same time. (I will elucidate on this in another article.)

I stand with women rights. What about you?

Source: Bellanaija

A woman I know thinks she knows what works better for her; she tells her story: “With my children, nobody can tell me what to do or tell me how to bring them up. I understand them and I think they know me, too. They know that concerning some of their behaviours, that I would never give in to their wishes. Still, my objection does not prevent them from trying to do just those things.

“I have three of them; two girls and one boy, ages six, nine and 12. Bringing them up is not easy, not when you are worrying or feeling tired then one or three of them decide to annoy you.

“Mummy, she pinched me so I have to beat her. We have a fixed time within which they could watch television, but it does not stop them from switching on between the time they have to do home work or help with housework.

“Sharp scolding works sometimes but many times when they have decided to have it out with you, you might just be speaking to the wall. When threats and shouts don’t work, that is when you take the final resort to drive home your point. I match to the sitting room and switch off the television myself.

“But that is a problem sometimes, normally, when I have taken this step, they feel ashamed and try to make up by playing with me or plead that I should “aw, mummy! Give us 30 minutes, now.”

“When I throw my ‘tantrum’, I wanted children who felt ashamed and guilty enough to try to make up to me. Sometimes, however, the reactions I get worsen my already frayed nerves. The result is sulky children; my daughter, the oldest would lie flat on her stomach, closes her eyes and refuse to listen to me; she switches off entirely. My son walks disconsolately to a corner and sulks while my youngest sheds silent tears.

“Do I give in to their wishes when I need their help? Should I allow them to disobey rules without permission because they have to see a favourite programme?

“I have used beating as discipline without success. I have concluded that children would always want to do what they want. I tell them that, but I also tell them that if all of us were to do what we wanted at the wrong time that chaos would be the result.

“What I do? I know it is time to look at the cause of the rebellion. In normal and happy times, one of them would be in the kitchen helping me while the others are hitting each other playing in a friendly way if home has been done. If I told them to put off the TV, they never needed to be told twice.

“When they resist, I know there is a problem somewhere; it may or may not have to do with school. One of them may have lost money or something valuable and feels bad and they want to discuss it with me but don’t know how to start.”

“How do you deal with it exactly?” we asked her. “I keep quiet and stare at them, I have not used words but my body language tells them that I am really angry with them. By the time I am ready to talk with them, they are calmer, too, and very willing to talk.

This mummy told us her story after we witnessed a scene between another mother and her 13-year-old daughter. We were sitting with the mother when the girl bounded in from outside-nose in the air and partially blinded with fury. “Mwn…mwn…mummy…mummy”, she wailed then stamped into a corner and yanked at an electric cable. All the appliances in the room went blank.

Before her action, she had been asking to use the mother’s phone which she refused her. The girl was remorseful and tried to put things in order again without success. She knew she had annoyed her mother but she did not leave the room; she went to her mother and stood wordlessly by her side. It was plain that she was imploring and asking for forgiveness.

The mother on her part had reacted to the disaster by drawing in her breath; she carried her head in her chest to show her distress. Mother and daughter stayed wordless for a few moments more, and then the mother went and put her connections back again and spoke kindly to her before she left.

Our summary is that you can get there by following your children calmly. Try to understand what is behind their actions; you may find it difficult if you think that children should obey you all the time. You should not always expect them to know that you feel stressed and expect them not be children.

Irrespective of your being worn out by them, children will make demands on you and they will fight or play roughly sometimes to your annoyance. But that is the truth.

Source: Guardian

He is pestering me for sex. He said if I love him, I will agree to sleep with him’….. And she gave in…
He broke her hymen, making her just another conquest.
I am sure a good number of us have heard a tale as this. The narrative is sometimes different…
…A disgruntled spouse is ‘appeased’ with a round (or more) of sex…
What exactly is sexual intercourse? Simply defined as the penetration of a woman’s vagina with a male penis, typically resulting in orgasm and ejaculation.
A very bad age-long lie traded by people to fulfill their selfish desire is saying ‘sex is a demonstration of love’ in premarital exemplar.
The act in itself is not a foolproof display of love. The activities leading on to it may be related to great admiration or likeness or love under the right circumstances.
Sex is largely a demonstration of how much of the others ‘mess’ a partner is willing to take. (You can allow your imaginations run really wild).
Sex can be ‘done’ with ‘no iota of feelings’.
Sex workers who do business with say 5 people on a daily basis feel nothing towards them. The feeling usually transmitted is one of disgust and repulsion. They don’t even recall names, that is if it was volunteered in the first place.
What guarantees a continued ‘delusion of love’ after a one night stand?
Sex only strengthens a bond! It doesn’t guarantee love.
No wonder sex is not intended to be casual.
You have sex with the one you love and are married to NOT have sex in the hope that love will brew.
No long lasting love will grow on a wrong foundation.
When a person (usually a woman) shows her vulnerability by accepting to have sex with another in the hope that a love-relationship will be birthed, she is simply being taken advantage of, of her OWN accord. *Note carefully the choice of words*
The second scenario….
However a couple decides to settle their dispute is not and should not be the public’s decision as along as no one is getting hurt. However, I have found that sex is not really a superior arbitrator in marital disputes. The issues leading on to the squabble often remains till a ’round-table’ discussion.
Our attention today is largely on casual sex.
It is not surprising that Gary Chapman wrote on ‘The Five Love Languages’ (Arguably the most popular book on love languages).
and did not include Sex. The closest to it being ‘Physical touch’ which may as well just be a bear hug.
When we discuss sex in religion, we often discuss it in relation to its foreordination before the pep talk on the release of bonding related hormones and finally, maybe, a show of love.
There is a reason for that.
The aftermath of sex is more serious than the flimsy moments of pleasure.
Should we begin to consider the completely avoidable health exposures? Or much talked about unwanted pregnancies? How about the unhealthy soul ties that are not decided on at all?
‘Unhealthy soul ties are the consequences of sexual encounters with partners who life-long bonds are created with’.
Of note particularly is the emotions women tend to bring to the table. We cannot effectively discuss a subject without its intricate details and in this case; women and  their emotional make up.
Several studies have shown that the psychological well-being of women is more likely to be affected than men after sex. Just because.
More importantly, a higher negative impact is recorded after casual sex in women, though this researches are still in infancy, hence, the inability for adequate referencing.
In this world of uncertainties, sexual relationship requires a responsible decision. The seemingly casual adventure should be engaged in with more serious thoughts because, it may not be as casual as intended after-all.
Sex is not casual.

I hate to break it to you, but if your life seems extra awful lately, you could be the reason why. I couldn’t figure out what was leeching the enjoyment from my life until I researched happiness. The realization that I was the reason for my long bouts of self-pity was shocking. Let me tell you, that knowledge was eye-opening and left me feeling distraught and frustrated.

Instead of dwelling on how miserable I felt, I decided to figure out how to rid my life of my nasty bad habits and find true happiness.

  1. Resisting change

Change is inevitable. Although it’s scary, change is such a positive part of your life. Fighting change traps you in a land of no progression. You remain stagnant, with no means to better yourself.

Change isn’t the problem here – your resistance to the inevitable is! Go with the flow and don’t be afraid to embrace trends and welcome new ideas. The fastest way to understand change is by getting involved and helping getting into the swing of things.

  1. Living in the past

People stuck in their glorified past miss out on all the incredible opportunities of the present. Six years ago, I was a skinny, confident, determined and unbeatable ballroom dancer with a six-pack. The more I look back at what I was, the more awful I feel about myself and my circumstances now. I realized it’s time to start loving myself for who I am at all times, instead of who I was int he past.

Choose to look at your past fondly and move on. Remember the lessons learned and the memories made, but choose live in the moment.

  1. Waiting for the future

There’s nothing wrong with looking ahead and planning for the future, but saying, “I’ll be happy when…” stops you from finding satisfaction in your life now. No matter how you finish that sentence, that long-awaited moment will never bring the happiness you’re seeking.

Instead, focus on being happy now. The future is unpredictable

4. Pessimism

Pessimism makes you (and everyone around you) miserable. Negativity only contributes to your self-pity and makes you feel worse. And honestly, nobody wants to hear you complain about how terrible your life is.

Shake off the negative and stop letting bad vibes define you. Look for the good things (no matter how small they are). Change your attitude by remembering everything isn’t as bad as it seems, and look for the light at the end of the tunnel.

5. Staying home

Staying in with your cat every weekend keeps you from an adventurous life. You’ll convince yourself that your life is a bore. If being boring is your personal goal, then you’ve met it, but most people want to be likeable and interesting.

Get up, go out, get dressed up, try something new and strive to be the dynamic character you’ve always wanted to be. Have courage and treat each day as a clean slate. Have the confidence to break out of your comfort zone every once and a while.

6. Envying

Constantly comparing yourself to others is exhausting. There will always be a “cuter” couple, a “thinner” woman or a person who seems to have unlimited funds for amazing trips.

7. Get over it.

Start pointing out the things you love about yourself. You’re just as good as everyone else and constant comparison only makes you feel (and appear) less like the amazing person you are. Who knows, someone may wish they had your life because you’re unaware of all your blessings.

Lastly, Being ungrateful : Grateful people are happier than those who aren’t. Count your blessings — it’s not a waste of time. Even the most miserable person on earth can find something they’re thankful for. So, express your gratitude, one thing at a time.

Once you understand the ways you’re killing your happiness, break those bad habits. Psychologist Timothy Pychyl said, “Breaking a habit really means establishing a new habit.” Give it a try. What do you have to lose… your happiness?”

Source: Family Share

 

OAP Uwanma Odefa is out with a new Vlog where she shares her thoughts on love, life and everything in between, and this time she is listing out the 5 sexual mistakes men make.

She says:

There are some universal mistakes most men make when it comes to sex and pleasuring their partners. We don’t expect him to be a porn star expert, but there are some common mistakes most men make when it comes to sexually satisfying their partners. And because men are sensitive especially when it comes to their sexual prowess and expertise; tying their manhood and ego to it, we women will often shy away from making corrections. We also would not say anything for fear of being labelled a slut.

Well, I’ve taken it upon myself to share these mistakes based on experience and research. Share it with your man if you can’t tell him and with your friends; you never know who you’re helping. And remember, regardless of what I say or what anybody says; it’s your life so do what makes you happy

Most women feel that they know their body and how it works. There are some facts however that may be lost on most about the vagina.

1. The vagina has a pH level. A healthy pH level is between 3.5 and 4.5. There are many outside factors that can change the pH level. When outside factors such as blood, semen, lubricant, or bacterial vaginosis are introduced, the pH level drops, making it become more acidic. The pH drops naturally when ovulation is happening  so that a few “little swimmers” will be able to reach the egg for fertilization.

2.  The vagina relies on good bacteria to keep things in check. The bacteria Lactoballicus is a good bacteria that is found in foods such as yogurt with live cultures. This bacteria will help to fight off infection and keep things running smoothly.

3. The vagina is made up of muscle. These muscles must be strong to withstand intercourse and childbirth. After surgeries such a hysterectomy, age, and childbirth, the muscles are not as strong as they used to be. Kegel exercises can help strengthen the muscle again. This exercise is done by clenching the muscles as if you were trying to stop a flow of urine. The best part is that you can do these exercises any time of the day.

4. There is a production of mucus that some confuse with an infection. Right around ovulation, the mucus becomes thicker to accommodate sperm. It can have the appearance of some type of infection, and if you are not sure, see a doctor.

5. It comes in all shapes and sizes. The plastic surgery business is booming, and some people will have almost anything tucked if they think it doesn’t look right, including the vagina or other parts around it.

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Gospel artist Glowreeyah is a year older today!

The Musician took to her Instagram page to release new photos, in which she looked absolutely Gorgeous! She also shared a powerful message in form of an open letter to God.

Read the letter below

From the very moment when I became a destined thought on your mind
For my first cry and for my last smile
For every angel and humanoid assigned to bless me on this journey
For every Gethsemane night and for every Hosanna day
For every teardrop and for every joy fount
For every wilderness and for every green pasture
For every height and for every depth
From Bridget’s womb,for my first breath till my final sigh at the appointed time when i behold your glory …when i finally see your face

Written by your own hand,I remain your story of unending mercy and custom-made grace!
Make my life your eternal expression as I waltz into this new season with you..for you…because of you!

You remain my ultimate affection.
I remain your Glow-child!

Thank you for being a Loving and Living Father to me!

Your Daughter,

Glowreeyah
#mybirthdayworship #glowreeyah #madein1977

See more photos below

Credit
Photography @tybello
Styling @tybello and @chechesignature
Makeup @jbeautyfull

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The Inspired by Glory Academy – a leadership development institute for career women and female entrepreneurs is proud to announce the launch of its career development hub for working women tagged #9to5Chick. The launch of the #9to5Chick is a deliberate effort by the institute to create tailored development courses for the career woman.

The launch will take the form of a career development seminar tagged “How to Become the CEO of your Career- Career Development Tips for the Working Woman”.

As part of the seminar  we will have 2 master class sessions delivered by highly recognized career women in the persons of Osayi Alile, CEO of ACT foundation (Former Executive Director of FATE Foundation and Former Chairperson of WIMBIZ); Rolake Akinkugbe, Head of Energy at FBN Merchant Bank including panel sessions with Valerie Eguegu, Product Line Manager for Baker Huges; Foluso Gbadamosi Executive Director Industrial and General Insurance; Teju Ajani Content Partnership Manager Sub-Saharan Africa Google; Stephanie Obi, Online Business Strategist.

The seminar, which will be the first in its monthly series, is targeted at women who are seeking to scale up their career to management level. Participants at the seminar can expect to gain:

  1. The importance of taking ownership of their careers.
  2. An understanding of the importance of contributing directly to organizational goals and objectives.
  3. Workplace accountability and necessary skills for optimum performance in the workplace.
  4. Career growth hacks.
  5. How to deploy work based strengths when working in a team.
  6. Networking and relationship building skills.
  7. Effective communication for career growth.

The seminar will take place as follows;

Date: Sunday, February 26th, 2017.
Venue: Zazaii 36 Balarabe Musa Crescent Off Manuwa, Off Ozumba Mbadiwe,, Samuel Manuwa St, Lagos.
Time: 2.00pm – 6.00 pm

The investment cost for each participant is N15,000. However group discounts are available on request.

To register please complete registration form here

Payment of 15,000 per participant can also be made here 

For more information, email glory@inspiredbyglory.com or visit www.inspiredbyglory.com

**This was posted for free in view of our vision to continually support women and their businesses****

For a mass wedding ceremony themed 77 DOGs (77 Days of Glory), 200 brides involved where transported to the venue in an unusual style – on the back of 5 decorated flat-bed Mercedes Benz trucks, where the grooms were waiting.

Waiting grooms

The wedding ceremony held at the Miracle Centre Cathedral in Rubaga, Uganda. According to Ugandan Daily monitor, The pastor of the church, Robert Kayanja, thought that because it was a mass wedding, the 200 brides involved should ride together.

 

Source: Woman.ng